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GM's thread about nothing (111 Viewers)
- Thread starter General Malaise
- Start date
krista4
Footballguy
Krista - Thanks for the mustache donation. We'll send you some clippings as a gift.
And she says "oh nothing, I forgot to ask you what was the good news that someone wrote about on your facebook thing? Did you win something?"
Very sorry to hear this. :(
Now follow up with a trip to Nica for the real thing. 
Bob Sacamano
Footballguy
"Back in May I leased my womb to some young couple that REALLY wanted a kid, but they couldn't have one. There were some... complications... that lead to their getting divorced, and the husband was having financial troubles. So he decided to sublet my womb to a nice young Chinese couple. They're flying in this weekend, and if all goes well, I'll have a Chinese bun in the oven in time for Christmas. Can you believe I made $50,000 and I didn't even have to sleep with anybody this time? Well, it's either that or the triple word score I just hit. They're probably split like 75/25."
GB Zooks
GDB Cancer
GDB Cancer
shuke
Black Ice Skeptic
And she says "oh nothing, I forgot to ask you what was the good news that someone wrote about on your facebook thing? Did you win something?"
shuke
Black Ice Skeptic
####, sorry man.
St. Louis Bob
Footballguy
See because Tang is... ah whatever,From now on, your GMTAN name is Tang.Ran 5K last night in 27 minutes.Today I feel like somebody beat me with a sack of oranges.
I kill me.
Might be a one way ticket.
Thorn
Footballguy
So I have a client that hooks me up with really good Bruins tickets every now and then. We send some business back and forth, and pretty much every time I get him a decent account, he sends some tickets. Now, he's the principal of his small company and I'm just an employee at mine. What would be a gift to say thanks without costing me a fortune? Or is the sending of referrals enough?
Mr.Pack
Footballguy
Just returned from lunch. Followed my normal routine, pick up Little 'Zooks at school, bring him to my Mom's and have lunch. While at my Mom's house, I decided to use the bathroom and that's when things got interesting.I go to the bathroom and notice that water is dripping from the sink. So I try turn the handle to shut it off and it won't stop, the water starts coming out stronger. So I turn the handle the other way and now the water is coming out at full strength. Now I'm trying to turn it both ways and nothing is working. I keep trying and now the handle is just spinning, like a door knob that is off the hinge or groove (I don't know if that's the right analogy, I'm worse than Otis when it comes to home repair) I keep trying because the water is not stopping, and then the whole handle comes off and the water comes shooting out of the hole where the handle was. It was like a fire hydrant being flushed. It shot right up into my face, right between the eyes. I tried blocking the hole with my hands trying to figure how I'd be able to shut the valve off from underneath with flooding the entire bathroom. So while blocking the hole (with water still spraying everywhere) I start yelling for my Mother to come help. Naturally she's going deaf and can't hear me. I'm now screaming "MA" at the top of my lungs (think Will Ferrell in Wedding Crashers) Finally she comes in and after giving me a detailed explanation of why she can't bend down to shut off the valve under sink due to her bad knees, she attempts to block the hole while I try to find the valve to shut off. Within 2 seconds I hear her yell "oh ####" as now the water is spraying directly into her face as she tries to cover her face with her hands (she apparently has given up on trying to block the hole) Finally I get the valve shut off. It was difficult to find the valve because my parents like to keep roughly 76 bath towels and 5 cases of toilet paper under the bathroom sink. Now that it is shut off, my mother is drenched. My head is soaked and my dress shirt and tie are completely soaked, and since it was a white shirt, my nipples and chest hair showing right thru the soaked shirt. My mother, God bless her, looks at me asks in all sincerity: "why would you do that?"
Joe T
Footballguy
What did you wear before?
Mr.Pack
Footballguy
Sorry to hear Bogart.Hang in there.T&P
dharmapunk
Footballguy
Just returned from lunch. Followed my normal routine, pick up Little 'Zooks at school, bring him to my Mom's and have lunch. While at my Mom's house, I decided to use the bathroom and that's when things got interesting.I go to the bathroom and notice that water is dripping from the sink. So I try turn the handle to shut it off and it won't stop, the water starts coming out stronger. So I turn the handle the other way and now the water is coming out at full strength. Now I'm trying to turn it both ways and nothing is working. I keep trying and now the handle is just spinning, like a door knob that is off the hinge or groove (I don't know if that's the right analogy, I'm worse than Otis when it comes to home repair) I keep trying because the water is not stopping, and then the whole handle comes off and the water comes shooting out of the hole where the handle was. It was like a fire hydrant being flushed. It shot right up into my face, right between the eyes. I tried blocking the hole with my hands trying to figure how I'd be able to shut the valve off from underneath with flooding the entire bathroom. So while blocking the hole (with water still spraying everywhere) I start yelling for my Mother to come help. Naturally she's going deaf and can't hear me. I'm now screaming "MA" at the top of my lungs (think Will Ferrell in Wedding Crashers) Finally she comes in and after giving me a detailed explanation of why she can't bend down to shut off the valve under sink due to her bad knees, she attempts to block the hole while I try to find the valve to shut off. Within 2 seconds I hear her yell "oh ####" as now the water is spraying directly into her face as she tries to cover her face with her hands (she apparently has given up on trying to block the hole) Finally I get the valve shut off. It was difficult to find the valve because my parents like to keep roughly 76 bath towels and 5 cases of toilet paper under the bathroom sink. Now that it is shut off, my mother is drenched. My head is soaked and my dress shirt and tie are completely soaked, and since it was a white shirt, my nipples and chest hair showing right thru the soaked shirt. My mother, God bless her, looks at me asks in all sincerity: "why would you do that?"
Nickels or it didn't happen.
dharmapunk
Footballguy
This.
Notorious T.R.E.
Showdown!™ Administrator
I like to mix in the v-neck.
Mr.Pack
Footballguy
dharmapunk
Footballguy
God I know how this feels. I don't want to get into specifics, but you have my utmost sympathy. It's awful.
Mr.Pack
Footballguy
I think he deleted it.
dharmapunk
Footballguy
This is turning into some great shtick.
Homer J Simpson
I don't push
Asspeny>>>ChestnickelsJust returned from lunch. Followed my normal routine, pick up Little 'Zooks at school, bring him to my Mom's and have lunch. While at my Mom's house, I decided to use the bathroom and that's when things got interesting.I go to the bathroom and notice that water is dripping from the sink. So I try turn the handle to shut it off and it won't stop, the water starts coming out stronger. So I turn the handle the other way and now the water is coming out at full strength. Now I'm trying to turn it both ways and nothing is working. I keep trying and now the handle is just spinning, like a door knob that is off the hinge or groove (I don't know if that's the right analogy, I'm worse than Otis when it comes to home repair) I keep trying because the water is not stopping, and then the whole handle comes off and the water comes shooting out of the hole where the handle was. It was like a fire hydrant being flushed. It shot right up into my face, right between the eyes. I tried blocking the hole with my hands trying to figure how I'd be able to shut the valve off from underneath with flooding the entire bathroom. So while blocking the hole (with water still spraying everywhere) I start yelling for my Mother to come help. Naturally she's going deaf and can't hear me. I'm now screaming "MA" at the top of my lungs (think Will Ferrell in Wedding Crashers) Finally she comes in and after giving me a detailed explanation of why she can't bend down to shut off the valve under sink due to her bad knees, she attempts to block the hole while I try to find the valve to shut off. Within 2 seconds I hear her yell "oh ####" as now the water is spraying directly into her face as she tries to cover her face with her hands (she apparently has given up on trying to block the hole) Finally I get the valve shut off. It was difficult to find the valve because my parents like to keep roughly 76 bath towels and 5 cases of toilet paper under the bathroom sink. Now that it is shut off, my mother is drenched. My head is soaked and my dress shirt and tie are completely soaked, and since it was a white shirt, my nipples and chest hair showing right thru the soaked shirt. My mother, God bless her, looks at me asks in all sincerity: "why would you do that?"
General Malaise
Footballguy
Edit, Delete.Dorks.
Gadzooks
Footballguy
Apparently Tang doesn't appreciate the humor.This is turning into some great shtick.
mr. furley
Footballguy
Ran 5K last night in 27 minutes.'mr. furley said:'General Malaise said:I'm not a huge fan of Cool Ranch Doritos or Doritos in general, but two weeks ago, an enormous box of Cool Ranch Doritos appeared in our office with like 50 little bags in there. I've probably had 25 of them since then.
i love this'General Malaise said:
cancelled mine today on account of driving rain and 40ish degree temps
shuke
Black Ice Skeptic
Crew neck.
shuke
Black Ice Skeptic
Wow, no ####?
Notorious T.R.E.
Showdown!™ Administrator
Shuke: Spelling it out for JoeT since 2001.
Notorious T.R.E.
Showdown!™ Administrator
General Malaise
Footballguy
Oh, I ran mine on a treadmill.Ran 5K last night in 27 minutes.'mr. furley said:'General Malaise said:I'm not a huge fan of Cool Ranch Doritos or Doritos in general, but two weeks ago, an enormous box of Cool Ranch Doritos appeared in our office with like 50 little bags in there. I've probably had 25 of them since then.i love this'General Malaise said:
General Malaise
Footballguy
Your forehead looks like an airplane view of the Ural Mountains.
Mr. Pickles
Footballguy
Yes, I'm aware of the costume. Guess you've got nothing.
St. Louis Bob
Footballguy
Even though the scale says I've only gained two pounds in the last 3 months, my jeans say I'm doughier than a Sbarro double decker pizza slice. So I've cut out booze and incorporated the following work out program this week:
6:30-8:00 Wake up, take allergy medicines, vitamin and speed. Eat 2 probiotic yogurts.
8:00-8:30 Walk 4-6 miles.
11:00-12:00 Take more speed.
12:00-2:00 Eat lunch, a raw veggie salad, unless I'm entertaining.
4:00-5:00 Take more speed.
5:00-6:00 Walk 4-6 miles.
10:00-10:30 Take an Ambien.
Repeat
speed=Hydroxycut Max
6:30-8:00 Wake up, take allergy medicines, vitamin and speed. Eat 2 probiotic yogurts.
8:00-8:30 Walk 4-6 miles.
11:00-12:00 Take more speed.
12:00-2:00 Eat lunch, a raw veggie salad, unless I'm entertaining.
4:00-5:00 Take more speed.
5:00-6:00 Walk 4-6 miles.
10:00-10:30 Take an Ambien.
Repeat
speed=Hydroxycut Max
Bob Sacamano
Footballguy
Sounds more fun than P90X
dharmapunk
Footballguy
I'm sorry, but this made meYour forehead looks like an airplane view of the Ural Mountains.
I love you, TRE.
dharmapunk
Footballguy
[shuke] OH BULL#### [/shuke]
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General Malaise
Footballguy
Walk 4 miles in 30 minutes? Jeez...that's pretty quick pace. I need to step my game up.Does the hydroxycut max work?
Lastly, you're just doing this for one full week?context?Is the term "safe word" used in a non-S&M context? Say, if you were on a conference call with the CEO and a bunch of others, would that be OK to use?
dharmapunk
Footballguy
I think it would produce a snicker and some raised eyebrows. And maybe a proposition for drinks later.Is the term "safe word" used in a non-S&M context? Say, if you were on a conference call with the CEO and a bunch of others, would that be OK to use?
Mr.Pack
Footballguy
kevzilla
Footballguy
Since the average male thinks about sex every 4.9 seconds, I would assume that as soon as you say "safe word", most of the men on the call are going to think about you, shrink-wrap and a hair dryer.OK, that was probably just me. But you get my point.Is the term "safe word" used in a non-S&M context? Say, if you were on a conference call with the CEO and a bunch of others, would that be OK to use?
krista4
Footballguy
On a call where I'm remote and a bunch of other people are in a room, but my boss is not there yet. At some point while the rest of us are having a discussion he arrived, and at a pause in the conversation he indicates he's there. I make a joke about whether he was there when I said something bad about him (which I didn't) and then say we need a "safe word" so that I'll know when he's arrived in the room.Hypothetically.context?Is the term "safe word" used in a non-S&M context? Say, if you were on a conference call with the CEO and a bunch of others, would that be OK to use?
General Malaise
Footballguy
I have farts that last that long. No way is this stat anywhere close to being correct. Right? I mean....sometimes we DO think about baseball.Since the average male thinks about sex every 4.9 seconds, I would assume that as soon as you say "safe word", most of the men on the call are going to think about you, shrink-wrap and a hair dryer.OK, that was probably just me. But you get my point.Is the term "safe word" used in a non-S&M context? Say, if you were on a conference call with the CEO and a bunch of others, would that be OK to use?
krista4
Footballguy
Since the average male thinks about sex every 4.9 seconds, I would assume that as soon as you say "safe word", most of the men on the call are going to think about you, shrink-wrap and a hair dryer.OK, that was probably just me. But you get my point.Is the term "safe word" used in a non-S&M context? Say, if you were on a conference call with the CEO and a bunch of others, would that be OK to use?
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General Malaise
Footballguy
Dickmitten imoOn a call where I'm remote and a bunch of other people are in a room, but my boss is not there yet. At some point while the rest of us are having a discussion he arrived, and at a pause in the conversation he indicates he's there. I make a joke about whether he was there when I said something bad about him (which I didn't) and then say we need a "safe word" so that I'll know when he's arrived in the room.Hypothetically.context?Is the term "safe word" used in a non-S&M context? Say, if you were on a conference call with the CEO and a bunch of others, would that be OK to use?
krista4
Footballguy
Dickmitten imoOn a call where I'm remote and a bunch of other people are in a room, but my boss is not there yet. At some point while the rest of us are having a discussion he arrived, and at a pause in the conversation he indicates he's there. I make a joke about whether he was there when I said something bad about him (which I didn't) and then say we need a "safe word" so that I'll know when he's arrived in the room.Hypothetically.context?Is the term "safe word" used in a non-S&M context? Say, if you were on a conference call with the CEO and a bunch of others, would that be OK to use?
St. Louis Bob
Footballguy
That's my leave time. It generally takes me about 14 minutes to walk a mile but that can be extended if I'm replying to a bunch of e-mails/texts or traffice is really busy.I'm not sure if it works but I certainly have a lot of energy...Walk 4 miles in 30 minutes? Jeez...that's pretty quick pace. I need to step my game up.Does the hydroxycut max work?
I'll report back.Similar threads
