SofaKings
Footballguy
have you been a bad girl? You know its xmas in march....
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GM's thread about nothing (12 Viewers)
- Thread starter General Malaise
- Start date
Samuel L Bronkowitz
Footballguy
:slowlydropspants:
Samuel L Bronkowitz
Footballguy
:slowlydropspants:
Samuel L Bronkowitz
Footballguy
The local news just had a story on St Paul's day. The head cop (snicker) said "Your friends don't need to get drunk. You should have someone at the bar with you who doesn't drink"
Samuel L Bronkowitz
Footballguy
I think I won 3 times tonight
Gadzooks
Footballguy
Samuel L Bronkowitz
Footballguy
5 categories
[*]Quickest (time from erection to ejaculation)
[*]Farthest (distance from penis to landing spot)
[*]Most volume :woz: (can you fill a 2 oz shot glass)
[*]Fastest (radar gun)
[*]Gay (if you can get off from a dude)
I won 3 categories in the CUM (Central Uganda Masturbat-off) in 1998.
bentley
Footballguy
Are we talking purely speed or are there some kind of style points involved? Maybe bonuses for including props. I don't know.
shuke
Black Ice Skeptic
Would smash
Gadzooks
Footballguy
Ok, I guess we can't.I almost got a dildo shoved up my ###### tonight, but luckily, I avoided it. Oh and it was like the mid-1990's tonight for me: I stepped up and delivered 3 times. 3 times!!!! As 22 YO was getting ready to leave, she said to me "wanna run upstairs and have sex one more time?" And I replied: "sweetie, it's either one or the other, there's no way I'm running upstairs AND having sex"
Samuel L Bronkowitz
Footballguy
So you ran upstairs and fell asleep right?
General Malaise
Footballguy
On board.Hoops and its family is a deck.
$*&$*Y(*#&$(27 it.
Gadzooks
Footballguy
She tried to trick with me the old "roll over and I'll give you a massage" I could feel her 2 hands really rubbing my shoulders, then I only felt one hand and I wondered where her hand was. I was able clinch before she made the attack. I ain't falling for no banana in my tail pipe #axelfoley#
General Malaise
Footballguy
Man, I LOVE GM's Thread About Nothing After Dark. 
Going to pour another red wine and smoke something that comes in a baby food jar.
Going to pour another red wine and smoke something that comes in a baby food jar.
Samuel L Bronkowitz
Footballguy
Fax me some wine. While youre at it, fax me $100 for the UNLV bet I took on your word. Appreciate it GBMan, I LOVE GM's Thread About Nothing After Dark.
Going to pour another red wine and smoke something that comes in a baby food jar.
Gadzooks
Footballguy
And way to focus on the near butt-raping I almost endured and offer no congratulations on me having sex 3 times tonight!!! I'm thrilled for you on your evening of masturbating to a weather girl while probably eating cupcakes. How about some reciprocation?
Samuel L Bronkowitz
Footballguy
You haven't lived until your cornhole has been penetrated during sex. I've said too much
General Malaise
Footballguy
Take the injection, Betty. You might just like it. There's a reason why guys stay in prison. Just saying....
Samuel L Bronkowitz
Footballguy
I can't believe there's 1400 pages of this stuff.
There might be 30 pages total of useful info
Monkeyface Prickleback
Footballguy
HELLO, they're post-neanderthal analogue synthesists, what do you expect??? They never take them off, btw. Not sure how they see or play their instruments and it must get hot as hell, but the Fartbarf show must go on. They'll also don orange NASA jumpsuits.
So yeah, Fartbarf are already better than KIZZ and chicks totally dig them.
Samuel L Bronkowitz
Footballguy
Ok, I guess I'm the one to say it. Farbarf is not good music. Great name, terrible music. Now I'm going to go listen to my Paul Oakenfold
Monkeyface Prickleback
Footballguy
Huh??? what do music and some dork named Paul have to do with anything?
Now I'm going to go party with Fartbarf. 
Samuel L Bronkowitz
Footballguy
VerginerHuh??? what do music and some dork named Paul have to do with anything?
Guster
Footballguy
Guster
Footballguy
interesting development on the random make-out chick front... I was checking Facebook before going to bed on Tuesday night and saw that she had posted "I'm going to be a mom again" as her status update.
I did some quick math to see when the last time we had hooked up was and if there was any chance it could be mine. Technically if she had only missed one period and finally caught on when she was missing for a second time, then there was a very small chance.
I woke up the next morning and she had deleted the post. Since then she has put up some cryptic messages about hating men, needing prayers, etc.
The fact that she hasn't contacted me is enough for me to confirm I'm in the clear, but that would be some seriously bad news!
I did some quick math to see when the last time we had hooked up was and if there was any chance it could be mine. Technically if she had only missed one period and finally caught on when she was missing for a second time, then there was a very small chance.
I woke up the next morning and she had deleted the post. Since then she has put up some cryptic messages about hating men, needing prayers, etc.
The fact that she hasn't contacted me is enough for me to confirm I'm in the clear, but that would be some seriously bad news!
Tecumseh
Footballguy
http://rarerborealis.com/wordpressblog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/tumblr_l9mxm4Enlr1qbipv3o1_400.gifinteresting development on the random make-out chick front... I was checking Facebook before going to bed on Tuesday night and saw that she had posted "I'm going to be a mom again" as her status update.
I did some quick math to see when the last time we had hooked up was and if there was any chance it could be mine. Technically if she had only missed one period and finally caught on when she was missing for a second time, then there was a very small chance.
I woke up the next morning and she had deleted the post. Since then she has put up some cryptic messages about hating men, needing prayers, etc.
The fact that she hasn't contacted me is enough for me to confirm I'm in the clear, but that would be some seriously bad news!
General Malaise
Footballguy
Hold up....you had sex with this woman recentlyish and now she is claiming - ON FACEBOOK - that she is going to be a mom and that she hates men. Remind me - is this the one who enjoyed sexual acts in front of transients? How'd that break-up go between you two? In the clear? Really? That's what we're going with on this holy St. Rufus of a Feces holiday?interesting development on the random make-out chick front... I was checking Facebook before going to bed on Tuesday night and saw that she had posted "I'm going to be a mom again" as her status update.
I did some quick math to see when the last time we had hooked up was and if there was any chance it could be mine. Technically if she had only missed one period and finally caught on when she was missing for a second time, then there was a very small chance.
I woke up the next morning and she had deleted the post. Since then she has put up some cryptic messages about hating men, needing prayers, etc.
The fact that she hasn't contacted me is enough for me to confirm I'm in the clear, but that would be some seriously bad news!
Homer J Simpson
I don't push
I'll have the milksteak boiled over hard.
Lol I just watched that too.
YSR
Footballguy
Me three!
mr. furley
Footballguy
-fish-
Footballguy
Hold up....you had sex with this woman recentlyish and now she is claiming - ON FACEBOOK - that she is going to be a mom and that she hates men. Remind me - is this the one who enjoyed sexual acts in front of transients? How'd that break-up go between you two? In the clear? Really? That's what we're going with on this holy St. Rufus of a Feces holiday?interesting development on the random make-out chick front... I was checking Facebook before going to bed on Tuesday night and saw that she had posted "I'm going to be a mom again" as her status update.
I did some quick math to see when the last time we had hooked up was and if there was any chance it could be mine. Technically if she had only missed one period and finally caught on when she was missing for a second time, then there was a very small chance.
I woke up the next morning and she had deleted the post. Since then she has put up some cryptic messages about hating men, needing prayers, etc.
The fact that she hasn't contacted me is enough for me to confirm I'm in the clear, but that would be some seriously bad news!
there should really be a "WTF?" smiley.
GroveDiesel
Footballguy
So there's really a Capital One commercial where Alex Baldwin gets all winky and tries to make a joke about when he flipped out, locked himself in the bathroom and screamed and cursed at the flight attendant when he was asked to turn off his phone?
And both Capital One and Baldwin think that's a good idea?
And both Capital One and Baldwin think that's a good idea?
Zow
Footballguy
:wozstoryplaceholder:5 categories
[*]Quickest (time from erection to ejaculation)
[*]Farthest (distance from penis to landing spot)
[*]Most volume :woz: (can you fill a 2 oz shot glass)
[*]Fastest (radar gun)
[*]Gay (if you can get off from a dude)
I won 3 categories in the CUM (Central Uganda Masturbat-off) in 1998.
mr. furley
Footballguy
it had to be done
things are better already
things are better already
General Malaise
Footballguy
Taxes about done, looks like a nice big Fed Refund this year. Owe the state, though, but net/net a nice, unexpected win. I'm going to use the money to begin a buy-out with Flags on the house we owned together while married. This gives us much more room to raise a newborn than our townhouse and it was big of Flags to agree to it.
Gonna be strange having yardwork again. Oh, and get ready for the GM Builds a Deck & You Help Him thread ("HOLD MY DECKKKKK!!!). And might need some yard work help, Tommyboy, if you still patrol this thread.
Off to go celebrate a holiday I never really celebrate with a couple of dads I've coached with over the years. One is freshly divorced. He's gonna get sloppy and I hope to have a carbomb or two. I'm going out now. Wife dropping me off. It's not yet 4pm. I hope to get home before 10pm or I will be in TROUBLE with a hangover. Getting old sucks.
Happy Drinking Day!
Gonna be strange having yardwork again. Oh, and get ready for the GM Builds a Deck & You Help Him thread ("HOLD MY DECKKKKK!!!). And might need some yard work help, Tommyboy, if you still patrol this thread.
Off to go celebrate a holiday I never really celebrate with a couple of dads I've coached with over the years. One is freshly divorced. He's gonna get sloppy and I hope to have a carbomb or two. I'm going out now. Wife dropping me off. It's not yet 4pm. I hope to get home before 10pm or I will be in TROUBLE with a hangover. Getting old sucks.
Happy Drinking Day!
YSR
Footballguy
Congrats on all your good news. I hope one of the dads is the guy who did the BW3 challenge earlier. I watched the whole thing and giggled throughout.Taxes about done, looks like a nice big Fed Refund this year. Owe the state, though, but net/net a nice, unexpected win. I'm going to use the money to begin a buy-out with Flags on the house we owned together while married. This gives us much more room to raise a newborn than our townhouse and it was big of Flags to agree to it.
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