GM's thread about nothing (85 Viewers)

[Joe T]

Anyone heard from Furley?

:worried:

Please PM me his info.

 

[heckmanm]

she likes spanking and anal but not rim jobs

Well this seems like a win-win.

"Giving, receiving, or both? It might matter."

Really the only appropriate response here.

Good point. Dangerous assumption on my part.

 

[T Bell]

she likes spanking and anal but not rim jobs

Well this seems like a win-win.

I thought so. As she's divulging this to me (we'd been talking sex for all of maybe 2 minutes that that point) I simply stated, "Let's just agree to cross that one off the list."

 

[T Bell]

she likes spanking and anal but not rim jobs

Well this seems like a win-win.

"Giving, receiving, or both? It might matter."

Really the only appropriate response here.

Good point. Dangerous assumption on my part.

Both. Which I'm fine with.

 

[Bob Sacamano]

Oh, you thought I meant the rim jobs?

 

[Limp Ditka]

And I guess that Lorde chick.

It took you guys a year and a half to write this?

 

[St. Louis Bob]

The upside of having an 8 year old girl is that you get to hear songs like this one 1,000 times a day.

A musical accompaniment to your Bingo card. Assist to Idiot Boxer. And I guess that Lorde chick.

He believes that diamonds are for chumps

He plies his teeth with chicken wings... from BW3

The innerwebs thinks he's a grump

From another time, he’s always angry.

'Cause every post's like I hate paypal, children on my lawn

Pearl Jam, oatmeal, words that don't rhyme with dawn

He don't care. He thinks that Cadillacs are for kids

But then he comes and posts kittens, neck punch, rockin out to Cheap Trick

Youtube, reddit, kids with weird names shtick

He don't care, he's checking out that hot blue hair

And he'll always be Boyle (Boyle)

Not Officer Pete Malloy

That alias just ain’t for us.

It lacks a certain kind of gruff

He’s Teaching middle schoolers (schoolers)

They call him Mr. B

Listening to Greens and Blues and Blues and Blues

As he berates humanity

(with a subscription to Cat Fancy)

Mother#### that rules so hard

 

[St. Louis Bob]

So after being single for a while I reactivated my online dating account for the first time after I've hit 40. I've chatted here and there but so far I've had more success with the ones who've contacted me, all in their 30's.

In the span of the day yesterday I went from initial contact with a divorced single mom (half Latina, half white; solid 7+ on the offdee scale) to having her sending me lingerie pics, telling me over the phone last night that she likes spanking and anal but not rim jobs and setting up a "date" for Sunday night.

I've got a first date tomorrow night with a separated Asian single mom (6+ on the offdee scale) who won't stop texting and flirting with me. The only reason I probably won't bang her is that it's a work night.

The above two are pretty much for sex only.

Now I've also been contacted by one I was more substantively interested in. She's also in her 30's, another solid 7+ and an avid runner so very fit.

I forgot how ridiculous online dating could be.

GFY

signed,

marriage.

's

 

[DA RAIDERS]

Just slipped the community association tree trimmers $60 to trim my trees. not a euphemism

 

[Notorious T.R.E.]

The upside of having an 8 year old girl is that you get to hear songs like this one 1,000 times a day.

A musical accompaniment to your Bingo card. Assist to Idiot Boxer. And I guess that Lorde chick.

He believes that diamonds are for chumps

He plies his teeth with chicken wings... from BW3

The innerwebs thinks he's a grump

From another time, he’s always angry.

'Cause every post's like I hate paypal, children on my lawn

Pearl Jam, oatmeal, words that don't rhyme with dawn

He don't care. He thinks that Cadillacs are for kids

But then he comes and posts kittens, neck punch, rockin out to Cheap Trick

Youtube, reddit, kids with weird names shtick

He don't care, he's checking out that hot blue hair

And he'll always be Boyle (Boyle)

Not Officer Pete Malloy

That alias just ain’t for us.

It lacks a certain kind of gruff

He’s Teaching middle schoolers (schoolers)

They call him Mr. B

Listening to Greens and Blues and Blues and Blues

As he berates humanity

(with a subscription to Cat Fancy)

Amazing.

 

[bostonfred]

Officer Pete Malloy doesn't like this

 

[T Bell]

Oh, you thought I meant the rim jobs?

You always mean rim jobs, Bob.

 

[belljr]

With all the Easter egg / hidden stuff that's now been exposed in Breaking Bad, the Better Call Saul thread is in prime position to be a trainwreck of monumental proportions.

Before getting busy with work (work?!?), I meant to come in this morning and request that someone start a real Better Call Saul thread. I'd like to participate, but that one became unreadable about 10 minutes into the first episode.

It was real.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

Officer Pete Malloy doesn't like this

Special delivery for your wife.

 

[El Floppo]

Officer Pete Malloy doesn't like this

Special delivery for your wife.

that's a really small helicopte... oh.

 

[bentley]

Osaurus (iPhone auto corrected to 'issues'. Coincidence? I think not)

Always interested in what's worked for people when it comes to defatassing themselves.

What secrets of your success can you share?

Eat less. Exercise more.

 

[bentley]

Also #### that noise on giving up booze. Cut out sweets, bread and sodas. No reason to impugn sweet alcohol.

Posting from a treadmill where I'm getting in a quick five miles before heading to a business dinner full of steak and red wine.

 

[Good Posting Judge]

I think the implication here is that Ms. Fred has a gigantic ######. Seems harsh.

 

[Good Posting Judge]

How does a four-letter anatomically correct word get filtered into 6 #'s?

 

[El Floppo]

How does a four-letter anatomically correct word get filtered into 6 #'s?

nose?

 

[kevzilla]

Also #### that noise on giving up booze. Cut out sweets, bread and sodas. No reason to impugn sweet alcohol.

Posting from a treadmill where I'm getting in a quick five miles before heading to a business dinner full of steak and red wine.

Bread and sodas - check. Sweets....

You sure I can't take a pill, sit on my ### and continue to pound the cookies?

Headed for the treadmill shortly.

 

[Frostillicus]

Omg I just got off the treadmill!

 

[UniAlias]

Omg I just got off the treadmill!

Should celebrate by chugging half a bottle of Fireball IMO.

 

[UniAlias]

penis on your butt

 

[Drifter]

penis on your butt

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=isujdfWGqss

 

[Osaurus]

Osaurus (iPhone auto corrected to 'issues'. Coincidence? I think not)

Always interested in what's worked for people when it comes to defatassing themselves.

What secrets of your success can you share?

Eat less. Exercise more.

Troof

 

[Annyong]

penis on your butt

I don't know what this means, but it made me giggle

penis on your butt.lol

 

[Annyong]

Speaking of treadmills, they suck. I wish I lived in a warmer climate. Running outside is like a penis on your butt better than on a treadmill.

 

[Annyong]

So there's a labor dispute on the west coast ports. These boners are making 140k a year.

 

[Annyong]

i like how boners isnt censored but ################################## is.

 

[krista4]

If a racist convicted serial killer/cult leader/crazy person can't find a person who marries him for true love rather than just wanting to be able to display his corpse publicly as a tourist attraction after his death, what hope is there for the rest of us? :(

 

[Limp Ditka]

Speaking of treadmills, they suck. I wish I lived in a warmer climate. Running outside is like a penis on your butt better than on a treadmill.

Can't stand it. The timer owns me. Really need to bring a towel with me so I can cover it

 

[Limp Ditka]

If a racist convicted serial killer/cult leader/crazy person can't find a person who marries him for true love rather than just wanting to be able to display his corpse publicly as a tourist attraction after his death, what hope is there for the rest of us? :(

I hope someone out there wants my corpse

 

[Ignoramus]

I drank a #### load of hefeweizen when I lived in Germany. I never really got strong banana flavor from any of them though... more of the coriander and, well, wheat flavors.

And they always served them with a slice of lemon. Because it's already such a flavorful beer, the lemon doesn't add as much citrus as a lime in a Dos Equis does... just sort of brings a nice balance to the beer.

 

[Annyong]

Speaking of treadmills, they suck. I wish I lived in a warmer climate. Running outside is like a penis on your butt better than on a treadmill.

Can't stand it. The timer owns me. Really need to bring a towel with me so I can cover it

I pass the time by slowly increasing the speed every tenth of a mile.

 

[Limp Ditka]

Speaking of treadmills, they suck. I wish I lived in a warmer climate. Running outside is like a penis on your butt better than on a treadmill.

Can't stand it. The timer owns me. Really need to bring a towel with me so I can cover it

I pass the time by slowly increasing the speed every tenth of a mile.

Yesterday

Minute walking

Minute @ 6

Minute @ 6.5

Minute @ 7

Minute @ 7.5

Rinse / repeat

 

[Annyong]

Speaking of treadmills, they suck. I wish I lived in a warmer climate. Running outside is like a penis on your butt better than on a treadmill.

Can't stand it. The timer owns me. Really need to bring a towel with me so I can cover it

I pass the time by slowly increasing the speed every tenth of a mile.

Yesterday

Minute walking

Minute @ 6

Minute @ 6.5

Minute @ 7

Minute @ 7.5

Rinse / repeat

Yep I'm similar, but I hate the treadmill so much that it has to be in .10 increments. I'm somehow faster outside.

 

[kevzilla]

Omg I just got off the treadmill!

WE DID IT!

And you runners can kiss my penis on your butt. It's all I can do to walk at 3.2 for an hour. Of course, none of you knobs are >100 pounds overweight, either.

 

[mr roboto]

I drank a #### load of hefeweizen when I lived in Germany. I never really got strong banana flavor from any of them though... more of the coriander and, well, wheat flavors.

And they always served them with a slice of lemon. Because it's already such a flavorful beer, the lemon doesn't add as much citrus as a lime in a Dos Equis does... just sort of brings a nice balance to the beer.

:gaaaaaaay:

 

[bostonfred]

Try doing random numbers games in your head. Guess what the clock will read when you finish your minute at 6.5. or when you hit 1.25 miles. If your odometer goes to the hundredth, pick a number and try to hit it (like 2.22 - because it will slip from 2.21 to 2.23.sometimes). If you're watching tv, increase your speed for the first commercial, then again for the second, and so on. Then cool down when your show comes back on. Try bumping the speed up and down at random intervals. Or when that cute girl walks by. Instead of increasing your speed, try lifting your knees higher for .1 miles or one minute. Try swinging your arms opposite your legs, it increases your speed naturally. If there's someone on a treadmill near you, have an imaginary rave to a milestone only you know - like if they're running 6.0 and you're doing 6.5, and they're at 1.82 miles and you're at .90, picture a race to the next even tenth (1.9 for them, 1.0 for you). Try to guess the next song on your shuffle. imagine a girl running next to you with her boobies bouncing at the same cadence as your jog. Count how many seconds ate left to your next milestone, like if b you have a minute 22 left, count down from 82 while the clock is going up. Try to match the countdown to your breaths so you're breathing about three times every three seconds. use a mantra like puff puff give puff puff give. Sing army songs like I don't know but I been told Eskimo ##### is mighty cold. Make up new ones in your head. do mental preparation for some important task, just think through it step by step until you feel comfortable enough to do it when the time comes. Try coming up with a movie idea you haven't seen. Make it as cliche as possible and guess your ending. Would you watch it? What would you change? Try to remember every girl you've kissed, or every address where you lived, or every teacher you ever had, or every phone number you used to know by heart before cell phones.

 

[Dan Lambskin]

Reading that post was almost as boring as running on a treadmill

 

[Limp Ditka]

Reading that post was almost as boring as running on a treadmill

I did like the part about bouncing boobs

 

[Limp Ditka]

Boobs

 

[Mr. Pickles]

Paragraphs, please.

 

[GroveDiesel]

Someone is getting fired in the Eagles organization. The player pictured for February on their official calendar is Riley Cooper. The same Riley Cooper that got caught saying a bunch of racist stuff a couple of years ago. Probably not the best match for Black History Month.

 

[Annyong]

Pretty awesome. Just smashed the screen on my iPhone 5c. Any of you guys got an old one to sell me?

 

[Frostillicus]

Omg I just got off the treadmill!

Should celebrate by chugging half a bottle of Fireball IMO.

That was the old me.

 

[Frostillicus]

There may be an accidental video from this weekend of me singing to my wife including the lyric "Penis on your butt."

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

Pretty awesome. Just smashed the screen on my iPhone 5c. Any of you guys got an old one to sell me?

Sorry, I don't.

 

[krista4]

Pretty awesome. Just smashed the screen on my iPhone 5c. Any of you guys got an old one to sell me?

I have a plain ol' 5 I can give you for free when my new phone arrives tomorrow, but I don't know what a 5c is and if that would be too big a downgrade.