mr roboto
Footballguy
test
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And people in my office wonder why they're fat (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter Evilgrin 72
- Start date
![[icon]](/data/avatars/m/5/5167.jpg?1660313464){kind=avatar}
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Insoxicated
You're like the MC Escher of passive aggressive office management. I think I love you.
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Insoxicated
OMG
Evilgrin 72
Distributor of Pain
So today, they decide to do a celebration for all of the May birthdays. I walk in this morning and there's a cake the size of the box a 55" TV would come in set up on a fold-out table in the middle of the office. I can't imagine how much it must have cost, the thing is literally 5' long by 2' wide and a few inches thick. People are already swarming around it like buzzards at 8:45 AM. Breakfast, the most important meal of the day !
But the kicker is this : about 20 minutes ago, I look and 3 of the most notorious fatties in my office are over there "cleaning up." I'm wondering why they're breaking down the celebration table hours before the office closes, and before the second shift even arrives. So, I ask. They tell me the cake was gone, so they thought they'd take care of the clean-up. I thank them for their diligence, knowing all along that they're full of crap, and proceed directly around the corner to Twin Cities' office. Sure enough, a brief peek around her desk shows me about a 12" x 9" square of cake slices on 2 paper plates stashed behind her desk. I'm 100% certain that Thing 1 and Thing 2 cleaning with her out there have the same.
So..... I took it. Moved it into the conference room and put it on to one of the display shelves where we display some of our products for prospective clients. I can see the conference room door from my office, that's why I chose it. She still hasn't been back to her office. I can't wait to see what ensues when she realizes someone has nicked her midnight snack. She can't come to me about it without admitting she lied about there being no cake left and if she goes hunting for it and locates it, I can see her exit the conference room with it and have the option of "running into her" in the hallway as she attempts to sneak it back to her office.
But the kicker is this : about 20 minutes ago, I look and 3 of the most notorious fatties in my office are over there "cleaning up." I'm wondering why they're breaking down the celebration table hours before the office closes, and before the second shift even arrives. So, I ask. They tell me the cake was gone, so they thought they'd take care of the clean-up. I thank them for their diligence, knowing all along that they're full of crap, and proceed directly around the corner to Twin Cities' office. Sure enough, a brief peek around her desk shows me about a 12" x 9" square of cake slices on 2 paper plates stashed behind her desk. I'm 100% certain that Thing 1 and Thing 2 cleaning with her out there have the same.
So..... I took it. Moved it into the conference room and put it on to one of the display shelves where we display some of our products for prospective clients. I can see the conference room door from my office, that's why I chose it. She still hasn't been back to her office. I can't wait to see what ensues when she realizes someone has nicked her midnight snack. She can't come to me about it without admitting she lied about there being no cake left and if she goes hunting for it and locates it, I can see her exit the conference room with it and have the option of "running into her" in the hallway as she attempts to sneak it back to her office.
Ned
Footballguy
Evilgrin 72
Distributor of Pain
avoiding injuries
Footballguy
Do you care that she may know you took it?
Evilgrin 72
Distributor of Pain
When I first got on AOL around '97 or so, I tried to sign up with the username Evil Genius. It was taken. So, I switched to Evil Grin. That was taken too. It recommended Evilgrin72 for me as an unused name, so I just took that. For the first 5-10 years that I was on the internet, I used that as my sign up username for basically everything, just so I wouldn't have to remember what my name was on different sites that I visited infrequently. I thought FBG Forums would be one of those, so I didn't bother to come up with a cool name, just used my standard so I'd remember it the 2-3 times per football season that I logged in. If only I'd known..............
Evilgrin 72
Distributor of Pain
No. What can she possibly do about it if she does? Run around the office whispering to people that I stole/hid her cake? Confront me when she knows I can simply deny it and say : "What are you talking about? You just told me there WAS no cake left..."?
Henry Ford
Footballguy
Half of footballguys is now searching your internet footprint for weird profiles. Congratulations.
Evilgrin 72
Distributor of Pain
OK. Feel free to enjoy my joke review of "Spring Break" on Amazon.com from 15 years ago or perhaps my post asking about the price of an outside stateroom on Adventure of the Seas from 8 years ago. There's nothing "cool" out there to find. 99.9999% of what would be considered remotely interesting or entertaining on the internet under that username is right here on this board.
Henry Ford
Footballguy
The Z Machine
Footballguy
The other day I was thinking that there were no fat people (out of like 50) in my company. Some maybe 10-15 lbs overweight, but no obese people, even those that aren't active at all.
I work for a sporting goods company where most are under 40 and that's probably the two reasons behind this. There's probably also some selection bias going on as well.
I work for a sporting goods company where most are under 40 and that's probably the two reasons behind this. There's probably also some selection bias going on as well.
Evilgrin 72
Distributor of Pain
Evilgrin 72
Distributor of Pain
I just walked by her office on the way to the bathroom and she appears to be packing up and leaving for the day (an hour early, for about the 4th time this week.) She must have given up on the cake already. Or she hasn't realized it's gone yet, though that is far more unlikely.
Al Czervik
Not wearing pants
After she leaves, you should move the cake back into her office right in the middle of her desk for all to see.
Evilgrin 72
Distributor of Pain
She locks her door when she's not there. She's the head of HR, lots of sensitive info in those files. I'll probably just pass it out to people. It doesn't even look good enough for me to crush it.
belljr
Footballguy
Frostillicus
Footballguy
I WANT SOMETHING TO HAPPEN
Evilgrin 72
Distributor of Pain
Nothin' doing, regrettably. She just left. I went back to the conference room, cake was still there, so I threw it out. I was going to give it out to people, but if word got back to lardass that I was running around passing out cake at 4:30, then she WOULD know for sure that I was f'n with her.
Evilgrin 72
Distributor of Pain
Sorry, I can only set the trap, it takes someone to spring it.
Zow
Footballguy
But didn't you say second shift was coming in?
Not only doing they work Friday nights, but they continue to be deprived of cake.
MikeIke
Footballguy
That's the mantra of every hunter who's ever hunted. Good try, GB, but sometimes they just get away. So is the nature of the hunt.Sorry, I can only set the trap, it takes someone to spring it.
Deepster
Footballguy
I used to say the same thing....until I went out with a girl who did internet investigation for a PI and was trained in how the Google algorithms search information.
We should have a contest to see who can come up with the best site to join for him.
msudaisy26
Footballguy
I am pretty sure that if you goggle "How to give someone diabetes" this recipe will come up
the moops
Footballguy
moops is moving to st Paul. I think I gotta be the right cheek. dufresne is in some stupid suburb. no way he can be the other cheek.
SIDA!
Footballguy
Amen.That's the mantra of every hunter who's ever hunted. Good try, GB, but sometimes they just get away. So is the nature of the hunt.Sorry, I can only set the trap, it takes someone to spring it.
Evilgrin 72
Distributor of Pain
I don't on its face. But at least let everyone have some rather than stealing 10 pieces to bring home and then lying about it. Literally the entire second shift could have had a small piece each from what these three women (I'm assuming) jacked. And it's not like any of them are trying to feed their families with it, they all make north of 50k annually. Buy a frigging cake on the way home if you need more that badly.
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the moops
Footballguy
have you read the michael sam thread?
Chaka
Footballguy
So you support the equal redistribution of cake over letting the cake market decide?
Chaka
Footballguy
Evilgrin 72
Distributor of Pain
If they'd done this after everyone had a chance to get some, I wouldn't have cared. They didn't let the market decide. A lot of these second shifters are low wage employees, it makes their day to get a free pizza or a piece of cake. To take that away from them so you can stuff your fat ### all night is highly insensitive at best.
mr roboto
Footballguy
Communist.
Chaka
Footballguy
That sounds like cake commie talk. They cornered the cake market and you sound jealous of their initiative. If you were truly a capitalist you would have taken half the cake immediately and sold it to the 2nd shifters.
Evilgrin 72
Distributor of Pain
That sounds like cake commie talk. They cornered the cake market and you sound jealous of their initiative. If you were truly a capitalist you would have taken half the cake immediately and sold it to the 2nd shifters.
The ratio of people to cake was too small....
