Funny things your kid has said (5 Viewers)

[bdphifer]

Not sure if this is a honda, but my boys have taken to saying "Last one is a rockin' egg"

ETA: 4 y.o. and 5 y.o.

 

[Early_10]

2 yr old loves having his ears cleaned. His eyes roll up in his head and he almost falls asleep. Everytime he gets out of the bath he says "mommy, clean my ears!" I say okay and reach for the package of Q-tips. 2 yr old says "I'll get the two-tips." I let him take them out of the box while telling him "they're Q-tips, not TWO-tips."

5 yr old says "Mom, that doesn't even make sense. Show me the Q. "

Come to think of it, two-tip makes more sense.

 

[Shutterbug]

2 yr old loves having his ears cleaned. His eyes roll up in his head and he almost falls asleep. Everytime he gets out of the bath he says "mommy, clean my ears!" I say okay and reach for the package of Q-tips. 2 yr old says "I'll get the two-tips." I let him take them out of the box while telling him "they're Q-tips, not TWO-tips." 5 yr old says "Mom, that doesn't even make sense. Show me the Q. "Come to think of it, two-tip makes more sense.

That does make more sense. From now on I will be calling them two-tips.

 

[Shutterbug]

daughter: Yesterday Mya and I weren't friends, because we got in an argument. We are friends today, though, because we made up.

me: That is crazy, bug.

(interrupted by son) Mom, she is suppose to be crazy. She is a girl.

McKayla & mom:

son:

 

[Nathan R. Jessep]

daughter: Yesterday Mya and I weren't friends, because we got in an argument. We are friends today, though, because we made up.me: That is crazy, bug.(interrupted by son) Mom, she is suppose to be crazy. She is a girl. McKayla & mom: son:

the force is strong with this one

 

[Mrs. BSR]

daughter: Yesterday Mya and I weren't friends, because we got in an argument. We are friends today, though, because we made up.me: That is crazy, bug.(interrupted by son) Mom, she is suppose to be crazy. She is a girl. McKayla & mom: son:

Are you sure he hasn't been checking out FBG lately?

 

[Shutterbug]

daughter: Yesterday Mya and I weren't friends, because we got in an argument. We are friends today, though, because we made up.me: That is crazy, bug.(interrupted by son) Mom, she is suppose to be crazy. She is a girl. McKayla & mom: son:

the force is strong with this one

When he was he should have been .

 

[Shutterbug]

daughter: Yesterday Mya and I weren't friends, because we got in an argument. We are friends today, though, because we made up.me: That is crazy, bug.(interrupted by son) Mom, she is suppose to be crazy. She is a girl. McKayla & mom: son:

Are you sure he hasn't been checking out FBG lately?

I think it is mancode.

 

[McJose]

daughter: Yesterday Mya and I weren't friends, because we got in an argument. We are friends today, though, because we made up.me: That is crazy, bug.(interrupted by son) Mom, she is suppose to be crazy. She is a girl. McKayla & mom: son:

the force is strong with this one

When he was he should have been .

You'd punish your kid for being right?

 

[Shutterbug]

daughter: Yesterday Mya and I weren't friends, because we got in an argument. We are friends today, though, because we made up.me: That is crazy, bug.(interrupted by son) Mom, she is suppose to be crazy. She is a girl. McKayla & mom: son:

the force is strong with this one

When he was he should have been .

You'd punish your kid for being right?

I did not punish him.

 

[McJose]

daughter: Yesterday Mya and I weren't friends, because we got in an argument. We are friends today, though, because we made up.me: That is crazy, bug.(interrupted by son) Mom, she is suppose to be crazy. She is a girl. McKayla & mom: son:

the force is strong with this one

When he was he should have been .

You'd punish your kid for being right?

I did not punish him.

McKennley = book smartOl Trev = worldly

 

[Bob Sacamano]

daughter: Yesterday Mya and I weren't friends, because we got in an argument. We are friends today, though, because we made up.me: That is crazy, bug.(interrupted by son) Mom, she is suppose to be crazy. She is a girl. McKayla & mom: son:

the force is strong with this one

When he was he should have been :X .

You'd punish your kid for being right?

I did not punish him.

McKennley = book smartOl Trev = worldly

A $2 whore = worldlyTrev = wise beyond his years

 

[Shutterbug]

daughter: Yesterday Mya and I weren't friends, because we got in an argument. We are friends today, though, because we made up.me: That is crazy, bug.(interrupted by son) Mom, she is suppose to be crazy. She is a girl. McKayla & mom: son:

the force is strong with this one

When he was he should have been :X .

You'd punish your kid for being right?

I did not punish him.

McKennley = book smartOl Trev = worldly

McKayla: Book smartTrev: lots of common sense

 

[Shutterbug]

Before lunch:

Me: Trev, you about ready to go to lunch?

Trev: You aren't going like that are you?

(I am sporting a pullover hoodie and running pants with my hair in a scrunci)

Me: What is wrong with the way I look? :grinning:

Trev: I don't want to be seen with you looking like that. Put some jeans on and do your hair at least.

Me: Oh, all right. If I must...

Trev: Let me know when you are beautiful again, and then we can go.

 

[snogger]

for my wife and I.. Not so for my Brother In-law.

We were out to dinner with family and my nephew, who is 5, was trying to leave the table to go play a video game when this conversation took place:

Brother In-Law: "I'm not talking to you yet"

Nephew: "Oh, You ARE done talking to me" and he walked away.

Wife and I .. Holding back the while brother in-law had a look.

 

[Nathan R. Jessep]

Before lunch:Me: Trev, you about ready to go to lunch?Trev: You aren't going like that are you?(I am sporting a pullover hoodie and running pants with my hair in a scrunci)Me: What is wrong with the way I look? :grinning:Trev: I don't want to be seen with you looking like that. Put some jeans on and do your hair at least. Me: Oh, all right. If I must... Trev: Let me know when you are beautiful again, and then we can go.

for my wife and I.. Not so for my Brother In-law.We were out to dinner with family and my nephew, who is 5, was trying to leave the table to go play a video game when this conversation took place:Brother In-Law: "I'm not talking to you yet"Nephew: "Oh, You ARE done talking to me" and he walked away.Wife and I .. Holding back the while brother in-law had a look.

 

[Prussian]

Before lunch:Me: Trev, you about ready to go to lunch?Trev: You aren't going like that are you?(I am sporting a pullover hoodie and running pants with my hair in a scrunci)Me: What is wrong with the way I look? :grinning:Trev: I don't want to be seen with you looking like that. Put some jeans on and do your hair at least. Me: Oh, all right. If I must... Trev: Let me know when you are beautiful again, and then we can go.

Talk about the Force being strong in a kid ... :jedimastertype:You better lock away the beer and the remote now. Catch him using terms like "jigglies" or puting his hand in his waistline on the couch and you're done!

 

[Standing Hampton]

Family on the way back from vacation last summer. 9 year old daughter and 6 year old son complaining that they can't sleep in the car because they aren't able to lie down. 4 year old in car seat says "oh yeah, all I can do is this".

Closes his eyes and turns his head to the right.

He also calls the baseball team in Philly the Sillies.

Same son opens fridge and points to Orange juice and says "my juice"

Points to beer bottle and says "daddy's juice".

That kid is a character.

 

[Shutterbug]

Before lunch:

Me: Trev, you about ready to go to lunch?

Trev: You aren't going like that are you?

(I am sporting a pullover hoodie and running pants with my hair in a scrunci)

Me: What is wrong with the way I look? :grinning:

Trev: I don't want to be seen with you looking like that. Put some jeans on and do your hair at least.

Me: Oh, all right. If I must...

Trev: Let me know when you are beautiful again, and then we can go.

Talk about the Force being strong in a kid ... :jedimastertype:You better lock away the beer and the remote now. Catch him using terms like "jigglies" or puting his hand in his waistline on the couch and you're done!

Funny you should say that.

 

[Prussian]

Before lunch:

Me: Trev, you about ready to go to lunch?

Trev: You aren't going like that are you?

(I am sporting a pullover hoodie and running pants with my hair in a scrunci)

Me: What is wrong with the way I look? :grinning:

Trev: I don't want to be seen with you looking like that. Put some jeans on and do your hair at least.

Me: Oh, all right. If I must...

Trev: Let me know when you are beautiful again, and then we can go.

Talk about the Force being strong in a kid ... :jedimastertype:You better lock away the beer and the remote now. Catch him using terms like "jigglies" or puting his hand in his waistline on the couch and you're done!

Funny you should say that.

Oh yeah ... You're done!He's just missing a little drool and the remote.

Things to look for now:

"No mom, it's not a girl in my room. It's the TV."

"Ummm Trev? Where's my beer from the fridge?"

Motorcycle is out of gas ...

Great kid ...

 

[Shutterbug]

Before lunch:

Me: Trev, you about ready to go to lunch?

Trev: You aren't going like that are you?

(I am sporting a pullover hoodie and running pants with my hair in a scrunci)

Me: What is wrong with the way I look? :grinning:

Trev: I don't want to be seen with you looking like that. Put some jeans on and do your hair at least.

Me: Oh, all right. If I must...

Trev: Let me know when you are beautiful again, and then we can go.

Talk about the Force being strong in a kid ... :jedimastertype:You better lock away the beer and the remote now. Catch him using terms like "jigglies" or puting his hand in his waistline on the couch and you're done!

Funny you should say that.

Oh yeah ... You're done!He's just missing a little drool and the remote.

Things to look for now:

"No mom, it's not a girl in my room. It's the TV."

"Ummm Trev? Where's my beer from the fridge?"

Motorcycle is out of gas ...

Great kid ...

Remote has been missing for 3 days.I do not drink beer. No worries there.

He already wants a motorcycle. There is a little girl in our neighborhood that has one of those mini motorcycles. So Trev tells me "See, they make them for my size." He said that a couple days after he told me he needs to learn how to do wheelies on his new bike. I might as well make his reservations with the ER now.

 

[GamerBoy61]

My 5 year old daughter came in the house with a hand full of dandelions...

"Mom, why don't they call them dandetigers??"

 

[Judge Smails]

OK, older than most.

My 16 year old daughter had her second laproscopic procedure to correct issues with her stomach. All is good now.

So they give her a lot of fluids via IV. Several hours after the surgery, the nurse tells my daughter that she needs to try and go to the bathroom to get rid of some of the excess fluids. She tries, doesn't work. Mind you, she is still heavily medicated. I mean out of it. The nurse then says she'll give her a few more hours before they would have to use a catheter. My daughter does not know what a catheter is. I lean over and tell her what it is.

She blurts out at 100 decibel levels "I DON'T WANT TO LOSE MY VIRGINITY TO A TUBE"

We were rolling...And relieved. Morphine is great truth serum.

 

[Shutterbug]

I have another from this morning. Not as funny, but still funny. Reminds me of when I was little.

My daughter seems to have issues sleeping in her own bed. I guess it is another phase. Well, She wanted to sleep in Trev's room last night.

McKayla: Can I sleep in here?

Trev: NO! You have your own bed.

McKayla: Please!!!!

Trev: (yelling by now) No!!! Get in your own bed!!!

Me: Alright you two. McKayla, get in your bed. There is no reason why you can't sleep in your own bed.

(all is quiet again)

This morning I wake them so they can get ready and McKayla is sleeping at the end of Trev's bed. So, I leave it alone for now and told them to get ready.

I am doing McKayla's hair and Trev comes in my bathroom.

Trev: Sissy, you still have to make my bed.

Me: Why does McKayla have to make your bed? That is your responsibility, bud.

Trev: She said last night if I let her sleep in my bed that she would make it for me. I said fine, but she had to sleep on the end.

Me: McKayla...... You sleep in your own bed from now on. Now go make his bed. A deal is a deal.

McKayla: :air leak: (Anyone that has a daughter knows what this air leak is. A noise she makes when upset.)

Trev: (follows her and makes sure she does it right)

McKayla: You don't have to watch me, you know. outing:

Trev: I like my pillow under my blanket.

McKayla: I'M DOING IT!

Trev: DO IT RIGHT!

Me: :laughing on the inside: Stop fighting and brush your teeth.

Trev decides to come show me his teeth after he brushes them...

Trev: See mom, all shiny. I tried to get them squeaky clean, but they just won't squeak. See? :rubs finger on front teeth:

Me: You are right, they are shiny and no squeaks. I think you did a good job, though.

Trev: :sticks out tongue: Brushed my tongue, too.

Me: That is great.

Never a dull moment in my house. He is a very funny kid.

 

[Sack-Religious]

OK, older than most.

My 16 year old daughter had her second laproscopic procedure to correct issues with her stomach. All is good now.

So they give her a lot of fluids via IV. Several hours after the surgery, the nurse tells my daughter that she needs to try and go to the bathroom to get rid of some of the excess fluids. She tries, doesn't work. Mind you, she is still heavily medicated. I mean out of it. The nurse then says she'll give her a few more hours before they would have to use a catheter. My daughter does not know what a catheter is. I lean over and tell her what it is.

She blurts out at 100 decibel levels "I DON'T WANT TO LOSE MY VIRGINITY TO A TUBE"

We were rolling...And relieved. Morphine is great truth serum.

 

[Shutterbug]

OK, older than most.

My 16 year old daughter had her second laproscopic procedure to correct issues with her stomach. All is good now.

So they give her a lot of fluids via IV. Several hours after the surgery, the nurse tells my daughter that she needs to try and go to the bathroom to get rid of some of the excess fluids. She tries, doesn't work. Mind you, she is still heavily medicated. I mean out of it. The nurse then says she'll give her a few more hours before they would have to use a catheter. My daughter does not know what a catheter is. I lean over and tell her what it is.

She blurts out at 100 decibel levels "I DON'T WANT TO LOSE MY VIRGINITY TO A TUBE"

We were rolling...And relieved. Morphine is great truth serum.

I am glad everything is good now, and glad your daughter is still pure. You did something right.

 

[Regular Crust Pizza]

My soon to be 4 year old turned on the TV and put Futurama on the other night. When I figured this out and turned it off he laughs and says " I.C. Wiener ".I have caught him several times since then talking to himself " I.C. Wiener ".ETALooks like it is time to figure out how those parental controls work.

 

[SuperJohn96]

I have another from this morning. Not as funny, but still funny. Reminds me of when I was little.

My daughter seems to have issues sleeping in her own bed. I guess it is another phase. Well, She wanted to sleep in Trev's room last night.

McKayla: Can I sleep in here?

Trev: NO! You have your own bed.

McKayla: Please!!!!

Trev: (yelling by now) No!!! Get in your own bed!!!

Me: Alright you two. McKayla, get in your bed. There is no reason why you can't sleep in your own bed.

(all is quiet again)

This morning I wake them so they can get ready and McKayla is sleeping at the end of Trev's bed. So, I leave it alone for now and told them to get ready.

I am doing McKayla's hair and Trev comes in my bathroom.

Trev: Sissy, you still have to make my bed.

Me: Why does McKayla have to make your bed? That is your responsibility, bud.

Trev: She said last night if I let her sleep in my bed that she would make it for me. I said fine, but she had to sleep on the end.

Me: McKayla...... You sleep in your own bed from now on. Now go make his bed. A deal is a deal.

McKayla: :air leak: (Anyone that has a daughter knows what this air leak is. A noise she makes when upset.)

Trev: (follows her and makes sure she does it right)

McKayla: You don't have to watch me, you know. outing:

Trev: I like my pillow under my blanket.

McKayla: I'M DOING IT!

Trev: DO IT RIGHT!

Me: :laughing on the inside: Stop fighting and brush your teeth.

Trev decides to come show me his teeth after he brushes them...

Trev: See mom, all shiny. I tried to get them squeaky clean, but they just won't squeak. See? :rubs finger on front teeth:

Me: You are right, they are shiny and no squeaks. I think you did a good job, though.

Trev: :sticks out tongue: Brushed my tongue, too.

Me: That is great.

Never a dull moment in my house. He is a very funny kid.

The Force IS strong with this one.Next time, he's gonna show her his pimp hand.

 

[Bob Henry]

After watching Alvin and the Chipmunks, she likes to blurt out "bom chicka bom bom".. oooof.

 

[Nathan R. Jessep]

After watching Alvin and the Chipmunks, she likes to blurt out "bom chicka bom bom".. oooof.

I'm right there with you. Mine do this, and the oldest argues with the youngest that he's saying it wrong.

 

[The foo]

I was at the toy store with my 3 year old and we walked by this huge dude that size of out of shape left tackle. She waks by him looks back at me says, "Daddy is he i giant?" I pretend i dont hear her, and she says it again loud enough for half the isle to hear us. At that point we were safely out of arms way and i cracked up.

 

[Early_10]

OK, older than most.

My 16 year old daughter had her second laproscopic procedure to correct issues with her stomach. All is good now.

So they give her a lot of fluids via IV. Several hours after the surgery, the nurse tells my daughter that she needs to try and go to the bathroom to get rid of some of the excess fluids. She tries, doesn't work. Mind you, she is still heavily medicated. I mean out of it. The nurse then says she'll give her a few more hours before they would have to use a catheter. My daughter does not know what a catheter is. I lean over and tell her what it is.

She blurts out at 100 decibel levels "I DON'T WANT TO LOSE MY VIRGINITY TO A TUBE"

We were rolling...And relieved. Morphine is great truth serum.

 

[SuperJohn96]

My 1 year old calls my Brother in-law Jimmy "Mimi".

Which is great cuz he hates this.

...Uncle Mimi....

 

[Verbal Kint]

OK, older than most.

My 16 year old daughter had her second laproscopic procedure to correct issues with her stomach. All is good now.

So they give her a lot of fluids via IV. Several hours after the surgery, the nurse tells my daughter that she needs to try and go to the bathroom to get rid of some of the excess fluids. She tries, doesn't work. Mind you, she is still heavily medicated. I mean out of it. The nurse then says she'll give her a few more hours before they would have to use a catheter. My daughter does not know what a catheter is. I lean over and tell her what it is.

She blurts out at 100 decibel levels "I DON'T WANT TO LOSE MY VIRGINITY TO A TUBE"

We were rolling...And relieved. Morphine is great truth serum.

Awesome.

 

[skillz]

I was driving in my car with my three year old son when out of the blue he asks me "Daddy where did all the snow go?" (We live in Michigan).

I told him "the snow has all melted into water and has gone away."

His response: "The snow is missing then. We better go find it and bring it back."

It was a pretty funny and random comment for him to make. Their little minds are always working that's for sure.

 

[St. Louis Bob]

OK, older than most.

My 16 year old daughter had her second laproscopic procedure to correct issues with her stomach. All is good now.

So they give her a lot of fluids via IV. Several hours after the surgery, the nurse tells my daughter that she needs to try and go to the bathroom to get rid of some of the excess fluids. She tries, doesn't work. Mind you, she is still heavily medicated. I mean out of it. The nurse then says she'll give her a few more hours before they would have to use a catheter. My daughter does not know what a catheter is. I lean over and tell her what it is.

She blurts out at 100 decibel levels "I DON'T WANT TO LOSE MY VIRGINITY TO A TUBE"

We were rolling...And relieved. Morphine is great truth serum.

Awesome.

 

[St. Louis Bob]

I get up with my oldest this morning and he wants something to eat. Fine. I get dressed to take a walk and the wife says she is getting up in a minute. So we go downstairs, I make him a bowl of cereal and put Mickey Mouse on TV for him.

Cal: Dad, where are you going?

Me: I'm going for a walk.

Cal: Ok, come back alright. (His version of goodbye.)

I take the dog for a walk and come back. The first thing I notice is that the Beatles are on TV now, then that the kitchen trash can is on the fire place. (I always put the remotes on top of the mantle so the boys can't get them.) He is sitting in MY chair now, DVD remote in hand.

Me: Cal, where's Mommy?!

Cal: Probably upstairs sleeping still.

Me: Cal, you shouldn't have climbed up on the trash can like that. You could have fallen and gotten very hurt.

Cal: It's alright. I didn't fall. I'm fine.

Me: No, what I meant was...

Cal: HEY!! Here comes Hard Day's Night!! :hitsplay:

Me:

 

[DoubleG]

Grandmother (my M.I.L.) to 2 year old (whom she's babysitting that night) while we are all eating dinner together:

"You're going to bed by 8:00 tonight."

2 year old: "You wanna bet?"

Me, wife, his 12 year old brother, and 11 year old sister

M.I.L.

2 year old

I love that little boy

One other one he (the 2 year old) said a few days ago (he's learning the difference between boys and girls - my wife is a nurse, so, of course he gets to learn biologically correct terms at a very young age) Announced at dinner completely randomly :

"I have a penis, my brother has a penis, Daddy has a penis, Darth Vader has a penis and Darth Maul has a penis."

Everyone tried to be but after about 2 seconds we all just

 

[Captain Quinoa]

5 y.o. son to my wife: Mommy, you don't look as fat with your shirt on.

 

[Worm]

Grandmother (my M.I.L.) to 2 year old (whom she's babysitting that night) while we are all eating dinner together: "You're going to bed by 8:00 tonight."2 year old: "You wanna bet?"Me, wife, his 12 year old brother, and 11 year old sister M.I.L. 2 year old I love that little boy One other one he (the 2 year old) said a few days ago (he's learning the difference between boys and girls - my wife is a nurse, so, of course he gets to learn biologically correct terms at a very young age) Announced at dinner completely randomly :"I have a penis, my brother has a penis, Daddy has a penis, Darth Vader has a penis and Darth Maul has a penis."Everyone tried to be but after about 2 seconds we all just

at both of those

 

[Chewbanks]

AAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!

 

[GTBilly]

5 y.o. son to my wife: Mommy, you don't look as fat with your shirt on.

 

[TommyGilmore]

One other one he (the 2 year old) said a few days ago (he's learning the difference between boys and girls - my wife is a nurse, so, of course he gets to learn biologically correct terms at a very young age) Announced at dinner completely randomly :"I have a penis, my brother has a penis, Daddy has a penis, Darth Vader has a penis and Darth Maul has a penis."Everyone tried to be but after about 2 seconds we all just

Darth Maul

 

[Bob Henry]

After watching Alvin and the Chipmunks, she likes to blurt out "bom chicka bom bom".. oooof.

I'm right there with you. Mine do this, and the oldest argues with the youngest that he's saying it wrong.

That is funny. I try to say it purposefully in other ways and she calls me on it completely. You're not saying it right, daddy!!

 

[jdoggydogg]

My three year old nephew said this awhile back, and it makes me guffaw:

Mrs. Dogg: "Timmy, who usually watches you when your mom and dad are out?"

Timmy: "Monsters."

 

[St. Louis Bob]

AAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!

 

[Gangster]

My cousin calls my 3yr old "fat" (he is not fat) and he replies with "FAT, I'm not Brittany!" (Brittany is his 16yr old "unhappy" sister)

 

[ElvisMonster]

After watching Alvin and the Chipmunks, she likes to blurt out "bom chicka bom bom".. oooof.

My son started doing that recently. Had no idea where he'd picked it up. My wife thought he was saying "brown chicken, brown cow".

 

[Kal El]

5 y.o. son to my wife: Mommy, you don't look as fat with your shirt on.

The Force is strong in this one as well, but he will need to keep his mouth shut if he ever expects to enjoy the benefits.

 

[St. Louis Bob]

I took my son to the Cards game last week for his 4th birthday.

Later in the game this vendor, who looked about 16, comes down the aisle selling hot chocolate & peanuts.

So it went like this...

Vendor: "HOT CHOCOLATE, PEANUTS!!" (Walks past our seats down the aisle)

Cal: (To me) Hey! Those aren't peanuts! That's lemonade!

Me: Oh really?

Cal: Yeah!

Vendor: (Walking back up the aisle) "HOT CHOCOLATE, PEANUTS!!"

Cal: (To Vendor) HEY!!! THOSE AREN'T PEANUTS! THAT'S LEMONADE!!

Vendor:

Vendor:

Vendor:

Vendor: Um, I have peanuts here in the bag.

Cal: Oh.