Arizona Ron
Footballguy
I was notified several weeks ago that I need to move in a few months; the condo owner thinks found a buyer for the place. The current owner and I are friends, I’ve been living there with no lease just paying month-to-month. No sweat, it was the hand shake deal going in anyway.
One of my colleagues has a wife who does real estate in DC and has been trying to get me connect with her to buy in the city. I’ve been avoiding buying since my wife and I split – I think some of it is because I believe I’ll actually live in my own house again on the VA side of the river. The other apprehension is I just don’t like the thought of living in DC but most of the business is there, I hang out there and my circle of friends is there. Ice (female friend of mine) stayed at my place last night and didn’t want to go home so I took her with me to go Condo shopping with me.
My colleagues’ wife set up a few private owner willing to rent for a year with the option to buy; I was even willing to pay 6-months up front, if needed, but would also consider an out-right buy if the price was right. I prefer a get-away option if I really don’t like living in DC though. Living in Arlington was hard enough when it comes to being close to my daughter, DC just adds another 30+ minutes on to it. Not from a mileage perspective but from a shear daily traffic unknowns that go on with DC every day.
Today is no different; while I’m driving to meet Ice and the real estate agent in Mt. Vernon to check out condos, New York Ave is blocked with ‘Black Lives Matters’ protesters. Ice is yelling out of her car and giving the protesters the finger:
Me: Ice, chill don’t make this worst FFS
Ice: #### them, traffic in this city already sucks without this BS.
Me: (The real estate agent calls during and apologized saying she’s 45+ minutes away) let’s grab a drink and sit this out. There’s a hipster bar near here, “poets and something” or other. I U-turn and negotiate my way to the parking garage nearby.
While we’re walking out of the parking garage to the bar, Ice asks me:
Ice: “So who’s this chick? I saw her online profile - She’s cute”
Me: “Who, the real estate agent?”
Ice: “Yeah, what’s her deal? You sullied this one yet or no?”
Me: “No, she’s married to a dude I do business with
“
Ice: “So if I bull her while you’re getting cucked in the corner, I guess you know it’s home sweet home right? Sign the paperwork right there?”
Me: “For one, that’s not going to happen and, two, a chick can’t be a bull. Only a dude can do that.”
We get to the bar:
Host: “table for two?”
Ice: “no, we’ll just go to the bar”
We sit at the bar. The bartender comes over, introduces herself and stretches her hand out to shake. Ice shakes her hand smiling at her, I wave hi and act like I don’t see her hand while turning to Ice.
Me: “So thoughts on living in DC?”
Ice: (Ice completely ignores my attempt at changing the conversation and says this in front of the bartender while she’s trying to get us drinks) “So by your logic, what if two guys, a couple, invite third guy in. One of the couple sits and observes his significant getting plowed by a third party? The third party is the bull, the dude watching is the cuck, right?
Me: (the bartender is looking at me oddly) “Arnold Palmer, thanks” (I turn to Ice – lowing my voice in an attempt to make her do the same) in that example yes…I guess so, but that wouldn’t be the case with three chicks”.
Ice: “Why?” (turns to the bartender) “double vodka, soda and a splash of cran”.
Me: “No, wait you’re changing up the whole premise. You said if you bull the real estate agent then I’ll be the cuck and I’ll feel at home. Right? The real estate agent and I aren’t a thing so if you hook up with her, it means nothing to me. I’m just a dude watching two chicks make out. Also, who says I’d stay there to watch?”
Ice: “You’re getting cucked, dude - by this bull ##### right here
Me: “Doubt it, she seems somewhat of a prude from her profile info”
Ice: (downs the first drink, orders another) “that’s the best kind, watch – literally”.
I get a call from the real estate agent, she says she’s looking for parking and will meet us at the building shortly; I ask the bartender for the check but Ice quickly orders another drink on the tab.
Me: “We need to go”
Ice: “That ##### can wait, she’s already late and we’re buying – she’s selling”
Umm, technically I’m buying but whatever - I pay the check. We start walking out of the bar to the condo building
Ice: “What’s your deal with not shaking hands anyway?”
Me: “Hands are gross”
Ice: “You’ll bang a chick with no condom but get weirded out by shaking hands. Hell, just few nights ago you were biting that trashy chicks #### in the club”
Me: “I could argue the average nipple is cleaner than the average hand”
Ice: “Nipples sweat too”
Me: “Yeah but no one wipes their ### with a nipple; I guess the only chance would be if someone takes a dump on a chicks nipples – which reminds me, I have a dentist appointment I need to reschedule next week”.
Ice: “You have some real deep seeded issues Ronnie boy”
Me: “Says the dike who wants to cuck her friend while banging some NOVA-mom real estate agent”
It’s not real hot today but hot enough. I’m in grey pants and white shirt by Club Monaco and black Bally loafers. Ice is in a pleated skirt, rose printed silk shirt and heals – I really can’t tell if Ice is wearing Burberry or something she bought from boutique store that sells cheap clothes and costume jewelry at times; this is one of those times.
We meet the real estate agent in the condo lobby; we quickly realized her online profile picture is a little ‘dated’. She looked like Britt McHenry in her profile picture and business card but looks more like Dana Bash in person. I glare at Ice to see this look of disappointment
We exchanged pleasantries and proceeded to do a walk through. While she’s showing us around the condo; I couldn’t help but do things like “So Ice, what if I put a sitting chair in this corner – what do you think?” Ice is making chocking gestures behind the real estate agent’s back.
It was a long day, we looked at a few buildings around K St. in the Mt. Vernon area but I couldn’t find one that made sense. None were close enough to reasonably walk to work and I like having my car with me anyway. Ice disappears for a bit while I’m working out verbal ‘what-if’s’ to rent, rent-to-own or purchase with the agent. I’d still have to pay for monthly parking near my office – I figure if I’m going to drive anyway, I might as well be on the VA side. The entire idea just didn’t make sense.
I told the real estate agent I needed time to think things over but was very honest that I didn’t see a scenario at the time that made real sense. She offered to show me other places for sale but I said we’ll do that another day – it’s late in the afternoon. I call Ice to figure out her whereabouts; she’s back at the bar. I walk back to the bar to catch up with her and she’s surrounded by a few young guys that look fresh out of the office. Ice is in drunk-loud-mid-story mode while the bartender is looking at me with the ‘get your friend out of here’ eyes.
Me: “Ice, let’s go”
One of guys stepped between me and Ice: “She’s fine bro” (tough guy look).
I tilt my head looking at this dude, with a “really?” face
I’ve never claimed to be Van Damme but this guy might be 5’ 4” 140lbs (it’s always the smallest dude starting ####…always…). As much of an ### Ice can be, she’s still someone I really care about – I’m not leaving her day-drunk in a bar full of strangers. Ice can handle herself (well usually) but it’s principal.
Bartender speaks up and defused the situation: “She’s with him (referring to me), she has to go”
Tough Guy, trying to save face, reaches to Ice to get her attention while saying, “are you going to be (interrupted)”
Ice: “GET YOUR ####ING HANDS OFF ME” – Tough Guy apologizes and steps back.
That gets the attention of the entire place; the Bartender tells me to take her with me – we leave.
I drive the both of us back to my place – I take my laptop onto the deck to smoke and attend to a few emails while Ice is in my kitchen powering through vodka.
I’m not sure what’s up with Ice lately; she’s been a partier as longs as I’ve known her but it she seems to drink with determination now. I walk to the kitchen to get a drink, Ice is on her phone in just panties and a t-shirt; she’s white-girl wasted at this point talking in cursive then hands me the phone with a, “please deal with this person” attitude towards the person on the phone – It’s Amber (my ex wife’s ex who hooks up with Ice off and on). Amber says she’s close by and needs to stop over to speak to Ice.
Amber shows up about an hour or so later. I’m in sweatshorts and tee watching TV while Ice is passed out on the adjacent couch. Amber walks in, doesn’t look happy.
Me: Hey Amber, it’s been a while...
(Amber walks by me without speaking, looks around a bit then sees Ice passed out on the couch.)
Amber: (Looking at me now, pissed) WTF is wrong with you?
Me: Excuse me?
Amber: Why do you keep doing this to her?
Me: Time out – doing what?
Amber: Why do you let her get like this? (visibly shaken)
Me: Amber, please sit down.
(Amber starts preening herself to hold back tears, then finally sits down. I also sit but restrain myself from immediately demanding an explanation – I wait avoiding eye contact with her until she’s at ease.)
Amber: Ron, she’s not well.
Me: Well we know that, haha (my stupid grin is wiped away by Amber’s serious demeanor).
Amber: Did she tell you she was in the hospital last week? Again?
Me: What? No, and again? Again, for what!?!?
Amber: It was for alcohol Ron. She drinks all day, eats like crap and still runs outside for hours; the first time it happened was a few weeks ago. She was over my place and woke up with her heart racing – I thought she was overdosing or something so I took her to the ER. She wouldn’t tell me what happened but I found her discharge papers in her car. They treated her for dehydration and detoxing from alcohol. Then last week she said she wanted to stop drinking so I stayed with her but then it happened again. Now you have her over here with alcohol all over your place. Ice gave me her house keys to check on her; I kept finding bottles around her house and generally trying to help her quit drinking.
(I honestly haven’t noticed Ice’s problem; I don’t hang around her for long periods of time unless we’re partying then of course she’s drunk but I didn’t know this was an everyday thing.)
Me: I’d like to help and I apologize for not realizing what’s going on.
Amber: Well help me get her back home and stop letting her come here to drink.
Me: Amber, I think she needs to be in a medical facility. She’s not just going to ‘shake this off’ in a few days – she might but she might also have a seizure or something. If we see her drink a lot, the chances are she’s drinking even more.
Amber: She talked about going to a treatment place down in Florida for months but says she can’t leave work that long.
Me: I don’t know if she needs that, she can figure that out later. What I have done in the past for employees with the same problem is to get them to a local detox facility we use then figure out their options after they’ve had a few days to clear their heads. Some people are fine after a week of detoxing, others need more help. We’re not doctors and everyone is different.
Amber: So we just dump her off at some place?
Me: No, pack a suitcase for her – sweats and stuff and I’ll have my Admin set it up. We’ll take her tomorrow.
Amber: What about her job?
Me: She works for a multi-billion dollar company; they aren’t going out of business because she’s out sick for a few days.
(Amber leaves to head to Ice’s house to pack clothes for her. I make another drink to relax in the silence…then dump it out. )
(The next morning I wake up on my couch hearing Ice fumbling around in my kitchen. I walk into the kitchen to make coffee. She has a coffee cup in hand and mumbles something about my ####ty choice of coffee – the Keurig is off and obviously hasn’t been used all morning…)
Ice: Ron, I’m going to hang around here today if that’s cool. I can’t go home, having work done at the house.
Me: No you’re not
Ice: Yes I am, (she launches into some BS about getting her water heater fixed today).
Me: (I interrupt her overly detailed story about the water heater) Amber was here last night (she clearly doesn’t remember talking to Amber last night. Ice looks up at me like a kid who heard mommy was coming to school that day because you were bad).
Ice: For what?
Me: For what’s in that cup, that’s what.
(Ice pounds her drink then pours another with an “I dare you to stop me” look on her face…but I don’t stop her.)
Me: We’re going to take you to a detox facility today. They’ll get you through not drinking a few days then you can decide how you want to proceed from there. I love you Ice (I hold her).
(I thought Ice would fight me, scream, yell, etc…she didn’t. She just stood there, shrinking…then teared up into my arms.)
Amber showed up a bit later with a suitcase packed for Ice; my Admin called and connected us with a facility in FairFax that had availability. Ice was fine now (because she was drinking); Ice took the phone and went through a short call with the facility - Amber and I in ear-shot. They checked her insurance then in so many words told her to keep drinking until she showed up as long as she had a ride.
I drove while Ice and Amber sat in the backseat going through a range of emotions.
I pulled up, Ice and Amber got out. I waited in the car over an hour for Amber to return. Amber came back and got in my car.
Amber: What now?
Part 2
Part 3
One of my colleagues has a wife who does real estate in DC and has been trying to get me connect with her to buy in the city. I’ve been avoiding buying since my wife and I split – I think some of it is because I believe I’ll actually live in my own house again on the VA side of the river. The other apprehension is I just don’t like the thought of living in DC but most of the business is there, I hang out there and my circle of friends is there. Ice (female friend of mine) stayed at my place last night and didn’t want to go home so I took her with me to go Condo shopping with me.
My colleagues’ wife set up a few private owner willing to rent for a year with the option to buy; I was even willing to pay 6-months up front, if needed, but would also consider an out-right buy if the price was right. I prefer a get-away option if I really don’t like living in DC though. Living in Arlington was hard enough when it comes to being close to my daughter, DC just adds another 30+ minutes on to it. Not from a mileage perspective but from a shear daily traffic unknowns that go on with DC every day.
Today is no different; while I’m driving to meet Ice and the real estate agent in Mt. Vernon to check out condos, New York Ave is blocked with ‘Black Lives Matters’ protesters. Ice is yelling out of her car and giving the protesters the finger:
Me: Ice, chill don’t make this worst FFS
Ice: #### them, traffic in this city already sucks without this BS.
Me: (The real estate agent calls during and apologized saying she’s 45+ minutes away) let’s grab a drink and sit this out. There’s a hipster bar near here, “poets and something” or other. I U-turn and negotiate my way to the parking garage nearby.
While we’re walking out of the parking garage to the bar, Ice asks me:
Ice: “So who’s this chick? I saw her online profile - She’s cute”
Me: “Who, the real estate agent?”
Ice: “Yeah, what’s her deal? You sullied this one yet or no?”
Me: “No, she’s married to a dude I do business with
“Ice: “So if I bull her while you’re getting cucked in the corner, I guess you know it’s home sweet home right? Sign the paperwork right there?”
Me: “For one, that’s not going to happen and, two, a chick can’t be a bull. Only a dude can do that.”
We get to the bar:
Host: “table for two?”
Ice: “no, we’ll just go to the bar”
We sit at the bar. The bartender comes over, introduces herself and stretches her hand out to shake. Ice shakes her hand smiling at her, I wave hi and act like I don’t see her hand while turning to Ice.
Me: “So thoughts on living in DC?”
Ice: (Ice completely ignores my attempt at changing the conversation and says this in front of the bartender while she’s trying to get us drinks) “So by your logic, what if two guys, a couple, invite third guy in. One of the couple sits and observes his significant getting plowed by a third party? The third party is the bull, the dude watching is the cuck, right?
Me: (the bartender is looking at me oddly) “Arnold Palmer, thanks” (I turn to Ice – lowing my voice in an attempt to make her do the same) in that example yes…I guess so, but that wouldn’t be the case with three chicks”.
Ice: “Why?” (turns to the bartender) “double vodka, soda and a splash of cran”.
Me: “No, wait you’re changing up the whole premise. You said if you bull the real estate agent then I’ll be the cuck and I’ll feel at home. Right? The real estate agent and I aren’t a thing so if you hook up with her, it means nothing to me. I’m just a dude watching two chicks make out. Also, who says I’d stay there to watch?”
Ice: “You’re getting cucked, dude - by this bull ##### right here
Me: “Doubt it, she seems somewhat of a prude from her profile info”
Ice: (downs the first drink, orders another) “that’s the best kind, watch – literally”.
I get a call from the real estate agent, she says she’s looking for parking and will meet us at the building shortly; I ask the bartender for the check but Ice quickly orders another drink on the tab.
Me: “We need to go”
Ice: “That ##### can wait, she’s already late and we’re buying – she’s selling”
Umm, technically I’m buying but whatever - I pay the check. We start walking out of the bar to the condo building
Ice: “What’s your deal with not shaking hands anyway?”
Me: “Hands are gross”
Ice: “You’ll bang a chick with no condom but get weirded out by shaking hands. Hell, just few nights ago you were biting that trashy chicks #### in the club”
Me: “I could argue the average nipple is cleaner than the average hand”
Ice: “Nipples sweat too”
Me: “Yeah but no one wipes their ### with a nipple; I guess the only chance would be if someone takes a dump on a chicks nipples – which reminds me, I have a dentist appointment I need to reschedule next week”.
Ice: “You have some real deep seeded issues Ronnie boy”
Me: “Says the dike who wants to cuck her friend while banging some NOVA-mom real estate agent”
It’s not real hot today but hot enough. I’m in grey pants and white shirt by Club Monaco and black Bally loafers. Ice is in a pleated skirt, rose printed silk shirt and heals – I really can’t tell if Ice is wearing Burberry or something she bought from boutique store that sells cheap clothes and costume jewelry at times; this is one of those times.
We meet the real estate agent in the condo lobby; we quickly realized her online profile picture is a little ‘dated’. She looked like Britt McHenry in her profile picture and business card but looks more like Dana Bash in person. I glare at Ice to see this look of disappointment
We exchanged pleasantries and proceeded to do a walk through. While she’s showing us around the condo; I couldn’t help but do things like “So Ice, what if I put a sitting chair in this corner – what do you think?” Ice is making chocking gestures behind the real estate agent’s back.
It was a long day, we looked at a few buildings around K St. in the Mt. Vernon area but I couldn’t find one that made sense. None were close enough to reasonably walk to work and I like having my car with me anyway. Ice disappears for a bit while I’m working out verbal ‘what-if’s’ to rent, rent-to-own or purchase with the agent. I’d still have to pay for monthly parking near my office – I figure if I’m going to drive anyway, I might as well be on the VA side. The entire idea just didn’t make sense.
I told the real estate agent I needed time to think things over but was very honest that I didn’t see a scenario at the time that made real sense. She offered to show me other places for sale but I said we’ll do that another day – it’s late in the afternoon. I call Ice to figure out her whereabouts; she’s back at the bar. I walk back to the bar to catch up with her and she’s surrounded by a few young guys that look fresh out of the office. Ice is in drunk-loud-mid-story mode while the bartender is looking at me with the ‘get your friend out of here’ eyes.
Me: “Ice, let’s go”
One of guys stepped between me and Ice: “She’s fine bro” (tough guy look).
I tilt my head looking at this dude, with a “really?” face
I’ve never claimed to be Van Damme but this guy might be 5’ 4” 140lbs (it’s always the smallest dude starting ####…always…). As much of an ### Ice can be, she’s still someone I really care about – I’m not leaving her day-drunk in a bar full of strangers. Ice can handle herself (well usually) but it’s principal.
Bartender speaks up and defused the situation: “She’s with him (referring to me), she has to go”
Tough Guy, trying to save face, reaches to Ice to get her attention while saying, “are you going to be (interrupted)”
Ice: “GET YOUR ####ING HANDS OFF ME” – Tough Guy apologizes and steps back.
That gets the attention of the entire place; the Bartender tells me to take her with me – we leave.
I drive the both of us back to my place – I take my laptop onto the deck to smoke and attend to a few emails while Ice is in my kitchen powering through vodka.
I’m not sure what’s up with Ice lately; she’s been a partier as longs as I’ve known her but it she seems to drink with determination now. I walk to the kitchen to get a drink, Ice is on her phone in just panties and a t-shirt; she’s white-girl wasted at this point talking in cursive then hands me the phone with a, “please deal with this person” attitude towards the person on the phone – It’s Amber (my ex wife’s ex who hooks up with Ice off and on). Amber says she’s close by and needs to stop over to speak to Ice.
Amber shows up about an hour or so later. I’m in sweatshorts and tee watching TV while Ice is passed out on the adjacent couch. Amber walks in, doesn’t look happy.
Me: Hey Amber, it’s been a while...
(Amber walks by me without speaking, looks around a bit then sees Ice passed out on the couch.)
Amber: (Looking at me now, pissed) WTF is wrong with you?
Me: Excuse me?
Amber: Why do you keep doing this to her?
Me: Time out – doing what?
Amber: Why do you let her get like this? (visibly shaken)
Me: Amber, please sit down.
(Amber starts preening herself to hold back tears, then finally sits down. I also sit but restrain myself from immediately demanding an explanation – I wait avoiding eye contact with her until she’s at ease.)
Amber: Ron, she’s not well.
Me: Well we know that, haha (my stupid grin is wiped away by Amber’s serious demeanor).
Amber: Did she tell you she was in the hospital last week? Again?
Me: What? No, and again? Again, for what!?!?
Amber: It was for alcohol Ron. She drinks all day, eats like crap and still runs outside for hours; the first time it happened was a few weeks ago. She was over my place and woke up with her heart racing – I thought she was overdosing or something so I took her to the ER. She wouldn’t tell me what happened but I found her discharge papers in her car. They treated her for dehydration and detoxing from alcohol. Then last week she said she wanted to stop drinking so I stayed with her but then it happened again. Now you have her over here with alcohol all over your place. Ice gave me her house keys to check on her; I kept finding bottles around her house and generally trying to help her quit drinking.
(I honestly haven’t noticed Ice’s problem; I don’t hang around her for long periods of time unless we’re partying then of course she’s drunk but I didn’t know this was an everyday thing.)
Me: I’d like to help and I apologize for not realizing what’s going on.
Amber: Well help me get her back home and stop letting her come here to drink.
Me: Amber, I think she needs to be in a medical facility. She’s not just going to ‘shake this off’ in a few days – she might but she might also have a seizure or something. If we see her drink a lot, the chances are she’s drinking even more.
Amber: She talked about going to a treatment place down in Florida for months but says she can’t leave work that long.
Me: I don’t know if she needs that, she can figure that out later. What I have done in the past for employees with the same problem is to get them to a local detox facility we use then figure out their options after they’ve had a few days to clear their heads. Some people are fine after a week of detoxing, others need more help. We’re not doctors and everyone is different.
Amber: So we just dump her off at some place?
Me: No, pack a suitcase for her – sweats and stuff and I’ll have my Admin set it up. We’ll take her tomorrow.
Amber: What about her job?
Me: She works for a multi-billion dollar company; they aren’t going out of business because she’s out sick for a few days.
(Amber leaves to head to Ice’s house to pack clothes for her. I make another drink to relax in the silence…then dump it out. )
(The next morning I wake up on my couch hearing Ice fumbling around in my kitchen. I walk into the kitchen to make coffee. She has a coffee cup in hand and mumbles something about my ####ty choice of coffee – the Keurig is off and obviously hasn’t been used all morning…)
Ice: Ron, I’m going to hang around here today if that’s cool. I can’t go home, having work done at the house.
Me: No you’re not
Ice: Yes I am, (she launches into some BS about getting her water heater fixed today).
Me: (I interrupt her overly detailed story about the water heater) Amber was here last night (she clearly doesn’t remember talking to Amber last night. Ice looks up at me like a kid who heard mommy was coming to school that day because you were bad).
Ice: For what?
Me: For what’s in that cup, that’s what.
(Ice pounds her drink then pours another with an “I dare you to stop me” look on her face…but I don’t stop her.)
Me: We’re going to take you to a detox facility today. They’ll get you through not drinking a few days then you can decide how you want to proceed from there. I love you Ice (I hold her).
(I thought Ice would fight me, scream, yell, etc…she didn’t. She just stood there, shrinking…then teared up into my arms.)
Amber showed up a bit later with a suitcase packed for Ice; my Admin called and connected us with a facility in FairFax that had availability. Ice was fine now (because she was drinking); Ice took the phone and went through a short call with the facility - Amber and I in ear-shot. They checked her insurance then in so many words told her to keep drinking until she showed up as long as she had a ride.
I drove while Ice and Amber sat in the backseat going through a range of emotions.
I pulled up, Ice and Amber got out. I waited in the car over an hour for Amber to return. Amber came back and got in my car.
Amber: What now?
Part 2
Part 3
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Look at his other thread, great stories but the consensus is all 
