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GM's thread about nothing (42 Viewers)
- Thread starter General Malaise
- Start date
Stoneys
MudCat
Idiot Boxer
Footballguy
Yes. I saw your 'work' pictures.was there last week...for work...22 days.One month til vegas
Idiot Boxer
Footballguy
Woot!P.S. your BOC will go out tomorrow22 days.One month til vegas
Stoneys
MudCat
well, i wasn't going to take pictures of the meetings i was in during the day...at night, work was overYes. I saw your 'work' pictures.was there last week...for work...22 days.One month til vegas
Bob Sacamano
Footballguy
WTF? Who died? 'Cause that's really the only excuse here.not going this year. have fun.22 days.One month til vegas
strykerpks
Footballguy
The pickins are slim when free agents and hurt kickers are going off the board
PowerAIDS select Ronnie Brown, RB SD
Pale Whiffle Condoms - OTC
PowerAIDS select Ronnie Brown, RB SD
Pale Whiffle Condoms - OTC
Fuller
Footballguy
Yeah, feels weird not going. Taking a break and going to Buffalo for the Bills opener that weekend. Will gamble in Niagara Falls and get drunk watching Tom Brady slay our Bills.WTF? Who died? 'Cause that's really the only excuse here.not going this year. have fun.22 days.One month til vegas
General Malaise
Footballguy
I think I found somebody with even less common sense than me. Only took 40 years.
Let's review:
1) Sassy's was our 4th stop of the afternoon, which was rapidly morphing into evening, and was well past the time I told my wife I'd be home. It was our 2nd cigarette outdoors under natural lighting with Sin the Ginger (who has paler skin than me (we had a pale-off)) that I determined I should probably call it a day. Sin the Ging was very friendly and from where I stood, took a little shine to our boy Chase. My need to go home in no way meant Chase should stop chasing and thus, I told him the following:
"Chase, you are on Morrison and 7th. When you are ready to leave for the evening, you tell the bartender to call you a cab. She will push a button. A cab will be there in seconds, right outside THAT DOOR (and here I pointed at the only exit door in the building). Put your brother's address in your phone and tell the cab driver what his address is. That cab ride should take 10 minutes and cost $20. You can do this."
And I watched. I watched as Chase put his brother's address into his phone. His brother lives off a very busy and well known street. A monkey with mental deficiencies couldn't flub this up. Well....I could. And now we know Chase did. I'm pretty sure we're related.
2) Chase makes a great hobo. In fact, I think if this whole career thing stalls, he'd thrive as a hobo. Wish I had taken pictures of him with his quart of beer. In a brown paper bag. That he took with him INSIDE OF A BAR and nursed with total impunity as we enjoyed views of downtown Portland. The last F-WORD has clearly been given by that guy. At one point, I walked him to the other side of the outdoor patio on the 5th floor of the Red Lion hotel and pointed to a volcano off in the distance.
"Chase, do you know what that is over there?"
"Uh, is that Mt. Ranier?"
"No. Think about a famous volcano that erupted in 1980."
"Dude, I wasn't even alive then. You're old".
/Scene
9) We sat at Stage II at the Acropolis nursing $2.50 happy hour pints of terrific beers, chatting over the loud music that was playing for a girl dancing at another stage way off in the distance. There had been a bored looking girl at Stage II, looking down at her phone, texting and very off-put that the two of us decided to sit there, give her money and, you know, actually perform. She was from Columbia. She had nice skin. She hates Portland. I think she probably hated us too. She bolted away after her set and so we sat there and chatted and completely forgot that the giant stage we were sitting at was totally absent any dancers. In fact, it took a girl leaving the joint, fresh off her shift to say "Hey idiots - all the dancers are over there." We probably would have stayed there chatting and sipping on suds for an hour if she hadn't told us. I'd say the two of us have a general....lack of awareness. Tanner's younger son would fit in well with us.
69) I told Chase while we were finally at a stage with live dancers that my wife was a vegetarian. The eavesdropping dancer informed us she was a vegan. No dairy at all. But she does love steak. I don't think vegan means what she thinks it means. Also, she had nice skin.
General Malaise
Footballguy
Homer J Simpson
I don't push
Netflix problems?Hell, I even got home and fixed my MIL's lap top.
Homer J Simpson
I don't push
Disco Stu
Confirmed FBGal
Let It Sweat selects:
21.11 RB Justin Forsett, Jaguars
21.11 RB Justin Forsett, Jaguars
Homer J Simpson
I don't push
It's the role he was born to play.I've been saying this for at least a year.
At the airport now, got about 3 hours of very drunken sleep.
I was able to successfully take a cab with my lovely companion Sin to the third club of the evening. I'd like to think the cab home dilemma at 2:30AM was partly due to the guy not speaking english very well. He didnt understand the address I had drunkenly typed down in my phone, so he plugged Jolly Roger into his GPS. Apparently it wasn't the right one though. It was a very long cab ride.
Sin was a lot of fun though.
She was so tiny and violent. This is the second time I've been to a strip club with an FBG and ended up making out with a dancer on the smoking patio. I definitely have the herpes now.Had a blast though. Thanks for showing me around town GM.
T Bell
Footballguy
Talk to Zooks about any post-GM medical care you might need.
At the airport now, got about 3 hours of very drunken sleep.
I was able to successfully take a cab with my lovely companion Sin to the third club of the evening. I'd like to think the cab home dilemma at 2:30AM was partly due to the guy not speaking english very well. He didnt understand the address I had drunkenly typed down in my phone, so he plugged Jolly Roger into his GPS. Apparently it wasn't the right one though. It was a very long cab ride.
Sin was a lot of fun though.
Had a blast though. Thanks for showing me around town GM.
Disco Stu
Confirmed FBGal
At the airport now, got about 3 hours of very drunken sleep.
I was able to successfully take a cab with my lovely companion Sin to the third club of the evening. I'd like to think the cab home dilemma at 2:30AM was partly due to the guy not speaking english very well. He didnt understand the address I had drunkenly typed down in my phone, so he plugged Jolly Roger into his GPS. Apparently it wasn't the right one though. It was a very long cab ride.
Sin was a lot of fun though.
Had a blast though. Thanks for showing me around town GM.
How many kids does this one have? How soon can they move to Dallas?
charvik
Footballguy
Good Posting Judge
Footballguy
Pics?
Officer Pete Malloy
Footballguy
Just went through a pretty crazy teacher training thing.
Armed intruder response. That's "school shooter" to you and me.
We used airsoft guns, facemasks, and did several very realistic simulations. The basic idea is that the worst thing you can to is "duck and cover", cower, hide behind a desk and hope/pray you don't get shot. You run and keep running. If you can't then you hide. If you can't do either of those fight back. Barricade, throw #### etc etc.
Every school in the country should put their teachers through this program or one very similar. It would save countless lives.
Armed intruder response. That's "school shooter" to you and me.
We used airsoft guns, facemasks, and did several very realistic simulations. The basic idea is that the worst thing you can to is "duck and cover", cower, hide behind a desk and hope/pray you don't get shot. You run and keep running. If you can't then you hide. If you can't do either of those fight back. Barricade, throw #### etc etc.
Every school in the country should put their teachers through this program or one very similar. It would save countless lives.
Disco Stu
Confirmed FBGal
Happened again last night.
Mrs Stu's best friend was at a going away party for a coworker. Or at least that's what she claimed. Husband was suspicious and checked her phone records... hundreds of texts to/from a number she shouldn't be communicating with at all hours of the night. The guy was basically a vendor, who she apparently had gotten friendly with.
A few months ago there was an issue when the husband saw a random text from the guy one the evening. Both the husband and Mrs Stu told her she needed to keep that relationship strictly professional, with no reason for communication outside work hours. Neither had heard anything about him since.
After last night's huge red flag from the phone records, the husband used the iPhone finder thing and found she was about ten miles from where she said she was going. Zoomed in on the location and saw the guy's store.
I haven't heard what happened when she got home, but I imagine they had an interesting conversation. Married 8 years... two little girls (6 and 3). Sucks.
tl;dr... pay attention to your wife or someone else will.
Last edited by a moderator:
T Bell
Footballguy
Also, you need to learn to grab one of the grade schoolers up by the scruff of their neck and swing them up behind your back while you're running to shield you.
Officer Pete Malloy
Footballguy
What's up with all these whore wives?
More importantly...where do they hang out?
More importantly...where do they hang out?
Officer Pete Malloy
Footballguy
Don't think I don't have a list of kids that I have mentally assigned to be the ones to run out first.
"Dakota, go outside and see where the guy is."
"But..but...I could get shot."
"Don't worry, your Diamond Industries t-shirt probably has some sort of magical powers. I mean it cost $50 and all."
T Bell
Footballguy
Based upon the circle of friends you guys have, the first person to take your advice should be you.Happened again last night.
Mrs Stu's best friend was at a going away party for a coworker. Or at least that's what she claimed. Husband was suspicious and checked her phone records... hundreds of texts to/from a number she shouldn't be communicating with at all hours of the night. The guy was basically a vendor, who she apparently had gotten friendly with.
A few months ago there was an issue when the husband saw a random text from the guy one the evening. Both the husband and Mrs Stu told her she needed to keep that relationship strictly professional, with no reason for communication outside work hours. Neither had heard anything about him since.
After last night's huge red flag from the phone records, the husband used the iPhone finder thing and found she was about ten miles from where she said she was going. Zoomed in on the location and saw the guy's store.
I haven't heard what happened when she got home, but I imagine they had an interesting conversation. Married 8 years... two little girls (6 and 3). Sucks.
tl;dr... pay attention to your wife or someone else will.
Officer Pete Malloy
Footballguy
I can't take it any more. Breaking Bad thread is going to get peppered with shtick.
Bob Sacamano
Footballguy
St. Louis Bob
Footballguy
Up at our pool. That closes today. And I haven't been there once this summer.
I was only able to walk 5 miles this morning and came home early to knock out another 12. So stressed. After reading that I feel like smoking a cig and snorting some pills. I imagined that and Costanza yelling fire! and knocking little kids over trying to get out of the building.
Disco Stu
Confirmed FBGal
Of course.Based upon the circle of friends you guys have, the first person to take your advice should be you.Happened again last night.
Mrs Stu's best friend was at a going away party for a coworker. Or at least that's what she claimed. Husband was suspicious and checked her phone records... hundreds of texts to/from a number she shouldn't be communicating with at all hours of the night. The guy was basically a vendor, who she apparently had gotten friendly with.
A few months ago there was an issue when the husband saw a random text from the guy one the evening. Both the husband and Mrs Stu told her she needed to keep that relationship strictly professional, with no reason for communication outside work hours. Neither had heard anything about him since.
After last night's huge red flag from the phone records, the husband used the iPhone finder thing and found she was about ten miles from where she said she was going. Zoomed in on the location and saw the guy's store.
I haven't heard what happened when she got home, but I imagine they had an interesting conversation. Married 8 years... two little girls (6 and 3). Sucks.
tl;dr... pay attention to your wife or someone else will.
Somewhat related advice: watch "Hall Pass". If your wife doesn't give it up after that she either hates you or you're an idiot. Or she hates you because you're an idiot. Not even the depressing phone calls last night could derail it.
Ignoramus
Footballguy
There was a filter applied. I removed it and added the last few picks.
Homer J Simpson
I don't push
Only two kids with this one. I think I'm just going to move to Portland.
At the airport now, got about 3 hours of very drunken sleep.
I was able to successfully take a cab with my lovely companion Sin to the third club of the evening. I'd like to think the cab home dilemma at 2:30AM was partly due to the guy not speaking english very well. He didnt understand the address I had drunkenly typed down in my phone, so he plugged Jolly Roger into his GPS. Apparently it wasn't the right one though. It was a very long cab ride.
Sin was a lot of fun though.
Had a blast though. Thanks for showing me around town GM.
Found her dancer FB page. Not nearly as hot as I remember, the hours of boozing with GM may have impaired my judgment a little.
First name Sin, last name the portland airport code to find her on FB. 
T Bell
Footballguy
These sorts of things should always be accompanied by a twinge of regret or embarrassment. It's normal.Only two kids with this one. I think I'm just going to move to Portland.
At the airport now, got about 3 hours of very drunken sleep.
I was able to successfully take a cab with my lovely companion Sin to the third club of the evening. I'd like to think the cab home dilemma at 2:30AM was partly due to the guy not speaking english very well. He didnt understand the address I had drunkenly typed down in my phone, so he plugged Jolly Roger into his GPS. Apparently it wasn't the right one though. It was a very long cab ride.
Sin was a lot of fun though.
Had a blast though. Thanks for showing me around town GM.
Found her dancer FB page. Not nearly as hot as I remember, the hours of boozing with GM may have impaired my judgment a little.
she's engaged?
Good Posting Judge
Footballguy
She had the least amount of tattoos at the club we met her at. Very grunge place.
She never mentioned anything about being engaged.
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