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Do you have any gay family or friends? If so, how did you handle it? (1 Viewer)

Eminence said:
My uncle is gay, it's kind of awkward. He's been married to women twice after prancing around with other men for a handful of years. So he's claiming to be straight now.

Kind of reinforces my idea that people can pretty much choose to do whatever they want. How do you just flip flop like that if you weren't making a conscious decision the whole time?
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Shut up, moron.

 
I have many lesbian friends and several gay friends. I always knew before they came out to me, and in one instance I was the first person to whom a buddy came out. They were always more apprehensive about telling me than I was about hearing it. In the end they were all relieved to get past the coming out and wished they had done so sooner, at least with me. With the exception of one of these friends all are wonderfully well adjusted individuals, highly successful, and well thought of in their communities and professional fields. The lone exception was rejected, condemned, and cut off by his family. He O,D.'d. None of his family came to the funeral. What became of that family I do not know.

Steve, my deceased friend, was a genius and a musical prodigy. To this day I can vividly recall his excitement when we finished modifying a harpsichord to make it electric. He jammed on that thing all night. He was a brilliant pianist, but he loved that harpsichord. He was a rare cat, He had a Chem. E./ Music double major.

 
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Quite a few gay friends. No biggie as far as I'm concerned. One guy in my close circle came out a while back. We really weren't shocked. Again, no biggie. We're a rough group of guys though -- any weakness or difference is ripped on. Fat guy gets it for being fat, bald guys get it for being bald, minority guys get it for being minorities, etc. Classic guys bashing on 20+ year friends in a group that's been more or less the same since college. We had a period of time that was awkward because no one would rip on the obvious -- gay guy getting it because he's gay. Finally the fat guy was taking it pretty good from the gay guy and fired back. The gay guy teared-up, not because he was hurt but because he was happy. Said it was the 1st time he really felt like we were all really cool with it.

Gay or straight, guys are basically idiots.

 
I've thought about this a few times and I literally don't have a relationship with a single person who has come out as gay.

I only know of two people from my HS who are known homosexuals and I don't know that I ever even had a conversation with either of them. I can't think of anyone I knew in college who I've heard was gay either.

I honestly haven't done this on purpose, but the combination of the majority of my friends being from church and growing up/living in an extremely conservative area has likely kept me from meeting people who are openly gay.

I did go to college in St Louis and live/work there afterwards for 4 years, so you'd think I would have met and associated with at least one openly gay person. But in college, I played two sports and hung out primarily with either athletes or Christians. Then after school, almost all of my close friends were married and went to church.

Work would have been the best place for me to come across at least one openly gay person, but after racking my brain I seriously can't come up with a single person who I know was gay.

It's like I'm some kind of gay person repellant. Wherever I go they either leave or stay in hiding.

ETA: also, not a single gay family member. My wife has like a second cousin who recently came out as gay, but I only met her twice and couldn't even tell you her last name.

 
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When my aunt Theresa comes to town we joke uncle Terry is here. But when she she arrives we all just focus on cold drinks and what is for dinner like any other gathering. Not any different then any of my other aunt/uncles for the most part.

 
One family member and several friends that are gay. Can't say there was much for me to handle.

"I'm Gay."

"Ok. and...?"

and that's that.

 
My older cousin came out like 15 years ago when he was in his early 20's (I was in my late teens). The family accepted it well (everyone kind of always knew) although my devout Catholic grandparents had a little bit of trouble with it at first. Eventually they totally got over it and fully accepted him (and his long time partner, who was always welcome at family gatherings)

One of my best friends came out to our group via email back in February. Again, not a huge surprise to anyone. Changed absolutely nothing. He's one of the best guys I know and we're all really happy for him.

My other good friend's wife (now ex-wife) "came out" about a year and a half ago. I put it in quotation marks because the catalyst was that she met someone. (at a water park of all places....)That person happens to be a post-op transgender "woman" who was born a man. Although I fully believe that sexual preference is genetic, I'm not sure what to think about this particular situation. The wife (who is/was a good friend of mine as well. They started dating our freshman year of college) in question is very flakey and I kind of think that her choice to leave my friend for this person was more a case of her flakiness (and meeting someone who is apparently VERY charismatic and somewhat manipulative) then some sudden revelation that she is gay. Plus, I'm not entirely sure having a relationship with someone who was born a man makes you a lesbian.

Other than that, a few other co-workers/random acquaintances. I treat them just like every other person I know.

 
Steve Tasker said:
I have several gay friends and a lesbian cousin.

My little brother, whom I consider to be one of my best friends, came out to me about 5 years ago now. I had suspected it for awhile and it hasn't changed our relationship one bit. Our entire family has been extremely accepting of everything, and I think that him coming out helped spur my cousin into coming out as well.

He'll be the best man in my wedding this fall. I look forward to someday being the best man in his wedding, once he and his boyfriend tie the knot. Will be one of the happiest days of my life.
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You should tell your little brother to play the field until he hits his 40s imo. Gay dudes have the easiest dating life in the world.

 
Bucky86 said:
Had a good friend come out recently. Honestly we all always suspected it. Never dated. Always had an excuse for not hitting on a chick, etc.

Don't treat him any differently. Only time its awkward is when he asks his guy friends for advice when he's seeing somebody. I'm always like, " Dude, talk to a chick about this. I don't have any answers."
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Pretty much had the exacty situation with a good friend that I've known for a good 15+ years. We all had feeling he was gay, but he had never said anything about it before and had a gf while in college. When he told me, I wasn't surprised at all. Still hang out and talk to him just as much as I did before I found out. Didn't bother me in the least.

 
timschochet said:
None of my gay friends have asked me to handle them.
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That's because they come out to you and you go home and email them a twenty page story on the history of homosexuality

 
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My mother came out to me when I was 18, during parents weekend my first semester at college. I was pretty devastated, as it imploded my already dysfunctional family. I wasn't mad at her personally, but the situation was upsetting and I had the worst grades of my life that semester.

Overall though, it strangely made me feel better about her than I did previously. From when I was a little kid up until I was big enough to fight off an adult (who is pretty butch), she physically abused me. I know that she was abused too as a child, worse than I was actually (not that that remotely excuses that kind of thing, it doesn't). Adding in the repressed sexuality at least gave me more ground to try and empathize with her though. When I was 18 I hadn't forgiven her for what she'd done yet. I have today. From there to here, I think her coming out played a part in that forgiveness.

Oh, and I was totally shocked at the news. My mother is hefty, loves to play softball, has short hair, and basically a lesbian stereotype to a T. It's obvious in retrospect, but I was 100% blind to it growing up.

 
I have a gay cousin and my wife has two.

I remember when I was a freshman in high school, about 6-7 of us were at a friend's house playing Blades of Steel on the Super Nintendo (as we seemed to do all the time back then). The friend's brother always seemed weird to me, although he was only in about third grade I made an comment insinuating he was gay and I thought the dad was going to murder me. He put his arm around me and said "I know you're not calling my son gay". Fast forward twenty years and the boy came out to everyone while in drag. :lol:

 
timschochet said:
None of my gay friends have asked me to handle them.
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:lol:

This brings up a question for you, Gachi.

Say you are telling one of your old friends that you are gay and sometime during the conversation, they pull the feigned hurt feelings (but probably not 100% kidding), "How come you never hit on me?" thing.

How do you see it? Annoying? Cute? Offensive? Comforting?

(please note I'm not saying that I may have joked about something like that when one of my college housemates told me and my wife about 5 years later that he was gay)

 
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Jayrod said:
I've thought about this a few times and I literally don't have a relationship with a single person who has come out as gay.

I only know of two people from my HS who are known homosexuals and I don't know that I ever even had a conversation with either of them. I can't think of anyone I knew in college who I've heard was gay either.

I honestly haven't done this on purpose, but the combination of the majority of my friends being from church and growing up/living in an extremely conservative area has likely kept me from meeting people who are openly gay.

I did go to college in St Louis and live/work there afterwards for 4 years, so you'd think I would have met and associated with at least one openly gay person. But in college, I played two sports and hung out primarily with either athletes or Christians. Then after school, almost all of my close friends were married and went to church.

Work would have been the best place for me to come across at least one openly gay person, but after racking my brain I seriously can't come up with a single person who I know was gay.

It's like I'm some kind of gay person repellant. Wherever I go they either leave or stay in hiding.

ETA: also, not a single gay family member. My wife has like a second cousin who recently came out as gay, but I only met her twice and couldn't even tell you her last name.
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Athletes and Christians can't be gay, so I understand
 
Officer Pete Malloy said:
Eminence said:
My uncle is gay, it's kind of awkward. He's been married to women twice after prancing around with other men for a handful of years. So he's claiming to be straight now.

Kind of reinforces my idea that people can pretty much choose to do whatever they want. How do you just flip flop like that if you weren't making a conscious decision the whole time?
Click to expand...
Shut up, moron.
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:lmao:

Almost hard to believe he didn't get that Walgreens promotion.

 
One gay cousin. We knew he was gay long before he did. Nothing at all changed and I got to go to a Star Wars themed wedding :thumbup:

 
(HULK) said:
My mother came out to me when I was 18, during parents weekend my first semester at college. I was pretty devastated, as it imploded my already dysfunctional family. I wasn't mad at her personally, but the situation was upsetting and I had the worst grades of my life that semester.

Overall though, it strangely made me feel better about her than I did previously. From when I was a little kid up until I was big enough to fight off an adult (who is pretty butch), she physically abused me. I know that she was abused too as a child, worse than I was actually (not that that remotely excuses that kind of thing, it doesn't). Adding in the repressed sexuality at least gave me more ground to try and empathize with her though. When I was 18 I hadn't forgiven her for what she'd done yet. I have today. From there to here, I think her coming out played a part in that forgiveness.

Oh, and I was totally shocked at the news. My mother is hefty, loves to play softball, has short hair, and basically a lesbian stereotype to a T. It's obvious in retrospect, but I was 100% blind to it growing up.
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Interesting. I know its not you because he doesn't live there anymore, but I have a friend who grew up where you live whose mother did the same, though their family was not dysfunctional by anybodys account. Certainly nothing like mine. Wouldn't say she had any stereotypical signs, but just up and called a family meeting one day and announced she was divorcing dad to be with a woman.

I had an uncle, a family friend who we'd see at holiday gatherings, and two of my good friends are gay. One took a while to come out even there we all knew in high school. Its kinda pathetic that anybody in this day and age would care.

 
Jayrod said:
I've thought about this a few times and I literally don't have a relationship with a single person who has come out as gay.

I only know of two people from my HS who are known homosexuals and I don't know that I ever even had a conversation with either of them. I can't think of anyone I knew in college who I've heard was gay either.

I honestly haven't done this on purpose, but the combination of the majority of my friends being from church and growing up/living in an extremely conservative area has likely kept me from meeting people who are openly gay.

I did go to college in St Louis and live/work there afterwards for 4 years, so you'd think I would have met and associated with at least one openly gay person. But in college, I played two sports and hung out primarily with either athletes or Christians. Then after school, almost all of my close friends were married and went to church.

Work would have been the best place for me to come across at least one openly gay person, but after racking my brain I seriously can't come up with a single person who I know was gay.

It's like I'm some kind of gay person repellant. Wherever I go they either leave or stay in hiding.

ETA: also, not a single gay family member. My wife has like a second cousin who recently came out as gay, but I only met her twice and couldn't even tell you her last name.
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Once again, it's like you and I live in different countries.

 
the moops said:
Jayrod said:
I've thought about this a few times and I literally don't have a relationship with a single person who has come out as gay.

I only know of two people from my HS who are known homosexuals and I don't know that I ever even had a conversation with either of them. I can't think of anyone I knew in college who I've heard was gay either.

I honestly haven't done this on purpose, but the combination of the majority of my friends being from church and growing up/living in an extremely conservative area has likely kept me from meeting people who are openly gay.

I did go to college in St Louis and live/work there afterwards for 4 years, so you'd think I would have met and associated with at least one openly gay person. But in college, I played two sports and hung out primarily with either athletes or Christians. Then after school, almost all of my close friends were married and went to church.

Work would have been the best place for me to come across at least one openly gay person, but after racking my brain I seriously can't come up with a single person who I know was gay.

It's like I'm some kind of gay person repellant. Wherever I go they either leave or stay in hiding.

ETA: also, not a single gay family member. My wife has like a second cousin who recently came out as gay, but I only met her twice and couldn't even tell you her last name.
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Athletes and Christians can't be gay, so I understand
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$20 says Jayrod is gay.

 
MC Gas Money said:
Guy I used to freebase with came out as gay and started hitting on me while he was high.

I was freebasing so I took it in stride and just told him he was barking up the wrong tree. I didnt stop hanging out with him since he knew all the dealers.

Eventually we stopped getting high and went our seperate ways.

Ran in to him on thr subway years later. He just had a kid with a woman hr was living with and had steady work in construction.
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Maybe he was just in a Village People cover band.

 
My sister is a lesbian, I've known since I can remember. If anything, the shared interest in attractive women has made us closer than we otherwise would have been. Her daughter (born during a time where she was trying to date men to try to be "normal") has come out as transgender recently, and that's been a little harder to deal with for me personally because of the name and pronoun changes, it's hard to change how you address someone after 20+ years but everyone recognizes that difficulty and has been more than understanding so far. Other than breaking really old habits with the transgender thing, I'm not sure what there was to handle on my part.

 
No close friends. Several acquaintences. One family member who refuses to just admit it.

I handle it by seriously not caring what any of them do for and during sexy time.

 
I don't understand what there would be for me to handle. I don't get involved in any of my friends' sex lives. Why would it matter?

 
Gachi said:
As I've mentioned before, I'm a gay African-American male. Football and food are my favorite things in the world. I'm 6'5 and a former o-linemen. For all intents and purposes I'm a normal guy, who happens to like other guys.

Last year I did something I never thought I would do, I told my brother that I was gay. He was very confused as to why I'm not attracted to women, and he's not fond of it. However, even though he doesn't like the fact that his little brother is gay he said he still loves me, which is all I cared about. I don't expect people to "understand" homosexuality (even though it's a relatively simple concept), I just don't want to be treated fairly.

Anywho, I'm curious to you guys' personal experiences. Before they came out did you already have suspicions? Did you look at them differently? Did it cause any kinds of rifts?
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Bckground- I grew up outside of SF and have spent the rest of my life in NYC- in architecture/interiors and married to a fashion designer... so lots and lots of gay peeps in my life.

I've only had one friend come out (every other friend of mine was out before I knew them)- it was a complete surprise to me, but made no difference in our relationship.

We do have a nephew that I suspected might be when he hit puberty (nothing tangible, just years of being around gay friends of all types). He's had a really tough time of things through HS and now into college. No gfs, tried suicide (more a cry for help than actual try), gotten into drugs. The latter two we thought- and still might be- due to his folks splitting up and aren't necessarily due to him coming to grips with his sexuality. But it's definitely something in the back of mind as I watch mature into manhood. We've wanted to talk with him about it since we're the only people in his family would be completely happy with him either way... but man, it really doesn't feel like our place. I'm hoping we can be there for him someday.

I can't imagine how hard it must be to do- especially if you know your family has strong feelings against. So... CONGRATS for coming out to your brother (and to us- makes me happy to have somebody out here, especially given a lot of the usual juvenile idiocy)! I'd have to imagine despite his negativity, it must be a huge relief not to have to hide it from him and can only help to bring you two closer in the future. Have you come out to your parents? Or do you assume that your brother passed on the info.

 
Bucky86 said:
Had a good friend come out recently. Honestly we all always suspected it. Never dated. Always had an excuse for not hitting on a chick, etc.

Don't treat him any differently. Only time its awkward is when he asks his guy friends for advice when he's seeing somebody. I'm always like, " Dude, talk to a chick about this. I don't have any answers."
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Yup. My good friend from high school came out after his first marriage (to a woman) ended in a divorce. Everyone pretty much new he was gay, but he tried to hide it. Not very well, though. He was always the lead in every play, would get up and dance when a good song came on when we were out with the guys, and a number of other things. None of us treat him any different.

I remember he called me to tell me and he after he told me he said, "I just don't want you to worry about whether I'm checking out your ### all of the time, because I'm not." My reply to him was, "Why not? Is something wrong with my ###?" :confused: He laughed and said that this was the response he got from all of us.

Seriously, though, my ### is pretty sweet.

 
MC Gas Money said:
comfortably numb said:
jamny said:
Mr. Ected said:
My brother is gay. He came out to my wife and I when we were calling him to tell him we were engaged. Always suspected it.
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Odd timing.
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Talk about being a one upper kinda guy.
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If only he had the discipline to announce it during the wedding toast
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I think it was more of a "him being very happy and wanting to just get it off his back" sort of thing. The timing never really bothered me, part of his personality now that I think about it.

MC - I guess then I made a better choice for the best man!

The only thing that has ever bothered me is now in the age of Facebook, I get to read his posts to his friends; and some of them based on his sometimes being on the more effeminate side make me cringe a little bit.

 
My great uncle, for whom I was named (middle name) was a clarinet player who was a member of the USO during World War II. He was a bachelor who lived for years with his close "friend". Apparently my great grandmother, an orthodox Jew, discovered somehow that my great Uncle was up to sinful behavior and sat shiva for him (basically she declared him dead to the family, and ostracized him from all family events.) This all happened in the early 50s; my great uncle lived apart from the family for several more years until his "friend" died of cancer; shortly after that he (my great uncle) put a gun in his mouth and swallowed a bullet. I never knew him.

 
timschochet said:
My great uncle, for whom I was named (middle name) was a clarinet player who was a member of the USO during World War II. He was a bachelor who lived for years with his close "friend". Apparently my great grandmother, an orthodox Jew, discovered somehow that my great Uncle was up to sinful behavior and sat shiva for him (basically she declared him dead to the family, and ostracized him from all family events.) This all happened in the early 50s; my great uncle lived apart from the family for several more years until his "friend" died of cancer; shortly after that he (my great uncle) put a gun in his mouth and swallowed a bullet. I never knew him.
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:confused: Did the bullet just slide out of the barrel? Was it the wrong caliber?

 
Officer Pete Malloy said:
timschochet said:
My great uncle, for whom I was named (middle name) was a clarinet player who was a member of the USO during World War II. He was a bachelor who lived for years with his close "friend". Apparently my great grandmother, an orthodox Jew, discovered somehow that my great Uncle was up to sinful behavior and sat shiva for him (basically she declared him dead to the family, and ostracized him from all family events.) This all happened in the early 50s; my great uncle lived apart from the family for several more years until his "friend" died of cancer; shortly after that he (my great uncle) put a gun in his mouth and swallowed a bullet. I never knew him.
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:confused: Did the bullet just slide out of the barrel? Was it the wrong caliber?
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He stuck a gun in his mouth and blew his brains out. That's all I know.

 
I have had lots of gay people in my life, although several have met tragic ends.

We have some lesbian neighbors who have become really close friends, but they never came out to us - it was just obvious when they moved in. They have a son who is good friends with our son and we socialize and recreate (bike rides, hiking, rafting) a lot together.

One of my closest childhood friends came out to me when he was about 25. This was about 20 years ago. It surprised me at first, but I quickly got over it and we stayed close friends. He died a few years back of an infection.

I have a cousin who was married with two small kids (1 and 3 yoa) when she had an affair with her spin class instructor and made the decision that she was gay. I found that to be a bad deal on several levels (husband blind sided, little kids involved, cheating), and still resent her a bit for it.

I had an uncle who was gay, but it was never talked about in the family. He lived in CA and had a "really close friend named Ira". I think I was about 16 when I figured out that Ira was his partner. I'm sad that I was never closer to him and don't think I ever met Ira. My uncle died of diabetes in 1990.

My wife had a cousin who lived in Florida with his partner. We visited them a few times before and after we had kids and they were a lot of fun. He got hit by a car and died in 2006.

As some have said, it really shouldn't be a big deal.

 
timschochet said:
Officer Pete Malloy said:
timschochet said:
My great uncle, for whom I was named (middle name) was a clarinet player who was a member of the USO during World War II. He was a bachelor who lived for years with his close "friend". Apparently my great grandmother, an orthodox Jew, discovered somehow that my great Uncle was up to sinful behavior and sat shiva for him (basically she declared him dead to the family, and ostracized him from all family events.) This all happened in the early 50s; my great uncle lived apart from the family for several more years until his "friend" died of cancer; shortly after that he (my great uncle) put a gun in his mouth and swallowed a bullet. I never knew him.
Click to expand...
:confused: Did the bullet just slide out of the barrel? Was it the wrong caliber?
Click to expand...
He stuck a gun in his mouth and blew his brains out. That's all I know.
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When you swallow something it goes through your brain?

 
I've only had one friend do the whole "I'm gay" thing (and another that did "I'm transgendered.") All the others, there wasn't any official coming out. Half of them, it wasn't necessary because they were more flaming than the Human Torch, the others, would just casually mention in conversation something about their boyfriend or that they thought a guy was hot, etc.

 
Years back my ex-wife was friends with a male couple. I personally was around them in social situations only a couple times. Was not a problem.

My brother, now deceased, was gay. He talked about it some, I listened in those rare occasions so it was also not a problem...until I told him I did not agree. At that moment our relationship was damaged beyond repair. I immediately became a bigoted, homophobe who was out to get him due simply to that fact.

A female co-worker who I count as a friend divorced, dated men for a time, then all of a sudden announces a relationship with another woman. I can imagine my reaction showed some surprise. No problems with her since.

So my experience is limited, but that is all I have.

 
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