Big_Russel
Footballguy
#### dude... I wish I were you. Except with my own smoking hot ripped abs 26 yr old big Russ body.
On second thought, I just wish I were 26 again.
On second thought, I just wish I were 26 again.
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"If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yo (3 Viewers)
- Thread starter No. 16
- Start date
pittstownkiller
Footballguy
The absolute worst thing that can happen is that you two get back together; move on like she is dead. I am jaded and am in the camp that she is, or is about to, consummate a relationship with another. Women do not make lateral moves, they climb ladders and you are a rung. Save your self-esteem and stop begging for her to give you another chance. What your convinced that your losing, you probably never had. Good luck.
quickhands
Footballguy
Didnt you read my previous post. That is exactly what im recommending. #####
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Michael Brown
Footballguy
When you mentioned needing to get back in shape again before you start getting back out there, it was kinda telling to me. Perhaps you were more lackadaisical than you realized. And please don't take this like you are to blame, but it's further evidence of why you should definitely, 100%, NOT do the last-ditch effort.
She's going to see you making a dramatic move now that she's made a dramatic move, and that will only serve to cement her opinion that you aren't giving your best effort unless you ABSOLUTELY have to. If you did make a big move, she'd probably just assume that once you got her back things would go back to their current lazy level again.
She's going to see you making a dramatic move now that she's made a dramatic move, and that will only serve to cement her opinion that you aren't giving your best effort unless you ABSOLUTELY have to. If you did make a big move, she'd probably just assume that once you got her back things would go back to their current lazy level again.
quickhands
Footballguy
Hey coach, no. 16 is ready to pull this one out, I know we should move on to the next game. Cuz there are tons of new and exciting games to play. But no.16 cant let this lost cause go....coach what do we do?
Ok, send the hail Mary of all plays....ok kid here is what you do. First follow her around and promise to change. Then send the flowers to her work...call her repeatedly. Then start the begging and crying. Obviously none of things will work, we are just setting her up, start going to her house and hanging with her family. Finally give her a symbollic set of brass balls and start crying. Next thing you know she takes you back. Its a cant miss plan
Ok, send the hail Mary of all plays....ok kid here is what you do. First follow her around and promise to change. Then send the flowers to her work...call her repeatedly. Then start the begging and crying. Obviously none of things will work, we are just setting her up, start going to her house and hanging with her family. Finally give her a symbollic set of brass balls and start crying. Next thing you know she takes you back. Its a cant miss plan
valhallan
Footballguy
Nearly the exact same thing happened to me just over a year ago and her reasons were the same as your ex's. It's over. It sucks. And the last thing you should do is let yourself think she'll change her mind. Take it a from a guy who just flushed the entire 2011 year down the toilet by holding out hope.
GroveDiesel
Footballguy
I don't get this "winning the relationship" talk. You don't win relationships. It either works or it doesn't. You can't game the relationship. Trying to play games is silly. Take her at her word and move on. You can only create more hurt by trying to manipulate her or yourself.
Take the time to grieve over the loss and then move on. It sucks and hurts, but if she's going to just end the relationship that quickly over something like that, then you'll be happier in the longterm with someone else anyone.
Better than convincing her to stay, getting married and having kids, an having this flake decide to start nailing done other guy because her life isn't a romance novel.
Take the time to grieve over the loss and then move on. It sucks and hurts, but if she's going to just end the relationship that quickly over something like that, then you'll be happier in the longterm with someone else anyone.
Better than convincing her to stay, getting married and having kids, an having this flake decide to start nailing done other guy because her life isn't a romance novel.
valhallan
Footballguy
GroveDiesel is correct. And do not for a second think about being friends with her. I can't "unhear" all of the horrific details of her new single life to which I was stupid enough to listen. I should have listened to all of the wise men telling me to stay far away from her the moment she ended it.
Borat
Footballguy
It's not about literally winning the relationship, even if some of us have phrased it that way. It's about Fun Loving, Womanizing, Better-Off-Without-Her No. 16 winning out over I-Can-Change, Let's-Give-It-One-More-Chance, Anything-For-You No. 16. Even if he has to fake it for awhile, it'll eventually become his reality.
boubucarow
Footballguy
I know where you are coming from but you couldn't be more wrong in my case. I knew at 19 and it was the best decision of my life to be serious about our relationship from day one. I have no regrets and couldn't be happier with my choice 14 years later.
boubucarow
Footballguy
And I agree with the general consensus here. Move on and forget her. If she really loved and cared for you this would not have come out of no where. The time to work on the relationship has past.
zoonation
Footballguy
Sever all ties. It is over. It is a good thing. A year from now you'll be thinking "thank God I salvaged some of my 20s.
I'm only saying this cause you need to hear it to move on...there IS another guy. For sure.
Light some dynamite on the bridge and don't look back. You have a decade of prime years before you ruin your life and get married
I'm only saying this cause you need to hear it to move on...there IS another guy. For sure.
Light some dynamite on the bridge and don't look back. You have a decade of prime years before you ruin your life and get married
Borat
Footballguy
I'm happy for you and glad that it worked out for you, and I'm sure you wouldn't change a thing, but you probably (well... definitely) have no idea what you missed out on.
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Max Power
Footballguy
is FFA relationships 101 now?
Can someone point me to the "stay together for the kids" thread. I'm sure there is one at this point.
No.16 - Give her space and let her get it out of her system. You're young with no ties, go enjoy life. I'm sure she will drunk dial you months down the road. Reassess the situation at that point.
Can someone point me to the "stay together for the kids" thread. I'm sure there is one at this point.
No.16 - Give her space and let her get it out of her system. You're young with no ties, go enjoy life. I'm sure she will drunk dial you months down the road. Reassess the situation at that point.
Sea Duck
Footballguy
The best last ditch effort is to act like it doesn't bother you, ignore her, and kick some ### in your life.Either she sees how awesome you are, and she comes back on her own.........or you realize how awesome you are, and that you're better off without her.Any other move on your part just makes you look weak and pathetic.
optionmaven
Footballguy
I'm curious to hear what kind of play you are talking about for the hail mary or last ditch effort? You're going to have to go big here, or just go home. What have you come up with?? Interested to hear your ideas. I have some I'd share, if you'd like, just want to get a ballpark of where you are coming from. Me, I'm a gambler by nature, I'd take a chance.
cstu
Footballguy
Big cans?
Zow
Footballguy
Last ditch effort? Eh, you may get some post-break-up sex down the line, but it's true she won't ever want to come back until you are actually over her - and there's the rub.
Just don't do any of the following (or if you do, please share it here):
- post up pictures of you guys around the apartment
- write her a poem based off a crappy Rock Ballad
- send her parents a letter
- drunk dial her and start crying
- throw up moments before the first time you're about to have sex with a different girl
- purposely post about new escapades on an internet forum for pretty much the sole purpose you know she checks it and you want to make her jealous
- live together broken up for more than a few days
- remain on a cell phone plan with her
YWIA
Just don't do any of the following (or if you do, please share it here):
- post up pictures of you guys around the apartment
- write her a poem based off a crappy Rock Ballad
- send her parents a letter
- drunk dial her and start crying
- throw up moments before the first time you're about to have sex with a different girl
- purposely post about new escapades on an internet forum for pretty much the sole purpose you know she checks it and you want to make her jealous
- live together broken up for more than a few days
- remain on a cell phone plan with her
YWIA
boubucarow
Footballguy
Please explain what I missed out on. Strange? No thanks. Freedom? I have plenty. I figured out long ago that I am wired a bit differently that most men. And what I received in my wife is something 90% of men miss out judging by how few men display a thankfulness for their spouse.
boubucarow
Footballguy
Not then but amazingly they have become so without corresponding weight gain. I figure I am being rewarded for something.
![[icon]](/data/avatars/m/5/5167.jpg?1660313464){kind=avatar}
[icon]
Insoxicated
A good buddy of mine just went through this.
Dated a chick for 5 years. Lived together. She had drunkenly alluded to things being rocky twice. July of last year she told him it was over in the 2nd inning of the guy's first Fenway visit. Devistated him. She was trying to be nice and kept telling him the same #### your girl is telling you. Behind his back, she was counting the days till he moved out. He tried to "Change". For a month he did all the things she said he didn't do. It didn't matter. She was done.
She got increasingly more blunt with her "it's over" comments but he'd ignore those and then find some tiny sliver of hope (a smile, or a "Thanks for washing the hardwood floors and mowing the lawn while I was at the bar drinking with friends") and cling to it like it was a sign of her true desire to get back together. It was sad. I tried to talk to him but it was pointless. This girl could have punched him in the face, kicked him in the nuts, pushed him down, pissed on him and he'd be focusing on the "But she said "bye" in a really nice voice before she left"
Finally 3 months of sucking around and being pathetic (Completely ruining any respect most of his freinds or other females in his life had for him) she finally just said "Look.. i've tried being nice about this. It's been over. Get out."
Don't be that guy. Move on.
And DON'T Move on with the "I'll move on for a bit and she'll come back... I know it" guy. Seriously. Stop it. Just go.
Dated a chick for 5 years. Lived together. She had drunkenly alluded to things being rocky twice. July of last year she told him it was over in the 2nd inning of the guy's first Fenway visit. Devistated him. She was trying to be nice and kept telling him the same #### your girl is telling you. Behind his back, she was counting the days till he moved out. He tried to "Change". For a month he did all the things she said he didn't do. It didn't matter. She was done.
She got increasingly more blunt with her "it's over" comments but he'd ignore those and then find some tiny sliver of hope (a smile, or a "Thanks for washing the hardwood floors and mowing the lawn while I was at the bar drinking with friends") and cling to it like it was a sign of her true desire to get back together. It was sad. I tried to talk to him but it was pointless. This girl could have punched him in the face, kicked him in the nuts, pushed him down, pissed on him and he'd be focusing on the "But she said "bye" in a really nice voice before she left"
Finally 3 months of sucking around and being pathetic (Completely ruining any respect most of his freinds or other females in his life had for him) she finally just said "Look.. i've tried being nice about this. It's been over. Get out."
Don't be that guy. Move on.
And DON'T Move on with the "I'll move on for a bit and she'll come back... I know it" guy. Seriously. Stop it. Just go.
Steve Tasker
Footballguy
Wow, sorry to hear it man. Our situations are eerily similar, though my girlfriend hasn't left me (yet?). I have no advice except for you to hang in there. I can't imagine. I'll hang up and listen.
Judge Smails
Footballguy
Do an honest assessment, as there is probably some truth in what she was saying. Maybe you got complacent, could have been more spontaneous, etc. Learn that and correct it in your NEXT serious relationship. I've never seen the "I'm going to change" approach work. Even if you do change, she knows when she says jump you say how high. Power of the relationship goes to the one who is willing to walk - and that's all her. It's a lose-lose situation if you would have stayed together. Move on. Focus on yourself, have fun, this is a blessing long term.
glumpy
breeze
Dunno if this will help, but reading this part which I pasted I'd say she's right. Y'all have been working from a script, without inspiration. That said, I'd go into your next stage with two things in mind...
1st--something my best buddy told me when I broke up with my ex years ago: "Glump--This really might be a good thing."
That one line woke me up to the idea. Let it happen. While in my case it did NOT mean we got back together, it did level my world to the point that now we have at least become good friends again, each in our subsequent relationships. To put it into perspective--this was after 20 years of marriage, with one 10yo son in the mix.
2nd--after giving it some time--and I don't know what would be appropriate but would think maybe 4-6 months--try something, if you're still interested. That term from this point leaves you in the summer/fall months--a good time for a trip. That length of time also lets you see where each of you may have gone from there. If you really settle your mind with #1 above then #2 here may be irrelevant--but if you're still hung up on her after a good term of separation then is the time to come up with something spontaneous, something 'out of left field' which might be attractive to her, something for the moment without promises for any future. A trip? A concert? A football game? Something different, whatever scale it may be.
The key to all this is that during your separation you also enjoy yourself, by yourself or with new friends and dates, and get into your own thing.
Took me some time--but after the momentous breakup I had, looking back it's really been a good thing. You may or may not want to reconnect. Good luck.
Don't ever "change" for anyone. All of the excuses she gave you that you posted is just chick lingo for "I want to go out and bang a bunch of other dudes"
bushdocda
Footballguy
This happens to most college girlfriend relationships after college. You'll be fine, go do stuff you like. I bought a house with college girlfriend after we lived together a few years after school. Yep that turned out great when she loaded her car up one day and drove to south Carolina with our dogs. Oh dont gets dogs, what a PITA. Painful yes. Glad it happened it all ways though. That was like right around when I was 26 too.
Big_Russel
Footballguy
It's ALWAYS another guy. ####... might even be Offdee. You two live in a swanky condo?
pittstownkiller
Footballguy
Did you recently have a post-it attached to your door; check for glue residue.
pittstownkiller
Footballguy
Yes but listen to what she said, it is probably a pretty good assessment of your shortcomings. Use this assessment to fix yourself for the next girl(s). If you were in a position of authority and somebody gave you a piece of their mind about you. or your company, you would be a fool not to listen.
Big_Russel
Footballguy
Keerock
Footballguy
Sorry to hear 16. Like most have said, move on without pining or holding out any hope. It's time to do things for YOU now. Get in shape, hang with friends, advance your career, buy a house and fix it up, etc.
Here's the hardest part. You are obviously friends with her, after being together (and living together) for so long. BUT... that has to end. Initiate no contact. Unfriend her on Facebook. Unfollow her on Twitter. Do NOT talk about her with friends, don't "stalk" her to see how/what she's doing. If she calls/contacts you, communicate with her like you would a casual work aquaintance, nothing more. Don't be an ###, but there's nothing left for you two to talk about. Cordial but indifferent.
The two of you remaining in each others' lives will only 1) make it harder for you to move on (which, if you haven't picked up on, you need to do) and 2) make EVERYONE uncomfortable when you (or she) get into another relationship. Treat her like a company that just fired you for no good reason. Move on. Sever ties. It'll suck for a month or two, but it would suck way worse for way longer if you don't just get it over with.
Be happy this didn't happen in 2 years when you're married with a kid.
Best of luck. Please let us know when you get your first, hot strange.
Here's the hardest part. You are obviously friends with her, after being together (and living together) for so long. BUT... that has to end. Initiate no contact. Unfriend her on Facebook. Unfollow her on Twitter. Do NOT talk about her with friends, don't "stalk" her to see how/what she's doing. If she calls/contacts you, communicate with her like you would a casual work aquaintance, nothing more. Don't be an ###, but there's nothing left for you two to talk about. Cordial but indifferent.
The two of you remaining in each others' lives will only 1) make it harder for you to move on (which, if you haven't picked up on, you need to do) and 2) make EVERYONE uncomfortable when you (or she) get into another relationship. Treat her like a company that just fired you for no good reason. Move on. Sever ties. It'll suck for a month or two, but it would suck way worse for way longer if you don't just get it over with.
Be happy this didn't happen in 2 years when you're married with a kid.
Best of luck. Please let us know when you get your first, hot strange.
Evilgrin 72
Distributor of Pain
Dead-on balls accurate.
Evilgrin 72
Distributor of Pain
Exactly right. I've been there too, #16. I was Mikey from "Swingers." Worst time of my life and didn't work for ####. After I "moved on" (physically, not emotionally) and banged 10 different girls in the span of about 2 months and stopped thinking about her all the time, that's when the phone calls from her started. Fight every instinct you have to try to win her back. Girls don't respond to that, they want a strong, confident guy who is in demand with others. It's the only chance you've got (and you'll probably find that even if you "win her back", it won't end well.)
bushdocda
Footballguy
Absolutely spot on about the wooing stage and her at some point wanting to come back..
Evilgrin 72
Distributor of Pain
Games you can now play since you are single :
Lion
Elephant
Barbecue
Get out there and take the field.
Lion
Elephant
Barbecue
Get out there and take the field.
Evilgrin 72
Distributor of Pain
They always realize they made a mistake at some point. For me, it was only after she married and divorced the guy she left me for that I got the "it was all a terrible mistake" e-mail. I wonder if that dude knows I never stopped banging her either, up to a week before their wedding at her bachelorette party in Vegas. Sucker.
No. 16
Footballguy
Thanks a ton guys. The support had helped a lot to change my mindset.
Funny actually came home later then her (she had work) and I could already tell she was a bit jealous when she found out who I was hanging out with.
Still don't feel totally happy, but I was able to enjoy myself last night.
Funny actually came home later then her (she had work) and I could already tell she was a bit jealous when she found out who I was hanging out with.
Still don't feel totally happy, but I was able to enjoy myself last night.
Evilgrin 72
Distributor of Pain
Wait, you guys are still living together?
Big_Russel
Footballguy
jamny
Footballguy
Lots of good advice in this thread. Same thing happened to me and I was crushed. Met my wife not long after and have been happily married for 18 years. best thing that ever happened to me. Go out, have fun. It won't be easy but it gets better, especially when you find someone else. Just don't get into anything too serious, too soon if you can.
Wrigley
Footballguy
It's Friday
Keerock
Footballguy
Yeah. That mindset needs to change ASAP. Don't try to make her jealous, don't CARE if she's jealous, don't KNOW if she's jealous. Sever ties. Kick her out if she doesn't move very soon.This poor kid... you can almost hear his desperate hope as you read the bolded.
Wrigley
Footballguy
and post nudies over at :e:Yeah. That mindset needs to change ASAP. Don't try to make her jealous, don't CARE if she's jealous, don't KNOW if she's jealous. Sever ties. Kick her out if she doesn't move very soon.
valhallan
Footballguy
I missed that in the OP too. 16 - this arrangement has to end ASAP.
Evilgrin 72
Distributor of Pain
Wait. It's HIS place, she's living there with him, and she broke up with him? No.16, if this is the case, you need to throw her out now. I'm not kidding. Like, literally, don't even finish this sentence I'm writing, just throw her out NOW. Why are you still reading? I thought I told you to stop reading and thr- dude, I'm not kidding. THROW HER OUT NOW ! Stop reading this. STOP IT !! OK, if you're not going to stop reading, I'm going to stop writing.Yeah. That mindset needs to change ASAP. Don't try to make her jealous, don't CARE if she's jealous, don't KNOW if she's jealous. Sever ties. Kick her out if she doesn't move very soon.
[icon]
Insoxicated
He won't do that. Do tell her she's got 2-3 weeks to find a place though.Wait. It's HIS place, she's living there with him, and she broke up with him? No.16, if this is the case, you need to throw her out now. I'm not kidding. Like, literally, don't even finish this sentence I'm writing, just throw her out NOW. Why are you still reading? I thought I told you to stop reading and thr- dude, I'm not kidding. THROW HER OUT NOW ! Stop reading this. STOP IT !! OK, if you're not going to stop reading, I'm going to stop writing.Yeah. That mindset needs to change ASAP. Don't try to make her jealous, don't CARE if she's jealous, don't KNOW if she's jealous. Sever ties. Kick her out if she doesn't move very soon.
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