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GM's thread about nothing (35 Viewers)
- Thread starter General Malaise
- Start date
Homer J Simpson
I don't push
You were drunk!
Bob Sacamano
Footballguy
And how!
Gadzooks
Footballguy
Update on your son's dong? Isn't there some Adam and Eve joke about Adam telling Eve: "watch out, I'm not sure how big this thing is gonna get"
Gadzooks
Footballguy
I'm in. And if it's too crowded I'll volunteer to share a room with YSR and Early. Cuz I'm a team player.
St. Louis Bob
Footballguy
'eoMMan said:
Sorry GB, work has been crazy good this week. The (female)doctor said to rub some Vaseline on it. No shtick. Thankfully he stopped complaining about it. Who knows WTF is going on in that kids head. We had a meeting with the SSD last night at the library and both of my boys were going nuts. I MEAN CRAZY. They love books and they even love running through the mazes of bookcases even more. More than I care to type happened and I thought I might kill them. We got them home and Cal finished his English homework by writing "I hate my Mommy" as his sentence. I thought she was going to explode. It was a BAD night. Thank God I have a bunch of muscle relaxers.
-fish-
Footballguy
Yeah, imagine that. Actual conversation and interaction. I'm 43. She's mid-30s. She's Swedish, hot and has her own money (which is good because my ex has most of mine).no pics yet.For talking?'-fish- said:How old are you? How old is she?
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Gadzooks
Footballguy
I bet you 2 will make some beautiful Swedish Fish together.Part of the reason I haven't gotten laid in a while is because of stupid jokes like that one, right?Yeah, imagine that. Actual conversation and interaction. I'm 43. She's mid-30s. She's Swedish, hot and has her own money (which is good because my ex has most of mine).no pics yet.For talking?'-fish- said:
Good Posting Judge
Footballguy
Samuel L Bronkowitz
Footballguy
SunnyvaleSpent most of the night at a brewery and was pretty buzzed by the time we got back to the hotel. I got to my room and apparently felt like I needed more beer. Walked to this little place around the corner and had a decent time. Stumbled back around 12:30. Woke up at 7 to get to my training. Lets just say copious amounts of microbrew are making my farts really stinky. This little conference room might need a biohazard team in a few hours'DA RAIDERS said:
Captain Quinoa
Footballguy
that, and your tiny penisI bet you 2 will make some beautiful Swedish Fish together.Part of the reason I haven't gotten laid in a while is because of stupid jokes like that one, right?Yeah, imagine that. Actual conversation and interaction. I'm 43. She's mid-30s. She's Swedish, hot and has her own money (which is good because my ex has most of mine).no pics yet.For talking?'-fish- said:
Disco Stu
Confirmed FBGal
Call sounds good then. Maybe eat an apple to sound casual. :costanza:Good luck.Yeah, imagine that. Actual conversation and interaction. I'm 43. She's mid-30s. She's Swedish, hot and has her own money (which is good because my ex has most of mine).no pics yet.For talking?'-fish- said:
Gadzooks
Footballguy
No more PM's for you, Mr. Blabbermouth.
The_Man
Footballguy
I figured this remedy out for myself. But not until I was about 13 or so.
YSR
Footballguy
I'll take a PM.
General Malaise
Footballguy
Early_10
footballgoddess
I think she'd be good with an actual phone call. -nontexterYeah, imagine that. Actual conversation and interaction. I'm 43. She's mid-30s. She's Swedish, hot and has her own money (which is good because my ex has most of mine).no pics yet.For talking?'-fish- said:
Buck Bradcanon
Footballguy
Buck Bradcanon
Footballguy
Little sis not pan out?That came out wrong.Thats what she said.
-fish-
Footballguy
This is all sort of shtick, based on Disco Stu's attempts to guide woz through his horribly misguided social life. I'm a fairly normal adult who has no problem interacting with other people, although it's true that I haven't dated in 15 years and have no idea how the social etiquette of the whole facebook thing works. I looked her up, read her wall and felt like a stalker. I think I'm good.I think she'd be good with an actual phone call. -nontexterYeah, imagine that. Actual conversation and interaction. I'm 43. She's mid-30s. She's Swedish, hot and has her own money (which is good because my ex has most of mine).no pics yet.For talking?'-fish- said:
The_Man
Footballguy
I'm going to be like Disco Stu and tell you exactly what to text her:Ett, där raringen, jag har du kommit en 12-tums penisYeah, imagine that. Actual conversation and interaction. I'm 43. She's mid-30s. She's Swedish, hot and has her own money (which is good because my ex has most of mine).no pics yet.For talking?'-fish- said:
Gadzooks
Footballguy
YES!!! Wait, I need to know for sure that it is over between you and Stu.
Gadzooks
Footballguy
-fish-
Footballguy
isn't this all going to piss off imp? doesn't he have to approve all communications with iwimmens?
General Malaise
Footballguy
Buck Bradcanon
Footballguy
Im getting clipped tomorrow. Will not post pics.
General Malaise
Footballguy
That thread jumped the shark after I showed up.
General Malaise
Footballguy
General Malaise
Footballguy
DA RAIDERS
Footballguy
Sadly no. With random whores.
facook
Footballguy
General Malaise
Footballguy
Any update here? This kind of thing makes my stomach drop. Sucks, man.
General Malaise
Footballguy
If you think that's bad just wait until you see each other naked 10 years from now.THANK GOODNESS we stayed another two days. Otherwise, we would have totally missed out on the amazingly intimate experience of both of us being... sick... in our cozy 1 bathroom hotel room for the last 14 hours.
pretty nice GMippling going on right now.
General Malaise
Footballguy
Damn it. I was all set to move and join you both until this. F'n snakes.Notes from Granada(yes, Floppy, there really is a Granada in Nicaragua--it's one of the oldest cities in the Americas):
Mr. krista is out shopping for provisions for our first dinner party here, which will be a small group consisting of our Nica friend Rodolfo, his loco friend Julio, a Canadian ex-pat named Andy, and Andy's sposa Maria, who does not speak a word of English.
While he's gone, I'm sitting in the courtyard with this view. Usually this is a peaceful place to sit and read, but right now the neighbors are setting off fireworks. The reasons are unknown, though probably relate to a religious ceremony of some kind. Nicaragua is nearly 90% Catholic, and there is always a religious celebration of some sort going on. Right now I know from Rodolfo that there is something lasting nine days for which he is going to church at 6 every morning. Nicaragua might be the second-poorest country in the western hemisphere, but there is always money for fireworks.
Just now one of the local vendors came by the house singing the name of what he was selling. My Spanish is not good enough to know. But you can buy almost anything here from your front door. The houses generally have heavy wooden doors with an intricate iron-work door in front of the wooden ones. Most people keep the iron doors locked but open up the wooden ones to let the breezes come through. The vendors will come singing up to your door and let you know what they have. Every day you can buy seafood, meat, milk, bread, fruit, vegetables, etc. from them. Some days you can also buy household items, and people will also come around occasionally selling animals, usually a wide variety of birds. In the evening people drag their rocking chairs (which every person has) onto the sidewalk and enjoy the sunset with their neighbors.
If you are an ex-pat here you are considered rich, though everything is so cheap here you needn't be to live here. But in a country with an average wage of less than $100/month and 60% unemployment, I suppose the ex-pats are all well off. When I say cheap, I mean, for example, 75 cents for the excellent (I'm told by Mr. krista) local beer Tona, or $1 for a nacatamale, which will keep you full through breakfast and lunch. Mangoes are free because they are so ubiquitous; you can just pick them up off the ground. You can buy a DVD for less than $1 of the newest releases--for instance, The Hangover II is available already--though you do have to know from whom you're buying so you get the best quality. A person will clean your house four hours a day six days a week (a necessity because of the outdoor living) for $80/month and consider that a desirable job.
The one thing that is extremely expensive here is electricity. Central A/C is unknown, but the rich will have small A/C units in their bedrooms. Some don't have that and rely on ceiling fans, and of course the average Nicaraguan does not even have the fans. Granada is hot and humid year-round and can be very oppressive. You learn to appreciate the A/C very much but no one runs it during the day due to the cost.
Granada is the most tourist-oriented city in Nicaragua and was beginning to boom as a retirement destination in the mid-2000s, until the global financial crisis hit. The boom has slowed but enough people are still looking to buy that some Granadians will have "this house is not for sale" painted on the side of their house. Still, of the 30 or so houses that Mr. krista has seen, all but one was owned by an ex-pat, so there is a large ex-pat presence here, mostly Americans with some Brits, Dutch, Canadians and others thrown in. Not many people in their 30s or 40s, though--mostly retirees in their 60s or backpackers in their teens and early 20s.
As might see from the picture, a typical colonial home in Granada will have a large outdoor space in the middle of the house. The homes in Granada generally have a brightly painted but simple facade, as mentioned with iron gates over large wooden doors. Behind those doors you might find a place in terrible disrepair or an updated mansion, but there is virtually no way to tell from the street. The wooden doors and exterior walls are usually very thick, in part to try to keep the cool air in. You will typically enter a large sala from the street, where you'll find the requisite rocking chairs, maybe a TV, the main living space. Behind that will be an outdoor space, a courtyard with beautiful flowers that might or might not have a pool but will always have at least one hammock. Some of this area will be covered, including the kitchens which are usually also located outside, but the pool and garden will be open air. For that reason you'll get a lot of critters visiting, including the rooftop cats. Yesterday Mr. krista discovered a small snake in the kitchen. Usually the bedrooms are located in the back of the house, where it is quieter and darker.
I don't know why I'm typing all this, but I hope someone will find it interesting.
General Malaise
Footballguy
Yeah, I've been really busy/out of it the last couple weeks and am just now getting around to our little thread here. I missed some great stuff.
General Malaise
Footballguy
What was that story about again? Did I miss this one? Also, curious on how Bfred pronounces his last name.
General Malaise
Footballguy
Excellent...Also, about 15 years ago I met an old hippie who had travelled the globe and said that Nicaragua was his favorite place. At the time, he was a blond haired, blue eyed young man who was a massive hit with the ladies. In the back of my mind, with my flowing blond locks and steely blue eyes, I've always envisioned Nicaragua as a place where I would flourish with the young ladies. And by flourish, I mean score without the need to ply heavily with alcohol.What I'm getting at is this: If/when Mrs. GM 2.0 realizes she's married to a gigantic nincompoop, can I expect to do well in Nicaragua as the Krista's butler and in-house jester?
General Malaise
Footballguy
Did I ever tell you how much I like you and Mr. Krista?Keys, we're just down here to buy right now, with the intention of moving in 2-3 years. All FBG I like are welcome to use the house for free (within reason) until we move.
Leeroy Jenkins
Footballguy
Great Krista post. Very interesting.
I was just listening to Stern and it was an old Chris Rock interview. Did you guys know there was some scam artist who was this Nigerian dude with a ring of hot white chicks whom he would send to married black celebrities to bang, and then the Nigerian would impregnate the chick with the hope that the celebrity would just pay money to avoid media and paternity testing etc.? Genius.
I was just listening to Stern and it was an old Chris Rock interview. Did you guys know there was some scam artist who was this Nigerian dude with a ring of hot white chicks whom he would send to married black celebrities to bang, and then the Nigerian would impregnate the chick with the hope that the celebrity would just pay money to avoid media and paternity testing etc.? Genius.
Disco Stu
Confirmed FBGal
Thread needs your in-depth analysis.That thread jumped the shark after I showed up.
St. Louis Bob
Footballguy
Tornado warning's until 9. Several tornadoes have been spotted around town. Some people are scared of spiders, snakes or sharks. I'm terrified of tornadoes. I'm just going to keep shoving chicken wings and veggies dipped in blue cheese down my gullet. Oh, there goes the sirens again.
-fish-
Footballguy
This seems pretty reasonable. Spiders don't lift up your house and throw it a mile or two.
krista4
Footballguy
coming, maybe when we're back in the States or later tonight if I get drunk. Getting to know the Nicaraguan legal system pretty well now. Might be employing it to put a couple of liens on a couple of people's houses tomorrow morning. Fun!DA RAIDERS and GM welcome to the Nicaraguan abode when/if we close. It is a different house than the one we came down to buy. It does not have barstools in the pool :( but does have a pool table and a jacuzzi, though I'm not sure why you would ever use a jacuzzi here.
GM, you would do very well here. You would stand out (as I do with very pale skin and blonde hair) and would probably be swimming in women.I forgot to mention that after our dinner party on Sunday, when we got up to go watch the Bulls game, the two other women here scrambled into the kitchen to start doing all the dishes. I yelled, "No, no, no!" (excellent Spanish, eh?) and then saw the horrified looks on everyone's faces and realized that it would be considered rude for me not to allow them to do it. The guys told me that they enjoy doing the dishes and would be offended not to. So the guys and I watched TV for about 30 minutes while they cleaned the whole kitchen.
Missed what happened to SLB's kid's dong, but hope all is well now.
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General Malaise
Footballguy
We had a soap in the pee hole issue the other night in the shower (little GM II, not me). I told him the only way to make it go away was to pee, which just made him really really mad at me at first before realizing the searing pain was not permanent.
General Malaise
Footballguy
I'm in, but my wife has to come. I need a handler for out of country all cornholes.
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