GM's thread about nothing (21 Viewers)

[Joe T]

Last night I was moving old chain link fence from the back yard to the front yard by the street for the trash guys to take away this morning. On my 2nd or 3rd trip from the back yard to the street, there was a Mexican couple in a pick up truck loading up their truck with the fence. For schtick purposes, I was going to ask them what they were doing and tell them how they are costing the city revenue but my spanish is horriblay. I just told them thank you and let them take it all. They were actually doing me a favor because sometimes the trash guys can be peckerpirates about what they want to take away and what they want to leave.

Pretty sure they are going to erect it around their house to keep timshochet out.

Where would one get such a magnificent fence?

I know you can't see it, but at the moment it surrounds this thread.

Great. Now he'll be here in about five minutes. It's like talking to your pitcher in the middle of a no-hitter.

lol

 

[krista4]

I think Krista and I could drink some serious wine together.

I wonder what kinds of situations might develop if that were to happen....

link 4

I lost it here.....

This was the only one I didn't understand. Back the point, YSR, our wine cellars are at your disposal any time you are in Memphis.

 

[krista4]

If somebody were to break into BGP's mom's basement and steal his iPod and you were forced at gunpoint to name ONE song that appeared outside his outsized list of podcasts, what one song would you consider the safest selection?

Me? I'd say it's a 100% lock that he has "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald" on there.

I am not kidding that this was the first song that I thought of.

 

[Ned]

I think Krista and I could drink some serious wine together.

I wonder what kinds of situations might develop if that were to happen....

link 4

I lost it here.....

This was the only one I didn't understand. Back the point, YSR, our wine cellars are at your disposal any time you are in Memphis.

urban dictionary is your friend.

 

[krista4]

I wonder what kinds of situations might develop if that were to happen....

link 4

I lost it here.....

This was the only one I didn't understand. Back the point, YSR, our wine cellars are at your disposal any time you are in Memphis.

urban dictionary is your friend.

"didn't" - past tense, as in I had to look it up.

 

[Aaron Rudnicki]

If somebody were to break into BGP's mom's basement and steal his iPod and you were forced at gunpoint to name ONE song that appeared outside his outsized list of podcasts, what one song would you consider the safest selection?

Me? I'd say it's a 100% lock that he has "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald" on there.

 

[Mr. Pickles]

If somebody were to break into BGP's mom's basement and steal his iPod and you were forced at gunpoint to name ONE song that appeared outside his outsized list of podcasts, what one song would you consider the safest selection?

Me? I'd say it's a 100% lock that he has "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald" on there.

Asked and answered.Beej is a big "Cranius" fan.

link

 

[the rover]

If somebody were to break into BGP's mom's basement and steal his iPod and you were forced at gunpoint to name ONE song that appeared outside his outsized list of podcasts, what one song would you consider the safest selection?

Me? I'd say it's a 100% lock that he has "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald" on there.

Asked and answered.Beej is a big "Cranius" fan.

link

good pull. I was going to go with "Goodbye Horses", but thought it was too obscure.

 

[General Malaise]

If somebody were to break into BGP's mom's basement and steal his iPod and you were forced at gunpoint to name ONE song that appeared outside his outsized list of podcasts, what one song would you consider the safest selection?

Me? I'd say it's a 100% lock that he has "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald" on there.

Asked and answered.Beej is a big "Cranius" fan.

link

Good christ, what is that???

 

[Mr. Pickles]

If somebody were to break into BGP's mom's basement and steal his iPod and you were forced at gunpoint to name ONE song that appeared outside his outsized list of podcasts, what one song would you consider the safest selection?

Me? I'd say it's a 100% lock that he has "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald" on there.

Asked and answered.Beej is a big "Cranius" fan.

link

Good christ, what is that???

The answer to your question.

 

[Celph Titled]

If somebody were to break into BGP's mom's basement and steal his iPod and you were forced at gunpoint to name ONE song that appeared outside his outsized list of podcasts, what one song would you consider the safest selection?

Me? I'd say it's a 100% lock that he has "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald" on there.

Asked and answered.Beej is a big "Cranius" fan.

link

good pull. I was going to go with "Goodbye Horses", but thought it was too obscure.

Nope.

 

[YSR]

If somebody were to break into BGP's mom's basement and steal his iPod and you were forced at gunpoint to name ONE song that appeared outside his outsized list of podcasts, what one song would you consider the safest selection?

Me? I'd say it's a 100% lock that he has "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald" on there.

Asked and answered.Beej is a big "Cranius" fan.

link

Redman got my Captain Placeholder alias killed.

 

[Radical Larry]

If somebody were to break into BGP's mom's basement and steal his iPod and you were forced at gunpoint to name ONE song that appeared outside his outsized list of podcasts, what one song would you consider the safest selection?

Me? I'd say it's a 100% lock that he has "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald" on there.

Give it until at LEAST 1:05

 

[SofaKings]

If somebody were to break into BGP's mom's basement and steal his iPod and you were forced at gunpoint to name ONE song that appeared outside his outsized list of podcasts, what one song would you consider the safest selection?Me? I'd say it's a 100% lock that he has "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald" on there.

Blasphemy! That is the official song of the State of Michigan!

 

[Thorn]

If you ever have a lobster bake, make ####### sure you put the trash in the city bags they take right away. Don't rely on your brother to do it like he said he would on his way out. What fun it is to discover a week later that not only is there rank lobster parts and juice in your trash can, but you have to re-bag it.

Words cannot describe the rankness. I mean I can't even put it on a 10 scale. I need an exponential scale to rate it against the worst odors I have ever encountered. I had to walk away several times to avoid vomiting, and eventually gave up on tying them off for a couple hours to let my stomach settle. When I came back, the stench was just as bad. And this was outside.

Even thinking about it now I have to stifle a gag reflex. Great googily moogily.

Look at me! I eat lobster!

If you need a lobster hook up, let me know. Live or cooked, places here ship overnight (fairly) cheaply.

Hmmm, might have to get some recommendations from you. MK4 will need some lobster for a culinary school thingie soon.

I feel like there needs to be a bradyfan song about Mr. Krista to the tune of Sister Christian.

 

[St. Louis Bob]

They said you have a great ### but no one mentioned anything about your "junk". SorryI like it though!!

I'm not sure how to feel about this.

 

[Gadzooks]

Just took her home.

I'm exhausted...story to be told in the morning when I'm being paid for it. Pics should be forthcoming as well...nothing Tap-worthy yet but I'll work on it.

Things to remember:

Discography

More "does"

Kids

Boy shorts

Definitions

Uh.... I've been waiting for the rest of this story. I'm waiting to fondle myself until I hear it. I hate to admit it, but "boy shorts" has me intrigued.

 

[YSR]

Just took her home.

I'm exhausted...story to be told in the morning when I'm being paid for it. Pics should be forthcoming as well...nothing Tap-worthy yet but I'll work on it.

Things to remember:

Discography

More "does"

Kids

Boy shorts

Definitions

Uh.... I've been waiting for the rest of this story. I'm waiting to fondle myself until I hear it. I hate to admit it, but "boy shorts" has me intrigued.

This is probably fairly telling, but I'm more intrigued by "definitions".

 

[krista4]

They said you have a great ### but no one mentioned anything about your "junk". SorryI like it though!!

I'm not sure how to feel about this.

Nothing, really. Women don't get turned on by guys' junk. This is not news. It is not attractive, in a "whoa, look at that guy's junk" way. Everyone knows that women's stuff is more attractive than men's. Anyone can appreciate a good boob. For guys, if you're going to distinguish yourselves, the ### is the most likely place to do it. Chicks love ###. So you should take this as the highest form of compliment available to you. And also,

 

[Celph Titled]

They said you have a great ### but no one mentioned anything about your "junk". Sorry

I like it though!!

I'm not sure how to feel about this. <_<

Nothing, really. Women don't get turned on by guys' junk. This is not news. It is not attractive, in a "whoa, look at that guy's junk" way. Everyone knows that women's stuff is more attractive than men's. Anyone can appreciate a good boob. For guys, if you're going to distinguish yourselves, the ### is the most likely place to do it. Chicks love ###. So you should take this as the highest form of compliment available to you.

And also,

link

 

[Homer J Simpson]

Just took her home.

I'm exhausted...story to be told in the morning when I'm being paid for it. Pics should be forthcoming as well...nothing Tap-worthy yet but I'll work on it.

Things to remember:

Discography

More "does"

Kids

Boy shorts

Definitions

Uh.... I've been waiting for the rest of this story. I'm waiting to fondle myself until I hear it. I hate to admit it, but "boy shorts" has me intrigued.

This is probably fairly telling, but I'm more intrigued by "definitions".

"Boy shorts" is pretty self-explanatory, "definitions" is much more entertaining.Starting the writeup right now...screw getting paid. I'm drunk and happy.

 

[Homer J Simpson]

But before I start, a quick question.

How F###ING HOT was Mia Sara in Ferris Beuller's Day Off? How the hell did she not parlay that into major stardom? Jebus.

 

[cosjobs]

They said you have a great ### but no one mentioned anything about your "junk". SorryI like it though!!

I'm not sure how to feel about this. <_<

Nothing, really. Women don't get turned on by guys' junk. This is not news. It is not attractive, in a "whoa, look at that guy's junk" way. Everyone knows that women's stuff is more attractive than men's. Anyone can appreciate a good boob. For guys, if you're going to distinguish yourselves, the ### is the most likely place to do it. Chicks love ###. So you should take this as the highest form of compliment available to you. And also,

So do you gals get turned on by the whole ###, or just the ### whole...

 

[krista4]

But before I start, a quick question.How F###ING HOT was Mia Sara in Ferris Beuller's Day Off? How the hell did she not parlay that into major stardom? Jebus.

Mia Sara is a friend of a friend of mine. Same high-end Brooklyn school. Just sayin'. She was very smart as well as everything else.

 

[krista4]

They said you have a great ### but no one mentioned anything about your "junk". SorryI like it though!!

I'm not sure how to feel about this. <_<

Nothing, really. Women don't get turned on by guys' junk. This is not news. It is not attractive, in a "whoa, look at that guy's junk" way. Everyone knows that women's stuff is more attractive than men's. Anyone can appreciate a good boob. For guys, if you're going to distinguish yourselves, the ### is the most likely place to do it. Chicks love ###. So you should take this as the highest form of compliment available to you. And also,

So do you gals get turned on by the whole ###, or just the ### whole...

Seriously? Nicely formed ###. That's all.

 

[Samuel L Bronkowitz]

If somebody were to break into BGP's mom's basement and steal his iPod and you were forced at gunpoint to name ONE song that appeared outside his outsized list of podcasts, what one song would you consider the safest selection?

Me? I'd say it's a 100% lock that he has "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald" on there.

I know I've seen that before but HFS is that top notch entertainment right there <_<

 

[Celph Titled]

But before I start, a quick question.How F###ING HOT was Mia Sara in Ferris Beuller's Day Off? How the hell did she not parlay that into major stardom? Jebus.

Incredibly so.Was this inspired by the thing in the Huffington Post today about the Ferris Bueller Movie Theory? I'm totally on board with that one, btw.

 

[Homer J Simpson]

OK, there are so many things to tell, I'm really not sure where things need to go. In chronological order or from mild stupidity to bats#it craziness? I'm thinking chronological.

Remember, she doesn't have a phone. So when I got a got a call from an unfamiliar number on Monday night I didn't answer...mainly because I have a boatload of debt and get calls from random numbers on a pretty regular basis. But when the same number called twice on Tuesday morning, I answered Destiney's call. We set things up for me to pick her up around 8 (after my golf league) at her cousin's house.

Girls and/or guys that don't golf, feel free to skip the quote box.

So a quick sidestory for the golfers. Our league has dwindled ridiculously this year, to the point where we've been getting 5 or 6 guys on occasion instead of the usual 15 or 20. Tuesday's weather was questionable and two of the other reliable guys had texted me they couldn't make it. I was literally the only one to show up. I WAS A LEAGUE!!! Anyway, I had a cooler packed and the golf bug flowing through my system so I played solo, and as soon as I made the decision I knew what would happen. I shot a 37 with three birdies, and had the scare of my life on the par 3 number 8...from the second I hit it, it was all over the pin and out loud said to myself "F### no!" as I was about to get a hole-in-one without a witness. It just cleared the pin and stuck about six feet deep. I've never been so happy to miss a shot.

I finished my nine in 50 minutes and still had four beers, plus the two before in the parking lot, plus a few more before I got there to pick up my date. My date.I knew when I walked in that she wasn't ready and I had to wait for friggin ever for her to get ready. So during this time I was perusing the random stuff throughout the first floor, sweating my ### off because there was no air conditioning. Anyway, there were guns. Not like an arsenal or anything, but a few hunting rifles. And about 57 hunting knives. From that and some pictures of the cousin and his dad, I was getting a strong outdoorsy, possible Wolverine-esque vibe. So when she started showing me a photo album of family pics that mostly involved dead deer and giant fish, I wasn't real surprised. It was when she came across the polaroid of about 15 dudes posing in front of a Swastika flag that my eyes really bugged out of my head. Her comment was simply, "Yeah, Nazis."

ARE YOU FRIGGIN KIDDING ME? Yeah, Nazis? That's your statement regarding this picture? Yeah, Nazis?!?!?!

Let's get a few things straight here though. At this point, several things are going on:

I'm hot and sweaty and miserable and all I want to do is leave.

My buzz was wearing off and I was ready to kill someone for another beer.

She's wearing a tiny dress.

She's doing all these little girl nervous things, so I know it's a slam dunk.

I haven't been laid in months.

Screw it, I'm sticking with this until the deed is done. So she's living pretty near the bar where I work, but I suggest we go out to a bar in my neighborhood which is out in suburbia. She agrees quickly, but not real sure what I mean by suburbia. Literally she didn't know what suburbia means...she thought it was the name of an actual place.

On the drive, she was pawing through my CD's and handed me one and tells me to play it. I look and it's a burned CD upon which I wrote "G. Love Discography." I was surprised that she knew G Love, but actually she didn't. She just liked the title..."Discography", she said, "That's a great title. Cool word." I didn't have the heart to tell her what that actually means. This girl is seriously borderline riitarded.

So to the "definitions" thing. Granted, I use some uncommon terms, but here are the words she clearly didn't know:

Suburbia

Discography

Inconsolable

Irate

Envelop (as a verb, even though it was used with hand gestures)

When it turned to music (which she does) the terms a capella and indie rock were met with blank stares.

She was also impressed by my use of spectacular. I mean, there are four syllables after all.

I haven't been laid in months.

So as we approach my side of town there are two choices. The bar where my friends and I go regularly, where I go for lunch regularly, and where I'm friends with a couple of the bartenders. Or the bar next door where everyone I know absolutely hates the guy that owns it, and we almost never even step foot into the place. This bar is a half mile from my apartment and I've been there once, and felt bad for even walking in the door. Ummmm, pretty easy decision. Went to the place where there was absolutely no chance of seeing anyone I know.

We hung out for an hour and a half, maybe two. Pretty much ready to kill myself. Thank god for beer, because I was sucking them down like there was a golden ticket at the bottom of each one. At this point, the teeth are becoming a borderline dealbreaker. Seriously, I'm ok with the snaggletooth...I'm actually pissed that Jewel got hers fixed. But these are just awful. Bucktoothed, crooked, horrible things going on. Really awful.

I also learned that she didn't have three kids, she has four. The oldest, which she had at 17, is named Ashton. Yes, you know who he was named after.

So we're supposed to go to another bar, but I suggest we just go back to my place. It's right around the corner, after all. Destiney excitedly agrees.

She's wearing a tiny dress.

I haven't been laid in months.

Seriously, judge me all you want. It doesn't matter. I did what needed to be done.

And yet I have to sit for another 30 minutes while she talks about crap. This is where she really gets into her music career. Because she "does lots of music." She doesn't just do music, she does lots of music. I think her intent was to let me know that she is involved in music of different genres (another word she didn't know) but it may have just been that she's been very busy in whatever genre she does music in. I really had given up even trying to understand anything at this point.

So the whole night she was acting very antsy and when I would ask why, she'd say it was because of me, that I made her nervous. When we'd kiss, she'd turn away after a few seconds saying I was tempting her. Apparently her Christian conscience was getting in the way. So when we were back at my place, a move was made and within three minutes we were in the bedroom. Jesus can suck it.

Crazy-good sex ensued. Remember that line in Election when the teacher that was banging Tracy Flick said "Her p#### gets so wet!" Well yeah, that was my Destiney . Shaved as clean as a 5th grade cheerleader, she was clearly prepared for the evening. And for having a dozen children, her stuff was in surprisingly good shape. Yes, I went down for a visit...I really don't even know how to deliver the lovin' without tearing up the south forty.

Anyway, she showered up and I took her home. The ending to the story has no shot at topping the initial visit to Castle Destiney

I'm sure more tidbits from the evening will pop back into my dome, but you'll just have to settle for this massive amount of text for now.

 

[Homer J Simpson]

But before I start, a quick question.How F###ING HOT was Mia Sara in Ferris Beuller's Day Off? How the hell did she not parlay that into major stardom? Jebus.

Incredibly so.Was this inspired by the thing in the Huffington Post today about the Ferris Bueller Movie Theory? I'm totally on board with that one, btw.

It was on Turner Classics as I was posting. Part of the reason it just took me 4 hours to post my story. Damn, she was spectacular.

 

[Homer J Simpson]

But before I start, a quick question.How F###ING HOT was Mia Sara in Ferris Beuller's Day Off? How the hell did she not parlay that into major stardom? Jebus.

Mia Sara is a friend of a friend of mine. Same high-end Brooklyn school. Just sayin'. She was very smart as well as everything else.

OK, we're going to go with a multi-step plan here, girl.1. I come to Memphis and we begin the journey toward becoming real life friends.2. You come to Youngstown, see me in my natural environment, meet my friends, and things regress quickly.3. I come back to Memphis, convince you that the Youngstown trip never happened, and we become bestest buddies.4. We take a trip to New York or LA or wherever Mia Sara lives and we have a night on the town.5. I sweep her off her feet with my working-class-genius, Good Will Hunting-esque charms.6. In case I don't have those things, we're just going to destroy her self esteem and convince her that I'm a big step up.7. WIf that doesn't work, I kick the crap out of Matthew Broderick. That's gotta help, right?

 

[Bonzai]

They said you have a great ### but no one mentioned anything about your "junk". Sorry

I like it though!!

I'm not sure how to feel about this. <_<

Nothing, really. Women don't get turned on by guys' junk. This is not news. It is not attractive, in a "whoa, look at that guy's junk" way. Everyone knows that women's stuff is more attractive than men's. Anyone can appreciate a good boob. For guys, if you're going to distinguish yourselves, the ### is the most likely place to do it. Chicks love ###. So you should take this as the highest form of compliment available to you.

And also,

link

ok, that one got me.

 

[Bonzai]

Yeah, Nazis.

 

[Thorn]

Just took her home.

I'm exhausted...story to be told in the morning when I'm being paid for it. Pics should be forthcoming as well...nothing Tap-worthy yet but I'll work on it.

Things to remember:

Discography

More "does"

Kids

Boy shorts

Definitions

Uh.... I've been waiting for the rest of this story. I'm waiting to fondle myself until I hear it. I hate to admit it, but "boy shorts" has me intrigued.

This is probably fairly telling, but I'm more intrigued by "definitions".

NERD ALERT

 

[Thorn]

They said you have a great ### but no one mentioned anything about your "junk". SorryI like it though!!

I'm not sure how to feel about this. <_<

Nothing, really. Women don't get turned on by guys' junk. This is not news. It is not attractive, in a "whoa, look at that guy's junk" way. Everyone knows that women's stuff is more attractive than men's. Anyone can appreciate a good boob. For guys, if you're going to distinguish yourselves, the ### is the most likely place to do it. Chicks love ###. So you should take this as the highest form of compliment available to you. And also,

Truth be told, I've always felt the same way about vj-j's.

 

[Shooter McGavin]

Attaboy, Homer. Nothing wrong with a little slumpbuster, and waiting until Friday to post about it was a good move.

 

[guru_007]

Attaboy, Homer. Nothing wrong with a little slumpbuster, and waiting until Friday to post about it was a good move.

and Krista being friends with Mia Sara makes me all kinds of happy inside. A few women a touch older than me that I always had a thing for, list begins with - Salma Hayek, Mia Sara, Meredith Salenger....

 

[Kendall]

Holy crap, Destiney just called. We're going out later.

I really hope as I keep reading that something comes from this post.

 

[Thorn]

Yes, I went down for a visit...I really don't even know how to deliver the lovin' without tearing up the south forty.

,s?

 

[Notorious T.R.E.]

File this under "you read that whole post and this is what you're asking about", but what's the non-verb definition of "envelop"?

 

[Notorious T.R.E.]

Yes, I went down for a visit...I really don't even know how to deliver the lovin' without tearing up the south forty.

,s?

Countdown to blisters on the lips...

 

[DaVinci]

When it turned to music (which she does) the terms a capella and indie rock were met with blank stares.

In my experience, indie rock is usually met with blank stares.

 

[DaVinci]

Yeah, Nazis.

Homer should have responded with "I hate Illinois Nazis", but she probably wouldn't have gotten the reference.

 

[Sammy3469]

File this under "you read that whole post and this is what you're asking about", but what's the non-verb definition of "envelop"?

Destiney's v'j enveloped HJS's peepee

 

[DaVinci]

File this under "you read that whole post and this is what you're asking about", but what's the non-verb definition of "envelop"?

Destiney's v'j enveloped HJS's peepee

That's a verb, Steinbeck.

 

[Tecumseh]

Yes, I went down for a visit...

 

[Sammy3469]

File this under "you read that whole post and this is what you're asking about", but what's the non-verb definition of "envelop"?

Destiney's v'j enveloped HJS's peepee

That's a verb, Steinbeck.

 

[Notorious T.R.E.]

File this under "you read that whole post and this is what you're asking about", but what's the non-verb definition of "envelop"?

Destiney's v'j enveloped HJS's peepee

That's a verb, Steinbeck.

lol

 

[Frostillicus]

I met the guys from Disturbed last week. Seemed pretty cool.

I like how you have an enemies list.Are they on ignore or is it like an eReminder to judo chop them every time they post?

Not on ignore. Just a couple of guys I have to keep my eye on.

 

[Tecumseh]

I met the guys from Disturbed last week. Seemed pretty cool.

I like how you have an enemies list.Are they on ignore or is it like an eReminder to judo chop them every time they post?

Not on ignore. Just a couple of guys I have to keep my eye on.

Apparently Boom King is no longer a threat. (At least not for the next year or so)

 

[Frostillicus]

But before I start, a quick question.How F###ING HOT was Mia Sara in Ferris Beuller's Day Off? How the hell did she not parlay that into major stardom? Jebus.

Incredibly so.Was this inspired by the thing in the Huffington Post today about the Ferris Bueller Movie Theory? I'm totally on board with that one, btw.

What's this now?