Having a Second Child? (1 Viewer)

[Dan Lambskin]

2 kids is fine

3 is a disaster

 

[fantasycurse42]

Wife has really been applying the pressure on this one lately... My son is 2.5 and I ask him "do you want a baby brother or sister?" and he emphatically says no... IDK if he fully understands what I'm getting at, but he also says "no baby!"

While I consider this in my thought process, I think in the long run he'll be happier being closer in age to a sibling - If we keep waiting, they'll be pretty far apart.

Another huge negative for me is housing... I've lived in my apartment for a decade, it is in a big 2 BR in what has become either the best or 2nd best neighborhood to have kids in NYC. Since I've been there for so long, my cost on my apartment is considerably less than it would be if I went out looking for an apartment on the open market now. For an extra 300-400 square feet, I take my below market rent and I'll be paying market which would equal roughly $3k-$4500 additional a month. If the baby was another boy, I could get them to share a room for another 4-5 years, but this is completely up to chance...

fwiw, our are 4 years apart (almost to the week) at 7 and 3. they've just started to interact more- after 3 years of big brother not wanting too much to do with little sister. so taht's a few years of harder work parenting. but again- I'm sure I said it ina previous post- having the second when big bro was 4 made it easier for him to grasp and communicate abuot and easier for us to handle since he was mostly self contained by that time. our friends who do two within a couple years... looks exhausting, and theolder sibling isn't developed enough to even express themselves (aside from tantrums) about the situation.

housing. bleh. we're in the same boat with a decent sized (by NYC standards) 2BR apartment that we've been in for 13 years that we know is far below market rate (immediate upstairs unit, same floor plan, but without a nice private patio in the back, goes for more than 50% more than what we pay). we could squeeze 3yo daughter into big brother's room, but for now we've carved a space out of our living space (loft-esque) for her. I hate it. I want her to have her own room... but as you very well know- there just aren't that many 3brs in NYC. Add in that for a neighborhood you'd want to live in with kids- hell- most neighborhoods... you're paying 6-7k min. or you move to shadier neighborhood or get the 1BR that's been chopped up into 3BR where you can barely squeeze a couch in, let alone a dining table or queen sized beds. If we have to move- we're ####ed.

Same boat... Moving creates a nightmare! One of the main reasons I want a boy is so they can share a room for at least the next 4-5 years. If we have a girl, I'm in an identical situation to the one you describe.

If we start trying now, they'll be a little over 3 years apart if we succeed quickly. 2-4 years in space is ideal IMO - Anything less is prob pure hell for the parents and anything more and they are further apart than I would like.

 

[Nick Vermeil]

Wife has really been applying the pressure on this one lately... My son is 2.5 and I ask him "do you want a baby brother or sister?" and he emphatically says no... IDK if he fully understands what I'm getting at, but he also says "no baby!"

While I consider this in my thought process, I think in the long run he'll be happier being closer in age to a sibling - If we keep waiting, they'll be pretty far apart.

Another huge negative for me is housing... I've lived in my apartment for a decade, it is in a big 2 BR in what has become either the best or 2nd best neighborhood to have kids in NYC. Since I've been there for so long, my cost on my apartment is considerably less than it would be if I went out looking for an apartment on the open market now. For an extra 300-400 square feet, I take my below market rent and I'll be paying market which would equal roughly $3k-$4500 additional a month. If the baby was another boy, I could get them to share a room for another 4-5 years, but this is completely up to chance...

fwiw, our are 4 years apart (almost to the week) at 7 and 3. they've just started to interact more- after 3 years of big brother not wanting too much to do with little sister. so taht's a few years of harder work parenting. but again- I'm sure I said it ina previous post- having the second when big bro was 4 made it easier for him to grasp and communicate abuot and easier for us to handle since he was mostly self contained by that time. our friends who do two within a couple years... looks exhausting, and theolder sibling isn't developed enough to even express themselves (aside from tantrums) about the situation.

housing. bleh. we're in the same boat with a decent sized (by NYC standards) 2BR apartment that we've been in for 13 years that we know is far below market rate (immediate upstairs unit, same floor plan, but without a nice private patio in the back, goes for more than 50% more than what we pay). we could squeeze 3yo daughter into big brother's room, but for now we've carved a space out of our living space (loft-esque) for her. I hate it. I want her to have her own room... but as you very well know- there just aren't that many 3brs in NYC. Add in that for a neighborhood you'd want to live in with kids- hell- most neighborhoods... you're paying 6-7k min. or you move to shadier neighborhood or get the 1BR that's been chopped up into 3BR where you can barely squeeze a couch in, let alone a dining table or queen sized beds. If we have to move- we're ####ed.

We have number 2 on the way in June and my son will be 3.5 when it arrives. He is very excited about it now but I'm sure he'll be miffed when the attention he gets is cut back. We found out about the baby while we were in the middle of renovating our 2 bedroom, 1 office house. So much for the office. We will try to put them in bunk beds for the early years but it's a New York bedroom so not very big. The office is really too small for a bedroom anyway. I blame my architect.

 

[El Floppo]

fwiw- the kids spaced closer together seems like an initial nightmare for the parents for the first couple of years- but then is easier as they can hang together. those kids also seem closer with eachother (more fighting too) than kids spaced farther apart. My brother and I are almost 6 years apart... he's a complete stranger to me.

 

[Otis]

3 years apart is ideal.

 

[xulf]

My two girls are 20 months apart (oldest is 3). Although, there were some really rough times, the fact that they play together now and show genuine love for each other was well worth it.

 

[El Floppo]

Wife has really been applying the pressure on this one lately... My son is 2.5 and I ask him "do you want a baby brother or sister?" and he emphatically says no... IDK if he fully understands what I'm getting at, but he also says "no baby!"

While I consider this in my thought process, I think in the long run he'll be happier being closer in age to a sibling - If we keep waiting, they'll be pretty far apart.

Another huge negative for me is housing... I've lived in my apartment for a decade, it is in a big 2 BR in what has become either the best or 2nd best neighborhood to have kids in NYC. Since I've been there for so long, my cost on my apartment is considerably less than it would be if I went out looking for an apartment on the open market now. For an extra 300-400 square feet, I take my below market rent and I'll be paying market which would equal roughly $3k-$4500 additional a month. If the baby was another boy, I could get them to share a room for another 4-5 years, but this is completely up to chance...

fwiw, our are 4 years apart (almost to the week) at 7 and 3. they've just started to interact more- after 3 years of big brother not wanting too much to do with little sister. so taht's a few years of harder work parenting. but again- I'm sure I said it ina previous post- having the second when big bro was 4 made it easier for him to grasp and communicate abuot and easier for us to handle since he was mostly self contained by that time. our friends who do two within a couple years... looks exhausting, and theolder sibling isn't developed enough to even express themselves (aside from tantrums) about the situation.

housing. bleh. we're in the same boat with a decent sized (by NYC standards) 2BR apartment that we've been in for 13 years that we know is far below market rate (immediate upstairs unit, same floor plan, but without a nice private patio in the back, goes for more than 50% more than what we pay). we could squeeze 3yo daughter into big brother's room, but for now we've carved a space out of our living space (loft-esque) for her. I hate it. I want her to have her own room... but as you very well know- there just aren't that many 3brs in NYC. Add in that for a neighborhood you'd want to live in with kids- hell- most neighborhoods... you're paying 6-7k min. or you move to shadier neighborhood or get the 1BR that's been chopped up into 3BR where you can barely squeeze a couch in, let alone a dining table or queen sized beds. If we have to move- we're ####ed.

We have number 2 on the way in June and my son will be 3.5 when it arrives. He is very excited about it now but I'm sure he'll be miffed when the attention he gets is cut back. We found out about the baby while we were in the middle of renovating our 2 bedroom, 1 office house. So much for the office. We will try to put them in bunk beds for the early years but it's a New York bedroom so not very big. The office is really too small for a bedroom anyway. I blame my architect.

should've gone with somebody more trustworthy.

how long has #2 been public knowledge? I may have already known about this- but congrats! 2nd kid is rough, but all kinds of awesome... I've felt straight along that it's been sooo much easier and enjoyable with the second- mostly due to knowing from experience that 99.99999% of the time the stupid things I'm about to do won't permanently maim or impair the kid.

 

[trogg78]

We use natural child spacing so it just happened when it happened.

We did too. After the 3rd child my wife figured out what was causing her to get pregnant and she promptly put an end to it.

That was 25 years ago

We have #6 due in September. I wish I could say this will be it, but I can't seem to get my wife to commit to being finished having kids.

 

[hagmania]

We use natural child spacing so it just happened when it happened.

We did too. After the 3rd child my wife figured out what was causing her to get pregnant and she promptly put an end to it.

That was 25 years ago

We have #6 due in September. I wish I could say this will be it, but I can't seem to get my wife to commit to being finished having kids.

Just have it done imo and say "whoops looks like they fell out" if she becomes suspicious.

 

[Godsbrother]

We use natural child spacing so it just happened when it happened.

We did too. After the 3rd child my wife figured out what was causing her to get pregnant and she promptly put an end to it.

That was 25 years ago

We have #6 due in September. I wish I could say this will be it, but I can't seem to get my wife to commit to being finished having kids.

6 kids? Wow. That is rare nowadays. I have 5 siblings but we were all born in the late 40's and 50s.

 

[Annyong]

3 years apart is ideal.

16 months apart for my brother and I. My 2 boys are also 16 months apart. Sure there is fighting, but that's what boys do.