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Article - Why We Should Stop Calling Adult Women "Girls"' - Thoughts? (2 Viewers)

The author and anyone else having a problem with this are welcome to get together and come up with an agreed-upon word they can be called that is equivalent to "guys". That's what we're looking for here. It's not the fault of men that "guys" has aged appropriately in recent decades while "gals" hasn't. 

Most women under retirement age would say "he is the best looking guy I ever kissed". And most men would say "she is the best looking girl I ever kissed". #### off to anyone who tries to imply that a 30 year old saying that is a pedophile because he must be talking about someone underage. 

That 30 year old guy would get laughed at by women of all ages if he was talking about kissing "some gal".

 
RUSF18 said:
The author and anyone else having a problem with this are welcome to get together and come up with an agreed-upon word they can be called that is equivalent to "guys". That's what we're looking for here. It's not the fault of men that "guys" has aged appropriately in recent decades while "gals" hasn't. 

Most women under retirement age would say "he is the best looking guy I ever kissed". And most men would say "she is the best looking girl I ever kissed". #### off to anyone who tries to imply that a 30 year old saying that is a pedophile because he must be talking about someone underage. 

That 30 year old guy would get laughed at by women of all ages if he was talking about kissing "some gal".
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This is the problem.  At some point, someone got offended so they started using a different term.  Then others got offended so they started using another different term. Before long, there were 10 different terms and a large group was offended by each of those terms.  The problem isn't the term.  It's the people getting offended.  

We wonder why the suicide rate is so high and the real reason is because we don't let kids fail anymore and we try to fix everything that offends anyone.  Time to start toughening up the skin of the youth.

 
Joe Bryant said:
My question - what is the word women would prefer we use? 
Click to expand...
I'm befuddled by this thread.  I believe you were sincere in this question, but you acknowledged there are virtually no women here, so how did you expect to get a good answer?  Although I know you didn't intend it this way, it could be viewed as more patronizing than the word "girl" to ask a board full of men what women think about an experience that is specifically female.  

As a result, the thread has gone as one would expect.  Are you learning what you'd hoped?  It seems like naturally you're getting a whole lot of male perspective instead.  I assume you know women IRL and do not have a Pencian restriction on interacting with them.  Have you talked with them as well?  There are some excellent posts from people who understand nuance and context, but I don't think you can get the woman's perspective here, even if there were such a thing.

I haven't read the article because I suspect it's the kind of click-bait that would irritate me.  I'm surprised to find that it appears that some people weren't aware this was an issue.  I went to an extremely liberal women's college, so I guess I was exposed to it much earlier than most.  And I've been calling groups of people of whatever gender "guys" since the 90s and didn't know that was considered unusual.   :lol:   

I have female friends who would be all over the spectrum on this question.  For me, it's about context.  The work interaction someone described was a good example of this; in that context I would have had the same reaction that it was being used to demean.  In most situations "girl" at work is going to be inappropriate; we're past the "I'll have my girl call your girl" days.  On the other hand, being greeted in a restaurant or a social situation with "girls" doesn't bother me.  

I generally don't use the term "girls" because I know it does bother some people, and I don't have a goal to offend or more importantly to tell anyone else what they should be offended by.  I'd rather make people comfortable and happy, and this applies in the context of terminology for gay/lesbian, trans, racial minorities, etc.   It's really not as difficult as some people are making it out to be.  Most situations can be addressed with a neutral or with no word at all.

Signed,

Toots

 
krista4 said:
I'm befuddled by this thread.  I believe you were sincere in this question, but you acknowledged there are virtually no women here, so how did you expect to get a good answer?  Although I know you didn't intend it this way, it could be viewed as more patronizing than the word "girl" to ask a board full of men what women think about an experience that is specifically female.  

As a result, the thread has gone as one would expect.  Are you learning what you'd hoped?  It seems like naturally you're getting a whole lot of male perspective instead.  I assume you know women IRL and do not have a Pencian restriction on interacting with them.  Have you talked with them as well?  There are some excellent posts from people who understand nuance and context, but I don't think you can get the woman's perspective here, even if there were such a thing.

I haven't read the article because I suspect it's the kind of click-bait that would irritate me.  I'm surprised to find that it appears that some people weren't aware this was an issue.  I went to an extremely liberal women's college, so I guess I was exposed to it much earlier than most.  And I've been calling groups of people of whatever gender "guys" since the 90s and didn't know that was considered unusual.   :lol:   

I have female friends who would be all over the spectrum on this question.  For me, it's about context.  The work interaction someone described was a good example of this; in that context I would have had the same reaction that it was being used to demean.  In most situations "girl" at work is going to be inappropriate; we're past the "I'll have my girl call your girl" days.  On the other hand, being greeted in a restaurant or a social situation with "girls" doesn't bother me.  

I generally don't use the term "girls" because I know it does bother some people, and I don't have a goal to offend or more importantly to tell anyone else what they should be offended by.  I'd rather make people comfortable and happy, and this applies in the context of terminology for gay/lesbian, trans, racial minorities, etc.   It's really not as difficult as some people are making it out to be.  Most situations can be addressed with a neutral or with no word at all.

Signed,

Toots
Click to expand...
That's nice, babe.  But the men are having a conversation here.

Now, how can we be better in the way we treat women? Do any other guys have any suggestions?  :confused:

 
VandyMan said:
Disagree.

Odd post, considering you were responding to a woman expressing that she'd prefer "ladies".
Click to expand...
I know that.  I was stating "ladies" struck me as a bit off but I would defer to the female collective.  Not sure her view reflects the majority.

 
krista4 said:
I'm befuddled by this thread.  I believe you were sincere in this question, but you acknowledged there are virtually no women here, so how did you expect to get a good answer?  Although I know you didn't intend it this way, it could be viewed as more patronizing than the word "girl" to ask a board full of men what women think about an experience that is specifically female.  

As a result, the thread has gone as one would expect.  Are you learning what you'd hoped?  It seems like naturally you're getting a whole lot of male perspective instead.  I assume you know women IRL and do not have a Pencian restriction on interacting with them.  Have you talked with them as well?  There are some excellent posts from people who understand nuance and context, but I don't think you can get the woman's perspective here, even if there were such a thing.

I haven't read the article because I suspect it's the kind of click-bait that would irritate me.  I'm surprised to find that it appears that some people weren't aware this was an issue.  I went to an extremely liberal women's college, so I guess I was exposed to it much earlier than most.  And I've been calling groups of people of whatever gender "guys" since the 90s and didn't know that was considered unusual.   :lol:   

I have female friends who would be all over the spectrum on this question.  For me, it's about context.  The work interaction someone described was a good example of this; in that context I would have had the same reaction that it was being used to demean.  In most situations "girl" at work is going to be inappropriate; we're past the "I'll have my girl call your girl" days.  On the other hand, being greeted in a restaurant or a social situation with "girls" doesn't bother me.  

I generally don't use the term "girls" because I know it does bother some people, and I don't have a goal to offend or more importantly to tell anyone else what they should be offended by.  I'd rather make people comfortable and happy, and this applies in the context of terminology for gay/lesbian, trans, racial minorities, etc.   It's really not as difficult as some people are making it out to be.  Most situations can be addressed with a neutral or with no word at all.

Signed,

Toots
Click to expand...
Thanks. I thought acknowledging we were mostly guys here was the respectful thing to do. I copied and pasted the same message (less the 'we're mostly guys' thing) to my facebook. And I asked several women in real life. Believe it or not, I have life outside FBG. ;)  

Wasn't trying to be patronizing at all and I apologize it seemed that way. 

 
Last edited by a moderator:
Joe Bryant said:
Thanks. I thought acknowledging we were mostly guys here was the respectful thing to do. I copied and pasted the same message (less the 'we're mostly guys' thing) to my facebook. And I asked several women in real life. Believe it or not, I have life outside FBG. ;)  

Wasn't trying to be patronizing at all and I apologize it seemed that way. 
Click to expand...
I know you weren’t; no apology necessary.  I wanted to make you aware of that since you were seeking genuine feedback. 

Where do I sign up for this “life outside FBG” you mention?  Sounds intriguing but a little scary.

 
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comfortably numb said:
Terrible click bait article. 

I'm pissed i clicked on the link.
Click to expand...
:goodposting:   So dumb.

If I were to take the article seriously:     It's used as a complement that you're still young, still beautiful.  Just like the opposite, calling young girls ladies is meant to mean so smart so grown up.   GTFO if you're so insecure you have an issue with that.

 
Early in my career I made this mistake. I was talking to a female co-worker about a conference I attended and how this one “girl” got up and talked about such and such. She  immediately interrupted  me and said “Girl? Oh you mean she had pigtails and skipped when she walked?” 😂

Lesson learned....I have never used that in a professional setting again. I may slip up with close women friends but try to stick to ladies or dames if I’m being goofy.

 
I also will slip into British parliamentary rules in very strict settings. 

"The Right Honourable Lady from Human Resources" and "The Right Honourable Gentleman from Marketing".  :moneybag:

 
krista4 said:
I'm befuddled by this thread.  I believe you were sincere in this question, but you acknowledged there are virtually no women here, so how did you expect to get a good answer?  Although I know you didn't intend it this way, it could be viewed as more patronizing than the word "girl" to ask a board full of men what women think about an experience that is specifically female.  

As a result, the thread has gone as one would expect.  Are you learning what you'd hoped?  It seems like naturally you're getting a whole lot of male perspective instead.  I assume you know women IRL and do not have a Pencian restriction on interacting with them.  Have you talked with them as well?  There are some excellent posts from people who understand nuance and context, but I don't think you can get the woman's perspective here, even if there were such a thing.

I haven't read the article because I suspect it's the kind of click-bait that would irritate me.  I'm surprised to find that it appears that some people weren't aware this was an issue.  I went to an extremely liberal women's college, so I guess I was exposed to it much earlier than most.  And I've been calling groups of people of whatever gender "guys" since the 90s and didn't know that was considered unusual.   :lol:   

I have female friends who would be all over the spectrum on this question.  For me, it's about context.  The work interaction someone described was a good example of this; in that context I would have had the same reaction that it was being used to demean.  In most situations "girl" at work is going to be inappropriate; we're past the "I'll have my girl call your girl" days.  On the other hand, being greeted in a restaurant or a social situation with "girls" doesn't bother me.  

I generally don't use the term "girls" because I know it does bother some people, and I don't have a goal to offend or more importantly to tell anyone else what they should be offended by.  I'd rather make people comfortable and happy, and this applies in the context of terminology for gay/lesbian, trans, racial minorities, etc.   It's really not as difficult as some people are making it out to be.  Most situations can be addressed with a neutral or with no word at all.

Signed,

Toots
Click to expand...
Good take.

Personally, the only time I would use "girls" in a professional setting would be with co-workers that I get along with and said in a joking/tongue in cheek manner. Anything else is inappropriate IMO. (I'm a known troublemaker and probably going to get myself in trouble sometime though. Like today when my boss was talking with myself and two female co-workers and was discussing some personality clashes between the women in our group, and I smirked and looked at my boss and said "aren't you sorry you didn't just hire a group of all men?")

I usually default to "ladies" outside that context, but may go with "girls" if it's a group of women I know who seem to be having fun.

Total conjecture here, but I bet that a group of women friends out to have a good time would generally be more prone to being okay with being referred to as girls than a group of professional women out to be noticed/network. Context is key.

But honestly, a lot of times it's probably going to come down to the person. Some women will likely happily accept "girls" because it makes them feel more youthful, just as I think a lot of guys are just fine with being referred to as "boys" because it confers youth and energy. Other women will resent it because they feel as if their entire life they've spent fighting uphill for respect and feel like this is one more small out down.

Overall, it's probably something worth thinking about and being aware of, but I do think that this particular author probably goes too far in presuming that she speaks for all women in all circumstances...which I may be in danger of having just done myself.

 
krista4 said:
I'm befuddled by this thread.  I believe you were sincere in this question, but you acknowledged there are virtually no women here, so how did you expect to get a good answer?  Although I know you didn't intend it this way, it could be viewed as more patronizing than the word "girl" to ask a board full of men what women think about an experience that is specifically female.  

As a result, the thread has gone as one would expect.  Are you learning what you'd hoped?  It seems like naturally you're getting a whole lot of male perspective instead.  I assume you know women IRL and do not have a Pencian restriction on interacting with them.  Have you talked with them as well?  There are some excellent posts from people who understand nuance and context, but I don't think you can get the woman's perspective here, even if there were such a thing.

I haven't read the article because I suspect it's the kind of click-bait that would irritate me.  I'm surprised to find that it appears that some people weren't aware this was an issue.  I went to an extremely liberal women's college, so I guess I was exposed to it much earlier than most.  And I've been calling groups of people of whatever gender "guys" since the 90s and didn't know that was considered unusual.   :lol:   

I have female friends who would be all over the spectrum on this question.  For me, it's about context.  The work interaction someone described was a good example of this; in that context I would have had the same reaction that it was being used to demean.  In most situations "girl" at work is going to be inappropriate; we're past the "I'll have my girl call your girl" days.  On the other hand, being greeted in a restaurant or a social situation with "girls" doesn't bother me.  

I generally don't use the term "girls" because I know it does bother some people, and I don't have a goal to offend or more importantly to tell anyone else what they should be offended by.  I'd rather make people comfortable and happy, and this applies in the context of terminology for gay/lesbian, trans, racial minorities, etc.   It's really not as difficult as some people are making it out to be.  Most situations can be addressed with a neutral or with no word at all.

Signed,

Toots
Click to expand...
i call women miss just about most of the timei think it shows respect and i had a woman tell me that calling a woman missus instead of miss was telling them they were old and that was not cool and she said miss was better so that is what i do what are your thoughts on that i also use lady and ladies a lot and no one has ever told me that was wrong so please give me some feedback thanks kristahan take that to the bank

 
was at a HS girls lacrosse game the other night and the lady coach was screaming at her team to "MAN UP"!   I feel violated because of this.  I mean, who does this broad think she is?

 
i thought it was a given that millennial etiquette for "girls" was "guys". i can't possibly ahead of anybody socially @ my age, so sumn's screwy here. 

 
Joe Bryant said:
https://www.bustle.com/articles/182414-why-we-need-to-stop-calling-women-girls

I do this but I can understand the point of the article. My question - what is the word women would prefer we use? (realizing there are few women here) Basically, what's the female equal to "guys"? "Gals" sounds dumb. Maybe there isn't one? Maybe just say "you"? Open to ideas here.
Click to expand...
Thoughts? The generation of faux outrage over pretty much anything is firmly upon us. Not really sorry if you take offense to something as petty as this. I wouldn't do it at work but if after work we are out someplace I'm amoungst friends I'm pretty sure I've said exactly that, "what can I get your girls?" If I don't know you I'd probably say "ladies" instead because I'm not a total male chauvinist pig but if you get pissed at one, you should get pissed at the other.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
SWC said:
i call women miss just about most of the timei think it shows respect and i had a woman tell me that calling a woman missus instead of miss was telling them they were old and that was not cool and she said miss was better so that is what i do what are your thoughts on that i also use lady and ladies a lot and no one has ever told me that was wrong so please give me some feedback thanks kristahan take that to the bank
Click to expand...
"Miss" is a nice, polite term that seems suitable for any situation, especially coming from the ol' SWC'er.  I can't see how anyone would mind "ladies," either.  Most importantly, "brochacho" works for any person.

 
krista4 said:
I'm befuddled by this thread.  I believe you were sincere in this question, but you acknowledged there are virtually no women here, so how did you expect to get a good answer?  Although I know you didn't intend it this way, it could be viewed as more patronizing than the word "girl" to ask a board full of men what women think about an experience that is specifically female.  

As a result, the thread has gone as one would expect.  Are you learning what you'd hoped?  It seems like naturally you're getting a whole lot of male perspective instead.  I assume you know women IRL and do not have a Pencian restriction on interacting with them.  Have you talked with them as well?  There are some excellent posts from people who understand nuance and context, but I don't think you can get the woman's perspective here, even if there were such a thing.

I haven't read the article because I suspect it's the kind of click-bait that would irritate me.  I'm surprised to find that it appears that some people weren't aware this was an issue.  I went to an extremely liberal women's college, so I guess I was exposed to it much earlier than most.  And I've been calling groups of people of whatever gender "guys" since the 90s and didn't know that was considered unusual.   :lol:   

I have female friends who would be all over the spectrum on this question.  For me, it's about context.  The work interaction someone described was a good example of this; in that context I would have had the same reaction that it was being used to demean.  In most situations "girl" at work is going to be inappropriate; we're past the "I'll have my girl call your girl" days.  On the other hand, being greeted in a restaurant or a social situation with "girls" doesn't bother me.  

I generally don't use the term "girls" because I know it does bother some people, and I don't have a goal to offend or more importantly to tell anyone else what they should be offended by.  I'd rather make people comfortable and happy, and this applies in the context of terminology for gay/lesbian, trans, racial minorities, etc.   It's really not as difficult as some people are making it out to be.  Most situations can be addressed with a neutral or with no word at all.

Signed,

Toots
Click to expand...
I was literally going to quote your post and write, I agree toots.

But you took that from me.

Still funny.

 
Context, micro social groups and all kinds of other qualifiers I would think control this to a certain extent.

Basically, dont be a jerk. Act respectful. And generally speaking you should be fine.

The women I am around are mainly from church in some variant at this point and they all refer to themselves as ladies. Like, you go lady; you ladies rock; etc corny statements.

 
I say "ladies" if it's a group and "M'am" if it's a singular woman...regardless of her age.  If they want to get annoyed...that's their problem...not mine. 

 
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