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Funny things your kid has said (1 Viewer)

Kanil said:
Haha... that reminds me...

MrsKanil's family is Jewish.  We celebrate Hanukkah and last year we were just finishing up breakfast at a restaurant:

Waitress: Thank you for coming in.  Merry Christmas

Myself and MrsKanil: You too!

at the same time KanilJr:  :rant:  WE'RE JEWISH.  WE CELEBRATE HANUKKAH.

Waitress: :o

Myself and MrsKanil: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

We ended up explaining to him that whether someone is saying Merry Christmas or Happy Hanukkah they're just intending to say they want you to enjoy your holiday but KanilJr was having none of that at the time.
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Jeeeze... he ask her to turn down the AC also?

 
We have an exchange student coming next week for a month. During that time #10&11 are going to stay in my room. We have put mattresses on the floor for them. 

10(3yo) came to my room the other day. He knocks on the door and asks to come in. I said why? He said “I want to bounce on my bed and make noise”

 
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So my three year old has not really mastered potty training. I wnt to pick him up the other day and he was going from kid to kid in his class and, with the solemnity of Walter Cronkite, informing them “I peed on myself.”

 
coaching 6/7 year old co-ed soccer. kids are fascinated by how old i might be :shrug:

Monday night before the game

kid: coach, how old are you really?

me: i'm 42

kid from another team who is passing by: 42! that's not even old! my mom is 38!

mom: :hot:  WHAT???!?! I AM NOT!

eta: she was probably, maybe, 28

 
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One of my wife's friends from high school was over the other day, not one of her closer friends but a friend....

My daughter tells them both "This friendship is temporary"

They both had a good laugh

 
I sent a link to an article about gaming addiction to our family text thread. #7 (8yo,f,scary Smart) is playing a game on her dads phone on a trip to pick up #1.

She sees the link come up and says “Mom just sent a link about gaming addiction but I’m not going to read it because I want to play my game.”

 
11yo floppinho has gotten into the habit lately of asking me questions about some event we're both witnessing at the same time and place where there's no possible way of knowing the answer.

Two nights ago walking home together we see an ambulance in front of the  building next door...

-dad, what happened?! Who got hurt?

- it's bob. He fell down.

- Whos Bob?

- yeah. Who indeed. Why do you think i know what happened? We're coming up on the scene at the same exact moment and have same info. 

Last night we're walking home from the subway and we see a bunch of emergency vehicles in front of the playground across the street from our apt. (It's NYC, this is pretty common)

-dad...what happened?!

-its Bob.

-what happened to him?

-this

- :mellow:

(Same playground where that happened)

 
10 yr old daughter: coach says I need to build strength in my legs so I can jump higher

me: it’s not entirely your fault that you can’t jump over a phone book, it runs in the family

her: Dad what’s a phone book?

 
El Floppo said:
11yo floppinho has gotten into the habit lately of asking me questions about some event we're both witnessing at the same time and place where there's no possible way of knowing the answer.

Two nights ago walking home together we see an ambulance in front of the  building next door...

-dad, what happened?! Who got hurt?

- it's bob. He fell down.

- Whos Bob?

- yeah. Who indeed. Why do you think i know what happened? We're coming up on the scene at the same exact moment and have same info. 

Last night we're walking home from the subway and we see a bunch of emergency vehicles in front of the playground across the street from our apt. (It's NYC, this is pretty common)

-dad...what happened?!

-its Bob.

-what happened to him?

-this

- :mellow:

(Same playground where that happened)
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Similar my kids ask me all the time about their friends schedule. Drives me nuts. I tell them their friends have their own moms to keep them on track. Not my job. 

 
Had a debate over the weekend with my 16 year old on the Mission: Impossible movies.  He discovered there is a colon in the middle of it, so he claims the moves are not called, for instance, "Mission Impossible...pause...Fallout" but instead, "Mission...pause....Impossible Fallout."

I tried to explain that it was based on an old TV just called just Mission Impossible, so even though there is a colon, the pause is where the - is between impossible and the name of the movie, so "Mission Impossible...pause...Fallout."

He then, as a chip off the old block for shtick purposes, insists there is a pause in both spots.  Then to top it off, he tries to work it in as much as possible over the weekend.  Anytime someone would say something about a movie he would say "hey, can we see the new Tom Cruise movies, Mission.....Impossible...Fallout" with the break between words getting larger each time he said it.  

I was so proud.

 
Angelic, sweet 3 year old daughter comes into the bedroom around 4am last week

Her - Daddy...

Me - Hey Bug, what’s the matter?

Her - I tooted and it was violent, I had to leave my room

 
 I told #5 (14yo,m) to make the cake icing while I ran to bank and took #6 and friend to birthday lunch. He made the icing. Looks great. Left it in the bowl and put it in the fridge.

When I wtf’ed him about why he didn’t put it on the cake he said I didn’t tell him to do that.

That’s funny stuff right there. 

 
Clown Car said:
 I told #5 (14yo,m) to make the cake icing while I ran to bank and took #6 and friend to birthday lunch. He made the icing. Looks great. Left it in the bowl and put it in the fridge.

When I wtf’ed him about why he didn’t put it on the cake he said I didn’t tell him to do that.

That’s funny stuff right there. 
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That’s too presh.

 
Clown Car said:
 I told #5 (14yo,m) to make the cake icing while I ran to bank and took #6 and friend to birthday lunch. He made the icing. Looks great. Left it in the bowl and put it in the fridge.

When I wtf’ed him about why he didn’t put it on the cake he said I didn’t tell him to do that.

That’s funny stuff right there. 
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He gets points for being right, right?

 
It’s kind of funny now, after the fact, but boy did I step in it this morning:

Driving 3yo daughter over to Meema’s (my mom) before heading to work, kiddo's in the back seat singing that baby shark song.  She starts rattling off who everyone is:  the wifey and I are mommy and daddy shark, Meema is grandma shark, PopPop is granddad shark.  Then the questions come.

Her - who’s your mommy, dad?

Me - Your Meema is my momma

Her - who’s your daddy, dad?

Me - your PopPop is my dad

Her - who’s his daddy?

Me - well, remember we learned he worked at that orange plant we passed going to your old school?  And that he went to heaven a long time ago?

Her - yeah...did he die?

Me - well, yeah, I mean...

Her - am I gonna die?

Me - *internally panicking*

Me - Hey, you wanna go kayaking again this weekend?  Swim in the clear water again?  Maybe see some manatees?

Her - YEAH!

Phew, crisis averted

 
Heard the Police song "Canary in a Coal Mine" song on way home from store last night.

The 5-year old boy has been including"poo poo" as part of just about every sentence possible lately.

So for some reason I started singing "poo poo in a coal mine!" in the car with the 7-year old daughter... who of course in turn tells the boy to start singing it

Yeah that went on for at least an hour last night.

 
El Floppo said:
11yo floppinho has gotten into the habit lately of asking me questions about some event we're both witnessing at the same time and place where there's no possible way of knowing the answer.

Two nights ago walking home together we see an ambulance in front of the  building next door...

-dad, what happened?! Who got hurt?

- it's bob. He fell down.

- Whos Bob?

- yeah. Who indeed. Why do you think i know what happened? We're coming up on the scene at the same exact moment and have same info. 
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What's the reason my wife does the same thing damn near any time we're watching a new episode of a show?

 
El Floppo said:
11yo floppinho has gotten into the habit lately of asking me questions about some event we're both witnessing at the same time and place where there's no possible way of knowing the answer.
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It's because for the last 11 years you've been omnipotent.  You've spent her entire life knowing things she had no idea how you knew it.  Don't worry. Another couple of years and you won't know anything.

 
Not sure if I posted this awhile back or not, but I just remembered...

Peter Gabriel's "Red Rain" comes on the radio.  My 9 yo says "wait, I thought the rain was purple?"

 
Kanil said:
It's because for the last 11 years you've been omnipotent.  You've spent her entire life knowing things she had no idea how you knew it.  Don't worry. Another couple of years and you won't know anything.
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So you're saying he's going to turn into my wife.

But yeah, I remember the moment realizing adults weren't omnipotent... Thanks, uncle Danny, for being an #######!

 
I wonder when mine will figure out that those are actually just the lights of airplanes in the sky at night and not the eyes of dragons searching for kid's toes to eat?

I didn’t figure out that my all knowing dad was incorrect of the meaning for La Quinta, the hotel chain.  Up until Spanish II in high school, I thought it meant My Donkey Inn. Had some questions for father when I got home that day 

 
Watching Big Brother where the contestants were getting stuff splashed on them during a competition. 

Me: Is that honey? 

14 yr old daughter: It’s tree sap, you uncultured swine. 

Me:  :unsure:

 
My youngest cousin has lived all over SE Asia for the last decade or so and was home to visit over the last weekend.  He's always looked up to me as the older cousin and he's a really good kid so I try to make time whenever he's back in the states.  He came home this last weekend and got to meet KanilJr (7yo) for the first time since he was a baby.  At one point, my cousin said "damn" and then right away realizes he cursed and says, "sorry for cursing".  I let him know that my son knows what a curse word is and he knows what he is or is not allowed to say.

Fast forward 15 minutes or so and my cousin is really getting into being the cool older cousin to my son.  Conversation goes like this:

Cousin: What have you been doing with your summer?

KanilJr: Oh not much, visiting grandma in Texas, running a lemonade stand, and KICKING ###!

Me: :shock:

Cousin: :eek:

KanilJr: Sorry for cursing (in the exact tone and inflection my cousin dropped it earlier)

 
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So we are at dinner the other night with the whole family. The food shows up, and my 8yo daughter all of a sudden has to go to the bathroom. This is apparently her shtick, since she does this all the time. She and the wife go, and then comes back:
 

Me: You all good?

Her: Yep.

Me: Did you have to take a dump?

Her: Yep.

10 year old son: Why do you always have to take a dump when we go to a restaurant?

Her: I guess it's a tradition for my butt. 

Family:  :lol:

 
My 7-year old daughter, while I was putting her to bed, explained in great detail how she was able to fart in class without anyone hearing it.   :excited:

 
El Floppo said:
nirad3 said:
My 7-year old daughter, while I was putting her to bed, explained in great detail how she was able to fart in class without anyone hearing it.   :excited:
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Farts will always be funny
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ALWAYS.

I love my wife to death, but how she made it with me and three boys without finding farts funny is beyond me.  When the four of us are laughing our asses off, she's usually scowling at us in the corner.

 
#9 (6yo) eats a ton of apples every day. She eats almost through the core. She has permission to get an apple whenever she wants. 

Last night I was painting the bathroom, music was on, #2 was home for a visit. There was just a lot of activity going on andshe comes to me and says “can I have an apple?” I said “of course. You know you can always get an apple.”  

She says “did I say apple? I meant cookie!”

 
My 10 year old at the dinner table over having to do something after dinner: "Jesus Christ!" 

I guess lately I've said it a few too many times around them, we're not even religious. :bag:

 
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Lehigh98 said:
My 10 year old at the dinner table over having to do something after dinner: "Jesus Christ!" 

I guess lately I've said it a few too many times around them, we're not even religious. :bag:
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My 4yr old grandson has picked up my Cheese and Rice version! Daughter in law thought it was cute......for about a minute

 
Last night I took 4,5,7, and our exchange kid and two friends out for a fun time. 4,5, exchange kid, and one friend are all 13-15yo boys. As we are driving home they are just roasting each other. Being rogish and rude and vile and base. Typical teen boy stuff. So I say “I hate teen boys and I hate boy stuff!” 

#5, 14yo, says “there’s one boy thing you like!”

i tried not to laugh. I failed 

 
Clown Car said:
Last night I took 4,5,7, and our exchange kid and two friends out for a fun time. 4,5, exchange kid, and one friend are all 13-15yo boys. As we are driving home they are just roasting each other. Being rogish and rude and vile and base. Typical teen boy stuff. So I say “I hate teen boys and I hate boy stuff!” 

#5, 14yo, says “there’s one boy thing you like!”

i tried not to laugh. I failed 
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:shock:   :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

 
headed to N.C. for family vacation.  Wife has a tape fetish where she is always playing with tape.  Couple minutes in the wife starts farting, after about the third time my 8 year old goes "seriously Dad could you place some of that duct tape on Moms butt!"  I tell him " it's a darn good idea!"  For the next few hours he's yelling jokingly to put tape on her butt every time she farts.  should've listened to him!

 
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My 6yo shouted this gem from two rooms away just as I was heading out the door while leaving him with a new babysitter for the 1st time... 

"I promise I won't show her my dong!"

(Yes, he meant his Mr. Wang)

 
My 7yo just got an alarm clock that wakes him up (previously we had one that would turn a light on when it was OK to get up... he had to stay quiet in his room until then).  He also has one of those beds that's like a bunkbed with no bottom bunk so he has to climb down a ladder to get to his alarm clock.

Yesterday, as I'm on a call for work in the next room I hear his alarm clock go off and then I hear a loud bang as he clearly ran into something in his room.  Followed by a, "OOOOWWWW MY PENIS!!!!".  Apparently he somehow managed to walk into the corner of his dresser penis first.  Luckily for me, I was on mute on the work call or else both his yell, and my laughing would have been heard by 20 other people and I never would have heard the end of it.

 
We went to an 80th birthday party today for a woman at our church. We pull up to the church because that’s where the party was. It’s a typical southern style church with sanctuary and fellowship hall.

#9 says “is the party on the side where God is or where the food is?”

 
11yo Floppinho had a tween theater camp, with performances of scenes at the end. He excitedly tells us that one of the kids in the camp (only about a dozen total) said he thought a girl in floppinhos scene looked like a stripper.

First of all, he has no idea what a stripper even is..so I ask him

- oh really, in what way?

- (looking at me like I'm an idiot for not knowing) because of her fish legs.

- :lol: fishnet stockings?

- huh?

 
Years ago, I was listening to a George Carlin special and he referred to Jesus and the disciples as JC and the Boys.  Well, I started doing that for a while and I guess it stuck in my daughters head.

Last week, at church, our Pastor asked my (now 14-year-old daughter) what she like most about church.   

Her reply "hanging with JC and the Boys".  I laughed my ### off, got the look from my wife, and had to explain to our Pastor.

 
I was watching a video of my friend’s daughters wedding. #9 (6yo) was watching the bride come down the aisle and she says “oh she’s so beautiful! It’s like watching me in the future!”

 
I was cooking and someone left there trike in the middle of the kitchen. I hollered someone come get this out of here. 

#10, 3yo hollers back “no I put that in there to stay FOREVER (then echoes quieter and quieter) Forever forever {forever}

 
I was cooking and someone left there trike in the middle of the kitchen. I hollered someone come get this out of here. 

#10, 3yo hollers back “no I put that in there to stay FOREVER (then echoes quieter and quieter) Forever forever {forever}

 
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