Clown Car
Footballguy
But wait, what are his reasons?
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A note to my coworker ... (4 Viewers)
- Thread starter Nigel Tufnel
- Start date
belljr
Footballguy
LOL - I get phone calls all the time. Hello belljr - "I need to retrieve my voicemails, something is wrong." me: "Um, I can't help you, I don't do that"them: I need it done ASAP and was told to call you.me: I don't know who told you to call me, but that's not my areathem: "Is it against policy?"me: I'm in the software development group, I have never in my life dealt with phone supportthem: Why won't you do it for meME: Listen - you need to call the Phone Support Group - I'm not them.them: Then why was I told to call you?me: I have NO idea.them: "Well I really need this done" "Can you help me"ME :
No. I wouldn't even know where to start. I'm a programmer...them : "well, who can help?"ME: 
Deskside Phone Supportthem : Do you have the number?me: No - it's in the directory.Turns out I'm ebelljr and Phone Support Guy is dbelljr. At least it makes "some sense now"
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Nigel Tufnel
Footballguy
I can't believe you stole gum from me while I was out of town. I should ####### kill you.
Print Is Dead
Footballguy
Mrs. BSR
Footballguy
Captain Quinoa
Footballguy
Outstanding use of the Out of Office Auto Reply:
Code:
I will be out of the office Friday 06/27/08 through Monday 05/26/08. I will return on Monday 07/30/08.Nigel Tufnel
Footballguy
Outstanding use of the Out of Office Auto Reply:
Code:I will be out of the office Friday 06/27/08 through Monday 05/26/08. I will return on Monday 07/30/08.
St. Louis Bob
Footballguy
Outstanding use of the Out of Office Auto Reply:
Code:I will be out of the office Friday 06/27/08 through Monday 05/26/08. I will return on Monday 07/30/08.
Something I would do.
Binky The Doormat
Footballguy
Dear cubical auditor guy
If you don't finally swallow that loogie for good or simply hoark it up and out of your system - I am going to walk over to your temporary workspace cubical thingy area and full-force vomit directly into your face. Listening to you snort that freakin' goo into the back of your throat and then hearing nothing ...I can only assume that you like the taste and enjoy recycling your delicious treat ...over and over and over.
You are incredibly grotesque.
Bink
If you don't finally swallow that loogie for good or simply hoark it up and out of your system - I am going to walk over to your temporary workspace cubical thingy area and full-force vomit directly into your face. Listening to you snort that freakin' goo into the back of your throat and then hearing nothing ...I can only assume that you like the taste and enjoy recycling your delicious treat ...over and over and over.
You are incredibly grotesque.
Bink
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Jayrod
Footballguy
Outstanding use of the Out of Office Auto Reply:
Code:I will be out of the office Friday 06/27/08 through Monday 05/26/08. I will return on Monday 07/30/08.
That's awesome.
wadegarrett
FFA Legend™
Night out w/ clients at black tie function: check.
Hair down: check.
Manicure & pedicure: check.
Not being extremely annnoying like you are in the office: check.
Nice black dress: check.
V-cut black dress that exposes the zits on your chest: check.
:X
Hair down: check.
Manicure & pedicure: check.
Not being extremely annnoying like you are in the office: check.
Nice black dress: check.
V-cut black dress that exposes the zits on your chest: check.
:X
joffer
Footballguy
Outstanding use of the Out of Office Auto Reply:
I will be out of the office Friday 06/27/08 through Monday 05/26/08. I will return on Monday 07/30/08.
my usual oops with the OOO reply is to keep adding "thanks" at the bottom of it because i don't scroll down and see that there's one already there:
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YSR
Footballguy
Dear Flaky IT/Help Desk person,
I'm sorry that your husband left you for a 25-year-old Chinese woman. I'm sorry that you are now living with that heartache in a 1-bedroom apartment and you now have an hour-long commute in Atlanta. We've all surrounded you like family, and been very patient.
I've put up with your inability to help my customers when they call for technical help and I've put up with the frustrations I have with my lack of confidence that you will be able to help anyone.
But - WHOOPSIE! - you deleted all of my ##### emails today when you upgraded my Outlook and did not back up the .PST file. Every single one of the emails is not only gone from my Outlook, but is also gone from our server. No looking back.
You're an idiot.
YIC,
YSR
/
mr. furley
Footballguy
This probably shouldn't bother me as much as it does but... that's life in an office.
Lady,
You can't possibly have this many doctor/dentist/chiropractor/shrink/blood donation/contractor appointments. Seriously. I'm really tempted to keep track. In the past month alone you have had more appointments than i have had in my entire lifetime.
It's not just the appointments, it's the fact that you CANCEL and/or RESCHEDULE those appointments EVERY SINGLE ####ING DAY.
We're talking 2-3 appointments per day. I'm shocked that you can keep track of which appointments to cancel and when to re-schedule them. Perhaps that's the problem. You need a date book or a lackey.
I'm going to unplug your ####ing phone and/or smash it in to a thousand pieces.
Lady,
You can't possibly have this many doctor/dentist/chiropractor/shrink/blood donation/contractor appointments. Seriously. I'm really tempted to keep track. In the past month alone you have had more appointments than i have had in my entire lifetime.
It's not just the appointments, it's the fact that you CANCEL and/or RESCHEDULE those appointments EVERY SINGLE ####ING DAY.
We're talking 2-3 appointments per day. I'm shocked that you can keep track of which appointments to cancel and when to re-schedule them. Perhaps that's the problem. You need a date book or a lackey.
I'm going to unplug your ####ing phone and/or smash it in to a thousand pieces.
mr. furley
Footballguy
JUST BECAUSE YOUR BOSS IS OUT DOES NOT MEAN YOU GET TO SPEND YOUR ENTIRE DAY WEEK TALKING TO EACH OTHER :deadbanana:
####
this might be my last day on planet earth
####
this might be my last day on planet earth
TommyGilmore
Footballguy
Potential Customer: I want to buy your product, but I'm a little concerned because your competitor calls me twice a week and you don't.
What am I supposed to say to that? "Do you prefer to be harassed by people trying to sell you something that you don't want?"
What am I supposed to say to that? "Do you prefer to be harassed by people trying to sell you something that you don't want?"
Cunk
Footballguy
Dear Kate,
I wish I lived on the world you do. Where everything anyone ever says is hilarious. Except I wouldn't want that idiotic cackle of a laugh that can be hear from miles.
Dear Matty,
Do you remember last week when I told you our second microphone wasn't working when you asked? Well that answer should have allowed you to make the decision not to email me asking me if the second microphone is working yesterday. I pretty much already answered that.
Dear Walter,
You were a good boss but now that you're not my boss anymore please stop calling me with editing, dvd burning, hard drive and computer questions. See what I've been doing for you all the years? Not so easy is it? You want my expertise, you've got to come up with the $$$ now bud.
Dear Ally,
When I corrected you about which memory should go in what computer and you gave me the defensive "I was just going by your email". I accepted it even though you made me feel my "wrongness" a couple of more times. I went back to the email I sent you. Guess what. I wasn't wrong. You were. Please stop making mountains out of molehills.
Dear Keith,
It would be nice, if you try and be funny, it makes some sort of sense to someone other that you. You're a nice guy but I don't understand any of your attempts at humor. I always find myself laughing and hope you think I understand.
opschampagne: Dana! Thank you for quitting!!!! You were the worst producer/director I have ever worked with! You've got the brain of a pea!
I don't know what's going on in here lately but to the bosses. It seems a requirement that you must be at least a large C cup to work here now.
I wish I lived on the world you do. Where everything anyone ever says is hilarious. Except I wouldn't want that idiotic cackle of a laugh that can be hear from miles.
Dear Matty,
Do you remember last week when I told you our second microphone wasn't working when you asked? Well that answer should have allowed you to make the decision not to email me asking me if the second microphone is working yesterday. I pretty much already answered that.
Dear Walter,
You were a good boss but now that you're not my boss anymore please stop calling me with editing, dvd burning, hard drive and computer questions. See what I've been doing for you all the years? Not so easy is it? You want my expertise, you've got to come up with the $$$ now bud.
Dear Ally,
When I corrected you about which memory should go in what computer and you gave me the defensive "I was just going by your email". I accepted it even though you made me feel my "wrongness" a couple of more times. I went back to the email I sent you. Guess what. I wasn't wrong. You were. Please stop making mountains out of molehills.
Dear Keith,
It would be nice, if you try and be funny, it makes some sort of sense to someone other that you. You're a nice guy but I don't understand any of your attempts at humor. I always find myself laughing and hope you think I understand.
opschampagne: Dana! Thank you for quitting!!!! You were the worst producer/director I have ever worked with! You've got the brain of a pea!I don't know what's going on in here lately but
to the bosses. It seems a requirement that you must be at least a large C cup to work here now.
bakes
I am the Beer God!
Outstanding use of the Out of Office Auto Reply:
Code:I will be out of the office Friday 06/27/08 through Monday 05/26/08. I will return on Monday 07/30/08.
On a related note
ear Denseness:I just received your email out of office auto-reply. I'm happy that you will be out next week on vacation. Apparently you're so excited about it that you checked the "Reply to All" button. And so did someone else on their auto-reply, somewhere in the building. So now you two (or the electronic versions thereof) spent the last 5 minutes auto-replying to each other, filling up the office email server with vacation notices and crashing the system.Fine job, Gunther.
St. Louis Bob
Footballguy
Why do you have him call you twice a week? How many times a week would you like me to call you?
Print Is Dead
Footballguy
Is 4:30 the day before a 3 day weekend really the best time to schedule a conference call?
perry147
Footballguy
No - 5:15 is.Had one of those once before xmas holidays at an old job.
Print Is Dead
Footballguy
this guy is notorious for scheduling calls like this. he's also notorious for not being able to end them. i'm expecting to be on the phone until 7 or so and i'm pissed.
Psychopav
Help us, Joebi-Wan Brynobi, you're our only ho
Just tell them you have a "hard stop" at 5:00.Then at 5:00, make your apologies and hang up.What's the problem?
Print Is Dead
Footballguy
There's this thing called a hierarchy. Maybe you've heard of it. This guy's a VP. I'm not.
badmojo1006
Footballguy
Outstanding use of the Out of Office Auto Reply:
Code:I will be out of the office Friday 06/27/08 through Monday 05/26/08. I will return on Monday 07/30/08.
I did that once. Actually my boss and I did that and we were both gone for a week. The IT department had to shut down the mail server. It seems I had generated 8,000 emails in two days and she had generated 11,000 in two daysNever do that again
zander_s
Footballguy
Ahhhh users!!! Stuff like this keeps me in business!!Outstanding use of the Out of Office Auto Reply:
Code:I will be out of the office Friday 06/27/08 through Monday 05/26/08. I will return on Monday 07/30/08.
I did that once. Actually my boss and I did that and we were both gone for a week. The IT department had to shut down the mail server. It seems I had generated 8,000 emails in two days and she had generated 11,000 in two daysNever do that again
Psychopav
Help us, Joebi-Wan Brynobi, you're our only ho
Hm...ok. But you report to him or to someone who reports to him, right? And you are valued for what you do, right? So you are giving this feedback all along, right? Or are you maybe just a little bit to blame because nobody has given the "notorious" VP the feedback on this? There's hierarchy and then there's hierarchy. Having a VP after your name doesn't make you a better person, or your personal life more important than the rest of the people you work with. If he doesn't see that, you're doing both of you a favor by taking steps to respectfully get that message to him somehow.Just my 2 cents.
FatMax
Member
I'm expecting one of these any minute now. Seriously.Regarding the same job I'm working on ...R,You sold this job, or are trying to sell this job, and are pretty busy. I get that. But to schedule appointments all day the last two days, then call me to ask if I will take care of your customer is a pretty ####ty thing to do. I really don't have time to do all of your work, plus all of mine while you collect a 15% on a 260k order. But please, don't let that stop you. ########.F
SKribbles
Footballguy
Ahhhh users!!! Stuff like this keeps me in business!!Outstanding use of the Out of Office Auto Reply:
Code:I will be out of the office Friday 06/27/08 through Monday 05/26/08. I will return on Monday 07/30/08.
bakes
I am the Beer God!
Dear Retirement Age Guy:
Combining Don Johnson's Miami Vice wardrobe, in summer friendly colors like grey and black, with that pitiful excuse of a goatee that looks like 50 pinworms growing out of your chin is not going to score you points with the ladies. Well, OK, except for your hideously overly-made-up assistant. There may be an attractive woman under there, but it'll take a cold chisel and a jackhammer to find her.
OKthxbye.
Dear Retirement Age Guy's Secretary:
You were behind me in the parking garage today. Driving two inches off my bumper is not going to get you into a parking spot any faster. Putting your blinker on isn't going to reserve you the spot I was pulling into either.
p.s. Please grow a face.
OKthxbye.
Combining Don Johnson's Miami Vice wardrobe, in summer friendly colors like grey and black, with that pitiful excuse of a goatee that looks like 50 pinworms growing out of your chin is not going to score you points with the ladies. Well, OK, except for your hideously overly-made-up assistant. There may be an attractive woman under there, but it'll take a cold chisel and a jackhammer to find her.
OKthxbye.
Dear Retirement Age Guy's Secretary:
You were behind me in the parking garage today. Driving two inches off my bumper is not going to get you into a parking spot any faster. Putting your blinker on isn't going to reserve you the spot I was pulling into either.
p.s. Please grow a face.
OKthxbye.
Wild Young Billy
A Crazy Cat
Dear lazy Co-worker,
You've known that we are moving our office for weeks now. Yes, we had some construction delays and the date got moved to the Monday you get back from vacation. :whine:
Do you think that sometime in the past 3 weeks you could have packed ONE FREAKIN' BOX before you left? The movers will only be here for 4 hours on Monday. Knowing what time you normally get to work, you'll arrive with one hour left before they they leave. That's a big ### desk that I won't be helping you move.
Good luck, hope you get a hernia.
You've known that we are moving our office for weeks now. Yes, we had some construction delays and the date got moved to the Monday you get back from vacation. :whine:
Do you think that sometime in the past 3 weeks you could have packed ONE FREAKIN' BOX before you left? The movers will only be here for 4 hours on Monday. Knowing what time you normally get to work, you'll arrive with one hour left before they they leave. That's a big ### desk that I won't be helping you move.
Good luck, hope you get a hernia.
Nigel Tufnel
Footballguy
TheAristocrat
Footballguy
Ahhhh users!!! Stuff like this keeps me in business!!Outstanding use of the Out of Office Auto Reply:
Code:I will be out of the office Friday 06/27/08 through Monday 05/26/08. I will return on Monday 07/30/08.
TheAristocrat
Footballguy
Jobber
Footballguy
Dear Annoying Female Who Sits Near Me,
Though I'm sure your goofy looking fiance appreciates your well manicured fingernails, it's horribly annoying and disgusting that you feel the need to trim them at work. Especially at lunchtime. If I ever find a nail in or near my cubicle, I'm going to dip my c*** in your mug of iced tea the next time you're in the restroom.
Regards,
Jobber
Though I'm sure your goofy looking fiance appreciates your well manicured fingernails, it's horribly annoying and disgusting that you feel the need to trim them at work. Especially at lunchtime. If I ever find a nail in or near my cubicle, I'm going to dip my c*** in your mug of iced tea the next time you're in the restroom.
Regards,
Jobber
bakes
I am the Beer God!
I'm serious. The woman looks like the CPU core in the movie TRON. Tiny eyes, tiny nose, tiny mouth, huge head, no damned face.My wife served on a committee with her at work, and complained about how this woman knew absolutely nothing but would insist on trying to make every decision. I asked her who it was and she named her, I said "Who?" and she replied "You know - the woman who has no face" and I knew EXACTLY who she meant.So weird.
bakes
I am the Beer God!
Remove the labels from the three-hole punch. Put them on the copy machine or other very large immoble object.
Nigel Tufnel
Footballguy
I think we need to see pics.I'm serious. The woman looks like the CPU core in the movie TRON. Tiny eyes, tiny nose, tiny mouth, huge head, no damned face.My wife served on a committee with her at work, and complained about how this woman knew absolutely nothing but would insist on trying to make every decision. I asked her who it was and she named her, I said "Who?" and she replied "You know - the woman who has no face" and I knew EXACTLY who she meant.
TheAristocrat
Footballguy
Either that or put it on this person's monitor.Remove the labels from the three-hole punch. Put them on the copy machine or other very large immoble object.
Wild Young Billy
A Crazy Cat
I concur with NT.I think we need to see pics.I'm serious. The woman looks like the CPU core in the movie TRON. Tiny eyes, tiny nose, tiny mouth, huge head, no damned face.My wife served on a committee with her at work, and complained about how this woman knew absolutely nothing but would insist on trying to make every decision. I asked her who it was and she named her, I said "Who?" and she replied "You know - the woman who has no face" and I knew EXACTLY who she meant.So weird.
Nigel Tufnel
Footballguy
I concur with NT.I think we need to see pics.I'm serious. The woman looks like the CPU core in the movie TRON. Tiny eyes, tiny nose, tiny mouth, huge head, no damned face.My wife served on a committee with her at work, and complained about how this woman knew absolutely nothing but would insist on trying to make every decision. I asked her who it was and she named her, I said "Who?" and she replied "You know - the woman who has no face" and I knew EXACTLY who she meant.
I've never seen a woman with no face. I think I'd like to.
bakes
I am the Beer God!
Did a web search and a search of the internal site. No pics.I think we need to see pics.I'm serious. The woman looks like the CPU core in the movie TRON. Tiny eyes, tiny nose, tiny mouth, huge head, no damned face.My wife served on a committee with her at work, and complained about how this woman knew absolutely nothing but would insist on trying to make every decision. I asked her who it was and she named her, I said "Who?" and she replied "You know - the woman who has no face" and I knew EXACTLY who she meant.
TheAristocrat
Footballguy
Cell phone pic down?Did a web search and a search of the internal site. No pics.I think we need to see pics.I'm serious. The woman looks like the CPU core in the movie TRON. Tiny eyes, tiny nose, tiny mouth, huge head, no damned face.My wife served on a committee with her at work, and complained about how this woman knew absolutely nothing but would insist on trying to make every decision. I asked her who it was and she named her, I said "Who?" and she replied "You know - the woman who has no face" and I knew EXACTLY who she meant.
bakes
I am the Beer God!
Old school cell phone. It answers calls and that's about it.Cell phone pic down?Did a web search and a search of the internal site. No pics.I think we need to see pics.I'm serious. The woman looks like the CPU core in the movie TRON. Tiny eyes, tiny nose, tiny mouth, huge head, no damned face.My wife served on a committee with her at work, and complained about how this woman knew absolutely nothing but would insist on trying to make every decision. I asked her who it was and she named her, I said "Who?" and she replied "You know - the woman who has no face" and I knew EXACTLY who she meant.
Her face (or lack of same) pops up on the internal web site from time to time. When it does I'll throw up, err, throw it up here.
TheAristocrat
Footballguy
Old school cell phone. It answers calls and that's about it.Cell phone pic down?Did a web search and a search of the internal site. No pics.I think we need to see pics.I'm serious. The woman looks like the CPU core in the movie TRON. Tiny eyes, tiny nose, tiny mouth, huge head, no damned face.My wife served on a committee with her at work, and complained about how this woman knew absolutely nothing but would insist on trying to make every decision. I asked her who it was and she named her, I said "Who?" and she replied "You know - the woman who has no face" and I knew EXACTLY who she meant.
shuke
Black Ice Skeptic
bakes
I am the Beer God!
Then hang a dead camera from the corner of her office.Either that or put it on this person's monitor.Remove the labels from the three-hole punch. Put them on the copy machine or other very large immoble object.
TheAristocrat
Footballguy
LOL!Email rec'd five minutes ago (sent to everyone in the office):
"We are missing our new 3-hole punch (it punches the larger holes) from the main file room. It is suppose to stay in the main file room so that everyone has access to it. When someone takes it from there, someone else can't use it. Please return the three hold puncher so that others can get their work done."
I put it in her bottom desk drawer. This should be good.
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bakes
I am the Beer God!
LOL!Email rec'd five minutes ago (sent to everyone in the office):
"We are missing our new 3-hole punch (it punches the larger holes) from the main file room. It is suppose to stay in the main file room so that everyone has access to it. When someone takes it from there, someone else can't use it. Please return the three hold puncher so that others can get their work done."
I put it in her bottom desk drawer. This should be good.
Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!
Irregardless
Footballguy
:sharkmove:LOL!Email rec'd five minutes ago (sent to everyone in the office):
"We are missing our new 3-hole punch (it punches the larger holes) from the main file room. It is suppose to stay in the main file room so that everyone has access to it. When someone takes it from there, someone else can't use it. Please return the three hold puncher so that others can get their work done."
I put it in her bottom desk drawer. This should be good.
