GM's thread about nothing (65 Viewers)

[General Malaise]

This gal laughed at my miniscule wenis upon first sight and mocked, "Who are you going to please with that thing?"

I just smiled and said boldly: "ME!"

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

Reminds me of the old joke about the serial number at the base end of all condoms....

Me: Hey, Homer...you ever noticed the serial numbers they put at the base of every condom?

You: No.

Me: Didn't think so. BURNNNNNNN!

LloooolZzz

See, its supposed to be a small penis joke, but I probably told it wrong.

Me: Hey, GM...do you know what a woman says after 3 orgasm?

You: No, I don't.

Me: Yeah, didn't think so.

Orgasm is singular. The plural is orgasms. Not that you'll ever need to know.

Thanks. That was a typo.

 

[Thorn]

Reminds me of the old joke about the serial number at the base end of all condoms....

Me: Hey, Homer...you ever noticed the serial numbers they put at the base of every condom?

You: No.

Me: Didn't think so. BURNNNNNNN!

LloooolZzz

See, its supposed to be a small penis joke, but I probably told it wrong.

Me: Hey, GM...do you know what a woman says after 3 orgasm?

You: No, I don't.

Me: Yeah, didn't think so.

Orgasm is singular. The plural is orgasms. Not that you'll ever need to know.

Thanks. That was a typo.

 

[Thorn]

Mostly I insult tanner for the gifs and jpgs he posts in response. Mostly.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

This gal laughed at my miniscule wenis upon first sight and mocked, "Who are you going to please with that thing?"

I just smiled and said boldly: "ME!"

A guy visiting Vegas calls an escort service. After she gets to the guy's hotel room she announces that she charges $500 an hour. The guy tries to bargain with her but she won't budge. He begrudgingly hands over the money.

Before she can undress he starts to flog his dolphin furiously.

She asks him what he's doing.

He says "For $500 you're not getting the easy one!"

 

[Uruk-Hai]

Portland public schools are closing early today. With blizzard conditions like this, why wouldn't you?

Here in Dallas we're getting raped by a big snow penis.

God, Dusting is a HUGE county compared to the rest

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

Mostly I insult tanner for the gifs and jpgs he posts in response. Mostly.

An error occurredYou have reached your quota of positive votes for the day

 

[Bob Sacamano]

BobbySac> You going to labshole? I'm told you're labsroyalty.

They probably said rolyaTy. Nobody there can keep aliai straight. Everybody thought I was Happy Scnhapps for like 5 years.

 

[Notorious T.R.E.]

BobbySac> You going to labshole? I'm told you're labsroyalty.

They probably said rolyaTy. Nobody there can keep aliai straight. Everybody thought I was Happy Scnhapps for like 5 years.

Is Happy Schnapps available?

(you going?)

 

[Bob Sacamano]

BobbySac> You going to labshole? I'm told you're labsroyalty.

They probably said rolyaTy. Nobody there can keep aliai straight. Everybody thought I was Happy Scnhapps for like 5 years.

Is Happy Schnapps available?

(you going?)

Hang on. Let me log back on as him.

 

[Bob Sacamano]

Likely not. Currently have plans to be beaching that weekend.

 

[Notorious T.R.E.]

Likely not. Currently have plans to be beaching that weekend.

 

[Bob Sacamano]

Also, I have no excuse to go there. One of my goals in life is to never have a conversation with my wife that starts, "I'm flying across the country to meet some guys I met online."

I have very low expectations for myself.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

Portland public schools are closing early today. With blizzard conditions like this, why wouldn't you?

Here in Dallas we're getting raped by a big snow penis.

God, Dusting is a HUGE county compared to the rest

 

[Notorious T.R.E.]

Also, I have no excuse to go there. One of my goals in life is to never have a conversation with my wife that starts, "I'm flying across the country to meet some guys I met online."

I have very low expectations for myself.

Oh, you've never holed? Or just never flown to hole?

Oh well, no beers with Bobby.

 

[Homer J Simpson]

Also, I have no excuse to go there. One of my goals in life is to never have a conversation with my wife that starts, "I'm flying across the country to meet some guys I met online."

I have very low expectations for myself.

Oh, you've never holed? Or just never flown to hole?

Oh well, no beers with Bobby.

Oh, he has been holed.

 

[Bob Sacamano]

Also, I have no excuse to go there. One of my goals in life is to never have a conversation with my wife that starts, "I'm flying across the country to meet some guys I met online."

I have very low expectations for myself.

Oh, you've never holed? Or just never flown to hole?

Oh well, no beers with Bobby.

Oh, my list of holees is long and distinguished. My wife has even met GM. Or so I'm told. But they're usually meetings that happen in conjunction with something else that's already occurring.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

A series of fat cat related pics

Snow

Snow 2

Door

 

[YSR]

Portland public schools are closing early today. With blizzard conditions like this, why wouldn't you?

Here in Dallas we're getting raped by a big snow penis.

That's not what that looks like to me.

It looks like a lady's finger fingering something.

Okay, whew. I thought I had a dirty mind or something.

 

[Homer J Simpson]

Portland public schools are closing early today. With blizzard conditions like this, why wouldn't you?

Here in Dallas we're getting raped by a big snow penis.

That's not what that looks like to me.

It looks like a lady's finger fingering something.

Okay, whew. I thought I had a dirty mind or something.

Both things can be true.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

What the hell? I never would have majored in History if I'd known about this option.

 

[Bob Sacamano]

What the hell? I never would have majored in History if I'd known about this option.

Seems like those shouldn't be mutually exclusive options. Someone has to preserve the history of street #####s.

 

[Homer J Simpson]

What the hell? I never would have majored in History if I'd known about this option.

Meh. Too much maff.

 

[krista4]

I'm too lazy to scroll back a couple of pages so want to compliment Tanner on the captioning of the "I should buy a sled" picture.


Breaking Bad update!!!1111 I have completed Season 4 and...

Spoiler

am seriously considering not watching Season 5 and just telling myself that (1) everything turned out great in the end and (2) there was a pool party scene at which Brock was in attendance, but it was left on the cutting room floor.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

I'm too lazy to scroll back a couple of pages so want to compliment Tanner on the captioning of the "I should buy a sled" picture.

Breaking Bad update!!!1111 I have completed Season 4 and...

Spoiler

am seriously considering not watching Season 5 and just telling myself that (1) everything turned out great in the end and (2) there was a pool party scene at which Brock was in attendance, but it was left on the cutting room floor.

 

[Homer J Simpson]

I'm too lazy to scroll back a couple of pages so want to compliment Tanner on the captioning of the "I should buy a sled" picture.

Breaking Bad update!!!1111 I have completed Season 4 and...

Spoiler

am seriously considering not watching Season 5 and just telling myself that (1) everything turned out great in the end and (2) there was a pool party scene at which Brock was in attendance, but it was left on the cutting room floor.

Who spoiled it for you?!?!

 

[krista4]

My favorite Facebook friend is concerned about equity:

"I JUST HEARD MYSELF ON THE RANT WHAS11 TO COOL OVER CVS DOING AWAY WITH CIGS I CALLED YESTERDAY AND SAID I THUOGHT THAT WAS GRATE BUT WHAT ABOUT ALCOHOL!!!"

 

[Idiot Boxer]

Also, I have no excuse to go there. One of my goals in life is to never have a conversation with my wife that starts, "I'm flying across the country to meet some guys I met online."

I have very low expectations for myself.

Oh, you've never holed? Or just never flown to hole?

Oh well, no beers with Bobby.

Oh, my list of holees is long and distinguished. My wife has even met GM. Or so I'm told. But they're usually meetings that happen in conjunction with something else that's already occurring.

GB our annual fantasy football draft.

 

[Bob Sacamano]

My favorite Facebook friend is concerned about equity:

"I JUST HEARD MYSELF ON THE RANT WHAS11 TO COOL OVER CVS DOING AWAY WITH CIGS I CALLED YESTERDAY AND SAID I THUOGHT THAT WAS GRATE BUT WHAT ABOUT ALCOHOL!!!"

Apparently equity is a big issue these days. A member of my team is upset with the lack of equity in our paybands.

"I have an MBA and there are people at the same level as me who don't do the same level of work and don't have the same mental capacity and can't touch my education."

Yes, but they're not ###holes to everybody.

 

[Uruk-Hai]

My favorite Facebook friend is concerned about equity:

"I JUST HEARD MYSELF ON THE RANT WHAS11 TO COOL OVER CVS DOING AWAY WITH CIGS I CALLED YESTERDAY AND SAID I THUOGHT THAT WAS GRATE BUT WHAT ABOUT ALCOHOL!!!"

Good Lord. Julio would cringe at that English.

 

[krista4]

My favorite Facebook friend is concerned about equity:

"I JUST HEARD MYSELF ON THE RANT WHAS11 TO COOL OVER CVS DOING AWAY WITH CIGS I CALLED YESTERDAY AND SAID I THUOGHT THAT WAS GRATE BUT WHAT ABOUT ALCOHOL!!!"

Apparently equity is a big issue these days. A member of my team is upset with the lack of equity in our paybands.

"I have an MBA and there are people at the same level as me who don't do the same level of work and don't have the same mental capacity and can't touch my education."

Yes, but they're not ###holes to everybody.

 

[Leeroy Jenkins]

I'm too lazy to scroll back a couple of pages so want to compliment Tanner on the captioning of the "I should buy a sled" picture.

Breaking Bad update!!!1111 I have completed Season 4 and...

Spoiler

am seriously considering not watching Season 5 and just telling myself that (1) everything turned out great in the end and (2) there was a pool party scene at which Brock was in attendance, but it was left on the cutting room floor.

You're pot committed now. I'm impressed with how quickly you got through season 4.

 

[krista4]

Speaking of jerks at work, remember "I'm going on vacation Monday and you offered to cover for me and even though it's Thursday at noon I'm going to pawn this off on you even though you're on vacation right now" guy?

Well, I did his work for him and sent it to the business guys. Today the business guy sent a follow-up to both me and extended-vacation guy asking if one of us could do some time-consuming additional work on the transaction. I ignored it since we all have our own deals and this one is the responsibility of e-v guy for which I was only covering due to vacation. Sure enough, e-v guy forwarded the message to me and asked if I could do it and even had the guts to say that I could call him if I needed his help.

Oh no no no, you lazy *******. I sent him a kind note back in which I did not point out that this was his ####### deal but instead indicating his longer-term experience with the company and therefore greater expertise (which is not true) would make him a better fit for the request, but of course if he had any questions about my prior work on the matter he could ask. His response "Thanks, Krista."

I win, #######.

 

[T Bell]

Speaking of jerks at work, remember "I'm going on vacation Monday and you offered to cover for me and even though it's Thursday at noon I'm going to pawn this off on you even though you're on vacation right now" guy?

Well, I did his work for him and sent it to the business guys. Today the business guy sent a follow-up to both me and extended-vacation guy asking if one of us could do some time-consuming additional work on the transaction. I ignored it since we all have our own deals and this one is the responsibility of e-v guy for which I was only covering due to vacation. Sure enough, e-v guy forwarded the message to me and asked if I could do it and even had the guts to say that I could call him if I needed his help.

Oh no no no, you lazy *******. I sent him a kind note back in which I did not point out that this was his ####### deal but instead indicating his longer-term experience with the company and therefore greater expertise (which is not true) would make him a better fit for the request, but of course if he had any questions about my prior work on the matter he could ask. His response "Thanks, Krista."

I win, #######.

Wow, that's one lazy mother ####er.

 

[Notorious T.R.E.]

Speaking of jerks at work, remember "I'm going on vacation Monday and you offered to cover for me and even though it's Thursday at noon I'm going to pawn this off on you even though you're on vacation right now" guy?

Well, I did his work for him and sent it to the business guys. Today the business guy sent a follow-up to both me and extended-vacation guy asking if one of us could do some time-consuming additional work on the transaction. I ignored it since we all have our own deals and this one is the responsibility of e-v guy for which I was only covering due to vacation. Sure enough, e-v guy forwarded the message to me and asked if I could do it and even had the guts to say that I could call him if I needed his help.

Oh no no no, you lazy *******. I sent him a kind note back in which I did not point out that this was his ####### deal but instead indicating his longer-term experience with the company and therefore greater expertise (which is not true) would make him a better fit for the request, but of course if he had any questions about my prior work on the matter he could ask. His response "Thanks, Krista."

I win, #######.

Wow, that's one lazy mother ####er.

I like him.

 

[Uruk-Hai]

Well, Mata & I are booked to a Mexican vacation for the 1st full week in April. She hinted at some of the stuff she has to do to leave the country, even to Mexico (a place she's "allowed" to go). Not drama-ing this up; it's ####### crazy. Stuff like what passport #s mean as signposts.

 

[Bob Sacamano]

I wonder what her bosses think of your relationship.

 

[Uruk-Hai]

I wonder what her bosses think of your relationship.

They already know. I had to give her my PP #, but I know those guys already had everything about me. They don't give a #### about the moral end of it, just wanna make sure I'm not a N Korean spy I guess.

 

[bentley]

Speaking of jerks at work, remember "I'm going on vacation Monday and you offered to cover for me and even though it's Thursday at noon I'm going to pawn this off on you even though you're on vacation right now" guy?

Well, I did his work for him and sent it to the business guys. Today the business guy sent a follow-up to both me and extended-vacation guy asking if one of us could do some time-consuming additional work on the transaction. I ignored it since we all have our own deals and this one is the responsibility of e-v guy for which I was only covering due to vacation. Sure enough, e-v guy forwarded the message to me and asked if I could do it and even had the guts to say that I could call him if I needed his help.

Oh no no no, you lazy *******. I sent him a kind note back in which I did not point out that this was his ####### deal but instead indicating his longer-term experience with the company and therefore greater expertise (which is not true) would make him a better fit for the request, but of course if he had any questions about my prior work on the matter he could ask. His response "Thanks, Krista."

I win, #######.

ISWYDT. The ol' attaching the squeegee to his battery trick.

 

[bentley]

It's cool to read about the races everyone is running in the weeks and months ahead and also to see the words of support. It's kinda like when I mentioned that I'm doing a half marathon next weekend and got zero response.

THANKS A LOT, ####ERS!

 

[Tiger Fan]

Well, Mata & I are booked to a Mexican vacation for the 1st full week in April. She hinted at some of the stuff she has to do to leave the country, even to Mexico (a place she's "allowed" to go). Not drama-ing this up; it's ####### crazy. Stuff like what passport #s mean as signposts.

congrats on your engagement

 

[Notorious T.R.E.]

It's cool to read about the races everyone is running in the weeks and months ahead and also to see the words of support. It's kinda like when I mentioned that I'm doing a half marathon next weekend and got zero response.

THANKS A LOT, ####ERS!

I'll support you when you talk about drinking afterwards.

 

[Aaron Rudnicki]

Good luck running a lot Bentley.

 

[heckmanm]

Portland public schools are closing early today. With blizzard conditions like this, why wouldn't you?

"Stay strong"

Should I chain up?

No, but you may want to put on some reflective clothing.

Trust me. If there's one thing GM does NOT need....

No, but... the snow, see...blending in...

Dammit, I knew I was rushing that one.

 

[Abraham]

You guys were serious about all that running? #### that ####. For real, yo.

 

[Homer J Simpson]

Running.

 

[Homer J Simpson]

Well, Mata & I are booked to a Mexican vacation for the 1st full week in April. She hinted at some of the stuff she has to do to leave the country, even to Mexico (a place she's "allowed" to go). Not drama-ing this up; it's ####### crazy. Stuff like what passport #s mean as signposts.

You should probably watch Alias and Chuck to get a realistic idea about what female secret agents have to do with. You want to be prepared here, gb.

 

[krista4]

I'm too lazy to scroll back a couple of pages so want to compliment Tanner on the captioning of the "I should buy a sled" picture.

Breaking Bad update!!!1111 I have completed Season 4 and...

Spoiler

am seriously considering not watching Season 5 and just telling myself that (1) everything turned out great in the end and (2) there was a pool party scene at which Brock was in attendance, but it was left on the cutting room floor.

Spoiler

You're pot committed now. I'm impressed with how quickly you got through season 4.

I was going to start right in on Season 5, but my head hurts and I think I need a break.

It's cool to read about the races everyone is running in the weeks and months ahead and also to see the words of support. It's kinda like when I mentioned that I'm doing a half marathon next weekend and got zero response.

THANKS A LOT, ####ERS!

We all "liked" your post but then all the "likes" were lost when Abe broke the board one time.

(Are you buying this? Anyway, good luck!!)

 

[Aaron Rudnicki]

Running.

 

[Notorious T.R.E.]

GB HomerJ