GM's thread about nothing (29 Viewers)

[Marvin]

My older brother is freaking embarrassment sometimes. Because he's totally whipped he shares a Facebook account with his wife. I'm sure it is something that the pastor at their mega-church told them to do.Anyway he and his wife are doing one of those fitness bootcamp things. His wife just checked them in on FB:"Gary N Diane Boyle was tagged at Total Woman Health & Fitness Center."

\/\/0\/\/

I replied with "Good luck Gary on your quest to become a total woman."

 

[shuke]

I had a bad experience with paper towels once. Never again.

I'm just not sure what you would do with them afterwards. Don't you want something flushable in this situation?

 

[proninja]

My older brother is freaking embarrassment sometimes. Because he's totally whipped he shares a Facebook account with his wife. I'm sure it is something that the pastor at their mega-church told them to do.Anyway he and his wife are doing one of those fitness bootcamp things. His wife just checked them in on FB:"Gary N Diane Boyle was tagged at Total Woman Health & Fitness Center."

That's moderately terrible

 

[Frostillicus]

Oh yeah. Don't drive on the railroad tracks.

 

[flysack]

knuckles texted me 27 times during my arbitration today. she's apparently now stalking Future Ex-Mrs. Fish II ("FEMF II"), which is kind of ok with me because I recently learned that FEMF II has a stalker of her own. maybe they'll meet, fall in love and stab each other to death.her story deserves a shakespearean ending.

I never get tired of hearing about this girl.

 

[flysack]

My older brother is freaking embarrassment sometimes. Because he's totally whipped he shares a Facebook account with his wife. I'm sure it is something that the pastor at their mega-church told them to do.Anyway he and his wife are doing one of those fitness bootcamp things. His wife just checked them in on FB:"Gary N Diane Boyle was tagged at Total Woman Health & Fitness Center."

\/\/0\/\/

I replied with "Good luck Gary on your quest to become a total woman."

 

[Radio Free Homer]

i will tell you a story at high school back in the day and this does go back in to the day there was a group of guys who grew up earlier than others and through junior high they were the jocks but then bam they hit the end of there growth spurt and that was it and other guys normally the farm kids kept growing and kept getting bigger you know probably becuse they actually went home and worked throwing hay and bringing in cattle and whatnot like real americans not playing with sci fi comic books and guess what by junior varsity all of the old jocks were either last string or could not make the team and you would see them sitting at lunch talking about how the new starter guys who had kept growing and gotten bigger and better from working instead of complaining were spazzes and dweebs and other names like that but guess what brohans those same spazzes and dweebs were the ones playing on friday night having the town cheer for them and leaving with the paper shakers at the end of the night well those old junior high jocks just kept sitting at that table talking about junior high and how they hit some shot in some game that no one was watching or even cared about anyhow and which they probably lost because they stunk up the joint so long story short take it to the bank brohans

Exhibit A for what happened to the Shark Pool.

could not disagree more strongly. Posters like SWC are what keep me around. If I ever see that SWC posted in a thread, I guarantee you I'm clicking and reading, and you can take that to the bank and go tell your grandma.

Yes, I suppose there are others like you that like incoherent, poorly punctuated and unintelligible posts that add nothing to any discussion - but some people have better things to do with their time than to read nonsense like this that is posted in what seems like about every thread.

brohan i am sorry that i bother you so much i guess at the end of the day the bottom line for me is that if i do not like someone i just do not read what they have to type for the world wide web and jeez brohan you just seem to have a lot of anger about stuff and like i have offered to others if you want to talk about it i could send you some messages and try to talk you trhough whatever is going on in your world because it is not worth being so angry about end of the day i bet if you met me in real life you would say man that swc he can not type to save his rear end from a pack of crazy dingos from down under and he has some stuff going on for sure but he works hard and keeps his yard looking nice and would lend me a wrench or an air compressor if i ever needed it so he is not all bad and heck we might even have a garage beer and tune up a engine heck if i know but the point is that the message board world is not the real world and it is not good to let it get to you like that where you are calling me an exhibit a of stupid because frankly even if i am you could sort of keep it to yourself so i hope that it turns around for you and take it to the bank and just let live and so on and so forth and be a brohan a friend would like to have and not just some other creep blasting away on the internet that is the motto i live by

God I love SWC. Seriously brohans

 

[Radio Free Homer]

Not going to do an official student names thread this year because the FFA is pissing me off lately (not sure why more than usual).But I'll shared with my friends here. Even Shuke.DathanielDillinMakensieKauner (connor)KassidyKoltinEthanjamesTalmadge Grafton

Oh yeah...also have a girl named Nevada.

Would smash.

 

[Radio Free Homer]

knuckles texted me 27 times during my arbitration today. she's apparently now stalking Future Ex-Mrs. Fish II ("FEMF II"), which is kind of ok with me because I recently learned that FEMF II has a stalker of her own. maybe they'll meet, fall in love and stab each other to death.her story deserves a shakespearean ending.

If I gave you my phone number, would you give me daily updates on your life? 'Cause honestly, that'd be better than Netflix.

 

[heckmanm]

i will tell you a story at high school back in the day and this does go back in to the day there was a group of guys who grew up earlier than others and through junior high they were the jocks but then bam they hit the end of there growth spurt and that was it and other guys normally the farm kids kept growing and kept getting bigger you know probably becuse they actually went home and worked throwing hay and bringing in cattle and whatnot like real americans not playing with sci fi comic books and guess what by junior varsity all of the old jocks were either last string or could not make the team and you would see them sitting at lunch talking about how the new starter guys who had kept growing and gotten bigger and better from working instead of complaining were spazzes and dweebs and other names like that but guess what brohans those same spazzes and dweebs were the ones playing on friday night having the town cheer for them and leaving with the paper shakers at the end of the night well those old junior high jocks just kept sitting at that table talking about junior high and how they hit some shot in some game that no one was watching or even cared about anyhow and which they probably lost because they stunk up the joint so long story short take it to the bank brohans

Exhibit A for what happened to the Shark Pool.

could not disagree more strongly. Posters like SWC are what keep me around. If I ever see that SWC posted in a thread, I guarantee you I'm clicking and reading, and you can take that to the bank and go tell your grandma.

Yes, I suppose there are others like you that like incoherent, poorly punctuated and unintelligible posts that add nothing to any discussion - but some people have better things to do with their time than to read nonsense like this that is posted in what seems like about every thread.

brohan i am sorry that i bother you so much i guess at the end of the day the bottom line for me is that if i do not like someone i just do not read what they have to type for the world wide web and jeez brohan you just seem to have a lot of anger about stuff and like i have offered to others if you want to talk about it i could send you some messages and try to talk you trhough whatever is going on in your world because it is not worth being so angry about end of the day i bet if you met me in real life you would say man that swc he can not type to save his rear end from a pack of crazy dingos from down under and he has some stuff going on for sure but he works hard and keeps his yard looking nice and would lend me a wrench or an air compressor if i ever needed it so he is not all bad and heck we might even have a garage beer and tune up a engine heck if i know but the point is that the message board world is not the real world and it is not good to let it get to you like that where you are calling me an exhibit a of stupid because frankly even if i am you could sort of keep it to yourself so i hope that it turns around for you and take it to the bank and just let live and so on and so forth and be a brohan a friend would like to have and not just some other creep blasting away on the internet that is the motto i live by

God I love SWC. Seriously brohans

Is there some "translate" page where I could cut/paste his stuff that will reformat so my eyes don't hurt? I realize that's part of the shtick but it gets in the way of appreciating the content. I mean, I almost quit reading twice without seeing

if you met me in real life you would say man that swc he can not type to save his rear end from a pack of crazy dingos from down under

 

[charvik]

tl;dr

 

[phishphan]

Not going to do an official student names thread this year because the FFA is pissing me off lately (not sure why more than usual).

But I'll shared with my friends here. Even Shuke.

Dathaniel



Dillin

Makensie

Kauner (connor)

Kassidy

Koltin

Ethanjames

Talmadge

Grafton

The first bolded = , me too.The second = at my wife for talking me into Dylan. Dillon is a popular spelling too it seems. We actually settled on Dan but ##### changed her mind.

the name of champions and the champion of names.

 

[phishphan]

Not going to do an official student names thread this year because the FFA is pissing me off lately (not sure why more than usual).But I'll shared with my friends here. Even Shuke.DathanielDillinMakensieKauner (connor)KassidyKoltinEthanjamesTalmadge Grafton

I enjoy this every year.I want to punch Kauner's parents the hardest. You REALLY have to work to be that douchey.

I actually sort of know the dad. He's Mormon. Maybe they ran out of names.

Why is 'K' the popular letter to have all your kids names started with? Everyone wishing their kid would become a power arm strikeout pitcher?

I have a Kane too.

I guess that's better than a walker or Hoveround

 

[Mr. Pickles]

I'm trying to find something wrong with this girl I've been seeing for about a month. I can't. Last night she told me she went to Victorias Secret and bought some kind of edible massage lotion to use on our naked day. Yes, we're doing a naked day. All day naked,ordering in food, and whole lotta condoms. (100% her idea)

She's perfect. Get married immediately.

 

[Wrighteous Ray]

I had a bad experience with paper towels once. Never again.

I'm just not sure what you would do with them afterwards. Don't you want something flushable in this situation?

Trash can?

 

[ScottNorwood]

Ethanjames

 

[General Malaise]

Ethanjames

Sounds like a discount bourbon.

 

[General Malaise]

MIL leaves tomorrow. Two day window with no extended family in the house before SIL, BIL, 18 month old nephew and other BIL come into town for a long visit. DirecTV gave me three months of free Cinemax, Showtime, et al. One of those months was ruined by a 58 year old woman who refuses to go to bed before 1am and sits with me in the back room thwarting me desires to pour a stiff bedtime drink and take two Bounty Paper Towels with me back to the sofa to watch "Hotel Erotica". Sex is out until the end of this month (Thanks, Hazel, for poulverizing my wife's vag!) which means I'm going to have to make up for lost time in the 48 hour gap.

I wouldn't shake my hand late this week if we meet up.

Paper towels?

Should I just skeet on the floor?

 

[General Malaise]

MIL leaves tomorrow. Two day window with no extended family in the house before SIL, BIL, 18 month old nephew and other BIL come into town for a long visit. DirecTV gave me three months of free Cinemax, Showtime, et al. One of those months was ruined by a 58 year old woman who refuses to go to bed before 1am and sits with me in the back room thwarting me desires to pour a stiff bedtime drink and take two Bounty Paper Towels with me back to the sofa to watch "Hotel Erotica". Sex is out until the end of this month (Thanks, Hazel, for poulverizing my wife's vag!) which means I'm going to have to make up for lost time in the 48 hour gap.

I wouldn't shake my hand late this week if we meet up.

Bounty? Jesus, dude. Get some Kleenex. Don't need any helmet burn.

Obvious hipple going on here, but I'm not sure I follow this. Are you suggesting that I use the Bounty like I'm cleaning a fireman's pole? No no no no no....Bounty is to sperm as swimming pool is to Olympic divers. Kleenex is the absolute suck for this job because they lack the surface area of paper towels, forcing one to lay them down like Pergo Flooring - pray for no gaps. Plus, Kleenex flakes too easily, leaving more CSI type traces around. Paper Towels capture everything and wad up with more security than Life Lock. Hell, I'd rather use Toilet Paper for the job and will in an emergency type situation. But give me a roll of Bounty and lock me in a room for 18 seconds and I'm nothing but smiles.

 

[Mr. Pickles]

MIL leaves tomorrow. Two day window with no extended family in the house before SIL, BIL, 18 month old nephew and other BIL come into town for a long visit. DirecTV gave me three months of free Cinemax, Showtime, et al. One of those months was ruined by a 58 year old woman who refuses to go to bed before 1am and sits with me in the back room thwarting me desires to pour a stiff bedtime drink and take two Bounty Paper Towels with me back to the sofa to watch "Hotel Erotica". Sex is out until the end of this month (Thanks, Hazel, for poulverizing my wife's vag!) which means I'm going to have to make up for lost time in the 48 hour gap.

I wouldn't shake my hand late this week if we meet up.

Bounty? Jesus, dude. Get some Kleenex. Don't need any helmet burn.

Obvious hipple going on here, but I'm not sure I follow this. Are you suggesting that I use the Bounty like I'm cleaning a fireman's pole? No no no no no....Bounty is to sperm as swimming pool is to Olympic divers. Kleenex is the absolute suck for this job because they lack the surface area of paper towels, forcing one to lay them down like Pergo Flooring - pray for no gaps. Plus, Kleenex flakes too easily, leaving more CSI type traces around. Paper Towels capture everything and wad up with more security than Life Lock. Hell, I'd rather use Toilet Paper for the job and will in an emergency type situation. But give me a roll of Bounty and lock me in a room for 18 seconds and I'm nothing but smiles.

I know others are with me but too shy to ask: we're going to need to see a diagram.

 

[Wrighteous Ray]

I'm with GM on this one.

 

[Mr. Pickles]

forcing one to lay them down like Pergo Flooring - pray for no gaps.

Seriously. What the hell are you doing here?

 

[General Malaise]

GET RICK QUICK!!!

 

[Bogart]

I just use worn out athletic socks. Easy to get to from the drawer under my bed (thanks Ikea), they catch everything, easy to toss in the wash, and no waste.

Because when you masterbate, you need to think about the environment.

 

[BigJohn]

MIL leaves tomorrow. Two day window with no extended family in the house before SIL, BIL, 18 month old nephew and other BIL come into town for a long visit. DirecTV gave me three months of free Cinemax, Showtime, et al. One of those months was ruined by a 58 year old woman who refuses to go to bed before 1am and sits with me in the back room thwarting me desires to pour a stiff bedtime drink and take two Bounty Paper Towels with me back to the sofa to watch "Hotel Erotica". Sex is out until the end of this month (Thanks, Hazel, for poulverizing my wife's vag!) which means I'm going to have to make up for lost time in the 48 hour gap.

I wouldn't shake my hand late this week if we meet up.

Bounty? Jesus, dude. Get some Kleenex. Don't need any helmet burn.

Obvious hipple going on here, but I'm not sure I follow this. Are you suggesting that I use the Bounty like I'm cleaning a fireman's pole? No no no no no....Bounty is to sperm as swimming pool is to Olympic divers. Kleenex is the absolute suck for this job because they lack the surface area of paper towels, forcing one to lay them down like Pergo Flooring - pray for no gaps. Plus, Kleenex flakes too easily, leaving more CSI type traces around. Paper Towels capture everything and wad up with more security than Life Lock. Hell, I'd rather use Toilet Paper for the job and will in an emergency type situation. But give me a roll of Bounty and lock me in a room for 18 seconds and I'm nothing but smiles.

So, no drip? No post-maintenence required? I gues having Otishands and layering about 4-5 kleenex has treated me well. Love the flushable aspect too much to switch.

 

[General Malaise]

forcing one to lay them down like Pergo Flooring - pray for no gaps.

Seriously. What the hell are you doing here?

Let's say you are laying down on your back and you are watching, oh say...Telemundo. Mood strikes. Out comes the baby maker. Due to the laws of gravity, in this situation and absent any layer of protection, you just might make it rain all over your belly area. But let's say you want to use Kleenex to capture the droplets. If you are anything like me and Woz, you'll need more than one Kleenex. And because I like to employ an 'all hands on deck' approach to this, I need to lay the groundwork for cleanup in advance. Again, one lousy Kleenex won't cut it for virile and potent men like me. So I use 3-4 of them. But here's the rub. They need to be laced together to make one giant floor cloth with no gaps because gaps would be bad for those wearing work shirts or tuxedo jackets. But here's the rub part dos. At the moment of maximum impact, the jostling and thrusting can break the integrity of the Kleenex blanket and WA LA, we have seepage. Don't skeet on your tuxedo jacket.

 

[General Malaise]

MIL leaves tomorrow. Two day window with no extended family in the house before SIL, BIL, 18 month old nephew and other BIL come into town for a long visit. DirecTV gave me three months of free Cinemax, Showtime, et al. One of those months was ruined by a 58 year old woman who refuses to go to bed before 1am and sits with me in the back room thwarting me desires to pour a stiff bedtime drink and take two Bounty Paper Towels with me back to the sofa to watch "Hotel Erotica". Sex is out until the end of this month (Thanks, Hazel, for poulverizing my wife's vag!) which means I'm going to have to make up for lost time in the 48 hour gap.

I wouldn't shake my hand late this week if we meet up.

Bounty? Jesus, dude. Get some Kleenex. Don't need any helmet burn.

Obvious hipple going on here, but I'm not sure I follow this. Are you suggesting that I use the Bounty like I'm cleaning a fireman's pole? No no no no no....Bounty is to sperm as swimming pool is to Olympic divers. Kleenex is the absolute suck for this job because they lack the surface area of paper towels, forcing one to lay them down like Pergo Flooring - pray for no gaps. Plus, Kleenex flakes too easily, leaving more CSI type traces around. Paper Towels capture everything and wad up with more security than Life Lock. Hell, I'd rather use Toilet Paper for the job and will in an emergency type situation. But give me a roll of Bounty and lock me in a room for 18 seconds and I'm nothing but smiles.

So, no drip? No post-maintenence required? I gues having Otishands and layering about 4-5 kleenex has treated me well. Love the flushable aspect too much to switch.

I've recently started composting my paper towels. Great fertilizer.

 

[Wrighteous Ray]

I'm with GM on this one.

OK, maybe not so much anymore.

 

[General Malaise]

GET RICK QUICK!!!

Or, you know....RICH!

 

[Frostillicus]

I have no words.

 

[Wrighteous Ray]

I've read that thing several times now and I'm still having trouble making sense of it. "All hands on deck"? "laced together"? Are you putting the Kleenex on top of your clothes?

 

[General Malaise]

I've read that thing several times now and I'm still having trouble making sense of it. "All hands on deck"? "laced together"? Are you putting the Kleenex on top of your clothes?

No, I'm not. I'm putting paper towels over them.

 

[Giant Wooden Badger]

Oh sweet Jeebus

 

[Marvin]

You guys are creeping me out.

 

[Wrighteous Ray]

I've read that thing several times now and I'm still having trouble making sense of it. "All hands on deck"? "laced together"? Are you putting the Kleenex on top of your clothes?

No, I'm not. I'm putting paper towels over them.

Why wouldn't you just pull your shirt up out of the danger zone? Would it ruin the mood for you to see so much of your own exposed flesh?

 

[Radio Free Homer]

I've read that thing several times now and I'm still having trouble making sense of it. "All hands on deck"? "laced together"? Are you putting the Kleenex on top of your clothes?

No, I'm not. I'm putting paper towels over them.

Why wouldn't you just pull your shirt up out of the danger zone? Would it ruin the mood for you to see so much of your own exposed flesh?

Proactively guarding against snowblindness.

 

[Marvin]

I've read that thing several times now and I'm still having trouble making sense of it. "All hands on deck"? "laced together"? Are you putting the Kleenex on top of your clothes?

No, I'm not. I'm putting paper towels over them.

Why wouldn't you just pull your shirt up out of the danger zone? Would it ruin the mood for you to see so much of your own exposed flesh?

Proactively guarding against snowblindness.

:spittake:

 

[Captain Quinoa]

laying on your back? I'm the laziest person I know and even I can sit up to finish that job.

 

[Bogart]

forcing one to lay them down like Pergo Flooring - pray for no gaps.

Seriously. What the hell are you doing here?

Let's say you are laying down on your back and you are watching, oh say...Telemundo. Mood strikes. Out comes the baby maker. Due to the laws of gravity, in this situation and absent any layer of protection, you just might make it rain all over your belly area. But let's say you want to use Kleenex to capture the droplets. If you are anything like me and Woz, you'll need more than one Kleenex. And because I like to employ an 'all hands on deck' approach to this, I need to lay the groundwork for cleanup in advance. Again, one lousy Kleenex won't cut it for virile and potent men like me. So I use 3-4 of them. But here's the rub. They need to be laced together to make one giant floor cloth with no gaps because gaps would be bad for those wearing work shirts or tuxedo jackets. But here's the rub part dos. At the moment of maximum impact, the jostling and thrusting can break the integrity of the Kleenex blanket and WA LA, we have seepage. Don't skeet on your tuxedo jacket.

If I had to go through all of this, I might just choose to quit altogether. Masturbation, pleasure, life.

 

[Captain Quinoa]

I just use worn out athletic socks. Easy to get to from the drawer under my bed (thanks Ikea), they catch everything, easy to toss in the wash, and no waste.Because when you masterbate, you need to think about the environment.

If I did this I would have to light the sock on fire after. No way I'm wearing it again, let alone sticking it in the washer with my other clothes. You spray them with Skeetguard™ or something?

 

[Marvin]

For Homer

 

[General Malaise]

I've read that thing several times now and I'm still having trouble making sense of it. "All hands on deck"? "laced together"? Are you putting the Kleenex on top of your clothes?

No, I'm not. I'm putting paper towels over them.

Why wouldn't you just pull your shirt up out of the danger zone? Would it ruin the mood for you to see so much of your own exposed flesh?

lol @ snowblind.I'll do a masturbation shot vid later today.

 

[madhatter]

 

[Disco Stu]

GET RICK QUICK!!!

rickrick

rick you gotta come home

 

[The_Man]

forcing one to lay them down like Pergo Flooring - pray for no gaps.

Seriously. What the hell are you doing here?

Let's say you are laying down on your back and you are watching, oh say...Telemundo. Mood strikes. Out comes the baby maker. Due to the laws of gravity, in this situation and absent any layer of protection, you just might make it rain all over your belly area. But let's say you want to use Kleenex to capture the droplets. If you are anything like me and Woz, you'll need more than one Kleenex. And because I like to employ an 'all hands on deck' approach to this, I need to lay the groundwork for cleanup in advance. Again, one lousy Kleenex won't cut it for virile and potent men like me. So I use 3-4 of them. But here's the rub. They need to be laced together to make one giant floor cloth with no gaps because gaps would be bad for those wearing work shirts or tuxedo jackets. But here's the rub part dos. At the moment of maximum impact, the jostling and thrusting can break the integrity of the Kleenex blanket and WA LA, we have seepage. Don't skeet on your tuxedo jacket.

Sounds like there are a lot of rubs involved

 

[Wrighteous Ray]

Sounds like there are a lot of rubs involved

I guess that's why he needs all hands on deck.

 

[Captain Quinoa]

I've read that thing several times now and I'm still having trouble making sense of it. "All hands on deck"? "laced together"? Are you putting the Kleenex on top of your clothes?

No, I'm not. I'm putting paper towels over them.

Why wouldn't you just pull your shirt up out of the danger zone? Would it ruin the mood for you to see so much of your own exposed flesh?

lol @ snowblind.I'll do a masturbation shot vid later today.

you've tasted it, haven't you?

 

[Marvin]

You guys really need to get RaiderNation in on this fap chat.

 

[General Malaise]

I've read that thing several times now and I'm still having trouble making sense of it. "All hands on deck"? "laced together"? Are you putting the Kleenex on top of your clothes?

No, I'm not. I'm putting paper towels over them.

Why wouldn't you just pull your shirt up out of the danger zone? Would it ruin the mood for you to see so much of your own exposed flesh?

lol @ snowblind.I'll do a masturbation shot vid later today.

you've tasted it, haven't you?

Mine?

 

[belljr]

The cleanest way - is just before, stand up, pull down and aim at your paper towel. Set it up like it's one of these and no problems. Once the initial burst of energy is over, you can then bring the paper towel catch can closer to the area, and level it out. Like you are squeezing toothpaste out of the tube onto the brush

So I've heard...