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Marriage advice (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter Help Wanted
- Start date
sbonomo
Footballguy
The no kids aspect is what is giving you an easy out (at least it did for me). Do not under any circumstances get this girl pregnant. I told my soon to be x-wife years ago that there is no way I would have kids with her. Thankfully we can both start over with a clean slate. I can't imagine how complicated it would be with kids. ETA: if you think it is going to get better, it wont. Believe me, I wasted 2-3 years of my life hoping things would get better.
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General Malaise
Footballguy
Don't waste the money on counseling. It's not going to help you two and good luck finding one right away that will accept your insurance. Even if you did, would she go with you?Help Wanted said:
What's stopping her from just leaving you? In your opinion?
Help Wanted
Footballguy
Most of the counsellors I've seen are around $100 a visit...doesn't seem too bad.
Yes, she said she would go.
I don't think she wants a divorce.
Buzzbait
Footballguy
You can't move forward trying to solve your issues while "thinking" she doesn't want a divorce. You need an honest discussion now and know exactly where she stands or you're just potentially wasting more time. I admire your resolve but at this point you're either both rowing to the same goal or you're going in circles.
General Malaise
Footballguy
Well, if money isn't an option and she will go with you, then go. Go now. Stop asking message boards for advice and ask the paid therapist. You know what you're going to get here (start hiding money, she's banging other dudes like a screen door in a twister, move on and drown yourself in 20 year old poon, etc).
General Malaise
Footballguy
BigJim®
Footballguy
Haven't read the entire thread but your initial post mentions that you've tried talking to her and it hasn't gone anywhere. JMHO, but counseling seems like the answer here to get to the heart of whatever is going on if you can't communicate 1-1. A good counselor is really just a facilitator of discussions couples have difficulty having 1-1, or are too warped by anger or resentment to have constructively. Seems like there is more going on than getting into better shape, doing more chores or some such passive aggressive approach is likely to solve. You owe it to yourself to figure out if this is salvageable asap.
pollardsvision
Footballguy
It's not about money. It's about time. At best counseling costs you 6 months, doesn't help, and you start over again 6 months older. Far worse is for counseling helping for a little while, then things going back to being ####, which costs you 2-3 more years (and you are suddenly pretty close to 40). The absolute worst, of course, is that counseling is wonderful, then you knock her up.
mr. furley
Footballguy
anti-depression meds are a killer of sex drive for a lot of peoplePoke_4_Life said:
it has to be her choice to get diagnosed, decide to take meds for it and then he has to pray it helps and increases their sex life
Poke_4_Life
Footballguy
That's why its important to work w/ your Dr. and find the right mix of meds. Been through this w/ my wife.
However, you are right its up to her to get diagnosed and then start taking control of the situation. All of which means this will be a long road that may not get better.
mr. furley
Footballguy
CurlyNight
Footballguy
Sounds like he has a 3 month time frame. If you are dealing with depression of that magnitude, it's not going to be 3 months and voila she's much better. I still don't get why he wants to go this road with her. He made the mistake of marrying her and now feels some kind of something to try and save a marriage that never should have happened. If the wife doesn't say she wants a divorce, I see this going for a few more years and then bam, hopefully with no kids, OP would have had it and divorce hopefully without kids. I question his self esteem. He's admitted he's put on weight and I don't know anyone who is happy when this happens. Then you have a size 0 wife. Lose the weight and I have a feeling he'll be looking differently (pun intended) at his situation, as in he deserves to be much happier.
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Help Wanted
Footballguy
She's cheating on me. Just found the texts. I know you are all shocked.
CurlyNight
Footballguy
Sorry to hear but don't bother with a second thought of staying with her. Once a cheater and all....
comfortably numb
Footballguy
Van Dyman
Footballguy
Sorry to hear that. What did you find? Something that explains years of problems, something new that could be expected given the current problems, some stupid mistake that she regrets, something meaningful enough for her to bail out of marriage, etc.?
Help Wanted
Footballguy
Something that has lasted since at least before last Christmas.
Do divorce laws lean in my favor at all if she has been unfaithful? She works from home and makes very little. I have a job and make much more. Texas.
Do divorce laws lean in my favor at all if she has been unfaithful? She works from home and makes very little. I have a job and make much more. Texas.
Judge Smails
Footballguy
Well, you've got #3 for sure..
What are the grounds for divorce in Texas?
There are 7 grounds (reasons) for divorce in Texas. Only the first ground listed below does not assign fault to either spouse for the break-up of the marriage. The other 6 grounds do require one spouse to blame the other for the divorce.
1. Insupportability - The marriage can no longer continue because of disagreements or differences that cannot be resolved.
2. Cruelty - When your spouse is guilty of "cruel treatment" towards you to the point that it is no longer bearable to continue living together.
3. Adultery - When your spouse has cheated on you (known as committing adultery).
4. Conviction of a felony - When, during the marriage, your spouse has been convicted of a felony and imprisoned for at least one year (in any state or federal prison) and has not been pardoned. However, you cannot use this ground if your testimony is what was used in court to convict your spouse.
5. Abandonment - When your spouse left you with the intention of abandoning you and he remained away for at least one year.
6. Living apart - When you and your spouse have lived apart (without cohabitation) for at least three years.
7. Confinement in mental hospital - When, at the time you file for divorce, your spouse has been confined in a mental hospital (state or private) for at least three years, and it appears that his/her mental disorder is the type that will not get better (or if it does get better, it appears that a relapse is probable.)*
What are the grounds for divorce in Texas?
There are 7 grounds (reasons) for divorce in Texas. Only the first ground listed below does not assign fault to either spouse for the break-up of the marriage. The other 6 grounds do require one spouse to blame the other for the divorce.
1. Insupportability - The marriage can no longer continue because of disagreements or differences that cannot be resolved.
2. Cruelty - When your spouse is guilty of "cruel treatment" towards you to the point that it is no longer bearable to continue living together.
3. Adultery - When your spouse has cheated on you (known as committing adultery).
4. Conviction of a felony - When, during the marriage, your spouse has been convicted of a felony and imprisoned for at least one year (in any state or federal prison) and has not been pardoned. However, you cannot use this ground if your testimony is what was used in court to convict your spouse.
5. Abandonment - When your spouse left you with the intention of abandoning you and he remained away for at least one year.
6. Living apart - When you and your spouse have lived apart (without cohabitation) for at least three years.
7. Confinement in mental hospital - When, at the time you file for divorce, your spouse has been confined in a mental hospital (state or private) for at least three years, and it appears that his/her mental disorder is the type that will not get better (or if it does get better, it appears that a relapse is probable.)*
Mrs. Rannous
Footballguy
Divorce laws in Texas also favor you because we don't have alimony. I believe it's up to five years of spouse support and then nothing. Here's the relevant law bits on that.
TwinTurbo
Footballguy
Baloney Sandwich
Footballguy
Of course she is cheating but at least now you know. Hopefully she doesn't know you know so that you can plan things out accordingly.
Get your fat ### in shape, tons of TX whores await you.
Help Wanted
Footballguy
johnnycakes
Footballguy
fruity pebbles
Footballguy
You're lucky, you'll have a nice, clean break. Don't go in all guns ablazin. She doesn't know that you know. Play nice, get in shape, get all of your finances in order, hide as much money as you can and then start talking to a divorce lawyer. This topic shouldn't even be brought up until you're serving her with papers.
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Tom Skerritt
Footballguy
And get a consult with many good divorce attorneys in your area. Your wife will be unable to use them later.
fantasycurse42
Footballguy Jr.
fantasycurse42
Footballguy Jr.
Mrs. Rannous
Footballguy
And make sure you ignore the "hide money" idiots. Perjury is no fun, and you already have the high ground.
Quez
Footballguy
Your marriage, or what's left of it, is hanging on by a thread. True, she has made a mistake, and it will be hard to ever trust her again. However, the easy way out would be to get a divorce. It's time for one last hail Mary. Have a kid, it may just bring you guys back together. I'm just kidding that's the worst advice ever.
Otis
Footballguy
Exactly. I want to know who his friends are. Are these guys all sitting around telling him "dude, don't worry, sex really picks up a whole lot after marriage, and actually doubles each year!"
NFL-ons
Footballguy
Given the behavior you were aware of, marriage may not have been the best decision. That being said, you are really in a great position for someone in a poor marriage. You have been true to your vows and are being given a guilt free 'out' of a terrible situation. It appears that you are also in a position to free yourself with the best possible outcome, but you HAVE to follow some of the advice that has been given on how to approach your divorce, and you HAVE to do it NOW! It seems as if you have no clue as to where this woman's head is, it would not be surprising if she has already begun speaking with attorneys.
It is a shame you have wasted any of your life with this woman. It is a shame that you are going to have to waste a little more. But...it is great that you are going to be physically and guilt free soon.
It is a shame you have wasted any of your life with this woman. It is a shame that you are going to have to waste a little more. But...it is great that you are going to be physically and guilt free soon.
