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Bidet (2 Viewers)

like my main man poison said  miles away live the rich folks and i see how theyare living it up while the poor they eat from heavens mouth the rich are blowin water up  on there butt then there is some  drums and a guitar solo and that song pretty much rules anyhow brohans i am here to tell you that the old swcer has come up with a bidet for the rest of us who dont happen to live in an ivory tower and sit around all day on rich mans wicker furniture eating rich mans cool ranch doritos like we own the place here is what you do to make a bidet for the rest of us you go to a used restaurant equipment store or you look around behind old restaurants and you find an old stand mixer preferably a hamilton beach for maximum bum cleaning power and you take that baby and you put it right near the back of your toilet then right after you take a numero dos you drop the padels right in to the bowl and then you sit back down and then you turn that sucker on high and it will splatter the water and everything else all around until it washes your behind like you are livin the high life and that my friends is how you make a bidet for the rest of us and take it right on back from those snooty water bums take that to the bank bromigos 

 
SWC said:
like my main man poison said  miles away live the rich folks and i see how theyare living it up while the poor they eat from heavens mouth the rich are blowin water up  on there butt then there is some  drums and a guitar solo and that song pretty much rules anyhow brohans i am here to tell you that the old swcer has come up with a bidet for the rest of us who dont happen to live in an ivory tower and sit around all day on rich mans wicker furniture eating rich mans cool ranch doritos like we own the place here is what you do to make a bidet for the rest of us you go to a used restaurant equipment store or you look around behind old restaurants and you find an old stand mixer preferably a hamilton beach for maximum bum cleaning power and you take that baby and you put it right near the back of your toilet then right after you take a numero dos you drop the padels right in to the bowl and then you sit back down and then you turn that sucker on high and it will splatter the water and everything else all around until it washes your behind like you are livin the high life and that my friends is how you make a bidet for the rest of us and take it right on back from those snooty water bums take that to the bank bromigos 
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Bless you.

 
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Reactions: SWC
No easy access to electricity in my water closet so I just toss an arrow fish in the bowl and hope it shoots at the balloon knot.  Not a satisfying life, or death for the arrow fish, and we have to keep a large number of them on hand because you lose one with each flush. 

 
E-Z Glider said:
Never used one, and have a couple questions....

  1. Do you use the bidet as a first cleanse and then use TP to make sure its all clean? Or do you use TP first for the major debris and then use the bidet as a final rinse? Or is this a complete cleansing solution? 
  2. Is this a timed/measured cleanse, or do you control how much/hard/long the water sprays?
  3. How do you dry your dripping-wet undercarriage before putting your drawers back on?
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I just use my wife's facecloth and put it back on the sink.

 
E-Z Glider said:
Bio Bidet Ultimate BB-600 scheduled for delivery today.  :excited:

My undercarriage is tingling with anticipation! 
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WARNING: The BB-600 showed up in a big box with BIO BIDET written in huge letters along the side, completely spoiling that look of confusion and disgust from my wife that I was sooo looking forward to on Christmas morning.  :hot:

 
E-Z Glider said:
WARNING: The BB-600 showed up in a big box with BIO BIDET written in huge letters along the side, completely spoiling that look of confusion and disgust from my wife that I was sooo looking forward to on Christmas morning.  :hot:
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Install complete or you waiting for Christmas?

 
My birthday and hanukkah came and went with no bidet :kicksrock:

one week until Christmas. There is still hope.

I didnt even try to hide it. I sent a text saying I need this asap. She is usually good at getting stuff like this. :fingerscrossed:

 
AcerFC said:
My birthday and hanukkah came and went with no bidet :kicksrock:

one week until Christmas. There is still hope.

I didnt even try to hide it. I sent a text saying I need this asap. She is usually good at getting stuff like this. :fingerscrossed:
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I knew she wouldnt let me down. Cant wait to install this thing 

 
Beef Ravioli said:
I feel weird saying this, but kind of looking forward to your report. 🤢
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My wife said she left something at her moms house. Not sure if I need it. She just got it bc amazon said people purchased these two together. Christmas is here so this may have to wait until real late tonight. 

 
Beef Ravioli said:
I feel weird saying this, but kind of looking forward to your report. 🤢
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I didnt need the other piece so here goes

First, she did not get the one linked here, she got this one because we needed a round not elongated. Same features. 

Install took about 15 minutes I would say. Then another 5 waiting to make sure no leaks. 

In terms of how it works, I feel as I did the first time I watched VR porn. There really isnt going back to the old way. Now, for better or worse, I couldn't really get a sense of its true function since my body wouldn't cooperate. Having said that, the test drive still exceeded expectations. 

I especially like the dryer function. The seat warmer could come in handy during those cold winter lights and the night light is very functional for seeing things at 3am. 

Overall, very happy. Cant wait to take it for a real spin when nature calls. 

Thanks to OP for starting this thread. I had zero idea this was a thing. I thought only rich people like that Laird guy in that movie with walter white had things like this. 

 
AcerFC said:
My birthday and hanukkah came and went with no bidet :kicksrock:

one week until Christmas. There is still hope.

I didnt even try to hide it. I sent a text saying I need this asap. She is usually good at getting stuff like this. :fingerscrossed:
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When's your birthday!? Mine's 12/18.

 
Jed said:
The one I have.

$35 expiriment if you are skeptical.  Do it! 
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Dang, I always thought bidets were special expensive toilets.  I might have to ask for a post-Xmas present and tell the wife we'll save in the long run by not buying so many toddler wipes.

I see more than 1 mention of drying up with toilet paper afterwards.  This seems kinda messy and I would think leave paper clumps you know where.  TP is meant to break up.  Is it not better practice to have a special set or two of hand towels, maybe even wash cloth size, next to the toilet?  Use once then toss into the dirty towel basket.

 
AcerFC said:
Cant wait to install this thing 
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Yeah, I didnt really think this through very well. I dont have an outlet anywhere near the toilet.   :kicksrock: Thinking about running an extension cord for a week or so just to test it out and then maybe have an electrician add an outlet if it's a keeper. 

 
Bobcat10 said:
Dang, I always thought bidets were special expensive toilets.  I might have to ask for a post-Xmas present and tell the wife we'll save in the long run by not buying so many toddler wipes.

I see more than 1 mention of drying up with toilet paper afterwards.  This seems kinda messy and I would think leave paper clumps you know where.  TP is meant to break up.  Is it not better practice to have a special set or two of hand towels, maybe even wash cloth size, next to the toilet?  Use once then toss into the dirty towel basket.
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Using TP for drying never clumps for me. A couple sheets for the initial messy wipe, bidet, couple sheets for drying and done. It’s quick, clean, and saves a ton of TP. 

I personally don’t need hot water down there, cold is fine. I’m glad I don’t have to worry about an outlet. The one I linked has been working for me for 5+ years. 

 
Beef Ravioli said:
Install complete or you waiting for Christmas?
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Finally got this installed and had the chance to spend the weekend with it. :wub:   If you've ever seen the Hulu commercials where they say "never fly 1st class because you'll never be able to fly economy again", this describes it exactly. Im forever ruined from wiping again. The force with which it blasts your balloon knot is a bit alarming at first, but once you get used to it, it's truly a life-changer. The warm water and air dryer are nice touches.

After having an electrician quote me $389 to install a new outlet, I ended up solving my problem simply (and non-ghetto-like) by installing a couple low-volt mounting brackets and pass-through faceplates and just plugging the extension cord into an outlet in an adjoining room. I'm the least handy guy in the world, and it was very easy.

 
I bought the mechanical one recommended in here.   One of my friends used it and immediately bought the same one.   After he hosted a new year's eve party at his house, two more of our friends bought them as well.   life changing.

 
Lol. I’ll have to read through this thread again soon. Wife is getting quotes about re-tiling the master bath. Since they have to remove the old toilet, I’m going to get a new one with the bidet. It’s in its own room so there’s an outlet but not right behind the toilet. Shouldn’t be too bad since I’ve got to move the closet light switch already (also extending shower with frameless glass door).

I’ve used bidets in hotels and resorts before so I’m cool with the process and I’ve been on gateway wipes for a while. 

 
Any updates from anyone on these? Im thinking about getting one of the $40-$50 ones on Amazon, but not sure if that is the path to go.

 
I got that Neo 120 linked above earlier this year.  I use it occasionally at this point for the messy ones when I'm not hitting the shower right afterwards.  I think the product is fine, definitely worth the $40-ish I spent, just not totally for me I guess.  Maybe I just need to consistently use it more often.

 
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i am just wondering if anyone has made a bidet for the rest of us using the something to believe in instructions that i posted up above like i said i consider myself the johnny appleseed of water butt blasters and i feel its important to bring it on home to the heartland so please fill me in brohans and as always take to the bank 

 
Just installed 2 - one in each bathroom.

Life changing but I think even more life changing w women in the house. Here it's just me, but it's amazing to be honest that I put one in my guest bathroom too and people can figure out if they want to use it or not without judgement. These days they are retrofitted on existing toilets and take very little skills to install. I'm happy with both. 

 
Finally decided to get one of these.  For $49, why not.

Took less  than 10 minutes to put in.  Gave it a test run and it may already be one of my favorite things I've ever bought.  I'm annoyed that I waited this long.  Can't wait to try it out for the real thing.

 
strange... considering I spec these kind of things for a living for rich people- not many of said rich people (here in the US) request them. 

moving forward, I will make sure to tell them that the brain-trust of fantasy football degenerates here are big-time advocates.

 
IMAX 3D said:
Just installed 2 - one in each bathroom.

Life changing but I think even more life changing w women in the house. Here it's just me, but it's amazing to be honest that I put one in my guest bathroom too and people can figure out if they want to use it or not without judgement. These days they are retrofitted on existing toilets and take very little skills to install. I'm happy with both. 
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Which model did you go with? I already planted the seed with the wife months ago when the pandy 1st hit but I need to get a new toilet first.

 
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Soooo, this is where we come to extoll the virtues of spraying water up our bungholes, right? (And don't you still need TP to dry that thing off after???)

 
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