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Dating Advice - I blew and now acting on emotion. Is there anything I can do now? (1 Viewer)

DA RAIDERS

willy t flyers
Last thing…don’t discount fat chicks. Perfect for practice, to get your confidence up. Any female attention is beneficial now since you’re starting from zero. You could go on any dating app right now and have a cute chubby girl on your couch before Labor Day. Netflix, nachos, nookie. Guaranteed you’ll feel better after that.
This is so wrong on so many levels but hilarious and not horrible advice.:ROFLMAO:
what are you talking about? this is some of the best advice ever dispensed on this board. slump busters need loving too!
 

Drunken knight

Footballguy
My heart isn't really into it, but I was on eHarmony today. I received an interest, and we talked on the phone tonight for 2 hours.
I don't know if I sounded distracted, down or anything like that, but she seemed normal, fun and interested in meeting...we are planning to meet up on Saturday night.

Chances are, my heart is not in this....but I'm going to try.

See how easy that was, just go on one date with this girl no matter what. Then move onto the next date, after going out with 5-10 girls over a few months you will know what you are looking for.

Unless of course you live in a town like Watford City, North Dakota then you take anyone you can get.


... and for the love of god, do not talk about the ex.
 

Zow

Footballguy
My heart isn't really into it, but I was on eHarmony today. I received an interest, and we talked on the phone tonight for 2 hours.
I don't know if I sounded distracted, down or anything like that, but she seemed normal, fun and interested in meeting...we are planning to meet up on Saturday night.

Chances are, my heart is not in this....but I'm going to try.

See how easy that was, just go on one date with this girl no matter what. Then move onto the next date, after going out with 5-10 girls over a few months you will know what you are looking for.

Unless of course you live in a town like Watford City, North Dakota then you take anyone you can get.


... and for the love of god, do not talk about the ex.
Which is going to be impossible for the next few days.

Which I why I strongly encourage him to hole up for a few days, hide his phone from himself, not think about dating, and pass the time doing things alone that he enjoys even if those things aren't entirely healthy (e.g. consuming mind-altering substances, getting takeout, binge-watching Netflix, gaming, etc.).
 

dkp993

Footballguy
My heart isn't really into it, but I was on eHarmony today. I received an interest, and we talked on the phone tonight for 2 hours.
I don't know if I sounded distracted, down or anything like that, but she seemed normal, fun and interested in meeting...we are planning to meet up on Saturday night.

Chances are, my heart is not in this....but I'm going to try.
Good for you for jumping in. Best thing to do when you get bucked off is to jump right back on. Sitting on it and dwelling will only make it worse.

But 1 quick observation, you weren’t really that into it but talked for 2 hrs? Damn man what happens when you are 6hrs?…..
 

Major

Footballguy
My heart isn't really into it, but I was on eHarmony today. I received an interest, and we talked on the phone tonight for 2 hours.
I don't know if I sounded distracted, down or anything like that, but she seemed normal, fun and interested in meeting...we are planning to meet up on Saturday night.

Chances are, my heart is not in this....but I'm going to try.
Good for you for jumping in. Best thing to do when you get bucked off is to jump right back on. Sitting on it and dwelling will only make it worse.

But 1 quick observation, you weren’t really that into it but talked for 2 hrs? Damn man what happens when you are 6hrs?…..

Yeah, I found that suspect as well. The thought of talking to a girl two hours that I just matched with gave me a laugh. Reminded me of my middle school romances. Less is more in the early stages especially for an e-date. Save something for the in person meet ups. Good luck Spiderman!
 

Kanil

Footballguy
I honestly don't know/how to meet someone next. I met her on accident. I'm alone right now. I am a wreck but do want to get back out there.

In all seriousness, how do I meet someone that I want to actually date?
Find something you like to do, and do it with other people who like to do the same thing. Make the goal "have fun and get to meet new people, who may be women", not "find someone to date" and you'll have a much better time. Eventually you'll find someone you "click" with and you'll already have that something to do in common.
 

Zow

Footballguy
I've been saving this thread for when I had adequate time. Was supposed to have a date tonight, but she canceled last minute, so I instead now have a glass of Buffalo Trace and this thread.
Please stand by for one hell of a thread-hippling. I can't WAIT to see what these degenerates have advised.
Buffalo Trace is good. Jefferson Ocean is better.
 

Nathan R. Jessep

Footballguy
My heart isn't really into it, but I was on eHarmony today. I received an interest, and we talked on the phone tonight for 2 hours.
I don't know if I sounded distracted, down or anything like that, but she seemed normal, fun and interested in meeting...we are planning to meet up on Saturday night.

Chances are, my heart is not in this....but I'm going to try.

I'll be honest. I read all of your posts in here, and only a small percentage of the replies, because I knew (from experience, in case you haven't read my threads here :lol: ) what MOST of the replies would be.

When I read the OP, my first, immediate, question was... how old are these people??? It took 2 or 3 pages for someone to ask you that in this thread. I was a little surprised to see your ages when you finally answered that bc it read like a couple of mid to late 20yo. But ok, we'll go with that.

I'm going to now give you some advice from someone who is very near your age, who has met the "love of his life" and had her subsequently leave him and turn his world upside down. TWICE. I've sent one of those messages like you sent her post-breakup, to the first one. I didn't on the second one and I can tell you it made zero difference in either outcome. If you didn't feel a little bit of guilt after sending it, you probably didn't get everything out that you actually wanted to say. You need to take some time and figure out what that was and, more importantly, why you didn't say it. I'm not going to say you need to go to therapy, but I would strongly suggest reading some relationship psychology at the very least. There are some very good free sources out there.

What really stood out to me was the very first 2 paragraphs of the OP. 2 things.
1) She asked you to move there and you were scared. -- Bruh. Sigh. I may not know everything but I know this. LOVE DON'T RUN. Love is not scared. Maybe it was infatuation. Maybe she awoke something inside of you that you didn't know was there. IDK, but I know this. If this was real, actual love, you would ****ing sell everything you own TODAY to get on a plane and go be with that girl. If you didn't feel that, I'm sorry but she ain't the one. What she may be is the IDEA of the one that you have conjured in your head. You need to spend some time and think about that. That's basically what a lot of people's response are trying to tell you. --- Now this is the part you really need to pay attention to. If this was real actual love FOR HER, SHE wouldn't have risked losing you. THAT is what you really need to let sink in. Why is SHE the only prize here?? YOU are a prize too. And the right person will recognize and appreciate that. All the people who are not the right persons will NOT recognize or appreciate that.
2) "She did say out loud that she wasn't sure that she was actually ready for this relationship" -- This is ACTUALLY a red flag in relationships. Why? because She's telling you she's uncertain of her feelings too. See Item #1. Now there are TWO of you who are essentially uncertain of your feelings. Sure, it's easy to grovel and send your emotional thoughts after the fact bc that's how grief works. Grief is just a bunch of feelings with no place to go. Sometimes it comes out as anger and tears. Sometimes it comes out in two page letters. Sometimes it comes out as a bottle of whiskey or a hole punched in drywall. But the source is all the same.

So what I see here is 2 people who aren't sure of themselves, for whatever reasons. So the brutal honest truth is... for this to work out, and theoretically it could but odds are small because of what has to happen, you BOTH have to do the work on yourselves, SEPARATELY, to heal whatever past damage is inside of you both that is causing these feelings of fear and uncertainty.

My last piece of advice is ABSOLUTELY DO NOT DELAY in deleting ALL dating apps from your phone right now! You know why? Because hurt people hurt people. Right now you are a hurt person, and all you are going to do right now is hurt some other person. Your wounds are going to bleed on someone else who didn't cut you. And it's really not fair to either of you. You're looking for a bandage on a broken heart and the person you encounter might be the pre-heartbreak you looking for their person. This is only going to end in tragedy. You don't heal yourself by meeting someone else right away or having casual sex (there's hookers for that if you are feeling that needy). Somebody else won't heal you. You heal yourself by doing the work to look within yourself, and figuring out your fears and doubts when it comes to putting trust and feelings into another person, and finding a way to fix all that. If you can't do it on your own, that's what therapists are for. HEAL, no matter how long it takes! THEN, and only then, do you get yourself back out there. Because at that point, you will have a renewed confidence and sense of self worth and there will be no stopping you.

Best of luck.

:hugs:
 

Galileo

Footballguy
My heart isn't really into it, but I was on eHarmony today. I received an interest, and we talked on the phone tonight for 2 hours.
I don't know if I sounded distracted, down or anything like that, but she seemed normal, fun and interested in meeting...we are planning to meet up on Saturday night.

Chances are, my heart is not in this....but I'm going to try.

I'll be honest. I read all of your posts in here, and only a small percentage of the replies, because I knew (from experience, in case you haven't read my threads here :lol: ) what MOST of the replies would be.

When I read the OP, my first, immediate, question was... how old are these people??? It took 2 or 3 pages for someone to ask you that in this thread. I was a little surprised to see your ages when you finally answered that bc it read like a couple of mid to late 20yo. But ok, we'll go with that.

I'm going to now give you some advice from someone who is very near your age, who has met the "love of his life" and had her subsequently leave him and turn his world upside down. TWICE. I've sent one of those messages like you sent her post-breakup, to the first one. I didn't on the second one and I can tell you it made zero difference in either outcome. If you didn't feel a little bit of guilt after sending it, you probably didn't get everything out that you actually wanted to say. You need to take some time and figure out what that was and, more importantly, why you didn't say it. I'm not going to say you need to go to therapy, but I would strongly suggest reading some relationship psychology at the very least. There are some very good free sources out there.

What really stood out to me was the very first 2 paragraphs of the OP. 2 things.
1) She asked you to move there and you were scared. -- Bruh. Sigh. I may not know everything but I know this. LOVE DON'T RUN. Love is not scared. Maybe it was infatuation. Maybe she awoke something inside of you that you didn't know was there. IDK, but I know this. If this was real, actual love, you would ****ing sell everything you own TODAY to get on a plane and go be with that girl. If you didn't feel that, I'm sorry but she ain't the one. What she may be is the IDEA of the one that you have conjured in your head. You need to spend some time and think about that. That's basically what a lot of people's response are trying to tell you. --- Now this is the part you really need to pay attention to. If this was real actual love FOR HER, SHE wouldn't have risked losing you. THAT is what you really need to let sink in. Why is SHE the only prize here?? YOU are a prize too. And the right person will recognize and appreciate that. All the people who are not the right persons will NOT recognize or appreciate that.
2) "She did say out loud that she wasn't sure that she was actually ready for this relationship" -- This is ACTUALLY a red flag in relationships. Why? because She's telling you she's uncertain of her feelings too. See Item #1. Now there are TWO of you who are essentially uncertain of your feelings. Sure, it's easy to grovel and send your emotional thoughts after the fact bc that's how grief works. Grief is just a bunch of feelings with no place to go. Sometimes it comes out as anger and tears. Sometimes it comes out in two page letters. Sometimes it comes out as a bottle of whiskey or a hole punched in drywall. But the source is all the same.

So what I see here is 2 people who aren't sure of themselves, for whatever reasons. So the brutal honest truth is... for this to work out, and theoretically it could but odds are small because of what has to happen, you BOTH have to do the work on yourselves, SEPARATELY, to heal whatever past damage is inside of you both that is causing these feelings of fear and uncertainty.

My last piece of advice is ABSOLUTELY DO NOT DELAY in deleting ALL dating apps from your phone right now! You know why? Because hurt people hurt people. Right now you are a hurt person, and all you are going to do right now is hurt some other person. Your wounds are going to bleed on someone else who didn't cut you. And it's really not fair to either of you. You're looking for a bandage on a broken heart and the person you encounter might be the pre-heartbreak you looking for their person. This is only going to end in tragedy. You don't heal yourself by meeting someone else right away or having casual sex (there's hookers for that if you are feeling that needy). Somebody else won't heal you. You heal yourself by doing the work to look within yourself, and figuring out your fears and doubts when it comes to putting trust and feelings into another person, and finding a way to fix all that. If you can't do it on your own, that's what therapists are for. HEAL, no matter how long it takes! THEN, and only then, do you get yourself back out there. Because at that point, you will have a renewed confidence and sense of self worth and there will be no stopping you.

Best of luck.

:hugs:
Spoken like a true hugger…
 

dkp993

Footballguy
My heart isn't really into it, but I was on eHarmony today. I received an interest, and we talked on the phone tonight for 2 hours.
I don't know if I sounded distracted, down or anything like that, but she seemed normal, fun and interested in meeting...we are planning to meet up on Saturday night.

Chances are, my heart is not in this....but I'm going to try.

I'll be honest. I read all of your posts in here, and only a small percentage of the replies, because I knew (from experience, in case you haven't read my threads here :lol: ) what MOST of the replies would be.

When I read the OP, my first, immediate, question was... how old are these people??? It took 2 or 3 pages for someone to ask you that in this thread. I was a little surprised to see your ages when you finally answered that bc it read like a couple of mid to late 20yo. But ok, we'll go with that.

I'm going to now give you some advice from someone who is very near your age, who has met the "love of his life" and had her subsequently leave him and turn his world upside down. TWICE. I've sent one of those messages like you sent her post-breakup, to the first one. I didn't on the second one and I can tell you it made zero difference in either outcome. If you didn't feel a little bit of guilt after sending it, you probably didn't get everything out that you actually wanted to say. You need to take some time and figure out what that was and, more importantly, why you didn't say it. I'm not going to say you need to go to therapy, but I would strongly suggest reading some relationship psychology at the very least. There are some very good free sources out there.

What really stood out to me was the very first 2 paragraphs of the OP. 2 things.
1) She asked you to move there and you were scared. -- Bruh. Sigh. I may not know everything but I know this. LOVE DON'T RUN. Love is not scared. Maybe it was infatuation. Maybe she awoke something inside of you that you didn't know was there. IDK, but I know this. If this was real, actual love, you would ****ing sell everything you own TODAY to get on a plane and go be with that girl. If you didn't feel that, I'm sorry but she ain't the one. What she may be is the IDEA of the one that you have conjured in your head. You need to spend some time and think about that. That's basically what a lot of people's response are trying to tell you. --- Now this is the part you really need to pay attention to. If this was real actual love FOR HER, SHE wouldn't have risked losing you. THAT is what you really need to let sink in. Why is SHE the only prize here?? YOU are a prize too. And the right person will recognize and appreciate that. All the people who are not the right persons will NOT recognize or appreciate that.
2) "She did say out loud that she wasn't sure that she was actually ready for this relationship" -- This is ACTUALLY a red flag in relationships. Why? because She's telling you she's uncertain of her feelings too. See Item #1. Now there are TWO of you who are essentially uncertain of your feelings. Sure, it's easy to grovel and send your emotional thoughts after the fact bc that's how grief works. Grief is just a bunch of feelings with no place to go. Sometimes it comes out as anger and tears. Sometimes it comes out in two page letters. Sometimes it comes out as a bottle of whiskey or a hole punched in drywall. But the source is all the same.

So what I see here is 2 people who aren't sure of themselves, for whatever reasons. So the brutal honest truth is... for this to work out, and theoretically it could but odds are small because of what has to happen, you BOTH have to do the work on yourselves, SEPARATELY, to heal whatever past damage is inside of you both that is causing these feelings of fear and uncertainty.

My last piece of advice is ABSOLUTELY DO NOT DELAY in deleting ALL dating apps from your phone right now! You know why? Because hurt people hurt people. Right now you are a hurt person, and all you are going to do right now is hurt some other person. Your wounds are going to bleed on someone else who didn't cut you. And it's really not fair to either of you. You're looking for a bandage on a broken heart and the person you encounter might be the pre-heartbreak you looking for their person. This is only going to end in tragedy. You don't heal yourself by meeting someone else right away or having casual sex (there's hookers for that if you are feeling that needy). Somebody else won't heal you. You heal yourself by doing the work to look within yourself, and figuring out your fears and doubts when it comes to putting trust and feelings into another person, and finding a way to fix all that. If you can't do it on your own, that's what therapists are for. HEAL, no matter how long it takes! THEN, and only then, do you get yourself back out there. Because at that point, you will have a renewed confidence and sense of self worth and there will be no stopping you.

Best of luck.

:hugs:
Sitting up on that wall give you lots of time to think about relationships huh? But that’s ok, I want you up on that wall, need you up on that wall. Now back to my cocktail party.
 

Nathan R. Jessep

Footballguy
I will add one more thing before I guzzle a bottle of water and go to bed.

You can pick any one or two of the 8 pages worth of replies in this thread to latch on to as 'good advice' but the one(s) you should probably listen to the most are the ones that make you a little uncomfortable. You seem like a good dude with good intentions. Just don't let your own confirmation bias stand in the way of self-improvement.
 

northern exposure

Footballguy
My heart isn't really into it, but I was on eHarmony today. I received an interest, and we talked on the phone tonight for 2 hours.
I don't know if I sounded distracted, down or anything like that, but she seemed normal, fun and interested in meeting...we are planning to meet up on Saturday night.

Chances are, my heart is not in this....but I'm going to try.

I'll be honest. I read all of your posts in here, and only a small percentage of the replies, because I knew (from experience, in case you haven't read my threads here :lol: ) what MOST of the replies would be.

When I read the OP, my first, immediate, question was... how old are these people??? It took 2 or 3 pages for someone to ask you that in this thread. I was a little surprised to see your ages when you finally answered that bc it read like a couple of mid to late 20yo. But ok, we'll go with that.

I'm going to now give you some advice from someone who is very near your age, who has met the "love of his life" and had her subsequently leave him and turn his world upside down. TWICE. I've sent one of those messages like you sent her post-breakup, to the first one. I didn't on the second one and I can tell you it made zero difference in either outcome. If you didn't feel a little bit of guilt after sending it, you probably didn't get everything out that you actually wanted to say. You need to take some time and figure out what that was and, more importantly, why you didn't say it. I'm not going to say you need to go to therapy, but I would strongly suggest reading some relationship psychology at the very least. There are some very good free sources out there.

What really stood out to me was the very first 2 paragraphs of the OP. 2 things.
1) She asked you to move there and you were scared. -- Bruh. Sigh. I may not know everything but I know this. LOVE DON'T RUN. Love is not scared. Maybe it was infatuation. Maybe she awoke something inside of you that you didn't know was there. IDK, but I know this. If this was real, actual love, you would ****ing sell everything you own TODAY to get on a plane and go be with that girl. If you didn't feel that, I'm sorry but she ain't the one. What she may be is the IDEA of the one that you have conjured in your head. You need to spend some time and think about that. That's basically what a lot of people's response are trying to tell you. --- Now this is the part you really need to pay attention to. If this was real actual love FOR HER, SHE wouldn't have risked losing you. THAT is what you really need to let sink in. Why is SHE the only prize here?? YOU are a prize too. And the right person will recognize and appreciate that. All the people who are not the right persons will NOT recognize or appreciate that.
2) "She did say out loud that she wasn't sure that she was actually ready for this relationship" -- This is ACTUALLY a red flag in relationships. Why? because She's telling you she's uncertain of her feelings too. See Item #1. Now there are TWO of you who are essentially uncertain of your feelings. Sure, it's easy to grovel and send your emotional thoughts after the fact bc that's how grief works. Grief is just a bunch of feelings with no place to go. Sometimes it comes out as anger and tears. Sometimes it comes out in two page letters. Sometimes it comes out as a bottle of whiskey or a hole punched in drywall. But the source is all the same.

So what I see here is 2 people who aren't sure of themselves, for whatever reasons. So the brutal honest truth is... for this to work out, and theoretically it could but odds are small because of what has to happen, you BOTH have to do the work on yourselves, SEPARATELY, to heal whatever past damage is inside of you both that is causing these feelings of fear and uncertainty.

My last piece of advice is ABSOLUTELY DO NOT DELAY in deleting ALL dating apps from your phone right now! You know why? Because hurt people hurt people. Right now you are a hurt person, and all you are going to do right now is hurt some other person. Your wounds are going to bleed on someone else who didn't cut you. And it's really not fair to either of you. You're looking for a bandage on a broken heart and the person you encounter might be the pre-heartbreak you looking for their person. This is only going to end in tragedy. You don't heal yourself by meeting someone else right away or having casual sex (there's hookers for that if you are feeling that needy). Somebody else won't heal you. You heal yourself by doing the work to look within yourself, and figuring out your fears and doubts when it comes to putting trust and feelings into another person, and finding a way to fix all that. If you can't do it on your own, that's what therapists are for. HEAL, no matter how long it takes! THEN, and only then, do you get yourself back out there. Because at that point, you will have a renewed confidence and sense of self worth and there will be no stopping you.

Best of luck.

:hugs:
This post is the best piece of advice in the whole thread. Most men are just going to tell Spidey to get back out there asap. This situation (relationship) didn't work because Spiderman needs to work on himself to attract the type of person he wants to be in a relationship with. If he just jumps back into dating the pattern is just going to repeat itself. The women will change, but the results will be the same.

How do I know? Because I had a period of my life with some similarities to Spiderman's story. I was in my mid 20s, not mid 40s. But, the similarities were there. Once I did some self work and focused on having fun and not worrying about meeting someone, everything changed.
 

Steve Tasker

Footballguy
My last piece of advice is ABSOLUTELY DO NOT DELAY in deleting ALL dating apps from your phone right now! You know why? Because hurt people hurt people. Right now you are a hurt person, and all you are going to do right now is hurt some other person. Your wounds are going to bleed on someone else who didn't cut you. And it's really not fair to either of you. You're looking for a bandage on a broken heart and the person you encounter might be the pre-heartbreak you looking for their person. This is only going to end in tragedy. You don't heal yourself by meeting someone else right away or having casual sex (there's hookers for that if you are feeling that needy). Somebody else won't heal you. You heal yourself by doing the work to look within yourself, and figuring out your fears and doubts when it comes to putting trust and feelings into another person, and finding a way to fix all that. If you can't do it on your own, that's what therapists are for. HEAL, no matter how long it takes! THEN, and only then, do you get yourself back out there. Because at that point, you will have a renewed confidence and sense of self worth and there will be no stopping you.
I didn't want to be the one to say it, since everyone else's opinion was the opposite, but this was my take on it as well. I know the whole "get under someone to get over someone" is sometimes a thing, but it reads to me that he's got a lot of personal growth to undertake before even picking up the apps.
 
My last piece of advice is ABSOLUTELY DO NOT DELAY in deleting ALL dating apps from your phone right now! You know why? Because hurt people hurt people. Right now you are a hurt person, and all you are going to do right now is hurt some other person. Your wounds are going to bleed on someone else who didn't cut you. And it's really not fair to either of you. You're looking for a bandage on a broken heart and the person you encounter might be the pre-heartbreak you looking for their person. This is only going to end in tragedy. You don't heal yourself by meeting someone else right away or having casual sex (there's hookers for that if you are feeling that needy). Somebody else won't heal you. You heal yourself by doing the work to look within yourself, and figuring out your fears and doubts when it comes to putting trust and feelings into another person, and finding a way to fix all that. If you can't do it on your own, that's what therapists are for. HEAL, no matter how long it takes! THEN, and only then, do you get yourself back out there. Because at that point, you will have a renewed confidence and sense of self worth and there will be no stopping you.
I didn't want to be the one to say it, since everyone else's opinion was the opposite, but this was my take on it as well. I know the whole "get under someone to get over someone" is sometimes a thing, but it reads to me that he's got a lot of personal growth to undertake before even picking up the apps.
I suppose I'm in the middle on this. I don't think he should be looking to find constant hookups on Tinder. Or just looking to get laid. Not the least of which because I don't think he's in a place to just handle a bunch of rejections, which is what that approach will get him. I was super inexperienced into my mid 20's and asking me to just shoot my shot and not care about the rejections would have been terrible advice then.

But I do think there is a benefit in getting out and dating again with the goal being to have a good time on the dates as others have suggested. I'm not sure how much he can really heal by himself. Part of becoming comfortable with who he is involves learning to be that person around other people. Not with an agenda, but just having the confidence to like himself enough to show that to other people. So I'd do the Match.com thing. And I'd not shy away from long emails and phone calls if he's comfortable with it. I did that stuff because it was more comfortable for me to put that stuff out there before meeting for the first time.
 

Galileo

Footballguy
Anyone seen @Spiderman in any other threads? Trust you are doing ok Good Buddy!
Did you see him in threads before this fiasco?
I don’t recall, but I looked at his profile the other day and he’s been around the ffa for a long time. I’m kind of concerned about the young man.
Other than this thread, he hadn't posted since 2019, so good chance we are looking at an alias
 

the rover

has you on ignore
I've been saving this thread for when I had adequate time. Was supposed to have a date tonight, but she canceled last minute, so I instead now have a glass of Buffalo Trace and this thread.
Please stand by for one hell of a thread-hippling. I can't WAIT to see what these degenerates have advised.
Buffalo Trace is good. Jefferson Ocean is better.
You're joking. You bought into that gimmick? "It aged while sailing around the world? Let me pay $30 more for mediocre bourbon." Shame.

Get some Blanton's.
 

belljr

Footballguy
Anyone seen @Spiderman in any other threads? Trust you are doing ok Good Buddy!
Did you see him in threads before this fiasco?
I don’t recall, but I looked at his profile the other day and he’s been around the ffa for a long time. I’m kind of concerned about the young man.
Other than this thread, he hadn't posted since 2019, so good chance we are looking at an alias
Pretty obvious no
 

Zow

Footballguy
I've been saving this thread for when I had adequate time. Was supposed to have a date tonight, but she canceled last minute, so I instead now have a glass of Buffalo Trace and this thread.
Please stand by for one hell of a thread-hippling. I can't WAIT to see what these degenerates have advised.
Buffalo Trace is good. Jefferson Ocean is better.
You're joking. You bought into that gimmick? "It aged while sailing around the world? Let me pay $30 more for mediocre bourbon." Shame.

Get some Blanton's.
I think it's wonderful bourbon. Did a blind taste test with other comparable whiskys such as Buffalo Trace, Woodford, and, of course, Blanton. I preferred Jefferson's Ocean as a significant notch more than the others.

To be clear, I don't think it was because it was on a boat.
 

stbugs

Footballguy

Spiderman

Footballguy
Message from her today:
Hey, I am thinking of you and hope you're doing ok...
And taking care of yourself too.

I haven't been taking care of myself. I have lost 10 lbs, I am depressed and I love her. I really don't think she is opening any doors to a relationship, but how would I go about responding? I know I can't depend on this and need to get better, but I'm lost. I really think, from our conversation, she isn't ready for a relationship right now and I believe her, but how can I remain in the picture without looking desperate and stupid. I'd do anything to try and make things right. I do feel like I did a lot wrong that turned her off and I know she's not opening the door.
 

ChiefD

Footballguy
Message from her today:
Hey, I am thinking of you and hope you're doing ok...
And taking care of yourself too.

I haven't been taking care of myself. I have lost 10 lbs, I am depressed and I love her. I really don't think she is opening any doors to a relationship, but how would I go about responding? I know I can't depend on this and need to get better, but I'm lost. I really think, from our conversation, she isn't ready for a relationship right now and I believe her, but how can I remain in the picture without looking desperate and stupid. I'd do anything to try and make things right. I do feel like I did a lot wrong that turned her off and I know she's not opening the door.
Don't respond.

Be the chasee and not the chaser right now.

And take care of yourself.
 

Don't Toews Me

Footballguy
Message from her today:
Hey, I am thinking of you and hope you're doing ok...
And taking care of yourself too.

I haven't been taking care of myself. I have lost 10 lbs, I am depressed and I love her. I really don't think she is opening any doors to a relationship, but how would I go about responding? I know I can't depend on this and need to get better, but I'm lost. I really think, from our conversation, she isn't ready for a relationship right now and I believe her, but how can I remain in the picture without looking desperate and stupid. I'd do anything to try and make things right. I do feel like I did a lot wrong that turned her off and I know she's not opening the door.
Don't respond.

Be the chasee and not the chaser right now.

And take care of yourself.

This. Don't say a word.
 

Zow

Footballguy
Message from her today:
Hey, I am thinking of you and hope you're doing ok...
And taking care of yourself too.

I haven't been taking care of myself. I have lost 10 lbs, I am depressed and I love her. I really don't think she is opening any doors to a relationship, but how would I go about responding? I know I can't depend on this and need to get better, but I'm lost. I really think, from our conversation, she isn't ready for a relationship right now and I believe her, but how can I remain in the picture without looking desperate and stupid. I'd do anything to try and make things right. I do feel like I did a lot wrong that turned her off and I know she's not opening the door.
Well, she reached out quickly. I'm honestly surprised and I take that as a good sign. I think you have a couple of options here:

1. Do nothing. This is probably the correct option, but I absolutely understand how hard this option will seem to you. No way former me could have said nothing in return.
2. If you do decide to respond, it's gotta be short and emotionally neutral. Something like, "Hey, I'm hanging in there. I hope you're doing well as well."
3. This is the lesser advised/more dangerous option, but if you can work in a joke and/or you can truthfully provide something positive you did with yourself since you last spoke, it might work. I'm referring to making an inside joke that doesn't seem desperate (e.g. maybe you re-learned how to fold clothes because she did your laundry or some such) or relaying that you got to see mutual friends or went on a day trip or something. This is a very risky play, though.
 

ChiefD

Footballguy
Well, she reached out quickly. I'm honestly surprised and I take that as a good sign. I think you have a couple of options here:

1. Do nothing. This is probably the correct option, but I absolutely understand how hard this option will seem to you. No way former me could have said nothing in return.
2. If you do decide to respond, it's gotta be short and emotionally neutral. Something like, "Hey, I'm hanging in there. I hope you're doing well as well."
3. This is the lesser advised/more dangerous option, but if you can work in a joke and/or you can truthfully provide something positive you did with yourself since you last spoke, it might work. I'm referring to making an inside joke that doesn't seem desperate (e.g. maybe you re-learned how to fold clothes because she did your laundry or some such) or relaying that you got to see mutual friends or went on a day trip or something. This is a very risky play, though.
4. Doing great. Hung out with friends this past weekend and met some great new people. Take care.
 

STEADYMOBBIN 22

Footballguy
DO NOT RESPOND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DO NOT RESPOND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DO NOT RESPOND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DO NOT RESPOND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DO NOT RESPOND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

Zow

Footballguy
Well, she reached out quickly. I'm honestly surprised and I take that as a good sign. I think you have a couple of options here:

1. Do nothing. This is probably the correct option, but I absolutely understand how hard this option will seem to you. No way former me could have said nothing in return.
2. If you do decide to respond, it's gotta be short and emotionally neutral. Something like, "Hey, I'm hanging in there. I hope you're doing well as well."
3. This is the lesser advised/more dangerous option, but if you can work in a joke and/or you can truthfully provide something positive you did with yourself since you last spoke, it might work. I'm referring to making an inside joke that doesn't seem desperate (e.g. maybe you re-learned how to fold clothes because she did your laundry or some such) or relaying that you got to see mutual friends or went on a day trip or something. This is a very risky play, though.
4. Doing great. Hung out with friends this past weekend and met some great new people. Take care.
Ehh, a bit much IMO.

Which demonstrates why this option is not advised.
 

BigJim®

Footballguy
DO NOT RESPOND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DO NOT RESPOND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DO NOT RESPOND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DO NOT RESPOND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DO NOT RESPOND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah, agreed. Hate to be the cynic, but odds are she is looking for an ego boost of some sort that you're still there "just in case... ." It's human nature. Based on your description of your last call, it's probably best if you do not play that role. Anything beyond "How thoughtful, I'm doing well and wish the best for you" is too much.
 

STEADYMOBBIN 22

Footballguy
You literally just said you're not taking care of yourself. YOU are the #1 priority to YOU. You are in no mental shape to navigate the next steps. You can however feel really good about the text from her. Let that give you a small boost of confidence.

Because you have not given her any attention in a few days she texted. All she wants right now is to get the gratification of knowing you're still pining for her. That's all she wants.

This is where YOU have to decide what you REALLY want. If you still want to be with a woman who left the state you live in while you were dating than thats on you. I dont recommend it but its your life. We dont know enough about her or you to know this. With that said.....

If you do not text she will text again.. When she does text again, DO NOT RESPOND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wait at least 1 day to respond and if you do just keep it simple and not emotional. Dont overplay it and say youre doing wonderful and youre out meeting new people, just be causal and polite. What Big Jim said above is what I would say. Remember, you dont owe her anything. You laid youre heart out there and she was like, meh, lets talk tomorrow. again, that doesnt mean you have to be a jerk to her.
 

DA RAIDERS

willy t flyers
DO NOT RESPOND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DO NOT RESPOND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DO NOT RESPOND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DO NOT RESPOND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DO NOT RESPOND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DO NOT RESPOND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DO NOT RESPOND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DO NOT RESPOND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DO NOT RESPOND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DO NOT RESPOND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

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