mr roboto said:
Why am I a Christian? This is going to sound trite and typical to non-believers, but it's the answer.
When I trusted in Christ for salvation and submitted my will to God's will my life changed.
Let me stop you right here. This is my fundamental question in this thread. You weren't just born this way.
At some point you DECIDED to trust in christ and submit your will to god. My question is when and why? That's at the heart of the thread premise. Were you taught that by your parents? Did you grow up in an atheist household but get curious on your own, read up at a library, and decide this was for you? Were you handed a religion menu and chose this one as opposed to others?
I grew up in a Christian home. Mom and Dad played a prominent role in our church, though I think for my Dad, it was "what you do" (the same church he grew up in, his parents grew up in, etc.). While for my Mom, it was "believe, or burn in hell for eternity." Got that from her mom (my other grandmother), who was a racist and a bigot, among other endearing qualities. Since my Dad wasn't really that interested in me growing up (I was a "dependent," more than his son...sigh), my Mom put the full-court press on my sister and I related to "whatever you gotta do to not spend eternity in hell." So I believed, because I was scared into believing.
Then when I got to college, let's just say that I was unwillingly exposed to "spiritual warfare." Had previous experience with "sixth sense" types of things my whole childhood. But in college, I was exposed to what I can only say was "demonic." Was alone in my freshman dorm's bathroom one night (Nelson Hall second floor, for Mr. Roboto), just brushing my teeth and washing my face, when I was overcome by such a strong presence of evil that it literally knocked the wind out of me and I couldn't move my arms or legs. I just half-stood there, slumped over the sink, trying to gasp for breath...while "feeling" (sensing) the presence of the most awful being I have ever felt. Crouching at the corner where the wall above one of the toilet stalls met the ceiling. ~8-9 feet off the ground. The same experience one of my professors had in his office/studio on-campus one day that same semester...and the same experience one of my friends had in the school's gymnasium mere weeks after my own (though none of us talked about it until after college, or knew it happened to anyone else). The rest of that year, and the rest of my time in/after college, I was "haunted" by evil. Driving on 694, walking down Nicollet Mall in Minneapolis, etc. For some reason, I became a "target" for some pretty nasty, non-human stuff.
I remember thinking one day, after this went on for years:
"If I pull back/away from God a bit...pretend none of it is real, maybe it'll go away and get better." So I did. And it did. "Sixth sense" types of experiences persisted well into my 30s (though I've had VERY few experiences the past 4-5 years). But I stopped attending church services regularly. Stopped leading Bible studies. Etc. And that dark "evil" left me alone...for the most part. I know God exists. I know evil exists as well...I've seen/felt it, not 15 feet away. I know death is not the end...as I've seen/communicated with people who've died. But the less "religious" of a life I've lived, the less I've been tormented by whatever it/that is.
So, full-circle...I never "chose" to believe in God! It was never a choice for me...as it'd be like saying that I chose to believe the Earth orbits the Sun, or that humans need air to breathe (it just is). I was scared into believing it all as a young kid, but then I was hit between the eyes with a 2x4 with it all as a young adult. That all said, I haven't feared death for years. Death, whenever it comes, seems as though it will be more "vacation" or "relief" than an end or sad. What
does scare me? Evil. Not your resident FFA armchair QB tough-guy who cares more about their next beer/lay than their neighbor. I'm talking evil so powerful that even being in "its" presence can knock the wind out of you. So much so that it has consciously kept me at arm's length from God these past ~20 years. Not in my faith/belief! Rather, my being a coward for fearing what might happen (again) if I got up to my chin in affecting positive change within an organized religious community (aka church). I do what I can from "outside those walls!" But between my wanting to rage against the machine every time I hear ignorant people telling/preaching lies, and my fear of being harassed by whatever "it" is again, I've kept my distance.
So to answer Otis' question, it's never been a choice to/for me. Rather, it's more that
it chose me. If that makes any sense. Believe me, life would be a whole lot easier/happier if I could just believe that all that's out there are things I can capture on audio/video, or that the only evil in the world is the actions of selfish, self-centered, self-absorbed ###holes.
Speaking of ###holes, me bearing my soul like that means it's about time to send in the clowns. So I'll head out for a while...go try and (fail to) jump two rocks 15-20 feet apart from a standing start and guess how many fingers they're holding up in front of their monitors (I'm holding up one, FWIW...lol).