"If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yo (2 Viewers)

[identikit]

Actually, I changed my mind. Leave a note, but not a handwritten apology. Leave a note on her diploma. Cross off her name and scrawl "#####" in blood.

This seriously crossed my mind when she first texted me.

How about a note that reads:

"Just remember who believed and encouraged you to get this license and diploma."

Not an apology. Just a reminder.

And what do you expect to get out of that?What will it achieve?

Make her hate me less?Then again like you guys said it shouldn't matter. Not like this is new news to me, just haven't brought it up before in this thread.

You're right there is no reason to leave a note. Just give my friend her #### and be done with her.

You think telling her that she owes her success to you is going to make her hate you less?

Exactly.Makes 16 look bitter, and still not over her as well.

 

[Kumerica]

I can't be sure, because this thread is full of unheeded advice, but at any point, did someone suggest that you should pull a Costanza and do the exact opposite of whatever your instinct is? 'Cause you should definitely do that.

 

[gianmarco]

Either I was terrible in bed (doubt it), she wanted a fling (maybe?), or was butt hurt that I didn't contact her for Valentines (likely). Oh well.

Couldn't be any more unlikely.

 

[cstu]

I didn't tell the GF then because she was/is crazy and a very jealous person.

Where was this in your dreamy original post?

 

[Dr. Awesome]

This thread just keeps getting more painful to read

It's so obvious that you want her back. If that's what you truly want, fine. Admit it. It's not the right decision but maybe she'll change. I doubt it but it sounds like you'd rather haver her in your life than out of your life.Just decide one way or the other. This wavering stuff isn't working.

 

[No. 16]

I can't be sure, because this thread is full of unheeded advice, but at any point, did someone suggest that you should pull a Costanza and do the exact opposite of whatever your instinct is? 'Cause you should definitely do that.

That's what the FFA is for. It was a thought in my head. If I really felt gung ho about it I would have done it. It's been 2 months since she broke up with me. Generally, I'm doing ok but just her contacting me again brought up the thought.One thing for sure is that I don't want to get back with her. Can never trust her again. I do miss her at times, but I don't think it's her that I really miss. Just the companionship and the idea of a GF, someone who is there for you no matter what (well until she meets a personal trainer). There are plenty of women out there that can fill that role. Nothing about her is truly unique in that sense.Just making the transition from having my mind set on a house, marriage, and kids soon vs. having to go out on the dating scene again is tough.I wish this could all roll off my back so easily like you guys make it seem, but having your life/dreams change so suddenly, without warning, and nothing you can do about it has been hard. Not sure anyone can really get over that completely in 2 months.

 

[Keerock]

I wish this could all roll off my back so easily like you guys make it seem, but having your life/dreams change so suddenly, without warning, and nothing you can do about it has been hard. Not sure anyone can really get over that completely in 2 months.

Not one person said it was going to be easy. We're just helping you to NOT do things that will only make it harder more difficult.

 

[Dr. Awesome]

I can't be sure, because this thread is full of unheeded advice, but at any point, did someone suggest that you should pull a Costanza and do the exact opposite of whatever your instinct is? 'Cause you should definitely do that.

That's what the FFA is for. It was a thought in my head. If I really felt gung ho about it I would have done it.

It's been 2 months since she broke up with me. Generally, I'm doing ok but just her contacting me again brought up the thought.

One thing for sure is that I don't want to get back with her. Can never trust her again. I do miss her at times, but I don't think it's her that I really miss. Just the companionship and the idea of a GF, someone who is there for you no matter what (well until she meets a personal trainer). There are plenty of women out there that can fill that role. Nothing about her is truly unique in that sense.

Just making the transition from having my mind set on a house, marriage, and kids soon vs. having to go out on the dating scene again is tough.

I wish this could all roll off my back so easily like you guys make it seem, but having your life/dreams change so suddenly, without warning, and nothing you can do about it has been hard. Not sure anyone can really get over that completely in 2 months.

And finally you admit you're not totally over her. Congrats. That's one step closer to actually being over her. Denial, depression...what step are we on now? None of us believed you when you kept saying you were over her. That wasn't the problem. It was you were actively trying to keep her in your life on some level that caused the ffa to go crazy. You were in some serious denial and sabotaging your statements of being over her. I won't be surprised if you're still stinging a bit 6 months from the breakup. I still hurt on some level more than a year after I broke up with my ex. But you can't let it stop you - date, date, and date some more. Force yourself to get out there. And don't just date - do activities. Meetup.com, hang with friends, take walks, go to Spain...stay busy. You'll be so busy living your life you'll be over her faster than you realize and you'll have lots of great memories of all the fun you had.

 

[DA RAIDERS]

Dude.

It's NORMAL to be tore up for quite a while. Stop being a bitxh about it. You should have just answered her text/call and set up a way for her to get her ####. Be a man, take the high road.

And stop worrying what her or anyone in her life thinks of you!!! They are her friends/family, they don't give 2 shiits about you.

And NEVER! EVER! EVER! forget that she banged some dude OVER AND OVER and then came home to you.

 

[chidoy]

I can't be sure, because this thread is full of unheeded advice, but at any point, did someone suggest that you should pull a Costanza and do the exact opposite of whatever your instinct is? 'Cause you should definitely do that.

That's what the FFA is for. It was a thought in my head. If I really felt gung ho about it I would have done it.

It's been 2 months since she broke up with me. Generally, I'm doing ok but just her contacting me again brought up the thought.

One thing for sure is that I don't want to get back with her. Can never trust her again. I do miss her at times, but I don't think it's her that I really miss. Just the companionship and the idea of a GF, someone who is there for you no matter what (well until she meets a personal trainer). There are plenty of women out there that can fill that role. Nothing about her is truly unique in that sense.

Just making the transition from having my mind set on a house, marriage, and kids soon vs. having to go out on the dating scene again is tough.

I wish this could all roll off my back so easily like you guys make it seem, but having your life/dreams change so suddenly, without warning, and nothing you can do about it has been hard. Not sure anyone can really get over that completely in 2 months.

That wasn't the problem. It was you were actively trying to keep her in your life on some level that caused the ffa to go crazy. You were in some serious denial and sabotaging your statements of being over her.

I won't be surprised if you're still stinging a bit 6 months from the breakup. I still hurt on some level more than a year after I broke up with my ex. But you can't let it stop you - date, date, and date some more. Force yourself to get out there. And don't just date - do activities. Meetup.com, hang with friends, take walks, go to Spain...stay busy. You'll be so busy living your life you'll be over her faster than you realize and you'll have lots of great memories of all the fun you had.

As hard as it may be.... you HAVE to get over her. Don't keep looking for excuses to keep her in your life like Dr. Awesome stated.

DON"T try to thank her parents.... DON"T write her a note reminding her of anything..... Lay off the booze for a bit....

I know its the FFA but for goodness sakes..... LISTEN TO US!!!!!

 

[Zow]

It's so obvious that you want her back. If that's what you truly want, fine. Admit it. It's not the right decision but maybe she'll change. I doubt it but it sounds like you'd rather haver her in your life than out of your life.

Just decide one way or the other. This wavering stuff isn't working.

Not wavering, I could never trust her again. I know that for a fact. I owe it to myself to see what else is out there.

I guess it just irks me that she thinks everything is "even" now. Then again if she thinks that, nothing will change her mind.

Are you a little girl, why do you give a crap. You really need to move on!

She is going to find a way to consider things "even" anyway regardless of how great/faithful you were.

 

[Controller]

I can't be sure, because this thread is full of unheeded advice, but at any point, did someone suggest that you should pull a Costanza and do the exact opposite of whatever your instinct is? 'Cause you should definitely do that.

That's what the FFA is for. It was a thought in my head. If I really felt gung ho about it I would have done it. It's been 2 months since she broke up with me. Generally, I'm doing ok but just her contacting me again brought up the thought.One thing for sure is that I don't want to get back with her. Can never trust her again. I do miss her at times, but I don't think it's her that I really miss. Just the companionship and the idea of a GF, someone who is there for you no matter what (well until she meets a personal trainer). There are plenty of women out there that can fill that role. Nothing about her is truly unique in that sense.Just making the transition from having my mind set on a house, marriage, and kids soon vs. having to go out on the dating scene again is tough.I wish this could all roll off my back so easily like you guys make it seem, but having your life/dreams change so suddenly, without warning, and nothing you can do about it has been hard. Not sure anyone can really get over that completely in 2 months.

Now you're starting to get it, No. 16. As an old married FBG it is interesting to re-live this #### vicariously through you. The proper perspective you should be taking, IMHO, is that you were lucky on two MAJOR counts:1) This whole mess with your ex would have been infinitely more difficult if two already had kids, married or not. Thank your lucky stars that you discovered her character flaws now and not later. In the process, you should have learned a lot more about yourself & what you really want in the future.2) Your DUI was a blessing in disguise. Again, be extremely thankful that you got this wake-up call without causing injury or damage to anyone else. Imagine the guilt you would be feeling for the rest of your life if you had maimed or killed someone while driving DUI. As many have said, this doesn't mean stop drinking, it certainly does mean don't drink & drive ever again.Nobody here thinks this is easy, but all in all consider yourself lucky & better equipped to handle whatever comes next in your life.

 

[Maude]

I can't be sure, because this thread is full of unheeded advice, but at any point, did someone suggest that you should pull a Costanza and do the exact opposite of whatever your instinct is? 'Cause you should definitely do that.

That's what the FFA is for. It was a thought in my head. If I really felt gung ho about it I would have done it. It's been 2 months since she broke up with me. Generally, I'm doing ok but just her contacting me again brought up the thought.One thing for sure is that I don't want to get back with her. Can never trust her again. I do miss her at times, but I don't think it's her that I really miss. Just the companionship and the idea of a GF, someone who is there for you no matter what (well until she meets a personal trainer). There are plenty of women out there that can fill that role. Nothing about her is truly unique in that sense.Just making the transition from having my mind set on a house, marriage, and kids soon vs. having to go out on the dating scene again is tough.I wish this could all roll off my back so easily like you guys make it seem, but having your life/dreams change so suddenly, without warning, and nothing you can do about it has been hard. Not sure anyone can really get over that completely in 2 months.

I am beginning to think that you are so delusional that this chick had every right to dump your dumass. You seem to rationalize all of your faults, and you just cannot comprehend what a colossal doosh you are.

 

[No. 16]

I can't be sure, because this thread is full of unheeded advice, but at any point, did someone suggest that you should pull a Costanza and do the exact opposite of whatever your instinct is? 'Cause you should definitely do that.

That's what the FFA is for. It was a thought in my head. If I really felt gung ho about it I would have done it. It's been 2 months since she broke up with me. Generally, I'm doing ok but just her contacting me again brought up the thought.One thing for sure is that I don't want to get back with her. Can never trust her again. I do miss her at times, but I don't think it's her that I really miss. Just the companionship and the idea of a GF, someone who is there for you no matter what (well until she meets a personal trainer). There are plenty of women out there that can fill that role. Nothing about her is truly unique in that sense.Just making the transition from having my mind set on a house, marriage, and kids soon vs. having to go out on the dating scene again is tough.I wish this could all roll off my back so easily like you guys make it seem, but having your life/dreams change so suddenly, without warning, and nothing you can do about it has been hard. Not sure anyone can really get over that completely in 2 months.

I am beginning to think that you are so delusional that this chick had every right to dump your dumass. You seem to rationalize all of your faults, and you just cannot comprehend what a colossal doosh you are.

I'll take the bait.What faults am I rationalizing for? How am I a doosh? TIA.

 

[Maude]

It's so obvious that you want her back. If that's what you truly want, fine. Admit it. It's not the right decision but maybe she'll change. I doubt it but it sounds like you'd rather haver her in your life than out of your life.

Just decide one way or the other. This wavering stuff isn't working.

Not wavering, I could never trust her again. I know that for a fact. I owe it to myself to see what else is out there.

I guess it just irks me that she thinks everything is "even" now. Then again if she thinks that, nothing will change her mind.

Are you a little girl, why do you give a crap. You really need to move on!

She is going to find a way to consider things "even" anyway regardless of how great/faithful you were.

But here's the thing... he wasn't completely faithful.

 

[Sudoku_in_the_Bathtub]

I'm gonna give them to my BF on Saturday when we hang out

Didn't expect this.

 

[No. 16]

I'm gonna give them to my BF on Saturday when we hang out

Didn't expect this.

BF = best friendNext time I'll use GB.

 

[Maude]

I am beginning to think that you are so delusional that this chick had every right to dump your dumass. You seem to rationalize all of your faults, and you just cannot comprehend what a colossal doosh you are.

I'll take the bait.What faults am I rationalizing for? How am I a doosh? TIA.

You are going to have to post a pic of yourself for me to truly prove my point. But let's see, you took her for granted, you are taking credit for her success, you have been less than truthful (but let's be fair, she came on to you so I guess you didn't really do anything wrong), and you sound like an arrogant #####.As great as you say this girl is, it sounds as though she can get some dude that is way better than you are.

 

[Dragons]

I think some of you really need to cut No.16 some slack. Yes, he hasn't taken any of the advice offered in this thread, but some of you are really being jackholes. It's his life, not yours. When you've posted a thread detailing how wonderful of a human being you are, always able to make the right decision when life turns you upside down, then you can prove you're better than him. Until then, stop being such pricks.

 

[chidoy]

I think some of you really need to cut No.16 some slack. Yes, he hasn't taken any of the advice offered in this thread

THAT's the reason for some of the snide remarks IMO.... It's like beating a dead horse. Hence the constant There IS ACTUALLY some good advice being dished out.....

 

[jomar]

How am I a doosh? TIA.

I have a feeling if we saw you on the dance floor, we'd think you were a doosh. Sorry.

 

[peaces]

You should put this all in comic book form.

 

[No. 16]

I am beginning to think that you are so delusional that this chick had every right to dump your dumass. You seem to rationalize all of your faults, and you just cannot comprehend what a colossal doosh you are.

I'll take the bait.What faults am I rationalizing for? How am I a doosh? TIA.

You are going to have to post a pic of yourself for me to truly prove my point. But let's see, you took her for granted, you are taking credit for her success, you have been less than truthful (but let's be fair, she came on to you so I guess you didn't really do anything wrong), and you sound like an arrogant #####.As great as you say this girl is, it sounds as though she can get some dude that is way better than you are.

Ok.I didn't take her for granted. Could I have been a better boyfriend? Probably (same goes with her, but I accepted who she was) but she never SAID ANYTHING TO CLUE ME IN, instead she found some other guy. In hindsight, the only inklings of dissatisfaction in the last year about being unhappy is her complaining about me not going "hiking with her or walking the dog with her." I mean we talked about our future...saving money for our own place and getting married. We wouldn't we discussing those things if I was grossly ignoring her. Maybe she was subconsciously unhappy for awhile and only realized when she met the guy, but I was completely unaware until the whole thing unraveled. I am partly to blame, but she shares blame as well for not verbalizing any discontent and for not giving us a chance to work out. Regarding taking credit for her success. It's not so much about taking credit. It's more about what we went through together all these years. In addition to normal family drama and what not. I guided her back to nursing which she gave up on, we both supported each other through nursing school, the difficulty in finding a job after graduation (we both even stayed at my parent's house rent free for a year until we found a job), and the fact that my mom helped her find a job. My family and I did ALL OF THOSE THINGS OUT OF LOVE FOR HER... and she just tossed it aside like it meant nothing once she met some other dude. Excuse me if it sounds like I'm taking credit for her success, but it's more like I feel like there was no gratitude at all for what my family and I did. You would think that type of love and support would be enough to fend off a personal trainer she met in Vegas. Guess not.About being less than truthful. I'll take blame for that. No bones about it. I was young and afraid to lose my GF. However, since that night 5+ years ago I had never done anything even close to that. In fact, I lost contact with all my female friends, barely went out with my guy friends without her (if I did it would result in her blowing up my phone until I got home), and pretty much spent all my time with her. In addition to all that nursing related stuff. We were each other's lives and I was fine with that. Hell, I was already ready to commit my whole life to her. She WAS LOVED for 5+ years and I would have loved her until she allowed me to. Maybe all this would have never happened if I told her the truth back then, but it did and not much I can do now about it. I'm sure she can do better than me, but I'm damn sure I can do better for myself as well. Honestly, I never felt I out kicked my coverage with her. I thought we were pretty complimentary/equal, but again that's a thing of the past. So feel what you want to feel, but you couldn't be further from the truth.

 

[sbonomo]

When No. 16 finally posts a pic of the ex we will finally know that he is over her. Until then I am just going to assume somewhere deep inside he is trying to find a way to get her back. This has become painful.

 

[cstu]

Just ignore this guy, 16, no need to justify yourself. Every guy who has been in a relationship for 5+ years takes their GF/wife for granted at least a little. Most guys have also ####ed up the way you did, if not worse.

 

[cstu]

I think some of you really need to cut No.16 some slack. Yes, he hasn't taken any of the advice offered in this thread

THAT's the reason for some of the snide remarks IMO.... It's like beating a dead horse. Hence the constant There IS ACTUALLY some good advice being dished out.....

You new here? Go back and read Woz's old threads - 16 ain't got nuthin' on him.

 

[johnnycakes]

So now we've come full circle with the holier-than-thous. First they condemn people going through divorce, particulary, when children are involved, for being selfish, not knowing themselves or their spouse well enough before getting married, or whatever. Then nysportsfan gets slapped around for breaking off an engagement after a long-term affair. Now 16 is a doosh because he broke up with his girlfriend.

goes to show, you can't please everyone in the ffa all the time.

 

[No. 16]

So now we've come full circle with the holier-than-thous. First they condemn people going through divorce, particulary, when children are involved, for being selfish, not knowing themselves or their spouse well enough before getting married, or whatever. Then nysportsfan gets slapped around for breaking off an engagement after a long-term affair. Now 16 is a doosh because he broke up with his girlfriend. goes to show, you can't please everyone in the ffa all the time.

She broke up with me.

 

[johnnycakes]

So now we've come full circle with the holier-than-thous. First they condemn people going through divorce, particulary, when children are involved, for being selfish, not knowing themselves or their spouse well enough before getting married, or whatever. Then nysportsfan gets slapped around for breaking off an engagement after a long-term affair. Now 16 is a doosh because he broke up with his girlfriend. goes to show, you can't please everyone in the ffa all the time.

She broke up with me.

Because you were a doosh?

 

[No. 16]

I can't be sure, because this thread is full of unheeded advice, but at any point, did someone suggest that you should pull a Costanza and do the exact opposite of whatever your instinct is? 'Cause you should definitely do that.

That's what the FFA is for. It was a thought in my head. If I really felt gung ho about it I would have done it. It's been 2 months since she broke up with me. Generally, I'm doing ok but just her contacting me again brought up the thought.One thing for sure is that I don't want to get back with her. Can never trust her again. I do miss her at times, but I don't think it's her that I really miss. Just the companionship and the idea of a GF, someone who is there for you no matter what (well until she meets a personal trainer). There are plenty of women out there that can fill that role. Nothing about her is truly unique in that sense.Just making the transition from having my mind set on a house, marriage, and kids soon vs. having to go out on the dating scene again is tough.I wish this could all roll off my back so easily like you guys make it seem, but having your life/dreams change so suddenly, without warning, and nothing you can do about it has been hard. Not sure anyone can really get over that completely in 2 months.

Now you're starting to get it, No. 16. As an old married FBG it is interesting to re-live this #### vicariously through you. The proper perspective you should be taking, IMHO, is that you were lucky on two MAJOR counts:1) This whole mess with your ex would have been infinitely more difficult if two already had kids, married or not. Thank your lucky stars that you discovered her character flaws now and not later. In the process, you should have learned a lot more about yourself & what you really want in the future.2) Your DUI was a blessing in disguise. Again, be extremely thankful that you got this wake-up call without causing injury or damage to anyone else. Imagine the guilt you would be feeling for the rest of your life if you had maimed or killed someone while driving DUI. As many have said, this doesn't mean stop drinking, it certainly does mean don't drink & drive ever again.Nobody here thinks this is easy, but all in all consider yourself lucky & better equipped to handle whatever comes next in your life.

Didn't want this post to be ignored. These are exactly the 2 viewpoints I need at this time.

 

[jamny]

So now we've come full circle with the holier-than-thous. First they condemn people going through divorce, particulary, when children are involved, for being selfish, not knowing themselves or their spouse well enough before getting married, or whatever. Then nysportsfan gets slapped around for breaking off an engagement after a long-term affair. Now 16 is a doosh because he broke up with his girlfriend. goes to show, you can't please everyone in the ffa all the time.

She broke up with me.

No she didn't. She cheated on you.Big difference. Don't forget it.

 

[No. 16]

So now we've come full circle with the holier-than-thous. First they condemn people going through divorce, particulary, when children are involved, for being selfish, not knowing themselves or their spouse well enough before getting married, or whatever. Then nysportsfan gets slapped around for breaking off an engagement after a long-term affair. Now 16 is a doosh because he broke up with his girlfriend. goes to show, you can't please everyone in the ffa all the time.

She broke up with me.

Because you were a doosh?

Probably not dooshy enough. I was more "beta" than "alpha" and I became boring to her.

 

[No. 16]

So now we've come full circle with the holier-than-thous. First they condemn people going through divorce, particulary, when children are involved, for being selfish, not knowing themselves or their spouse well enough before getting married, or whatever. Then nysportsfan gets slapped around for breaking off an engagement after a long-term affair. Now 16 is a doosh because he broke up with his girlfriend. goes to show, you can't please everyone in the ffa all the time.

She broke up with me.

No she didn't. She cheated on you.Big difference. Don't forget it.

 

[jamny]

I think some of you really need to cut No.16 some slack. Yes, he hasn't taken any of the advice offered in this thread, but some of you are really being jackholes. It's his life, not yours. When you've posted a thread detailing how wonderful of a human being you are, always able to make the right decision when life turns you upside down, then you can prove you're better than him. Until then, stop being such pricks.

 

[Wrigley]

Am I the only one who thinks 16 shouldn't give two ####s about how she now feels?

 

[Wrigley]

So now we've come full circle with the holier-than-thous. First they condemn people going through divorce, particulary, when children are involved, for being selfish, not knowing themselves or their spouse well enough before getting married, or whatever. Then nysportsfan gets slapped around for breaking off an engagement after a long-term affair. Now 16 is a doosh because he broke up with his girlfriend. goes to show, you can't please everyone in the ffa all the time.

She broke up with me.

Because you were a doosh?

Probably not dooshy enough. I was more "beta" than "alpha" and I became boring to her.

This is total BS. This is nothing more than an excuse to make herself feel better for ####### you over.You were fine for 7 years.She's a ##### for doing this to you.....don't forget that.

 

[jamny]

Am I the only one who thinks 16 shouldn't give two ####s about how she now feels?

I think everyone feels that way.

 

[Wrigley]

Am I the only one who thinks 16 shouldn't give two ####s about how she now feels?

I think everyone feels that way.

Not everybody

 

[Bob Sacamano]

Am I the only one who thinks 16 shouldn't give two ####s about how she now feels?

I think everyone feels that way.

Not everybody

Everybody with a functioning penis and a relationship of any length in their past.

 

[Bob Sacamano]

Despite the way that's worded, the functioning penis wasn't supposed to be in the past.

 

[Bob Sacamano]

Huh

 

[sbonomo]

Am I the only one who thinks 16 shouldn't give two ####s about how she now feels?

 

[Bob Sacamano]

######

 

[gianmarco]

Am I the only one who thinks 16 shouldn't give two ####s about how she now feels?

I think everyone feels that way.

Not everybody

Everybody with a functioning penis of any length and a relationship in their past.

There, I fixed it for you so there isn't confusion about the "past".

 

[Bob Sacamano]

So we're evolving here, but only when it comes to the scientific term for male genitalia.

Sometimes this place is more confusing than an african elephant in the middle of a Klan rally.

 

[LongDuckDong]

There's only one thing you keep saying that makes me a little nervous for you, 16.

You've made a few comments today about how good you were to her, or how you supported her degree, or how she stayed at your parent's house or found a job or whatever. It still seems like in your head you've got some sort of expectation of prid pro quo. Life doesn't really work that way. I say that as a victim of the same thinking in the past. She might be a great person, she might be a terrible one, she's probably in the middle. You're viewing yourself as a bit of a martyr right now (I gave up everything for her only a few posts up). Everything is very black and white right now. And in the mourning process there is nothing wrong with that, whatsoever.

But until you get enough space from the situation, you have no capacity to judge yourself in it. She may really be the one, and no one on this message board knows that.

But basically, until the approach you would take is the same advice that you'd give a buddy in the same situation, stay the hell away from her, don't write her, don't anything. Just accept anything you would do towards the situation would be somewhere between wrong and insane and that a time will come when it isn't.

 

[Maude]

Ok.

I didn't take her for granted. Could I have been a better boyfriend? Probably (same goes with her, but I accepted who she was) but she never SAID ANYTHING TO CLUE ME IN, instead she found some other guy. In hindsight, the only inklings of dissatisfaction in the last year about being unhappy is her complaining about me not going "hiking with her or walking the dog with her." I mean we talked about our future...saving money for our own place and getting married. We wouldn't we discussing those things if I was grossly ignoring her. Maybe she was subconsciously unhappy for awhile and only realized when she met the guy, but I was completely unaware until the whole thing unraveled. I am partly to blame, but she shares blame as well for not verbalizing any discontent and for not giving us a chance to work out.

Regarding taking credit for her success. It's not so much about taking credit. It's more about what we went through together all these years. In addition to normal family drama and what not. I guided her back to nursing which she gave up on, we both supported each other through nursing school, the difficulty in finding a job after graduation (we both even stayed at my parent's house rent free for a year until we found a job), and the fact that my mom helped her find a job. My family and I did ALL OF THOSE THINGS OUT OF LOVE FOR HER... and she just tossed it aside like it meant nothing once she met some other dude. Excuse me if it sounds like I'm taking credit for her success, but it's more like I feel like there was no gratitude at all for what my family and I did. You would think that type of love and support would be enough to fend off a personal trainer she met in Vegas. Guess not.

About being less than truthful. I'll take blame for that. No bones about it. I was young and afraid to lose my GF. However, since that night 5+ years ago I had never done anything even close to that. In fact, I lost contact with all my female friends, barely went out with my guy friends without her (if I did it would result in her blowing up my phone until I got home), and pretty much spent all my time with her. In addition to all that nursing related stuff. We were each other's lives and I was fine with that. Hell, I was already ready to commit my whole life to her. She WAS LOVED for 5+ years and I would have loved her until she allowed me to. Maybe all this would have never happened if I told her the truth back then, but it did and not much I can do now about it.

I'm sure she can do better than me, but I'm damn sure I can do better for myself as well. Honestly, I never felt I out kicked my coverage with her. I thought we were pretty complimentary/equal, but again that's a thing of the past.

So feel what you want to feel, but you couldn't be further from the truth.

she never SAID ANYTHING TO CLUE ME IN,

She probably said lots of things. You were probably not listening.

I was completely unaware

Ya think?Face it dude. You got complacent, and she called your bluff. Now you're left hanging with your #### in your hand, and she's getting cream-filled like a twinkie.

 

[boots11234]

Am I the only one who thinks 16 shouldn't give two ####s about how she now feels?

No

 

[cstu]

She probably said lots of things. You were probably not listening.

Who listens to women?

 

[cstu]

There's only one thing you keep saying that makes me a little nervous for you, 16.You've made a few comments today about how good you were to her, or how you supported her degree, or how she stayed at your parent's house or found a job or whatever. It still seems like in your head you've got some sort of expectation of prid pro quo. Life doesn't really work that way. I say that as a victim of the same thinking in the past. She might be a great person, she might be a terrible one, she's probably in the middle. You're viewing yourself as a bit of a martyr right now (I gave up everything for her only a few posts up). Everything is very black and white right now. And in the mourning process there is nothing wrong with that, whatsoever.But until you get enough space from the situation, you have no capacity to judge yourself in it. She may really be the one, and no one on this message board knows that.But basically, until the approach you would take is the same advice that you'd give a buddy in the same situation, stay the hell away from her, don't write her, don't anything. Just accept anything you would do towards the situation would be somewhere between wrong and insane and that a time will come when it isn't.

16 has been under the belief that if you love someone enough and you think you a good for them they will love you back. I was in a similar situation with my HS GF who I believed was lucky to be with me (still do) but I learned you can't make someone love you. The signs were there but I chose to ignore them. Hopefully 16 learns from this.