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GM's thread about nothing (15 Viewers)

guru_007 said:
re: camera tickets - around these parts, the municipalities that have them installed have contracted out with an out of state vendor to do all the processing/payments, whatever. I am not positive, but if you ever fought it, I'm pretty sure you'd win, and knowing this, the camera companies don't even bother to fight you, chase you down if you ignore it.

That being said, I got nailed for one about two years back. $75.00 bucks, they had my car, my license, it was me, I just paid the effing thing to be done with it. Now, I'm more careful at that intersection :shrug:
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I tried to fight mine and they just wanted to bump me to another court. I just said #### it and paid too. However I've heard a lot since then that if you pay these things you're an idiot. At least in STL, they can't do a damn thing to you if you don't pay.

 
BigJohn said:
krista4 said:
I came home from NY one day early and am getting really drunk. Not that this is of interest to anyone.

I'm doing a lot of remembrances of Mark, who is not dead yet. Here's the ####### worst thing in the world...he is conscious and perfectly aware of the situation. He is part of the decision to take his ventilator off, and they've decided as a family to sleep on it and decide on their options tomorrow. I can't even ####### imagine this.
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Good friend passed from esophageal cancer a few years ago. 30 years old. Otherwise, was a very healthy kid. It spread into his lungs and when he got to the same point Mark is at, he asked to see his kids one more time before they took the ventilator out. I somehow ended up carrying his 3 year old daughter in and put her on his lap. I left the room and cried so hard, I thought that my head would explode. After the ventilator was removed, it took almost 4 hours for him to pass. The doctors said he had a very healthy heart and it refused to quit. It was absolutely agonizing for his wife. It was his decision. It was not what the family wanted, but it didn't matter. His wife told us that he looked her in the eyes and said, 'I'm tired.... I'm done.' She knew it was the right decision.

Bottom line is, it's going to be very rough over the next day or two. Just know that if he is concious and helping with these decisions, it should take some of the burden off the family. Hopefully everyone finds peace soon, including Mark.
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Geez. I'm really sorry for your loss and what you and his family went through. Thanks for your thoughts.

 
guru_007 said:
good luck Sweet J :thumbup: hope it all works out for you.

re: camera tickets - around these parts, the municipalities that have them installed have contracted out with an out of state vendor to do all the processing/payments, whatever. I am not positive, but if you ever fought it, I'm pretty sure you'd win, and knowing this, the camera companies don't even bother to fight you, chase you down if you ignore it.

That being said, I got nailed for one about two years back. $75.00 bucks, they had my car, my license, it was me, I just paid the effing thing to be done with it. Now, I'm more careful at that intersection :shrug:
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yeah it looks like the processing center is in Maryland but the payment goes direct to the local municipality.

putting it in the trash.

 
Uruk-Hai said:
Sweet J said:
So, a mini-update (and thanks to all of you who responded to my post last week):

I came home about a week ago. Started out sleeping on the couch. It just got too much to bear, living through my wife's utter sadness. I also didn't have anywhere to go. I don't want to stay with a friend (all my friends here are "married friends," meaning they are friends with my wife, asa well.). So I either had to find a place for $1500/month, with possibly signing a lease, or come home and re-evaluate.

In therapy this past tuesday, I said to my wife: "I really don't want to be married to you anymore. There have been just too many hard times, too much difficulty, too much hurt feelings. That being said, I die a little bit every time I come over to pick the kids up and you are sitting in the bathroom crying. Or I call to check on the kids and you start crying on the phone and the kids see you crying and then they cry. I can't stand to see you in so much pain. So I'll come back home."

And she said, "Ok, I'll take it."

So I'm back, for now. I'm not sure what this all means, but I really, really, really, appreciate how people here responded with nice words (or even stupid jokes). This is a nice place to vent, and I feel a little bad that I don't keep up with it enough.

Also, eat a ####.
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Jesus, J. I wish you all the best, and please accept this in the heartfelt way I mean it, but you going home just to stop the others from being sad isn't going to last (for you, if not for them).

Please take everything I say with a grain (or, metric ton) of salt: I'm twice divorced and made more mistakes than I'd admit on my deathbed. But staying just because it eases the pain doesn't work.
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:goodposting: Sorry for your situation, J.

 
Captain Quinoa said:
guru_007 said:
good luck Sweet J :thumbup: hope it all works out for you.

re: camera tickets - around these parts, the municipalities that have them installed have contracted out with an out of state vendor to do all the processing/payments, whatever. I am not positive, but if you ever fought it, I'm pretty sure you'd win, and knowing this, the camera companies don't even bother to fight you, chase you down if you ignore it.

That being said, I got nailed for one about two years back. $75.00 bucks, they had my car, my license, it was me, I just paid the effing thing to be done with it. Now, I'm more careful at that intersection :shrug:
Click to expand...
yeah it looks like the processing center is in Maryland but the payment goes direct to the local municipality.

putting it in the trash.
Click to expand...
:lmao:

 
I took today off to get some stuff done since I'm heading over to Annapolis to see my father in his new digs (read: dementia ward of an assisted living facility). He moved in Tuesday.

He will have zero idea who I am. I'm not sure how to spend a few hours with him, but I feel like I need to. His attention span - as far as knowing people he should know goes - is nil.

Should I even try to keep him engaged? Just let him walk around while I read or watch MD get smoked by FSU?

 
Uruk-Hai said:
I took today off to get some stuff done since I'm heading over to Annapolis to see my father in his new digs (read: dementia ward of an assisted living facility). He moved in Tuesday.

He will have zero idea who I am. I'm not sure how to spend a few hours with him, but I feel like I need to. His attention span - as far as knowing people he should know goes - is nil.

Should I even try to keep him engaged? Just let him walk around while I read or watch MD get smoked by FSU?
Click to expand...
Is there anything that helps trigger his memories? Maybe go through old photos and explain them to him to try and let him relive the memories? Maybe you have already done this ad nauseam but if not that's maybe where I would start. Regardless this is a tough road to go down and sorry you have to deal with this.

 
Uruk-Hai said:
I took today off to get some stuff done since I'm heading over to Annapolis to see my father in his new digs (read: dementia ward of an assisted living facility). He moved in Tuesday.

He will have zero idea who I am. I'm not sure how to spend a few hours with him, but I feel like I need to. His attention span - as far as knowing people he should know goes - is nil.

Should I even try to keep him engaged? Just let him walk around while I read or watch MD get smoked by FSU?
Click to expand...
Abe's Hard Truths

Both of my Mom's parents ended up this way. It was very difficult. Grandfather became a danger to himself and others due to his dementia/alzheimers when I was in 8th grade. So he and my Grandmother moved in to a facility. They were in different wings with different rooms because he was ill and she was not, but she wasn't leaving him. She would go to his room every day and spend as much time with him as she could. My mom flew up once a month to see them. I quit seeing my grandfather after a year, it was too hard to do. He passed away when I was in High School and then my Grandmother started going downhill. By the time she passed away when I was 23 she no longer knew who anyone was either.

It's worth pointing out that as his dementia gets worse you have to do the following things:

- Remember often and reinforce in your mind the good memories you have. It will help you on the tough days and remembering love is always better than remembering them wither away.

- It worked for me to tell myself often that at some point (soon) the person becomes unaware of their condition. They don't realize what's going on...I used to tell myself it was like a months/years long process of getting drunker and drunker and drunker to the point where you have no idea what's happening and have lost control of most of your faculties. And while it's hard for the family, I'd certainly prefer that to a painful decline due to some other disease. Not being aware that your life is slipping away, not being conscious of how bad it's getting right up to the point it's over probably isn't the worst way to go.

- That said, when I get it, tell my wife and children that I loved them more than they ever could imagine and then take me behind the barn and put one in my head. I wouldn't want them to see me in that condition.
 
Hawks64 said:
Uruk-Hai said:
I took today off to get some stuff done since I'm heading over to Annapolis to see my father in his new digs (read: dementia ward of an assisted living facility). He moved in Tuesday.

He will have zero idea who I am. I'm not sure how to spend a few hours with him, but I feel like I need to. His attention span - as far as knowing people he should know goes - is nil.

Should I even try to keep him engaged? Just let him walk around while I read or watch MD get smoked by FSU?
Click to expand...
Is there anything that helps trigger his memories? Maybe go through old photos and explain them to him to try and let him relive the memories? Maybe you have already done this ad nauseam but if not that's maybe where I would start. Regardless this is a tough road to go down and sorry you have to deal with this.
Click to expand...
I appreciate the suggestions, amigo. But - no, he's gone backwards to a point where it's impossible to find a subject that draws on his memories. I ran that game for a year or more.

My mom still tries to project when she sees him now, but she's fooling herself. He has no clue who she is. The only reason he related to her when he was still home was because she was telling him all of the time what to do. He doesn't have that now. It's not a one-on-one, 24/7 thing anymore. So he's left to himself - wandering around - for most of his day.

 
J>proud of you. Hope you can work it out. If you can't, you'll know you've done everything possible. Here's to both of you changing for the better.

 
Sweet J said:
So, a mini-update (and thanks to all of you who responded to my post last week):

I came home about a week ago. Started out sleeping on the couch. It just got too much to bear, living through my wife's utter sadness. I also didn't have anywhere to go. I don't want to stay with a friend (all my friends here are "married friends," meaning they are friends with my wife, asa well.). So I either had to find a place for $1500/month, with possibly signing a lease, or come home and re-evaluate.

In therapy this past tuesday, I said to my wife: "I really don't want to be married to you anymore. There have been just too many hard times, too much difficulty, too much hurt feelings. That being said, I die a little bit every time I come over to pick the kids up and you are sitting in the bathroom crying. Or I call to check on the kids and you start crying on the phone and the kids see you crying and then they cry. I can't stand to see you in so much pain. So I'll come back home."

And she said, "Ok, I'll take it."

So I'm back, for now. I'm not sure what this all means, but I really, really, really, appreciate how people here responded with nice words (or even stupid jokes). This is a nice place to vent, and I feel a little bad that I don't keep up with it enough.

Also, eat a ####.
Click to expand...
Damn. Tough spot for sure.

I hope you find this inspirational as well.

 
Abraham said:
Uruk-Hai said:
I took today off to get some stuff done since I'm heading over to Annapolis to see my father in his new digs (read: dementia ward of an assisted living facility). He moved in Tuesday.

He will have zero idea who I am. I'm not sure how to spend a few hours with him, but I feel like I need to. His attention span - as far as knowing people he should know goes - is nil.

Should I even try to keep him engaged? Just let him walk around while I read or watch MD get smoked by FSU?
Click to expand...
Abe's Hard Truths

Both of my Mom's parents ended up this way. It was very difficult. Grandfather became a danger to himself and others due to his dementia/alzheimers when I was in 8th grade. So he and my Grandmother moved in to a facility. They were in different wings with different rooms because he was ill and she was not, but she wasn't leaving him. She would go to his room every day and spend as much time with him as she could. My mom flew up once a month to see them. I quit seeing my grandfather after a year, it was too hard to do. He passed away when I was in High School and then my Grandmother started going downhill. By the time she passed away when I was 23 she no longer knew who anyone was either.

It's worth pointing out that as his dementia gets worse you have to do the following things:

- Remember often and reinforce in your mind the good memories you have. It will help you on the tough days and remembering love is always better than remembering them wither away.

- It worked for me to tell myself often that at some point (soon) the person becomes unaware of their condition. They don't realize what's going on...I used to tell myself it was like a months/years long process of getting drunker and drunker and drunker to the point where you have no idea what's happening and have lost control of most of your faculties. And while it's hard for the family, I'd certainly prefer that to a painful decline due to some other disease. Not being aware that your life is slipping away, not being conscious of how bad it's getting right up to the point it's over probably isn't the worst way to go.

- That said, when I get it, tell my wife and children that I loved them more than they ever could imagine and then take me behind the barn and put one in my head. I wouldn't want them to see me in that condition.
Click to expand...
Appreciate it, my friend.

The ####ed up thing about this disease is how sneaky it is. I can remember my father saying several times when we had older family members getting "senile" that "I'll walk down in the woods with a gun if I ever think that's happening to me". My dad is the most anal-retentive, focused person I've ever met. That crap got him too.

He never got a chance to say goodbye.

I'd much rather have ANY physical disease than dementia. Cancer's liable to get me in the end, but I'll know it's coming. I can live with that (& have). But NOT knowing it's slipping away frightens me to no end.

 
bostonfred said:
Officer Pete Malloy said:
Not creepy at all
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Yeah, it's a funny gif, but to me the really funny part is that somebody bought or rented a bunny costume. It's probably not a halloween costume, because nobody really wants to wear something that big around all night. That's more like a kid's party costume. But then they get the thing, and they're like, oh holy ####, this thing is creepy as hell. And yet here they are, stuck with the costume, just like everybody else who has bought or rented it before. Except this guy, this dad stuck wearing a size 42 grey creepy bunny costume, he gets a buddy with a camera phone, and says, hey, we're going to the men's room. Bring your video camera. Ot better yet, him and a bunch of his friends are dying laughing about this thing, and start coming up with ideas for the creepiest thing they could get the creepy bunny to do in a video. That's the part I see when I look at that gif. The genesis of the creepy pedo toilet bunny.
Click to expand...
Worst genesis song ever.

 
Browns fear torn ACL for QB Brian Hoyer, waiting on MRI

Weeden is in play again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111

 
Bob Sacamano said:
Sweet J said:
In therapy this past tuesday, I said to my wife: "I really don't want to be married to you anymore. There have been just too many hard times, too much difficulty, too much hurt feelings. That being said, I die a little bit every time I come over to pick the kids up and you are sitting in the bathroom crying. Or I call to check on the kids and you start crying on the phone and the kids see you crying and then they cry. I can't stand to see you in so much pain. So I'll come back home."

And she said, "Ok, I'll take it."

.
Click to expand...
I just can't fathom this. First of all, my wife would respond with something along the lines of, "Like hell you will. I don't want your pity. Eat a ####."

But mostly, I don't get being that desperate to be with someone who just told you outright that they don't want to be with you.

Remind me: how old are your kids?
Click to expand...
yeah, I was really expecting my wife to be like: "to hell you are coming back just for that." So she called my bluff. My wife can really be hilarious some times. I'm taking this with as much humor as I can.

My kids are awesome. My son is 12 and effing rocks the house. I love this kid so much. He's funny and strong and smart.

My daughter is 10. In fact, just had a birthday party yesturday afternoon with 17 other screaming 10 year old girls, and my son, who was loving all the attention he was getting. My kid sister just put a bunch of pictures up on facebook. I'm going to tag a bunch in a second.

That reminds me . . . my 29 year old kid sister has been living with me for the last year. We've got a basement apartment. It's been awesome because she gets to hang out with my kids, particularly my daugther, who idolizes her. Plus, she's gorgeous (meaning she has gorgeous friends, which are always nice to look at when they come over). And I've gone out drinking more in the past year than in the previous 5 combined.

You guys have my permission to friend my sister on facebook, and make up some ridiculous story about how we know eachother.

 
Does anyone know a good message board to talk to other people about having family members with conditions like my father's? This place is fantastic and I love you all, but I'm thinking narrowing it down when I want to might help some, too.

 
My grandmother was a fiercely indpendent woman. She lost her husband at a very young age, and she raised my mom and her two sisters all on her own at a time when women weren't really single mothers and didn't have today's opportunities for actual careers. She was in bad shape when they moved her out of her house and into the assisted living facility. She really had no idea what was going on, so it wasn't difficult to talk her into moving out. And it was absolutely the right thing to do. She had fallen a couple of times, and there was no belief things would ever get better.

But the fun part came some months later, when she became lucid. And she was NOT happy being "in a home". And she wanted her house back. And man was she pissed about it. I felt sorry for my mom a lot, as she watched her mom deteriorate over the course of years. But the worst part for her might have actually been when she had her mom back for a period of time, and all my grandma could do was give her grief for being such a horrible daughter because she took the house away from her and put her in this place.

My old man insists he's going, "the indian way." He's just going into the woods to sit under a tree and will himself to death. I hope he at least leaves a note.

 
Sweet J said:
Bob Sacamano said:
Sweet J said:
In therapy this past tuesday, I said to my wife: "I really don't want to be married to you anymore. There have been just too many hard times, too much difficulty, too much hurt feelings. That being said, I die a little bit every time I come over to pick the kids up and you are sitting in the bathroom crying. Or I call to check on the kids and you start crying on the phone and the kids see you crying and then they cry. I can't stand to see you in so much pain. So I'll come back home."

And she said, "Ok, I'll take it."

.
Click to expand...
I just can't fathom this. First of all, my wife would respond with something along the lines of, "Like hell you will. I don't want your pity. Eat a ####."

But mostly, I don't get being that desperate to be with someone who just told you outright that they don't want to be with you.

Remind me: how old are your kids?
Click to expand...
yeah, I was really expecting my wife to be like: "to hell you are coming back just for that." So she called my bluff. My wife can really be hilarious some times. I'm taking this with as much humor as I can.

My kids are awesome. My son is 12 and effing rocks the house. I love this kid so much. He's funny and strong and smart.

My daughter is 10. In fact, just had a birthday party yesturday afternoon with 17 other screaming 10 year old girls, and my son, who was loving all the attention he was getting. My kid sister just put a bunch of pictures up on facebook. I'm going to tag a bunch in a second.

That reminds me . . . my 29 year old kid sister has been living with me for the last year. We've got a basement apartment. It's been awesome because she gets to hang out with my kids, particularly my daugther, who idolizes her. Plus, she's gorgeous (meaning she has gorgeous friends, which are always nice to look at when they come over). And I've gone out drinking more in the past year than in the previous 5 combined.

You guys have my permission to friend my sister on facebook, and make up some ridiculous story about how we know eachother.
Click to expand...
Well, good luck, gb. I know it's been a long road, and I hope you find some happiness at the end of it.

 
Bob Sacamano said:
My old man insists he's going, "the indian way." He's just going into the woods to sit under a tree and will himself to death. I hope he at least leaves a note.
Click to expand...
Sounds like my father, his brothers, his uncles, etc.. Most end up not doing it their way. The macho #### gets forgotten.

Swear to whoever he/she/it is that I'd rather have krista's friend Mark's choice than no choice at all. That doesn't make it any easier on the rest, but being able to say "I'm done now" yourself is better than someone else having to say (or watch) it.

 
Dear Sweet J,

Please remember that the model for post-divorce relationships is Stu. While GM and urbanhack and Redmond are fantastic people, they are not role models.

Love,

The internet

 
2 p.m. ET I have a pedicure appointment with "Wendy" (I'm sure, since she was born in Viet Nam, that that's her birth name; also - see my posts from a month or so ago for additional pedi-drama).

 
Sweet J said:
Bob Sacamano said:
Sweet J said:
In therapy this past tuesday, I said to my wife: "I really don't want to be married to you anymore. There have been just too many hard times, too much difficulty, too much hurt feelings. That being said, I die a little bit every time I come over to pick the kids up and you are sitting in the bathroom crying. Or I call to check on the kids and you start crying on the phone and the kids see you crying and then they cry. I can't stand to see you in so much pain. So I'll come back home."

And she said, "Ok, I'll take it."

.
Click to expand...
I just can't fathom this. First of all, my wife would respond with something along the lines of, "Like hell you will. I don't want your pity. Eat a ####."

But mostly, I don't get being that desperate to be with someone who just told you outright that they don't want to be with you.

Remind me: how old are your kids?
Click to expand...
yeah, I was really expecting my wife to be like: "to hell you are coming back just for that." So she called my bluff. My wife can really be hilarious some times. I'm taking this with as much humor as I can.

My kids are awesome. My son is 12 and effing rocks the house. I love this kid so much. He's funny and strong and smart.

My daughter is 10. In fact, just had a birthday party yesturday afternoon with 17 other screaming 10 year old girls, and my son, who was loving all the attention he was getting. My kid sister just put a bunch of pictures up on facebook. I'm going to tag a bunch in a second.

That reminds me . . . my 29 year old kid sister has been living with me for the last year. We've got a basement apartment. It's been awesome because she gets to hang out with my kids, particularly my daugther, who idolizes her. Plus, she's gorgeous (meaning she has gorgeous friends, which are always nice to look at when they come over). And I've gone out drinking more in the past year than in the previous 5 combined.

You guys have my permission to friend my sister on facebook, and make up some ridiculous story about how we know eachother.
Click to expand...
I was friends with your gorgeous brother at one point (you put us in touch re Inauguration), until he defriended me. :kicksrock:

 
Aaron Rudnicki said:
General Malaise said:
T Bell said:
-fish- said:
My man love for Clayton Kershaw knows no bounds
Click to expand...
Yeah, he's fairly decent at this pitching thing. Ought to stick with it, I think.
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Same high school as Matt Stafford, Doak Walker, Angie Harmon, Bobby Layne, John Hinkley Jr. and F. Van Nezbitt!
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I thought Abe said he went to the same school
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Highland Park? It's possible, but I don't know too many Parkies that fill their luxury import gas tanks up one gallon at a time.

 
Sweet J said:
Bob Sacamano said:
Sweet J said:
In therapy this past tuesday, I said to my wife: "I really don't want to be married to you anymore. There have been just too many hard times, too much difficulty, too much hurt feelings. That being said, I die a little bit every time I come over to pick the kids up and you are sitting in the bathroom crying. Or I call to check on the kids and you start crying on the phone and the kids see you crying and then they cry. I can't stand to see you in so much pain. So I'll come back home."

And she said, "Ok, I'll take it."

.
Click to expand...
I just can't fathom this. First of all, my wife would respond with something along the lines of, "Like hell you will. I don't want your pity. Eat a ####."

But mostly, I don't get being that desperate to be with someone who just told you outright that they don't want to be with you.

Remind me: how old are your kids?
Click to expand...
yeah, I was really expecting my wife to be like: "to hell you are coming back just for that." So she called my bluff. My wife can really be hilarious some times. I'm taking this with as much humor as I can.

My kids are awesome. My son is 12 and effing rocks the house. I love this kid so much. He's funny and strong and smart.

My daughter is 10. In fact, just had a birthday party yesturday afternoon with 17 other screaming 10 year old girls, and my son, who was loving all the attention he was getting. My kid sister just put a bunch of pictures up on facebook. I'm going to tag a bunch in a second.

That reminds me . . . my 29 year old kid sister has been living with me for the last year. We've got a basement apartment. It's been awesome because she gets to hang out with my kids, particularly my daugther, who idolizes her. Plus, she's gorgeous (meaning she has gorgeous friends, which are always nice to look at when they come over). And I've gone out drinking more in the past year than in the previous 5 combined.

You guys have my permission to friend my sister on facebook, and make up some ridiculous story about how we know eachother.
Click to expand...
Thorn, on 31 Oct 2012 - 11:00 PM, said:

Thorn said:
'krista4', on 31 Oct 2012 - 10:50 PM, said:

'krista4 said:
'Thorn', on 31 Oct 2012 - 10:45 PM, said:

'Thorn said:
Is anyone else here friends with sweet j on FB? I wish he was around here more, because I don't really have a feel for how he would react to me friending his sister after today. :unsure:
Click to expand...
I was friends with his brother for a bit until he (the brother) defriended me. :kicksrock: Was friends with the brother at J's invite because we were all going to be in DC for the inauguration. Also, his brother was hot.
Click to expand...
I would totally pretend to vote for whomever wins in order to go to an inauguration with her.
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:oldunsure:

 
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