How To Get To Heaven When You Die (1 Viewer)

[Mister CIA]

Paddington, I reckon he's a wreckin'.

 

[dozer]

I feel like a link to Nihilistic Arby's Twitter would be most appropriate here.

https://mobile.twitter.com/nihilist_arbys

Beautiful

Hey, you ####### dip####. Eat at Arbys.

 

[Patrick Bateman]

Dude is off the rails brainwashed. Lots of folks are.

 

[Ditkaless Wonders]

I appreciate Paddington's ongoing effort to save my everlasting soul. Or is he trying to buttress his own faith? Regardless, thanks for sharing exactly the information we have all heard before. I predict you will be even more impactful in saving souls than was John 3:16 RainbowHead man back in the 70's and 80's. That guy caught some good games while sharing the good news.

 

[matuski]

I am more interested in learning how to get to Heaven without dying. TIA.

Pretty sure we can get there if we just build a big enough tower. What could go wrong?

I found a map. Seems simple enough.

 

[joffer]

"Appearance of an ordinary man"

Astronomical!

 

[Paddington]

I appreciate Paddington's ongoing effort to save my everlasting soul. Or is he trying to buttress his own faith? Regardless, thanks for sharing exactly the information we have all heard before. I predict you will be even more impactful in saving souls than was John 3:16 RainbowHead man back in the 70's and 80's. That guy caught some good games while sharing the good news.

Why don't you believe it?

 

[Mister CIA]

I appreciate Paddington's ongoing effort to save my everlasting soul. Or is he trying to buttress his own faith? Regardless, thanks for sharing exactly the information we have all heard before. I predict you will be even more impactful in saving souls than was John 3:16 RainbowHead man back in the 70's and 80's. That guy caught some good games while sharing the good news.

Why don't you believe it?

Speaking for myself, I don't believe YOU.

 

[Todd Andrews]

Primitive

 

[Ditkaless Wonders]

I appreciate Paddington's ongoing effort to save my everlasting soul. Or is he trying to buttress his own faith? Regardless, thanks for sharing exactly the information we have all heard before. I predict you will be even more impactful in saving souls than was John 3:16 RainbowHead man back in the 70's and 80's. That guy caught some good games while sharing the good news.

Why don't you believe it?

I do not wish to insult you, or any other believers with my answer, and my answer would be insulting. You have done nothing to earn disrespectful or scornful treatment from me so I refrain from answering. Also, if you have taken any umbrage from any comment I have made in this thread I apologize. Go with God.

 

[Paddington]

Dude is off the rails brainwashed. Lots of folks are.

Basing my beliefs on the facts, logic and history isn't being brainwashed. Those who only know what the public schools and liberal media tell them are the ones who are brainwashed.

 

[Jayrok]

What is your normal username here? or are you really new and you just go to various message boards and paste the apologists' gospel?

I ask because it would be good to rule out the possibility you are just fishing for argument sake. If you are a regular here then surely you aren't embarrassed to share your faith, if it is genuine. If the former is true then nevermind. If the latter is true then testify and talk to us.

 

[Notorious T.R.E.]

I feel like a link to Nihilistic Arby's Twitter would be most appropriate here.

https://mobile.twitter.com/nihilist_arbys

Beautiful

Hey, you ####### dip####. Eat at Arbys.

What's it, Monday? Wednesday? Arbys been wasted for days. Don't judge Arbys. We're all gonna die, so #### it. Arbys: get annihilated with us

 

[Paddington]

What is your normal username here? or are you really new and you just go to various message boards and paste the apologists' gospel?

I ask because it would be good to rule out the possibility you are just fishing for argument sake. If you are a regular here then surely you aren't embarrassed to share your faith, if it is genuine. If the former is true then nevermind. If the latter is true then testify and talk to us.

What are my choices again?

 

[Mister CIA]

What is your normal username here? or are you really new and you just go to various message boards and paste the apologists' gospel?

I ask because it would be good to rule out the possibility you are just fishing for argument sake. If you are a regular here then surely you aren't embarrassed to share your faith, if it is genuine. If the former is true then nevermind. If the latter is true then testify and talk to us.

What are my choices again?

Your comprehension skills are immense. Guide us to heaven Rudolph.

 

[matuski]

Obviously schtick.. what kind of true Christian can't even tell me where heaven is?

 

[bentley]

@nihilist_arbys: You're alone. You're actively killing yourself with alcohol. Your breath smells of Arbys. Don Henley is on the radio. Arbys: Pray for death.

 

[Mister CIA]

@nihilist_arbys: You're alone. You're actively killing yourself with alcohol. Your breath smells of Arbys. Don Henley is on the radio. Arbys: Pray for death.

Just covered the webcam with tape.

 

[Paddington]

What is your normal username here? or are you really new and you just go to various message boards and paste the apologists' gospel?

I ask because it would be good to rule out the possibility you are just fishing for argument sake. If you are a regular here then surely you aren't embarrassed to share your faith, if it is genuine. If the former is true then nevermind. If the latter is true then testify and talk to us.

What are my choices again?

Your comprehension skills are immense. Guide us to heaven Rudolph.

Your choices are heaven or hell. Accept Jesus and go to heaven or reject Him and go to hell. Those are your choices.

 

[Paddington]

Obviously schtick.. what kind of true Christian can't even tell me where heaven is?

There are 3 known heavens. The atmosphere is the 1st, Outer Space is the 2nd and the 3rd Heaven is where God lives outside of this physical world. It's beyond the Universe. Think of the known Universe as a marble that exists within heaven, yet it's not part of heaven.

 

[BigSteelThrill]

[SIZE=medium]written by God[/SIZE]

Factual bullshit.

 

[Dr Oadi]

I am more interested in learning how to get to Heaven without dying. TIA.

Live like Elijah or Elisha did.

 

[Van Dyman]

Obviously schtick.. what kind of true Christian can't even tell me where heaven is?

There are 3 known heavens. The atmosphere is the 1st, Outer Space is the 2nd and the 3rd Heaven is where God lives outside of this physical world. It's beyond the Universe. Think of the known Universe as a marble that exists within heaven, yet it's not part of heaven.

Dude, keep this shtick rolling. ####### hillarious.

 

[joffer]

Obviously schtick.. what kind of true Christian can't even tell me where heaven is?

There are 3 known heavens. The atmosphere is the 1st, Outer Space is the 2nd and the 3rd Heaven is where God lives outside of this physical world. It's beyond the Universe. Think of the known Universe as a marble that exists within heaven, yet it's not part of heaven.

The bible refers to the "heavens" as both everything from the clouds north and outer space because it was speaking to an audience with virtually no scientific knowledge. You don't actually think that there are three separate heavens, do you?

Just go to Proxima Centauri and hang a left. You can't miss it.

 

[Ditkaless Wonders]

What is your normal username here? or are you really new and you just go to various message boards and paste the apologists' gospel?

I ask because it would be good to rule out the possibility you are just fishing for argument sake. If you are a regular here then surely you aren't embarrassed to share your faith, if it is genuine. If the former is true then nevermind. If the latter is true then testify and talk to us.

What are my choices again?

Your comprehension skills are immense. Guide us to heaven Rudolph.

Your choices are heaven or hell. Accept Jesus and go to heaven or reject Him and go to hell. Those are your choices.

So we have to play, and we must pick a side. No opting out and no neutrality.

 

[badmojo1006]

Anybody else picture this dude as Paddington Bear?

 

[matuski]

Where is Hell again?

 

[Dr Oadi]

Where is Hell again?

The location of hell is far less important than the need to avoid going there.

 

[Zow]

Where is Hell again?

Barstow, CA

 

[matuski]

Where is Hell again?

The location of hell is far less important than the need to avoid going there.

If you don't know where it is how do you know you are/aren't there?

 

[Paddington]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4bLlpiWh9-k

 

[Zow]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4bLlpiWh9-k

mmmm pliny the younger

 

[Paddington]

He's pretty old now.

 

[CBusAlex]

I for one would like to hear Mr. Paddington's thoughts on dragons.

 

[Paddington]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zvWdWbLcJvQ

 

[matuski]

blind links are a poor way to catch more fish. nobody is gonna bother with those.

 

[Bottomfeeder Sports]

How much are indulgences going for?

 

[joffer]

not sure why I bother, but http://youtu.be/fgpSrUWQplE

 

[Dr Oadi]

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/27/t-rex-soft-tissue-discovery_n_4349214.html?ir=Technology%EF%BB%BFSo the truth guys were actually right? No worries though the evolutionist used whats between their ears to make up excuses why pliable tissue can survive millions of years!

Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

 

[Paddington]

It doesn't really debunk the Creationist Claims, it merely attempts to explain it away. The paper also says that there were blood vessels, so whether or not they found blood cells or not, the blood vessels were there. Hello?

 

[Zow]

It doesn't really debunk the Creationist Claims, it merely attempts to explain it away. The paper also says that there were blood vessels, so whether or not they found blood cells or not, the blood vessels were there. Hello?

Hello exactly

 

[matuski]

It doesn't really debunk the Creationist Claims, it merely attempts to explain it away. The paper also says that there were blood vessels, so whether or not they found blood cells or not, the blood vessels were there. Hello?

You complete me.

 

[jwp]

Why won't God heal amputees?

 

[Paddington]

How much are indulgences going for?

Ac 8:18 And when Simon saw that through the laying on of the apostles' hands the Holy Spirit was given, he offered them money,

19 saying, "Give me this power also, that anyone on whom I lay hands may receive the Holy Spirit."

20 But Peter said to him, "Your money perish with you, because you thought that the gift of God could be purchased with money!

21 "You have neither part nor portion in this matter, for your heart is not right in the sight of God.

22 "Repent therefore of this your wickedness, and pray God if perhaps the thought of your heart may be forgiven you.

23 "For I see that you are poisoned by bitterness and bound by iniquity."

 

[Ditkaless Wonders]

How much are indulgences going for?

Ac 8:18 And when Simon saw that through the laying on of the apostles' hands the Holy Spirit was given, he offered them money,

19 saying, "Give me this power also, that anyone on whom I lay hands may receive the Holy Spirit."

20 But Peter said to him, "Your money perish with you, because you thought that the gift of God could be purchased with money!

21 "You have neither part nor portion in this matter, for your heart is not right in the sight of God.

22 "Repent therefore of this your wickedness, and pray God if perhaps the thought of your heart may be forgiven you.

23 "For I see that you are poisoned by bitterness and bound by iniquity."

Sounds like Peter was holding out firmly for a much better deal. Simon clearly needed to double whatever he was offering.

24 Whereupon Simon brought out a second purse from underneath his robes and placed that too on the barrelhead.

25 Still Peter remained unimpressed.

26 Whereupon Simon produced from beneath his garment a substantial quantity of myrrh, placing that also on the barrelhead.

27 In response Peter agreed. After all, it was ####### myrrh, and not that cheap #### from Yemen, this stuff was straight Eritrean, the best.

 

[Jayrok]

@barrelhead

oh, and you're going to hell DW.

 

[Ditkaless Wonders]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yE0nenGeW5A

Gonna be rough.

 

[Paddington]

How much are indulgences going for?

Ac 8:18 And when Simon saw that through the laying on of the apostles' hands the Holy Spirit was given, he offered them money,

19 saying, "Give me this power also, that anyone on whom I lay hands may receive the Holy Spirit."

20 But Peter said to him, "Your money perish with you, because you thought that the gift of God could be purchased with money!

21 "You have neither part nor portion in this matter, for your heart is not right in the sight of God.

22 "Repent therefore of this your wickedness, and pray God if perhaps the thought of your heart may be forgiven you.

23 "For I see that you are poisoned by bitterness and bound by iniquity."

Sounds like Peter was holding out firmly for a much better deal. Simon clearly needed to double whatever he was offering.

24 Whereupon Simon brought out a second purse from underneath his robes and placed that too on the barrelhead.

25 Still Peter remained unimpressed.

26 Whereupon Simon produced from beneath his garment a substantial quantity of myrrh, placing that also on the barrelhead.

27 In response Peter agreed. After all, it was ####### myrrh, and not that cheap #### from Yemen, this stuff was straight Eritrean, the best.

Peter was stating that the man's heart was not right with God because he thought that the gift of God could be purchased with money. He called on the man to repent or turn away from his sin.

 

[Ditkaless Wonders]

How much are indulgences going for?

Ac 8:18 And when Simon saw that through the laying on of the apostles' hands the Holy Spirit was given, he offered them money,19 saying, "Give me this power also, that anyone on whom I lay hands may receive the Holy Spirit."

20 But Peter said to him, "Your money perish with you, because you thought that the gift of God could be purchased with money!

21 "You have neither part nor portion in this matter, for your heart is not right in the sight of God.

22 "Repent therefore of this your wickedness, and pray God if perhaps the thought of your heart may be forgiven you.

23 "For I see that you are poisoned by bitterness and bound by iniquity."

Sounds like Peter was holding out firmly for a much better deal. Simon clearly needed to double whatever he was offering.24 Whereupon Simon brought out a second purse from underneath his robes and placed that too on the barrelhead.

25 Still Peter remained unimpressed.

26 Whereupon Simon produced from beneath his garment a substantial quantity of myrrh, placing that also on the barrelhead.

27 In response Peter agreed. After all, it was ####### myrrh, and not that cheap #### from Yemen, this stuff was straight Eritrean, the best.

Peter was stating that the man's heart was not right with God because he thought that the gift of God could be purchased with money. He called on the man to repent or turn away from his sin.

The intent of the passage was clear, it needed no further, clarifying, exposition from you. I took its meaning immediately, as I am sure all others did as well. Having taken that meaning I then thought I would explore what humor potential the matter provided. Perhaps I failed, or perhaps you are humor impaired. Frankly I have suspected that you may be humor impaired since the inception of this thread. Regardless, just view me as the lost sheep. Imagine the rejoicing when and if I return to the fold.

 

[mrip541]

Where is Hell again?

The location of hell is far less important than the need to avoid going there.

If you don't know where it is how do you know you are/aren't there?

Dammit. I've been in hell this whole time. Explains a lot.