The Wedding Diaries - Day 2 -
Michigan Beaches
Wednesday morning at 8am, my two sons decided to ignore their internal body clocks which were
supposed to be set on the trailing three hour PST, and jumped out of bed with the sort of energy and enthusiasm I could profit from if ever I learned a way to bottle and sell it. Today was a day for the ladies to get their nails and hair done, meaning they were going to spend the better part of the day in Aunt Marie's salon and leaving the fellas to fend for themselves. I had several errands to run on Wednesday and was relieved to learn that my future BIL Adam (my wife's sister's husband) took the day off of work to run them with us.Adam is 27 years old and built like Kevin James from "King of Queens". My youngest son, with no prompting from anybody else, began calling him "Tiny" the first time he met him last summer. It's a name that has stuck and makes everyone laugh when they hear a 5 year old kid call out to the former college linebacker with the sort of ball-busting tone one typically develops later in life. "Tiny" and my wife's little sister were married about 2 years ago after dating all through college and beyond. I normally have reservations about people marrying in their early 20's, but this is the rare couple that was truly meant to be together. Though I've only been around Adam a handful of times since I met my wife, I took an instant liking to him and asked him to be a groomsman last summer on a fishing trip. One of the best moves I've ever made. This kid is already one of my best friends and he was an MVP this past week, hosting my bachelor party, making breakfast and Bloody Mary’s for the groomsman the day of the wedding, opening up his home the day after the wedding for a BBQ and ensuring that all beers were kept ice cold all week long.
So Wednesday morning, after the girls left for the salon and after my boys ate the first of many breakfast ice cream sandwiches, Adam came over to the house and agreed to run errands with us. Now for the last month plus here in Oregon, the weather has been god awful. It has rained nearly every day and I don't think we've seen 70 degrees since early April. It's been abysmal. Fortunately, the weather in Michigan was absolutely post-card perfect all week. Wednesday was no exception. Blue skies, sunshine and 80 plus degrees. Ideal weather for cramming two small boys in a mini-van and driving to the mall! First stop, Men's Warehouse, to try on and pick up our Tuxedos. Like me, Adam avoids the mall like an STD infested outhouse. When I asked him where the Men's Warehouse was in the mall, the laughed and said "Dude (he says dude a lot...also bro and man), I haven't been inside this mall in years. I have no idea." I figured our best bet would be to just park, walk in, locate the map and make our way to George Zimmer's guarantee.
I've been to the Mall of America, once. Once. And I've been to some giant malls in Texas. I have never in my life been in a bigger, more confusing mall than this one in Lake Orion, Michigan. This thing was so big, it had zones. ZONES! There were stores we passed I'd never heard of before, selling things I didn't even know existed. It was quite clear from the map that our strategy of just parking and walking was a massive fail. It literally took us 10 minutes to get to the Men's Warehouse. Once we got there, the boys noticed the store was next to a snow-cone kiosk. Out of all the freaking places to stash a sugar infused kiosk, it had to be right in front of the Men's Warehouse, where little boys are supposed to sit still and try on tuxedos? Why not a cell phone kiosk, or a candle kiosk or one of those stupid herbal tea ones? It was all I could do to keep them focused and on task. "Can we get a snowcone? Can we get a snowcone? Can we get a snowcone?" I could see Adam texting his wife, reminding her to pick up her birth control prescription for the next 10 decade. I got them fitted one at a time, leaving Adam to play man on man defense with each son. Then it was my turn to try on my tux, which meant Adam now had to go to a zone. When I got done with my tux and changed back into my shorts and flip flops, I came out to find a man who looked like he had seen the ghost of Jason Vorhees riding the back of the ghost of Jaws. My boys were parading around the mannequins, doing summersaults on the floor, chanting "SNOWCONES, SNOWCONES, SNOWCONES"....
So we got some snowcones. And walked 10 minutes back to our car. Next item of business, the Cigar Store. There I picked up $100 worth of cigars, gifts for my groomsmen and smokes for the bachelor party. I know it's not a flask or a flashlight or a pocket knife or golf balls. But my gift to the groomsmen were good cigars and their $25 buy in for the Texas Hold 'Em tournament we had on tap for the bachelor party. For anyone needing a good cigar store in Michigan, I recommend Tobacco Gallery on Lapeer. Great dudes in there. Very friendly and very helpful. When I returned to the car, I got to explain to my boys for the next 15 minutes why I was going to smoke a cigar when all their lives I've told them that smoking is a killer. I think I could have done a better job explaining quantum physics to a turtle.
Up next, we made a trip to Kroger's, where we bought the following supplies for the bachelor party:
2 cases of Labatt's in a can
1 case of Stella
1 case of Pacifico
1 case of Corona
1 case of Sierra Nevada
5 bags of Tostadas
3 jars of salsa
1 bag of trail mix
1 jar of mixed nuts
Oh, and some ice. Lots and lots of ice.
From there, we went to Tiny's house, unloaded all the supplies and learned that his neighborhood had a private lake with sandy beaches. Considering that we had run all our errands and didn't have anywhere to be for a few hours, we asked the boys if they'd like to go swimming at the beach. If I had asked them if they'd like to drive a car, buy an ice cream store or move inside of Disney World, their reactions wouldn't have been as excitable as they were when we mentioned to swimming at the beach. My boys LOVE swimming in lakes and rivers. I LOVE them swimming in lakes and rivers because they sleep like hibernating bears when they are done. Adam and I loaded up a cooler with some cokes, a few cold beers, grabbed towels and sun block and made our way to his private beach.
Now supposedly, many neighborhoods in Michigan are designed to give access to small, private lakes, where you can boat, fish, swim, party. We don't have that in Oregon. At least, not in any of the neighborhoods I've ever visited (Lake Oswego not withstanding). When my boys learned of this, it was all the information they needed to here to make a determination that we needed to move to Michigan. Methinks a winter there might change their mind. The beach was empty, save for one other family. Nice little sandy beach with a volley ball court, picnic tables, horse shoes and a roped off area for swimming. It was perfect. Adam and I cracked open our first ice cold beer of the day and spent the next 2 hours shooting the breeze, cracking jokes and watching my boys tire themselves out in the chilly waters. As the afternoon moved along, some high school kids began to filter in and enjoy the day. Included in this mix of kids were a handful of very well endowed young ladies, wearing the skimpiest of bikinis (Homer > hi!). I don't recall the high school girls looking like this in the 1980s. My sons, who were busy splashing each other and jumping off the large wooden raft stopped what they were doing and just stared at the young sirens making their way into the water to join them. Maybe there's hope after all for my eldest son.
After a while, it was time to head back home and get ready for the evening. My parents and best man were coming in that afternoon and would be joining us at my in-laws house for dinner. In addition, my wife's grandfather was going to join us, giving us an opportunity to celebrate his 90th birthday. The guy recently lost his wife of 64 years, so this was a special night for all and to mark the occasion, I picked up a bottle of 2000 Dom Perignon from Costco prior to my flight out. I had chilled the champagne earlier in the day and managed to keep it hidden and secret until we popped it later that night. It was a huge hit and her grandfather was elated. My wife's father is an amazing cook and we had a tremendous feast of tenderloin, bacon wrapped asparagus, roasted potatoes, artichokes and some of Oregon's finest wine, which we had been buying and shipping to Michigan over the last year and a half to help celebrate 'wedding week'. My parents and best man made it out to the house no problem and we had just an awesome time eating together, drinking fine wines and champagnes and listening to her grandfather tell fabulous stories. I'm amazed that at 90 he has the sharp recall he does and I was pleased that my sons sat there and listened with wide eyes. You don't get many chances in life to listen to history being retold in the first person. This man was a decorated WWII hero, owned his own concrete business, raised 6 children and was married for 64 years.
After a long dinner and after putting the boys to bed, my parents left to go back to the hotel and the rest of the family started hitting the sack. My best man, wife and I stayed outside under the perfect night's sky, absorbing the rest of the wine, smoking cigars and talking until nearly 3am. My best man and I go back 20 years. He lives in Austin, Tx now. I don't get to see him nearly as much as I like, so it was really cool to catch up and shoot the breeze. My wife adores all my friends and understands their importance in my life. I can't tell you how valuable that is to me and I'm very appreciative. No nagging, no lectures about staying up late drinking and smoking, no hassle at all. She simply smiles, hangs out with us, laughs at all the stories and when she's ready for bed, she kisses me goodnight and says "Have fun, but don't you dare let him drive home. Good night". At 3am, I pointed him to the couch, crawled to my bed upstairs, curled up next to wife and went to sleep as the happiest man in America.
But I'm not a techie or a gizmo guy. I'd be fine with my blackberry for life if the battery life didn't suck so much and kids weren't mocking me.
