My girlfriend is close friends with her ex-boyfriend (1 Viewer)

[Annyong]

Have you considered talking to the ex-bf?

 

[TheIronSheik]

Have you considered talking to the ex-bf?

Or mowing his lawn?

 

[sdp1226]

Dump her. If the trend continues you'll still be able to hump her anyway...

I like this idea. Become the ex and see if you continue to bang. If so, it'll give you an idea if she was cheating on you.

 

[Bull Dozier]

All about how much you trust her and how secure you are with yourself.

I do really trust her and am very secure in myself. I really don't have any concern that she is sleeping with him or that she would leave me for him. I just find it annoying that this ex-boyfriend is still lingering about. I kind of thing that my girlfriend is just too nice to cut someone out of her life.

I dated and banged my best friend and once we broke up we remained friends to this day and talk almost everyday either by text or phone and see each other a few times a week.I told my girl the deal up front and she was fine with it once she saw us together and how we acted towards each other.It's all about trust for me.

And for the record I did not bang my friend again and have no desire to.

ETA:I should also add that my girl is still friends will one of her previous b/f's as well.

This works for some people. My personal opinion is that you are in a very small minority.

 

[urbanhack]

She could be telling the truth. And girls don't like guys who are insecure. A little jealously is flattering from time to time, but flat out not trusting or being insecure comes off as unattractive to most women.

 

[Ditkaless Wonders]

Tell her honestly that you cannot get past this. Let her know that the inability to get past this is your problem, not hers. Move on amicably, absolutely no recriminations or accusations. Find someone with whom you are more compatible.

I wish someone had said this before.

It would have to have been by an individual with unusual perspicacity.

 

[Buckfast 1]

Have you considered talking to the ex-bf?

I know the ex-boyfriend. He seems like a nice enough guy. But if I am going to handle this situation, then I am going to handle it through my girlfriend, not the ex-boyfriend.

 

[Wrigley]

Something something peanut butter on your Johnson and the dog something something

 

[SeveredHorseHeads]

How does she respond to your concerns about this? Blow it off? Minimize it? Get mad?

 

[VA703]

get a copy of the text messages and post them here

also when they talk on the phone, interrupt her with ur dong and proceed to pound away while the ex listens

 

[jhib]

All about how much you trust her and how secure you are with yourself.

I do really trust her and am very secure in myself. I really don't have any concern that she is sleeping with him or that she would leave me for him. I just find it annoying that this ex-boyfriend is still lingering about. I kind of thing that my girlfriend is just too nice to cut someone out of her life.

I dated and banged my best friend and once we broke up we remained friends to this day and talk almost everyday either by text or phone and see each other a few times a week.I told my girl the deal up front and she was fine with it once she saw us together and how we acted towards each other.It's all about trust for me.

And for the record I did not bang my friend again and have no desire to.

ETA:I should also add that my girl is still friends will one of her previous b/f's as well.

You might want to make the gender of your best friend more clear before someone makes a joke about it.

 

[jonessed]

Ask her how she would feel if her ex-boyfriend wasn't in her life but your ex-girlfriend was in yours. If that doesn't work, have someone steal the dog (just make sure he goes to a good person that will take care of it).

Yeah, believe me, I have voiced similar things but she doesn't buy that analogy because her ex is "normal" and my ex is a complete psychopath that has already tried to ruin our relationship through various forms of harassment and blackmail. I get that there are significant differences between the mental stability of our exes, but ultimately I think there are more similarities than differences in the situation of hanging out with our respective exes.

You seem to be getting pushed around quite a bit here and that's already clearly a problem. She feels she can eat her cake and have it too.

You made it clear it bothers you. At this point she either doesn't care or she feels you won't act on it. Suck it up and deal with the situation on your own terms.

 

[Buckfast 1]

She could be telling the truth. And girls don't like guys who are insecure. A little jealously is flattering from time to time, but flat out not trusting or being insecure comes off as unattractive to most women.

I would bet any amount of money that she has not had sex with him since we started dating. She's just not the type of person to lie or cheat. She's probably the most honest and principled person I've ever met. I, of course, knew that the FFA response would be mostly "she's still banging him!", but that has never been my concern at all. I've never accused her of having sex with him or anything like that. I just don't really think it is healthy for our relationship to have him continue to be so involved in her life, even in a completely non-sexual manner.

 

[trogg78]

You're supposed to make a list of pros and cons of dating her and then post them here for us to decide.

 

[Godsbrother]

She could be telling the truth. And girls don't like guys who are insecure. A little jealously is flattering from time to time, but flat out not trusting or being insecure comes off as unattractive to most women.

She could be telling the truth. And girls don't like guys who are insecure. A little jealously is flattering from time to time, but flat out not trusting or being insecure comes off as unattractive to most women.

I would bet any amount of money that she has not had sex with him since we started dating. She's just not the type of person to lie or cheat. She's probably the most honest and principled person I've ever met. I, of course, knew that the FFA response would be mostly "she's still banging him!", but that has never been my concern at all. I've never accused her of having sex with him or anything like that. I just don't really think it is healthy for our relationship to have him continue to be so involved in her life, even in a completely non-sexual manner.

She probably figures why should she end her friendship with a long time friend for someone she's been dating for only 6 months.

I think you either live with it for now or dump her. She is going to be annoyed if you keep bringing this up and even if she does end her friendship she is going to resent you for doing it.

 

[John Bender]

Tell her you don't mind sharing the dog, but the dinners/texting friendship aspect of things is just too weird for you and you don't like it.

You'd like that part to stop if she wants to stay with you. If she has NO feelings for him in a a love/sexual way, it'll be a no brainer for her. If she fights it, refuses, gets mad at you, doesn't consider your feelings, she does have some lingering sexual or love feelings for him and you should run for the hills anyway.

It's really that simple. Be prepared to hold your ground and pack your stuff

And if you do, I guarantee she will be at this house that night and he will be in her pants faster than you can say Labradoodle.

 

[Uruk-Hai]

Tell her honestly that you cannot get past this. Let her know that the inability to get past this is your problem, not hers. Move on amicably, absolutely no recriminations or accusations. Find someone with whom you are more compatible.

I wish someone had said this before.

It would have to have been by an individual with unusual perspicacity.

I DO sweat a lot more than most

 

[John Bender]

She could be telling the truth. And girls don't like guys who are insecure. A little jealously is flattering from time to time, but flat out not trusting or being insecure comes off as unattractive to most women.

I would bet any amount of money that she has not had sex with him since we started dating. She's just not the type of person to lie or cheat. She's probably the most honest and principled person I've ever met. I, of course, knew that the FFA response would be mostly "she's still banging him!", but that has never been my concern at all. I've never accused her of having sex with him or anything like that. I just don't really think it is healthy for our relationship to have him continue to be so involved in her life, even in a completely non-sexual manner.

It's not. Especially if it affects you.

 

[Nick Vermeil]

Have you considered talking to the ex-bf?

I know the ex-boyfriend. He seems like a nice enough guy. But if I am going to handle this situation, then I am going to handle it through my girlfriend, not the ex-boyfriend.

Such a new millennium response. First thing you need to ask is what you want from her long term. If she's not marriage material then this guy is picking up some of the BF load for you. Good for him. If you want her long term, you have to get this guy into a violent game of racket ball or some ####. Punch him after he cheats at 8 ball. Take the fight to him bromigo.

 

[Rick James]

I've been dating a girl for about 6 months that remains very close friends with her ex-boyfriend. They dated for around 6 years and broke up about a year and a half ago. They also have a dog that they got together, so they essentially share custody of their dog. He goes over to her place occasionally to spend time with the dog or to pick up the dog for the weekend. They occasionally eat lunch or dinner together, text each other every couple days or so, and occasionally talk on the phone.

My girlfriend has been pretty up-front about her friendship with her ex-boyfriend all along, but it has just become progressively more annoying to me over time. I honestly have no concern that they have any sort of ongoing sexual relationship or that she would ever cheat on me, but I just don't think it is healthy for the future of our relationship to have her ex-boyfriend to continue to be so involved in her life. I have no problem with him picking up the dog for the weekend, but I find things like him going over to her place for dinner and texting regularly to be somewhat irksome. I've gotten mad when I found out that she had confided in her ex-boyfriend about some issues that we had our relationship. I also got pretty annoyed on Saturday when she asked if her ex-boyfriend could come over to my house to pick up their dog (who my brother was watching for the weekend while we were out of town).

Does anyone have any experience with a similar situation? Do you think I am out of line for getting annoyed with this friendship with her ex-boyfriend? How would you handle this situation?

only read the first paragraph. this is totally inappropriate, and I wouldn't stand for it.

 

[Zow]

I don't think there's much you can do with the situation. It's not going to change from your girlfriend's end of it and if you try to change it you're inevitably going to come across as immature/jealous and become the bad guy. I think you just have to ask yourself whether putting up with it is worth it to continue dating this girl. If it's not, then dump her. If it is, well then keep your mouth shut and let it play out.

I'll give you a real-life optimistic example of this very scenario. My SIL remained in contact and was friendly (i.e. would meet up for lunch, text occasionally, etc.) with a guy she either dated or was very close with before my BIL. Everyone thought it was a little odd and that it was obvious the ex/friend was still into my SIL, but frankly we all knew SIL wouldn't do anything romantic with the guy and just simply naively thought they could be actual friends. I'm sure it bothered my BIL (especially when he found out she'd confide in this "friend" about some of her complaints about my BIL), but he kept his mouth shut and let it play out. The situation resolved itself when the ex/friend, as we all knew he would, essentially confessed his continuing love for my SIL and made his move. She was upset and shocked at him. She then cut off all contact, the ex/friend is long gone, and my BIL looked awesome throughout the entire situation.

 

[Buckfast 1]

How does she respond to your concerns about this? Blow it off? Minimize it? Get mad?

She is generally a pretty reasonable person. Here was her text message from this morning:

"[buckfast], I know you're so angry about the [ex-boyfriend] thing, and I do see your side of it - but also, I do feel like I've been completely open with you since the beginning about what it was, and for a long time you told me you didn't care. So I totally understand that I have probably been insensitive to your feelings but also I feel like I've been getting some mixed messages from you on how you want me to handle it. But I really don't want to fight about it any more and I am completely willing to listen to what would make you comfortable."

 

[Ditkaless Wonders]

You should take them both out to a very crowded, very dark haunted house.

 

[Rick James]

You're supposed to make a list of pros and cons of dating her and then post them here for us to decide.

CON- she still bangs her ex-BF

 

[Zow]

How does she respond to your concerns about this? Blow it off? Minimize it? Get mad?

She is generally a pretty reasonable person. Here was her text message from this morning:

"[buckfast], I know you're so angry about the [ex-boyfriend] thing, and I do see your side of it - but also, I do feel like I've been completely open with you since the beginning about what it was, and for a long time you told me you didn't care. So I totally understand that I have probably been insensitive to your feelings but also I feel like I've been getting some mixed messages from you on how you want me to handle it. But I really don't want to fight about it any more and I am completely willing to listen to what would make you comfortable."

That is a pretty damn reasonable text message.

 

[Dan Lambskin]

Eiffel Tower time

 

[Rick James]

How does she respond to your concerns about this? Blow it off? Minimize it? Get mad?

She is generally a pretty reasonable person. Here was her text message from this morning:

"[buckfast], I know you're so angry about the [ex-boyfriend] thing, and I do see your side of it - but also, I do feel like I've been completely open with you since the beginning about what it was, and for a long time you told me you didn't care. So I totally understand that I have probably been insensitive to your feelings but also I feel like I've been getting some mixed messages from you on how you want me to handle it. But I really don't want to fight about it any more and I am completely willing to listen to what would make you comfortable."

she's practically begging you to tell her to knock it off.

 

[ClownCausedChaos2]

Dump her. If the trend continues you'll still be able to hump her anyway...

Make sure you two get a dog first.

 

[Ditkaless Wonders]

You could tell her that anal is very reassuring.

 

[Brony]

She's into it.

 

[Zow]

How does she respond to your concerns about this? Blow it off? Minimize it? Get mad?

She is generally a pretty reasonable person. Here was her text message from this morning:

"[buckfast], I know you're so angry about the [ex-boyfriend] thing, and I do see your side of it - but also, I do feel like I've been completely open with you since the beginning about what it was, and for a long time you told me you didn't care. So I totally understand that I have probably been insensitive to your feelings but also I feel like I've been getting some mixed messages from you on how you want me to handle it. But I really don't want to fight about it any more and I am completely willing to listen to what would make you comfortable."

she's practically begging you to tell her to knock it off.

I don't see it this way at all. Frankly she probably has a valid point because it sounds like Buckfast probably initially expressed to her that he was cool with it but then lately has been making comments suggesting he's not. It sounds like she's looking for clarity so she can re-evaluate.

 

[Buckfast 1]

Tell her you don't mind sharing the dog, but the dinners/texting friendship aspect of things is just too weird for you and you don't like it.

You'd like that part to stop if she wants to stay with you. If she has NO feelings for him in a a love/sexual way, it'll be a no brainer for her. If she fights it, refuses, gets mad at you, doesn't consider your feelings, she does have some lingering sexual or love feelings for him and you should run for the hills anyway.

It's really that simple. Be prepared to hold your ground and pack your stuff

And if you do, I guarantee she will be at this house that night and he will be in her pants faster than you can say Labradoodle.

I really think that this is where I currently am on the issue. I have no problem with him coming over to pick up the dog for the weekend. I have no problem with them communicating about issues related to the dog. I really don't even have a problem if they want to grab lunch together on rare occasions. But I think that I should draw a line saying that I don't think it is appropriate for them to have dinner together, for him to come over and hang out at her place, and for them to text regularly. I think that is a pretty reasonable position. If she tries to push back on that too much, then I think I will just have to tell her that it is not going to work for me and move on.

 

[jonessed]

You have to love the, "mixed messages". Like somehow the relationship parameters during the first months of dating are some kind of constant.

Be completely honest now. Don't try to skirt around what would make you uncomfortable. It sounds like she's willing to listen. You don't want to have to have this conversation again.

 

[Zow]

Tell her you don't mind sharing the dog, but the dinners/texting friendship aspect of things is just too weird for you and you don't like it.

You'd like that part to stop if she wants to stay with you. If she has NO feelings for him in a a love/sexual way, it'll be a no brainer for her. If she fights it, refuses, gets mad at you, doesn't consider your feelings, she does have some lingering sexual or love feelings for him and you should run for the hills anyway.

It's really that simple. Be prepared to hold your ground and pack your stuff

And if you do, I guarantee she will be at this house that night and he will be in her pants faster than you can say Labradoodle.

I really think that this is where I currently am on the issue. I have no problem with him coming over to pick up the dog for the weekend. I have no problem with them communicating about issues related to the dog. I really don't even have a problem if they want to grab lunch together on rare occasions. But I think that I should draw a line saying that I don't think it is appropriate for them to have dinner together, for him to come over and hang out at her place, and for them to text regularly. I think that is a pretty reasonable position. If she tries to push back on that too much, then I think I will just have to tell her that it is not going to work for me and move on.

Sounds reasonable.

 

[Emerson Biggens]

Set the ex up with some hot girl or at least mention that you have someone in mind for him and see if your girl friend shows any signs of caring. Proceed based on that answer.

 

[John Bender]

Tell her you don't mind sharing the dog, but the dinners/texting friendship aspect of things is just too weird for you and you don't like it.

You'd like that part to stop if she wants to stay with you. If she has NO feelings for him in a a love/sexual way, it'll be a no brainer for her. If she fights it, refuses, gets mad at you, doesn't consider your feelings, she does have some lingering sexual or love feelings for him and you should run for the hills anyway.

It's really that simple. Be prepared to hold your ground and pack your stuff

And if you do, I guarantee she will be at this house that night and he will be in her pants faster than you can say Labradoodle.

I really think that this is where I currently am on the issue. I have no problem with him coming over to pick up the dog for the weekend. I have no problem with them communicating about issues related to the dog. I really don't even have a problem if they want to grab lunch together on rare occasions. But I think that I should draw a line saying that I don't think it is appropriate for them to have dinner together, for him to come over and hang out at her place, and for them to text regularly. I think that is a pretty reasonable position. If she tries to push back on that too much, then I think I will just have to tell her that it is not going to work for me and move on.

If you can actually follow through on this, this is the way to go my friend.

KEep us posted.

 

[General Malaise]

Can we get a picture in here? I need to see visual representation here before rendering a verdict. I'll put up with a lot of crap for a hot girl. But anything less than a Shuke 7.5 and there's not a chance in hell I put up with the klingon.

Unless she does that thing to you her ex taught her that you like so much of course.

 

[Bucky86]

Set the ex up with some hot girl or at least mention that you have someone in mind for him and see if your girl friend shows any signs of caring. Proceed based on that answer.

OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH.........YOU SHOW HER!!!!!!!!

 

[eoMMan]

You could tell her that anal is very reassuring.

She did say she's been completely open about the situation.

 

[Rick James]

Tell her you don't mind sharing the dog, but the dinners/texting friendship aspect of things is just too weird for you and you don't like it.

You'd like that part to stop if she wants to stay with you. If she has NO feelings for him in a a love/sexual way, it'll be a no brainer for her. If she fights it, refuses, gets mad at you, doesn't consider your feelings, she does have some lingering sexual or love feelings for him and you should run for the hills anyway.

It's really that simple. Be prepared to hold your ground and pack your stuff

And if you do, I guarantee she will be at this house that night and he will be in her pants faster than you can say Labradoodle.

I really think that this is where I currently am on the issue. I have no problem with him coming over to pick up the dog for the weekend. I have no problem with them communicating about issues related to the dog. I really don't even have a problem if they want to grab lunch together on rare occasions. But I think that I should draw a line saying that I don't think it is appropriate for them to have dinner together, for him to come over and hang out at her place, and for them to text regularly. I think that is a pretty reasonable position. If she tries to push back on that too much, then I think I will just have to tell her that it is not going to work for me and move on.

I think this is still conceding too much. Your GF dated this dude for 6 years. You think they're chatting about game of thrones when he comes over to "play with the dog"? Why is going out to lunch cool but dinner isn't? What's stopping them from banging one out then?

6 years dude

 

[General Malaise]

How does she respond to your concerns about this? Blow it off? Minimize it? Get mad?

She is generally a pretty reasonable person. Here was her text message from this morning:

"[buckfast], I know you're so angry about the [ex-boyfriend] thing, and I do see your side of it - but also, I do feel like I've been completely open with you since the beginning about what it was, and for a long time you told me you didn't care. So I totally understand that I have probably been insensitive to your feelings but also I feel like I've been getting some mixed messages from you on how you want me to handle it. But I really don't want to fight about it any more and I am completely willing to listen to what would make you comfortable."

she's practically begging you to tell her to knock it off.

I don't see it this way at all. Frankly she probably has a valid point because it sounds like Buckfast probably initially expressed to her that he was cool with it but then lately has been making comments suggesting he's not. It sounds like she's looking for clarity so she can re-evaluate.

Probably because when they first discussed it:

A) The relationship was brand new and she could have told him about ties to the KKK and he would have said "No problem" as long as he got to have regular sex with her

B) She probably didn't disclose that picking up the dog for shared custody meant regular dinners, 'hanging out' and the disclosure of personal details of their relationship

C) Despite opinions to the contrary, men are ALSO entitled to changing their minds and opinions on matters. This is not proprietary to the female gender.

 

[Buckfast 1]

How does she respond to your concerns about this? Blow it off? Minimize it? Get mad?

She is generally a pretty reasonable person. Here was her text message from this morning:

"[buckfast], I know you're so angry about the [ex-boyfriend] thing, and I do see your side of it - but also, I do feel like I've been completely open with you since the beginning about what it was, and for a long time you told me you didn't care. So I totally understand that I have probably been insensitive to your feelings but also I feel like I've been getting some mixed messages from you on how you want me to handle it. But I really don't want to fight about it any more and I am completely willing to listen to what would make you comfortable."

That is a pretty damn reasonable text message.

Yeah, she is definitely one of the most reasonable and logical women that I have ever met. It is a huge change from what I was used to in the past. It can be a little annoying at times because she is really good at calling me out when I am being unreasonable or illogical. That's one of the reasons I felt like I needed to brainstorm through this with the FFA because if there any logical gaps in my argument, she will definitely expose them.

 

[comfortably numb]

Yeah, she is definitely one of the most reasonable and logical women that I have ever met. It is a huge change from what I was used to in the past. It can be a little annoying at times because she is really good at calling me out when I am being unreasonable or illogical. That's one of the reasons I felt like I needed to brainstorm through this with the FFA because if there any logical gaps in my argument, she will definitely expose them.

Nothing illogical about changing your mind.

I thought i would be OK with it but it is bothering me now.

 

[Buckfast 1]

Set the ex up with some hot girl or at least mention that you have someone in mind for him and see if your girl friend shows any signs of caring. Proceed based on that answer.

I think her ex-boyfriend recently started dating some doctor. He called to tell my girlfriend about her while I was with her. She seemed excited for him, and I think she truly wants him to find a new girlfriend. I think she genuinely cares about him as a person, but I don't think she has any desire or interest in any future romantic relationship with him.

 

[ChiefD]

Been sitting here in the office, reading the responses, thinking about being married with three kids, the responsibilities, mortgage payment, soccer practices, waking up in the middle of the night to one of the kids vomiting, never sleeping in on weekends for nine years, worried about how to pay for college, coming home to by dog's diarrhea on the carpet....and thinking to myself....what would I do in that situation?

YOU'RE SINGLE. DUMP HER AND GO GET SOME MORE HIGH QUALITY POONANY. DO IT FOR ME. DO IT FOR ALL OF US!!!!!!

 

[Mr. Pickles]

She needs to grow up. Adults don't stay friends with exes.

 

[Buckfast 1]

How does she respond to your concerns about this? Blow it off? Minimize it? Get mad?

She is generally a pretty reasonable person. Here was her text message from this morning:

"[buckfast], I know you're so angry about the [ex-boyfriend] thing, and I do see your side of it - but also, I do feel like I've been completely open with you since the beginning about what it was, and for a long time you told me you didn't care. So I totally understand that I have probably been insensitive to your feelings but also I feel like I've been getting some mixed messages from you on how you want me to handle it. But I really don't want to fight about it any more and I am completely willing to listen to what would make you comfortable."

she's practically begging you to tell her to knock it off.

I don't see it this way at all. Frankly she probably has a valid point because it sounds like Buckfast probably initially expressed to her that he was cool with it but then lately has been making comments suggesting he's not. It sounds like she's looking for clarity so she can re-evaluate.

Probably because when they first discussed it:A) The relationship was brand new and she could have told him about ties to the KKK and he would have said "No problem" as long as he got to have regular sex with her

B) She probably didn't disclose that picking up the dog for shared custody meant regular dinners, 'hanging out' and the disclosure of personal details of their relationship

C) Despite opinions to the contrary, men are ALSO entitled to changing their minds and opinions on matters. This is not proprietary to the female gender.

Yeah, I told her from the beginning that I didn't have a problem with her being friends with her ex because I knew they shared a dog, and I wasn't going to try to interfere with him seeing the dog. I also share a dog with my ex, so I was in a similar position at the time. However, since that time, I realized that an ongoing friendship with my ex wasn't going to be feasible, so I have basically cut my ex out of my life completely (except for a brief dog exchange maybe once every month or two). I have learned over time that my girlfriend and ex's friendship is closer than what I initially expected. I think my evolving position on the ex-boyfriend is definitely justified by the increasing seriousness of our own relationship and the more-than-expected contact she has with him.

 

[rockaction]

Aren't you the one with the crazy, hot former Maxim girl or something? Kudos to you on ditching her and finding a logical, fantastic girl.

So don't let illogic ruin it. I was the ex-BF in this situation (sans dog). I was NOT banging the ex-gf -- she was just one of my most trusted confidantes and best friends. I wouldn't feel as jealous nor as bad as people are making you feel.

And your discomfort with the whole situation? Face it -- it comes from the possibility of them banging, otherwise there's absolutely no problem.

 

[Bucky86]

She needs to grow up. Adults don't stay friends with exes.

 

[McGarnicle]

She needs to grow up. Adults don't stay friends with exes.

/thread