My girlfriend is close friends with her ex-boyfriend (1 Viewer)

[Village Idiot]

Have you considered talking to the ex-bf?

Or mowing his lawn?

This is a euphimism right?

 

[Harry Manback]

Someone explained this "shared dog" thing? Is this like Woz paying for his ex's cell phone?

I imagine, for some reason, both parties became attached to the dog and didn't want to never see it again.

Strange concept for a heartless, backstabbing, itsy-bitsy-spider to understand.

Spiders don't stab, they bite.

Bitey little *******.

 

[Ditka Butkus]

It's the ongoing joint cell phone plan that really gets you in trouble.

She paid for her ex-boyfriend's cell phone plan for over a year after they broke up. Oh god, am I dating Woz?!? He repaid her by cleaning her bathrooms every month. While I got some slight enjoyment that her ex was scrubbing my fecal matter from the inside the toilet bowl, I eventually told her that arrangment needed to stop, so she eventually cut him off of her plan.

Ok now you are losing me. Her ex-boyfriend was required to clean her bathroom?

 

[SacramentoBob]

Have you considered talking to the ex-bf?

Or mowing his lawn?

This is a euphimism right?

Knowing Sheik? Absolutely not.

 

[SacramentoBob]

It's the ongoing joint cell phone plan that really gets you in trouble.

She paid for her ex-boyfriend's cell phone plan for over a year after they broke up. Oh god, am I dating Woz?!? He repaid her by cleaning her bathrooms every month. While I got some slight enjoyment that her ex was scrubbing my fecal matter from the inside the toilet bowl, I eventually told her that arrangment needed to stop, so she eventually cut him off of her plan.

It was only a matter of time before he came out.

 

[McGarnicle]

I've never looked at her phone to see what type of things she texts with her ex-boyfriend, but I would interested to see them and I could easily do so if I wanted without her knowing. But that just feels way too much like the type of thing that my crazy ex would do.Do you think I should ask her tonight if I could see the texts from her ex-boyfriend, as that might put me more at ease about the nature of their relationship? She has asked to see emails from my ex, and I have showed them to her. If she resists, that is another thing that I think would make me walk.I'm just kind of on the fence about whether I should ask to see the text messages. It's not something that I would normally do.

Just tell her you're not comfortable with their relationship. Most people wouldn't be, and I think any expert on the subject would say it's not healthy for her to still be friends with the guy. If she can't break off contact, I don't see how you can stay with her and not keep getting more and more annoyed.

 

[Village Idiot]

You're supposed to make a list of pros and cons of dating her and then post them here for us to decide.

This needs to be a poll or a pole even, maybe.

 

[Harry Manback]

I've never looked at her phone to see what type of things she texts with her ex-boyfriend, but I would interested to see them and I could easily do so if I wanted without her knowing. But that just feels way too much like the type of thing that my crazy ex would do.Do you think I should ask her tonight if I could see the texts from her ex-boyfriend, as that might put me more at ease about the nature of their relationship? She has asked to see emails from my ex, and I have showed them to her. If she resists, that is another thing that I think would make me walk.I'm just kind of on the fence about whether I should ask to see the text messages. It's not something that I would normally do.

Just tell her you're not comfortable with their relationship. Most people wouldn't be, and I think any expert on the subject would say it's not healthy for her to still be friends with the guy. If she can't break off contact, I don't see how you can stay with her and not keep getting more and more annoyed.

I can't emphasize how wrong this is.

Asking someone to break off all contact is insane, controlling and she'd be smart to dump HIM.

Now, saying something like GM proposed, is fine. Suggesting contact be eased back, less phone calls/dinners/playdates with the dog at her house is one thing.

But to give an ultimatum of "No contact" is silly and childish.

 

[gianmarco]

I really don't even have a problem if they want to grab lunch together on rare occasions. But I think that I should draw a line saying that I don't think it is appropriate for them to have dinner together

Wha??!?

How do you feel about breakfast? Midafternoon snacks? WTF does the type of meal matter here?

 

[Card Trader]

She may not be sleeping with him, but he definitely wants to. No other reason for him to put in that time and effort.

Or they didn't have a nasty break up and just misses the damn dog?

They take the dog to dinner with them?

 

[Bucky86]

She may not be sleeping with him, but he definitely wants to. No other reason for him to put in that time and effort.

Or they didn't have a nasty break up and just misses the damn dog?

They take the dog to dinner with them?

Denver is a pretty outdoorsy city. I wonder if they have cafes that allow you to dine with your dog outside?

 

[jonessed]

Yeah a chick with joint custody of a dog is reasonable.

Millenials confuse me with some of their weird ####, but I've learned to just let it be.

 

[Idiot Boxer]

I'd tell her you're not comfortable with them doing "date-like" things together.

Maybe suggest a double date if she wants to eat food with the guy.

 

[jonessed]

It's the ongoing joint cell phone plan that really gets you in trouble.

She paid for her ex-boyfriend's cell phone plan for over a year after they broke up. Oh god, am I dating Woz?!? He repaid her by cleaning her bathrooms every month. While I got some slight enjoyment knowing that her ex was scrubbing my fecal matter from the inside the toilet bowl, I eventually told her that arrangment needed to stop, so she eventually cut him off of her plan.

WTF?

 

[Rick James]

actually that's a great idea. next time the GF brings up the dinner date with this schmuck, ask if she minds if you tag along. if she puts up a fit, cancels it, or reschedules it to a time you're unavailable then that's a pretty big red flag.

 

[Buckfast 1]

It's the ongoing joint cell phone plan that really gets you in trouble.

She paid for her ex-boyfriend's cell phone plan for over a year after they broke up. Oh god, am I dating Woz?!? He repaid her by cleaning her bathrooms every month. While I got some slight enjoyment that her ex was scrubbing my fecal matter from the inside the toilet bowl, I eventually told her that arrangment needed to stop, so she eventually cut him off of her plan.

Ok now you are losing me. Her ex-boyfriend was required to clean her bathroom?

Yeah, that is how he paid her back for paying his cell phone. He has some kind of low-level retail job working at REI, so I guess he preferred to pay his bills with manual labor rather than actual money if possible. The upside of that arrangement is that I can always accurately refer to him as "the toilet cleaning #####."

 

[Bucky86]

actually that's a great idea. next time the GF brings up the dinner date with this schmuck, ask if she minds if you tag along. if she puts up a fit, cancels it, or reschedules it to a time you're unavailable then that's a pretty big red flag.

Thats actually not a bad idea. Act alpha and let this dude know you don't give a ####. Don't be a beta #####.

 

[smotherhook]

sack up bro! I would end it tonight.

 

[rockaction]

Nobody lawyered this thread appropriately. The cell phone thing? Yikes. My ex that I was talking about worked at Sprint and I didn't get that arrangement when we broke up.

 

[Buckfast 1]

I really don't even have a problem if they want to grab lunch together on rare occasions. But I think that I should draw a line saying that I don't think it is appropriate for them to have dinner together

Wha??!?

How do you feel about breakfast? Midafternoon snacks? WTF does the type of meal matter here?

I feel like there is a difference between having a mid-day lunch at a restaurant and having dinner over at her place. I suppose it just seems less likely to lead to something inappropriate.

 

[fantasycurse42]

It's the ongoing joint cell phone plan that really gets you in trouble.

She paid for her ex-boyfriend's cell phone plan for over a year after they broke up. Oh god, am I dating Woz?!? He repaid her by cleaning her bathrooms every month. While I got some slight enjoyment knowing that her ex was scrubbing my fecal matter from the inside the toilet bowl, I eventually told her that arrangment needed to stop, so she eventually cut him off of her plan.

Cornerstones of a healthy relationship right here IMO.

 

[SeveredHorseHeads]

What is this joint custody of dogs with the ex thing? Is this common, or as common as you two each seem to make it. One person gets the pet and the other gets a new one. Ongoing custody exchanges with the ex seem insane to me, but perhaps I just lack the sensitivity to see going through that headache.

I'm not getting this either. "They have a dog together.." It's not a kid, it's a dog.

 

[Idiot Boxer]

actually that's a great idea. next time the GF brings up the dinner date with this schmuck, ask if she minds if you tag along. if she puts up a fit, cancels it, or reschedules it to a time you're unavailable then that's a pretty big red flag.

Thats actually not a bad idea. Act alpha and let this dude know you don't give a ####. Don't be a beta #####.

Don't act alpha. Be alpha. And don't wait for her to plan the next outing with him and ask if you can "tag along"

Suggest it outright to your girlfriend. Plan a double date.

And then, when you go...don't act possessive or threatening. Get this...just go, have fun...laugh.

That will really show em.

 

[Wrigley]

Do they go camping together?

 

[Rick James]

lmao so they aren't dinner dates at restaurants. he comes over to her place and "eats dinner". prior to this they had been dating for 6 years.

and the GF is totally shocked that you aren't ok with this, as are some idiots on this forum.

hilarious

 

[Harry Manback]

lmao so they aren't dinner dates at restaurants. he comes over to her place and "eats dinner". prior to this they had been dating for 6 years.

and the GF is totally shocked that you aren't ok with this, as are some idiots on this forum.

hilarious

I'm not sure a single person, his gf included, is "totally shocked" he isn't ok with this.

 

[jonessed]

I really don't even have a problem if they want to grab lunch together on rare occasions. But I think that I should draw a line saying that I don't think it is appropriate for them to have dinner together

Wha??!?

How do you feel about breakfast? Midafternoon snacks? WTF does the type of meal matter here?

I feel like there is a difference between having a mid-day lunch at a restaurant and having dinner over at her place. I suppose it just seems less likely to lead to something inappropriate.

That really doesn't make sense. If they are close enough to have sex it's going to happen eventually, whether it's over lunch or over dinner. It's really just a product of frequency of contact.

 

[Idiot Boxer]

I really don't even have a problem if they want to grab lunch together on rare occasions. But I think that I should draw a line saying that I don't think it is appropriate for them to have dinner together

Wha??!?

How do you feel about breakfast? Midafternoon snacks? WTF does the type of meal matter here?

I feel like there is a difference between having a mid-day lunch at a restaurant and having dinner over at her place. I suppose it just seems less likely to lead to something inappropriate.

That really doesn't make sense. If they are close enough to have sex it's going to happen eventually, whether it's over lunch or over dinner. It's really just a product of frequency of contact.

If they're going to have sex, demanding that they cease all contact is probably more likely to march them down that path than allowing her some trust and freedom...

 

[fantasycurse42]

actually that's a great idea. next time the GF brings up the dinner date with this schmuck, ask if she minds if you tag along. if she puts up a fit, cancels it, or reschedules it to a time you're unavailable then that's a pretty big red flag.

Thats actually not a bad idea. Act alpha and let this dude know you don't give a ####. Don't be a beta #####.

Don't act alpha. Be alpha. And don't wait for her to plan the next outing with him and ask if you can "tag along"

Suggest it outright to your girlfriend. Plan a double date.

And then, when you go...don't act possessive or threatening. Get this...just go, have fun...laugh.

That will really show em.

At the end of dinner, pull out a video camera and let him know you are totally cool with him still working her over, you would just like to film it...

 

[NCCommish]

The insecurity is thick in here

 

[Harry Manback]

I really don't even have a problem if they want to grab lunch together on rare occasions. But I think that I should draw a line saying that I don't think it is appropriate for them to have dinner together

Wha??!?

How do you feel about breakfast? Midafternoon snacks? WTF does the type of meal matter here?

I feel like there is a difference between having a mid-day lunch at a restaurant and having dinner over at her place. I suppose it just seems less likely to lead to something inappropriate.

That really doesn't make sense. If they are close enough to have sex it's going to happen eventually, whether it's over lunch or over dinner. It's really just a product of frequency of contact.

There's 100% a difference between going to lunch with a girl vs dinner.

After dinner you get drinks, after drinks you go back to their place.

After lunch you typically go your separate ways.

 

[Buckfast 1]

What is this joint custody of dogs with the ex thing? Is this common, or as common as you two each seem to make it. One person gets the pet and the other gets a new one. Ongoing custody exchanges with the ex seem insane to me, but perhaps I just lack the sensitivity to see going through that headache.

I'm not getting this either. "They have a dog together.." It's not a kid, it's a dog.

A lot of people say this, but we both love our dogs as if they were our children. We both entered the relationship in a similar situation with dogs that we had for 7-8 years with our exes. I have been really struggling with trying to decide whether I should continue trying to see my dog because it offers my insane ex an opportunity to cause additional conflict in my life and she willing uses those opportunities to do so. I'm still on the fence about it, but right now I think that being able to spend time with my dog for a weekend outweighs the downside of having to briefly see my crazy ex to pick him up. Some people who really love their dogs understand, but a lot of people don't.

 

[Bull Dozier]

I thought the weirdest thing about this thread was that people who aren't married are buying dogs together, and then have vistiation schedules after they break up. But, the ex cleaning the bathroom in exchange for cell service takes the cake. First of all, who wants a guy cleaning their bathroom?

 

[jonessed]

I really don't even have a problem if they want to grab lunch together on rare occasions. But I think that I should draw a line saying that I don't think it is appropriate for them to have dinner together

Wha??!?

How do you feel about breakfast? Midafternoon snacks? WTF does the type of meal matter here?

I feel like there is a difference between having a mid-day lunch at a restaurant and having dinner over at her place. I suppose it just seems less likely to lead to something inappropriate.

That really doesn't make sense. If they are close enough to have sex it's going to happen eventually, whether it's over lunch or over dinner. It's really just a product of frequency of contact.

If they're going to have sex, demanding that they cease all contact is probably more likely to march them down that path than allowing her some trust and freedom...

Where did I say he should demand they cease all contact?

 

[rockaction]

My friend is an Xer who had "joint custody" of his shelter pit while living in NYC.

It's not generational, it's cultural. Still, SMH at all you dog people who can't stay together for your Maxes, Jacksons, and Fidos.

 

[CBusAlex]

It's the ongoing joint cell phone plan that really gets you in trouble.

She paid for her ex-boyfriend's cell phone plan for over a year after they broke up. Oh god, am I dating Woz?!? He repaid her by cleaning her bathrooms every month. While I got some slight enjoyment that her ex was scrubbing my fecal matter from the inside the toilet bowl, I eventually told her that arrangment needed to stop, so she eventually cut him off of her plan.

Ok now you are losing me. Her ex-boyfriend was required to clean her bathroom?

So they break up. They've got this cell phone plan and now, he has absolutely no money. There's no way that he can pay her. So the judge decrees that he becomes her butler.

 

[jonessed]

I really don't even have a problem if they want to grab lunch together on rare occasions. But I think that I should draw a line saying that I don't think it is appropriate for them to have dinner together

Wha??!?

How do you feel about breakfast? Midafternoon snacks? WTF does the type of meal matter here?

I feel like there is a difference between having a mid-day lunch at a restaurant and having dinner over at her place. I suppose it just seems less likely to lead to something inappropriate.

That really doesn't make sense. If they are close enough to have sex it's going to happen eventually, whether it's over lunch or over dinner. It's really just a product of frequency of contact.

There's 100% a difference between going to lunch with a girl vs dinner.After dinner you get drinks, after drinks you go back to their place.

After lunch you typically go your separate ways.

I've gone out for drinks after lunch and gone home after dinner.

 

[Idiot Boxer]

I really don't even have a problem if they want to grab lunch together on rare occasions. But I think that I should draw a line saying that I don't think it is appropriate for them to have dinner together

Wha??!?

How do you feel about breakfast? Midafternoon snacks? WTF does the type of meal matter here?

I feel like there is a difference between having a mid-day lunch at a restaurant and having dinner over at her place. I suppose it just seems less likely to lead to something inappropriate.

That really doesn't make sense. If they are close enough to have sex it's going to happen eventually, whether it's over lunch or over dinner. It's really just a product of frequency of contact.

If they're going to have sex, demanding that they cease all contact is probably more likely to march them down that path than allowing her some trust and freedom...

Where did I say he should demand they cease all contact?

What degree of contact should I assume you implied is appropriate?

You find OP's distinction between lunch and dinner laughable. Annual Christmas card? Bi-weekly nod and smiles at the local grocery store? Fist bumps when exchanging the dog custody? What's your tolerance level and how would you communicate that to your girlfriend?

 

[Buckfast 1]

Do they go camping together?

They actually do go hiking together with their dog sometimes, but no camping. I better not get Man in the Yellow Hat'd in a trailhead bathroom.

 

[Harry Manback]

I thought the weirdest thing about this thread was that people who aren't married are buying dogs together, and then have vistiation schedules after they break up. But, the ex cleaning the bathroom in exchange for cell service takes the cake. First of all, who wants a guy cleaning their bathroom?

Certainly not my GF.

She basically has gotten to the point where she has to "re-clean" everything I clean and has asked me to not clean anymore.

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED

 

[fantasycurse42]

Can we look at this rationally without every ####### in here accusing someone of being a ##### or someone else insecure:

• They still enjoy being together
• They share secrets and ask each other for advice
• They still had a financial connection for a while after the breakup
• They still do a lot of activities together

Why did their relationship end? This is important...

It has nothing to do with insecurities, it has to do with rationale thinking, which leads me to believe there is still some unfinished business here (and clearly the OP has his concerns too)... Just my

 

[jonessed]

I really don't even have a problem if they want to grab lunch together on rare occasions. But I think that I should draw a line saying that I don't think it is appropriate for them to have dinner together

Wha??!?

How do you feel about breakfast? Midafternoon snacks? WTF does the type of meal matter here?

I feel like there is a difference between having a mid-day lunch at a restaurant and having dinner over at her place. I suppose it just seems less likely to lead to something inappropriate.

That really doesn't make sense. If they are close enough to have sex it's going to happen eventually, whether it's over lunch or over dinner. It's really just a product of frequency of contact.

If they're going to have sex, demanding that they cease all contact is probably more likely to march them down that path than allowing her some trust and freedom...

Where did I say he should demand they cease all contact?

What degree of contact should I assume you implied is appropriate?You find OP's distinction between lunch and dinner laughable. Annual Christmas card? Bi-weekly nod and smiles at the local grocery store? Fist bumps when exchanging the dog custody? What's your tolerance level and how would you communicate that to your girlfriend?

That's up to them. I'm just pointing out that the differentiation is silly. I wouldn't focus at all on the type of contact really. If I were in his position I would just ask that it be less frequent.It's not about setting up rules. No good can come of that. It's about expressing that it bothers him and asking her to take it seriously.

 

[Kanil]

She could be telling the truth. And girls don't like guys who are insecure. A little jealously is flattering from time to time, but flat out not trusting or being insecure comes off as unattractive to most women.

I would bet any amount of money that she has not had sex with him since we started dating. She's just not the type of person to lie or cheat. She's probably the most honest and principled person I've ever met. I, of course, knew that the FFA response would be mostly "she's still banging him!", but that has never been my concern at all. I've never accused her of having sex with him or anything like that. I just don't really think it is healthy for our relationship to have him continue to be so involved in her life, even in a completely non-sexual manner.

How would you feel if she was this close to a guy but he was not her ex? And if it was a girl (not her ex either, but in my imagination she's smoking hot and they experimented together a few times)?

 

[Gr00vus]

So the ex is basically carrying about half of your relationship with this chick. I wouldn't be comfortable with that. I doubt it's something that's going to change either, at least not without some resentment on her part. You can let her know how you feel, but I'm thinking this isn't the right relationship for you (or her) long term. If you really want this to work out long term, you're going to have to fill most/all of the roles this other guy is currently filling and see if that reduces her dependency on him. Or you could just try to ignore their relationship.

I'd bail.

 

[Rick James]

how old are both of you?

 

[SIDA!]

And if you do, I guarantee she will be at this house that night and he will be in her pants faster than you can say Labradoodle.

...doodle do...

ROTFLMAO.

 

[SIDA!]

Have you considered talking to the ex-bf?

I know the ex-boyfriend. He seems like a nice enough guy. But if I am going to handle this situation, then I am going to handle it through my girlfriend, not the ex-boyfriend.

Such a new millennium response. First thing you need to ask is what you want from her long term. If she's not marriage material then this guy is picking up some of the BF load for you. Good for him. If you want her long term, you have to get this guy into a violent game of racket ball or some ####. Punch him after he cheats at 8 ball. Take the fight to him bromigo.

Not sure I have ever understood the whole get angry/have a talk with the other person when you have a problem with your partner's cheating or other actions.

 

[Mr. Pickles]

It's the ongoing joint cell phone plan that really gets you in trouble.

She paid for her ex-boyfriend's cell phone plan for over a year after they broke up. Oh god, am I dating Woz?!? He repaid her by cleaning her bathrooms every month. While I got some slight enjoyment knowing that her ex was scrubbing my fecal matter from the inside the toilet bowl, I eventually told her that arrangment needed to stop, so she eventually cut him off of her plan.

Uhh..

 

[SIDA!]

You should take them both out to a very crowded, very dark haunted house.

This would be even funnier if the board nazis didn't delete the confessions thread and make this such an inside joke

 

[mozzy84]

both of you just buy new pets already and move on...