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Someone Asked Me for Gas at the Pump (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter Jobber
- Start date
ConnSKINS26
Footballguy
You are essentially saying that the more people we help without reservation, the more people will ask for help they don't need.
I'm not necessarily saying you're wrong.
It's just a depressing worldview.
comfortably numb
Footballguy
I think thats where i don't see it always the same way.Does your employer follow you around to see if you’re hitting the liquor store after payday?
Most of us are cashless & walk around without any bills. Debit card for everything (though I usually carry some because so many restaurants are cash only or have a high vig if you swipe.)
If you’re worried the ROI on a couple bucks, maybe just answer (probably truthfully) “Sorry I don’t have any cash today” if you’re that concerned about how it’s going to be spent.
We’re literally talking about extending compassion in the form of a few dollars to the most vulnerable people. It’s not gonna move the needle in your life.
Just my, feel free to hold another view.
Compassion in the form of a few dollars is the way we may see it and in some cases feel better about ourselves. Contributing to an addiction or disease has the higher % of being the reality.
And lets not insult the people with an actual disease or addiction. Plenty of panhandlers that are just lazy and would absolutely use their kids to generate more income.
I just recalled this one lady in our neighborhood that would stroll around in a wheelchair. She would panhandle at the corner wheeling from 1 car to another sometimes cursing at people that ignored her. I would watch her from my window, then the best part was watching her alone before more cars would reach the light...tossing the pennies out of her cup...lol
To me it hasn't been about compassion as much, its honestly; "am i hurting this person by giving them a few bucks?"
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I was going to buy a coffee and a guy standing outside the door asked me if I would buy him one. Didn't seem like a big deal so I said OK. Regretted it instantly as he asked for an extra large with 5 cream and 5 sugar. Felt ridiculous ordering it, so I told the lady at the counter who it was for and she laughed and told me that he had been banned from the establishment.
Mister CIA
Footballguy
If I suddenly found myself homeless and in need of money, I would immediately adopt a floppy-eared, three-legged dog with a waggy tail - like the one I have now. Pretty sure I've let six-figures slip away over the past nine years.
Sign: Need money for skwirl trap.
Sign: Need money for skwirl trap.
Leroy Hoard
Footballguy
BobbyLayne
Footballguy
Maybe next time someone asked you for a buck, give them 5 minutes instead. Find out what their story is, and you’ll be giving them something they forgot they had. Their dignity.
It’ll mean more to them than you can imagine.
Terminalxylem
Footballguy
I prefer someone just ask for help, without clarification or verification. Better yet, they should use community resources and not obstruct traffic or interrupt someone minding their own business.
Although it certainly isn’t every beggar’s intent, I’m struggling to understand how enabling substance abuse is morally the “right” thing to do.
Terminalxylem
Footballguy
In many cases you can’t know, but some have enough red flags that not giving is probably the wise choice. But no one is faulting those who give.
BobbyLayne
Footballguy
Without question addiction(s), along with mental health battles, are big factors. TBH I’m not great on offering solutions there. Many of my friends living on the street are addicts, and by category definition, addicts will lie, steal, and break hearts. They’ll get clean, then relapse, over and over. It can be exasperating.
If you saw a hundred dollar bill laying in the gutter, crumpled up, partially torn, dirty from being walked on, stained with oil, you could still pick it up, flatten it out, take it to the bank, and exchange it for five 20s. It’s intrinsic worth never changed.
Each and every person you encounter has value.
Terminalxylem
Footballguy
They should seek out social services, food banks, shelters, etc.
And I don’t know about other posters, but my employer isn’t expecting 100% of my time at work to be spent productively. The again, I don’t punch a clock and keep working until my job is done, so wasting time may ultimately keep me later.
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Terminalxylem
Footballguy
Terminalxylem
Footballguy
Do you practice this yourself? I interact with many homeless individuals, and the vast majority don’t seem interested in chatting about their situation. Granted, that may be due to embarrassment, mental illness, etc., but it still ain’t common.
BobbyLayne
Footballguy
Every day.
You know, if someone is coming over to my house, they ring the buzzer. I have to release the door & I have another 45-60 seconds to tidy up or check my look.
If I’m gonna engage someone on the street, I make sure I approach in their line of sight. I look them in the eye & without saying a word they’ll let me know if they’re up for a convo. If they’re not, I just give them a nod and give them a quiet “how you doing brother?” as I walk past. Maybe next time they’ll be more willing, no need to ever force it.
If they do want to engage, I always try to squat down so we’re eye to eye (lot of panhandlers aw sitting or leaning against buildings.) If it is going well, I’ll sit down on the dirty sidewalk with then. I always ask permission - is it OK if I pray for you, may I put my hand on your shoulder, mind if I give you a hug goodbye? Just always be respectful.
I’m not sure if it’s embarrassment , unless they’re brand new to experiencing homelessness. Most are way past that. But they’re almost always traumatized. If they’re not experiencing a form of PTSD from a specific violent incidence, there’s a lower level trauma that results from the cumulative effect of homelessness. So just kind of be aware that totally normal, functioning folks who are running on lousy food, haven’t slept enough, are on edge, et al, might not be the best version of themselves.
But every person is unique, every encounter is a one off. Just talk to them like you would any friend. Let them lead the conversation. Or ask open ended, non-specific questions. How’s your week going? How you feeling today? Make a pint of remembering their name or details for the next time.
It’s pretty amazing when a friend on the street opens up for the first time. Often it’s been a good long while since someone wanted to listen to them, and pretty soon the challenge is figuring out a graceful way to end it. lol
Sometimes I bomb. One time this very nattily dressed middle aged man asked me, quietly, if I could spare a few bucks for lunch. I stuck out my hand & introduced myself. Tears welled up in his eyes. Later I wondered if it was the first time he had ever panhandled. He picked up his briefcase and shuffled over a few feet. I didn’t know what to do. After an awkward half minute he ducked into the nearest store. I waited 5-10 minutes, answering emails & texts, before I went into the same department store. I found him just inside the store at a coffee kiosk thingy. He panicked as soon as he saw me. I tried to explain but he literally ran across the store.
i walked outside feeling pretty discouraged. Replayed it in my mind, really bothered me. Two or three blocks later I turned west onto 34th in front of Macy’s, and saw my street friend Steve. Someone had stole his sleeping bag & he didn’t have any gloves. I gave him $20 & showed him the street vendor that was selling decent $10 wool gloves. Steve had been on the street for 18 months & his mom had promised to come up from Florida to pick him up, get him off the streets.
That was the last time I saw Steve. Often no way of knowing what happens when someone you see on the regular disappears. I always believe the best outcome happened to them.
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Terminalxylem
Footballguy
That’s very gracious of you. Don’t know what you do for a living, but you’d probably make a wonderful social worker.
I’m fairly antisocial and eternally rushing from point A to B, so I probably lack the patience for your approach.
parasaurolophus
Footballguy
If i told my employer that i only did 9 tps reports because my kid was in the hospital and they still paid me my full salary for doing 27 tps reports and my kid wasnt actually in the hospital you might have a point.Does your employer follow you around to see if you’re hitting the liquor store after payday?
Most of us are cashless & walk around without any bills. Debit card for everything (though I usually carry some because so many restaurants are cash only or have a high vig if you swipe.)
If you’re worried the ROI on a couple bucks, maybe just answer (probably truthfully) “Sorry I don’t have any cash today” if you’re that concerned about how it’s going to be spent.
We’re literally talking about extending compassion in the form of a few dollars to the most vulnerable people. It’s not gonna move the needle in your life.
Just my
As for the bold, it doesnt move the needle in theirs either.
Chaka
Footballguy
It's interesting you bring up the social safety net because I would live to know more about specific programs that help pull people out of the cycle of homelessness and poverty.
It seems to me that our mishmash of federal, state and charity programs does little to actually help people break the cycle of poverty and become stable tax paying contributing members of society who don't need those programs. What we have now keeps some percentage of them transiently somewhat fed and sheltered but otherwise says "You're on your own."
Does that really help society?
Terminalxylem
Footballguy
Homelessness is a b!tch, with no easy solution. A big contributor is changing our policy away from institutionalizing those with severe mental illness. Substance abuse is another major component. Lack of access to affordable housing contributes too, but probably not as much as the other factors I’ve mentioned.
Nobody thinks they’ll solve homelessness, mental illness or poverty with a few bucks. Some of us believe any money is better spent giving to local charities/shelters, or investing time to care for the problems which result from living on the streets. I don’t pretend to know all the services offered, but I’d rather trust social workers to do their job than give my money to a panhandler with unclear intentions.
BobbyLayne
Footballguy
CPA/CFO
Ordinary guy doing ordinary things.
Aside - nobody told me when I was younger that in my mid-to-late 50s I would never sleep through the night due to frequent nighttime urination. #annoyingaf
Terminalxylem
Footballguy
Not sure any C_O can be considered an ordinary guy, but it's admirable you're focused on people in addition to the F in your title. I just hope you aren't p!ssing your money away.
Bull Dozier
Footballguy
The story I referenced earlier in this thread I gave the guy three minutes probably. In that time he lied to me and told me he was where he is after going to jail. Not exactly grounds for me to be motivated to give others a chance.
BobbyLayne
Footballguy
True greatness:
”Tried once, didn’t work, so forget it.”
- No One Ever
”Tried once, didn’t work, so forget it.”
- No One Ever
DallasDMac
Footballguy
I think my favorite part of this thread is people actually thinking I owe them an explanation or answers as to how and why I chose to spend my own money.
squidrope
Footballguy
BobbyLayne
Footballguy
Amazing! The man in this story was across the street from my church today. Hadn’t seen him in the 4-5 months since our last encounter. His eyes lit up in recognition. Didn’t linger too long - this is peak earning hours - but hopefully I’ll get to learn a little more of his story next time.
msommer
Footballguy
top dog
Footballguy
My wife and I were walking into the local casino Friday night. There was a guy sitting outside with a cup. I gave him a couple bucks.. My wife said, "Why do you do that? You know they are just supporting a habit." I told her I liked to drink myself... We all have our vices...
simey
Footballguy
About three years ago I was at a meeting, and a paralegal shared a story with us. I'll call the paralegal Sue. Her boss is a very successful attorney here. Her boss is also a very religious woman. One morning her boss called her on the phone before work, and said she had an odd request for her, and if she didn't want to do it she would understand. Her boss told her that there was a homeless guy on the corner of so and so, and he is there every morning. There was something about him that captured her attention, and she felt like she needed to know his story. She wanted Sue to approach him, and ask him if he would go into McDonalds with her and talk with her. Sue is very versed in Social Security and Disability, and that is why the attorney wanted her to do it. So Sue approached him, and they talked inside McDonalds. This guy (I'll call him John) was 40, but looked very weathered, and it turned out that he had tried to get disability in another state in the past, but was declined, and he gave up. Disability isn't easy to get, especially the first or even second time around. John was not ok mentally or physically. Sue said he was very sweet, and noticeably not well. The attorney took his case pro bono to try to get him disability, and John got it the first time around. They were able to locate John's brother, and he flew down to see him. They found a place for John to live, and took him to doctors, and made it clear to John that he had to continue to go to his dr visits to keep his disability. A year later, John was still in his place and hadn't missed any dr visits. Sue said she didn't think John was long for this world based on his health issues, but he was on his feet again and getting help for his mental and physical issues, and was off the streets. He just needed some help getting help, and someone (the attorney) took a chance on him.
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Chaka
Footballguy
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