Personal story that I am not proud of, but have shared with a few close friends as it was an important and shocking learning experience for me - and I hoped, given how well they knew me, might be instructive for them.
First, a little background on me:
- I have a strong moral compass (never cheated on an exam, never stole anything, never cheated on a girlfriend, don't lie unless it is to spare someone's feelings, etc.)
- I have strong independent streak (don't follow the crowd, happily question conventional wisdom, not terribly susceptible to peer pressure - or so I thought)
- Went to college at a well-respected undergrad business school where I got good grades
Ok, so here goes:
My senior year of college I exited the campus bar after a night of moderate drinking (about 4 drinks over 2-3 hours). I was definitely buzzed but I NEVER got out-of-control drunk (am too controlling to ever let myself get out-of-control). Upon exiting I found a crowd had gathered outside in the cold November New England air. It was 12:30 pm, the bar had just closed and campus police were attempting (per usual) to disperse the crowd with "keep it moving," "break it up," and "let's go people." The crowd, however, was at first moving more slowly than usual, but as the campus police got more adamant the crowd seemed to get more agitated. In retrospect I could see that each side was escalating the situation by degrees. Back and forth, little by little each side attempted to assert its will over the other. The campus police (4 cops) had the authority, but the crowd had the size advantage (~60 people and the unstated knowledge within that "they can't write us ALL up"). But as I said above, the escalation by degrees was only apparent to me in retrospect. In the moment, I was getting more frustrated and agitated with how the campus police felt the need to continuously assert their authority over us. And the years of living on this woodsy campus in the suburbs of Boston with these wannabe tough-guy cops who felt the need to break up our dorm parties and confiscate our beer provided me and others with an us-against-them mentality for the current we're-not-gonna-take-it-anymore more moment. A few snowballs got tossed at the cops from some far-off part of the crowd and one hit a cop in the chest. The crowd erupted in cheers and jeers. The campus police must have already called for back-up because almost simultaneously 3 or 4 cruisers (lights flashing) arrived on the scene. One of my friends grabbed me and pulled me from the edge of crowd with a "let's get outta here" and we started walking back to our dorm. I didn't resist him in the least but I could feel the invisible pull of that crowd on me. I don't know if it was that I didn't want to miss what happened next or if I wanted to be PART of what happened next, but I know I felt like I was running FROM something and that didn't feel good. That feeling of running away mixed with my frustration with the cops now had me AS agitated as I was when I was PART of the crowd. The walkways through the woodsy campus were lined with thin rebar stakes 3 feet high so the plows could easily follow the winding paths. Without any thought or consideration of the repercussions, I plucked one of these three foot rebar spikes from the ground, recoiled and turned in a single motion, and tossed it toward the darkened first floor window of a unoccupied classroom building. I expected the 5'x3' window to shatter. I wanted to destroy something and I wanted the satisfaction of a large crashing sound and the visual of 15' sqft of glass breaking. Instead, the rebar sailed like a javelin, pierced the window almost silently and left only a bullet-hole sized opening on the exterior of the building. Still, the moment immediately shocked me. WTF did I just do? Why did I do that? What if someone was in that room (unlikely as the lights were off at 12:30 pm on a Friday, but still had I considered all that before throwing it?). I was jolted awake and felt suddenly sobered in an instant. We ran back to our dorm. 30 years later I couldn't tell you ANYTHING else about that night except the above and the fact that my friend and I NEVER spoke about the incident again. To this day, it remains one of the defining moments of my life...something I think about multiple times per year. No one was injured, property damage was minimal, but the loss of control, the feeling of being swept up in the moment scares the F out of me to this day.
So, to your question of "what's going on in the minds of people?" I can only answer with my limited experience that what is going through their minds are likely:
- lots of things (some connected to the moment, some brought from years prior, some that have NOTHING to do with any of this)
- nothing, just pure emotion escalated by degrees that are only clear in retrospect
For instance,
- Person 1: all I did was yell
- Person 2: all I did was push
- Person 3: all I did was throw a brick
- Person 4: all I did was cheer when the window smashed
- Person 5: all I did was run through the store
- Person 6: all I did was grab a single t-shirt
- Person 7: all I did was grab a few lousy t-shirts
- Person 8: all I did was smash the register
- Person 9: all I did was pick up a few $20 bills that were already on the ground
Anyway, my point is simply that as a privileged d!ck in my 20s for whom everything had gone right, everything was easy - on THAT night, in THAT situation, I was weak.