Fantasy Football - Footballguys Forums
This is a sample guest message. Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!
GM's thread about nothing (13 Viewers)
- Thread starter General Malaise
- Start date
Good Posting Judge
Footballguy
I was going to say something really offensive here.
Notorious T.R.E.
Showdown!™ Administrator
Last edited by a moderator:
cosjobs
Footballguy
All of my family has agreed that cremation is the route to go and planting a tree as a memorial.It just seems really weird to pump a corpse full of chemicals and try to make it life-like. Kind of defeats the purpose of dying.
cosjobs
Footballguy
We have bingo if you want to hang out with a bunch of cigarette smoking minorities and old folks. Sunday afternoons is chicken-#### bingo at a pretty good dive bar, Unsure about pull tabs.Ditto for meat raffles, the wheel, shake-a-day or even bingo.
General Malaise
Footballguy
Hell of a lot better than poor sister, which might explain eating disorders, botox and a constant need to be in a gym.
St. Louis Bob
Footballguy
Wasn't wearing, shaved.
Captain Quinoa
Footballguy
I think that's just so it doesn't rot before you get it in the ground.Anyone ever watched an embalming? Pretty cool.
General Malaise
Footballguy
You are too kind.
Buck Bradcanon
Footballguy
Bogart
Footballguy
It was just strange to sit there for an hour as they quote you prices for programs, flowers, cost of opening and closing the grave. Like you are going to go price it elsewhere. They provide a valuable service at a time you aren't thinking straight, but it's a real ####e way of spending 10 grand.
Last edited by a moderator:
General Malaise
Footballguy
I'm very thankful that my parents have detailed to the very last step what to do with them when they die. My dad's body goes to OHSU for scientific research, then cremation, and then I'm to gather the family around a nice creek bed and scatter him about. And my mother wants to be stuffed and placed in my living room.
Bogart
Footballguy
General Malaise
Footballguy
Oh, I see. Schedule Forrest to depart Sunday morning AND THEN break out the major fun activities.We have bingo if you want to hang out with a bunch of cigarette smoking minorities and old folks. Sunday afternoons is chicken-#### bingo at a pretty good dive bar, Unsure about pull tabs.
General Malaise
Footballguy
Better than your bedroom.
I had bedroom typed out but thought that might be a little creepy.
Notorious T.R.E.
Showdown!™ Administrator
I think he was trying to paint that as not awesome.Oh, I see. Schedule Forrest to depart Sunday morning AND THEN break out the major fun activities.We have bingo if you want to hang out with a bunch of cigarette smoking minorities and old folks. Sunday afternoons is chicken-#### bingo at a pretty good dive bar, Unsure about pull tabs.
Officer Pete Malloy
Footballguy
I stepped back and let my brother go with my stepmom and stepsister to the funeral home. Fortunately (I guess) my stepmom had plenty of time to make arrangements ahead of time. Also my dad is going to be buried in the nearby national cemetery thanks to his 2 year stint in the army.
Limp Ditka
Footballguy
Wife's grandfather was a II vet. He was buried at Lincoln Cemetery with all the pomp and circumstance, 21 gun salute. It was impressive.
Officer Pete Malloy
Footballguy
I've got a feeling that after her little peep-show your mother-in-law wants to be stuffed too.
General Malaise
Footballguy
3. You don t actually have to buy your casket here.
One of the biggest funeral expenses is the casket. The price can range from under $1,000 to over $10,000. Funeral directors are required by law to provide a list of prices for every casket they sell before showing them, but they don t always have every model they offer on hand. If you don t see some of the less expensive models, ask about them. Most funeral homes have access to other caskets and can usually get them within 24 hours, says David Walkinshaw, a spokesman for the Massachusetts Funeral Directors Association.
What many people don t know is that you needn t purchase the casket from the funeral home at all. Third-party dealers selling reduced-cost caskets have sprung up in the past decade; caskets are now available for purchase over the Internet, at funeral-supply stores and even at some Costco locations. Funeral directors are required by law to accept caskets purchased from these outlets, and they cannot legally charge you a fee for doing so.
One of the biggest funeral expenses is the casket. The price can range from under $1,000 to over $10,000. Funeral directors are required by law to provide a list of prices for every casket they sell before showing them, but they don t always have every model they offer on hand. If you don t see some of the less expensive models, ask about them. Most funeral homes have access to other caskets and can usually get them within 24 hours, says David Walkinshaw, a spokesman for the Massachusetts Funeral Directors Association.
What many people don t know is that you needn t purchase the casket from the funeral home at all. Third-party dealers selling reduced-cost caskets have sprung up in the past decade; caskets are now available for purchase over the Internet, at funeral-supply stores and even at some Costco locations. Funeral directors are required by law to accept caskets purchased from these outlets, and they cannot legally charge you a fee for doing so.
General Malaise
Footballguy
Can you go back on your 7 week winter solstice break or begin morning the Bears lost season again or something.
can't buy a casket at Rite Aid but you can at Costco. 
Limp Ditka
Footballguy
Officer Pete Malloy
Footballguy
My dad went into the army 4 months before the Korean War cease-fire was signed. Never left the U.S. Spent most of his time at Ft. Lewis WA up near Fish. I think he would feel a little guilty about getting the full veteran/freebie funeral thing but not that guilty.Wife's grandfather was a II vet. He was buried at Lincoln Cemetery with all the pomp and circumstance, 21 gun salute. It was impressive.
General Malaise
Footballguy
And I think those are free, too. Bogie, might be worth looking into if your mom was a Navy Seal or an Army Ranger or something.When my ex-wife's grandfather died, he had the 21 gun salute and the flag folding done by uniformed officers. I couldn't hold back the tears on that one (grandfather had been sick for ages, so his death was a blessing). You are right, that is something to behold.Wife's grandfather was a II vet. He was buried at Lincoln Cemetery with all the pomp and circumstance, 21 gun salute. It was impressive.
Officer Pete Malloy
Footballguy
Can you go back on your 7 week winter solstice break or begin morning the Bears lost season again or something.
Leroy Hoard
Footballguy
General Malaise
Footballguy
Oh, okay...so ONE thing. Fine. Let me know when you can buy Greeting Cards, Combination ##### Enema & Water Bottle System or Christmas Trees from Costco.can't buy a casket at Rite Aid but you can at Costco.
Good Posting Judge
Footballguy
Was it an electric toothbrush?
General Malaise
Footballguy
Cool game.Bought a pair of Head running gloves at Costco in October. Noticed last week that they were developing a tear in them. Took them back to Costco and said "I'd like to exchange these for a new pair, there's a rip". "Sir, we'd be happy to give you a refund, but we do not carry those gloves anymore".And that, my friends, is one of my beefs with this place. Carry an item for months and months and then just like that....they are gone.Also, assuming hoods still on here, I could do with slightly less oblivious people who seem to hail from Asian descent milling around in the middle of the aisles with full carts and no awareness of personal space. Rite Aid's aisles are as open as the Great Plains. I can break dance in the Laxatives & Automotive Aisle.Was shopping in Costco today. Noticed that my wife's Christmas present to me was marked down from 90 to 50. A quick trip to the return line netted me an extra $40 for shopping. Try that at Rite-Aid without a receipt or bringing the merchandise back.Costco
General Malaise
Footballguy
Go play the horses. No way you lose there the way you can pick out young fillies willing to ride all day long.
Officer Pete Malloy
Footballguy
Came in to work today and had a few emails from coworkers offering their condolences. Everybody has been great. I thought this was funny though: This one older broad I work with was appointed/volunteered for head of the 'sunshine committee' (get cards/flowers for people who have suffered a loss, buy gifts for people expecting a baby etc).So she sends out an email to everyone, including me, saying that my father died and they will be sending flowers. I guess she never learned how to remove individuals from the master list.Oh, and she spelled my name wrong. I mean I've only worked with her for 12 years and our classrooms are 15 feet apart so it's understandable.
I mean I've only worked with her for 12 years and our classrooms are 15 feet apart so it's understandable.
Bob Sacamano
Footballguy
You can buy Christmas Trees at Costco. And boxes of 5,000 Christmas Cards. And I don't know about Enema & Water Bottle Systems, but there are plenty of douchebags.Oh, okay...so ONE thing. Fine. Let me know when you can buy Greeting Cards, Combination ##### Enema & Water Bottle System or Christmas Trees from Costco.can't buy a casket at Rite Aid but you can at Costco.
maybe you should get a name that's easier to spellOh, and she spelled my name wrong.
St. Louis Bob
Footballguy
Emailed Woot about the crappy razor and they gave me a refund and told me to keep it.Tre and GM you can fight over it at Coshole. Do you want the razor I used once?
General Malaise
Footballguy
Why you gotta be picking on people who have trouble with spelling, Brain?Came in to work today and had a few emails from coworkers offering their condolences. Everybody has been great. I thought this was funny though: This one older broad I work with was appointed/volunteered for head of the 'sunshine committee' (get cards/flowers for people who have suffered a loss, buy gifts for people expecting a baby etc).So she sends out an email to everyone, including me, saying that my father died and they will be sending flowers. I guess she never learned how to remove individuals from the master list.Oh, and she spelled my name wrong.
Bob Sacamano
Footballguy
I have two uncles who spell my first name wrong every time they send us cards. I'm assuming it's really my aunts ####ing it up, but it's much more fun to blame my uncles for it since they're my dad's brothers. And HE AND I SHARE THE SAME ####### FIRST NAME.Came in to work today and had a few emails from coworkers offering their condolences. Everybody has been great. I thought this was funny though: This one older broad I work with was appointed/volunteered for head of the 'sunshine committee' (get cards/flowers for people who have suffered a loss, buy gifts for people expecting a baby etc).So she sends out an email to everyone, including me, saying that my father died and they will be sending flowers. I guess she never learned how to remove individuals from the master list.Oh, and she spelled my name wrong.
Guster
Footballguy
Sorry to hear about your troubles GB. Thoprawishes
General Malaise
Footballguy
Can we have a sleep-off or perhaps cartwheel-off?
Frostillicus
Footballguy
Did she spell it Lame because I do that sometimes.Came in to work today and had a few emails from coworkers offering their condolences. Everybody has been great. I thought this was funny though: This one older broad I work with was appointed/volunteered for head of the 'sunshine committee' (get cards/flowers for people who have suffered a loss, buy gifts for people expecting a baby etc).So she sends out an email to everyone, including me, saying that my father died and they will be sending flowers. I guess she never learned how to remove individuals from the master list.Oh, and she spelled my name wrong.
General Malaise
Footballguy
Manti?I have two uncles who spell my first name wrong every time they send us cards. I'm assuming it's really my aunts ####ing it up, but it's much more fun to blame my uncles for it since they're my dad's brothers. And HE AND I SHARE THE SAME ####### FIRST NAME.Came in to work today and had a few emails from coworkers offering their condolences. Everybody has been great. I thought this was funny though: This one older broad I work with was appointed/volunteered for head of the 'sunshine committee' (get cards/flowers for people who have suffered a loss, buy gifts for people expecting a baby etc).So she sends out an email to everyone, including me, saying that my father died and they will be sending flowers. I guess she never learned how to remove individuals from the master list.Oh, and she spelled my name wrong.
Guster
Footballguy
Bbo? Obb?I have two uncles who spell my first name wrong every time they send us cards. I'm assuming it's really my aunts ####ing it up, but it's much more fun to blame my uncles for it since they're my dad's brothers. And HE AND I SHARE THE SAME ####### FIRST NAME.Came in to work today and had a few emails from coworkers offering their condolences. Everybody has been great. I thought this was funny though: This one older broad I work with was appointed/volunteered for head of the 'sunshine committee' (get cards/flowers for people who have suffered a loss, buy gifts for people expecting a baby etc).So she sends out an email to everyone, including me, saying that my father died and they will be sending flowers. I guess she never learned how to remove individuals from the master list.Oh, and she spelled my name wrong.
Josie Maran
Footballguy
Boob.Bbo? Obb?I have two uncles who spell my first name wrong every time they send us cards. I'm assuming it's really my aunts ####ing it up, but it's much more fun to blame my uncles for it since they're my dad's brothers. And HE AND I SHARE THE SAME ####### FIRST NAME.Came in to work today and had a few emails from coworkers offering their condolences. Everybody has been great. I thought this was funny though: This one older broad I work with was appointed/volunteered for head of the 'sunshine committee' (get cards/flowers for people who have suffered a loss, buy gifts for people expecting a baby etc).So she sends out an email to everyone, including me, saying that my father died and they will be sending flowers. I guess she never learned how to remove individuals from the master list.Oh, and she spelled my name wrong.
General Malaise
Footballguy
Pheel?Boob.Bbo? Obb?I have two uncles who spell my first name wrong every time they send us cards. I'm assuming it's really my aunts ####ing it up, but it's much more fun to blame my uncles for it since they're my dad's brothers. And HE AND I SHARE THE SAME ####### FIRST NAME.Came in to work today and had a few emails from coworkers offering their condolences. Everybody has been great. I thought this was funny though: This one older broad I work with was appointed/volunteered for head of the 'sunshine committee' (get cards/flowers for people who have suffered a loss, buy gifts for people expecting a baby etc).So she sends out an email to everyone, including me, saying that my father died and they will be sending flowers. I guess she never learned how to remove individuals from the master list.Oh, and she spelled my name wrong.
Bob Sacamano
Footballguy
Yes. They keep sending me cards in the mail, but when I open the envelopes, there's nothing inside. It's heartbreaking, man... to lose a card you care so deeply about. They were BEAUTIFUL cards. Not... not physically. I mean, on the inside. Just, like real dreams and stuff, man. Card dreams. I just, I can't describe them.Manti?I have two uncles who spell my first name wrong every time they send us cards. I'm assuming it's really my aunts ####ing it up, but it's much more fun to blame my uncles for it since they're my dad's brothers. And HE AND I SHARE THE SAME ####### FIRST NAME.Came in to work today and had a few emails from coworkers offering their condolences. Everybody has been great.
I thought this was funny though: This one older broad I work with was appointed/volunteered for head of the 'sunshine committee' (get cards/flowers for people who have suffered a loss, buy gifts for people expecting a baby etc).
So she sends out an email to everyone, including me, saying that my father died and they will be sending flowers. I guess she never learned how to remove individuals from the master list.
Oh, and she spelled my name wrong.
General Malaise
Footballguy
Similar threads
