"If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yo (1 Viewer)

[IvanKaramazov]

I've not followed this thread, but I am intrigued because of the page length, which is also very daunting.Can somebody please give me some notes from Cliff?

PatsWillWin is alive and in this thread.

 

[gianmarco]

What am I missing here?

She likes to be early for appointments and he is often late. You just don't get that kind of compatibility in today's fast-paced world.

 

[Controller]

I've not followed this thread, but I am intrigued because of the page length, which is also very daunting.Can somebody please give me some notes from Cliff?

PatsWillWin is alive and in this thread.

Yeah, turns out the stranger that wanted to meet him at a bar was just some gay dude (NTTAWWT) who thought PatsWillWin was sending him "signals"

 

[Maude]

I've not followed this thread, but I am intrigued because of the page length, which is also very daunting.Can somebody please give me some notes from Cliff?

PatsWillWin is alive and in this thread.

Yeah, turns out the stranger that wanted to meet him at a bar was just some gay dude (NTTAWWT) who though PatsWillWin was sending him "signals"

:tapsfoot:

 

[No. 16]

I've not followed this thread, but I am intrigued because of the page length, which is also very daunting.Can somebody please give me some notes from Cliff?

-16's gf of 7 years wanders off to Vegas and decides to start banging a Personal Trainer (PT) because 16 isn't doing it for her anymore. They live together, she's moving out, and he's keeping the dog. From here on she's referred to as Coral.-16 asks the FFA who has gotten back with a gf that cheated and made it work?-FFA piles on, walk away, she’s not worth it.-Coral takes PT to HI on their anniversary trip and has hot and heavy sexy time in place of 16.-16 moves on under FFA advice and bangs a coke dealer from HI w/out protection-16 hires a hooker w/ protection-16 attempts to hook up with some other chicks along the way, but doesn't-16 get's a DWI and a blow-thingy on his ignition-Coral manipulates 16 in some kind of wacky ways because he obtained ownership of their dog to see the dog.-16 uses the term "crackin" in reference to dancing and clubbing.-16 bangs a Philipino chick because his buddy hooked him up on their trip to HI.-For 5 months 16 has been advised on how to move on, and he consistently does the opposite.-16 Goes to Vegas and drops some molly’s.-16 goes to his best friend’s wedding and makes fun of how all of his friends are dressed, but notes that he is "crackin" and that Coral isn't having as good a time as he is. And drops some more molly’s.-July, … 16 pretty much spent the month figuring out how to rebound with Coral.-16 admit's all he want's is a 2nd chance with coral and the wedding was his target for this. He’s willing to forgo the cheating as long as it feels right.-16 get's #### on-Coral and 16 spend some time together. She rubs his feet and neck.-16 get's #### on again-Coral ####'s on 16 a couple more times.-16 calls Coral a whore and threatens to tell PT, but chickens out.-16 admits that he knew about PT from the get go and that his only intention with the entire thread was to get back with that two timing whore that he started out with.*-16 Acts like he's done, but we all know he's just waiting for Coral to initiate contact.As it stands now:16: Working on his OKCupid profile. (for the last 8 months)Coral: Pissed off at 16 so she can bang the PT every/any which way he wants.PT: Tired of Coral but willing to throw it at her as long as she's willing to travel to SoCal.*Note: For those late to the thread, Coral cheated on her previous bf with 16, then cheated on 16 with PT, then cheated back on PT with 16. She's a cheatin' whore.

Haha holy ####. Now that you put it all like that no wonder people still read this thread. My life has been pretty freakin crazy.

 

[Zegras11]

I've not followed this thread, but I am intrigued because of the page length, which is also very daunting.Can somebody please give me some notes from Cliff?

-16's gf of 7 years wanders off to Vegas and decides to start banging a Personal Trainer (PT) because 16 isn't doing it for her anymore. They live together, she's moving out, and he's keeping the dog. From here on she's referred to as Coral.-16 asks the FFA who has gotten back with a gf that cheated and made it work?-FFA piles on, walk away, she’s not worth it.-Coral takes PT to HI on their anniversary trip and has hot and heavy sexy time in place of 16.-16 moves on under FFA advice and bangs a coke dealer from HI w/out protection-16 hires a hooker w/ protection-16 attempts to hook up with some other chicks along the way, but doesn't-16 get's a DWI and a blow-thingy on his ignition-Coral manipulates 16 in some kind of wacky ways because he obtained ownership of their dog to see the dog.-16 uses the term "crackin" in reference to dancing and clubbing.-16 bangs a Philipino chick because his buddy hooked him up on their trip to HI.-For 5 months 16 has been advised on how to move on, and he consistently does the opposite.-16 Goes to Vegas and drops some molly’s.-16 goes to his best friend’s wedding and makes fun of how all of his friends are dressed, but notes that he is "crackin" and that Coral isn't having as good a time as he is. And drops some more molly’s.-July, … 16 pretty much spent the month figuring out how to rebound with Coral.-16 admit's all he want's is a 2nd chance with coral and the wedding was his target for this. He’s willing to forgo the cheating as long as it feels right.-16 get's #### on-Coral and 16 spend some time together. She rubs his feet and neck.-16 get's #### on again-Coral ####'s on 16 a couple more times.-16 calls Coral a whore and threatens to tell PT, but chickens out.-16 admits that he knew about PT from the get go and that his only intention with the entire thread was to get back with that two timing whore that he started out with.*-16 Acts like he's done, but we all know he's just waiting for Coral to initiate contact.As it stands now:16: Working on his OKCupid profile. (for the last 8 months)Coral: Pissed off at 16 so she can bang the PT every/any which way he wants.PT: Tired of Coral but willing to throw it at her as long as she's willing to travel to SoCal.*Note: For those late to the thread, Coral cheated on her previous bf with 16, then cheated on 16 with PT, then cheated back on PT with 16. She's a cheatin' whore.

Haha holy ####. Now that you put it all like that no wonder people still read this thread. My life has been pretty freakin crazy.

I think you should apply to Bachelor Pad. Just e-mail the above for the instant acceptance. Ed just isn't as crackin as you. Easy $250k.

 

[Henry Ford]

I agree with your general message but to say I just "broke up with a GF" is BS. We were together for 7 years. How many marriages last that long?

Enough that there's actually a phrase to describe someone wanting to cheat on someone after exactly 7 years.

That's practically 1/4th of my life on Earth and pretty much my entire adult life. Sure we didn't have kids and we weren't married, but it doesn't make it any less devesating. I can't imagine the emotional pain of a divorce being much different aside from the emotions attached with the kids. I was in love with her and was planning to marry her. My mind was already commited to forever.

That's because you have no idea what you're talking about. A 16-year-old who breaks up with his girlfriend of a year is devastated, too, and was thinking about being with her forever. It doesn't mean that it's in any way comparable to a divorce.

So right now I am experiencing a divorce

No, you broke up with your girlfriend. You're a narcissist, and you think your experience is deeper and more meaningful than other peoples' experiences in exactly the same position. You broke up with a girlfriend, albeit one you've been with for a long time. It will take time to get over. However, you never have to disclose on any legal documents that you were romantically involved with this person, you don't have to list "divorced" on everything you ever fill out, you don't have a no-longer-valid marriage license anywhere, you don't have to tell everyone you're ever with again "yeah, I've been married before," you don't have former in-laws, you don't have to decide what to do with your wedding ring, etc. It's a breakup. I'm sure it sucks. It's not a divorce. Everyone in this thread has been through a breakup. You have no idea what a divorce feels like, and you're just guessing that it's approximately as emotionally difficult and draining as your breakup.

and I'm working knowing that it could all be taken away very soon. There are tons of people worse off then me, so I am thankful. However, I think this is still a difficult time in my life and much more than just "breaking up with a GF."

If you'd stop reacting completely inappropriately to approximately everything in your life, it wouldn't be more than just "breaking up with a GF."

 

[jamny]

 

[identikit]

Damned straight.

 

[Iron_Far]

I agree with your general message but to say I just "broke up with a GF" is BS. We were together for 7 years. How many marriages last that long?

Enough that there's actually a phrase to describe someone wanting to cheat on someone after exactly 7 years.

That's practically 1/4th of my life on Earth and pretty much my entire adult life. Sure we didn't have kids and we weren't married, but it doesn't make it any less devesating. I can't imagine the emotional pain of a divorce being much different aside from the emotions attached with the kids. I was in love with her and was planning to marry her. My mind was already commited to forever.

That's because you have no idea what you're talking about. A 16-year-old who breaks up with his girlfriend of a year is devastated, too, and was thinking about being with her forever. It doesn't mean that it's in any way comparable to a divorce.

So right now I am experiencing a divorce

No, you broke up with your girlfriend. You're a narcissist, and you think your experience is deeper and more meaningful than other peoples' experiences in exactly the same position. You broke up with a girlfriend, albeit one you've been with for a long time. It will take time to get over. However, you never have to disclose on any legal documents that you were romantically involved with this person, you don't have to list "divorced" on everything you ever fill out, you don't have a no-longer-valid marriage license anywhere, you don't have to tell everyone you're ever with again "yeah, I've been married before," you don't have former in-laws, you don't have to decide what to do with your wedding ring, etc. It's a breakup. I'm sure it sucks. It's not a divorce. Everyone in this thread has been through a breakup. You have no idea what a divorce feels like, and you're just guessing that it's approximately as emotionally difficult and draining as your breakup.

and I'm working knowing that it could all be taken away very soon. There are tons of people worse off then me, so I am thankful. However, I think this is still a difficult time in my life and much more than just "breaking up with a GF."

If you'd stop reacting completely inappropriately to approximately everything in your life, it wouldn't be more than just "breaking up with a GF."

No. 16 needs this reality check.Gordon Gecko is sorely missed around here for threads like this.

 

[DA RAIDERS]

I agree with your general message but to say I just "broke up with a GF" is BS. We were together for 7 years. How many marriages last that long?

Enough that there's actually a phrase to describe someone wanting to cheat on someone after exactly 7 years.

That's practically 1/4th of my life on Earth and pretty much my entire adult life. Sure we didn't have kids and we weren't married, but it doesn't make it any less devesating. I can't imagine the emotional pain of a divorce being much different aside from the emotions attached with the kids. I was in love with her and was planning to marry her. My mind was already commited to forever.

That's because you have no idea what you're talking about. A 16-year-old who breaks up with his girlfriend of a year is devastated, too, and was thinking about being with her forever. It doesn't mean that it's in any way comparable to a divorce.

So right now I am experiencing a divorce

No, you broke up with your girlfriend. You're a narcissist, and you think your experience is deeper and more meaningful than other peoples' experiences in exactly the same position. You broke up with a girlfriend, albeit one you've been with for a long time. It will take time to get over. However, you never have to disclose on any legal documents that you were romantically involved with this person, you don't have to list "divorced" on everything you ever fill out, you don't have a no-longer-valid marriage license anywhere, you don't have to tell everyone you're ever with again "yeah, I've been married before," you don't have former in-laws, you don't have to decide what to do with your wedding ring, etc. It's a breakup. I'm sure it sucks. It's not a divorce. Everyone in this thread has been through a breakup. You have no idea what a divorce feels like, and you're just guessing that it's approximately as emotionally difficult and draining as your breakup.

and I'm working knowing that it could all be taken away very soon. There are tons of people worse off then me, so I am thankful. However, I think this is still a difficult time in my life and much more than just "breaking up with a GF."

If you'd stop reacting completely inappropriately to approximately everything in your life, it wouldn't be more than just "breaking up with a GF."

damn ####### skippy.the woe is me BS is getting very tired. go bang a fatty already.

 

[Henry Ford]

I get it. I get the drama, and the need to feel special, and the "woe is me." I get feeling like you have to justify spending the last 7 years with this woman by mind-****ing yourself into thinking you were essentially married. I get wanting everyone to feel sorry for you because you got a raw deal on something. We've all been there. Hell, in the back of our minds, many of us want to just say "to hell with it. Lots of people get to wallow in self pity. Why not me?"

At some point you're going to have to look in the mirror and take responsibility for your life. Not just your choices (like the DUI, which you also need to take responsibility for) and not just your possessions (like a dog, which you're going to have to take responsibility for, I assume) but for your whole life. That means when terrible things happen, you have to say "yes, I assumed bad things were going to happen, and it's my job to deal with them and move forward." Even when it's not your fault. Even when there's nothing you can do about it.

There's a reason that lots of first-time parents say they didn't really start living until they had kids. Lots of people never understand this concept until they have kids, but it's very similar. You don't just raise kids and take responsibility for teaching them things. You take responsibility for the kids - for their good decisions, whether or not they're really your fault, and for their bad decisions, whether or not they're really your fault. Your kid accidentally knocks a baseball into the neighbor's car window? Tough luck. Go talk to the neighbor, take your lumps, and pay for it. Move on.

Same thing with your life, 16. Something bad has happened. It can either be something bad that happened in your life, or it can be the bad thing that defines your life. Make a decision. Most of the guys who actually got divorced on this board have gotten everything dealt with and moved on faster than you've managed to figure out whether you want to keep this stupid dog or not. That's because they're handling it like adults.

You want to see someone dealing with a major life issue like an adult? Look at most of the guys posting about divorce on this board, or at NCCommish. That guy's a god-damned rock. Life threw the guy the biggest curve-ball you can get - his sweetheart for over 30 years being sick and having to care for her - and you know what he does? He stays active in his and his wife's lives and stays roughly the smartest, most caring guy you'll find on this or any other board. He takes care of her. He works his butt off to make the world a better place where he can. Read some of his posts. Then look at what you've posted in here. Might be illuminating.

 

[Maude]

I get it. I get the drama, and the need to feel special, and the "woe is me." I get feeling like you have to justify spending the last 7 years with this woman by mind-****ing yourself into thinking you were essentially married. I get wanting everyone to feel sorry for you because you got a raw deal on something. We've all been there. Hell, in the back of our minds, many of us want to just say "to hell with it. Lots of people get to wallow in self pity. Why not me?"At some point you're going to have to look in the mirror and take responsibility for your life. Not just your choices (like the DUI, which you also need to take responsibility for) and not just your possessions (like a dog, which you're going to have to take responsibility for, I assume) but for your whole life. That means when terrible things happen, you have to say "yes, I assumed bad things were going to happen, and it's my job to deal with them and move forward." Even when it's not your fault. Even when there's nothing you can do about it.There's a reason that lots of first-time parents say they didn't really start living until they had kids. Lots of people never understand this concept until they have kids, but it's very similar. You don't just raise kids and take responsibility for teaching them things. You take responsibility for the kids - for their good decisions, whether or not they're really your fault, and for their bad decisions, whether or not they're really your fault. Your kid accidentally knocks a baseball into the neighbor's car window? Tough luck. Go talk to the neighbor, take your lumps, and pay for it. Move on. Same thing with your life, 16. Something bad has happened. It can either be something bad that happened in your life, or it can be the bad thing that defines your life. Make a decision. Most of the guys who actually got divorced on this board have gotten everything dealt with and moved on faster than you've managed to figure out whether you want to keep this stupid dog or not. That's because they're handling it like adults.You want to see someone dealing with a major life issue like an adult? Look at NCCommish. That guy's a god-damned rock. Life threw the guy the biggest curve-ball you can get - his sweetheart for over 30 years being sick and having to care for her - and you know what he does? He stays active in his and his wife's lives and stays roughly the smartest, most caring guy you'll find on this or any other board. He takes care of her. He works his butt off to make the world a better place where he can. Read some of his posts. Then look at what you've posted in here. Might be illuminating.

Logic doesn't work in here dude.

 

[Henry Ford]

Logic doesn't work in here dude.

I know. I've read the thread for months. I'm just having a frustrating day and finally couldn't hold it in anymore.

 

[Maude]

Logic doesn't work in here dude.

I know. I've read the thread for months. I'm just having a frustrating day and finally couldn't hold it in anymore.

I understand the frustration. I want to slap the #### out this guy.

 

[Henry Ford]

Logic doesn't work in here dude.

I know. I've read the thread for months. I'm just having a frustrating day and finally couldn't hold it in anymore.

I understand the frustration. I want to slap the #### out this guy.

How old is he? 30-ish?

 

[comfortably numb]

Logic doesn't work in here dude.

I know. I've read the thread for months. I'm just having a frustrating day and finally couldn't hold it in anymore.

I understand the frustration. I want to slap the #### out this guy.

How old is he? 30-ish?

27 going on 15

 

[IvanKaramazov]

Logic doesn't work in here dude.

I know. I've read the thread for months. I'm just having a frustrating day and finally couldn't hold it in anymore.

I understand the frustration. I want to slap the #### out this guy.

How old is he? 30-ish?

I think he's in his mid- to late-20s. Honestly, people are being a little too hard on 16. He's young enough that he should get a little slack when he makes mistakes.

 

[Henry Ford]

Logic doesn't work in here dude.

I know. I've read the thread for months. I'm just having a frustrating day and finally couldn't hold it in anymore.

I understand the frustration. I want to slap the #### out this guy.

How old is he? 30-ish?

I think he's in his mid- to late-20s. Honestly, people are being a little too hard on 16. He's young enough that he should get a little slack when he makes mistakes.

I don't have any issue with his mistakes. Mistakes happen, and they happen at all ages. To everyone. The issue I have is with his attitude about all of this, and the self-important, self-aggrandizing, nearly-year-long obsession with proving just how badly he got screwed over by dragging it out to be the defining moment in his life and trying to heap all of his problems onto other people and ask them to feel badly for him for all that time. That's not a mistake, that's a major life problem and it's beginning to border on becoming his entire personality. That's a bad thing.That said, him being sub-30 makes sense. Hopefully that'll all work itself out in the next couple years.

 

[IvanKaramazov]

Logic doesn't work in here dude.

I know. I've read the thread for months. I'm just having a frustrating day and finally couldn't hold it in anymore.

I understand the frustration. I want to slap the #### out this guy.

How old is he? 30-ish?

I think he's in his mid- to late-20s. Honestly, people are being a little too hard on 16. He's young enough that he should get a little slack when he makes mistakes.

I don't have any issue with his mistakes. Mistakes happen, and they happen at all ages. To everyone. The issue I have is with his attitude about all of this, and the self-important, self-aggrandizing, nearly-year-long obsession with proving just how badly he got screwed over by dragging it out to be the defining moment in his life and trying to heap all of his problems onto other people and ask them to feel badly for him for all that time. That's not a mistake, that's a major life problem and it's beginning to border on becoming his entire personality. That's a bad thing.That said, him being sub-30 makes sense. Hopefully that'll all work itself out in the next couple years.

I've wondered a few times if 16 isn't clinically depressed. I've had low-grade depression on and off since high school which I currently self-medicate with alcohol, and I see a lot of the same thought patterns in 16's posts that I once had.

 

[Henry Ford]

Logic doesn't work in here dude.

I know. I've read the thread for months. I'm just having a frustrating day and finally couldn't hold it in anymore.

I understand the frustration. I want to slap the #### out this guy.

How old is he? 30-ish?

I think he's in his mid- to late-20s. Honestly, people are being a little too hard on 16. He's young enough that he should get a little slack when he makes mistakes.

I don't have any issue with his mistakes. Mistakes happen, and they happen at all ages. To everyone. The issue I have is with his attitude about all of this, and the self-important, self-aggrandizing, nearly-year-long obsession with proving just how badly he got screwed over by dragging it out to be the defining moment in his life and trying to heap all of his problems onto other people and ask them to feel badly for him for all that time. That's not a mistake, that's a major life problem and it's beginning to border on becoming his entire personality. That's a bad thing.That said, him being sub-30 makes sense. Hopefully that'll all work itself out in the next couple years.

I've wondered a few times if 16 isn't clinically depressed. I've had low-grade depression on and off since high school which I currently self-medicate with alcohol, and I see a lot of the same thought patterns in 16's posts that I once had.

Yeah, I feel the same way. He may need some kind of low-level medication for a year or so to try to remember what it's like to live in a state other than the one he's been living in.As a side note, medicating depression with alcohol isn't the best idea in the world, as I'm sure you know.

 

[No. 16]

Logic doesn't work in here dude.

I know. I've read the thread for months. I'm just having a frustrating day and finally couldn't hold it in anymore.

I appreciate what you wrote a bunch. The reason I share everything here is because of that wisdom and perspective you guys have. I sit through all the ball busting, because of posts like yours. Thank you.

 

[Keerock]

Henry Ford is a NCCommish alias? Who knew?

(j/k... great post!)

 

[McGarnicle]

The irony is that lots of guys would give anything to be 27 and newly single. You should be getting dump trucks full of tail right now, and driving around with the windows down blasting songs about freedom and poon. What a wonderful time in a man's life to be wasting. Just wait til you're married and you roll over one morning and recoil in horror at the beast on the other side of the bed. You'll rue the days of sobbing over some hooer when you should have been nailing everything that moves.

 

[Henry Ford]

I appreciate what you wrote a bunch. The reason I share everything here is because of that wisdom and perspective you guys have. I sit through all the ball busting, because of posts like yours. Thank you.

You sound like something has your attention right now, so I'm going to reiterate what Ivan and I were discussing a few posts up.Go talk to a therapist and a psychiatrist. Tell those two exactly what's going on and that two different people on an anonymous message board thought some kind of medication might help you. Laugh when you say it if you want, but ask them what they think and whether they think they can help you with a short-term (year-long, or so) low-level medication solution. Tell them you never thought about taking psych meds before, but that you're willing to try anything if it means you don't have to live in a life that's so filled with drama all the time.Seriously, it might actually completely change your life. If it does what it's done for lots of other people, it could give you real perspective in a way you've never had before, and you wouldn't have to be on it for the rest of your life or anything.This chick wasn't your soul mate. She wasn't your "one and only." She was some woman who you shouldn't obsess over now that you're in the place that you're in. Your relationship with her is toxic, and the more you think it was a fantastic relationship, the more convinced I am that you need to speak with a professional. The psych kind.

 

[ATW22]

Doesn't Coralyssa get pack from visit to PT's soon??

 

[No. 16]

Logic doesn't work in here dude.

I know. I've read the thread for months. I'm just having a frustrating day and finally couldn't hold it in anymore.

I understand the frustration. I want to slap the #### out this guy.

How old is he? 30-ish?

I think he's in his mid- to late-20s. Honestly, people are being a little too hard on 16. He's young enough that he should get a little slack when he makes mistakes.

I don't have any issue with his mistakes. Mistakes happen, and they happen at all ages. To everyone. The issue I have is with his attitude about all of this, and the self-important, self-aggrandizing, nearly-year-long obsession with proving just how badly he got screwed over by dragging it out to be the defining moment in his life and trying to heap all of his problems onto other people and ask them to feel badly for him for all that time. That's not a mistake, that's a major life problem and it's beginning to border on becoming his entire personality. That's a bad thing.That said, him being sub-30 makes sense. Hopefully that'll all work itself out in the next couple years.

I've wondered a few times if 16 isn't clinically depressed. I've had low-grade depression on and off since high school which I currently self-medicate with alcohol, and I see a lot of the same thought patterns in 16's posts that I once had.

Yeah, I feel the same way. He may need some kind of low-level medication for a year or so to try to remember what it's like to live in a state other than the one he's been living in.As a side note, medicating depression with alcohol isn't the best idea in the world, as I'm sure you know.

Not depressed at all, just a heartbroken guy who has yet to fully come to grasp that life isn't always a fairy tale. I mean I knew there are difficult times in life and that they happen. Visiting family in a 3rd world country will keep you in check, but up until this point my life has been uneventful. Just didn't think it would happen to me.My parents have been married for 26 years, are in good health, and have stable careers. My brother and I have always been loved, supported, and given almost everything we could want. No deaths have really affected me aside from that of my grandfather, but even then he was old so it was more natural. School academically and socially has always been easy for me. I got good grades without having to devote my entire life to studying (by force or desire). I was never picked on and always had an easy time making and keeping friends. The friends I do have, I have been able to surround myself with generally good people so I've never dealt with the law or #######s. It took a year out of college, but I'm finally working in my career..one that I enjoy and pays decently.Alyssa was supposed to go the same way. We should have been the college sweethearts that graduate, get married, have kids, and celebrate 50 years of being together. It didn't happen that way and as much as I want that script to play out with me being the unyielding Romeo... I'm slowly coming to realize that's not how life works despite how my life has been so far.So no I'm not clinically depressed and I refuse to take psych meds (working in a psych unit, I see what they do to people). I just haven't had any adversity to fight through and so far I haven't done much fighting.

 

[comfortably numb]

I appreciate what you wrote a bunch. The reason I share everything here is because of that wisdom and perspective you guys have. I sit through all the ball busting, because of posts like yours. Thank you.

You sound like something has your attention right now, so I'm going to reiterate what Ivan and I were discussing a few posts up.Go talk to a therapist and a psychiatrist. Tell those two exactly what's going on and that two different people on an anonymous message board thought some kind of medication might help you. Laugh when you say it if you want, but ask them what they think and whether they think they can help you with a short-term (year-long, or so) low-level medication solution. Tell them you never thought about taking psych meds before, but that you're willing to try anything if it means you don't have to live in a life that's so filled with drama all the time.Seriously, it might actually completely change your life. If it does what it's done for lots of other people, it could give you real perspective in a way you've never had before, and you wouldn't have to be on it for the rest of your life or anything.This chick wasn't your soul mate. She wasn't your "one and only." She was some woman who you shouldn't obsess over now that you're in the place that you're in. Your relationship with her is toxic, and the more you think it was a fantastic relationship, the more convinced I am that you need to speak with a professional. The psych kind.

Not that I am 100% anti med guy, but, you go from essentially telling him to deal with life to take meds temporarily to help deal with life?As you said, he is going through something everyone goes through in life.Just not sure getting him on meds is a good way to start dealing with life's "smaller" problems, like breaking up with a gf.

 

[Maude]

Alyssa was supposed to go the same way. We should have been the college sweethearts that graduate, get married, have kids, and celebrate 50 years of being together. It didn't happen that way and as much as I want that script to play out with me being the unyielding Romeo... I'm slowly coming to realize that's not how life works despite how my life has been so far.

So no I'm clinically depressed. I just haven't had any adversity to fight through and so far I haven't done much fighting.

But you can't be "Romeo"... "Romeo" is for tall white dudes.

 

[McGarnicle]

Logic doesn't work in here dude.

I know. I've read the thread for months. I'm just having a frustrating day and finally couldn't hold it in anymore.

I understand the frustration. I want to slap the #### out this guy.

How old is he? 30-ish?

I think he's in his mid- to late-20s. Honestly, people are being a little too hard on 16. He's young enough that he should get a little slack when he makes mistakes.

I don't have any issue with his mistakes. Mistakes happen, and they happen at all ages. To everyone. The issue I have is with his attitude about all of this, and the self-important, self-aggrandizing, nearly-year-long obsession with proving just how badly he got screwed over by dragging it out to be the defining moment in his life and trying to heap all of his problems onto other people and ask them to feel badly for him for all that time. That's not a mistake, that's a major life problem and it's beginning to border on becoming his entire personality. That's a bad thing.That said, him being sub-30 makes sense. Hopefully that'll all work itself out in the next couple years.

I've wondered a few times if 16 isn't clinically depressed. I've had low-grade depression on and off since high school which I currently self-medicate with alcohol, and I see a lot of the same thought patterns in 16's posts that I once had.

Yeah, I feel the same way. He may need some kind of low-level medication for a year or so to try to remember what it's like to live in a state other than the one he's been living in.As a side note, medicating depression with alcohol isn't the best idea in the world, as I'm sure you know.

Not depressed at all, just a heartbroken guy who has yet to fully come to grasp that life isn't always a fairy tale. I mean I knew there are difficult times in life and that they happen. Visiting family in a 3rd world country will keep you in check, but up until this point my life has been uneventful. My parents have been married for 26 years, are in good health, and have stable careers. My brother and I have always been loved, supported, and given almost everything we could want. No deaths have really affected me aside from that of my grandfather, but even then he was old so it was more natural. School academically and socially has always been easy for me. I got good grades without having to devote my entire life to studying (by force or desire). I was never picked on and always had an easy time making and keeping friends. The friends I do have, I have been able to surround myself with generally good people so I've never dealt with the law or #######s. Alyssa was supposed to go the same way. We should have been the college sweethearts that graduate, get married, have kids, and celebrate 50 years of being together. It didn't happen that way and as much as I want that script to play out with me being the unyielding Romeo... I'm slowly coming to realize that's not how life works despite how my life has been so far.So no I'm clinically depressed. I just haven't had any adversity to fight through and so far I haven't done much fighting.

Some people who go through life without a struggle don't know how to handle hardships later in life. They can also tend toward narcissism, conceit and a lack of empathy for people less fortunate. Unfortunately I know people like this. Just mark this time as closure finally. Shut the door completely in your mind, leave no possibility of reconciliation no matter what she says or does. I think part of the problem is you've been holding out hope all this time that there is a possibility of working it out. Just let it go finally so you can move on and feel happy again, and start nailing everything that moves.

 

[DA RAIDERS]

I appreciate what you wrote a bunch. The reason I share everything here is because of that wisdom and perspective you guys have. I sit through all the ball busting, because of posts like yours. Thank you.

You sound like something has your attention right now, so I'm going to reiterate what Ivan and I were discussing a few posts up.Go talk to a therapist and a psychiatrist. Tell those two exactly what's going on and that two different people on an anonymous message board thought some kind of medication might help you. Laugh when you say it if you want, but ask them what they think and whether they think they can help you with a short-term (year-long, or so) low-level medication solution. Tell them you never thought about taking psych meds before, but that you're willing to try anything if it means you don't have to live in a life that's so filled with drama all the time.Seriously, it might actually completely change your life. If it does what it's done for lots of other people, it could give you real perspective in a way you've never had before, and you wouldn't have to be on it for the rest of your life or anything.This chick wasn't your soul mate. She wasn't your "one and only." She was some woman who you shouldn't obsess over now that you're in the place that you're in. Your relationship with her is toxic, and the more you think it was a fantastic relationship, the more convinced I am that you need to speak with a professional. The psych kind.

or bang a fatty.

 

[Henry Ford]

Not depressed at all

I understand that this is how you feel. I also know you have a medical background, so I do take seriously your evaluation of the matter.I will tell you that I have a lot of experience with seeing people who are depressed. Without fail, every one of them needed someone else to tell him/her that depression is the right word. I think you're depressed. I'm not a doctor or a therapist, however. I recommend that you speak to one or both.The fact is that you have been living in this state for many, many months. Eight, in fact. If you had a friend tell you that he's been having symptoms that people he knows describe as depression for eight months, and had done some unbelievably self-destructive things during that time, would you recommend that he go talk to a professional, just in case?

 

[DA RAIDERS]

good to see you still have this *#### on a pedestal.

*c-word

 

[Henry Ford]

I appreciate what you wrote a bunch. The reason I share everything here is because of that wisdom and perspective you guys have. I sit through all the ball busting, because of posts like yours. Thank you.

You sound like something has your attention right now, so I'm going to reiterate what Ivan and I were discussing a few posts up.Go talk to a therapist and a psychiatrist. Tell those two exactly what's going on and that two different people on an anonymous message board thought some kind of medication might help you. Laugh when you say it if you want, but ask them what they think and whether they think they can help you with a short-term (year-long, or so) low-level medication solution. Tell them you never thought about taking psych meds before, but that you're willing to try anything if it means you don't have to live in a life that's so filled with drama all the time.Seriously, it might actually completely change your life. If it does what it's done for lots of other people, it could give you real perspective in a way you've never had before, and you wouldn't have to be on it for the rest of your life or anything.This chick wasn't your soul mate. She wasn't your "one and only." She was some woman who you shouldn't obsess over now that you're in the place that you're in. Your relationship with her is toxic, and the more you think it was a fantastic relationship, the more convinced I am that you need to speak with a professional. The psych kind.

Not that I am 100% anti med guy, but, you go from essentially telling him to deal with life to take meds temporarily to help deal with life?As you said, he is going through something everyone goes through in life.Just not sure getting him on meds is a good way to start dealing with life's "smaller" problems, like breaking up with a gf.

That's why it's good that I can't prescribe them. I'm not telling him to go on meds, I'm telling him he should go talk to a professional, because he's been exhibiting signs of depression and self-destructive behavior for the last eight months. That's definitely in the area of needing professional intervention, medication or otherwise, before it irreparably changes his personality.

 

[Evilgrin 72]

Alyssa was supposed to go the same way. We should have been the college sweethearts that graduate, get married, have kids, and celebrate 50 years of being together. It didn't happen that way and as much as I want that script to play out with me being the unyielding Romeo... I'm slowly coming to realize that's not how life works despite how my life has been so far.

So no I'm clinically depressed. I just haven't had any adversity to fight through and so far I haven't done much fighting.

But you can't be "Romeo"... "Romeo" is for tall white dudes.

Not necessarily

 

[Henry Ford]

I appreciate what you wrote a bunch. The reason I share everything here is because of that wisdom and perspective you guys have. I sit through all the ball busting, because of posts like yours. Thank you.

You sound like something has your attention right now, so I'm going to reiterate what Ivan and I were discussing a few posts up.Go talk to a therapist and a psychiatrist. Tell those two exactly what's going on and that two different people on an anonymous message board thought some kind of medication might help you. Laugh when you say it if you want, but ask them what they think and whether they think they can help you with a short-term (year-long, or so) low-level medication solution. Tell them you never thought about taking psych meds before, but that you're willing to try anything if it means you don't have to live in a life that's so filled with drama all the time.Seriously, it might actually completely change your life. If it does what it's done for lots of other people, it could give you real perspective in a way you've never had before, and you wouldn't have to be on it for the rest of your life or anything.This chick wasn't your soul mate. She wasn't your "one and only." She was some woman who you shouldn't obsess over now that you're in the place that you're in. Your relationship with her is toxic, and the more you think it was a fantastic relationship, the more convinced I am that you need to speak with a professional. The psych kind.

or bang a fatty.

Yes. Or bang a fatty.

 

[No. 16]

good to see you still have this *#### on a pedestal. *c-word

???Everything I wrote about her was past tense?

 

[No. 16]

I appreciate what you wrote a bunch. The reason I share everything here is because of that wisdom and perspective you guys have. I sit through all the ball busting, because of posts like yours. Thank you.

You sound like something has your attention right now, so I'm going to reiterate what Ivan and I were discussing a few posts up.Go talk to a therapist and a psychiatrist. Tell those two exactly what's going on and that two different people on an anonymous message board thought some kind of medication might help you. Laugh when you say it if you want, but ask them what they think and whether they think they can help you with a short-term (year-long, or so) low-level medication solution. Tell them you never thought about taking psych meds before, but that you're willing to try anything if it means you don't have to live in a life that's so filled with drama all the time.Seriously, it might actually completely change your life. If it does what it's done for lots of other people, it could give you real perspective in a way you've never had before, and you wouldn't have to be on it for the rest of your life or anything.This chick wasn't your soul mate. She wasn't your "one and only." She was some woman who you shouldn't obsess over now that you're in the place that you're in. Your relationship with her is toxic, and the more you think it was a fantastic relationship, the more convinced I am that you need to speak with a professional. The psych kind.

Not that I am 100% anti med guy, but, you go from essentially telling him to deal with life to take meds temporarily to help deal with life?As you said, he is going through something everyone goes through in life.Just not sure getting him on meds is a good way to start dealing with life's "smaller" problems, like breaking up with a gf.

That's why it's good that I can't prescribe them. I'm not telling him to go on meds, I'm telling him he should go talk to a professional, because he's been exhibiting signs of depression and self-destructive behavior for the last eight months. That's definitely in the area of needing professional intervention, medication or otherwise, before it irreparably changes his personality.

Just wondering what you categorize as self-destructive behavior aside form the DUI?

 

[Zegras11]

good to see you still have this *#### on a pedestal. *c-word

???Everything I wrote about her was past tense?

But you keep writing about her

 

[bshell27]

good to see you still have this *#### on a pedestal. *c-word

???Everything I wrote about her was past tense?

But you keep writing about her

 

[comfortably numb]

I appreciate what you wrote a bunch. The reason I share everything here is because of that wisdom and perspective you guys have. I sit through all the ball busting, because of posts like yours. Thank you.

You sound like something has your attention right now, so I'm going to reiterate what Ivan and I were discussing a few posts up.Go talk to a therapist and a psychiatrist. Tell those two exactly what's going on and that two different people on an anonymous message board thought some kind of medication might help you. Laugh when you say it if you want, but ask them what they think and whether they think they can help you with a short-term (year-long, or so) low-level medication solution. Tell them you never thought about taking psych meds before, but that you're willing to try anything if it means you don't have to live in a life that's so filled with drama all the time.Seriously, it might actually completely change your life. If it does what it's done for lots of other people, it could give you real perspective in a way you've never had before, and you wouldn't have to be on it for the rest of your life or anything.This chick wasn't your soul mate. She wasn't your "one and only." She was some woman who you shouldn't obsess over now that you're in the place that you're in. Your relationship with her is toxic, and the more you think it was a fantastic relationship, the more convinced I am that you need to speak with a professional. The psych kind.

Not that I am 100% anti med guy, but, you go from essentially telling him to deal with life to take meds temporarily to help deal with life?As you said, he is going through something everyone goes through in life.Just not sure getting him on meds is a good way to start dealing with life's "smaller" problems, like breaking up with a gf.

That's why it's good that I can't prescribe them. I'm not telling him to go on meds, I'm telling him he should go talk to a professional, because he's been exhibiting signs of depression and self-destructive behavior for the last eight months. That's definitely in the area of needing professional intervention, medication or otherwise, before it irreparably changes his personality.

Fair enough.I just feel people are a bit too quick to get on meds. If this is the 1st thing he is really dealing with in life, finding away to mentally get through and become stronger as opposed to getting on meds (even temporarily) would be more ideal for his future hardships in life.

 

[No. 16]

Logic doesn't work in here dude.

I know. I've read the thread for months. I'm just having a frustrating day and finally couldn't hold it in anymore.

I understand the frustration. I want to slap the #### out this guy.

How old is he? 30-ish?

I think he's in his mid- to late-20s. Honestly, people are being a little too hard on 16. He's young enough that he should get a little slack when he makes mistakes.

I don't have any issue with his mistakes. Mistakes happen, and they happen at all ages. To everyone. The issue I have is with his attitude about all of this, and the self-important, self-aggrandizing, nearly-year-long obsession with proving just how badly he got screwed over by dragging it out to be the defining moment in his life and trying to heap all of his problems onto other people and ask them to feel badly for him for all that time. That's not a mistake, that's a major life problem and it's beginning to border on becoming his entire personality. That's a bad thing.

That said, him being sub-30 makes sense. Hopefully that'll all work itself out in the next couple years.

I've wondered a few times if 16 isn't clinically depressed. I've had low-grade depression on and off since high school which I currently self-medicate with alcohol, and I see a lot of the same thought patterns in 16's posts that I once had.

Yeah, I feel the same way. He may need some kind of low-level medication for a year or so to try to remember what it's like to live in a state other than the one he's been living in.As a side note, medicating depression with alcohol isn't the best idea in the world, as I'm sure you know.

Not depressed at all, just a heartbroken guy who has yet to fully come to grasp that life isn't always a fairy tale. I mean I knew there are difficult times in life and that they happen. Visiting family in a 3rd world country will keep you in check, but up until this point my life has been uneventful.

My parents have been married for 26 years, are in good health, and have stable careers. My brother and I have always been loved, supported, and given almost everything we could want. No deaths have really affected me aside from that of my grandfather, but even then he was old so it was more natural. School academically and socially has always been easy for me. I got good grades without having to devote my entire life to studying (by force or desire). I was never picked on and always had an easy time making and keeping friends. The friends I do have, I have been able to surround myself with generally good people so I've never dealt with the law or #######s.

Alyssa was supposed to go the same way. We should have been the college sweethearts that graduate, get married, have kids, and celebrate 50 years of being together. It didn't happen that way and as much as I want that script to play out with me being the unyielding Romeo... I'm slowly coming to realize that's not how life works despite how my life has been so far.

So no I'm clinically depressed. I just haven't had any adversity to fight through and so far I haven't done much fighting.

Some people who go through life without a struggle don't know how to handle hardships later in life. They can also tend toward narcissism, conceit and a lack of empathy for people less fortunate. Unfortunately I know people like this. Just mark this time as closure finally. Shut the door completely in your mind, leave no possibility of reconciliation no matter what she says or does. I think part of the problem is you've been holding out hope all this time that there is a possibility of working it out. Just let it go finally so you can move on and feel happy again, and start nailing everything that moves.

Exactly.

 

[Henry Ford]

Just wondering what you categorize as self-destructive behavior aside form the DUI?

Binge drinking, drug use, irresponsible and dangerous unprotected sexual activity with high-risk partners, continuing to get involved with your ex-girlfriend despite the fact that she's lying to you and treating you terribly... and yes, the DUI.

 

[identikit]

good to see you still have this *#### on a pedestal. *c-word

???Everything I wrote about her was past tense?

You've done the past tense thing throughout this whole thread.How accurate has that been?

 

[Henry Ford]

I appreciate what you wrote a bunch. The reason I share everything here is because of that wisdom and perspective you guys have. I sit through all the ball busting, because of posts like yours. Thank you.

You sound like something has your attention right now, so I'm going to reiterate what Ivan and I were discussing a few posts up.Go talk to a therapist and a psychiatrist. Tell those two exactly what's going on and that two different people on an anonymous message board thought some kind of medication might help you. Laugh when you say it if you want, but ask them what they think and whether they think they can help you with a short-term (year-long, or so) low-level medication solution. Tell them you never thought about taking psych meds before, but that you're willing to try anything if it means you don't have to live in a life that's so filled with drama all the time.Seriously, it might actually completely change your life. If it does what it's done for lots of other people, it could give you real perspective in a way you've never had before, and you wouldn't have to be on it for the rest of your life or anything.This chick wasn't your soul mate. She wasn't your "one and only." She was some woman who you shouldn't obsess over now that you're in the place that you're in. Your relationship with her is toxic, and the more you think it was a fantastic relationship, the more convinced I am that you need to speak with a professional. The psych kind.

Not that I am 100% anti med guy, but, you go from essentially telling him to deal with life to take meds temporarily to help deal with life?As you said, he is going through something everyone goes through in life.Just not sure getting him on meds is a good way to start dealing with life's "smaller" problems, like breaking up with a gf.

That's why it's good that I can't prescribe them. I'm not telling him to go on meds, I'm telling him he should go talk to a professional, because he's been exhibiting signs of depression and self-destructive behavior for the last eight months. That's definitely in the area of needing professional intervention, medication or otherwise, before it irreparably changes his personality.

Fair enough.I just feel people are a bit too quick to get on meds. If this is the 1st thing he is really dealing with in life, finding away to mentally get through and become stronger as opposed to getting on meds (even temporarily) would be more ideal for his future hardships in life.

I agree. Or I did eight months ago, at any rate. He clearly thinks he needs some kind of therapy - it's what's going on in this thread. I think the only question is whether he needs medication as well, which he should have a professional evaluate before he makes more decisions that really will affect him for the rest of his life.As for the "suck it up and take responsibility" post - yes. That still holds true. But part of taking responsibility for your life is getting help when you need it, not just "cowboying up" when it isn't something he's capable of yet.

 

[No. 16]

good to see you still have this *#### on a pedestal. *c-word

???Everything I wrote about her was past tense?

But you keep writing about her

She's an important part of the story. People asked why I would endure all this crap for her. I gave an honest answer. As great as I think she is or as terrible as you guys think she is the point I understand now is that it's not going to work out between us anymore. I was given a chance to take a peek and while it was good, it wasn't all good.

 

[No. 16]

Just wondering what you categorize as self-destructive behavior aside form the DUI?

Binge drinking, drug use, irresponsible and dangerous unprotected sexual activity with high-risk partners,continuing to get involved with your ex-girlfriend despite the fact that she's lying to you and treating you terribly... and yes, the DUI.

I think that's most 20-somethings.

 

[Henry Ford]

As great as I think she is or as terrible as you guys think she is the point I understand now is that it's not going to work out between us anymore. I was given a chance to take a peek and while it was good, it wasn't all good.

If you can take this sentence, make it your mantra for a month, and not have any contact with her whatsoever during that time, you'll feel much better at the end of that month. If you can't, please take my earlier advice and talk to a professional.

 

[Henry Ford]

Just wondering what you categorize as self-destructive behavior aside form the DUI?

Binge drinking, drug use, irresponsible and dangerous unprotected sexual activity with high-risk partners,continuing to get involved with your ex-girlfriend despite the fact that she's lying to you and treating you terribly... and yes, the DUI.

I think that's most 20-somethings.

That's lots of 22-year-olds. You're not 22.

 

[Slapdash]

I get it. I get the drama, and the need to feel special, and the "woe is me." I get feeling like you have to justify spending the last 7 years with this woman by mind-****ing yourself into thinking you were essentially married. I get wanting everyone to feel sorry for you because you got a raw deal on something. We've all been there. Hell, in the back of our minds, many of us want to just say "to hell with it. Lots of people get to wallow in self pity. Why not me?"At some point you're going to have to look in the mirror and take responsibility for your life. Not just your choices (like the DUI, which you also need to take responsibility for) and not just your possessions (like a dog, which you're going to have to take responsibility for, I assume) but for your whole life. That means when terrible things happen, you have to say "yes, I assumed bad things were going to happen, and it's my job to deal with them and move forward." Even when it's not your fault. Even when there's nothing you can do about it.There's a reason that lots of first-time parents say they didn't really start living until they had kids. Lots of people never understand this concept until they have kids, but it's very similar. You don't just raise kids and take responsibility for teaching them things. You take responsibility for the kids - for their good decisions, whether or not they're really your fault, and for their bad decisions, whether or not they're really your fault. Your kid accidentally knocks a baseball into the neighbor's car window? Tough luck. Go talk to the neighbor, take your lumps, and pay for it. Move on. Same thing with your life, 16. Something bad has happened. It can either be something bad that happened in your life, or it can be the bad thing that defines your life. Make a decision. Most of the guys who actually got divorced on this board have gotten everything dealt with and moved on faster than you've managed to figure out whether you want to keep this stupid dog or not. That's because they're handling it like adults.You want to see someone dealing with a major life issue like an adult? Look at most of the guys posting about divorce on this board, or at NCCommish. That guy's a god-damned rock. Life threw the guy the biggest curve-ball you can get - his sweetheart for over 30 years being sick and having to care for her - and you know what he does? He stays active in his and his wife's lives and stays roughly the smartest, most caring guy you'll find on this or any other board. He takes care of her. He works his butt off to make the world a better place where he can. Read some of his posts. Then look at what you've posted in here. Might be illuminating.

Great post.