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Dad jokes (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter Wrigley
- Start date
Leroy Hoard
Footballguy
Teacher: What does your father do for a living?
Luke: He’s a magician. He performs tricks, like sawing people in half.
Teacher: Do you have any brothers or sisters?
Luke: Yes, four half-sisters and a half-brother.
Luke: He’s a magician. He performs tricks, like sawing people in half.
Teacher: Do you have any brothers or sisters?
Luke: Yes, four half-sisters and a half-brother.
Zow
Footballguy
You aren't going to be able to do this better than Bill Cosby, so don't try.
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xsjr1_bill-cosby-chocolate-cake_shortfilms
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xsjr1_bill-cosby-chocolate-cake_shortfilms
Bob Loblaw
Footballguy
I don't have one.
Officer Pete Malloy
Footballguy
Why don't circus lions eat the clowns?
Because they taste funny.
Because they taste funny.
SHIZNITTTT
Footballguy
An old man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender notices the guy's head is the size of a cue ball.
"I got to ask, sir," says the bartender. "What happened?"
The old guy sighs and tells him, "My ship was torpedoed by the Germans in WWII. A mermaid rescued me and promised to grant me three wishes. For my first wish, I asked to return to the States. My second wish was to have all the money I would ever need. Finally, my third wish was to have sex with the mermaid."
"That doesn't sound too bad," says the bartender. "Then what happened?"
"Well," sighs the man, "mermaids can't have sex, so I asked her if I could just have a little head... ."
"I got to ask, sir," says the bartender. "What happened?"
The old guy sighs and tells him, "My ship was torpedoed by the Germans in WWII. A mermaid rescued me and promised to grant me three wishes. For my first wish, I asked to return to the States. My second wish was to have all the money I would ever need. Finally, my third wish was to have sex with the mermaid."
"That doesn't sound too bad," says the bartender. "Then what happened?"
"Well," sighs the man, "mermaids can't have sex, so I asked her if I could just have a little head... ."
Brony
Footballguy
Arizona Ron
Footballguy
Where did the Iraqi go when the bomb went off?
Everywhere.
Everywhere.
ClownCausedChaos2
Footballguy
I couldn't understand why the frisbee was getting bigger, and then it hit me.
Officer Pete Malloy
Footballguy
Did you hear about the man with 5 penises?
His pants fit like a glove.
His pants fit like a glove.
xulf
Footballguy
pats3in4
Footballguy
Mjolnirs
Footballguy
Every other year as we drove through Georgia to visit family in Florida:
Dad - He look, Waycross Georgia. Do you know how Waycross got it's name?
us - no dad, how?
Dad - When General Sherman was marching across Georgia one of his troops looked up at him on his horse and asked "hey General, where abouts in Georgia are we?"
The General replied, "Oh, we're Way Cross Georgia."
Dad - He look, Waycross Georgia. Do you know how Waycross got it's name?
us - no dad, how?
Dad - When General Sherman was marching across Georgia one of his troops looked up at him on his horse and asked "hey General, where abouts in Georgia are we?"
The General replied, "Oh, we're Way Cross Georgia."
Last edited by a moderator:
SHIZNITTTT
Footballguy
Dad - Did you hear about 98 year old man in Tampa, Florida that died with AIDS?
Me - What? really?
Dad - Yeah he had one in each ear.
Me - What? really?
Dad - Yeah he had one in each ear.
E Street Brat
Footballguy
I'm not really your father.
Ha ha ha
Now git me a beer kid before I whoop your ###
Ha ha ha
Now git me a beer kid before I whoop your ###
TheIronSheik
SUPER ELITE UPPER TIER
One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my daughter to Disneyland, but instead I drove her to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said. "Disneyland burned down." She cried and cried, but I think that deep down, she thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.
ATC1
Footballguy
I like to do the "taking off my thumb trick"
My daughter is always amazed that I have the magic power to stop the rain for a split second while driving. (driving under a bridge)
Passing a cemetery.
Dad: Man that is a nice cemetery.
Kid: really, why is that?
Dad: People are dying to get into it.
My daughter is always amazed that I have the magic power to stop the rain for a split second while driving. (driving under a bridge)
Passing a cemetery.
Dad: Man that is a nice cemetery.
Kid: really, why is that?
Dad: People are dying to get into it.
Officer Pete Malloy
Footballguy
ATC1
Footballguy
Bob Loblaw
Footballguy
Officer Pete Malloy
Footballguy
"I always wanted the first time I had sex to be special..."
...that's why I did it with that handicapped girl
Wrigley
Footballguy
Disco Stu
Confirmed FBGal
This was my dad's favorite...
Ask me if I'm a doctor.
Are you a doctor?
No, but ask me if I'm a doctor.
Are you a doctor?
No, but ask me if I'm a doctor.
Are you a doctor?
Repeat for as long as they'll keep asking. It can go for quite awhile, as kids are convinced there will be a punchline eventually. There isn't.
Ask me if I'm a doctor.
Are you a doctor?
No, but ask me if I'm a doctor.
Are you a doctor?
No, but ask me if I'm a doctor.
Are you a doctor?
Repeat for as long as they'll keep asking. It can go for quite awhile, as kids are convinced there will be a punchline eventually. There isn't.
