dharmapunk
Footballguy
I never liked fishing with dynamite.
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GM's thread about nothing (25 Viewers)
- Thread starter General Malaise
- Start date
St. Louis Bob
Footballguy
How my day started yesterday:
6:00 Despite drinking Saturday night and going to be late, I can't sleep, FOOTBALL!
7:00 Everybody is asleep, I'll just run to McDonald's to get some food so I don't wake anybody.
7:15 Return from McDonald's everybody in the house is awake an alert. WTF?! Turns out the lady that died 8 months ago somehow to arrange a delivery AT 7:10 ON A SUNDAY MORNING! Oh well, FOOTBALL!
9:40 WTF is my cab?! He was supposed to be her half an hour ago?
9:50 Cab arrives. "Take me to Chesterfield Mall, I'm meeting somebody there to take me to the game." Call my cousin, I'll be there in about 20 cab finally got here.
10:10 Phone rings, "We're pulling up now". What do you mean you are on your way home? Oh, other cousin brought the BBQ pit but forgot charcoal and an actually grill? F-ing stoney. I'll see you in front of the Cheesecake Factory.
10:30 After a lot of stares from upper class people looking at this bald, bloated white guy wearing a Hawaiian shirt with a cooler just hanging out in front of The Cheescake Factory on a Sunday morning, while texting McJose crass things, my other cousin finally arrives.
10:50 Arrive downtown. Get charcoal started.
10:55 No, I don't want whiskey. I'm just drinking beer today. Need to be sharp for work tomorrow.
11:10 Some black guy asks me if I want a good deal on some gold chains. I ask him if they are stolen. He replies no. I tell him I'm not interested then. He replies he was lying and he just stole them off the rack. I told him I didn't feel like I could trust him now and to kindly leave me alone. Everybody laughs.
11:20 Steak sandwiches!
11:40-12:10 ####### security. Burn in hell Bin Laden.
12:20 DEFENSE! DEFENSE! Suck it Vick you dog torturing #####!
12:25 Steven Jackson TOUCHDOWN! YES! THIS COULD BE OUR YEAR!
12:30-1:30 What's wrong with Jackson? Why is he just standing on the side line. What's wrong with Jackson?
1:30-2:30 So we can't catch, aren't going to throw down field or rush Vick. Same old Rams.
2:31 Screw it I'm drinking doubles now.
2:XX Bradford is hurt now? Amendola too? Also Jason Smith? More doubles please.
It gets kind of hazy after that but I vaguely remember talking to my Russian cab driver, Boris, about how Stalin starved out the Ukraine....
He seemed pleasantly surprised that I knew my history. Tanner< 
6:00 Despite drinking Saturday night and going to be late, I can't sleep, FOOTBALL!
7:00 Everybody is asleep, I'll just run to McDonald's to get some food so I don't wake anybody.
7:15 Return from McDonald's everybody in the house is awake an alert. WTF?! Turns out the lady that died 8 months ago somehow to arrange a delivery AT 7:10 ON A SUNDAY MORNING! Oh well, FOOTBALL!
9:40 WTF is my cab?! He was supposed to be her half an hour ago?
9:50 Cab arrives. "Take me to Chesterfield Mall, I'm meeting somebody there to take me to the game." Call my cousin, I'll be there in about 20 cab finally got here.
10:10 Phone rings, "We're pulling up now". What do you mean you are on your way home? Oh, other cousin brought the BBQ pit but forgot charcoal and an actually grill? F-ing stoney. I'll see you in front of the Cheesecake Factory.
10:30 After a lot of stares from upper class people looking at this bald, bloated white guy wearing a Hawaiian shirt with a cooler just hanging out in front of The Cheescake Factory on a Sunday morning, while texting McJose crass things, my other cousin finally arrives.
10:50 Arrive downtown. Get charcoal started.
10:55 No, I don't want whiskey. I'm just drinking beer today. Need to be sharp for work tomorrow.
11:10 Some black guy asks me if I want a good deal on some gold chains. I ask him if they are stolen. He replies no. I tell him I'm not interested then. He replies he was lying and he just stole them off the rack. I told him I didn't feel like I could trust him now and to kindly leave me alone. Everybody laughs.
11:20 Steak sandwiches!
11:40-12:10 ####### security. Burn in hell Bin Laden.
12:20 DEFENSE! DEFENSE! Suck it Vick you dog torturing #####!
12:25 Steven Jackson TOUCHDOWN! YES! THIS COULD BE OUR YEAR!
12:30-1:30 What's wrong with Jackson? Why is he just standing on the side line. What's wrong with Jackson?
1:30-2:30 So we can't catch, aren't going to throw down field or rush Vick. Same old Rams.
2:31 Screw it I'm drinking doubles now.
2:XX Bradford is hurt now? Amendola too? Also Jason Smith? More doubles please.
It gets kind of hazy after that but I vaguely remember talking to my Russian cab driver, Boris, about how Stalin starved out the Ukraine....
He seemed pleasantly surprised that I knew my history. Tanner<
Last edited by a moderator:
St. Louis Bob
Footballguy
A couple of things:
Cal can't figure out how to tie his shoes yet he was able to figure out how to use Mrs. SLB's iphone to video conference my Dad. He also taught my Dad how to do it using his cell. I was blown away last night when he showed me. Of course I was sort of drunk. This is what I'm dealing with when it comes to my son.
We have somebody that wants to make an offer on the house and somebody else looking at it tonight. The RA says she is emotionally attached to our house and has compared every other house she has looked at over the last month to it. She is pre-approved so that is good. As I was writing this, we just hit a stumbling block because this person just discovered the enormous amount of taxes she would have to pay. Hey, at least you got crappy schools and crime! Make me an offer! FML
Cal can't figure out how to tie his shoes yet he was able to figure out how to use Mrs. SLB's iphone to video conference my Dad. He also taught my Dad how to do it using his cell. I was blown away last night when he showed me. Of course I was sort of drunk. This is what I'm dealing with when it comes to my son.
We have somebody that wants to make an offer on the house and somebody else looking at it tonight. The RA says she is emotionally attached to our house and has compared every other house she has looked at over the last month to it. She is pre-approved so that is good. As I was writing this, we just hit a stumbling block because this person just discovered the enormous amount of taxes she would have to pay. Hey, at least you got crappy schools and crime! Make me an offer! FML
Last edited by a moderator:
commisholio
Come out with your pants down!
St. Louis Bob
Footballguy
Oh yeah, Mrs. SLB now has FOUR bulging disks in her back. I'm taking her to have cortisone injections tomorrow morning. I think I'm going to wait until the anesthesia kicks in before pitching my idea of getting myself a f buddy.
Good Posting Judge
Footballguy
Look on the bright side, you could change one letter in this sentence and it's WAY worse.
dharmapunk
Footballguy
Captain Quinoa
Footballguy
in her bank?
check an email on occasion, fo realz.
fatguyinalittlecoat
Footballguy
Sour bulging disks.
fatguyinalittlecoat
Footballguy
"in her bark."
jplvr
Footballguy
He said worse, not right.
Josie Maran
Footballguy
Mr. SLB?
Good Posting Judge
Footballguy
Winner. Seriously, how hard was that?
Drifter
Footballguy
As the games go on, they'll start to focus on the ones that are close more.RZC is 703 on Directv. It's pretty cool but it seemed like they stayed on CLE/CIN too much earlier this afternoon.
Notorious T.R.E.
Showdown!™ Administrator
Maybe if she's all numbed up down there you can, you know...do stuff.
Notorious T.R.E.
Showdown!™ Administrator
Leave him a message, he likes that shtick.
McJose
Footballguy
McJose
Footballguy
Certain people are still posting in the pics thread despite the fact that they suck.
General Malaise
Footballguy
Don't forget, I have an empty warehouse just ripe for a good idea. Need: Ideas on making money.TIA
-fish-
Footballguy
Can you turn it into an indoor soccer facility? I recently found out that the one in our area is pretty profitable. Something about it raining 10 months a year here.
-fish-
Footballguy
Are they juggalos? We may need to start some kind of vetting process over there.
Last edited by a moderator:
McJose
Footballguy
Yeah it's the same guy. Brutal.
Good Posting Judge
Footballguy
I think they're pretty good.
-fish-
Footballguy
after the work that homer and bender have been doing in there, that should be grounds for a vacation.
-fish-
Footballguy
problem with him is that he usually posts a whole string of brutally unfunny pics, with like 1 or 2 decent ones of hot chicks that sort of redeem it.I think they're pretty good.
St. Louis Bob
Footballguy
Took the whole family to the Oregon game yesterday. Got off to a late start as I had to coach my sons' soccer game at 9am. We lost 3-1. I think the head coach needs to be fired. Traffic heading down to Eugene was brutal. It was stop and go at one point near a little hell-hole called "Albany". The reason it was backed up? People were slowing down/stopping to look at a boat show in the middle of a field. A 90 minute drive turned into 120 minutes of torture.Parking for the games is a real pain in the butt. If you don't come early, you must fend for yourself and park somewhere remotely close to the stadium. This gave us a nice 2 mile/20 minute walk with one pissed off 7 year old because he forgot a change of shoes despite us telling him multiple times to bring a pair to change into after the soccer game. His forgetfulness forced me to buy him a cheap pair of shoes at Fred Meyer where I guestimated his shoe size at 3. He's a 1. And he let us freaking know it every step of the miserable walk from the car to the stadium where we were missing most of the 1st quarter of action.Meanwhile, the go-getting rah rah rah 8 year old was hell bent on getting to our seats, so I had to try to keep up with him while motivating petulant Pete the entire way. Oh, and it was the hottest day of the year yesterday and easily the hottest game I've ever been to in 11 years of going to Ducks games. As we were getting close to the game, a group of girls were leaving, complaining about the heat. I laughed at them, thinking 'my god, what would these poor girls do if they went to school in the south?" And then we got to our seats. And baked in the 1pm sun with 55,000 people jam packed into a metal stadium. It. Was. MISERABLE. Did I mention I left my sun block in the car? Thank god my wife got our boys earlier in the day. My neck looks like a gosh damn stop sign. My pasty white thighs have red patches of nasty sun burn. The second quarter took forever, with the clock stopping every time the Ducks scored, which was quite a bit in Q2. With 4 minutes to go in the half, I begged my 8 year old to go with me for a cold drink. Daddy needed a beer and so we marched to the beer garden in hopes of beating the rest of the crowd. Whoops. As bad as it was inside the stadium, the beer garden was worse. It was like standing in line for beer in Kuwait. Hundreds of fans jam packed on top of one another, eager to fork out 8 dollars for a Coors. My son was parked right outside, waiting for me. As time ticked on, I could see two ladies talking to him. I was terrified that they were going to alert authorities about an abandoned child whose dad was in line for alcohol. But thankfully, they were incredibly nice, totally understood and said how well mannered and grown up my son was. Phew....We endured about 1 more quarter of action in the stands and that was all we could take. When they reached 62 points, I told the crew we were going to hit Track Town Pizza, sit in A/C and enjoy some food and drinks. Best call of the day as this time, we did beat the crowd.Cannot believe as a native Texan I'm complaining about a 95 degree day to watch college football. I need my own butt kicked.
People like to complain here that watching the Rams in the Dome isn't "real" football. Well you know what, the AC felt really nice yesterday. You know what else? Having the furnace cranked up and watching the game in short sleeves in a month is really nice too.Also, being you are originally from a southern state, I heard some gal on the radio this morning say she was "born & bred" in Mississippi. I've noticed this phrase often amongst southern folk. Is this a slave thing? YSR, feel free to help out.
St. Louis Bob
Footballguy
Took half my stuff?
McJose
Footballguy
YSR
Footballguy
The best I have on this: my ex used to say that he was reared in KY, versus raised. To him and/or his family, it was more proper to be "born and reared" in a certain city than it was to have been "born and raised". Probably had to do with slavery as well.I say Born and Raised, only because it's the South and I'm from a small-to-medium town and that stuff still goes a long way. Born and Bred seems a little ridiculous though.Took the whole family to the Oregon game yesterday. Got off to a late start as I had to coach my sons' soccer game at 9am. We lost 3-1. I think the head coach needs to be fired. Traffic heading down to Eugene was brutal. It was stop and go at one point near a little hell-hole called "Albany". The reason it was backed up? People were slowing down/stopping to look at a boat show in the middle of a field. A 90 minute drive turned into 120 minutes of torture.Parking for the games is a real pain in the butt. If you don't come early, you must fend for yourself and park somewhere remotely close to the stadium. This gave us a nice 2 mile/20 minute walk with one pissed off 7 year old because he forgot a change of shoes despite us telling him multiple times to bring a pair to change into after the soccer game. His forgetfulness forced me to buy him a cheap pair of shoes at Fred Meyer where I guestimated his shoe size at 3. He's a 1. And he let us freaking know it every step of the miserable walk from the car to the stadium where we were missing most of the 1st quarter of action.Meanwhile, the go-getting rah rah rah 8 year old was hell bent on getting to our seats, so I had to try to keep up with him while motivating petulant Pete the entire way. Oh, and it was the hottest day of the year yesterday and easily the hottest game I've ever been to in 11 years of going to Ducks games. As we were getting close to the game, a group of girls were leaving, complaining about the heat. I laughed at them, thinking 'my god, what would these poor girls do if they went to school in the south?" And then we got to our seats. And baked in the 1pm sun with 55,000 people jam packed into a metal stadium. It. Was. MISERABLE. Did I mention I left my sun block in the car? Thank god my wife got our boys earlier in the day. My neck looks like a gosh damn stop sign. My pasty white thighs have red patches of nasty sun burn. The second quarter took forever, with the clock stopping every time the Ducks scored, which was quite a bit in Q2. With 4 minutes to go in the half, I begged my 8 year old to go with me for a cold drink. Daddy needed a beer and so we marched to the beer garden in hopes of beating the rest of the crowd. Whoops. As bad as it was inside the stadium, the beer garden was worse. It was like standing in line for beer in Kuwait. Hundreds of fans jam packed on top of one another, eager to fork out 8 dollars for a Coors. My son was parked right outside, waiting for me. As time ticked on, I could see two ladies talking to him. I was terrified that they were going to alert authorities about an abandoned child whose dad was in line for alcohol. But thankfully, they were incredibly nice, totally understood and said how well mannered and grown up my son was. Phew....We endured about 1 more quarter of action in the stands and that was all we could take. When they reached 62 points, I told the crew we were going to hit Track Town Pizza, sit in A/C and enjoy some food and drinks. Best call of the day as this time, we did beat the crowd.
jplvr
Footballguy
Can't he just stick to posting the hot chicks?problem with him is that he usually posts a whole string of brutally unfunny pics, with like 1 or 2 decent ones of hot chicks that sort of redeem it.I think they're pretty good.
Good Posting Judge
Footballguy
Notorious T.R.E.
Showdown!™ Administrator
Full of awesome.
Bogart
Footballguy
McJose
Footballguy
You need your own syndication deal with some daily papers.
McJose
Footballguy
I bet a lot of straight guys have been reared in Kentucky.The best I have on this: my ex used to say that he was reared in KY, versus raised. To him and/or his family, it was more proper to be "born and reared" in a certain city than it was to have been "born and raised". Probably had to do with slavery as well.I say Born and Raised, only because it's the South and I'm from a small-to-medium town and that stuff still goes a long way. Born and Bred seems a little ridiculous though.Took the whole family to the Oregon game yesterday. Got off to a late start as I had to coach my sons' soccer game at 9am. We lost 3-1. I think the head coach needs to be fired. Traffic heading down to Eugene was brutal. It was stop and go at one point near a little hell-hole called "Albany". The reason it was backed up? People were slowing down/stopping to look at a boat show in the middle of a field. A 90 minute drive turned into 120 minutes of torture.Parking for the games is a real pain in the butt. If you don't come early, you must fend for yourself and park somewhere remotely close to the stadium. This gave us a nice 2 mile/20 minute walk with one pissed off 7 year old because he forgot a change of shoes despite us telling him multiple times to bring a pair to change into after the soccer game. His forgetfulness forced me to buy him a cheap pair of shoes at Fred Meyer where I guestimated his shoe size at 3. He's a 1. And he let us freaking know it every step of the miserable walk from the car to the stadium where we were missing most of the 1st quarter of action.Meanwhile, the go-getting rah rah rah 8 year old was hell bent on getting to our seats, so I had to try to keep up with him while motivating petulant Pete the entire way. Oh, and it was the hottest day of the year yesterday and easily the hottest game I've ever been to in 11 years of going to Ducks games. As we were getting close to the game, a group of girls were leaving, complaining about the heat. I laughed at them, thinking 'my god, what would these poor girls do if they went to school in the south?" And then we got to our seats. And baked in the 1pm sun with 55,000 people jam packed into a metal stadium. It. Was. MISERABLE. Did I mention I left my sun block in the car? Thank god my wife got our boys earlier in the day. My neck looks like a gosh damn stop sign. My pasty white thighs have red patches of nasty sun burn. The second quarter took forever, with the clock stopping every time the Ducks scored, which was quite a bit in Q2. With 4 minutes to go in the half, I begged my 8 year old to go with me for a cold drink. Daddy needed a beer and so we marched to the beer garden in hopes of beating the rest of the crowd. Whoops. As bad as it was inside the stadium, the beer garden was worse. It was like standing in line for beer in Kuwait. Hundreds of fans jam packed on top of one another, eager to fork out 8 dollars for a Coors. My son was parked right outside, waiting for me. As time ticked on, I could see two ladies talking to him. I was terrified that they were going to alert authorities about an abandoned child whose dad was in line for alcohol. But thankfully, they were incredibly nice, totally understood and said how well mannered and grown up my son was. Phew....We endured about 1 more quarter of action in the stands and that was all we could take. When they reached 62 points, I told the crew we were going to hit Track Town Pizza, sit in A/C and enjoy some food and drinks. Best call of the day as this time, we did beat the crowd.
General Malaise
Footballguy
General Malaise
Footballguy
Soccer team lost 3-1 on Saturday. We had numerous opportunities to score, but they just couldn't fire the ball into the net. We need to finish.
My solution? I'm going to the Dollar Store right now and I'm buying water balloons and duct tape. I'm going to tape the water balloons all over my body and sit in the middle of our goal box at practice. I want our boys to literally blow me up tonight.
Also hoping they sell nut cups at the Dollar Store.
My solution? I'm going to the Dollar Store right now and I'm buying water balloons and duct tape. I'm going to tape the water balloons all over my body and sit in the middle of our goal box at practice. I want our boys to literally blow me up tonight.
Also hoping they sell nut cups at the Dollar Store.
McJose
Footballguy
I think Amos Alonzo Stagg employed this very same technique.
Josie Maran
Footballguy
I hate being sick. Somebody bring me some soup.
McJose
Footballguy
Soup cures cirrhosis?
Woogie Lee
Footballguy
McJose
Footballguy
Seriously. He hinted at it in the 9/11 paragraph thread. Anyone know?
General Malaise
Footballguy
I had that parlay as well and was counting my money all night long. Also had Cowboys -3.5 +350 (or so) on an alternate line.Screw you, Tony Romo. You have cost me more freaking money than any player in football. I hope the next time you go to Mexico, you get Montazuma's Revenge and your crank falls off.All we needed was a FG, bro....that's all we needed. Idiot.'cosjobs said:I had the over (41) and the Cowboys on the money line (+250) for a 300$ parlay.I'm kinda pissed right now.I also had the points and the over for 100, so I won spare change, but rom0 cost me about 1800'McJose said:He did OK fantasy-wise but there are a few people that actually want the Cowboys to win.'gamera said:I dunno, he was OK in the two leagues I started him.'McJose said:
General Malaise
Footballguy
Pretty sure they didn't have tape, balloons or free flowing water back then, smart guy.
YSR
Footballguy
There's always Rite Aid.
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