Marital Advice - Friendly camping trip too friendly? (1 Viewer)

[Mr. Know-It-All]

UPDATE:George just told me he has no recollection of this either. I can't tell if that's the truth or if he's trying to stay out of it. This makes things even more confusing for me......

I think George has done more than his part - leave him out of this.Confront the wife and based on what she says (and if you interprete her as lying) - Steve gets a beat down. If Steve does not deserve the beat down - too bad. At this point he has screwed up to the point that he knows he deserves it.

The problem is, and forgive me if I am misinterpreting what I have read, that -1. the guy was told that his wife went into a stall with a known player2. he ignored the warning3. the wife comes back with her stuff hanging out4. he buys (or at least tells his wife he buys) the story that she can't remember anything.This doesn't seem like the type of guy that is going to go administer a beat down to anyone. If anything he will probably apologize to Steve for his wife getting a bit too frisky. There is an elephant in the living room and it is time you acknowledge it. Chances are at the very least they made out like a couple of hormone driven teenagers. Alcohol may have been the factor that allowed it to happen, but it happened nonetheless. The involvement of alcohol doesn't make it any less wrong or somehow acceptable.Even if nothing happened (highly unlikely) a trust has been broken that will fester if not addressed. You said you are not sleeping and your gut feeling is probably right on. Even if it is not, perception is reality. hammer things out now or be prepared to be miserable for a considerable amount of time as the doubts will linger.

 

[(HULK)]

The poll is flawed because its missing this option:

-Empty joint accounts into your own account, find good divorce lawyer

Your wife was not seduced by Steve or taken advantage of by Steve. You wife did this all on her own accord. Steve's going to the bathroom, she volunteers to go with. Steve goes into a stall by himself, she jumps in after him. Your wife is chasing Steve here, not the other way around.

Her not remembering is fishy. George also not remembering now is setting off the air raid siren. Your wife almost certainly did the deed with Steve. As someone pointed out, she could potentially be pregnant or have an STD as a result of this. Also, she has clearly illustrated that she puts herself before you. She wanted to bang an old crush in an outhouse, and didn't care that it was 100% likely that you'd find out about it since she did it in front of your mutual friends.

You need to eject immediately. Find the best divorce lawyer you can and start protecting your assests. Good luck.

 

[jafo]

Well if your wife had to use the bathroom you know here pants were down. And Steve was in the same stall. He probably stood behind her and took the puppies out, and did the deed. 15 minutes is more than enough time to finish up, even if drunk. I'd confront Steve and get some answers.

 

[Bob Sacamano]

Hey, I'm going camping this weekend if you guys want to come along

You're not going to trick me into the outhouse again. The first three times taught me everything I need to know to avoid that kind of situation.

 

[VASteel]

UPDATE:

George just told me he has no recollection of this either. I can't tell if that's the truth or if he's trying to stay out of it. This makes things even more confusing for me......

I think George has done more than his part - leave him out of this.Confront the wife and based on what she says (and if you interprete her as lying) - Steve gets a beat down.

If Steve does not deserve the beat down - too bad. At this point he has screwed up to the point that he knows he deserves it.

The problem is, and forgive me if I am misinterpreting what I have read, that -1. the guy was told that his wife went into a stall with a known player (who laughed when asked what happened)

2. he ignored the warning

3. the wife comes back with her stuff hanging out

4. he buys (or at least tells his wife he buys) the story that she can't remember anything.

This doesn't seem like the type of guy that is going to go administer a beat down to anyone. If anything he will probably apologize to Steve for his wife getting a bit too frisky.

There is an elephant in the living room and it is time you acknowledge it. Chances are at the very least they made out like a couple of hormone driven teenagers. Alcohol may have been the factor that allowed it to happen, but it happened nonetheless. The involvement of alcohol doesn't make it any less wrong or somehow acceptable.

Even if nothing happened (highly unlikely) a trust has been broken that will fester if not addressed. You said you are not sleeping and your gut feeling is probably right on. Even if it is not, perception is reality. hammer things out now or be prepared to be miserable for a considerable amount of time as the doubts will linger.

These people do not appear to respect Yellow Hat and until he draws some boundaries with these people they never will. George isn't the problem here, he needs to firmly confront Steve and wife while the iron is hot.

 

[Power Monster]

Is it safe to say that we are 100% convinced that Steve was fooling around with your wife? 100%?

No, women with tight fitting bras with large puppies always involuntarily pop out all by themselves.

Possible but she was drunk off her rocker....

 

[Nigel]

You are not going to get a straight story from Steve, and obviously George is stonewalling. You need to talk to your wife. I don’t think it’s implausible that she doesn’t remember what happened. If she sticks with this story and you don't sense she's lying, accept it as truth. But also make it clear that all evidence points to the fact that something inappropriate, whether she remembers it or not, happened in that bathroom. Ask point blank about her feelings for Steve. Tell her you don’t want them to have any further contact with him. See how she reacts. If she is fine with this and you don’t sense any hesitation, give her a hug, tell her you love her, tell her to lay off the booze a bit and forget about it. If she’s a good mom and a good wife, which it sounds like she is, you have to give her a mulligan.

After things are squared with your wife I would give Steve a call to let him know that you know what he did and let him know in no uncertain terms that he should stay the #### away from your family.

 

[chet]

For all those saying he should talk to Steve, I will pretend I am Steve:

Steve: Nothing happened. I have no idea why we both came out in 15 minutes--weird coincidence?

Your move.

 

[Funkley]

I have a question, how much does this really bother you? I mean, you seriously may want to ask yourself that question. And no, I don't mean that in a "next year's camping trip at Hedonism," I just mean that are you or are you not willing to let this one go? How far and what consequences are you willing to accept?

Why be bothered now if you weren't concerned enough to sprint down the path to see wtf was going on.

 

[Bob Sacamano]

"OK Steve, I've heard what happened from my wife, and now I want to hear it from you."

 

[Third]

Married father of three.

First, no way George doesn't remember ANY of this. He was there when they went into the stall together, he told you when he got back to the campsite, and then he reminded you again 15 minutes later. Details get hazy when you drink an excessive amount, but I say there is no way he has completely blacked out on this completely. He doesn't want you to be able to go to Steve and say "George confirmed this happened." George did try to warn you, but I'm with the camp that says if George was a real friend - to you or to Steve - he would have put the brakes on them before it got started.

Second, your wife remembers if she did SOMETHING with Steve. She might not remember all the details, but I don't buy that she cannot remember any part of a 15-minute encounter with someone who wasn't her husband. I suspect she remembers something happening, but is playing up the "black out" defense so that when it is revealed that she messed around, she can completely fall back on how wasted she was.

I don't really go along with those that say how you react depends on "what you want to happen." You've never been in this situation before, you don't know the extent of what happened - how can you know what you want the outcome to be? Obviously, you would like to find out that nothing happened, but I'm not seeing that as an real possibility at this point. Bottom line, obviously you are extremely bothered by this. You are not going to know how to respond until you find out - as best you can - the extent of what happened. If I were in your shoes, my response would be a lot different if the answer was "he groped me over my clothes and started to pull my #### out but I stopped him" as compared to "we ###### like dogs in heat for 15 minutes."

You don't sound like someone who is going to take a "well, I'll just forget it this one time" approach - I think that's good. I say do what it takes to find out what happened - your marriage and your peace of mind is going to suffer until you do.

 

[LAUNCH]

Is there a "Mrs. Steve"? Or just a girlfriend? I would be getting details from everyone involved and letting the chips fall where the may.

LAUNCH

 

[Dreamer]

It's over. Get your balls back and move on. Good luck.

 

[pricklypete]

Why is everyone saying he should "shake down" George for info. George saw them go into a stall together but he left right away after going to the bathroom. Unless Steve is a complete moron who brags about banging a friends wife what is George going to know. He had his suspicions and mentioned them as soon as he got back. I don't think he really knows everything that happened.This really sucks and I feel bad for you. I just find it very suspicious that your wife conveniently had to go to the bathroom the same time that Steve did. I'm in the camp that she's knows more than she's letting on.

I think George is the stepping stone to the major confrontation.Hat needs more information before he can get in Steve's face.Personally, I'd want as much info as possible. I would then use that information in my confrontation with Steve. I liked the idea of giving the impression to Steve that I already knew what was going on.

 

[massraider]

I have a question, how much does this really bother you? I mean, you seriously may want to ask yourself that question. And no, I don't mean that in a "next year's camping trip at Hedonism," I just mean that are you or are you not willing to let this one go? How far and what consequences are you willing to accept?

Why be bothered now if you weren't concerned enough to sprint down the path to see wtf was going on.

Yeah, I think it's gonna be tough to get the exact, total truth. George doesn't even seem to be willing to confirm his own statements.If your wife has no history of infidelity, I might just chalk it up as an unknown, and let it go.I might talk to Steve, and let him know what I was told, and mention that I might not be so thrilled if he was ever alone with my wife again.

 

[Tom Cody]

UPDATE:George just told me he has no recollection of this either. I can't tell if that's the truth or if he's trying to stay out of it. This makes things even more confusing for me......

Is it too late in the game to just make some new friends? This current group stinks on many levels.

 

[SuperJohn96]

The part of this story I don't understand is how you were told your wife was in a bathroom stall with another man multiple times, and didn't do anything.Sorry man.

Seriously, 15 minutes is a long, long time.

I could have had two bj's in that time.

 

[LAUNCH]

Is there a "Mrs. Steve"? Or just a girlfriend? I would be getting details from everyone involved and letting the chips fall where the may.LAUNCH

COVER!Wait, what exactly is launching here?

Apparently some of Steve

 

[VASteel]

For all those saying he should talk to Steve, I will pretend I am Steve:Steve: Nothing happened. I have no idea why we both came out in 15 minutes--weird coincidence?Your move.

Are you seriously suggesting he shouldn't even try to confront the guy who may have doinked his wife?

 

[Sabertooth]

UPDATE:George just told me he has no recollection of this either. I can't tell if that's the truth or if he's trying to stay out of it. This makes things even more confusing for me......

I think George has done more than his part - leave him out of this.Confront the wife and based on what she says (and if you interprete her as lying) - Steve gets a beat down. If Steve does not deserve the beat down - too bad. At this point he has screwed up to the point that he knows he deserves it.

The problem is, and forgive me if I am misinterpreting what I have read, that -1. the guy was told that his wife went into a stall with a known player2. he ignored the warning3. the wife comes back with her stuff hanging out4. he buys (or at least tells his wife he buys) the story that she can't remember anything.This doesn't seem like the type of guy that is going to go administer a beat down to anyone. If anything he will probably apologize to Steve for his wife getting a bit too frisky. There is an elephant in the living room and it is time you acknowledge it. Chances are at the very least they made out like a couple of hormone driven teenagers. Alcohol may have been the factor that allowed it to happen, but it happened nonetheless. The involvement of alcohol doesn't make it any less wrong or somehow acceptable.Even if nothing happened (highly unlikely) a trust has been broken that will fester if not addressed. You said you are not sleeping and your gut feeling is probably right on. Even if it is not, perception is reality. hammer things out now or be prepared to be miserable for a considerable amount of time as the doubts will linger.

As usual MKIA is right on the money here. Steve and wife did something. Maybe she just flashed him the jublees or something but for certain something that was a betrayal of trust did happen. MITYH needs to get some answers here. If none are forthcoming, he needs to look at the writing on the wall.

 

[Sabertooth]

The part of this story I don't understand is how you were told your wife was in a bathroom stall with another man multiple times, and didn't do anything.Sorry man.

Seriously, 15 minutes is a long, long time.

I could have had two bj's in that time.

This is true. 15 minutes is long enough to do just about anything.

 

[flufhed]

MITYH needs to get some answers here. If none are forthcoming, he needs to look at the writing on the wall.

The more everyone claims "amnesia", the worse the situation looks.

 

[(HULK)]

The poll is flawed because its missing this option:-Empty joint accounts into your own account, find good divorce lawyerYour wife was not seduced by Steve or taken advantage of by Steve. You wife did this all on her own accord. Steve's going to the bathroom, she volunteers to go with. Steve goes into a stall by himself, she jumps in after him. Your wife is chasing Steve here, not the other way around.Her not remembering is fishy. George also not remembering now is setting off the air raid siren. Your wife almost certainly did the deed with Steve. As someone pointed out, she could potentially be pregnant or have an STD as a result of this. Also, she has clearly illustrated that she puts herself before you. She wanted to bang an old crush in an outhouse, and didn't care that it was 100% likely that you'd find out about it since she did it in front of your mutual friends.You need to eject immediately. Find the best divorce lawyer you can and start protecting your assests. Good luck.

Guy's got a couple of kids. It's not this simple. "To err is human, to forgive divine"

Well, whatever the road he wants to travel down is fine, but we need to inject some reality here. His wife and Steve did it. I have no doubts. If he wants to work it out between them, thats his decision. Me, I'd bail, because she didn't just cheat on the Man w/ the Yellow Hat, she cheated on his two kids also.

 

[Funkley]

I have a question, how much does this really bother you? I mean, you seriously may want to ask yourself that question. And no, I don't mean that in a "next year's camping trip at Hedonism," I just mean that are you or are you not willing to let this one go? How far and what consequences are you willing to accept?

Why be bothered now if you weren't concerned enough to sprint down the path to see wtf was going on.

Yeah, I think it's gonna be tough to get the exact, total truth. George doesn't even seem to be willing to confirm his own statements.If your wife has no history of infidelity, I might just chalk it up as an unknown, and let it go.I might talk to Steve, and let him know what I was told, and mention that I might not be so thrilled if he was ever alone with my wife again.

Oh, I'd definitely talk to Steve. Everytime he see's you from now on he's going to smirk to himself that he nailed your wife with you just yards away OR Steve will look at you and fear for his f###ing life over the biggest mistake he's ever made. It's up to you and your talk with Steve as to which it will be. Don't #### this up too.

 

[IvanKaramazov]

A lot of single guys in this thread giving advice to a married father of two.

I'm married and this situation would be suxor.

I think OP almost certainly got cheated upon.

 

[Third]

And by the way, while this sucks for MIYH - this is a heck of way to start a Tuesday at the FFA!!!

 

[Sabertooth]

MITYH needs to get some answers here. If none are forthcoming, he needs to look at the writing on the wall.

The more everyone claims "amnesia", the worse the situation looks.

Exactly.

 

[Mr. Chumley]

Even if George was talking all he could say is that they went in the same stall and then he left them there. Start with the wife and and then move on to steve.

 

[glvsav37]

I would say that the next camping trip is most def not a good idea.

I would reccomend this as a better option

 

[Nigel]

For all those saying he should talk to Steve, I will pretend I am Steve:Steve: Nothing happened. I have no idea why we both came out in 15 minutes--weird coincidence?Your move.

Are you seriously suggesting he shouldn't even try to confront the guy who may have doinked his wife?

I don't think that's his point, it's the nature of the conversation that's the question. "Hi Steve, did something happen between you and my wife?" is pointless. OP knows something wrong happened. There is no need to ask questions. The only reason to call Steve is to inform him that he is dead to them.

 

[Sabertooth]

Why after say ten minutes, didn't Yellow hat walk down there? Me, if my friend said my wife went into a stall with another guy, I'd would run...not walk...run down there to see wtf was happening. I mean, come on, this is your wife bud. There is "being cool and laid back" and there is "being a fool."

 

[Kilgore Trout]

Well, whatever the road he wants to travel down is fine, but we need to inject some reality here. His wife and Steve did it. I have no doubts. If he wants to work it out between them, thats his decision. Me, I'd bail, because she didn't just cheat on the Man w/ the Yellow Hat, she cheated on his two kids also.

How do you know what happened? It could have been a number of things. Maybe Steve put the moves on her and she stopped him. Maybe she flashed her boobies and thats it. No one knows what happened except Steve and his wife. HIs wife can't or won't remember, and Steve is most certainly going to deny it. Then what? Make rash decisions based on things you don't even know happened?

 

[Mr. Chumley]

And by the way, while this sucks for MIYH - this is a heck of way to start a Tuesday at the FFA!!!

It's like Friday only it's Tuesday. We can call it Frueday! And what does OP stand for?

 

[The Z Machine]

Learn on George... IN PERSON.

Then lean on the wife.

Then be ready to man up and talk to Steve.

 

[brewer]

For all those saying he should talk to Steve, I will pretend I am Steve:Steve: Nothing happened. I have no idea why we both came out in 15 minutes--weird coincidence?Your move.

Are you seriously suggesting he shouldn't even try to confront the guy who may have doinked his wife?

I don't think that's his point, it's the nature of the conversation that's the question. "Hi Steve, did something happen between you and my wife?" is pointless. OP knows something wrong happened. There is no need to ask questions. The only reason to call Steve is to inform him that he is dead to them.

Furthermore, I think OP needs to give George a pass on this one. He may be stonewalling now, but he is the only one in this story who tried to do the right thing.

 

[mr. furley]

go to Steve's house, throw some haymakers. if you're wrong.. you're wrong. either way the friendship is over.

there's definitely some sexual tension in your group of friends. mix in booze, get two people who are "drunk" alone..... bad things happen.

personally i couldn't forgive the wife. or forget. for me this'd be the end.

 

[Fla\/\/ed]

Your next move is to do nothing.If you want to get drunk, you have to be prepared for the consequences.

Not really. When I drink I am not going to play motorboat with my friends wives and they don't do that with my wife.

 

[VASteel]

The part of this story I don't understand is how you were told your wife was in a bathroom stall with another man multiple times, and didn't do anything.Sorry man.

Seriously, 15 minutes is a long, long time.

I could have had two bj's in that time.

This is true. 15 minutes is long enough to do just about anything.

I'd say that 15 minutes is too long to have done nothing.We're not in high school anymore. Things don't get nowhere after 15 minutes.

Exactly, if he didn't know what he was doing why did he laguh when asked? People don't "forget" or blow you off when there's no reason to...the writing is on the wall.

 

[Alias]

Well, whatever the road he wants to travel down is fine, but we need to inject some reality here. His wife and Steve did it. I have no doubts. If he wants to work it out between them, thats his decision. Me, I'd bail, because she didn't just cheat on the Man w/ the Yellow Hat, she cheated on his two kids also.

How do you know what happened? It could have been a number of things. Maybe Steve put the moves on her and she stopped him. Maybe she flashed her boobies and thats it. No one knows what happened except Steve and his wife. HIs wife can't or won't remember, and Steve is most certainly going to deny it. Then what? Make rash decisions based on things you don't even know happened?

Right because when a woman flashes her boobies she:1. does not unstrap her bra, but rather pulls them out since is so easily done 2. sometimes forgets to put them back into her braThere's a chance she passed out in the bathroom as well, slim - but it's a possibility.

 

[IvanKaramazov]

UPDATE:George just told me he has no recollection of this either. I can't tell if that's the truth or if he's trying to stay out of it. This makes things even more confusing for me......

This is a very, very bad sign.

 

[Third]

Even if George was talking all he could say is that they went in the same stall and then he left them there. Start with the wife and and then move on to steve.

Then why is George saying he doesn't remember any of this happening???If George doesn't know anything and really did leave before anything happened - why would he say he can't remember? I DO NOT believe that he has no recollection of any of this over a 15-minute period.Put yourself in George's shoes. You go to the bathroom with Steve and Mrs. MIYH - they are flirty, extremely wasted, and go into the stall together giggling. You finish your business, then walk out of the bathroom. If you think it's out of place for them to be in the stall together - which George obvoiusly did - 99% of "George's" stop and listen for a second outside the bathroom. Those cinderblock, campsite bathrooms have a lot of echo. There's no way he didn't hear something.George knows something.

 

[Commish77]

Yellow Hat... you tell us.... What do YOU think happened? Honestly.

 

[Funkley]

Why after say ten minutes, didn't Yellow hat walk down there? Me, if my friend said my wife went into a stall with another guy, I'd would run...not walk...run down there to see wtf was happening. I mean, come on, this is your wife bud. There is "being cool and laid back" and there is "being a fool."

Exactly. I don't understand at all just sitting there.

 

[flufhed]

Maybe Steve put the moves on her and she stopped him. Maybe she flashed her boobies and thats it.

Ok, that covers 30 seconds. What happened during the other 14 and a half minutes?

 

[Dentist]

http://nomarriage.com/

:(

 

[chet]

For all those saying he should talk to Steve, I will pretend I am Steve:Steve: Nothing happened. I have no idea why we both came out in 15 minutes--weird coincidence?Your move.

Are you seriously suggesting he shouldn't even try to confront the guy who may have doinked his wife?

No.I am saying he will learn nothing. He needs more info otherwise Steve will claim nothing happened and he will be left with two amnesiacs.

 

[Mr. Chumley]

Well, whatever the road he wants to travel down is fine, but we need to inject some reality here. His wife and Steve did it. I have no doubts. If he wants to work it out between them, thats his decision. Me, I'd bail, because she didn't just cheat on the Man w/ the Yellow Hat, she cheated on his two kids also.

How do you know what happened? It could have been a number of things. Maybe Steve put the moves on her and she stopped him. Maybe she flashed her boobies and thats it. No one knows what happened except Steve and his wife. HIs wife can't or won't remember, and Steve is most certainly going to deny it. Then what? Make rash decisions based on things you don't even know happened?

Right because when a woman flashes her boobies she:1. does not unstrap her bra, but rather pulls them out since is so easily done :(2. sometimes forgets to put them back into her braThere's a chance she passed out in the bathroom as well, slim - but it's a possibility.

He's is right there is a very slim chance nothing happened but miyh has to get to the bottom of this and that won't happen by sending email to someone that wasn't really involved.

 

[(HULK)]

Well, whatever the road he wants to travel down is fine, but we need to inject some reality here. His wife and Steve did it. I have no doubts. If he wants to work it out between them, thats his decision. Me, I'd bail, because she didn't just cheat on the Man w/ the Yellow Hat, she cheated on his two kids also.

How do you know what happened? It could have been a number of things. Maybe Steve put the moves on her and she stopped him. Maybe she flashed her boobies and thats it. No one knows what happened except Steve and his wife. HIs wife can't or won't remember, and Steve is most certainly going to deny it. Then what? Make rash decisions based on things you don't even know happened?

If you can't read between the lines, why bother reading?Its obvious what happened here. 20 different things point to his wife chasing down Steve to bang him. I wouldn't ignore them if I was him.

 

[Funkley]

His wife was hot for Steve before this. 15 minutes is enough to steal her for good.

 

[chet]

Why after say ten minutes, didn't Yellow hat walk down there? Me, if my friend said my wife went into a stall with another guy, I'd would run...not walk...run down there to see wtf was happening. I mean, come on, this is your wife bud. There is "being cool and laid back" and there is "being a fool."

Exactly. I don't understand at all just sitting there.

This thread was not to beat up the OP on what he didn't do; it's to help him figure out what happened. Hindsight is 20/20.