SofaKings
Footballguy
Used my bbq light this morning buddy!
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GM's thread about nothing (49 Viewers)
- Thread starter General Malaise
- Start date
Homer J Simpson
I don't push
i think i love youNot sure if I mentioned this before, but the week before I banged the virgin I hooked up with a 43 year old chick...guess which one decided to start bringing the crazy!
43 was at the bar last night and we exchanged some texts about a possible late-night rendezvous. All was well until I was hanging out at bar #2 after-hours and was dealing with some drama. So I wasn't really paying attention to my phone...and the 4 dozen texts this nutcase was sending me. So after I beat the #### out of my former boss (yes, barfight!) I got home and finally checked my phone and saw the extraordinary levels of bat####tery that had flown my way.
Here was my response. Screencap.
And before you ask, yes I still went over to have the sex.
Guster
Footballguy
Guster
Footballguy
Great song! Any other good ones you recommend?
Guster
Footballguy
Sconch
Footballguy
Moar, please.
-fish-
Footballguy
Atta boyNot sure if I mentioned this before, but the week before I banged the virgin I hooked up with a 43 year old chick...guess which one decided to start bringing the crazy!
43 was at the bar last night and we exchanged some texts about a possible late-night rendezvous. All was well until I was hanging out at bar #2 after-hours and was dealing with some drama. So I wasn't really paying attention to my phone...and the 4 dozen texts this nutcase was sending me. So after I beat the #### out of my former boss (yes, barfight!) I got home and finally checked my phone and saw the extraordinary levels of bat####tery that had flown my way.
Here was my response. Screencap.
And before you ask, yes I still went over to have the sex.
Homer J Simpson
I don't push
I'm learning from the best.Atta boyNot sure if I mentioned this before, but the week before I banged the virgin I hooked up with a 43 year old chick...guess which one decided to start bringing the crazy!
43 was at the bar last night and we exchanged some texts about a possible late-night rendezvous. All was well until I was hanging out at bar #2 after-hours and was dealing with some drama. So I wasn't really paying attention to my phone...and the 4 dozen texts this nutcase was sending me. So after I beat the #### out of my former boss (yes, barfight!) I got home and finally checked my phone and saw the extraordinary levels of bat####tery that had flown my way.
Here was my response. Screencap.
And before you ask, yes I still went over to have the sex.
Guster
Footballguy
"One size fits most adults"
Guster
Footballguy
I got a beta invite and it was just meh for megoogle seems to be putting out a whole lot of crap these days
Guster
Footballguy
Guster
Footballguy
Sconch
Footballguy
Guster
Footballguy
whoever gets you in the GMTAN secret santa thing that won't happen is gonna have a huge head start
Gadzooks
Footballguy
Ah, my traditional Thanksgiving hangover is almost completely gone. I woke up in a very hazy fog and enjoyed all the Thorn texts on my phone while I tried to piece together how I got home. I know there was no way I drove home, so I wondered where my car might possibly be when one of my buddies called me to say that my car keys were under the front seat of my car. Apparently he drove me home and had his wife drive my car to my house. I am most Thankful for them.
I assume every other town in America is the same as mine in that the night before Thanksgiving is like a giant reunion at all the bars. I thought I might have had a chance with somewhat hot 22 year old blonde. This young vixen walks up to me and says "hey I know you, you work at the bank right? I work at the Credit Union across the street." Turns out that she works in Marketing for the Credit Union and then I immediately realized who she was. I'm on the Board for the Chamber of Commerce with a guy name Paul from that Credit Union and he and I go out for beers after meetings all the time. Like me, he is a horny divorced Dad and he was recently telling me about this new hot 22 year old girl that started working in their marketing department, and though he'd been trying very hard, he said she kept shooting down his advances . So I ask this girl to take a pic of her and I and then send it to Paul. She giggles in a way that only a hot 22 year old girl can giggle, and she gladly takes the pic of us and sends it to Paul. She then says "Ok, now give me your number" I thought this was kind of forward for a young girl, but I graciously gave her my digits. She then went to the bathroom and I went to bar and did more shots. I didn't see her again as the bar was completely packed and very chaotic. At last call, me and another friend left and went down the street to another bar where we knew the owner would let us stay and drink until the sun came up. I didn't really give her any more thought because I figured a hot 22 year old like her could have her pick of the litter. After drinking more at the next bar, I get a text from the 22 year old asking where I went and she was sad she didn't get to say good bye to me. I'm not gonna lie, I felt like a STUd having this hot 22 year old pursuing me. We text back and forth a few times, and then all of a sudden she sends the following text:
Her: Wait, you're not old like Paul, are you?
Now for the first time in my life, I actually felt "old". This Paul guy, who she considers to be "old" is actually 3 years YOUNGER than me. I'm 36 and people always think I'm younger than I am, I must have a young-looking face or something. So I've now reached the point that a hot 22 year old girl would consider me "old". So I text back:
Me: C'mon, Paul's not old.
Her: Eww, yes he is. He's old and divorced and kinda creepy.
Her: Ugh.. if you think he's not old, then you're probably close to his age. Tell me you're not, like 30.
Me: Nope, I'm not 30.
Her: Thank God.
Her: So how old are you?
At this point, I figure it's time to end the shananagens and tell her the truth. You know, do the right thing. So I did:
Me: I'm 28
Don't judge me, all you dickmittens would've done the same thing. We texted a little more, but all the shots made me unable to function anymore. This morning she texted me saying "sorry I didn't text you back, I kinda passed out, lol".
Well I think my hangover is almost cured. I'm gonna do some pushups, man-scape, get a good night's sleep and then get back on the saddle tomorrow night.
Oh, I'll also add that if you request a pic of random Boobies from Thorn, he sends it within 1 minute every time. Also, apparently when I get really drunk, I send Tanner some strange PMs. It's probably best that I don't have his cell #.
I assume every other town in America is the same as mine in that the night before Thanksgiving is like a giant reunion at all the bars. I thought I might have had a chance with somewhat hot 22 year old blonde. This young vixen walks up to me and says "hey I know you, you work at the bank right? I work at the Credit Union across the street." Turns out that she works in Marketing for the Credit Union and then I immediately realized who she was. I'm on the Board for the Chamber of Commerce with a guy name Paul from that Credit Union and he and I go out for beers after meetings all the time. Like me, he is a horny divorced Dad and he was recently telling me about this new hot 22 year old girl that started working in their marketing department, and though he'd been trying very hard, he said she kept shooting down his advances . So I ask this girl to take a pic of her and I and then send it to Paul. She giggles in a way that only a hot 22 year old girl can giggle, and she gladly takes the pic of us and sends it to Paul. She then says "Ok, now give me your number" I thought this was kind of forward for a young girl, but I graciously gave her my digits. She then went to the bathroom and I went to bar and did more shots. I didn't see her again as the bar was completely packed and very chaotic. At last call, me and another friend left and went down the street to another bar where we knew the owner would let us stay and drink until the sun came up. I didn't really give her any more thought because I figured a hot 22 year old like her could have her pick of the litter. After drinking more at the next bar, I get a text from the 22 year old asking where I went and she was sad she didn't get to say good bye to me. I'm not gonna lie, I felt like a STUd having this hot 22 year old pursuing me. We text back and forth a few times, and then all of a sudden she sends the following text:
Her: Wait, you're not old like Paul, are you?
Now for the first time in my life, I actually felt "old". This Paul guy, who she considers to be "old" is actually 3 years YOUNGER than me. I'm 36 and people always think I'm younger than I am, I must have a young-looking face or something. So I've now reached the point that a hot 22 year old girl would consider me "old". So I text back:
Me: C'mon, Paul's not old.
Her: Eww, yes he is. He's old and divorced and kinda creepy.
Her: Ugh.. if you think he's not old, then you're probably close to his age. Tell me you're not, like 30.
Me: Nope, I'm not 30.
Her: Thank God.
Her: So how old are you?
At this point, I figure it's time to end the shananagens and tell her the truth. You know, do the right thing. So I did:
Me: I'm 28
Don't judge me, all you dickmittens would've done the same thing. We texted a little more, but all the shots made me unable to function anymore. This morning she texted me saying "sorry I didn't text you back, I kinda passed out, lol".
Well I think my hangover is almost cured. I'm gonna do some pushups, man-scape, get a good night's sleep and then get back on the saddle tomorrow night.
Oh, I'll also add that if you request a pic of random Boobies from Thorn, he sends it within 1 minute every time. Also, apparently when I get really drunk, I send Tanner some strange PMs. It's probably best that I don't have his cell #.
cosjobs
Footballguy
Guster
Footballguy
Be honest, we won't tell anyone... do they look like you got drunk and hacked them with ####ty scissors?
Sconch
Footballguy
So we went there and had a couple of drinks with no plans of really doing anything else. Then my sister showed up with one of her BFFs. They hung out with us for a while and then said they were going to this pizza place to meet up with another old friend that lives out of town. I guess the friend gets together with her in-laws ever year there. So they invited us. The pizza place was pretty much a drag. My wife and the other broads just sat and talked while I sat by myself.BUT I hadn't been to this place in years. It used to be a local chain with like 5-6 locations. Now it's just one. I went up to the bar to get a beer and was shocked to find out that a 12oz mug was $1.80 or something stupid. And we're not talking some Hamms or crap but BUD LIGHT. Premium light beer for less than $2. I felt like such a winner.
Guster
Footballguy
Sconch
Footballguy
I know, right?At the wine bar I had one of these and one of these.
The Bud Light was a nice change of pace. Almost felt like going out for a run.
SHIZNITTTT
Footballguy
Yep, that one with http://sureasshiretalk.files.wordpress.com/2010/10/samgamgee.jpg this football stud.
Bogart
Footballguy
Guster
Footballguy
if they had PBR, you'd be doing laps around the place right nowI know, right?At the wine bar I had one of these and one of these.
The Bud Light was a nice change of pace. Almost felt like going out for a run.
on the ESB. don't know the other one. I put down 6 winter beers and just poured the last pint from a half gallon of apple pie moonshine. it's taken me about 3 minutes to type this correctly, but what the hell, it's a holiday!
Guster
Footballguy
after posting this i decided to check my phone to see how many FBG numbers i already have... a quick count puts me at 8. not sure how i feel about that, but my gut reaction is
Guster
Footballguy
just wanted to share that i've been conversing with a girl i met recently
she looks almost exactly like my recent ex-girlfriend. as in when my friends meet her, they'll probably call her the wrong name.
she's a little younger, a little thinner and a couple cup sizes smaller, but if you didn't know better, you'd swear they were sisters at the very least
yeah, awesome. it's only a matter of time before i'm drunk and call her the wrong name
no way this ends well
she looks almost exactly like my recent ex-girlfriend. as in when my friends meet her, they'll probably call her the wrong name.
she's a little younger, a little thinner and a couple cup sizes smaller, but if you didn't know better, you'd swear they were sisters at the very least
yeah, awesome. it's only a matter of time before i'm drunk and call her the wrong name
no way this ends well
SHIZNITTTT
Footballguy
http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/paula-deen/not-yo-mamas-banana-pudding-recipe/index.html
Had this today, best thing that has ever been in my mouth!
Had this today, best thing that has ever been in my mouth!
Sconch
Footballguy
Samuel Smith's IPA Not bad at all. Now this is my go-to beer when we go to this place. Alleycat Amber. Just a nice, solid, low priced amber.if they had PBR, you'd be doing laps around the place right nowI know, right?At the wine bar I had one of these and one of these.
The Bud Light was a nice change of pace. Almost felt like going out for a run.
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Tremendous Upside
Footballguy
TGiving dinner => Muppets Movie => Bar for late football. Pretty awesome day. Wish I didn't have to work tomorrow.
Guster
Footballguy
ah, i've had Samuel Smith's Nut Brown Ale before - thought it was pretty good!Samuel Smith's IPA Not bad at all. Now this is my go-to beer when we go to this place. Alleycat Amber. Just a nice, solid, low priced amber.if they had PBR, you'd be doing laps around the place right nowI know, right?At the wine bar I had one of these and one of these.
The Bud Light was a nice change of pace. Almost felt like going out for a run.
Guster
Footballguy
oh, and i still live with said ex-gf for the time being... (different bedrooms/ends of the apartment)fml
Homer J Simpson
I don't push
I think Thorn is planning a trip to Youngstown.
Tomorrow.
God help me if he's serious.
Tomorrow.
God help me if he's serious.
Homer J Simpson
I don't push
You poor dumb *******.
Guster
Footballguy
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