What's new
Fantasy Football - Footballguys Forums

This is a sample guest message. Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!

Funny things your kid has said (6 Viewers)

Today I went in my bathroom to find tampons, wrappers, and applicators open, torn, shredded, and thrown around all over the floor. So I called in #11 (3yo) to help me figure out what happened. 

Me: so what happened here?

Him: yeah. Lucky and dodger did this!

Me: really? The dogs opened the closet door, opened the drawer, opened the box, and opened all the things?

Him: yeah, yeah they did. 

 
This might be “you have to see it” to appreciate it, but #11 (3yo) likes to sing along to my new musical obsession, “Hadestown”. In this one song the guy sings out “wait for me, I’m coming with you!”  

#11 sings “wait for me, me coming mif you!!”

I just love it but can’t record while playing music. 

 
This isn’t ha ha funny. But more “where did I go wrong” funny. None of the chores I asked them to do while I took #5 to the orthodontist. #6,7,8, and 9 each replied when asked why not, “I forgot”.

i find it funny that they all forgot. 

 
We go to this pizza place and my husband wants this meat lovers special. I don’t but I ask if we can get half that way then half just pepperoni and mushroom. I started to say manly pizza. But I mixed it up and said “man meat lover” pizza. 

So when it came out half and half, I asked #9 if she wanted a man lover piece. She said no, she wanted the girl lover kind!

 
We are at our statewide homeschool convention this week and we were walking through the vendor hall. One lady I was talking to noticed #8 (8yo) and his beautiful eyes and exceedingly long eyelashes. She said “I have pay someone $180 to glue on lashes so I can look half that good” 

He said “wow, I didn’t have to pay anything, I just came out like this.”  

 
Conversation last night:

Me: I think this is the season finale

10yo: When does it come back on?

Me: Probably September

10yo: What? no!  I'll be in 5th grade by then, I can't wait that long!!!!

 
We got a Beta fish for our girls (ages 4 and 7) for Christmas. First family pet.  They named it Ted.   :lmao:   Long story short, Ted died today.  Both girls were surprisingly heartbroken.  Our seven year old A wanted to FaceTime with her best friend E.  

A:  E, I have some bad news. Ted died.
E. (sighs) Yikes. I’m sorry to hear that.
A. Will you come over tomorrow to help us bury him?
E. Sure (pause) (pause) (pause) should I bring a shovel? 
A. (Pause) Yes...that would be helpful.

:lmao:

 
Last edited by a moderator:
We had some decent thunderstorms roll through Long Island last night.
3yo daughter was up late watching the storm with me when a fairly large bolt struck mighty close, with resulting thunder not far behind.

She turned to me and said, "Wow, that one made my peepees want to come out."

 
Last edited by a moderator:
So last night the kid and i were enjoying some shows and goofing around.  She said something that made me laugh (don't remember what and it probably wasn't thread worthy).  So I told her about this thread:

Me: You always give me good things to put in the funny things kids say post.

Her: You post things I say?

Me: Yeah when they are funny.

Her: Like what have you posted?

Me: A few things, recently about going to the park to get your wiggles out

Her: Oh (pause.......) How many Likes did I get?

Me: LOL.  A few

Her:  Good.

 
We recently joined a pool because we love to swim and my neighbor who gave me carte blanche to use her pool just sold her house. The new pool has a large normal pool and a nice little kiddie pool. Yesterday we were loading up to go to the pool and #10 (4yo) says are we going to mrs Helens or the one with the cat pool? It took a few questions to realize he heard kiddie pool as kitty pool. 

 
B Maverick said:
So last night the kid and i were enjoying some shows and goofing around.  She said something that made me laugh (don't remember what and it probably wasn't thread worthy).  So I told her about this thread:

Me: You always give me good things to put in the funny things kids say post.

Her: You post things I say?

Me: Yeah when they are funny.

Her: Like what have you posted?

Me: A few things, recently about going to the park to get your wiggles out

Her: Oh (pause.......) How many Likes did I get?

Me: LOL.  A few

Her:  Good.
Click to expand...
My middle kids know about this thread and when they say something funny I will tell them I’m going to put that here. 

 
I was grilling for fathers day, and walking around the house asking people what they wanted from the butcher shop.  Both my boys love steak, but don't really know what cut is their favorite.  I ask my 17 year old what he wants (steak), and then ask him does he care what kind?

His response: I don't care.  I like my steak like I like my women, big and cheap.

 
#4 (16yo) and his two friends just left to staff summer encampment with civil air patrol. Before they went I told them all to make sure they never found themselves alone with a younger cadet or a female and to keep their hands to themselves. Be above reproach. Then I said “ok have fun!”

my son says “well now we can’t”

 
Went out for a run late yesterday afternoon. It's hotter than blazes here, so decided to run without a shirt on. I rarely do this. Here is the conversation that went down with my 13 year old. He is sitting in the house goofing with his phone.

Me: I think I'll run without a shirt on.

Son: OK.

Me: Does that embarrass you - me running through the neighborhood with no shirt?

Son: No.

Me: Why not?

Son: Because you aren't here. 

 
Last edited by a moderator:
My conversation with #11 (3yo) just now:

11: penis
Me: no
11: penis 
Me: no
11: penis!
Me: no
11: butt!!!!!!!
Me: Hahahaha 

 
10yo has been experiencing headaches lately.  And she hates taking medicine (which may turn out to be good)....

her: I have a headache

me: Anything I can do?

her: no, i dont think so

me: I dont have any medicine to help and you wouldnt take it anyway, so...

her: You know me so well.

 
Ice cream in our house can create some competition and hostile interactions.  It's a constant battle to make sure no one is eating too much and not leaving enough for others.  So, my 6 yo daughter came home in the early evening from gymnastics while her brother and I were home.  Sitting next to my spot on the couch is an empty bowl of ice cream that I had just finished eating.  My son was in the kitchen finishing his bowl.  It was the last of the ice cream.  Then this ensued:

Daughter:  "I want some ice cream too"

Son:  "There's no more left"

Daughter (looking glaringly at him and then at my empty bowl):  "That's not fair.  I don't ever get ice cream"

She turns to head upstairs and as she walks by her brother, she mutters "Idiot"

Me:  "Stop.  Come back and tell me what you said"

Daughter:  "Idiot"

Me:  "You better apologize to your brother"

Daughter:  "I was talking to both of you"

Me:  :lmao:

 
Last edited by a moderator:
We haven't been camping in a few years and my 8YO doesn't remember ever going.  I took him out with my brother, two cousins, and all their kids this last weekend and he loved it.  The last day he and I were both up before everyone else and had this conversation:

KanilJr: Dad, I really like camping.  We should do it more often.

Me: Oh really?  What was your favorite part?

KanilJr: It's just nice to not have any responsibilities.

Me: :lol:  you're right bud.  You're right.

 
A little imagination needed in order for this to work in written form...

Yesterday my wife sent me a video of our 2.5 year old asking to watch something specific on TV. She's been watching a whole lot of Peppa Pig, and I'm sure most here are at least a bit familiar with this British cartoon.

So the video shows my daughter continuing to ask to watch "baby Alexander" who is Peppa's cousin. But she's saying it with this drawn out "baby Alexaaaahhhhhndaahhh" over and over again. "I want baby Alexaaaahhhhhhhhhndaaaaah"...

This kid is speaking with an absolutely perfect British accent. 

 
gianmarco said:
Ice cream in our house can create some competition and hostile interactions.  It's a constant battle to make sure no one is eating too much and not leaving enough for others.  So, my 6 yo daughter came home in the early evening from gymnastics while her brother and I were home.  Sitting next to my spot on the couch is an empty bowl of ice cream that I had just finished eating.  My son was in the kitchen finishing his bowl.  It was the last of the ice cream.  Then this ensued:

Daughter:  "I want some ice cream too"

Son:  "There's no more left"

Daughter (looking glaringly at him and then at my empty bowl):  "That's not fair.  I don't ever get ice cream"

She turns to head upstairs and as she walks by her brother, she mutters "Idiot"

Me:  "Stop.  Come back and tell me what you said"

Daughter:  "Idiot"

Me:  "You better apologize to your brother"

Daughter:  "I was talking to both of you"

Me:  :lmao:
Click to expand...
God help me.  This 6 year old girl is going to be the death of me.

She goes upstairs, and after a few minutes, comes back down.  She's wearing a pair of jeans, a kind of cut-off shirt/bathing suit top so her belly is fully showing, hair all done up, and is walking down the stairs with this look like she's the ####.

Me:  (just shaking my head with a smirk at what I'm looking at and not saying a word)

Her:  "What?  I'm pretty?"

 
gianmarco said:
Ice cream in our house can create some competition and hostile interactions.  It's a constant battle to make sure no one is eating too much and not leaving enough for others.  So, my 6 yo daughter came home in the early evening from gymnastics while her brother and I were home.  Sitting next to my spot on the couch is an empty bowl of ice cream that I had just finished eating.  My son was in the kitchen finishing his bowl.  It was the last of the ice cream.  Then this ensued:

Daughter:  "I want some ice cream too"

Son:  "There's no more left"

Daughter (looking glaringly at him and then at my empty bowl):  "That's not fair.  I don't ever get ice cream"

She turns to head upstairs and as she walks by her brother, she mutters "Idiot"

Me:  "Stop.  Come back and tell me what you said"

Daughter:  "Idiot"

Me:  "You better apologize to your brother"

Daughter:  "I was talking to both of you"

Me:  :lmao:
Click to expand...
She'd get a week suspension around these parts for that kind of talk. :oldunsure:

 
I’m in the McDonald’s drive through. I ask for a double hamburger no pickle. She says double cheeseburger no pickle. I said no a double hamburger no pickle. She says ma’am we don’t have a double hamburger. I said ok may I please have a double cheeseburger no cheese no pickle. She’s says ok. 

#6 (12yo) just busted up laughing and says “oh you beat the system!”  I was his hero for a day. 

 
My wife and daughter came back to the car after running into Target.  Both red faced, teary eyed and laughing.  I asked what happened and my wife said that my daughter yelled to her from about 100 yards away in the store, "Don't forget dad said he needed Viagra!!!!"

Needless to say, they did not get the Visine I had asked for. 

 
Clown Car said:
I’m in the McDonald’s drive through. I ask for a double hamburger no pickle. She says double cheeseburger no pickle. I said no a double hamburger no pickle. She says ma’am we don’t have a double hamburger. I said ok may I please have a double cheeseburger no cheese no pickle. She’s says ok. 

#6 (12yo) just busted up laughing and says “oh you beat the system!”  I was his hero for a day. 
Click to expand...
The kid's comments make me laugh.

The McDs worker's intelligence makes me weep 

 
Clown Car said:
I’m in the McDonald’s drive through. I ask for a double hamburger no pickle. She says double cheeseburger no pickle. I said no a double hamburger no pickle. She says ma’am we don’t have a double hamburger. I said ok may I please have a double cheeseburger no cheese no pickle. She’s says ok. 

#6 (12yo) just busted up laughing and says “oh you beat the system!”  I was his hero for a day. 
Click to expand...
Remembering that Nicholson diner scene in 'Five Easy Pieces' when I read this.

 
Just this morning with my 7yo son.

Son: Dad, do you remember all the sweet break dancing moves I used to do?

Me: [with no recollection of said break dancing moves] I sure do buddy.

Son: Well, I can't do them anymore because my legs hurt.

Me:  :oldunsure:

 
My 8-year old has grown out of it, but the 6-year old boy still says "mines" instead of "mine" or "my".

Example:
8-year old:  my ice cream is chocolate

6-year old:  mines is vanilla!

-----

He also says "lellow" instead of "yellow".

Was just thinking of the rugrats since they're now in Louisiana for 10 long days.... miss them already.

 
nirad3 said:
My 8-year old has grown out of it, but the 6-year old boy still says "mines" instead of "mine" or "my".

Example:
8-year old:  my ice cream is chocolate

6-year old:  mines is vanilla!

-----

He also says "lellow" instead of "yellow".

Was just thinking of the rugrats since they're now in Louisiana for 10 long days.... miss them already.
Click to expand...
I hate when they grow out of cute language errors. My #11 (3yo) says me instead of I every time. And I love it. 

 
Clown Car said:
I hate when they grow out of cute language errors. My #11 (3yo) says me instead of I every time. And I love it. 
Click to expand...
8yo floppinha just called something the "mediumist".

12yo floppinho continues with words that sound right, but just aren't. He was jubilating over the weekend about going to sleepaway camp for the first time.

 
This happened at Sunday dinner. We have everyone who can come for dinner on Sundays. All my kids, the girlfriend/boyfriends of theirs, my bil. And this week, because his wife and kids were gone, I invited our pastor for dinner.

#10 (4.5yo) shouts “the penis toy has fallen from the roof!”

They had this long, pink, sticky thing that would stick to the walls or ceiling. Over the time we’ve had it pieces of it have torn off and it was just a 3 inch piece of this foam that someone had tossed up to the ceiling. And it came unstuck and fell during dinner. 

The pastor was our friend before he was our pastor and he has 3 boys so he knows penis is a pretty common word in conversation. But it was pretty funny. 

 
At the pool, boys are playing squirt guns. #10 (4yo) says to #6 (12yo) “I’m going to shoot you!” 6 replies “if you do, I’ll tell mom”. 

10 says “no you won’t, you’ll be dead!”

 
Doing some family stuff for my mothers bday.  My daughter and I are out with my sister and bro in law and mom.  We are out near where my bro in law grew up.

Bro in Law to my Daughter "You know Ramona was once the turkey capital of the world"

Daughter "What happened, Thanksgiving?"

:micdrop:

:lmao:

 
I still love it that my almost-7 year old boy pronounces "yellow"... "lellow".  It's not quite as obvious as it was a couple years ago but it's still cute and funny.  

 
My 10 year old daughter in the backseat of the car as I'm pulling out of the driveway randomly blurts out:

VAGINA

I ask her what did you say? Vagina?  Yes. Do you know what that means? No. Why did you say it? I don't know. Did you hear it in school or something? No, I don't know why I said it. I informed her it was another named for her bottom or private parts and she was really???

Just had to be there.

 
cap'n grunge said:
My 10 year old daughter in the backseat of the car as I'm pulling out of the driveway randomly blurts out:

VAGINA

I ask her what did you say? Vagina?  Yes. Do you know what that means? No. Why did you say it? I don't know. Did you hear it in school or something? No, I don't know why I said it. I informed her it was another named for her bottom or private parts and she was really???

Just had to be there.
Click to expand...
Bottom?

 
I was talking with #9 (7yof) and told her that Carrie Fischer died the day after her mother. She said that’s terrible, but then says “at least you could tell me what heaven is like. Through the lady who plays you in the movie. I’m not dying”

 
cap'n grunge said:
My 10 year old daughter in the backseat of the car as I'm pulling out of the driveway randomly blurts out:

VAGINA

I ask her what did you say? Vagina?  Yes. Do you know what that means? No. Why did you say it? I don't know. Did you hear it in school or something? No, I don't know why I said it. I informed her it was another named for her bottom or private parts and she was really???

Just had to be there.
Click to expand...
I'm somewhat appalled that your 10 year old doesn't know what that word means.  

 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

Anarchy99
Random Things You've Found While Looking For Something Else
Replies
1
Views
173
rockaction
rockaction
Joe Bryant
My Father In Law
Replies
41
Views
780
jm192
jm192
Nigel
My son...Officer Candidates School??
Replies
25
Views
440
Kanil
Kanil

Users who are viewing this thread

Total: 5 (members: 0, guests: 5)
Back
Top