Gadzooks
Footballguy
You send multiple drunk texts that made no sense (I think a few of them were in some language other than english) and yet you can't send one pic of the bathroom shenanigans? Selfish.
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GM's thread about nothing (30 Viewers)
- Thread starter General Malaise
- Start date
Keys Myaths
Pokerguy
The texts he sends make no sense. But nothing on this?
Kev4029
Footballguy
Unless the sister and the ex were good friends before the marriage, after the divorce the sister should have probably pretty much cut ties with the ex, IMO.
St. Louis Bob
Footballguy
We sold our house. 
Also, between this recent Bronkowitz story and the post his blushing bride made on the FB, I want to punch him in the liver.
Also, between this recent Bronkowitz story and the post his blushing bride made on the FB, I want to punch him in the liver.
Samuel L Bronkowitz
Footballguy
For the record, no my sister was not friends with my ex. They were cordial but it ended there.
Still furious
Still furious
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Samuel L Bronkowitz
Footballguy
Congrats!1We sold our house.
St. Louis Bob
Footballguy
Congrats!1We sold our house.
Thanks GB. Apparently people are watching me or something because both offers on the house have come on a Sunday night after I've been drinking all day. Definitely the best time to negotiate with me.
Guster
Footballguy
We sold our house.
awesome to have that behind you!
Homer J Simpson
I don't push
:noted:Congrats!1We sold our house.
Sconch
Footballguy
So you're like homeless now? Oh, nevermind.We sold our house.
El Floppo
Footballguy
SLB- congrats on the house... you were sitting on both the new house and old one for a little bit, IIRC- right? must be a relief.
Is Fish's ladyfriend interested in married guys? I could always use some couple's counseling.
btw- I think Green Tea Ginger-ale might be the single greatest invention of the 21st century.
Is Fish's ladyfriend interested in married guys? I could always use some couple's counseling.
btw- I think Green Tea Ginger-ale might be the single greatest invention of the 21st century.
St. Louis Bob
Footballguy
Thanks GB!We sold our house.
Thanks, yes it is.
St. Louis Bob
Footballguy
Yesterday started for me with a phone call with this news. This is the daughter of a friend of ours. Couldn't stop crying yesterday so I got ####ty, ####ty, drunk. I seriously hate life at times. What a ####### joke.
shuke
Black Ice Skeptic
Horrible. Sorry, buddy.
#######it that's horrible.
Sconch
Footballguy
Damn.
UOFI_316
Footballguy
Hawks64
Footballguy
Horrible. Just ####### awful. Really sorry SLB.
-fish-
Footballguy
I have a 7 year old daughter and couldn't make it past the second paragraph of that story. Awful. So sorry.
Tremendous Upside
Footballguy
oof
El Floppo
Footballguy
with mediation?
St. Louis Bob
Footballguy
Thanks guys. It just doesn't seem real. I can't imagine what their family is going through. This was Joe's daughter who I graduated from HS with. I was a lot close to his older brother
but we all hung around together. They grew up down the street from Mrs. SLB so she has been GB's with them her whole life. I used to help Tony set up before I was 21 so I could get in clubs and drink. One of the greatest times of my life was when Tony had me sing Dock Of The Bay at a party while he played guitar. I feel like I'm going to throw up. I think I'm going to leave now and go hug my wife & kids.
but we all hung around together. They grew up down the street from Mrs. SLB so she has been GB's with them her whole life. I used to help Tony set up before I was 21 so I could get in clubs and drink. One of the greatest times of my life was when Tony had me sing Dock Of The Bay at a party while he played guitar. I feel like I'm going to throw up. I think I'm going to leave now and go hug my wife & kids.
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-fish-
Footballguy
Do it.
St. Louis Bob
Footballguy
Leaving now.
Sconch
Footballguy
You'll be interested to know that "talk" comes from a Latin word that means "to stab repeatedly with a steak knife".
-fish-
Footballguy
I really wish she didn't know where I live. It's a small town, and she also knows which bars I frequent.
Sconch
Footballguy
Disco Stu
Confirmed FBGal
urbanhack
Fight The Power!
Keys Myaths
Pokerguy
We sold our house.
dharmapunk
Footballguy
My condolences, GB.But sometimes I think you need to move again. With the child abductors, roadside slaughters, and perverts watching you be, well, a pervert, you might want to think of getting out of the midwest. Or at least out of the Missouri/Kansas twilight zone.
dharmapunk
Footballguy
dharmapunk
Footballguy
Is it bad that Fatal Attraction was one of my earliest, um, 'materials' to explore this thing people told me was just 'puberty'? I had a VHS player in my room and a tape with various sex scenes I'd recorded from HBO films, chief among them being when Michael Douglas first plows Glenn Close against a wall. Why did I just admit that?
General Malaise
Footballguy
Ugh. So sorry. I'm not letting my kids drive until they are 45.
General Malaise
Footballguy
Yuck. I hope it gets better for you. Think I've said this multiple times, but my sister and ex-wife did not like each other very much and it played a big role in destroying the marraige. Wasn't the only problem, but it never went away and just led to other, bigger problems. F'n sisters.
General Malaise
Footballguy
Thursday morning, flew cross country from Portland to Philadelphia through Denver on Southwest airlines with my fastidious father and anxiety riddled mother who chooses to fill any silence in the air with idle chit-chat and vapid questions that really don't need to be asked. Apparently, I walk too fast for them and they didn't much like it that I went through the TSA security line without them, despite the fact that we had 90 minutes until our flight was away.
Because my father fails at technology like Homer fails at sobriety, he wasn't able to figure out how to print boarding passes the night before, so I was essentially last in the cattle call for SW, meaning I was forced into the middle seat next to a white Shaquile O'Neal and an elderly woman who spent 99% of her time fidgeting through her gigantic purse to pull out tissues, lotion, mini-candies, snacks, lamps, rabbits, fuzzy dice and a Yugo. Meanwhile, my mother who was more than a few rows back kept shouting out my name to get me to turn around to see if I would be interested in shouting back over the sleeping passengers to talk about frivolous and trivial topics.
When we landed in Denver, my mother vowed to secure three seats together using her combination of award winning charm and obnoxious persistence. I disavowed her of that plan by selecting the first open seat I could find between a relatively attractive Asian gal and a slim, thin, neat gay man. It was between these two smaller, calmer creatures that I began to use up my free drink coupons like St Louis Bob uses up tissues near his home computer.
We arrived in Phily at 7:30pm and were welcomed off the plane by my sister who whined to my parents about not coming to this wedding a few days prior and despite the fact my mother has sworn up and down she wouldn't help my sister out with any money bought her a last minute ticket to Phily at what I can only presume was a high cost.
They went to luggage and secured our bags while I took a rather long bus ride to Thrifty Rental car where Hotwire gifted me with a royal blue Mercury Grand Marquis for the price of a compact. I would have preferred a Smart Car or a roller skate. This thing was a gigantic boat with a trunk big enough to hold at least 4 bodies. I would have liked to have stashed at least 3 bodies in there for the long ride to my Aunt's house near Valley Forge. Every time my speedometer climbed over the speed limit, my mother would shout out "SLOW DOWN!". Did I mention this car had two speedometers? God love the American made behemoths.
At my aunt's house was my cousin, who was getting married this Sat and her husband to be Tim. Tim’s sister and mother were there as well as some other people I’d never met before. Nice folks, but I had important business at 9pm. That's when the Ducks were kicking off. But I had a better chance of giving birth than I did of leaving this madness for a sports bar. My aunt, who is an 'antique dealer', swore up and down she had a nice TV to watch the game. It was an antique itself and about the size of a King Charles Spaniel. And now I get to mention her husband, who is, beyond a doubt, the loudest, most annoying human being on the planet. Every story you have will be topped by this clown. Most of his stories start off with him gesticulating wildly before realizing he doesn't even have a point to any of them and will tend to sit back down with his tail between his legs. His wife treats him like a monkey-butler and constantly shouts him down.
To make matters worse, this jackhole has Tivo, so anytime somebody said anything huddled around the TV, he would rewind the game and restart it. Only he operated this thing like Woz might a Space Shuttle and so you never had any real sense of what was happening in the most critical of moments. And he was flipping around between the Ducks and the Yankees like a man on crack and I never before wanted to pick a man up and remove him from his own house in all my life but I swear I got close.
I didn't check into my hotel until 1:30am. My dad and I planned to go to Gettysburg the next morning. It's a two hour drive from where we were and we had a 10am reservation to take a tour. This man has an obsession with being early. That meant a 6am wake up call. Did I mention that the night before I went bowling with Cosjobs, my wife and two sons?
Because my father fails at technology like Homer fails at sobriety, he wasn't able to figure out how to print boarding passes the night before, so I was essentially last in the cattle call for SW, meaning I was forced into the middle seat next to a white Shaquile O'Neal and an elderly woman who spent 99% of her time fidgeting through her gigantic purse to pull out tissues, lotion, mini-candies, snacks, lamps, rabbits, fuzzy dice and a Yugo. Meanwhile, my mother who was more than a few rows back kept shouting out my name to get me to turn around to see if I would be interested in shouting back over the sleeping passengers to talk about frivolous and trivial topics.
When we landed in Denver, my mother vowed to secure three seats together using her combination of award winning charm and obnoxious persistence. I disavowed her of that plan by selecting the first open seat I could find between a relatively attractive Asian gal and a slim, thin, neat gay man. It was between these two smaller, calmer creatures that I began to use up my free drink coupons like St Louis Bob uses up tissues near his home computer.
We arrived in Phily at 7:30pm and were welcomed off the plane by my sister who whined to my parents about not coming to this wedding a few days prior and despite the fact my mother has sworn up and down she wouldn't help my sister out with any money bought her a last minute ticket to Phily at what I can only presume was a high cost.
They went to luggage and secured our bags while I took a rather long bus ride to Thrifty Rental car where Hotwire gifted me with a royal blue Mercury Grand Marquis for the price of a compact. I would have preferred a Smart Car or a roller skate. This thing was a gigantic boat with a trunk big enough to hold at least 4 bodies. I would have liked to have stashed at least 3 bodies in there for the long ride to my Aunt's house near Valley Forge. Every time my speedometer climbed over the speed limit, my mother would shout out "SLOW DOWN!". Did I mention this car had two speedometers? God love the American made behemoths.
At my aunt's house was my cousin, who was getting married this Sat and her husband to be Tim. Tim’s sister and mother were there as well as some other people I’d never met before. Nice folks, but I had important business at 9pm. That's when the Ducks were kicking off. But I had a better chance of giving birth than I did of leaving this madness for a sports bar. My aunt, who is an 'antique dealer', swore up and down she had a nice TV to watch the game. It was an antique itself and about the size of a King Charles Spaniel. And now I get to mention her husband, who is, beyond a doubt, the loudest, most annoying human being on the planet. Every story you have will be topped by this clown. Most of his stories start off with him gesticulating wildly before realizing he doesn't even have a point to any of them and will tend to sit back down with his tail between his legs. His wife treats him like a monkey-butler and constantly shouts him down.
To make matters worse, this jackhole has Tivo, so anytime somebody said anything huddled around the TV, he would rewind the game and restart it. Only he operated this thing like Woz might a Space Shuttle and so you never had any real sense of what was happening in the most critical of moments. And he was flipping around between the Ducks and the Yankees like a man on crack and I never before wanted to pick a man up and remove him from his own house in all my life but I swear I got close.
I didn't check into my hotel until 1:30am. My dad and I planned to go to Gettysburg the next morning. It's a two hour drive from where we were and we had a 10am reservation to take a tour. This man has an obsession with being early. That meant a 6am wake up call. Did I mention that the night before I went bowling with Cosjobs, my wife and two sons?
Sconch
Footballguy
Cool story but I'm a little sad that you didn't throw me into the mix. Something like "I disavowed her of that plan by selecting the first open seat I could find between a relatively attractive Asian gal and a slim, thin, neat gay man who was like Tanner but was homosexual so he didn't nail every stewardess like Tanner would have because he's such a freaking cacksman."Thursday morning, flew cross country from Portland to Philadelphia through Denver on Southwest airlines with my fastidious father and anxiety riddled mother who chooses to fill any silence in the air with idle chit-chat and vapid questions that really don't need to be asked. Apparently, I walk too fast for them and they didn't much like it that I went through the TSA security line without them, despite the fact that we had 90 minutes until our flight was away.
Because my father fails at technology like Homer fails at sobriety, he wasn't able to figure out how to print boarding passes the night before, so I was essentially last in the cattle call for SW, meaning I was forced into the middle seat next to a white Shaquile O'Neal and an elderly woman who spent 99% of her time fidgeting through her gigantic purse to pull out tissues, lotion, mini-candies, snacks, lamps, rabbits, fuzzy dice and a Yugo. Meanwhile, my mother who was more than a few rows back kept shouting out my name to get me to turn around to see if I would be interested in shouting back over the sleeping passengers to talk about frivolous and trivial topics.
When we landed in Denver, my mother vowed to secure three seats together using her combination of award winning charm and obnoxious persistence. I disavowed her of that plan by selecting the first open seat I could find between a relatively attractive Asian gal and a slim, thin, neat gay man. It was between these two smaller, calmer creatures that I began to use up my free drink coupons like St Louis Bob uses up tissues near his home computer.
We arrived in Phily at 7:30pm and were welcomed off the plane by my sister who whined to my parents about not coming to this wedding a few days prior and despite the fact my mother has sworn up and down she wouldn't help my sister out with any money bought her a last minute ticket to Phily at what I can only presume was a high cost.
They went to luggage and secured our bags while I took a rather long bus ride to Thrifty Rental car where Hotwire gifted me with a royal blue Mercury Grand Marquis for the price of a compact. I would have preferred a Smart Car or a roller skate. This thing was a gigantic boat with a trunk big enough to hold at least 4 bodies. I would have liked to have stashed at least 3 bodies in there for the long ride to my Aunt's house near Valley Forge. Every time my speedometer climbed over the speed limit, my mother would shout out "SLOW DOWN!". Did I mention this car had two speedometers? God love the American made behemoths.
At my aunt's house was my cousin, who was getting married this Sat and her husband to be Tim. Tim’s sister and mother were there as well as some other people I’d never met before. Nice folks, but I had important business at 9pm. That's when the Ducks were kicking off. But I had a better chance of giving birth than I did of leaving this madness for a sports bar. My aunt, who is an 'antique dealer', swore up and down she had a nice TV to watch the game. It was an antique itself and about the size of a King Charles Spaniel. And now I get to mention her husband, who is, beyond a doubt, the loudest, most annoying human being on the planet. Every story you have will be topped by this clown. Most of his stories start off with him gesticulating wildly before realizing he doesn't even have a point to any of them and will tend to sit back down with his tail between his legs. His wife treats him like a monkey-butler and constantly shouts him down.
To make matters worse, this jackhole has Tivo, so anytime somebody said anything huddled around the TV, he would rewind the game and restart it. Only he operated this thing like Woz might a Space Shuttle and so you never had any real sense of what was happening in the most critical of moments. And he was flipping around between the Ducks and the Yankees like a man on crack and I never before wanted to pick a man up and remove him from his own house in all my life but I swear I got close.
I didn't check into my hotel until 1:30am. My dad and I planned to go to Gettysburg the next morning. It's a two hour drive from where we were and we had a 10am reservation to take a tour. This man has an obsession with being early. That meant a 6am wake up call. Did I mention that the night before I went bowling with Cosjobs, my wife and two sons?
Guster
Footballguy
You've had a terrible run of luck recently. Sorry to hear that. You're due for an incredible streak of good luck
General Malaise
Footballguy
I'm just avoiding sending out our quarterly letters and statements to our partners today....
General Malaise
Footballguy
Also, after 3 days of heavy boozing and a series of long long flights, I'm pretty sure I peed snot this morning.
Kev4029
Footballguy
Other than root beer, Dr. Pepper Ten is by far the tastiest diet pop around.
Bogart
Footballguy
Which Diet Root Beer do you prefer? I haven't found one I like yet, but I haven't tried many Diet ones.
Angry Beavers
Footballguy
Smirnoff Rootbeer Vodka with regular rootbeer does the trick. The vodka is also 100 proof so it'll do the job.
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