timschochet
Footballguy
Interesting to say the least
Fantasy Football - Footballguys Forums
This is a sample guest message. Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!
Have you ever slept with a prostitute? (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter timschochet
- Start date
culdeus
Footballguy
Ron made a joke about his story being with a minor and the mods locked it up. He was obviously not serious as he was running some hilarious shtick about how she went on to be the COO of an internet startup and is running a VC firm in the valley, or something. It was obviously much better written.
Doctor Detroit
Please remove your headgear
General Malaise
Footballguy
Am I still gay?
Drifter
Footballguy
![[icon]](/data/avatars/m/5/5167.jpg?1660313464){kind=avatar}
[icon]
Insoxicated
TheAristocrat
Footballguy
Never been with a prostitute. Love the stories though.
General Malaise
Footballguy
General Malaise
Footballguy
flapgreen
Footballguy
Drifter
Footballguy
Bob Sacamano
Footballguy
Gaylite
T Bell
Footballguy
Could you take you tremendously unfunny "I hate anything religious' shtick and shove it deep inside your ####. It is horrible.is it just a coincidence that this thread was killed and resurrected from the dead, much like Jesus, who himself layed down with known prostitute mary magdalene?
Ilov80s
Footballguy
In an effort to ensure this is back on the rails, here is the only decent prostitute story I have.
In my early 20s, I lived with a guy named Drew. He had a big house his wealthy mom left him and it was a non-stop party. One typical night, we return to the house after a night at the bar to continue the party. Somewhere around 2:00, there is a knock at the door. By this point things had tapered down a bit as a large group left for Dennys. At the door is a small woman in sweat pants and a sweaty 400 pound guy. I don't remember much about the guy except he was in no shortage of mass or sweat, but I remember the girl vividly because she wore a nasty, tattered sweatsuit but her face was done-up like graduation day at clown academy.
"Hello?"
"I am here."
"I see. Why?"
"You called me."
"Nope"
" Andy called said to come here."
"Who is Andy?"
"The guy that called and said to come here"
Very slowly my stoned mind is trying to piece together a somewhat blurry night. Oh ####, they meant Drew. Why were they calling him Andy? Nobody ever calls him Andy. Maybe he met them at the bar and invited them over. He was drunk enough to do something weird like say he was Andy. Before we even left for the bar, he took a Roor bong hit so hard that he puked in the sink. I'm also pretty sure he puked up the last round of Yagerbombs at the bar as well. The guy then asks me if everything was legit and that he needed the money upfront. Big guy was under the impression Andy was alone. Oh ####, Drew's doing some kind of drug deal. No surprise, he was always buying and selling weed, shrooms, etc. So I invite them up to his room with the kind of confidence only alcohol could provide as I promise to get it all squared up right away.
I open the door to his bed room and ask them to wait in the hall. I see his unconscious pale fat nude body passed out in his bed. He has an unlit Parliament Light in his mouth and his body is propped up against a pillow and the headboard with his arms tucked behind his head like you might do on a hammock during a cool summer nap in the shade. I am still so stupid, I think he is buying weed. Why would he be buying weed from these dopes, we had an ounce of Trainwreck we bought the day before. Anyway, On his dresser I see a $20 bill and one of those cheap papers you can get for free at a news stand or bar. I look and sure enough it's open to some classifieds, presumably with the phone number of the girl in the hallway. Just as it dawns on me, the pair walk in the door and instantly jump back in shock. Partly because of him and because apparently there was a pile of vomit in front of the door that in the moment I hadn't even noticed. Now these two are pissed. We all have puke on our shoes. I hand them the $20, but it isn't enough they say. We start arguing and up come some of my other friends that had been in the basement, totally unaware of anything. We get a big round of "Who the #### are you?" from all parties. We give them another $20 and convince Bozo and her sidekick to take a hike. The next day, when we tell Drew what happened, he (who in no way could have remembered much of anything) denies that he ordered a hooker and insisted the last thing he did that night was order a pizza and there must have been a mistake with his order.
Of course he was full of ####, he ordered hookers all the time after that...but only once as "Andy."
In my early 20s, I lived with a guy named Drew. He had a big house his wealthy mom left him and it was a non-stop party. One typical night, we return to the house after a night at the bar to continue the party. Somewhere around 2:00, there is a knock at the door. By this point things had tapered down a bit as a large group left for Dennys. At the door is a small woman in sweat pants and a sweaty 400 pound guy. I don't remember much about the guy except he was in no shortage of mass or sweat, but I remember the girl vividly because she wore a nasty, tattered sweatsuit but her face was done-up like graduation day at clown academy.
"Hello?"
"I am here."
"I see. Why?"
"You called me."
"Nope"
" Andy called said to come here."
"Who is Andy?"
"The guy that called and said to come here"
Very slowly my stoned mind is trying to piece together a somewhat blurry night. Oh ####, they meant Drew. Why were they calling him Andy? Nobody ever calls him Andy. Maybe he met them at the bar and invited them over. He was drunk enough to do something weird like say he was Andy. Before we even left for the bar, he took a Roor bong hit so hard that he puked in the sink. I'm also pretty sure he puked up the last round of Yagerbombs at the bar as well. The guy then asks me if everything was legit and that he needed the money upfront. Big guy was under the impression Andy was alone. Oh ####, Drew's doing some kind of drug deal. No surprise, he was always buying and selling weed, shrooms, etc. So I invite them up to his room with the kind of confidence only alcohol could provide as I promise to get it all squared up right away.
I open the door to his bed room and ask them to wait in the hall. I see his unconscious pale fat nude body passed out in his bed. He has an unlit Parliament Light in his mouth and his body is propped up against a pillow and the headboard with his arms tucked behind his head like you might do on a hammock during a cool summer nap in the shade. I am still so stupid, I think he is buying weed. Why would he be buying weed from these dopes, we had an ounce of Trainwreck we bought the day before. Anyway, On his dresser I see a $20 bill and one of those cheap papers you can get for free at a news stand or bar. I look and sure enough it's open to some classifieds, presumably with the phone number of the girl in the hallway. Just as it dawns on me, the pair walk in the door and instantly jump back in shock. Partly because of him and because apparently there was a pile of vomit in front of the door that in the moment I hadn't even noticed. Now these two are pissed. We all have puke on our shoes. I hand them the $20, but it isn't enough they say. We start arguing and up come some of my other friends that had been in the basement, totally unaware of anything. We get a big round of "Who the #### are you?" from all parties. We give them another $20 and convince Bozo and her sidekick to take a hike. The next day, when we tell Drew what happened, he (who in no way could have remembered much of anything) denies that he ordered a hooker and insisted the last thing he did that night was order a pizza and there must have been a mistake with his order.
Of course he was full of ####, he ordered hookers all the time after that...but only once as "Andy."
Bob Sacamano
Footballguy
Baloney Sandwich
Footballguy
I used to live in the Bay Area at the same time as a long time FBG poster. At the time I was living in Nob Hill and paying for a garage to store my car. My buddy had his car break down and lived south of the city and needed transportation to get to work so I just loaned him my car. I rarely needed it on weekends so he pretty much had the car always. One weekend I needed it so he parked it outside my apartment and dropped off the keys. I head out about an hour later and jump in the car. I noticed the passenger seat was reclined all the way back which I thought was odd. I started the car up and started to drive, kept looking over at the seat and wondering why is all like that. Eventually I glanced down at the middle counsel and happen to see a what looked like a used rubber sitting on a wrapper. Well, come to find out my buddy was a regular on Capp Street in SF and had a particular girl he picked up. He seemed to like her and used to take her to Burger King for food after they did their business in my car. He said she was really nice and easy to talk to.
Ministry of Pain
Footballguy
Have you ever not liked the service and skipped out on the bill or taken back your "gift"?
Bob Sacamano
Footballguy
"Your hooker's here."
"Did they add the extra pepperoni and anchovies?"
"Did they add the extra pepperoni and anchovies?"
Ministry of Pain
Footballguy
Officer Pete Malloy
Footballguy
What is funny is that you're offended by it.Could you take you tremendously unfunny "I hate anything religious' shtick and shove it deep inside your ####. It is horrible.is it just a coincidence that this thread was killed and resurrected from the dead, much like Jesus, who himself layed down with known prostitute mary magdalene?
ClownCausedChaos2
Footballguy
Scoresman
Footballguy
yeah, honestly, I thought that post of mine was not some of my best work until jonmx replied.What is funny is that you're offended by it.Could you take you tremendously unfunny "I hate anything religious' shtick and shove it deep inside your ####. It is horrible.is it just a coincidence that this thread was killed and resurrected from the dead, much like Jesus, who himself layed down with known prostitute mary magdalene?
I was not offended by it....his idiotic obsession with hating religion should not be cluttering up an otherwise great threat.What is funny is that you're offended by it.Could you take you tremendously unfunny "I hate anything religious' shtick and shove it deep inside your ####. It is horrible.is it just a coincidence that this thread was killed and resurrected from the dead, much like Jesus, who himself layed down with known prostitute mary magdalene?
Scoresman
Footballguy
you're the one who replied to it practically a whole page after it was posted. It also is not a religion hatred post. I like Jesus more for having befriended a prostitute. If I like it, how is it hatred?I was not offended by it....his idiotic obsession with hating religion should not be cluttering up an otherwise great threat.What is funny is that you're offended by it.Could you take you tremendously unfunny "I hate anything religious' shtick and shove it deep inside your ####. It is horrible.is it just a coincidence that this thread was killed and resurrected from the dead, much like Jesus, who himself layed down with known prostitute mary magdalene?
General Malaise
Footballguy
Officer Pete Malloy
Footballguy
It's not idiotic. Now stop derailing this thread.I was not offended by it....his idiotic obsession with hating religion should not be cluttering up an otherwise great threat.What is funny is that you're offended by it.Could you take you tremendously unfunny "I hate anything religious' shtick and shove it deep inside your ####. It is horrible.is it just a coincidence that this thread was killed and resurrected from the dead, much like Jesus, who himself layed down with known prostitute mary magdalene?
Kenny Powers
Footballguy
timschochet
Footballguy
So how much is reasonable to pay for prostitution? Are there standard rates?
whoknew
Footballguy
[icon]
Insoxicated
timschochet
Footballguy
Are we negotiating?
Scoresman
Footballguy
General Malaise
Footballguy
I think that's like asking how much is reasonable to buy a car. It just depends on so many things. What is it that YOU want, what is available in your market, how much competition is out there and what kind of girl do you want. You can also find girls who will quote you a rate depending on how long you want to spend with her, anywhere from a gal willing to spend the whole weekend/night with you to a girl who will offer you a 15-30 minute "quickie".
But let's say you went to backpages, clicked on the 'escorts' section and started shopping for a good looking girl for one hour of time where you'd get to have regular sex with a condom, you're looking at $250-$300. Some girls expect a tip (just the tip). Some girls will charge more to come to your house. Some will have an in-call location.
Again, mileage will vary....
General Malaise
Footballguy
Or, you know....$2 in the back alley with a toothless woman. 
Dez89
Footballguy
For some reason, I want to say a day's wage is the "traditional" rate, but then I'm sure there are other factors that come into play.
ETA: As GM outlined above.
Last edited by a moderator:
General Malaise
Footballguy
Some of you know this story from GMTAN, but my former employer was the CEO of a nice, respectable 3 Billion Hedge Fund. He answered an add on backpages for an escort and got arrested by the police. He now runs a $90 Million hedge fund which is mostly his own personal money. 40 employees lost their jobs, family members were embarrassed and investors couldn't pull their money out fast enough. So, be careful out there!
Dez89
Footballguy
Bob Sacamano
Footballguy
Standard rate is:Or, you know....$2 in the back alley with a toothless woman.
$2/lb for the first 110 pounds
(.50) per pound for each pound thereafter
$1 surcharge/tooth
17seconds
root of all aliai
How traditional is that? Sounds like it's for a wench you might find whilst imbibing a right barleywine at the tavern.
Don't forget the cost of the bloodletting
TheIronSheik
SUPER ELITE UPPER TIER
Dez89
Footballguy
Right, that's what I was getting at. May be a bit different today or that "market value" may still be about right.
Ilov80s
Footballguy
I would imagine the going rate for a prostitute is like the going rate for clothes. Do you want it to be foreign and this season's fashion, you could be out a rack or 2. If you can settle for an old used pair and value functionality over fashion, it can be had for no more than a trip to Applebees.
Similar threads
