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@GSElevator’s Guide To Being A Man (1 Viewer)

Raider Nation

Devil's Advocate
http://www.businessinsider.com/the-gselevator-guide-to-being-a-man-2013-9

We've all seen and perhaps grown tired of guides and lists that are rife with tedious clichés and full of humdrum regurgitated meme wisdom.

For that very reason, @GSElevator in collaboration with John Carney (@Carney) of CNBC.com presents a fresh, and hopefully thoughtful, look at what it means to be a man today.

  • Stop talking about where you went to college.
  • Always carry cash. Keep some in your front pocket.
  • Rebel from business casual. Burn your khakis and wear a suit or jeans.
  • Its okay to trade the possibility of your 80s and 90s for more guaranteed fun in your 20s and 30s.
  • The best public restrooms are in hotels: The St. Regis in New York, Claridges in London, The Fullerton in Singapore, to name a few.
  • Never stay out after midnight three nights in a row unless something really good comes up on the third night.
  • You will regret your tattoos.
  • Never date an ex of your friend.
  • Join Twitter; become your own curator of information.
  • If riding the bus doesn't incentivize you to improve your station in life, nothing will.
  • Time is too short to do your own laundry. 

  • When the bartender asks, you should already know what you want to drink.
  • If you perspire, wear a damn undershirt.
  • You dont have to like baseball, but you should understand the concept of what a pitchers ERA means. Approach life similarly.
  • When people dont invite you to a party, you really shouldnt go.
 And sometimes even when you are invited, you shouldnt go.
 

  • People are tired of you being the funny, drunk guy. 

  • When in doubt, always kiss the girl.
  • Tip more than you should.
  • You probably use your cell phone too often and at the wrong moments.

  • Buy expensive sunglasses. Superficial? Yes, but so are the women judging you. And it tells these women you appreciate nice things and are responsible enough not to lose them.
  • If you want a nice umbrella, bring a sh*tty one to church.
  • Do 50 push-ups, sit-ups, and dips before you shower each morning. 

  • Eat brunch with friends at least every other weekend. Leave Rusty and Junior at home.
  • Be a regular at more than one bar.
  • Act like youve been there before. It doesnt matter if its in the end zone at the Super Bowl or on a private plane.
  • A glass of wine or two with lunch will not ruin your day.

  • Its better if old men cut your hair. Ask for Sammy at the Mandarin Oriental Barbershop in Hong Kong. He can share his experiences of the Japanese occupation, or just give you a copy of Playboy.
  • Learn how to fly-fish.
  • No selfies. Aspire to experience photo-worthy moments in the company of a beautiful woman.
  • Own a handcrafted shotgun. Its a beautiful thing.
  • Theres always another level. Just be content knowing that you are still better off than most who have ever lived.
  • You can get away with a lot more if you're the one buying the drinks.
  • Ask for a salad instead of fries.

  • Dont split a check.
  • Pretty women who are unaccompanied want you to talk to them.
  • Cobblers will save your shoes. So will shoe trees.
  • When a bartender buys you a round, tip double. 


  • The cliché is that having money is about not wasting time. But in reality, money is about facilitating spontaneity.
  • Be spontaneous.
  • Find a Times New Roman in the streets and a Wingdings in the sheets. She exists.
  • Piercings are liabilities in fights. 

  • Do not use an electric razor. 

  • Desserts are for women. Order one and pretend you dont mind that shes eating yours.

  • Buy a tuxedo before you are thirty. Stay that size.

  • One girlfriend at a time is probably enough.

  • #StopItWithTheHastags
  • Your ties should be rolled and placed in a sectioned tie drawer. 

  • Throw parties. 
But have someone else clean up the next day.
  • You may only request one song from the DJ. 

  • Measure yourself only against your previous self.
  • Take more pictures. With a camera.
  • Place-dropping is worse than name-dropping.

  • When you admire the work of artists or writers, tell them. 
And spend money to acquire their work.


  • Your clothes do not match. They go together. 

  • Yes, of course you have to buy her dinner. 

  • Staying angry is a waste of energy.

  • Revenge can be a good way of getting over anger. 


  • If she expects the person you are 20% of the time, 100% of the time, then she doesn't want you.
  • Always bring a bottle of something to the party.


  • Avoid that last whiskey. Youve probably had enough. 

  • Dont use the word closure or ever expect it in real life. There may still be a mortally wounded Russian mobster roaming the woods of south Jersey, but well never know.
  • If you are wittier than you are handsome, avoid loud clubs. 

  • Drink outdoors.
 And during the day.
 And sometimes by yourself.
  • Date women outside your social set. Youll be surprised.

  • If its got velvet ropes and lines, walk away unless you know someone. 

  • You cannot have a love affair with whiskey because whiskey will never love you back.

  • Feigning unpretentiousness is worse than being pretentious. Cut it out with the vintage Polo and that 83 Wagoneer in Nantucket.
  • The New Yorker is not high-brow. Neither is The Economist. 

  • If you believe in evolution, you should know something about how it works.
  • No-one cares if you are offended, so stop it. 

  • Never take an ex back. She tried to do better and is settling with you.
  • Eating out alone can be magnificent. Find a place where you can sit at the bar.
  • Read more. It allows you to borrow someone elses brain, and will make you more interesting at a dinner party provided that you dont initiate conversation with, So, who are you reading
  • Ignore the boos. They usually come from the cheap seats.
  • Hookers arent cool, and remember, the free ones are a lot more expensive.
  • Dont ever say, it is what it is.
  • Start a wine collection for your kids when they are born. Add a few cases every year without telling them. Itll make a phenomenal gift in twenty years.
  • Dont gamble if losing $100 is going to piss you off.
  • Remember, rules are for the obedience of fools and the guidance of wise men.
 
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  • Don't split a check.
The most annoying one for me when I'm out for a business lunch and they want to split the check. I went out with three other guys at lunch once, I got up to use the restroom after I ate and came back to four checks and a combination of cash, credit cards and one confused server.

Now I just pick up the check before they have a chance to figure out who ate what. Stupid.

 
Most guys I've worked with take way too long to figure these out.

  • Stop talking about where you went to college.
  • Place-dropping is worse than name-dropping.

 
  • Don't split a check.
The most annoying one for me when I'm out for a business lunch and they want to split the check. I went out with three other guys at lunch once, I got up to use the restroom after I ate and came back to four checks and a combination of cash, credit cards and one confused server.

Now I just pick up the check before they have a chance to figure out who ate what. Stupid.
Please unpack this. Good lord. Four guys pay for lunch with four checks, combination of cash, & cards?! Some broke asses?

 
  • Don't split a check.
The most annoying one for me when I'm out for a business lunch and they want to split the check. I went out with three other guys at lunch once, I got up to use the restroom after I ate and came back to four checks and a combination of cash, credit cards and one confused server.

Now I just pick up the check before they have a chance to figure out who ate what. Stupid.
Please unpack this. Good lord. Four guys pay for lunch with four checks, combination of cash, & cards?! Some broke asses?
More like cheap mother####ers. It was a good 15 mins for the server to get it all squared away - my last lunch with those guys.

 
If you perspire, wear a damn undershirt.
This one is a Catch-22. If you perspire a lot it's generally because you overheat. If you wear an undershirt to catch that perspiration, however, then that an undershirt is another layer of clothing that causes you to overheat more that causes you to perspire more. I've fought this battle and I prefer the no undershirt route. If I'm going to sweat anyway, I don't want to be uncomfortably hot all day.
 
That list is a joke. It has to be. It only includes (questionable)advice for single men under the age of 30 with no kids.

 
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Avoid that last whiskey. Youve probably had enough. 


Wouldn't that mean you can't have any whiskey ever? What a bogus list.

 
About three good pieces of advice.

The rest reads like a list made by the young barfly committed to a life of mediocrity, except for the exercise advice, which reads like something written by an 80-year old ex-HS gym teacher.

 
if i am on business i have to split the check because I have to use a corporate card in order for reimbursement

out with friends no ####### way

 
splitting checks is ok, just do it easy and always use a card. don't look at the check and add up your stuff, just split it evenly. If it takes a server 15 minutes to split a check evenly 4 ways, its on the server.

 
I think it's a decent enough list (47, no kids). Don't agree with it all, but much of it resonates.

 
BroadwayG said:
Avoid that last whiskey. Youve probably had enough. 


Wouldn't that mean you can't have any whiskey ever? What a bogus list.
If you can't figure that one out, this list isn't for you.

I think it's a good list.

 
Lists like these are pointless. If you dont already know to pick up a check when out on a date then youre pretty much useless.

Pictures with a camera??? thanks for the tip.

Carry some cash? who knew?

Dont go to parties you arent invited to? brilliant!

 
Help with this one?

  • If you want a nice umbrella, bring a sh*tty one to church.
I took it as he was implying you steal the nice ones? But that doesn't seem to follow with the rest of the points, so not sure.

 
Help with this one?

  • If you want a nice umbrella, bring a sh*tty one to church.
I took it as he was implying you steal the nice ones? But that doesn't seem to follow with the rest of the points, so not sure.
I thought it implied that Jesus would give you a nice new umbrella.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure that was a story in the Bible where Jesus turned the lepers' ####ty umbrellas into bespoke ones. Or something like that.
 
@GSElevator tattletale exposed (he wasn't in the elevator)Published: Tuesday, 25 Feb 2014 | 1:48 AM ET

A three-year parlor game has been taking place on Wall Street to identify the Goldman Sachs employee behind a Twitter account that purports to reveal the uncensored comments overheard in the firm's elevators.

The Twitter account, @GSElevator, reports overheard remarks like, "I never give money to homeless people. I can't reward failure in good conscience," and "Groupon…Food stamps for the middle class."

The Twitter account, which has an audience of more than 600,000 followers, has been the subject of an internal inquiry at Goldman to find the rogue employee. The tweets, often laced with insider references to deals in the news, appeal to both Wall Street bankers and outsiders who mock the industry. Late last month, the writer sold a book about Wall Street culture based on the tweets for a six-figure sum.

There is a good reason Goldman Sachs has been unable to uncover its Twitter-happy employee: He doesn't work at the firm. And he never did.

The author is a 34-year-old former bond executive who lives in Texas. His name is John Lefevre.

He had tried to remain anonymous, scrubbing the Internet of mentions of his name and pictures of himself on all but a handful of sites. Some people had already speculated that @GSElevator was not hanging around the halls of Goldman.

The ability of people like Mr. Lefevre to create anonymous Twitter accounts underscores concerns about the veracity of what is published and the identity of authors. It also raises questions about whether publishers are blurring the line between real life and the made-up kind.

Upon being contacted late last week after several weeks of reporting uncovered his identity, he confirmed his alter ego. "Frankly, I'm surprised it has taken this long," he said by phone. "I knew this day would come."

CNBC's Kayla Tausche reports how Goldman Sachs has become one of the top attractors for young talent on Wall Street.
Mr. Lefevre, who worked for Citigroup for seven years, said the Twitter account started as "a joke to entertain myself."

He quickly interrupted the inevitable line of questioning about how he had never worked at Goldman and appeared to be an impostor. "To pre-empt what you're about to say, legally speaking," he said, "I was never explicitly an employee of the firm."

Mr. Lefevre was offered a job as head of debt syndicate in Asia at Goldman's Hong Kong office in August 2010, but the offer was later revoked, according to people at the firm who spoke on the condition of anonymity because they were not authorized to discuss the matter. Mr. Lefevre said his previous employer contended that he was bound by a noncompete agreement and "things turned nasty with my old boss and he threatened a lawsuit against me and Goldman."

By Mr. Lefevre's own account of his experience with Goldman: "My contract was never rescinded. We cordially agreed to part ways to avoid a public mess. I don't know how much I can talk about it. It wasn't acrimonious."

When pressed about whether he had implicitly misrepresented himself as a Goldman employee, he said he deliberately never said in any of his tweets that he worked for the firm. "This was never about me as a person," he said. "It wasn't about a firm. The stories aren't Goldman Sachs in particular. It was about the culture in general."

A Goldman spokesman, after being told that @GSElevator had been unmasked, said in a statement, "We are pleased to report that the official ban on talking in elevators will be lifted effective immediately."
The fact that Mr. Lefevre was not a Goldman employee did not appear to dissuade his publisher, Touchstone, an imprint of Simon & Schuster, which said it had not been misled.

"He's been pretty straight with us the entire time, so this is not a surprise," said the book's editor, Matthew Benjamin, who bought the book without ever meeting Mr. Lefevre. "That you're writing about him speaks to the interest he's generated. We always expected his identity to be revealed at some point."

Mr. Lefevre's agent, Byrd Leavell, said: "What matters is that every story in the book is true. John's material he delivered is hilarious. The book isn't going to live or die on whether he worked at Goldman Sachs for two months or not."

Mr. Lefevre, who started at Citigroup in New York in 2001 after graduating from Babson College before moving with the firm to London and then Hong Kong, said that he was inspired to start the Twitter account in the fall of 2011. "I was sitting around with a friend at a bar," he said.

At the time, an account called @CondeElevator had sprung up, supposedly chronicling the goings-on in the elevator of the media company Condé Nast. "I thought, 'This is ridiculous that people are infatuated with Condé Nast. If they only saw the elitist, sexist and out-of-touch things bankers say.' People had no idea what it is really like."

He said he chose to name his account after Goldman Sachs because "it was commercial." In an email, Mr. Lefevre added, Goldman "has more love/hate Main Street appeal." At the time, the Occupy Wall Street movement was in full swing. He said he was also struck by some of the lines, comical to him, he heard from people at Goldman when he first received a job offer. "Even socializing with them — going to bars and having guys buy girls drinks and then throw out a line like, 'Don't worry ladies, these drinks are on Goldman Sachs.' "
Mr. Lefevre, who left Citigroup in 2008 and began to work at a start-up boutique firm in 2009 in Hong Kong, insisted that many of the exchanges he published on Twitter were true: "I've been collecting these stories for years."

He said his intent was neither to mock nor glamorize Wall Street. "I do not have an agenda to paint the people or this culture one way or the other," he said, adding that he was "always a cynical banker" when he worked on Wall Street but "I loved it. We did a lot of crazy stuff. It's not like I had a great epiphany along the way."

Still, he said that working on Wall Street was an eye-opener. "I went into investment banking and I saw a group of people that aren't as impressive as I thought they were — or as impressive as they thought they were. They defined themselves as human beings by their jobs."

His Twitter feed has become red meat for industry critics, something Mr. Lefevre said was initially unintentional but later something he tried to stoke. "A lot of times I pander, I'll be honest with you. I pander for retweets," he said, referring to users blasting copies of a tweet to their own followers, multiplying its reach.

He said his Twitter account had evolved over the last few years: "Early on, I tweeted more about specific people or deals, inside jokes/commentary, and even a few ad hominem attacks. That gave me a certain validation and credibility. But over time, the tweets have been increasingly styled to have a bit more commercial appeal.

"I don't consider it selling out or pandering to a lower common denominator; I think of it more as adapting to what the widest possible audience of people responds favorably to."

Mr. Lefevre, who refused to disclose his location in Texas, started worrying several months ago that his identity would be revealed. He received some emails from friends who had guessed it was him. He also noticed that some Goldman Sachs employees had viewed his LinkedIn profile page; he later removed it.

Now that he has been outed, he said, "it's something that can be embraced. And I certainly don't have anything to hide."

By CNBC anchor and New York Times writer Andrew Ross Sorkin
 
I love how it says that you shouldn't be the drunk funny guy, and in the same list says its ok to have two glasses of wine at lunch, you should be a regular at more than 1 bar (so if regular = 2+ nights a week, and more than 1 only means two, that means you have to spend 4 out of 7 nights a week at a bar), and its ok to drink outdoors, by yourself. It's like reading a DSP thread.

 
I love how it says that you shouldn't be the drunk funny guy, and in the same list says its ok to have two glasses of wine at lunch, you should be a regular at more than 1 bar (so if regular = 2+ nights a week, and more than 1 only means two, that means you have to spend 4 out of 7 nights a week at a bar), and its ok to drink outdoors, by yourself. It's like reading a DSP thread.
I don't think any of that is inconsistent. It may be wrong, but it seems to imply that you should be unafraid to drink but know how to do so without getting sloppy. I also don't know if being a regular means two days a week.

 
When I think of "bar regulars" I really don't think of responsible alcohol consumption, but I guess people will argue anything on here. Also, two glasses of wine with lunch works in Argentina, but then again they don't get much work done in the afternoon.

 

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