Family gathering with cheater - how to handle? (1 Viewer)

[Ditkaless Wonders]

Nor crabs

Is that like the norovirus, but with claws?

 

[Thorn]

In general, I agree with you about the "none of their business".  That being said, the sister has openly vented to, solicited advice from and in general drawn support upon several family members.  She has definitely invited us into her business, so to speak.

And as an aside: The husband's family is disgusted with him, too.  This isn't just a "hey, let's turn the wife's family into a lynch mob against the husband based on hearsay."  The husband admitted he screwed up, but after 3 times both families don't want to hear it.

Non sequitur

 

[pats3in4]

So the mistress wask hoping he'd get caught and/or is dumb as a bag of hammers.

The latter.  She contacted the wife and denied anything happened despite the husband confessing.

 

[coyote5]

So the mistress wask hoping he'd get caught and/or is dumb as a bag of hammers.

Maybe if you're having an affair and your mistress has your cell number, turn off the #######ed lock screen texts preview.  I'd say it's the guy that's as dumb as a bag of hammers.

 

[Ditkaless Wonders]

Now imagine the Mistress shows up as somebody else's +1.

 

[coyote5]

The latter.  She contacted the wife and denied anything happened despite the husband confessing.

Well ok, they're both dumb as a bag of hammers then.

 

[pats3in4]

Now imagine the Mistress shows up as somebody else's +1.

Whoa!  I'd hope this isn't in play, but maybe I should go live at this party just in case.

 

[jonessed]

You don't want to be the one who starts an incident.  Greet as normal, be polite, but keep your distance if that makes you more comfortable.

 

[Funkley]

It seems to me it's on the wife to judge, not anyone else. If she's OK with it and stays with him, that's on her. 

Treat him civily and let them live their own relationship. 

 

[fred_1_15301]

Do the kids know that daddy is a serial cheater?  

 

[pats3in4]

Do the kids know that daddy is a serial cheater?  

Not the serial part.  They are crushed, especially the oldest.

 

[Notorious T.R.E.]

Use the bro-hug as the opportunity to quietly say "shame on you" in his ear.  Then cut off the hug and handshake and either turn and walk away or give him a serious, "I mean it" look before walking away.

 

[FUBAR]

This is a softball.  They are a bunch of Raiders fans still bitter over the tuck rule.  I can bring up Deflategate and Tom Brady and they'll reflexively shout, "Cheater!"  Then I can say, "Maybe not big cheating like cheating on your wife, but a little cheating, perhaps."

or just bring up politics, mention how you respect Hillary because she stood by Bill despite him being an ### clown. 

 

[sbonomo]

No, just me.  That they let me step foot in their homes is quite the surprise.

Actually, the guy got caught the night the Warriors lost to the Cavs.  He was drunk and depressed post-game, staggering around looking for his phone.  His wife found it and was bringing it to him when it started lighting up with texts from his mistress, "Aw, babe.  Sorry about the game.", "Love you.", "I'll make it all right for you tomorrow night" and #### like that.  Idiot.

How do people that are this stupid get girls? @eminence there is hope.

 

[sbonomo]

You skipped over the offdee rating for SIL......:tapsfoot:

 

[pats3in4]

How do people that are this stupid get girls? @eminence there is hope.

Find someone who will stay with you after cheating...twice, maybe three times.  Apparently a winning formula for some :ladiesman:

 

[pats3in4]

You skipped over the offdee rating for SIL......:tapsfoot:

You noticed that, huh?  Let's just leave that one alone.

Edit: And a nice touch with "SIL"

 

[Henry Ford]

Is that like the norovirus, but with claws?

I think it's when you get pubic lice in Ohio.

 

[Ditkaless Wonders]

I think it's when you get pubic lice in Ohio.

A good reason to avoid Ohio.  Me, I haven't been since 1978.

 

[Henry Ford]

A good reason to avoid Ohio.  Me, I haven't been since 1978.

"Times are not good here. The city is crumbling into ashes. It has been buried under a lava flood of taxes and frauds and maladministrations so that it has become only a study for archaeologists. Its condition is so bad that when I write about it, as I intend to do soon, nobody will believe I am telling the truth. But it is better to live here in sackcloth and ashes than to own the whole state of Ohio."

-Lafcadio Hearn

 

[Johnny Rock]

Throw stones at him. 

 

[pats3in4]

You don't want to be the one who starts an incident.  Greet as normal, be polite, but keep your distance if that makes you more comfortable.

This has been the predominant advice in this thread and it's good.  I asked the question because I knew being so close to the situation kind of clouds the focus.  Everyone here with their distance from it helped provide better context.

 

[Eminence]

How do people that are this stupid get girls? @eminence there is hope.

I've actually been getting some sugar the past week or two. 

 

[Green and Gold]

I've actually been getting some sugar the past week or two. 

It tastes like sugar, but is probably corn syrup.

 

[elguapo07]

He's been caught thrice--how many times has he gotten away with it?

This.  Who are the three mistresses?  Are they co-workers, Tinder/Ashley Madison, old flames or is he all over the board and banging random chicks?  Curious to know how this stud operates.

Also, if things get out of hand do what Piper did to Frankie Williams one time on Pipers Pit.  This will endear you to the family for years.

 

[dickey moe]

" I don't want to catch the clam media, or the gentle warts." 

 

[cstu]

She leaves how I should act up to me.  As for how she approaches him, she's more concerned what she'll say after downing a few drinks.  She's really ticked off, but mostly because he's a repeat offender.  Which leads to her bigger issue: how her sister doesn't just get rid of him.  Honestly, that's more on her mind than what he did.

Wouldn't be the first woman to stay with a serial cheater.  Guy is probably riding it out until the kids are adults.

 

[Ditkaless Wonders]

These venerable diseases are no laughing matter.

 

[Henry Ford]

I should also mention that every man gets one shot at the "two sisters" threesome in his life, whether he sees that opportunity or not.  This is yours. God speed.

 

[chet]

When's the party?

 

[bueno]

These venerable diseases are no laughing matter.

They do make you vulnerable

 

[pats3in4]

I should also mention that every man gets one shot at the "two sisters" threesome in his life, whether he sees that opportunity or not.  This is yours. God speed.

ORLY?

 

[Henry Ford]

ORLY?

Yup.  

 

[Ash]

At the end of this month is a birthday party in which there will be a big family gathering.  At this party will be my girlfriend's sister, her husband and their 3 kids (ages 12-15).  The husband was just caught cheating for the 3rd time.  While I suspect more people know of it than realized, the official count of people at the party who are in the know is about 8 -10 and all are disgusted with him, including the wife*, but yet they'll both still be there.

The husband is a fun guy to drink and watch sports with, but like the others I am also disgusted with him.  I don't want to acknowledge his presence, let alone shake his hand.  I know he'll come up to me for the bro hug when I get there and I don't want any part of that.  Yet I don't want to enhance the drama as this party isn't about me.  But the thought of giving him that bro hug, making small chit chat and otherwise pretending everything is okay sickens me.

Any advice on how to stay true to myself without making even a minor scene or gossip topic?  One idea I had was just being straight with him, but also polite, telling him when we meet, "You know, I'm not happy with what you did to your wife.  So excuse me if I don't want to hug you, shake your hand or talk to you.  I'm here for the birthday boy and his parents, so I don't want to make this about us.  If you have a problem with this, I'm fine talking about it sometime after the party."  I don't like this, so if you have better ideas, I'd love to hear them. 

* Why the wife stays with him has everyone shuked, but that's not the point of this thread. 

You're a Pats fan and you say you care about cheating?  

 

[cstu]

The more concern you show for your SIL the more your wife is going to think you want to bang her sister.

 

[Buzzbait]

The more concern you show for your SIL the more your wife is going to think you want to bang her sister.

You say that like it's a bad thing. One of two things happen.

1) GF isn't into that thing and not happy. Deny, deny, deny (i.e. "What the he** are you talking about? I back your family and this is what I get?"

2) She's into it