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GM's Thread About Everything/GM's Thread About Nothing (31 Viewers)
- Thread starter General Malaise
- Start date
shuke
Black Ice Skeptic
St. Louis Bob
Footballguy
A couple of months ago we're about to sit down to a great Mrs. SLB dinner. Spaghetti, she had been making the sauce (gravy) all day. I'm dying. WTF is Dyan though? Kid is out running all the time. I walk out of the car hole door to find him and he's walking in all upset. An older kid knocked him off his bike on the way home, stole his bike, which he covered, and his helmet, which he did not.
Cal, to our surpirse, says he'll take care of it. I wave him off, I'm hungry and pissed, jump in the car with Dylan and find the kid.
I'm pissed, I'm not getting food and my dumb kids can't handle this #### themselves. Find the kid, there were 4 of them, read this kid, AND Dylan, the riot act about not being #######s. ####, Dylan had 8" on this kid that was two years older. Sissy. I did my best to be dad like yet scare the #### out of him that this wasn't cool. If that makes sense. Tell the kid to go get the helmet he stole, which he does. He hands it back to me and I say "you didn't steal it from me". He gives it back to Dylan. We're done.
A week later cops show up at the house looking for me. I wasn't under arrest or anything but apparently scared the #### out of the poor kid.
I was out of town. Mrs SLB handled it. God I love her.
Cal, to our surpirse, says he'll take care of it. I wave him off, I'm hungry and pissed, jump in the car with Dylan and find the kid.
I'm pissed, I'm not getting food and my dumb kids can't handle this #### themselves. Find the kid, there were 4 of them, read this kid, AND Dylan, the riot act about not being #######s. ####, Dylan had 8" on this kid that was two years older. Sissy. I did my best to be dad like yet scare the #### out of him that this wasn't cool. If that makes sense. Tell the kid to go get the helmet he stole, which he does. He hands it back to me and I say "you didn't steal it from me". He gives it back to Dylan. We're done.
A week later cops show up at the house looking for me. I wasn't under arrest or anything but apparently scared the #### out of the poor kid.
I was out of town. Mrs SLB handled it. God I love her.
cosjobs
Footballguy
car hole door?A couple of months ago we're about to sit down to a great Mrs. SLB dinner. Spaghetti, she had been making the sauce (gravy) all day. I'm dying. WTF is Dyan though? Kid is out running all the time. I walk out of the car hole door to find him and he's walking in all upset. An older kid knocked him off his bike on the way home, stole his bike, which he covered, and his helmet, which he did not.
Cal, to our surpirse, says he'll take care of it. I wave him off, I'm hungry and pissed, jump in the car with Dylan and find the kid.
I'm pissed, I'm not getting food and my dumb kids can't handle this #### themselves. Find the kid, there were 4 of them, read this kid, AND Dylan, the riot act about not being #######s. ####, Dylan had 8" on this kid that was two years older. Sissy. I did my best to be dad like yet scare the #### out of him that this wasn't cool. If that makes sense. Tell the kid to go get the helmet he stole, which he does. He hands it back to me and I say "you didn't steal it from me". He gives it back to Dylan. We're done.
A week later cops show up at the house looking for me. I wasn't under arrest or anything but apparently scared the #### out of the poor kid.
St. Louis Bob
Footballguy
I love root beer. How do you feel about creme soda?
St. Louis Bob
Footballguy
cosjobs
Footballguy
Binky The Doormat
Footballguy
They are both delicious. Though I haven't had a creme soda in years - super sweet - great as a float too.
cosjobs
Footballguy
St. Louis Bob
Footballguy
Oh, yeah 
St. Louis Bob
Footballguy
My wife called me, said the popo were looking for me. I didn't feeel stressed. That's progress.
cosjobs
Footballguy
DA RAIDERS
Footballguy
i don't believe there is any other fast food that will give one instadiarreah faster than white castle. including all mexican places selling madcow as meat. WC is disgusting.
DA RAIDERS
Footballguy
Chemical X
Footballguy
so, my latest beagle rescue is a random poo eater. on many walks he is looking for OPP to eat. he seems to prefer older harder biscotti type poo. he has a real sensitive stomach, so besides me not wanting him do this, it will likely upset his belly. his super nose finds pieces i can't see, so when he grabs one i have to stop our walk, grab his muzzle and kind of force my fingers into his mouth to pull out the poo. it is disgusting and my fingers stink like i ate a strip club buffet.
dogs are awesome!
GroveDiesel
Footballguy
That's some serious balls to go to the police and complain after assaulting a younger kid and trying to steal his bike and helmet.A couple of months ago we're about to sit down to a great Mrs. SLB dinner. Spaghetti, she had been making the sauce (gravy) all day. I'm dying. WTF is Dyan though? Kid is out running all the time. I walk out of the car hole door to find him and he's walking in all upset. An older kid knocked him off his bike on the way home, stole his bike, which he covered, and his helmet, which he did not.
Cal, to our surpirse, says he'll take care of it. I wave him off, I'm hungry and pissed, jump in the car with Dylan and find the kid.
I'm pissed, I'm not getting food and my dumb kids can't handle this #### themselves. Find the kid, there were 4 of them, read this kid, AND Dylan, the riot act about not being #######s. ####, Dylan had 8" on this kid that was two years older. Sissy. I did my best to be dad like yet scare the #### out of him that this wasn't cool. If that makes sense. Tell the kid to go get the helmet he stole, which he does. He hands it back to me and I say "you didn't steal it from me". He gives it back to Dylan. We're done.
A week later cops show up at the house looking for me. I wasn't under arrest or anything but apparently scared the #### out of the poor kid.
St. Louis Bob
Footballguy
No ####. That's what Mrs. SLB said. So a 7th grader confesses to assaulting our 5th grader then stealing from him but you're here?
heckmanm
Footballguy
During the winter, our dachshunds will sometimes try to bring a "frozen non-dairy treat" back into the house with them. Fortunately they usually hold it like a cigar so it's easy to spot.
Dan Lambskin
Footballguy
My dog is only interested in cat poop, except for the time when we first got him and we were trying to crate train him, but his anxiety was so bad he'd poop and pee in there. So one time we was at my MIL's, pooped, ate the evidence, barred, ate that then barfed poop - barf all over the back seat of the car on the way home
Same dog also are every single Halloween decoration one time, also out of anxiety
Oh and ate through a basement door one time too because he got loose and rolled in animal poop right before my wife had to get me from the airport, so she stuck him in there until we get home
mr. furley
Footballguy
you win
My dog is only interested in cat poop, except for the time when we first got him and we were trying to crate train him, but his anxiety was so bad he'd poop and pee in there. So one time we was at my MIL's, pooped, ate the evidence, barred, ate that then barfed poop - barf all over the back seat of the car on the way home
Same dog also are every single Halloween decoration one time, also out of anxiety
Oh and ate through a basement door one time too because he got loose and rolled in animal poop right before my wife had to get me from the airport, so she stuck him in there until we get home
mine eats the cat poop and barfs it up, too. litter boxes are in the basement. we haven't installed a pet door.... yet. but that's coming. stupid animal noses the door open, sneaks down there and tries to scarf down as much as she can before she gets caught.
i've caught her a couple times. it's like shining floodlights on a keg party held by 14 year olds in the woods. pure terror in her eyes as she skitters & crashes across the unfinished basement floor trying to find a place to hide.
she's 45 lbs of pure muscle. one of these days she's going to slam in to a support beam and the first floor is going to buckle.
seriously, don't get a dog. they're dumber than your 2 year old, have less impulse control than your 1 year old and care less about where they defecate than your 6 month old.
mr. furley
Footballguy
heckmanm
Footballguy
mr. furley
Footballguy
Dan Lambskin
Footballguy
Yeah we keep the cats food in the basement with a pet door. Dog could be upstairs and hear someone open the door, and if it's the careless wife or slow kids he's in there in about 2 seconds scarfing down the cats food like he's Joey Chestnut
tommyboy
Footballguy
St. Louis Bob
Footballguy
tommyboy
Footballguy
St. Louis Bob
Footballguy
My Dad was Stated champ in wrestling. I can't imagine how happy this would make him.
If you see the facebooks I had surgey on my foot about a month ago. You know what's dumb to do when you're drunk. Wrestle your ape like kid. Know what's really dumb? Wrestling your Sasquatch offspring with your boot off. #### me. They have been getting a lot of bad press lately, and for good reason, but thanks to all the gods for opioids. I'm so dumb on so many dumb levels. Creme soda rules though. Particularly after some reefer.
mr. furley
Footballguy
Chemical X
Footballguy
isn't it cream soda and isn't diet cel-ray much better?
General Malaise
Footballguy
After reading this, kind of glad we don't have any pets at the moment. Thanks fellas!
General Malaise
Footballguy
General Malaise
Footballguy
Osaurus
Footballguy
Still in Houston, but actually have a day off. The 79 hour week last week was pretty rough. I’m paired with a guy who apparently knows everything. He’s a real blowhard and has had it with my determination to get our work done and delivered perfectly each night without his input. I don’t think he has any real tech skills at all which is a real problem for the work I’m doing. If he was paired with someone else, Im pretty sure they’d drive off leaving him in some part of Houston to pound sand. 2 days left with this guy and he’s gone. At this point it’s a sprint not a marathon. Looking forward to getting back home. Wish I could have had some time to head over to Austin. 
kevzilla
Footballguy
Dan Lambskin
Footballguy
That reminds me, the kitten we adopted a week or so ago on free adoption day, we'll apparently she came with an upper respiratory infection which she also gave it to my other cat so now I'm in for about $400 in vet bills
Oh and her favorite sleeping spot is my chest / shoulder and she keeps trying to eat my wife's face
mr. furley
Footballguy
that $25 adoption fee sounds so tempting. especially when the cat is spayed/neutered and "checked by our vets before being put up for adoption".
all true, except by vets they mean of foreign wars.. who just give the cats a quick once over from their la-z-boy.
we've adopted 4 in total over the years. each came with a series of pests and disease that cost hundreds to clear up.
PETS!
Dan Lambskin
Footballguy
Yeah she came freshly spayed at least, looked like they didn't have her for long . Came with some 30 day pet insurance but not sure if I was supposed to register or not. I'm sure I'd just end up enrolled in some monthly bill that would be a pain to cancel and they'd deem that a preexisting condition. Just not worth the hassle
General Malaise
Footballguy
DA RAIDERS
Footballguy
Loving the pet stories. Keep em coming!
the rover
Footballguy
My last dog was a 180-lb Newfoundland.
When he was a puppy, we barricaded him in the dining room while we were at work. He ate through two layers of drywall and we found him in the garage when we got home. Same dog ate all three legs of a wooden barstool. Not chewed--ate.
At six months, he went lame in all four legs at once. He had something like rheumatoid arthritis, so his immune system was attacking his connective tissue. Cost $15,000 at the emergency vet and ICU to figure out what was wrong, and then for six weeks he had to be confined to a crate. I had to carry his 100-lb. dead weight outside several times a day to go do his business.
When he got to be full grown, some neighborhood kid taught him to go down the slide at a local playground. After that if you took him for a walk and didn't stop by the playground he would just lay down on the sidewalk and refuse to get up.
He also leaned to his right and would rub against the wall of the house when he walked around. The whole house had a black stripe on every wall from him.
Best dog ever.
When he was a puppy, we barricaded him in the dining room while we were at work. He ate through two layers of drywall and we found him in the garage when we got home. Same dog ate all three legs of a wooden barstool. Not chewed--ate.
At six months, he went lame in all four legs at once. He had something like rheumatoid arthritis, so his immune system was attacking his connective tissue. Cost $15,000 at the emergency vet and ICU to figure out what was wrong, and then for six weeks he had to be confined to a crate. I had to carry his 100-lb. dead weight outside several times a day to go do his business.
When he got to be full grown, some neighborhood kid taught him to go down the slide at a local playground. After that if you took him for a walk and didn't stop by the playground he would just lay down on the sidewalk and refuse to get up.
He also leaned to his right and would rub against the wall of the house when he walked around. The whole house had a black stripe on every wall from him.
Best dog ever.
mr. furley
Footballguy
El Floppo
Footballguy
I had a collie growing up. dumbest, smartest, sweetest most loving dog I've ever been around.
yeah- chewed through every single toy I left unattended. also liked to eat salad. kept his head stuck through the cat door every 4th of july but otherwise figured out how to open the gate from our place so he'd walk himself to do his business. would give a sheepish "why are you doing that- what did I do wrong" look if you tried to throw a stick for him to fetch. speaking of sheepish- was always herding. any time out with him walking, you'd find yourself smashed against a wall or hedge- just had to subtly push you in the opposite direction at all times. was the most gentle, quiet, sweet dog unless the black 1970 pontiac sedan (owned by manhattan project oppenheimer's brother) drove by with the occasional black lab passenger... at which point full on cujo appeared with eyes rolled back, teeth bared, white froth on the lips and barking maniacally. I always figured the car was radioactive somehow (think repo man car).. or at the lab was.
yeah- chewed through every single toy I left unattended. also liked to eat salad. kept his head stuck through the cat door every 4th of july but otherwise figured out how to open the gate from our place so he'd walk himself to do his business. would give a sheepish "why are you doing that- what did I do wrong" look if you tried to throw a stick for him to fetch. speaking of sheepish- was always herding. any time out with him walking, you'd find yourself smashed against a wall or hedge- just had to subtly push you in the opposite direction at all times. was the most gentle, quiet, sweet dog unless the black 1970 pontiac sedan (owned by manhattan project oppenheimer's brother) drove by with the occasional black lab passenger... at which point full on cujo appeared with eyes rolled back, teeth bared, white froth on the lips and barking maniacally. I always figured the car was radioactive somehow (think repo man car).. or at the lab was.
ScottNorwood
Footballcutie
Wife and I made a pact that if we ever started to think about another kid we'd just get a dog instead. Piper the Lab Mix has been with us about 2 months now and I can confirm that a dog is a zillion times easier to take care of than a baby.
heckmanm
Footballguy
One other weiner-dog story. Every toy MUST be ripped apart at the seams, ESPECIALLY if it squeaks. Squeakers generally don't go beyond about 15 minutes, and God help you if you bought a toy with stuffing inside, because that #### is going EVERYWHERE. Fortunately you can get un-stuffed furry critters like this, which they love.
We once found one of those with about 20 squeakers inside. Hilarious for about 10 minutes, then
We once found one of those with about 20 squeakers inside. Hilarious for about 10 minutes, then
