How To Get To Heaven When You Die (1 Viewer)

[Ditkaless Wonders]

Where is Hell again?

The location of hell is far less important than the need to avoid going there.

If you don't know where it is how do you know you are/aren't there?

Dammit. I've been in hell this whole time. Explains a lot.

I'm guessing you are in Marshall Minnesota.

 

[mrip541]

I'm guessing you are in Marshall Minnesota.

Close... to where my company routes our internet traffic. Getting fancy on me?

 

[Jayrod]

How much are indulgences going for?

Ac 8:18 And when Simon saw that through the laying on of the apostles' hands the Holy Spirit was given, he offered them money,19 saying, "Give me this power also, that anyone on whom I lay hands may receive the Holy Spirit."

20 But Peter said to him, "Your money perish with you, because you thought that the gift of God could be purchased with money!

21 "You have neither part nor portion in this matter, for your heart is not right in the sight of God.

22 "Repent therefore of this your wickedness, and pray God if perhaps the thought of your heart may be forgiven you.

23 "For I see that you are poisoned by bitterness and bound by iniquity."

Sounds like Peter was holding out firmly for a much better deal. Simon clearly needed to double whatever he was offering.24 Whereupon Simon brought out a second purse from underneath his robes and placed that too on the barrelhead.

25 Still Peter remained unimpressed.

26 Whereupon Simon produced from beneath his garment a substantial quantity of myrrh, placing that also on the barrelhead.

27 In response Peter agreed. After all, it was ####### myrrh, and not that cheap #### from Yemen, this stuff was straight Eritrean, the best.

Peter was stating that the man's heart was not right with God because he thought that the gift of God could be purchased with money. He called on the man to repent or turn away from his sin.

The intent of the passage was clear, it needed no further, clarifying, exposition from you. I took its meaning immediately, as I am sure all others did as well. Having taken that meaning I then thought I would explore what humor potential the matter provided. Perhaps I failed, or perhaps you are humor impaired. Frankly I have suspected that you may be humor impaired since the inception of this thread. Regardless, just view me as the lost sheep. Imagine the rejoicing when and if I return to the fold.

 

[Zow]

Where is Hell again?

The location of hell is far less important than the need to avoid going there.

If you don't know where it is how do you know you are/aren't there?

Dammit. I've been in hell this whole time. Explains a lot.

I'm guessing you are in Marshall Minnesota.

Would hell have Schwans ice cream? I doubt it.

 

[Zow]

I'm guessing you are in Marshall Minnesota.

Close... to where my company routes our internet traffic. Getting fancy on me?

I think he was merely making fun of Marshall, MN and jokingly comparing it to hell. I take umbrage with that since 1) Barstow, CA or Camden, NJ are the places I've been I'd most imagine hell to be like; and 2) Marshall, MN produced my infamous ex-gf that I pined over for at least a good few years and insist is at least an Offdee 9.

 

[Paddington]

Where is Hell again?

The location of hell is far less important than the need to avoid going there.

If you don't know where it is how do you know you are/aren't there?

Dammit. I've been in hell this whole time. Explains a lot.

I'm guessing you are in Marshall Minnesota.

Would hell have Schwans ice cream? I doubt it.

There is nothing good, lovely, beautiful, enjoyable, pleasurable, happy, positive in hell. It's all suffering, pain, misery, regret, hopelessness, anguish. Jesus came to suffer that we may place our faith in Him for salvation and not have to go there.

 

[Scoresman]

Where is Hell again?

The location of hell is far less important than the need to avoid going there.

If you don't know where it is how do you know you are/aren't there?

Dammit. I've been in hell this whole time. Explains a lot.

I'm guessing you are in Marshall Minnesota.

Would hell have Schwans ice cream? I doubt it.

There is nothing good, lovely, beautiful, enjoyable, pleasurable, happy, positive in hell. It's all suffering, pain, misery, regret, hopelessness, anguish. Jesus came to suffer that we may place our faith in Him for salvation and not have to go there.

Great god you've got yourself there.

 

[Galileo]

Where is Hell again?

The location of hell is far less important than the need to avoid going there.

If you don't know where it is how do you know you are/aren't there?

Dammit. I've been in hell this whole time. Explains a lot.

I'm guessing you are in Marshall Minnesota.

Would hell have Schwans ice cream? I doubt it.

There is nothing good, lovely, beautiful, enjoyable, pleasurable, happy, positive in hell. It's all suffering, pain, misery, regret, hopelessness, anguish. Jesus came to suffer that we may place our faith in Him for salvation and not have to go there.

So why would a loving, caring god create such a place?

 

[Dr Oadi]

Where is Hell again?

The location of hell is far less important than the need to avoid going there.

If you don't know where it is how do you know you are/aren't there?

Dammit. I've been in hell this whole time. Explains a lot.

I'm guessing you are in Marshall Minnesota.

Would hell have Schwans ice cream? I doubt it.

There is nothing good, lovely, beautiful, enjoyable, pleasurable, happy, positive in hell. It's all suffering, pain, misery, regret, hopelessness, anguish. Jesus came to suffer that we may place our faith in Him for salvation and not have to go there.

So why would a loving, caring god create such a place?

Ask lucifer.

 

[cstu]

Ask lucifer.

Hasn't replied to my PM.

 

[Dr Oadi]

Ask lucifer.

Hasn't replied to my PM.

It was prepared for the devil and his angels according to the Bible. But hey God hates me and you and well made hell for us.

Is it any wonder he didn't respond?

 

[Mister CIA]

How much are indulgences going for?

Ac 8:18 And when Simon saw that through the laying on of the apostles' hands the Holy Spirit was given, he offered them money,

19 saying, "Give me this power also, that anyone on whom I lay hands may receive the Holy Spirit."

20 But Peter said to him, "Your money perish with you, because you thought that the gift of God could be purchased with money!

21 "You have neither part nor portion in this matter, for your heart is not right in the sight of God.

22 "Repent therefore of this your wickedness, and pray God if perhaps the thought of your heart may be forgiven you.

23 "For I see that you are poisoned by bitterness and bound by iniquity."

May you live forever surrounded by people exactly like you.

 

[cstu]

Ask lucifer.

Hasn't replied to my PM.

It was prepared for the devil and his angels according to the Bible.But hey God hates me and you and well made hell for us.

Is it any wonder he didn't respond?

We've all had a tough times, but would a little courtesy kill him?

 

[matuski]

Where is Hell again?

The location of hell is far less important than the need to avoid going there.

If you don't know where it is how do you know you are/aren't there?

Dammit. I've been in hell this whole time. Explains a lot.

I'm guessing you are in Marshall Minnesota.

Would hell have Schwans ice cream? I doubt it.

There is nothing good, lovely, beautiful, enjoyable, pleasurable, happy, positive in hell. It's all suffering, pain, misery, regret, hopelessness, anguish. Jesus came to suffer that we may place our faith in Him for salvation and not have to go there.

Gods that send their own children to horrible deaths are my favorite. I imagine Satan can't top that one.

 

[matuski]

Where is Hell again?

The location of hell is far less important than the need to avoid going there.

If you don't know where it is how do you know you are/aren't there?

Dammit. I've been in hell this whole time. Explains a lot.

I'm guessing you are in Marshall Minnesota.

Would hell have Schwans ice cream? I doubt it.

There is nothing good, lovely, beautiful, enjoyable, pleasurable, happy, positive in hell. It's all suffering, pain, misery, regret, hopelessness, anguish. Jesus came to suffer that we may place our faith in Him for salvation and not have to go there.

So why would a loving, caring god create such a place?

Ask lucifer.

Let's say I wanted to ask Lucifer, where is he residing these days? I'll stop by next time I have a free day.

 

[Paddington]

http://www.icr.org/bible-eyewitnesses/

 

[badmojo1006]

http://www.icr.org/bible-eyewitnesses/

I didn't read the whole thread, but Paddington, do you think you are getting into Heaven?

Myself, I don't know

 

[Jayrok]

There is nothing good, lovely, beautiful, enjoyable, pleasurable, happy, positive in hell. It's all suffering, pain, misery, regret, hopelessness, anguish. Jesus came to suffer that we may place our faith in Him for salvation and not have to go there.

This doesn't make sense.

 

[Zow]

Knock knock.

Who's there?

God. Please let me in.

Why?

So I can save you.

Save me from what?

From what I'm going to do to you if you don't let me in.

 

[Galileo]

Knock knock.

Who's there?

God. Please let me in.

Why?

So I can save you.

Save me from what?

From what I'm going to do to you if you don't let me in.

https://forums.footballguys.com/forum/index.php?/topic/727328-how-to-get-to-heaven-when-you-die/?p=18045331

 

[Zow]

Yes that's what I was referencing but didn't take the time find the link.

 

[Paddington]

Knock knock.

Who's there?

God. Please let me in.

Why?

So I can save you.

Save me from what?

From what I'm going to do to you if you don't let me in.

You might find this humorous, but think about it. God is trying to save you from what He is obligated to do to you because of your sins. His righteousness requires Him to judge our sins, but the only way it can be justified is through Jesus Christ. Why not accept His free gift of salvation? What is so hard about that? If He's smart enough to create everything that exists from nothing, certainly He's smart enough to help you and save you. Just let Him in!

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

Knock knock.

Who's there?

God. Please let me in.

Why?

So I can save you.

Save me from what?

From what I'm going to do to you if you don't let me in.

You might find this humorous, but think about it. God is trying to save you from what He is obligated to do to you because of your sins. His righteousness requires Him to judge our sins, but the only way it can be justified is through Jesus Christ. Why not accept His free gift of salvation? What is so hard about that? If He's smart enough to create everything that exists from nothing, certainly He's smart enough to help you and save you. Just let Him in!

LMAO

 

[joffer]

Knock knock.

Who's there?

God. Please let me in.

Why?

So I can save you.

Save me from what?

From what I'm going to do to you if you don't let me in.

You might find this humorous, but think about it. God is trying to save you from what He is obligated to do to you because of your sins. His righteousness requires Him to judge our sins, but the only way it can be justified is through Jesus Christ. Why not accept His free gift of salvation? What is so hard about that? If He's smart enough to create everything that exists from nothing, certainly He's smart enough to help you and save you. Just let Him in!

kinda like a mafia boss

 

[Jayrok]

Knock knock.

Who's there?

God. Please let me in.

Why?

So I can save you.

Save me from what?

From what I'm going to do to you if you don't let me in.

You might find this humorous, but think about it. God is trying to save you from what He is obligated to do to you because of your sins. His righteousness requires Him to judge our sins, but the only way it can be justified is through Jesus Christ. Why not accept His free gift of salvation? What is so hard about that? If He's smart enough to create everything that exists from nothing, certainly He's smart enough to help you and save you. Just let Him in!

What he is obligated to do to you.. he is obligated ... that is a strange thought.

who is he obligated to?

 

[Scoresman]

Occam's razor.

What's the most likely scenario.

An invisible man in the sky has decreed that if you do not abide by his rules, you will go to this specially created place of pain and suffering (but by all other accounts, this guy is a swell dude).

or

A long long time ago, these stories of hell and suffering were written by men in power to scare and control the people they had power over.

 

[Ditka Butkus]

I heard if you want to get to heaven you've got to raise a little hell.

 

[JerseyToughGuys]

ooo, this looks like a fun thread.

 

[CowboysFromHell]

Knock knock.

Who's there?

God. Please let me in.

Why?

So I can save you.

Save me from what?

From what I'm going to do to you if you don't let me in.

You might find this humorous, but think about it. God is trying to save you from what He is obligated to do to you because of your sins. His righteousness requires Him to judge our sins, but the only way it can be justified is through Jesus Christ. Why not accept His free gift of salvation? What is so hard about that? If He's smart enough to create everything that exists from nothing, certainly He's smart enough to help you and save you. Just let Him in!

And yet, if the dice had landed just a bit differently, and you'd have been born in the Middle East, let's say, you'd be just as convinced you were right about all of this, but be preaching quite a different story. Your salvation would not involve Jesus Christ at all, but an entirely different set of rules to appease the god you were taught exists. Fascinating, ain't it?

 

[JerseyToughGuys]

which god are we talking about in here? That elephant looking one with the arms?

 

[CowboysFromHell]

which god are we talking about in here? That elephant looking one with the arms?

You pick!

 

[tonydead]

ooo, this looks like a fun thread.

I generally like debating religion, but, so far this thread had just been an exercise of stating the obvious.

 

[Paddington]

ooo, this looks like a fun thread.

I generally like debating religion, but, so far this thread had just been an exercise of stating the obvious.

Do you believe that the Bible is God's word? Do you believe that Jesus died on the cross and rose from the dead?

 

[Paddington]

Ok

 

[Ditkaless Wonders]

ooo, this looks like a fun thread.

I generally like debating religion, but, so far this thread had just been an exercise of stating the obvious.

Do you believe that the Bible is God's word? Do you believe that Jesus died on the cross and rose from the dead?

One out of three.

 

[Ditkaless Wonders]

which god are we talking about in here? That elephant looking one with the arms?

Apu: Please do not feed peanuts to my God Apu:

 

[hagmania]

Seven save us all.

 

[Jayrok]

ooo, this looks like a fun thread.

I generally like debating religion, but, so far this thread had just been an exercise of stating the obvious.

Do you believe that the Bible is God's word? Do you believe that Jesus died on the cross and rose from the dead?

Is it a requirement to believe these things in order to get to heaven?

 

[matuski]

ooo, this looks like a fun thread.

I generally like debating religion, but, so far this thread had just been an exercise of stating the obvious.

The obvious tends to be the obvious course when debating the imaginary.

 

[Paddington]

[SIZE=9pt]Christians Do go to heaven:[/SIZE]

[SIZE=9pt]Mr 16:19 ¶ So then after the Lord had spoken unto them, he was received up into heaven, and sat on the right hand of God.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=9pt] 2Co 5:8 We are confident, I say, and willing rather to be absent from the body, and to be present with the Lord.
(KJV)[/SIZE]

[SIZE=9pt]Php 1:21 ¶ For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.
22 But if I live in the flesh, this is the fruit of my labour: yet what I shall choose I wot not.
23 For I am in a strait betwixt two, having a desire to depart, and to be with Christ; which is far better:
24 Nevertheless to abide in the flesh is more needful for you.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=9pt]People in heaven:[/SIZE]

[SIZE=9pt] Re 19:1 ¶ And after these things I heard a great voice of much people in heaven, saying, Alleluia; Salvation, and glory, and honour, and power, unto the Lord our God:
(KJV)[/SIZE]

[SIZE=9pt]Jesus Christ is going to rule and reign on the earth. The believers will be with Him on the earth at that time. Right now believer's go to heaven to be with the Lord Jesus Christ because that is where He is. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=9pt]Jesus Christ is God:[/SIZE]

[SIZE=10pt]1Jo 5:7 For there are three that bear record in heaven, the Father, the Word, and the Holy Ghost: and these three are one.
(KJV)

Joh 14:8 Philip saith unto him, Lord, shew us the Father, and it sufficeth us.
9 Jesus saith unto him, Have I been so long time with you, and yet hast thou not known me, Philip? he that hath seen me hath seen the Father; and how sayest thou then, Shew us the Father?[/SIZE]

[SIZE=10pt]John declares Him to be God:[/SIZE]

[SIZE=10pt]Joh 1:1 ¶ In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.
Joh 1:14 And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us, (and we beheld his glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father,) full of grace and truth.
(KJV)[/SIZE]

[SIZE=10pt]Jesus declares Himself God by calling Himself I am time and time again:[/SIZE]

[SIZE=10pt]Joh 8:58 Jesus said unto them, Verily, verily, I say unto you, Before Abraham was, I am.
(KJV)

I am is God's name.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=10pt]This prophecy of Jesus's first comming shows that He is God. Who has been from everlasting except God?[/SIZE]

[SIZE=9pt] Mic 5:2 But thou, Bethlehem Ephratah, though thou be little among the thousands of Judah, yet out of thee shall he come forth unto me that is to be ruler in Israel; whose goings forth have been from of old, from everlasting. {everlasting: Heb. the days of eternity} [/SIZE]

[SIZE=9pt]Jesus Knows all things proving that He is God:[/SIZE]

[SIZE=9pt] Joh 16:30 Now are we sure that thou knowest all things, and needest not that any man should ask thee: by this we believe that thou camest forth from God.
Joh 21:17 He saith unto him the third time, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me? Peter was grieved because he said unto him the third time, Lovest thou me? And he said unto him, Lord, thou knowest all things; thou knowest that I love thee. Jesus saith unto him, Feed my sheep.
(KJV)[/SIZE]

 

[Zow]

God is bad at spelling.

 

[matuski]

Christians Do go to heaven:

How do you know?

Also, spelling.

 

[Todd Andrews]

2 Kings 23 He went up from there to Bethel, and while he was going up on the way, some small boys came out of the city and jeered at him, saying, “Go up, you baldhead! Go up, you baldhead!” 24 And he turned around, and when he saw them, he cursed them in the name of the Lord. And two she-bears came out of the woods and tore forty-two of the boys.

 

[Paddington]

Christians Do go to heaven:

How do you know?

Also, spelling.

What did I misspell?

 

[Paddington]

ooo, this looks like a fun thread.

I generally like debating religion, but, so far this thread had just been an exercise of stating the obvious.

Do you believe that the Bible is God's word? Do you believe that Jesus died on the cross and rose from the dead?

Is it a requirement to believe these things in order to get to heaven?

It is required that you believe in your heart that Jesus Christ died on the cross and rose from the dead because you are a sinner and in need of a Savior and that you accept what He did to pay for your sins, placing your faith in Him for salvation.

 

[joffer]

ooo, this looks like a fun thread.

I generally like debating religion, but, so far this thread had just been an exercise of stating the obvious.

Do you believe that the Bible is God's word? Do you believe that Jesus died on the cross and rose from the dead?

Is it a requirement to believe these things in order to get to heaven?

It is required that you believe in your heart that Jesus Christ died on the cross and rose from the dead because you are a sinner and in need of a Savior and that you accept what He did to pay for your sins, placing your faith in Him for salvation.

how odd

 

[jurb26]

http://youtu.be/6RT6rL2UroE

 

[mrip541]

The claim that some being exists that has the knowledge and power to create a universe with a heaven and hell and is simultaneously such a huge childish ahole that it makes all sorts of unreasonable and illogical demands on humans to not suffer for eternity is just so incredibly absurdly ridiculous it makes my brain want to implode.

 

[Jayrok]

ooo, this looks like a fun thread.

I generally like debating religion, but, so far this thread had just been an exercise of stating the obvious.

Do you believe that the Bible is God's word? Do you believe that Jesus died on the cross and rose from the dead?

Is it a requirement to believe these things in order to get to heaven?

It is required that you believe in your heart that Jesus Christ died on the cross and rose from the dead because you are a sinner and in need of a Savior and that you accept what He did to pay for your sins, placing your faith in Him for salvation.

Why do I have to choose? I didn't have a choice to be born into this world as a sinner, and yet now you call me a sinner in need of a savior. Ok, Jesus died for my sins. Is his actions not enough to save all? My choice had nothing to do with being born into sin, so why does my choice have anything to do with whether I'm saved or not?

I accept that someone paid the debt for my sins, and I am thankful, but why is it necessary that I believe that someone was born God and died one a cross and rose from the dead?

 

[Jayrod]

The claim that some being exists that has the knowledge and power to create a universe with a heaven and hell and is simultaneously such a huge childish ahole that it makes all sorts of unreasonable and illogical demands on humans to not suffer for eternity is just so incredibly absurdly ridiculous it makes my brain want to implode.

Good thing that's not the case, then.