Arizona Ron
Footballguy
There’s been cash disappearing from my house. A little back story, I’m living at home with my wife and kid again and things are good. I still go out once a week or so but nowhere near as much as I use to go out before. Anyway, when I go out I like to have cash instead of paying with a credit card in DC after hours clubs. Why? Well it’s not that I don’t trust the people working there but there’s been more than once occasion where I believed I closed a tab at X amount and other people I was with previously in the evening kept drinking on it (I think). So now, when I leave here’s my bill + tip and that’s the end of it.
I usually carry 50 dollar bills. 100s seem to send off alarms for some reason but 50s don’t bother people. When I get home, I usually strip down anything less than a 50 and throw it in a tin kept near the front door of the house; that money is historically for takeout, gratuity for the cleaning company and gratuity for deliveries, etc. At any given time I’d estimate there’s only 100-200 dollars total in the tin. That tin has had cash in it forever, even when I didn’t live at home I would stuff cash it in when I stopped by.
Anyway, one weekend on a rare occasion I went out on both Friday and Saturday. Sunday afternoon my wife says to me she running to the ATM to get some cash for the cleaners (they come every other Sunday). I said there should be money in the tin, nope empty. I know I put at least 50 in there in change between the two nights I went out. I shrugged and apologized as my wife went off to get cash (side note, the cleaning people we have a great; they work for a company we pay but we’re not 100% sure what they get paid so we always tip them nicely in cash).
This prompted me to go through my cameras and look at activity in that room. It’s my daughter taking money out of the tin – she’s in 6th grade, there are not a lot of times where she needs cash. Occasionally when she goes on school trips but we’ll typically plan for that in advance; for the most part, when she needs to buy something my wife are I are there to buy it.
My daughter was at a friend’s house at the time I backtracked the videos but my wife and I confronted her when she got home. She’s a good kid and I hope I would be able to spot signs of drug use or something before seeing money missing. Anyway, we talked and she told me in a “oh it’s just this” kind of manner – not hiding or feeling like she did something wrong. The ‘when’ she took money aligned with the camera – first a few 20s, gives it to friend then the rest of the money hours later that day. She told me her friend’s older brother was sick and needed money for medicine. I know the girl’s family (well the parents at least); they live a block over and they aren’t hurting for money. I asked more questions and tried to get her to rationalize why she felt the need to buy medicine for her friend’s brother – even to the details of well what medicine and where are you buying it. She tells me she just gives the money to her friend and that’s all she knows.
My daughter isn’t stupid but is still only a 6th grader. She really believes that she’s giving money to help her friend’s sick brother. There’s always been money in the tin so that may have also been seen as no big deal. I got the friend’s parents number from my wife to I asked if I could stop by to talk about our kid’s interactions. I didn’t want to have the conversation over the phone as I wanted to see the parent’s reactions. The wife agreed to meet, husband is on travel. I stop by and we talked. I know the mom on a hi/bye basis that’s about it.
We spoke for a good hour or so, turns out the older brother has a pill problem. The daughter doesn’t know he’s using drugs – the parents have been telling the daughter that he’s sick and the pills are very expensive so he can’t take them all the time (i.e. withdrawing). They said they’ve done everything short of putting him in a long-term rehab because they don’t want that history to show up when trying to get into the gov agency the dad works in after college. I held back saying that I think they’re horrible parents for not getting this kid real help now. Weighing a kid’s job perspectives after college when there’s problem now seems pretty dumb to me. I can’t raise their kid though.
I told her to please remove my daughter from your son’s problems. Don’t allow my daughter to give your daughter money or even ask for it. She of course agreed but asked that I not tell my daughter the real reason for the money. She says that kids talk and she didn’t want her son to be known as a drug user. I agreed to it but later told my daughter anyway. I can’t have my daughter thinking that we’re not helping her friend that needs help as previously in her mind, the few dollars in the tin was helping her friend’s older brother. In reality it’s hurting him and I feel my daughter needed to understand that. Now the hard part is my daughter can’t tell her friend what she knows.
Did I do the right thing? Am I making this worse? Parenting is hard man
I usually carry 50 dollar bills. 100s seem to send off alarms for some reason but 50s don’t bother people. When I get home, I usually strip down anything less than a 50 and throw it in a tin kept near the front door of the house; that money is historically for takeout, gratuity for the cleaning company and gratuity for deliveries, etc. At any given time I’d estimate there’s only 100-200 dollars total in the tin. That tin has had cash in it forever, even when I didn’t live at home I would stuff cash it in when I stopped by.
Anyway, one weekend on a rare occasion I went out on both Friday and Saturday. Sunday afternoon my wife says to me she running to the ATM to get some cash for the cleaners (they come every other Sunday). I said there should be money in the tin, nope empty. I know I put at least 50 in there in change between the two nights I went out. I shrugged and apologized as my wife went off to get cash (side note, the cleaning people we have a great; they work for a company we pay but we’re not 100% sure what they get paid so we always tip them nicely in cash).
This prompted me to go through my cameras and look at activity in that room. It’s my daughter taking money out of the tin – she’s in 6th grade, there are not a lot of times where she needs cash. Occasionally when she goes on school trips but we’ll typically plan for that in advance; for the most part, when she needs to buy something my wife are I are there to buy it.
My daughter was at a friend’s house at the time I backtracked the videos but my wife and I confronted her when she got home. She’s a good kid and I hope I would be able to spot signs of drug use or something before seeing money missing. Anyway, we talked and she told me in a “oh it’s just this” kind of manner – not hiding or feeling like she did something wrong. The ‘when’ she took money aligned with the camera – first a few 20s, gives it to friend then the rest of the money hours later that day. She told me her friend’s older brother was sick and needed money for medicine. I know the girl’s family (well the parents at least); they live a block over and they aren’t hurting for money. I asked more questions and tried to get her to rationalize why she felt the need to buy medicine for her friend’s brother – even to the details of well what medicine and where are you buying it. She tells me she just gives the money to her friend and that’s all she knows.
My daughter isn’t stupid but is still only a 6th grader. She really believes that she’s giving money to help her friend’s sick brother. There’s always been money in the tin so that may have also been seen as no big deal. I got the friend’s parents number from my wife to I asked if I could stop by to talk about our kid’s interactions. I didn’t want to have the conversation over the phone as I wanted to see the parent’s reactions. The wife agreed to meet, husband is on travel. I stop by and we talked. I know the mom on a hi/bye basis that’s about it.
We spoke for a good hour or so, turns out the older brother has a pill problem. The daughter doesn’t know he’s using drugs – the parents have been telling the daughter that he’s sick and the pills are very expensive so he can’t take them all the time (i.e. withdrawing). They said they’ve done everything short of putting him in a long-term rehab because they don’t want that history to show up when trying to get into the gov agency the dad works in after college. I held back saying that I think they’re horrible parents for not getting this kid real help now. Weighing a kid’s job perspectives after college when there’s problem now seems pretty dumb to me. I can’t raise their kid though.
I told her to please remove my daughter from your son’s problems. Don’t allow my daughter to give your daughter money or even ask for it. She of course agreed but asked that I not tell my daughter the real reason for the money. She says that kids talk and she didn’t want her son to be known as a drug user. I agreed to it but later told my daughter anyway. I can’t have my daughter thinking that we’re not helping her friend that needs help as previously in her mind, the few dollars in the tin was helping her friend’s older brother. In reality it’s hurting him and I feel my daughter needed to understand that. Now the hard part is my daughter can’t tell her friend what she knows.
Did I do the right thing? Am I making this worse? Parenting is hard man