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GM's Thread About Everything/GM's Thread About Nothing (14 Viewers)
- Thread starter General Malaise
- Start date
Henry Ford
Footballguy
College freshmen were born in 1996-1997, right? I don't trust anyone born after Monica Lewinsky last dry cleaned the blue dress.
Uruk-Hai
Footballguy
I've had a lifelong battle with batteries. I always have a million of them in a drawer, but am constantly one short no matter what size I need. I did a ####-load of consolidating the last couple of weeks. Just had a hands-free soap dispenser arrive that takes 4 AAA batteries. Guess how many I have? Anyone have a contraption that needs C or 9V batteries? I have more of those than Costco.
Finally met with a surgeon yesterday to cut the rotten gall bladder out of me. He was hilarious. "Now listen, when the girl signs you up tell her that you want to be at earliest the 3rd of the day; it takes me a couple to warm up." Anyway, 10-27 is the date.
Finally met with a surgeon yesterday to cut the rotten gall bladder out of me. He was hilarious. "Now listen, when the girl signs you up tell her that you want to be at earliest the 3rd of the day; it takes me a couple to warm up." Anyway, 10-27 is the date.
Uruk-Hai
Footballguy
El Floppo
Footballguy
Fullback Fro
yesno
Nothing compares . . . . . . . . to you
cosjobs
Footballguy
How dangerous is this operation? Should we have a massive cornhole between now and then, just in case.
Homer J Simpson
I don't push
Watching World War Z again. Would like to bang the one-handed Isreali soldier girl.
Homer J Simpson
I don't push
Officer Pete Malloy
Footballguy
Binky The Doormat
Footballguy
Good luck UH - I have a friend that went through it - and it went just fine. Can still have a drink for you though.
Doctor Detroit
Please remove your headgear
My buddy started dating this new chick recently so I looked at her Facebook profile, and saw her in a high school cheerleading outfit in 2010.
He's 35; I kept looking.
Homer J Simpson
I don't push
Mr. Pickles
Footballguy
Nothing better than a funny surgeon.
Homer J Simpson
I don't push
Aerial Assault
Footballguy
Hey, man, best of wishes with this. Sounds like you're in great hands.
And I stockpile batteries too 
Henry Ford
Footballguy
Wife just attacked me and did things to me that are illegal in several states after I finished working on her car. Then told me just just had to attack me when she saw my undershirt stained with grease and blood from the battle with the engine. Reminded her of a young me.
I didn't have the heart to tell her the shirt was stained with chocolate and jelly from my celebratory donut. :(
I didn't have the heart to tell her the shirt was stained with chocolate and jelly from my celebratory donut. :(
Homer J Simpson
I don't push
-fish-
Footballguy
As long so we have separate rooms and separate women. I'll share booze and drugs.
kevzilla
Footballguy
Aerial Assault
Footballguy
That could actually work
Minus the near-death experience, though
Minus the near-death experience, though
Doctor Detroit
Please remove your headgear
Homer J Simpson
I don't push
Homer J Simpson
I don't push
Tease.
Wait, I can't go that soon...gotta see the Bengals win the Super Bowl, then I can die in a booze and drug fueled orgy.
Officer Pete Malloy
Footballguy
For Bentley (spoiler since it is bulky)
ONE MORNING DURING MY SENIOR YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL A SOPHOMORE AT MY SCHOOL DIED IN A CAR ACCIDENT WITH A DRUNK DRIVER ON THE WAY TO CLASS. IT WAS A SHOCKING; HE WAS A SMART, POPULAR GUY WHO NO ONE COULD SAY A BAD THING ABOUT. HE WAS THE KIND OF KID WHO MADE FRIENDS WITH EVERYONE AND MADE PEOPLE FEEL INCLUDED. HIS PASSING AFFECTED A TON OF PEOPLE ALL AROUND THE SCHOOL.
THE RESPONSE TO HIS DEATH WAS INCREDIBLE. A GIANT PRAYER CIRCLE WAS HELD IN THE COMMONS AREA THAT MORNING AND PEOPLE GATHERED TO TELL ABOUT THEIR EXPERIENCES WITH HIM. THERE WERE MANY TEARS. MY SCHOOL HAD NEVER RALLIED AROUND ANYTHING LIKE THAT BEFORE AND IT WAS INSPIRING TO WATCH.
OH YEAH, AND THERE WAS SOMETHING ELSE ABOUT THIS KID: HE WAS A HUMUNGOUS TEXAS LONGHORNS FOOTBALL FAN. IN THE MIDDLE OF SOUTH CAROLINA. I STILL DON’T KNOW IF HE HAD FAMILY FROM THERE OR IF HE WAS JUST A HUGE FAN, BUT THIS GUY RODE WITH HIS ‘HORNS.
AS A SHOW OF SOLIDARITY, SOPHOMORES AT MY SCHOOL STARTED PUTTING TEXAS STICKERS ON THE BACKS OF THEIR IDS AND A FEW STARTED WEARING “HOOK ‘EM HORNS” BRACELETS. IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL GESTURE; THEY CHOSE TO REMEMBER HIM FOR THE THING HE WAS THE MOST PASSIONATE ABOUT.
IT ALSO JUST SO HAPPENED THAT HE WAS CLOSE FRIENDS WITH A FEW MEMBERS OF MY SCHOOL’S SOFTBALL TEAM. AND BECAUSE THE TEXAS LOGO HAD BECOME SO SYNONYMOUS WITH HIM AND HIS LIFE, ON AN EMOTIONAL NIGHT MID-WAYS THROUGH THE SEASON, THE TEAM HELD AN “ORANGE OUT” IN HIS HONOR. THEY MADE ORANGE SIGNS AND TIED ORANGE BALLOONS TO ALL THE FENCES SURROUNDING THE SOFTBALL FIELD AND WORE ORANGE SOCKS AND ORANGE BRACELETS AND ALL THE FANS WORE ORANGE SHIRTS AND THEY PRESENTED HIS PARENTS WITH ORANGE FLOWERS DURING A PREGAME CEREMONY.
I WAS THE PUBLIC ADDRESS ANNOUNCER FOR THAT GAME AND I FELT MORE EMOTIONS THAT NIGHT THAN I CAN POSSIBLY DESCRIBE. IT WAS INCREDIBLE AND WHILE WE LOST THE GAME, I CAN HONESTLY SAY IT WAS ONE OF THE MOST EMOTIONALLY IMPACTFUL MOMENTS OF MY HIGH SCHOOL CAREER. I’M WELLING UP RIGHT NOW JUST THINKING ABOUT IT.
AND THIS IS NOT EVEN ONE OF THE TOP TEN SADDEST STORIES CONCERNING TEXAS FOOTBALL IN THE PAST FIVE YEARS.
THE RESPONSE TO HIS DEATH WAS INCREDIBLE. A GIANT PRAYER CIRCLE WAS HELD IN THE COMMONS AREA THAT MORNING AND PEOPLE GATHERED TO TELL ABOUT THEIR EXPERIENCES WITH HIM. THERE WERE MANY TEARS. MY SCHOOL HAD NEVER RALLIED AROUND ANYTHING LIKE THAT BEFORE AND IT WAS INSPIRING TO WATCH.
OH YEAH, AND THERE WAS SOMETHING ELSE ABOUT THIS KID: HE WAS A HUMUNGOUS TEXAS LONGHORNS FOOTBALL FAN. IN THE MIDDLE OF SOUTH CAROLINA. I STILL DON’T KNOW IF HE HAD FAMILY FROM THERE OR IF HE WAS JUST A HUGE FAN, BUT THIS GUY RODE WITH HIS ‘HORNS.
AS A SHOW OF SOLIDARITY, SOPHOMORES AT MY SCHOOL STARTED PUTTING TEXAS STICKERS ON THE BACKS OF THEIR IDS AND A FEW STARTED WEARING “HOOK ‘EM HORNS” BRACELETS. IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL GESTURE; THEY CHOSE TO REMEMBER HIM FOR THE THING HE WAS THE MOST PASSIONATE ABOUT.
IT ALSO JUST SO HAPPENED THAT HE WAS CLOSE FRIENDS WITH A FEW MEMBERS OF MY SCHOOL’S SOFTBALL TEAM. AND BECAUSE THE TEXAS LOGO HAD BECOME SO SYNONYMOUS WITH HIM AND HIS LIFE, ON AN EMOTIONAL NIGHT MID-WAYS THROUGH THE SEASON, THE TEAM HELD AN “ORANGE OUT” IN HIS HONOR. THEY MADE ORANGE SIGNS AND TIED ORANGE BALLOONS TO ALL THE FENCES SURROUNDING THE SOFTBALL FIELD AND WORE ORANGE SOCKS AND ORANGE BRACELETS AND ALL THE FANS WORE ORANGE SHIRTS AND THEY PRESENTED HIS PARENTS WITH ORANGE FLOWERS DURING A PREGAME CEREMONY.
I WAS THE PUBLIC ADDRESS ANNOUNCER FOR THAT GAME AND I FELT MORE EMOTIONS THAT NIGHT THAN I CAN POSSIBLY DESCRIBE. IT WAS INCREDIBLE AND WHILE WE LOST THE GAME, I CAN HONESTLY SAY IT WAS ONE OF THE MOST EMOTIONALLY IMPACTFUL MOMENTS OF MY HIGH SCHOOL CAREER. I’M WELLING UP RIGHT NOW JUST THINKING ABOUT IT.
AND THIS IS NOT EVEN ONE OF THE TOP TEN SADDEST STORIES CONCERNING TEXAS FOOTBALL IN THE PAST FIVE YEARS.
-fish-
Footballguy
Uruk-Hai
Footballguy
Thanks for the well-wishes, guys. It's going to be laproscopic surgery, so about as non-invasive as removal of an organ can get. Takes maybe 45 minutes and I'll be in recovery longer than I'll be on the cutting table. Unless something goes wrong, should be a piece of cake. I'll have to lay out of work for a week, though, with no driving for 3 or 4 days.
kevzilla
Footballguy
General Malaise
Footballguy
General Malaise
Footballguy
Frostillicus
Footballguy
Homer J Simpson
I don't push
Frostillicus
Footballguy
I know all of these words individually, but I can't make sense of them when they're put together like this.
Officer Pete Malloy
Footballguy
General Malaise
Footballguy
Henry Ford
Footballguy
I washed the shirt out myself in the sink so she didn't find out. I feel dirty.
Notorious T.R.E.
Showdown!™ Administrator
kevzilla
Footballguy
Chemical X
Footballguy
Notorious T.R.E.
Showdown!™ Administrator
Officer Pete Malloy
Footballguy
Henry Ford
Footballguy
