Someone Asked Me for Gas at the Pump (1 Viewer)

[ChainsawU]

Y'all are really good at writing imaginary narratives into how you perceive the lives of these total strangers. How do you know so much about what they're gonna use the money for? "Booze and drugs," "drugs and booze," "BS about being hungry." Your brain is scamming you. Your subconscious is making up stories inside your head in order to make these experiences (and how you react to them) more palatable to you. Just so u know.. you have no idea what they're doing with the money. So either help someone or don't, it's really not that big of a deal.

 

[Parrothead]

if someone asked me for gas I'd fart in their general direction

 

[parasaurolophus]

Y'all are really good at writing imaginary narratives into how you perceive the lives of these total strangers. How do you know so much about what they're gonna use the money for? "Booze and drugs," "drugs and booze," "BS about being hungry." Your brain is scamming you. Your subconscious is making up stories inside your head in order to make these experiences (and how you react to them) more palatable to you. Just so u know.. you have no idea what they're doing with the money. So either help someone or don't, it's really not that big of a deal.

There have been surveys that show a pretty decent  % of them are addicted to drugs or are alcoholics. 

ETA: A very high % of them buy cigarettes too. I think that one might actually be the highest %.

 

[Chaka]

Do you feel any sense of responsibility if you felt being very generous to the guy who asked you for a few bucks and you gave him $50 only to find the next day he overdosed on heroin with the money you gave him?

I feel remorse and sadness that his life was so dark but no responsibility for his death.

 

[Leroy Hoard]

Do you feel any sense of responsibility if you felt being very generous to the guy who asked you for a few bucks and you gave him $50 only to find the next day he overdosed on heroin with the money you gave him?

What if I give a jump start to a stranger who crashes his car and kills other people an hour later? Is that my fault too?

 

[tonydead]

There are more scammers to be sure.  My phone was on blast for about a year from scam calls until Google and Verizon did whatever voodoo they did last month and it has almost stopped.

But they do not represent the majority of the homeless people seeking help. You are making the choice to decide their intent is to "scam" you rather than viewing the far more likely proposition that they are in need.  And, I would argue that most of these "scammers" are also in need but I doubt that will move the needle. 

Fox Opinion loves to run with the story of the "homeless" guy with a sign who gets into his Mercedes at the end of the day.  That guy is a unicorn.  We love to judge the lady who uses her SNAP dollars to buy her child a birthday cake and ignore that she is likely choosing to go hungry herself for several days to provide that bit of joy for her child.

We should strive to be better people to those that are in need. Instead we judge them as scammers and ignore reality.

Not even close to a unicorn.  My company builds highways and we see people fold up their fake walkers at the end of the day after standing at the off ramp, put it in the trunk of their car and drive off.   The food people hand them piles up behind the barrier where they toss it and they go count their cash under shade tree at Denny's.  There is serious money to be had in places where this is legal.  You're not living in reality if you think that isn't the norm.

 

[comfortably numb]

I feel remorse and sadness that his life was so dark but no responsibility for his death.

I had many friends that were addicts. Stealing, begging sucking **** for money.

Mark would always ask for money. Sometimes it would come with a crazy excuse. I usually would give it to him cause...i knew him. He was a friend. We played wiifle ball on the block. 

He ODd one night and died. Wasn't the day i gave him money but i contributed by enabling him. We all did.

Going off the premise i feel most people asking for money are looking to feed an addiction. These people need help and support not their next fix. If they're begging/scamming for money they still are not at the point in their addiction that they need to fight and seek help.

I'm taking the chance that my 2 or 20 bucks is just enabling and contributing to their slow death.

Maybe they are really clean and just on hard times. Ive helped, given money car rides and food to many different types. 

I'm not saying i dont give anymore or won't. 

Im saying percentages are, giving money to these people is hurting them more than helping them. 

 

[comfortably numb]

What if I give a jump start to a stranger who crashes his car and kills other people an hour later? Is that my fault too?

Maybe it was a blessing if he killed 3 people on their way to commit a terrorist act?

 

[Leroy Hoard]

Maybe it was a blessing if he killed 3 people on their way to commit a terrorist act?

Or if this was pre war Germany maybe he runs over Hitler. 

 

[comfortably numb]

Or if this was pre war Germany maybe he runs over Hitler. 

Mohammed works in mysterious ways...

 

[Don't Noonan]

if someone asked me for gas I'd fart in their general direction

I do that all of the time regardless

 

[Galileo]

I always feel torn when encountering panhandlers.  Part of me wants to help out.  Part of me wants to ignore them.  It is never a comfortable experience.  I feel like if I give to one, I have to give to the next, and the next, and the next.  Where does it end? There are often several congregated in an area.   Every one of those individuals has their own unique story.  There are certainly those out there playing the scam game as tonydead describes.  There are certainly those with addiction issues that you don't want to enable.  There those that have just encountered an unfortunate string of circumstances.  How do you decide between them?   As a general rule, I do not give to individual panhandlers out in the street.  If I do give to someone on the street it is usually someone who is trying to DO something in exchange for the donation...washing windsheilds, playing music, selling trinkets, etc.  

I much prefer to give and volunteer time at organizations that are better equipped than me to deal with people in these unfortunate circumstances.  One local shelter that I have done some work with offers drug counseling, mental health services, basic job skills training in addition to tending to basic needs.  One of their programs "employs" homeless to put together a periodic newspaper which they then sell on the street.  They will give you one for nothing, but they ask for donations in exchange for the newspaper.  

 

[tonydead]

I always feel torn when encountering panhandlers.  Part of me wants to help out.  Part of me wants to ignore them.  It is never a comfortable experience.  I feel like if I give to one, I have to give to the next, and the next, and the next.  Where does it end? There are often several congregated in an area.   Every one of those individuals has their own unique story.  There are certainly those out there playing the scam game as tonydead describes.  There are certainly those with addiction issues that you don't want to enable.  There those that have just encountered an unfortunate string of circumstances.  How do you decide between them?   As a general rule, I do not give to individual panhandlers out in the street.  If I do give to someone on the street it is usually someone who is trying to DO something in exchange for the donation...washing windsheilds, playing music, selling trinkets, etc.  

I much prefer to give and volunteer time at organizations that are better equipped than me to deal with people in these unfortunate circumstances.  One local shelter that I have done some work with offers drug counseling, mental health services, basic job skills training in addition to tending to basic needs.  One of their programs "employs" homeless to put together a periodic newspaper which they then sell on the street.  They will give you one for nothing, but they ask for donations in exchange for the newspaper.  

Basing my comments on observations made between 1998-2011 in Utah, Colorado and New Mexico. Our field offices are often right along the side of the freeways. We see them set up and leave before and after rush hour. In the metro areas they can stand there all day. Sure some of them may be legit, but, recognizing the regulars that I've seen I know at least half of them were scammers.  At best it's a coin flip when you decide to give these people money, assuming laws and situations haven't changed since then. 

Its a lot different in the Seattle metro today. The homeless is out of control, and you can bet they are in need but, 9O% or more are addicts and are just getting money for their next fix.  Again, direct observation, one of our field offices is in a bad part of town between several of the biggest homeless camps. And right next door to a shelter. You can watch them shooting up just by looking out the window.  Every damn day. 

Do not give these people money. Donate to a cause instead, but, do your homework first. Most of Seattle's "causes" are just enabling. It's sickening. 

Link

 

[Northern Voice]

Y'all are really good at writing imaginary narratives into how you perceive the lives of these total strangers. How do you know so much about what they're gonna use the money for? "Booze and drugs," "drugs and booze," "BS about being hungry." Your brain is scamming you. Your subconscious is making up stories inside your head in order to make these experiences (and how you react to them) more palatable to you. Just so u know.. you have no idea what they're doing with the money. So either help someone or don't, it's really not that big of a deal.

Yeah.

And a lot of people scared/willing to immediately take themselves to the worse case scenario with every person they encounter who for one reason or another is in need. We went from a guy asking for $5 of gas to people thinking/talking in here about being stabbed and killed. 

 

[Chaka]

Not even close to a unicorn.  My company builds highways and we see people fold up their fake walkers at the end of the day after standing at the off ramp, put it in the trunk of their car and drive off.   The food people hand them piles up behind the barrier where they toss it and they go count their cash under shade tree at Denny's.  There is serious money to be had in places where this is legal.  You're not living in reality if you think that isn't the norm.

In Mercedes? And they're not living in it?

Okay.

 

[Chaka]

I had many friends that were addicts. Stealing, begging sucking **** for money.

Mark would always ask for money. Sometimes it would come with a crazy excuse. I usually would give it to him cause...i knew him. He was a friend. We played wiifle ball on the block. 

He ODd one night and died. Wasn't the day i gave him money but i contributed by enabling him. We all did.

Going off the premise i feel most people asking for money are looking to feed an addiction. These people need help and support not their next fix. If they're begging/scamming for money they still are not at the point in their addiction that they need to fight and seek help.

I'm taking the chance that my 2 or 20 bucks is just enabling and contributing to their slow death.

Maybe they are really clean and just on hard times. Ive helped, given money car rides and food to many different types. 

I'm not saying i dont give anymore or won't. 

Im saying percentages are, giving money to these people is hurting them more than helping them. 

Hurting more than doing nothing? Not sure I agree.

 

[honky kong]

I had many friends that were addicts. Stealing, begging sucking **** for money.

Mark would always ask for money. Sometimes it would come with a crazy excuse. I usually would give it to him cause...i knew him. He was a friend. We played wiifle ball on the block. 

He ODd one night and died. Wasn't the day i gave him money but i contributed by enabling him. We all did.

Going off the premise i feel most people asking for money are looking to feed an addiction. These people need help and support not their next fix. If they're begging/scamming for money they still are not at the point in their addiction that they need to fight and seek help.

I'm taking the chance that my 2 or 20 bucks is just enabling and contributing to their slow death.

Maybe they are really clean and just on hard times. Ive helped, given money car rides and food to many different types. 

I'm not saying i dont give anymore or won't. 

Im saying percentages are, giving money to these people is hurting them more than helping them. 

I feel like what's being missed here (in this discussion in general) is that a large percentage of these people are mentally ill. Yes, they need help and support but there is next to nothing in terms of help and support for mentally ill homeless people in this country. So they do what they can do - get money to get blasted to make it through the day.

 

[jhib]

We all think it can't happen to us.

Check your IRAs and 401Ks ladies and gents.  I bet most everyone who responds to that will give some song and dance about how they regularly contribute and max out but national statistics say most of you are scamming yourselves.

We all like to say "I would never..." but life sometimes doesn't offer you that luxury even if you have scammed yourself into believing that.

I'm not sure if you're trying to convince people to have empathy for others and give to people who ask you for help or if you're saying to save all that money for a rainy day so you don't end up where they are. 

 

Actually, I'm hearing you say to give what you can comfortably give without putting yourself at risk.  I admire your attitude. 

I'm one of those who resents the scammers for ruining it for the people who have a greater (or more honest?) need and for ruining it for those who either don't give because of the fear of wasting that money on a scam or who give but can't feel good about it because of the feeling that they got duped.  You can blame it on society, you can blame us for being cynical, but if there weren't a significant percentage of scammers out there then there wouldn't be anything to be cynical about.

I don't see myself completely shaking that feeling, but I appreciate the reminder to try to be more empathetic and the next time I do give to someone who asks, to try to allow myself to just feel good about it instead of second guessing.

 

[Dezbelief]

There’s no chance I buy gas from someone unless I actually know the person and even then I would question it.

I guess my point, which was kind of dumb and pointless, was I’d call that begging more than scamming- but if somebody is that desperate (because of addiction or anything else) then I feel sorry for them.*

*this was directed at Sheikh but you apparently have to be a rocket surgeon to know how to multi quote on a mobile device 

I can't multi quote on a PC, so I feel ya.

Again, you keep putting yourself in the shoes of a gas buyer.  But you're not their customer base.  The same way your not the customer base of a guy selling slightly used car stereos out of a trunk.  Or a loose cigarette on the corner.  Or a baggie filled with white powder that you're about to cook and shoot into your veins.  People buying items on the street, especially at a discounted price, are not usually in the FBG annual salary range.

You have to highlight the multi quote whether you are on a phone or a PC, wait for "quote selection" to pop up and then you click it.

Now that I helped you guys out could you spare a little gas? I'm gonna huff it, oh yeah!

 

[Dezbelief]

Anybody else getting the feeling Chaka is worried we're going to ruin his scam?

Beggars have been around since the beginnings of civilization, they will always be around. I rarely give to these people, there are opportunities out there for everyone. I believe in programs that give a hand up not a handout. People giving handouts are scamming themselves. 

 

[Terminalxylem]

I've given a lot to charities in my lifetime.  I can't help everyone.  And I'm totally OK with that.

This guy gets it. You only have so much time and money. If you carefully select effective causes/charities, you’ll help a lot more people than donating to random beggars. While I think collectively we should try to curb our cynicism regarding the homeless, enabling their drug or alcohol addiction isn’t helping anyone. 

 

[Terminalxylem]

We give to charitable orgs that originate in our town only. I tell my wife to not interact with anyone who tries to approach you as they can be violent and desperate. She always argues until I say what would your Kids say to you if you were stabbed by a homeless person. It has happened. I have seen it. It cured me of all my impulses to interact with strangers who seem to not pass the smell test. I tell them to seek out a shelter who will help them get back on their feet. I figure I'm doing what I can donating to the greater good instead of chancing being shanked and then doing no one any good bleeding out.  

Tell us more about the stabbing you witnessed.

 

[ChainsawU]

I feel like what's being missed here (in this discussion in general) is that a large percentage of these people are mentally ill.

Boom. This is true - and a way better point to mention & consider before focusing on how "many studies show that the majority of people who are homeless are drug/alcohol addicts." Super logical to acknowledge/treat the root of the deeper issues instead of focusing on "symptoms," so to speak.

 

[ChainsawU]

I'm also leaning toward avoiding referring to anyone as "these people," which has already been done over 10 times in here so far! These people. Those people. Who are you talking about. People who happen to be homeless? People you see begging for money? Legit scammers? It's human nature, as we all need categories to make it easier for our brains to be able to compartmentalize and wrap our minds around things, but grouping people into large, arbitrary masses with an attached negative stigma - that has never been successful, and probably more harmful than good. You might not have even meant to say that, and it's just a lean for me, but leaning into that mindset is something to think about..

 

[Terminalxylem]

Boom. This is true - and a way better point to mention & consider before focusing on how "many studies show that the majority of people who are homeless are drug/alcohol addicts." Super logical to acknowledge/treat the root of the deeper issues instead of focusing on "symptoms," so to speak.

Addiction is a mental illness, too. And providing cash to promote it isn't focussing on the deeper issues, including comorbid schizophrenia, bipolar, personality disorders, etc.

 

[Cold Dead Hands]

Are we taking everything literal now?  That's my bad.  I'll refrain from hyperbole thenceforth. 

Not sure this is hyperbole. Scams are as old as language. How many hours are in 10 to 100k years?

 

[Tom Skerritt]

For various reasons, I am unable to park my car in my garage. I just park in the driveway. One night during a thunderstorm, we were expected to get some serious hail. Before the storm hit, I drove to a nearby carwash, and I sat under the covered carwash lane to wait out the storm. Now mind you, it is 11:30pm, it is dark, and it is thunderstorming outside.

As I'm sitting in my car, I hear a voice outside say "Hello?!" I'm startled at first, because whoTF is yelling outside my car. I thought it was either the police or the carwash manager. It turned out to be a very strange fellow asking me for money to buy gas. Couldn't believe this was happening at that moment.

 

[Dezbelief]

One of today's newlines

Billionaire Marc Benioff donates $30 million to research homelessness

 

[Dezbelief]

I'm also leaning toward avoiding referring to anyone as "these people," which has already been done over 10 times in here so far! These people. Those people. Who are you talking about

Beggars have been around since the beginnings of civilization, they will always be around. I rarely give to these people

 

[parasaurolophus]

If people stopped giving to people panhandling and instead gave the money to a legit organization it would do far more good. 

Instead of advocating for giving to "these people" advocate for legit charities. This would eliminate the market that is being exploited which funnels money away from those that truly need it. It would also save city resources that of course have to manage hundreds or thousands of street corners and exit ramps all across the country

Giving somebody on a street corner 3 bucks doesnt actually do any good. Lets say you actually are giving to a legit homeless person that isnt going to buy drugs or booze and hasnt pegged the best street cirners to make 200 bucks a day tax free. You arent saving them. They wont die of hunger. You are basically giving them a mountain dew and a bag of chips instead of them having a bowl of soup and a glass of water from a shelter. 

Thats actually coming from reading some articles that have actual interviews with legit homeless sign holders. They admit they take the money and go spend it at a gas station buying soda, snacks, and cigarettes. 

So basically giving them some loose coins or a few bucks helps local convenience stores and big tobacco and junk food producers. Good job chaka. I knew you werent serious about that healthy diet stuff. 

If it is simply an issue of avoiding conflict and you just cant say no(which is what i think is the main reason people give in these scenarios), then carry some gift cards to a whole foods(no cigarettes) or carry some bus or subway passes. If you really want to make sure they get healthy and well fed, start giving out handfuls of almonds. 

Etar not of. 

 

[TheIronSheik]

I find it odd that people are judging others for not giving to panhandlers.  Like, super odd.

 

[Terminalxylem]

If people stopped giving to people panhandling and instead gave the money to a legit organization it would do far more good. 

Instead of advocating for giving to "these people" advocate for legit charities. This would eliminate the market that is being exploited which funnels money away from those that truly need it. It would also save city resources that of course have to manage hundreds of thousands of street corners and exit ramps all across the country

Giving somebody on a street corner 3 bucks doesnt actually do any good. Lets say you actually are giving to a legit homeless person that isnt going to buy drugs or booze and hasnt pegged the best street cirners to make 200 bucks a day tax free. You arent saving them. They wont die of hunger. You are basically giving them a mountain dew and a bag of chips instead of them having a bowl of soup and a glass of water from a shelter. 

Thats actually coming from reading some articles that have actual interviews with legit homeless sign holders. They admit they take the money and go spend it at a gas station buying soda, snacks, and cigarettes. 

So basically giving them some loose coins or a few bucks helps local convenience stores and big tobacco and junk food producers. Good job chaka. I knew you werent serious about that healthy diet stuff. 

If it is simply an issue of avoiding conflict and you just cant say no(which is what i think is the main reason people give in these scenarios), then carry some gift cards to a whole foods(no cigarettes) or carry some bus or subway passes. If you really want to make sure they get healthy and well fed, start giving out handfuls of almonds. 

 While some of the giving is truly empathetic, I'd bet an equal or greater amount is driven by guilt/inability to say no.

 

[Terminalxylem]

I find it odd that people are judging others for not giving to panhandlers.  Like, super odd.

Or equating sub-maximal effort at work to begging/potentially scamming a stranger.

 

[parasaurolophus]

 While some of the giving is truly empathetic, I'd bet an equal or greater amount is driven by guilt/inability to say no.

Which is of course why so many people that give them a few bucks are annoyed that they did it. 

 

[Buddy Ball 2K3]

I was filling up at Kwik Trip on the way home today. As I’m standing there, a 20-something guy comes over holding a 5 gallon gas can in one hand, and a toddler in the other.

He says “Would you be kind enough to spare some gas so we can get home?”

Me: “No.”

Is this some sort of scam I’ve never heard of or am I just a complete #####?

In the Philly area this seems to happen to me at least once a month. The first time I fell for it because it was a younger woman who had a kid with her at wawa and I am a sucker. I then saw her at a different Wawa a couple days later doing the same thing. 

 

[SWC]

Are we taking everything literal now?  That's my bad.  I'll refrain from hyperbole thenceforth. 

Not sure this is hyperbole. Scams are as old as language. How many hours are in 10 to 100k years?

yeah see what i was trying to do is show how many hours per year were worked at microsoft to say jeez that is a lot of hours and then to say hey isnt it a sad commentary that more hours are spent trying to scam people each year but i did not do a good job of that and for that i apologize to the entire forum and even to forums that i do not know about take that to the bank bromigos 

 

[tonydead]

In Mercedes? And they're not living in it?

Okay.

Car type is irrelevant, the point is they are not homeless nor in need of help.  The typical slogan on their cardboard sign is a lie, they are exploiting your compassion.  

 

[BoltNlava]

Tell us more about the stabbing you witnessed.

Mission Beach in the early 90's . Bum went crazy when approached by a passerby and stabbed him in the leg. I had lived in Mission for 22 years at that point and seen many homeless lose it on people.

 

[Northern Voice]

Which is of course why so many people that give them a few bucks are annoyed that they did it. 

I think there's a lot of people that have a couple bucks to spare, give it because they can and feel fine about it/don't care what the money is used for and also give to charities to help with the broader issues. It doesn't have to be either/or.

 

[Northern Voice]

I find it odd that people are judging others for not giving to panhandlers.  Like, super odd.

I guess I'm used to the old FBG days where everyone made seven figures and had the means to help fellow humans in need at both the street level and through charity. 

The new FBG seems to be a group of people thinking everyone is out to get them and being afraid of shanked by "those people".

 

[Northern Voice]

I wonder if the gas station thing specifically is a reaction to society becoming more and more cashless. No one ever actually has spare change but they've already put their debit/credit card into the pump. 

 

[Chaka]

Car type is irrelevant, the point is they are not homeless nor in need of help.  The typical slogan on their cardboard sign is a lie, they are exploiting your compassion.  

Living in your car qualifies as being homeless.

Again, I am honestly not trying to say that there are zero bad actors out there (sorry if the Unicorn comment was too extreme) but trying to paint those bad actors as the norm is simply wrong.  

 

[tonydead]

Living in your car qualifies as being homeless.

Again, I am honestly not trying to say that there are zero bad actors out there (sorry if the Unicorn comment was too extreme) but trying to paint those bad actors as the norm is simply wrong.  

Earlier I, trying to be honest with myself, figured and posted that at least half those actors as being scammers.  50-50 coin flip qualifies as the norm. That's based on a decade and a half of direct observation across three different states.  What you got?

 

[parasaurolophus]

Living in your car qualifies as being homeless.

Again, I am honestly not trying to say that there are zero bad actors out there (sorry if the Unicorn comment was too extreme) but trying to paint those bad actors as the norm is simply wrong.  

I also think we would need to differentiate between what is a bad actor and what isnt. 

Most of the people with a sign on a street corner are probably homeless. 

Most of the "distressed stranger" people are probably lying to you. 

 

[matuski]

Do you feel any sense of responsibility if you felt being very generous to the guy who asked you for a few bucks and you gave him $50 only to find the next day he overdosed on heroin with the money you gave him?

 

[jhib]

Earlier I, trying to be honest with myself, figured and posted that at least half those actors as being scammers.  50-50 coin flip qualifies as the norm. That's based on a decade and a half of direct observation across three different states.  What you got?

I think some of the different attitudes may also be from where we are and our daily experiences.

Someone in a big city most likely sees many more people in actual need than scammers.  In my small city, the overall numbers are much lower and the proportion that are scammers are most likely much higher.

When you regularly see people on city sidewalks, crouched under a dingy blanket with a little coffee cup for change, I think you have one perspective.

It's hard not to have a different perspective when your regular experience is like mine where the beggars I usually see are the same three people that show up at the same three busy intersections in town at the same times every weekend (as long as it's reasonably nice weather) with their cardboard "homeless and hungry" signs and their really nice backpacks, and they simply rotate positions once in a while or take different shifts.

 

[BobbyLayne]

Seeing a lot of hyperbole in this thread.

NYC homelessness stats (your metro area will differ):

64K in shelters each night, about 23K are children

Estimates on specific factors which tend to chronically homeless:

- battling mental disorders ~ 25%

- drug addictions ~ 33%

- alcoholics ~ 40%

- demographic breakdown: 54% black, 34% Latino, 8% white, 4% Asian/other

Cannot fathom a scenario where panhandling is sustainable. Must be different in other parts of the country. I talk to street people every day, and $8 is a typical day in Times Square or Union Square. Most who want more money figure out another hustle. Day laborers get $60-100, or they find short term gigs for $15-18 per hour. I *think* living wage here is $15.

The difficulty for many is finding stable employment while homeless. It’s a long road back to normalcy.

 

[Johnny Rock]

I talk to street people every day, and $8 is a typical day in Times Square or Union Square. 

I would think $8 PER HOUR would be low for NYC. $8 PER DAY seems preposterous.  

 

[Warrior]

Luckily I can afford to spare $5 in gas for a fellow scammer.

fixed.

 

[BobbyLayne]

I would think $8 PER HOUR would be low for NYC. $8 PER DAY seems preposterous.  

Give it a shot & report back?