What's new
Fantasy Football - Footballguys Forums

This is a sample guest message. Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!

GM's thread about nothing (45 Viewers)

Why there needs to be a special Facebook just for senior citizens:My mom calls me on my cell at 11:00 last night. She never calls that late. I assume it is something serious. Turns out that my Uncle Gary, who is in town for this big family reunion we have today, tried to send his daughter (my cousin Pam) a message.Of course he doesn't send her the message one-on-one...he posts it to her wall by accident. He was just telling her that he made into town safely and everything was good but he also said something a little unflattering about another family member. My mom calls me because they want to take it down but can't do it. Gary is staying at my mom's house so he was right there when she called.So there's about 5 minutes of me saying "No, just move the cursor over the right and click the "x". No, right by Gary's name...to the right...the right...it's a little black X...TO THE RIGHT...AN X...CLICK IT..."In the meantime I'm on FB refreshing my cousin's page to see if it is still there. I was about to just ask for my uncle's password when this happens:Mom: OK, Gary says he did it. He removed it from Pam's page.Me: Yeah, I just checked and it's gone. Good.Mom: OK, now how do we get it off of everybodyelse's pages?Me: watMom: Is there a way to delete it from all the other people who can see it?Me: (really tempted to tell her that she has to call everyone in our family and tell them to delete it too) Don't worry about it, Mom. It's gone forever. Nobody can see it. Mom: OH! That was it? Me: Yep. It's gone forever.Mom: OH THANK YOU, HONEY.Me: No problem. Mom? No more computer time for you and your little brother. Go to bed.
:lmao: :lmao: This sounds like my mom. She's always calling me with computer stuff. I thought we had mastered the basic skill of cut and paste. But the last time she called, she had no clue. "Mom, just right click and choose copy, them move your curser where you want to put it, right click and choose paste." She doesn't know what I'm talking about. She wants to put it on the desktop, but doesn't even know what it is. "Mom, just click anywhere on your desktop, right click and paste." She doesn't know what a desktop is. "Mom, the desktop is the screen you're looking at. You have a picture of you and dad there. just click anywhere on it, click on your nose, it really doesn't matter. Click on dad's nose. Do it!" Her answer, "I don't know what you're talking about." ARRRRRRRGGH!!!
 
Why there needs to be a special Facebook just for senior citizens:My mom calls me on my cell at 11:00 last night. She never calls that late. I assume it is something serious. Turns out that my Uncle Gary, who is in town for this big family reunion we have today, tried to send his daughter (my cousin Pam) a message.Of course he doesn't send her the message one-on-one...he posts it to her wall by accident. He was just telling her that he made into town safely and everything was good but he also said something a little unflattering about another family member. My mom calls me because they want to take it down but can't do it. Gary is staying at my mom's house so he was right there when she called.So there's about 5 minutes of me saying "No, just move the cursor over the right and click the "x". No, right by Gary's name...to the right...the right...it's a little black X...TO THE RIGHT...AN X...CLICK IT..."In the meantime I'm on FB refreshing my cousin's page to see if it is still there. I was about to just ask for my uncle's password when this happens:Mom: OK, Gary says he did it. He removed it from Pam's page.Me: Yeah, I just checked and it's gone. Good.Mom: OK, now how do we get it off of everybodyelse's pages?Me: watMom: Is there a way to delete it from all the other people who can see it?Me: (really tempted to tell her that she has to call everyone in our family and tell them to delete it too) Don't worry about it, Mom. It's gone forever. Nobody can see it. Mom: OH! That was it? Me: Yep. It's gone forever.Mom: OH THANK YOU, HONEY.Me: No problem. Mom? No more computer time for you and your little brother. Go to bed.
Your mom sounds hot.
 
I can put you in touch with someone who can get rid of any person for 5 C notes, though.
Let me throw a hypothetical out there, and I'm just thinking out loud here, so it really is a hypothetical, but what would this someone say if they were to get seven or eight C notes to deal with a certain set of parental units who may or may not be harassing an ifriend of mine, as well as a hypothetical FBG acquaintance? Suppose the pretend couple were really easy to locate and it would be equally easy to make it look like a pile of roofing materials or furniture or bricks or collectible dolls or what-have-you fell on them?
:lmao: :lmao:
 
Why there needs to be a special Facebook just for senior citizens:My mom calls me on my cell at 11:00 last night. She never calls that late. I assume it is something serious. Turns out that my Uncle Gary, who is in town for this big family reunion we have today, tried to send his daughter (my cousin Pam) a message.Of course he doesn't send her the message one-on-one...he posts it to her wall by accident. He was just telling her that he made into town safely and everything was good but he also said something a little unflattering about another family member. My mom calls me because they want to take it down but can't do it. Gary is staying at my mom's house so he was right there when she called.So there's about 5 minutes of me saying "No, just move the cursor over the right and click the "x". No, right by Gary's name...to the right...the right...it's a little black X...TO THE RIGHT...AN X...CLICK IT..."In the meantime I'm on FB refreshing my cousin's page to see if it is still there. I was about to just ask for my uncle's password when this happens:Mom: OK, Gary says he did it. He removed it from Pam's page.Me: Yeah, I just checked and it's gone. Good.Mom: OK, now how do we get it off of everybodyelse's pages?Me: watMom: Is there a way to delete it from all the other people who can see it?Me: (really tempted to tell her that she has to call everyone in our family and tell them to delete it too) Don't worry about it, Mom. It's gone forever. Nobody can see it. Mom: OH! That was it? Me: Yep. It's gone forever.Mom: OH THANK YOU, HONEY.Me: No problem. Mom? No more computer time for you and your little brother. Go to bed.
Your mom sounds hot.
You have no chance. She doesn't drink.BURRRRRNNNNNN!
 
Why there needs to be a special Facebook just for senior citizens:My mom calls me on my cell at 11:00 last night. She never calls that late. I assume it is something serious. Turns out that my Uncle Gary, who is in town for this big family reunion we have today, tried to send his daughter (my cousin Pam) a message.Of course he doesn't send her the message one-on-one...he posts it to her wall by accident. He was just telling her that he made into town safely and everything was good but he also said something a little unflattering about another family member. My mom calls me because they want to take it down but can't do it. Gary is staying at my mom's house so he was right there when she called.So there's about 5 minutes of me saying "No, just move the cursor over the right and click the "x". No, right by Gary's name...to the right...the right...it's a little black X...TO THE RIGHT...AN X...CLICK IT..."In the meantime I'm on FB refreshing my cousin's page to see if it is still there. I was about to just ask for my uncle's password when this happens:Mom: OK, Gary says he did it. He removed it from Pam's page.Me: Yeah, I just checked and it's gone. Good.Mom: OK, now how do we get it off of everybodyelse's pages?Me: watMom: Is there a way to delete it from all the other people who can see it?Me: (really tempted to tell her that she has to call everyone in our family and tell them to delete it too) Don't worry about it, Mom. It's gone forever. Nobody can see it. Mom: OH! That was it? Me: Yep. It's gone forever.Mom: OH THANK YOU, HONEY.Me: No problem. Mom? No more computer time for you and your little brother. Go to bed.
Your mom sounds hot.
You have no chance. She doesn't drink.BURRRRRNNNNNN!
does she smoke?if there's one thing I learned from Family Guy, it's "If she smokes, she pokes".
 
Just to be clear, I would like to have sex with all of your wives. And a some of your moms.
You're in luck, my Mom drinks. I would totally brag to my friends about how my Mom hooked up Super Bowl champion Trent Dilfer.And to add to the "old people should stay away computers" theme: my Mother's biggest issue is double clicking the mouse. She can't do it right. She somehow clicks it about 4 to 5 times and if nothing happens immediately, she will then do it again and again. It's not uncommon to find that she has about 17 opened windows of her homepage on the computer at all times.
 
Thanks for the birthday wishes, guys. It's almost enough to make me forgive SLB's Wall post. :lol:

jplvr, I love your dog. I mean, I don't want to have sex with him/her or anything, nor do I actually want to sex up any of your wives. I'm not quite sure I posted about them, other than the effects of many glasses of wine.

Somehow last night I ended up doing several shots in addition to gobs of wine. I don't remember when was the last time prior to that that I had had shots. :hangover:

 
Just to be clear, I would like to have sex with all of your wives. And a some of your moms.
:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: For some reason this made me think of History of the World Part I when Mel Brooks (as Louis XIV) is playing a live person game of chess -- only with GMTAN edits.

K4 takes Truck's wife!

SLB takes Truck's wife!

Truck takes Truck's wife!

GANGBANG!

 
Move in week in one of the most liberal college cities around and I choose Whole Foods for lunch. ###### bad move

Hippies everywhere

 
Last edited by a moderator:
My 85 year old grandmother still comes into the office to work. We don't let her do much these days, but in the last 7-8 years, she has downloaded enough viruses to kill 4 different computers.The most interesting day ever was when she managed to shift her monitor "upside down." I had to look-up that fix online, but for the first couple of minutes, I was trying to turn my head upside down to manipulate the mouse to the correct locations on the screen.She still types lower case l's and uses zeroes for capitalized 0's because that's how typewriters worked in the 40's and 50's when she was a legal secretary.Old people and computers don't mix. Sadly, I can already tell I'm getting less tech savy by the day. I'll be the same way eventually, I'm sure.
I have that beat, my nephews FIL decided to finally try out a computer at the library. He couldn't get anything to work, and noticed people start laughing, rather loud. Had no clue why they were laughing but was becoming extremely frustrated.A librarian finally walked over to him and told him the mouse is meant to be moved on the mouse pad, not on the monitor.True story.
 
Thanks for the birthday wishes, guys. It's almost enough to make me forgive SLB's Wall post. :lol:

jplvr, I love your dog. I mean, I don't want to have sex with him/her or anything, nor do I actually want to sex up any of your wives. I'm not quite sure I posted about them, other than the effects of many glasses of wine.

Somehow last night I ended up doing several shots in addition to gobs of wine. I don't remember when was the last time prior to that that I had had shots. :hangover:
Oh...... You're not 50? :excited:

Happy birthday ;)

 
Just remember - someday our kids and grandkids will laugh at our inability to grasp technology.

My mom is a whiz with this stuff. She has been texting for years. She's got the internet down better than I do. She belongs to a forum or two. Meanwhile my dad takes 5 minutes to send out a 3 word text chock full of numerous mistakes.

 
Oh, and last night? I had two small vodka on the rocks. Don't remember the end of the USMNT game or going upstairs to sleep. Apparently at some point during the night, I was shirtless. Reginald Cornsilks has been advising me on a low carb diet and I'm becoming a terribly cheap date.
Don't worry, you didn't miss much. It was a snoozer all around.
 
Oh, and last night? I had two small vodka on the rocks. Don't remember the end of the USMNT game or going upstairs to sleep. Apparently at some point during the night, I was shirtless. Reginald Cornsilks has been advising me on a low carb diet and I'm becoming a terribly cheap date.

.
It doesn't take much to knock you down when you're lowcarbing it.Sick to hard liqour with no mixers if possible - those are the lowest carbs - you can count 3 carbs for most hard liqours that are 90 proof (per 1 ounce).

Maker's Mark neat is my drink of choice. Just be careful, the first time I went out drinking after losing the 100 pounds (I didn't drink during my diet), I had way too much and made a huge scene.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
Move in week in one of the most liberal college cities around and I choose Whole Foods for lunch. ###### bad move

Hippies everywhere
Ugh. I can sympathize. I live in what must be the biggest liberal college town in America. We went through this last weekend. You go from zero traffic to gridlock and Wegmans turns into a bipolar experience (for me). Negative: too many ####### people! Positive: almost half are hot chicks in skimpy clothes wandering frozen food isles!

 
My 85 year old grandmother still comes into the office to work. We don't let her do much these days, but in the last 7-8 years, she has downloaded enough viruses to kill 4 different computers.

The most interesting day ever was when she managed to shift her monitor "upside down." I had to look-up that fix online, but for the first couple of minutes, I was trying to turn my head upside down to manipulate the mouse to the correct locations on the screen.

She still types lower case l's and uses zeroes for capitalized 0's because that's how typewriters worked in the 40's and 50's when she was a legal secretary.

Old people and computers don't mix. Sadly, I can already tell I'm getting less tech savy by the day. I'll be the same way eventually, I'm sure.
I have that beat, my nephews FIL decided to finally try out a computer at the library. He couldn't get anything to work, and noticed people start laughing, rather loud. Had no clue why they were laughing but was becoming extremely frustrated.A librarian finally walked over to him and told him the mouse is meant to be moved on the mouse pad, not on the monitor.

True story.
:lmao:
 
FDAS better stock up on heartburn medication and beer... lots of beer.

No flash on old phone, but Bear showing out for Krista.
:lmao: Awesome. That is one good-looking dog.Speaking of good-looking, I'd say that Rochelle is currently my hottest friend. In addition, she is extremely smart and hellishly fun--probably the person I know who would be most likely to try anything once just because. We were friends in Memphis, but she recently moved to Chicago and I've been trying to get her hooked in with my friends here.

Not a woman alive that I think Homer could love more than her.

 
'dharmapunk said:
'krista4 said:
K4> Your friend Ms. Nonsense is cute. :thumbup:
:thumbup: She is, and she's my best friend in Chicago. saintfool has met her in person.
So....you hitting that?
:lmao: She did have a female friend she used to make out with a lot (though she's straight), but even though she lived with me for three months during a break-up, the most we ever did was walk down the street with our hands in each other's pockets, all sixth-grade-like.
 
We were finishing lunch with friends today outside when a big storm started, so we hightailed it inside only to have the building we were in get struck by lightning. No fire, injuries, etc. but more than a bit freaky. :shock:

 
Happy birthday, K4!

Some random stuff:

Has anyone here ever gone toe-to-toe with Absente and won? Even without doing that stupid spoon-and-sugar-cube thing? I tried valiantly last night and got smoked. It's like potable acid.

I'm thinking about getting one of those compost barrels. We just started recycling here in Hillbillyland and the vast bulk of my "real" garabge nowadays is left over food/organics. Are they worth it or something that looks better on paper?

Thanks to whomever approved me on the FB page. I rarely even visit my own, but I feel like the dork who's got gym with all of the cool kids.

 
'dharmapunk said:
'krista4 said:
K4> Your friend Ms. Nonsense is cute. :thumbup:
:thumbup: She is, and she's my best friend in Chicago. saintfool has met her in person.
So....you hitting that?
:lmao: She did have a female friend she used to make out with a lot (though she's straight), but even though she lived with me for three months during a break-up, the most we ever did was walk down the street with our hands in each other's pockets, all sixth-grade-like.
uber-hot.hsppy b-day!

 

Users who are viewing this thread

Back
Top