How often do you hear people use the N word? (1 Viewer)

[IC FBGCav]

Why do you stay?

You mean besides a was is a middle of a poker tournament?  

They sat next to each other for hours and no big argument after the first "clearing of the air"  

I only seen drunk white guy one time before.  It was 100 dollar tournament, he rebuys 11 times in 1 hour and leaves.  He rebought and shove all in blind everytime.  

Me and my neighbor texted about it...after we are acquainted not friends.  

One thing a left out, when drunky said that's how I talk, my neighbor did say, but you have a good heart on the inside though right, sarcasticly.  I busted out laughing at the table.

 

[Joe Bryant]

You mean besides a was is a middle of a poker tournament?  

They sat next to each other for hours and no big argument after the first "clearing of the air"  

I only seen drunk white guy one time before.  It was 100 dollar tournament, he rebuys 11 times in 1 hour and leaves.  He rebought and shove all in blind everytime.  

Me and my neighbor texted about it...after we are acquainted not friends.  

One thing a left out, when drunky said that's how I talk, my neighbor did say, but you have a good heart on the inside though right, sarcasticly.  I busted out laughing at the table.

Thanks. Will you go back?

 

[avoiding injuries]

Been years since I’ve heard it derogatorily, but when I’m downtown, I hear it frequently in an endearing or jokingly fashion. 

 

[IC FBGCav]

Thanks. Will you go back?

I think the bigger problem is not what happened there but tonight.  All white guys and some throwing around the N word.  To me this is the situation where I might want to step up.

With my neighbor, he handled the situation and it was one guy and they had issues from before.  At least it was open and out there.

Would I go back? probably not, rake of tourny was too high.  

 

[Da Guru]

I can`t remember the last time I heard a white person say it in my presence...it has been many years.

Being in the auto business and dealing with suppliers from around the world is different though.

I have heard  Chinese-Japanese people who are in the auto business use it a number of times over the years..never to me but to each other at the auto show in Detroit. Also I have heard Arabs use it quite often, never heard a person from India use it and I deal with many.  

And of course the black guys who are police officers in my golf league use it almost every week to each other or themselves. At times that is a little awkward if you are sitting at the table with them.

 

[-OZ-]

It was common when I lived in PA 25 years ago and now in NC.  

Growing up near Detroit, we heard it often. I didn't know it was an insult or derogatory until maybe around 25 years old. I do remember being told by a good friend (who was black) that white people weren't allowed to use it but it was fine for blacks. 

Now, living in Alabama (the highly educated part of Alabama) I don't think I've ever heard it in person. 

 

[jwb]

I have a friend that I met a few years ago, and as our friendship grew to golf / trips to audio shows / etc, he (I guess) became more comfortable, and about a year or so ago, started letting his racist flag fly when we were alone. It's funny - the first 2-3 years of our friendship, I didn't know this about him. I started noticing it when the whole confederate flag / statue thing was the big news of the day - he was all-in on the statues should stay, the confederate flag is great, blankety blank to those n-words who don't like it, etc.

I immediately called him out on it. He tried to counter with "well, that's how I am", to which I replied "no you're not - you've never been like this before. I'm certain you're not like this at your job. I know you're not like this in public, or on Facebook... what you are is a coward, because you hide this side of you." 

Predictably, we've started growing apart a little, because I know he's uncomfortable around me now  (our wives have become friends too, and right now, their friendship eclipses ours). I want to try and help the guy, because otherwise, he's a decent friend/guy, and I feel this stuff can be unlearned and overcome.  I don't know where it's going (the four of us are going out to dinner Sat), but in the end, I won't be friends with people who talk like this.

 

[Chaka]

I heard it today many times at a poker game.  A doctor was even in the game.  I kept my head down and said nothing.  One person half heartly made a comment.

Keeping your head down is tacit agreement. You need to either call that #### out when you hear it or find a new poker game otherwise you're part of the problem.

 

[Chaka]

There is one guy I work with from time to time that ever since 2016ish he lets it fly regularly, all day.

What field do you work in? If you're not willing to call that #### out yourself, and I understand why people would not want to do that, are there no H.R. mechanisms in place to deal with it?

 

[Pipes]

Honestly, I hear it (or overhear it) most when African American folks are talking (often loudly) to each other. 

That doesn't mean I don't hear racist talk. It's just the use of that word has been phased out from what I experience. 

Same here.  I hear the GA version every couple of months and it's either a bunch of black dudes talking amongst themselves or some dumb high school kids (white) trying to sound gangsta.  I haven't heard the GER version used in years (thankfully).

 

[IC FBGCav]

Keeping your head down is tacit agreement. You need to either call that #### out when you hear it or find a new poker game otherwise you're part of the problem.

I think I needed to hear this.  Ty.

 

[Chaka]

Yep, cant change now.  But never means never.

Ever? In our entire life? In that case there is no need for a poll because everyone has heard it or used it.

 

[IC FBGCav]

Ever? In our entire life? In that case there is no need for a poll because everyone has heard it or used it.

The pole.

 

[Joe Bryant]

Would I go back? probably not, rake of tourny was too high.  




2

Thanks. I think that's your answer. 

If people stop going back because it becomes a known thing that's not cool instead of letting the rake be the reason, then things will change. 

I know nothing about your game or situation, but I'd be surprised if you said something and you didn't have at least some other people back you up saying they too felt it wasn't cool.

If you're that much in the minority on it, I'd find a new game. Regardless of how appealing the rake might be.

The tougher situation would be if you were in a work situation and your boss was doing this and you didn't feel HR would solve it. I fully understand it's easy for me to "take a stand" as I don't have a boss and I'm an old guy and don't have to worry about people liking me. My thought though is lots of people use that as an excuse. Doing the right thing is rarely the wrong thing.

 

[IC FBGCav]

Ever? In our entire life? In that case there is no need for a poll because everyone has heard it or used it.

Too many people voted, cant change the selections.

 

[Dedfin]

What field do you work in? If you're not willing to call that #### out yourself, and I understand why people would not want to do that, are there no H.R. mechanisms in place to deal with it?

Physics. He's very old and I'm new. Management knows and I think they just expect nature to run its course before the problem is directly addressed.

 

[Chaka]

I think I needed to hear this.  Ty.

NP. Was worried about coming off  as an #$$ when I said it.

It's a very tough situation for you and I completely understand not wanting to say anything. But not saying something AND still showing up only makes it worse in the long run.

 

[jwb]

Keeping your head down is tacit agreement. You need to either call that #### out when you hear it or find a new poker game otherwise you're part of the problem.

I think I needed to hear this.  Ty.

There's definitely a time and a place, and you have to pick your spots. 

I called my friend out on it. There was another time a few years ago at the gun range when I was shooting with a few other guys from the club. They were all in their 60's, hardcore republicans, and started with the "n-word in the white house" type talk. I said nothing, finished up, and simply made a mental note to not go back when I knew that group would be there. That's just not an ideal place for this argument. 

 

[matuski]

The wife of the couple we are closest to grew up in small town Texas, and this word was entirely too common from her for years.  Her husband and I have been able to all but eliminate it.

Smart, funny, and the most generous person I know.. with a sliver of racism pounded into her by her parents.  Weird.

 

[Chaka]

Too many people voted, cant change the selections.

Well, I voted on what I thought was implied by "never" as in "not in a very long time." as I am sure most did.

 

[Van Dyman]

I hadn't heard it for years until a few months ago when it came from my mother. This was in front of my kids so I had to call her out and, weirdly, my dad was defending it. Terrible family-on-family argument. I don't see my parents very often (probably 3 times a year), but she made a different racist comment (not that word) a few months later. At my house again. My 12-year old daughter spoke up before I did, saying that's not right. Went to visit the folks last weekend and she somehow managed to work in her disgust with BLM into conversation, in front of my kids again. As bad as the situation is, seeing the parents even less often seems like a weak solution that will not result with them thinking differently.

 

[jwb]

I hadn't heard it for years until a few months ago when it came from my mother. This was in front of my kids so I had to call her out and, weirdly, my dad was defending it. Terrible family-on-family argument. I don't see my parents very often (probably 3 times a year), but she made a different racist comment (not that word) a few months later. At my house again. My 12-year old daughter spoke up before I did, saying that's not right. Went to visit the folks last weekend and she somehow managed to work in her disgust with BLM into conversation, in front of my kids again. As bad as the situation is, seeing the parents even less often seems like a weak solution that will not result with them thinking differently.

How about turning this around: do your parents want to see their grandchildren? Is using these words / making these thoughts known to all more important than seeing their grandkids? Might be worth exploring? 

 

[Van Dyman]

How about turning this around: do your parents want to see their grandchildren? Is using these words / making these thoughts known to all more important than seeing their grandkids? Might be worth exploring? 

It has crossed my mind.

 

[Chaka]

Physics. He's very old and I'm new. Management knows and I think they just expect nature to run its course before the problem is directly addressed.

I think you need to say something. You can't have someone running around dropping N-bombs everyday. Don't expect to change the guy but he should muted.

 

[IC FBGCav]

Thanks. I think that's your answer. 

If people stop going back because it becomes a known thing that's not cool instead of letting the rake be the reason, then things will change. 

I know nothing about your game or situation, but I'd be surprised if you said something and you didn't have at least some other people back you up saying they too felt it wasn't cool.

If you're that much in the minority on it, I'd find a new game. Regardless of how appealing the rake might be.

The tougher situation would be if you were in a work situation and your boss was doing this and you didn't feel HR would solve it. I fully understand it's easy for me to "take a stand" as I don't have a boss and I'm an old guy and don't have to worry about people liking me. My thought though is lots of people use that as an excuse. Doing the right thing is rarely the wrong thing.

I think you might be putting together 2 different games I played in.

But to a business owner thing.  I saw racist things there too.  It was a small business.   I ended up 2nd in command but at this time I know I wasn't as close with the owner as I was when he died last year.

I laid off the company secretary in 2001.  We did a lot of tradeshow for clients and business went south there after 9/11.  In 2003 I hired a temp to be our secretary and she was doing a great job, she wasn't white.  She worked with all departments well and her contract ran out and didn't hire her full time.  We never ended up getting a secretary after that but I know the owner didn't want her as the face of his company.  He told me so.

 

[Buddy Ball 2K3]

I only hear it when I go on Xbox live and play FPS's with 12 year olds. 

 

[Major]

Also, are we talking the N word with a hard r or an a?  big difference 

 

[Dedfin]

Also, are we talking the N word with a hard r or an a?  big difference 

I've recently been told there isn't enough of a difference to matter. That the a version is still unacceptable.

 

[AAABatteries]

Never hear it in person.  The only time I hear that word nowadays is online videos, movies/TVs or music. 

 

[AAABatteries]

Correct. Although they all seem to know my mom if that counts. 

 

[AAABatteries]

Honestly, I hear it (or overhear it) most when African American folks are talking (often loudly) to each other. 

That doesn't mean I don't hear racist talk. It's just the use of that word has been phased out from what I experience. 

25 years ago when I was first out of HS I worked in a door shop that was about 50/50 black/white - it was an eye opening experience.  There was definitely some racial tension at times and the N-word was used a lot within the black employees towards each other.  That job more than anything motivated me to get my education.

 

[prosopis]

I never hear it in real life.

 

[AAABatteries]

This a large gap from "every 30 days" to "never".  

I see you've been talking to @ChiefD's wife.

 

[Major]

I've recently been told there isn't enough of a difference to matter. That the a version is still unacceptable.

You're missing the point buddy.  I'm not talking about what's acceptable, just what you hear.  I can't remember the last time I heard a hard r.  

 

[AAABatteries]

My guess is if you polled folks they would hear more derogatory things about Hispanics than African Americans.  And that's even before the last couple of years when immigration has been a more prominent topic.  And for me, I hear more derogatory things about Indian people than AA.  Not necessarily name calling though.

 

[bigmarc27]

My guess is if you polled folks they would hear more derogatory things about Hispanics than African Americans.  And that's even before the last couple of years when immigration has been a more prominent topic.  And for me, I hear more derogatory things about Indian people than AA.  Not necessarily name calling though.

Indians and if you get into the Norcross area, Asians. Of course a lot of that is mainly Asian on Asian racism - holy cow do they all hate each other. 

 

[Dedfin]

You're missing the point buddy.  I'm not talking about what's acceptable, just what you hear.  I can't remember the last time I heard a hard r.  

Why does it matter?

 

[AAABatteries]

Indians and if you get into the Norcross area, Asians. Of course a lot of that is mainly Asian on Asian racism - holy cow do they all hate each other. 

Yes, it is interesting to hear other cultures/nationalities and their stereotypes/prejudices.  It doesn't excuse anything but it does shed some light on how it's an unfortunate human flaw.

 

[Keith R]

Last time was about 15 years ago, from my wife's friend's mother's boyfriend.  He dropped it multiple times in our presence, seemingly going out of his way to work it into conversation, even after I was visibly miffed by it.

At the end of all that, he then wanted me to get him a job.  No way do I put my rep on the line for a stranger, much less one who talks like that. 

 

[Ketamine Dreams]

I live in the Midwest and don’t use the word, but used to have a neighbor who grew up in Georgia. He would drop the N word pretty often. He used it for lower socioeconomic blacks in a way similar to how Midwesterners use PWT (Poor white trash) for lower socioeconomic whites. (I just say this to further delineate his usage). 

 

[Da Guru]

I did hear a hard O awhile back.  Not sure it is the same.

We were in a sports bar watching a game and a group of hipsters all in their 20s were at the table next to us..one of their buddies walks in to join them and a guy at the table stands up and says in a loud enough voice for most of the tables around to hear..."wuz up Negro" and ran up and hugged the guy... they were both white as was the whole table.

 

[shader]

Northern people are more on the low, southern people are right in the open.  But it's funny when a brother comes to the poker game, you never hear it and most times they genuinely like the brother.  Messed up stuff.

I live in the south and I literally can't remember the last time I heard it in person.

 

[bigmarc27]

I live in the south and I literally can't remember the last time I heard it in person.

People that never go to the South think we all still live in big expansive plantations sipping lemonade on the porch to keep from getting the vapers every day. 

 

[Dezbelief]

Indians and if you get into the Norcross area, Asians. Of course a lot of that is mainly Asian on Asian racism - holy cow do they all hate each other. 

It's a huge insult to call someone the wrong nationality, as big as using the word this thread is discussing. 

 

[bigmarc27]

It's a huge insult to call someone the wrong nationality, as big as using the word this thread is discussing. 

I never implied it wasn’t.  I was saying Asians hating on other Asians. I can’t count how many times I’ve heard Chinese people call Japanese people ghosts and Japanese people making fun of the round faces of Chinese people. 

 

[Dezbelief]

I never implied it wasn’t.  I was saying Asians hating on other Asians. I can’t count how many times I’ve heard Chinese people call Japanese people ghosts and Japanese people making fun of the round faces of Chinese people. 

Just sharing and informing others who may not have been exposed to Asian racism. 

 

[stbugs]

I live in the south and I literally can't remember the last time I heard it in person.

I’ll be honest, I’m not a big believer in the OP. I’ve lived in the south for over 20 years, NC the last 13 and the only place I hear it is in rap songs and it’s hard not to hear that word in every song.

 

[Tom Servo]

You not social or just hang with good peeps or brothers?

I live in a county that's like 99.7% white surrounded by other counties with 90%+ white.

 

[tommyGunZ]

Keeping your head down is tacit agreement. You need to either call that #### out when you hear it or find a new poker game otherwise you're part of the problem.

This is the right answer, but when you live in smaller southern towns it's not that easy.  

 

[tommyGunZ]

Grew up in a small southwestern Virginia town.  Heard the N word daily.  Been in San Diego since 2002 - heard it once on the West Coast, and no coincidentally it was an old friend who was in town for a conference spewing that ignorance over beers.  When I go home for a few days, hear it daily still.