What's new
Fantasy Football - Footballguys Forums

This is a sample guest message. Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!

Landlord of 20 years raising rent 50%, gave us 2 months notice. (1 Viewer)

Tough situation and sorry to hear about it. Good luck.

Any thoughts about putting the kids in the same room for a little and rent out the "3rd BR". Granted this option really sucks as well, but maybe you know someone looking for an affordable living situation as well and can pull together for a minute while you figure things out.
 
Florida is fine if you like car washes and storage facilities on every block and infinite billboards featuring either strippers or car accident lawyers.

I mean it was 75 today all day and cloudless so that part rules but there’s a lot to dislike here too. It’s a great place to be outside, surrounded by either your neighbors from up north or the strangest guy you’ve ever seen in your life whose skin resembles fried chicken. He’s holding a Miller lite bottle and mumbling something you can’t hear. Chances are he’s on the run for crimes.

For me it's the heat and mosquitos. Lived there a long time but can't do it anymore. Heck my business is in Florida and I don't even live there.
I look at it like May through September sucks, and I just try to be inside or go swimming. The other 7 months are usually pretty great, and I don’t have to deal with snow and winter. But to each their own.
I live in Michigan. I look at it like January through April sucks, and I just try to be inside or go driving. The other 8 months are usually pretty great, and I don't have to deal with sweltering heat, humidity, bugs, and hurricanes. But to each their own.
I have spent a lot of time in Michigan. That “sucks” part extends out to October imo. There’s no sun for 7 months there. You all look like Casper.


I do love visiting there though.
October is one of THE BEST months in Michigan! I'll concede parts of November and December, but April can be beautiful as well. Sun is shining bright in my face right now. 8" of snow on the ground though :wink:

FWIW... I love to visit Florida.
My cousin sent me pics from yesterday up there. Holy Moses that was a lot of snow. Looked beautiful though.
 
That's a pretty douchey move for them.
I feel terrible for El Floppo, but if this a privately owned place, it wasn't exactly "fair" to the landlord to be losing 50% (of the market value) all this time. Not every landlord is loaded or wealthy. They need to live as well.
Hitting anyone with such a huge increase on such a short notice is not right. Of course the Landlord deserves to get whatever the market will bear. But there are ways to do this without such an unpleasant, sudden surprise.

@El Floppo if I were you I’d ask to meet the landlord and beg for 6 months and or an incremental rent raise over time. Explain your exact situation and put yourself at their mercy. Worst thing they will do is say no, which puts you in no worse a situation than you are now. And if you’re lucky they might just give you a break.
Zoom call to France scheduled already, gb.

The wife is insistent were not going anywhere until our son graduates HS in 2025.

I'm hoping to stay at current rent until the end of this summer and hope we find something else. As it is, they're asking us to leave before the end of the school year, which would be awful.

Would be great if the wife pulled in what's needed to cover the bump. She's insanely talented and should make more than me in her field (which pays more than mine). But she's been out of the work force for essential 15 years (consulting not withstanding) and not sure she'll even get offered anything, let alone at any kind of useful level. But we need to explore it more deeply.

Honestly, it sounds like a situation where she shouldn't be picky. If she makes $15/hr at some low level retail job, that's definitely gotta be her focus right now. Being out of the workforce for 15 years has probably been great, but it's time to buckle down.
Judging by conversation #1 she doesn’t want to get a job. She‘d rather sell everything not bolted down and ask the parents for money. It does sound like a second income would cause issues with financial aid etc. Feel bad for the guy, 90% of the stress of this situation is going to remain on his shoulders.
Is the increased rent not part of the financial aid equation?

Yes, this is a very important question.

Couple things keeping us tied here...
What about the Path Train? Jersey City/Hoboken? If the 5 boroughs, i would say Astoria.

I lived in Jersey City for three years and commuted to Manhattan. The PATH train was super convenient for getting to at least 33rd. My commute to the Village was very fast. Sure this was a long time ago, but I have to think the rents are still far more favorable than lower Manhattan. (By way of example, I see a 3 bedroom apartment on Realtor.com that is one block from the Grove Street PATH station for $2500/mo).
 
Last edited:
Not sure how it makes it harder to find something?
He may be referring to having a poor reference if/when you do look for another place. However this is more to buy time and/or to convince the owners of going to a slower increase rate over a longer time period.
 

Could the 15 year old find a classmate's family that could take him as a boarding student? You'd need 3 years tops, right? Might be worth asking around, you might find a kind soul who has room and would give you a deal.


I have property in Brooklyn. I could possibly take on the older kid for 12 months, rent free. There's already a family living there that I'm letting stay there because they have young kids. Floppo would have to be willing to separate his family though. Also the kid would have to see if he could mesh with a family of strangers with young kids. And he'd have to figure out the other two years on his own. I can't help out an entire family of four though. Also with no practical end date in mind. The older kid, clearly he needs three years, so there's an end date, and teenage boys don't need much and can adapt.

I used to be a landlord, and I got out of rental property a long time ago. I don't know this specific situation honestly, but it's not an easy job or side job by any measure. But I understand the dynamic though. To take less in rent but have a situation you don't need to deal with very much. The pandemic also hit a lot of smaller level landlords very very very hard. Also a lot of people with rental property had their other business interests tank. Lots of people essentially ended up being financially massacred out there. Back when I registered on these forums in 2006, there were simply more people posting and more working class people participating. Sometimes I genuinely don't think many of you ( not all but far too many), the consistent regular posters left, understand the basic working class American. I'm talking about the people whom are paycheck and a half away from being homeless.

My place in Beacon Hill right now is empty, but that's Boston. My first inclination is to offer 6 months, to let Floppo find his footing in a new city, but part of the dynamic here is I'm not sure his wife will leave. So I'm taking the perspective of a business person, an employer and also someone who used to be a landlord. I'm past the point in my life where I want to be landlord, so I don't charge rent to people if I help them out. Six months isn't going to break me, I'm not living there right now. I'm not inclined to see an 11 year old be homeless. Or potentially homeless. But if the wife isn't working ( for whatever reason) and there's a resistance against "scut work", I don't think she'd want to leave after six months are over. Even if I changed that and offered massively reduced rent ( another logistical headache to be honest) , I don't see someone taking that tone is also going to be someone who will budge.

So that's another hurdle here that's going to be unspoken but an open reality. Anyone who might rent to Floppo is going to want to know the financial situation. The wife doesn't work and doesn't have a stable career. If something happens to Floppo, do they have to kick out a mother and her young kid too? Also while I'm not an architect, I'm an employer and I've had to deal with architects in my life and deal with people who left that industry. The schooling is very tough, very competitive and the average one doesn't get paid very much at all. A lot of them get laid off and fired all the time and many struggle to find regular work, part of the consideration is that the companies are also trying to stay afloat too. It's just a very tough industry. So that's a consideration that other people are going to look at quietly in their heads. If I give Floppo six months, just so he can find work and build up enough savings to set up a new deposit, first and last months rent, etc, etc, what if he can't find work? Or work that will actually support a family of four on his own in Boston? Then some of the lawyers here will start rabbling up about looking for some loophole to squeeze out more time by making things difficult for me. I'm a lawyer and, predictably, I know what nearly all lawyers do. How they think. How they hunt. How they scheme. No good deed goes unpunished in front of a lawyer.

People are not inclined naturally to throw kids out on the street. So one of the first things I do with people is assess their potential threat to sue. For anything. When potential landlords meet Floppo and his wife, they are going to mentally doing a checklist to see gauge, from first impression, on how much maintenance will these people be and what is their likelihood to sue or drag lawyers into any dispute. Now many of the remaining regular posters here are lawyers, so it's not within their framework, most of them, to see legal wrangling as a big deal. But the majority of landlords out there are NOT lawyers. There are solid decent landlords out there who will turn away anyone seen as too much risk/effort. If I see a potential family, and the wife doesn't work, and let's say she has a lot of expensive stuff, and just sensing the tone and measure of the entire dynamic, I might pull back. So would many other people.

I'm not here to insult Floppo's wife. ( Other people here are clearly doing that and they are doing it for sport, no wonder so many good posters left the forums in all the years I was gone ) But I am saying many people are putting themselves in Floppo's shoes and NOT in the shoes of others out there who might be able to help his family out a little. His wife not working, for whatever reason, is a personal matter internal to his family. But it stops being a personal matter to a potential landlord. Then it becomes a risk assessment. So the wife getting work immediately, will not only bring in income, but it will make the potential options for finding a new place far easier.

I could possibly offer the older kid, the 15 year old, 12 months rent free, a single room, in Brooklyn. I would consider a gesture of that magnitude to be pretty generous in my book. It's hard to say because part of that would be meeting the entire Floppo family and the kid and them everyone meeting the existing people staying there already, etc, etc. I'm naturally inclined to help kids. Part of that is no one lifted a single finger for me as a kid. I've been there and I wish that upon no one's kids. I carried that burden all my life, the legacy of how I grew up. There's a part of me that wants better for kids today, even kids not my own. I'm not inclined however to help someone maintain their lifestyle. That's just straight talk.

This is a pretty tough situation. A lot of complexity. What I will say is this, no matter what happens moving forward, I would suggest Floppo not talk about it much. In front of his family, just say everything is fine and work the problem. The last thing that is going to do any good is Floppo showing any kind of stress, fear, doubt or any indication that he doesn't have an answer. That's not fair, but it's how it works. If Floppo starts going on about this at his work now, or with people he's known locally, etc, etc, that's only going to hurt him in the end. Saying stuff here in the forums is as little different. But this is effectively personal dirty laundry, i.e. family stuff. Better to keep it in house and to isolate out the expected fear/doubt from his wife and kids. If someone says that's not fair, well it's not fair. That's the price of being the head of a household.
 
I just want to make the point that if the rent increase is 50%, then the alleged "current market value" of the property is currently 2/3 instead of half.

Math nerd has entered the chat
My apologies, I forget real-world examples are best sometimes. Should I use a pizza to illustrate?
As somebody who likes to correct people's errant use of the term "pedophile," I highly approve and appreciate your correction.
 
I just want to make the point that if the rent increase is 50%, then the alleged "current market value" of the property is currently 2/3 instead of half.

Math nerd has entered the chat
My apologies, I forget real-world examples are best sometimes. Should I use a pizza to illustrate?
As somebody who likes to correct people's errant use of the term "pedophile," I highly approve and appreciate your correction.
This is the most time I've had to post during working hours in a hot minute. You better believe I'm going to commiserate with a good guy like El Floppo while simultaneously harvesting reacts.
 
he’s still going to owe that extra money when judgement is passed
It would be difficult to collect "back rent owed" in an eviction proceeding where the main goal is getting the tenant to leave. The money owned is more the impetus of the eviction. But if he wanted to stay, he'd be out that money either way. This was more to buy time and possible leverage he'd have in negotiations with the landlord.
 
Some good comments above about some of the difficulties they'll face getting and keeping new tenants
You could even hint how difficult it will be to evict you (and that you don't plan on leaving during the school year or at all) - how backed up New York courts are and the fees and costs associated with that.

After the two (three, really) months pass, you could buy more time by just paying your "normal" rent. They could still move to evict based on the missing 50% increase monies - but once the suit was started all you would owe to cure your default would be that 50% increase money.

This doesn't solve the problem - but buys you more time. Not sure how comfortable you'd be fighting a little "dirty" - but it's an option.
Along these lines, the fact they don't live here would make this an even bigger headache for them, I would imagine. If it comes to that....
 
Not to sidetrack, but when there is a huge long-time disparity in income there is potential long-term alimony liability in many states. Generally, more income is better, even if it reduces financial aid for schooling.
 
I was kind of typing up some suggestions, but really, I think Floppo knows he has options, he's not priced out of NYC.

More like, this sucks, he's been living there for 20 years, which in NYC terms is 70 years.
 
Wife's plan is to sell everything
I'm sure you know this, but this is not every realistic solution - unless you have a vast amount of jewels sitting in a storage closet. How much "stuff" of value do you have? I'm guessing at best, you can pay off two months of the 50% increase with the sale of your not needed possessions.
 
Flop, I truly think you're underselling yourself on the above. If you are a 20 year experienced architect you are marketable. I understand you moved into a new niche recently and it appears like it's not working out. You are not trapped there. You alluded to your salary above - again, I truly think you are limiting yourself in your mind. Again, my architect neighbor and I chat - he tells me that he is looking to add an architect with 3-5 years experience and he mentions he is having a hard time hiring them at the $120K mark, that the good candidates are seeking more than that. He's being patient and continuing to look for the right combo of person/price but it signals to me that you are underpaid.

Overall your family needs an income boost, whether it's from you taking a new position, your wife entering the workplace, or some combination thereof. Inflation has cranked up COL in the last 3-5 years and it's key that employees do what is needed to keep pace. Your posts come off that you don't believe in your skills but I challenge you to raise your internal standards. You are worth more than they are paying and there is work out there. You are not restricted to niche work. Even if it meant you have to come up to speed a little as a senior design architect you come across as the person who can learn quickly and give it 120% to get there. I wonder if you worked your professional network if you couldn't find a stone to turn over with a new opportunity.

Put another way - I think you are mentally imposing limitations on yourself/your career that may not truly exist.
I tend to be overly self deprecating... A fault of mine. But a look at my resume and work shows my quality... Top schools, top firms and fantastic work. I am upper tier of people that work in this specific sector (super high end residential interior architecture coordinating with interior design) as employees.

I have worked at a lot of firms. I have been headhunted up the wazzoo. I have friends in the biz at an HR level. Based on all of that, I am sadly too aware of the ceiling here. 3 years exp getting 120k is nothing I've seen or heard of before...no hyperbole. Partners can make decent money, or go bankrupt. I've seen both. Tbh, the most successful architects I know in residential are already wealthy outside of their work.

Check a site called archinect. They have an ongoing anonymous salary poll.... NY average salary posted there for my experience (across multiple sectors) is 112k. Higher numbers for principals (200k+) and corporate offices sway that up. I make more than that and more than anybody I'm seeing in my sector.

:Shrug:

But I agree with your overall sentiment... And need to figure out how to maximize my earning reality for my last 20 years of work.
Do you have experience with Building Information Modeling? A friend of mine in the construction industry says there is a big time demand and a fair number of the positions are remote.
I don't. It's only just starting to make inroads in my sector and is clearly the immediate future (I've been saying this at my current spot from day 1). I'm dying to use it myself, but can't justify the learning curve given the pace and curve needed for other things at this spot.
That's a pretty douchey move for them.
I feel terrible for El Floppo, but if this a privately owned place, it wasn't exactly "fair" to the landlord to be losing 50% (of the market value) all this time. Not every landlord is loaded or wealthy. They need to live as well.
Hitting anyone with such a huge increase on such a short notice is not right. Of course the Landlord deserves to get whatever the market will bear. But there are ways to do this without such an unpleasant, sudden surprise.

@El Floppo if I were you I’d ask to meet the landlord and beg for 6 months and or an incremental rent raise over time. Explain your exact situation and put yourself at their mercy. Worst thing they will do is say no, which puts you in no worse a situation than you are now. And if you’re lucky they might just give you a break.
Zoom call to France scheduled already, gb.

The wife is insistent were not going anywhere until our son graduates HS in 2025.

I'm hoping to stay at current rent until the end of this summer and hope we find something else. As it is, they're asking us to leave before the end of the school year, which would be awful.

Would be great if the wife pulled in what's needed to cover the bump. She's insanely talented and should make more than me in her field (which pays more than mine). But she's been out of the work force for essential 15 years (consulting not withstanding) and not sure she'll even get offered anything, let alone at any kind of useful level. But we need to explore it more deeply.

Honestly, it sounds like a situation where she shouldn't be picky. If she makes $15/hr at some low level retail job, that's definitely gotta be her focus right now. Being out of the workforce for 15 years has probably been great, but it's time to buckle down.
Judging by conversation #1 she doesn’t want to get a job. She‘d rather sell everything not bolted down and ask the parents for money. It does sound like a second income would cause issues with financial aid etc. Feel bad for the guy, 90% of the stress of this situation is going to remain on his shoulders.
Is the increased rent not part of the financial aid equation?
Great question... Will confer with the wife later- she handles all of this.

And again... I agree about needing her income potential, but our kids wouldn't be who they are or where they are without her non stop work on it. Not a tiger mom... Just does a lot of leg work finding, sourcing, and making things happen given our finances. My kids are kicking butt because of that work.
 
Flop, I truly think you're underselling yourself on the above. If you are a 20 year experienced architect you are marketable. I understand you moved into a new niche recently and it appears like it's not working out. You are not trapped there. You alluded to your salary above - again, I truly think you are limiting yourself in your mind. Again, my architect neighbor and I chat - he tells me that he is looking to add an architect with 3-5 years experience and he mentions he is having a hard time hiring them at the $120K mark, that the good candidates are seeking more than that. He's being patient and continuing to look for the right combo of person/price but it signals to me that you are underpaid.

Overall your family needs an income boost, whether it's from you taking a new position, your wife entering the workplace, or some combination thereof. Inflation has cranked up COL in the last 3-5 years and it's key that employees do what is needed to keep pace. Your posts come off that you don't believe in your skills but I challenge you to raise your internal standards. You are worth more than they are paying and there is work out there. You are not restricted to niche work. Even if it meant you have to come up to speed a little as a senior design architect you come across as the person who can learn quickly and give it 120% to get there. I wonder if you worked your professional network if you couldn't find a stone to turn over with a new opportunity.

Put another way - I think you are mentally imposing limitations on yourself/your career that may not truly exist.
I tend to be overly self deprecating... A fault of mine. But a look at my resume and work shows my quality... Top schools, top firms and fantastic work. I am upper tier of people that work in this specific sector (super high end residential interior architecture coordinating with interior design) as employees.

I have worked at a lot of firms. I have been headhunted up the wazzoo. I have friends in the biz at an HR level. Based on all of that, I am sadly too aware of the ceiling here. 3 years exp getting 120k is nothing I've seen or heard of before...no hyperbole. Partners can make decent money, or go bankrupt. I've seen both. Tbh, the most successful architects I know in residential are already wealthy outside of their work.

Check a site called archinect. They have an ongoing anonymous salary poll.... NY average salary posted there for my experience (across multiple sectors) is 112k. Higher numbers for principals (200k+) and corporate offices sway that up. I make more than that and more than anybody I'm seeing in my sector.

:Shrug:

But I agree with your overall sentiment... And need to figure out how to maximize my earning reality for my last 20 years of work.
Do you have experience with Building Information Modeling? A friend of mine in the construction industry says there is a big time demand and a fair number of the positions are remote.
I don't. It's only just starting to make inroads in my sector and is clearly the immediate future (I've been saying this at my current spot from day 1). I'm dying to use it myself, but can't justify the learning curve given the pace and curve needed for other things at this spot.
That's a pretty douchey move for them.
I feel terrible for El Floppo, but if this a privately owned place, it wasn't exactly "fair" to the landlord to be losing 50% (of the market value) all this time. Not every landlord is loaded or wealthy. They need to live as well.
Hitting anyone with such a huge increase on such a short notice is not right. Of course the Landlord deserves to get whatever the market will bear. But there are ways to do this without such an unpleasant, sudden surprise.

@El Floppo if I were you I’d ask to meet the landlord and beg for 6 months and or an incremental rent raise over time. Explain your exact situation and put yourself at their mercy. Worst thing they will do is say no, which puts you in no worse a situation than you are now. And if you’re lucky they might just give you a break.
Zoom call to France scheduled already, gb.

The wife is insistent were not going anywhere until our son graduates HS in 2025.

I'm hoping to stay at current rent until the end of this summer and hope we find something else. As it is, they're asking us to leave before the end of the school year, which would be awful.

Would be great if the wife pulled in what's needed to cover the bump. She's insanely talented and should make more than me in her field (which pays more than mine). But she's been out of the work force for essential 15 years (consulting not withstanding) and not sure she'll even get offered anything, let alone at any kind of useful level. But we need to explore it more deeply.

Honestly, it sounds like a situation where she shouldn't be picky. If she makes $15/hr at some low level retail job, that's definitely gotta be her focus right now. Being out of the workforce for 15 years has probably been great, but it's time to buckle down.
Judging by conversation #1 she doesn’t want to get a job. She‘d rather sell everything not bolted down and ask the parents for money. It does sound like a second income would cause issues with financial aid etc. Feel bad for the guy, 90% of the stress of this situation is going to remain on his shoulders.
Is the increased rent not part of the financial aid equation?
Great question... Will confer with the wife later- she handles all of this.

And again... I agree about needing her income potential, but our kids wouldn't be who they are or where they are without her non stop work on it. Not a tiger mom... Just does a lot of leg work finding, sourcing, and making things happen given our finances. My kids are kicking butt because of that work.
I get that but they are all old enough now that she no longer needs to be that.

Take it with a grain of salt though as my wife never stopped working and my son has issues lol
 
I was kind of typing up some suggestions, but really, I think Floppo knows he has options, he's not priced out of NYC.

More like, this sucks, he's been living there for 20 years, which in NYC terms is 70 years.
I realized while talking to my wife last night that I've lived in this apartment longer than I've lived anywhere... Including my childhood home.

And yeah... Theres options around, in the boroughs or burbs that we could afford. The primary issue is that 40x earnings thing... The wife thinks that's a deal breaker for even getting looked at for a new place so really doesn't want moving to be an option at all. Which we lived first hand in the year after our fire. We got really dicked around then.
 
I get that but they are all old enough now that she no longer needs to be that.
Fwiw, the legwork she's doing now (kid is a HS sophomore) looking at colleges, tuitions and aid... I already know will pay off when the time comes.

I get that it's easy to judge that she's not working, but This woman genuinely kicks *** at everything she does. Of course I would love for her to add some income while she's doing that other work- I'm sure once she went back in shed tear it up like she's does everything else she does.
 
I get that but they are all old enough now that she no longer needs to be that.
Fwiw, the legwork she's doing now (kid is a HS sophomore) looking at colleges, tuitions and aid... I already know will pay off when the time comes.

I get that it's easy to judge that she's not working, but This woman genuinely kicks *** at everything she does. Of course I would love for her to add some income while she's doing that other work- I'm sure once she went back in shed tear it up like she's does everything else she does.
Its a bit arrogant. She does sound like a bit of a helicopter mom. Why is she doing tons of legwork for your children's college? I guess that doesnt make sense. Theres plenty of dual parent working homes where the parents put in tons of legwork for their kids too.
 
Also how busy are you at your job that you cant kick in with some of that legwork?

My wife and I do tons of work for our child (finding him a therapist, researching high schools, finding him tutoring, getting him to his baseball lessons). It takes a village but we both have full time jobs and no parents to help us and **** gets done. You make it sound like the legwork your wife is doing is taking 80 hours a week. Im betting its closer to a few hours at night and/or weekends is all that is necessary.

College applications arent a full time job.
 
I know I am being harsh but I gotta call it like I see it:

  • Wife refuses to move
  • Excuse is background checks on salary meanwhile there are TONS of options that wont require salary check in outer boroughs
  • Wife refuses to get job, would rather sell everything they own and beg parents for money
  • Husband is underpaid
  • Excuse is legwork for college
  • Husband is too busy to help with legwork
All so kids can goto Juliard and kick *** in life. This is the biggest white privilege entitled **** I ever heard of in my life.
 
Last edited:
I know I am being harsh but I gotta call it like I see it:

  • Wife refuses to move
  • Excuse is background checks on salary meanwhile there are TONS of options that wont require salary check in outer boroughs
  • Wife refuses to get job, would rather sell everything they own and beg parents for money
  • Husband is underpaid
  • Excuse is legwork for college
  • Husband is too busy to help with legwork
All so kids can goto Juliard and kick *** in life. This is the biggest white privilege **** I ever heard of in my life.


Gaming the system for bennies is the farthest thing from“white privilege”.

How about we leave race out of the conversation?
 
The wife is a homemaker and in until very recently they’ve been living a pretty good life.

I havent seen anybody mention that if the wife goes to work, who is getting the kids ready and picked up after school? Day care will cost more than the rent hike.

Maybe we should offer support for a minute until our GB can get things worked out. This just happened.

In short, more support and respect for our Homie and our homies wife.
 
The wife is a homemaker and in until very recently they’ve been living a pretty good life.

I havent seen anybody mention that if the wife goes to work, who is getting the kids ready and picked up after school? Day care will cost more than the rent hike.

Maybe we should offer support for a minute until our GB can get things worked out. This just happened.

In short, more support and respect for our Homie and our homies wife.
Day care for teenagers?
 
The wife is a homemaker and in until very recently they’ve been living a pretty good life.

I havent seen anybody mention that if the wife goes to work, who is getting the kids ready and picked up after school? Day care will cost more than the rent hike.

Maybe we should offer support for a minute until our GB can get things worked out. This just happened.

In short, more support and respect for our Homie and our homies wife.
Day care for teenagers?

One is 11. I don’t know the other ages.

Dude, aren’t you having some issues of your own? No understanding for others? Glass houses and all that stuff man.
 
I tend to be overly self deprecating... A fault of mine. But a look at my resume and work shows my quality... Top schools, top firms and fantastic work. I am upper tier of people that work in this specific sector (super high end residential interior architecture coordinating with interior design) as employees.

I have worked at a lot of firms. I have been headhunted up the wazzoo.


This approach is not going to help you.

You are talking about the life you want, the life you "deserve" and the life you had, not the life you have right now. I'm speaking both as an employer and also as a long time member of this community. If you were at the top, you could write your own ticket. If you can't write your own ticket in your industry, then you aren't at the top. You'll say I don't understand your industry in specific terms enough to make that assessment. But it's how practical business works. For everyone.

You are in a situation where you don't want to give up anything. This is, right here and right now, about controlling your losses. You are going to have to take losses here. If you start now, take the practical mindset, you can try to push some direction into what losses you end up taking.

The longer you take to get past this emotional barrier, the harder it will be. The critical factor is that it won't just be harder for you, it will be harder for your children.

If you were everything along the lines of what you are saying you are, your situation wouldn't be this right now.

If that tastes bad in your mouth to hear, I had to say it to myself when I was homeless. I had to say it every single day.

A potential landlord is more likely to look at you and your situation more favorably if your wife is working, versus not. If your wife doesn't want to move past whatever hurdles ( that context becomes a personal matter and I'll leave that there), then she's electing to choose that over your children. No rationalization is going to change that.

There are people out there who can help you. There are also people out there who can offer different opportunities that can help you and your family. You have to put yourself in the best position for those people to want to help you. Your current approach doesn't do that. That's just plain straight talk.

For the sake of your kids, you have to let aspects of your "old life" go. That's what is happening here. Your old version of your life has effectively passed away. If you stay in grief and refuse to budge, then you will be stuck in the past and not moving forward. You have to accept the losses right now and the losses that are coming to find actual progress. It's going to happen in absolute terms. It can be either done as a transition, or it can be forced upon you but with more extreme circumstances you don't get to control. But it's going to happen.

Now I'm going to talk to you like a fellow parent - If saying that offends you, it's not about you. It's about your kids. How you choose to approach this, or not, shapes their world and their future.
 
That's harsh, Joba. I don't think the last bit is called for. Flop is struggling here and venting to us. No need to be an ***.
His wife is kicking *** while not working. Sorry rubbed me the wrong way BIG TIME.

Plenty of people have given him good advice. I certainly feel bad if he has to move out of the home he lived in for 20 years but he doesnt. His wife can get a job. Kick *** a different way.
 
I know I am being harsh but I gotta call it like I see it:

  • Wife refuses to move
  • Excuse is background checks on salary meanwhile there are TONS of options that wont require salary check in outer boroughs
  • Wife refuses to get job, would rather sell everything they own and beg parents for money
  • Husband is underpaid
  • Excuse is legwork for college
  • Husband is too busy to help with legwork
All so kids can goto Juliard and kick *** in life. This is the biggest white privilege **** I ever heard of in my life.
Wtf.

You're reading intob and adding a lot of your own **** here.

How about, no thanks for any more of your comments.
 
That's harsh, Joba. I don't think the last bit is called for. Flop is struggling here and venting to us. No need to be an ***.
His wife is kicking *** while not working. Sorry rubbed me the wrong way BIG TIME.

Plenty of people have given him good advice. I certainly feel bad if he has to move out of the home he lived in for 20 years but he doesnt. His wife can get a job. Kick *** a different way.
I've said that.

I've listened to advice and agreed with most of it.

I added support for my wife when people were starting to pile on and focus on her not working.

I also said I'd like her to work whole doing these things.

Wtf man.
 
The wife is a homemaker and in until very recently they’ve been living a pretty good life.

I havent seen anybody mention that if the wife goes to work, who is getting the kids ready and picked up after school? Day care will cost more than the rent hike.

Maybe we should offer support for a minute until our GB can get things worked out. This just happened.

In short, more support and respect for our Homie and our homies wife.
Day care for teenagers?

One is 11. I don’t know the other ages.

Dude, aren’t you having some issues of your own? No understanding for others? Glass houses and all that stuff man.
Yes I have had issues numerous times and vented about it here and been called out for **** numerous times. And guess what? A lot of the time when people called me out for **** while it hurt it also made me see things from a different perspective and realized they were right and I changed some things because of it.
 
The wife is a homemaker and in until very recently they’ve been living a pretty good life.

I havent seen anybody mention that if the wife goes to work, who is getting the kids ready and picked up after school? Day care will cost more than the rent hike.

Maybe we should offer support for a minute until our GB can get things worked out. This just happened.

In short, more support and respect for our Homie and our homies wife.
Agree with your sentiment other than getting kids ready and picked up. Oldest is 16, youngest is 12. 16 yr old can get the 12 yr old up as needed (likely not needed) and I believe Flop said they take public transport to and fro school.

Your Larger point stands tho.

My viewpoint remains this - you can’t raise a family of 4 on the income OP is implying in “nicer areas” of NYC if paying market rates for rent. The math doesn’t work. College is on the doorstep which won’t help.

So you have a few basic overall options:
-increase family income somehow
-reduce expenses, likely by moving to lower COL location (esp if top expense is rent)
-borrow your way out of it

If there’s other options I don’t know of them.
 
That's harsh, Joba. I don't think the last bit is called for. Flop is struggling here and venting to us. No need to be an ***.
His wife is kicking *** while not working. Sorry rubbed me the wrong way BIG TIME.

Plenty of people have given him good advice. I certainly feel bad if he has to move out of the home he lived in for 20 years but he doesnt. His wife can get a job. Kick *** a different way.

Ah. Boohoo for you.

I'll be sure to frame our lives in the future to avoid you getting rubbed the wrong way, poor guy.

And my wife is Hispanic... So take your white privilege and shove it
 
I know I am being harsh but I gotta call it like I see it:
What exactly are you accomplishing by “helping” in this way though?
Some people need the truth spelled out for them rather than everyone "be nice" and pussyfoot around the conversation.
No one is doing that. Many people already suggested his wife needs to find work.

You’re giving obvious “information”, that has been addressed many times, but in a jackass way.
 
I know I am being harsh but I gotta call it like I see it:
What exactly are you accomplishing by “helping” in this way though?
Some people need the truth spelled out for them rather than everyone "be nice" and pussyfoot around the conversation.
No one is doing that.
You’re giving obvious “information” that has been addressed many times but in a jackass way.
So everything I said was obvious but my tone was harsh. I was being blunt. I can understand why that rubs some people the wrong way. I am always honest.
 
Fwiw, the legwork she's doing now (kid is a HS sophomore) looking at colleges, tuitions and aid... I already know will pay off when the time comes.

I get that it's easy to judge that she's not working, but This woman genuinely kicks *** at everything she does. Of course I would love for her to add some income while she's doing that other work- I'm sure once she went back in shed tear it up like she's does everything else she does.
From a purely financial standpoint, it actually probably won't pay off. How many hours will she spend on this when it's all said and done, and what does that work out to be per hour? Seems very likely that you'd be much better off with her actually earning income vs. hypothetical savings (which can still be realized with far fewer hours).

Like everyone else I feel for you, but a red flag for me is how you said the topic of her working hasn't even been discussed yet. I'm not quite sure how that's even possible tbh. She can still kick *** while working, and IMO she would be kicking even more *** if she were. Even if it's part time, or consulting (like you said she's done), that should be enough to bridge the gap.
 
I know I am being harsh but I gotta call it like I see it:

  • Wife refuses to move
  • Excuse is background checks on salary meanwhile there are TONS of options that wont require salary check in outer boroughs
  • Wife refuses to get job, would rather sell everything they own and beg parents for money
  • Husband is underpaid
  • Excuse is legwork for college
  • Husband is too busy to help with legwork
All so kids can goto Juliard and kick *** in life. This is the biggest white privilege **** I ever heard of in my life.


Gaming the system for bennies is the farthest thing from“white privilege”.

How about we leave race out of the conversation?

That's harsh, Joba. I don't think the last bit is called for. Flop is struggling here and venting to us. No need to be an ***.
His wife is kicking *** while not working. Sorry rubbed me the wrong way BIG TIME.

Plenty of people have given him good advice. I certainly feel bad if he has to move out of the home he lived in for 20 years but he doesnt. His wife can get a job. Kick *** a different way.

Ah. Boohoo for you.

I'll be sure to frame our lives in the future to avoid you getting rubbed the wrong way, poor guy.

And my wife is Hispanic... So take your white privilege and shove it
You're absolutely right. I should have used the term "entitled". Thanks for calling me out on my ****. I apologize for bringing race into it.
 
I know I am being harsh but I gotta call it like I see it:
What exactly are you accomplishing by “helping” in this way though?
Some people need the truth spelled out for them rather than everyone "be nice" and pussyfoot around the conversation.


I would say the most practical impact that this community can make here, as of today, is


1) If anyone can help Floppo's wife get some immediate entry level work in NY, that would be a start. That kind of opportunity would certainly help


2) If anyone here in a major city near NY has contacts that can open doors in the world of architecture, maybe they can reach out, and see if they help Floppo out with some casual networking, in case he has to move out of New York.


I've essentially offered his eldest room and board for a year. So I've done my part. I'm sure a few of you might be able to make some phone calls or make some emails. My viewpoint is don't do it for Floppo, do it for a couple of kids. This is the kind of situation that can get very bad and very quickly. Lots of other Americans are facing this right now. Lots of other children are facing this right now.
 
I know I am being harsh but I gotta call it like I see it:
What exactly are you accomplishing by “helping” in this way though?
Some people need the truth spelled out for them rather than everyone "be nice" and pussyfoot around the conversation.


I would say the most practical impact that this community can make here, as of today, is


1) If anyone can help Floppo's wife get some immediate entry level work in NY, that would be a start. That kind of opportunity would certainly help


2) If anyone here in a major city near NY has contacts that can open doors in the world of architecture, maybe they can reach out, and see if they help Floppo out with some casual networking, in case he has to move out of New York.


I've essentially offered his eldest room and board for a year. So I've done my part. I'm sure a few of you might be able to make some phone calls or make some emails. My viewpoint is don't do it for Floppo, do it for a couple of kids. This is the kind of situation that can get very bad and very quickly. Lots of other Americans are facing this right now. Lots of other children are facing this right now.
 
I know I am being harsh but I gotta call it like I see it:
What exactly are you accomplishing by “helping” in this way though?
Some people need the truth spelled out for them rather than everyone "be nice" and pussyfoot around the conversation.
No one is doing that.
You’re giving obvious “information” that has been addressed many times but in a jackass way.
So everything I said was obvious but my tone was harsh. I was being blunt. I can understand why that rubs some people the wrong way. I am always honest.
Bully for you!
 
there are places that will pay her under the table. she needs to swallow her pride and get any job. 6 hours a day, 3 days a week, brings in $1080 tax free. and as she's slinging coffee or whatever, she can look for her "real job" and there are ways around showing too much income. just have to get creative. and do they audit you yearly?
 
Wife needs to get a job. She stayed home and raised her babies but the babies aren’t babies any longer. This thread never needed to happen. The solution was obvious from the start.
 
Florida is fine if you like car washes and storage facilities on every block and infinite billboards featuring either strippers or car accident lawyers.

I mean it was 75 today all day and cloudless so that part rules but there’s a lot to dislike here too. It’s a great place to be outside, surrounded by either your neighbors from up north or the strangest guy you’ve ever seen in your life whose skin resembles fried chicken. He’s holding a Miller lite bottle and mumbling something you can’t hear. Chances are he’s on the run for crimes.

For me it's the heat and mosquitos. Lived there a long time but can't do it anymore. Heck my business is in Florida and I don't even live there.
I look at it like May through September sucks, and I just try to be inside or go swimming. The other 7 months are usually pretty great, and I don’t have to deal with snow and winter. But to each their own.
I live in Michigan. I look at it like January through April sucks, and I just try to be inside or go driving. The other 8 months are usually pretty great, and I don't have to deal with sweltering heat, humidity, bugs, and hurricanes. But to each their own.

You're telling me Michigan doesn't have bugs in the summer?????? I'm pretty sure your state bird is a mosquito.
 
Florida is fine if you like car washes and storage facilities on every block and infinite billboards featuring either strippers or car accident lawyers.

I mean it was 75 today all day and cloudless so that part rules but there’s a lot to dislike here too. It’s a great place to be outside, surrounded by either your neighbors from up north or the strangest guy you’ve ever seen in your life whose skin resembles fried chicken. He’s holding a Miller lite bottle and mumbling something you can’t hear. Chances are he’s on the run for crimes.

For me it's the heat and mosquitos. Lived there a long time but can't do it anymore. Heck my business is in Florida and I don't even live there.
I look at it like May through September sucks, and I just try to be inside or go swimming. The other 7 months are usually pretty great, and I don’t have to deal with snow and winter. But to each their own.
I live in Michigan. I look at it like January through April sucks, and I just try to be inside or go driving. The other 8 months are usually pretty great, and I don't have to deal with sweltering heat, humidity, bugs, and hurricanes. But to each their own.
I have spent a lot of time in Michigan. That “sucks” part extends out to October imo. There’s no sun for 7 months there. You all look like Casper.


I do love visiting there though.

I've gone back with my wife twice in the dead of winter. Never again. I had nightly nose bleeds because the indoor air is so damn dry. I'm pretty sure my MIL thinks I have a giant cocaine problem.
 

Users who are viewing this thread

Back
Top