My wife, she's... overweight. (4 Viewers)

[jamny]

I doubt she was just evenly 100 and is now 200.

Probably was 110 and is now 185

 

[Sabertooth]

Sorry you are going through this. But you need to realize this will be your life for the next 30 years if you don't change it one way or another.

 

[Pipes]

5-0 200. Thats at the range where you are looking at most 5-10 more years anyways. That's basically near death.

Sort of calling b.s. here. That's damn near impossible unless eating was her job.

Also for sure a candidate for wls.

Dude you need to kind of, you know, #### off here.

Let's say she had 15% bf at 100. And you can assume that stayed and she added another 100 pounds of pure fat. That has her at 55-60% fat. Once you push past 50% (which is damn hard to do as a woman) your end of life clock starts ticking hard. Your liver or your heart or both start to fail.

I just don't think it's possible for someone to go that far off the rails. Either she's not really 200 and more like 175 or this whole thing is fishy.

I mean Otis would need to be in the 420 range to be roughly equal here.

He's likely guessing her weight. If she let herself go that bad I highly doubt she's standing on a scale and if she is she's not letting Vegas watch.

 

[NREC34]

Missed opportunity to tell her you would just like to be able to find the hole.

Sorry...i think you need a laugh.

Also....get out.

Flour works pretty well

 

[jwb]

Spurred on by you guys I mentioned the sex thing. We were sitting on the couch and we out of the blue decided to lay down together. Just feeling that touch again made me excited; its been a loooong time. So I said I would like to have sex again.

And it went straight downhill.

It started out as an OK, frank discussion. And ended with me getting unfairly called out. Essentially "you are still repulsed by me and I am just an available hole."

This AFTER i explained that it would be good forums, and I wanted us to get closer and start to move forward.

It ended in a fight.

I went into my bedroom and just broke down for a few minutes. Sad, angry and depressed. At the end of the discussion I said "I just can't win."

A few minutes ago (all of this Just happened) she came up and apologized. But I am not bringing it up again.

Still trapped...

I'm a bit puzzled as to why you even started a discussion? Just go w/ what started.

 

[sdp1226]

Desperation is a stinky cologne.

 

[the moops]

jesus ####### hell people. whether she was exactly 100 pounds then, or exactly 200 pounds now, is ####### irrelevant.

 

[McGarnicle]

I doubt she was just evenly 100 and is now 200.

Probably was 110 and is now 185

Was 170, now 185 imo.

 

[matuski]

back off a bit guys.

 

[jamny]

jesus ####### hell people. whether she was exactly 100 pounds then, or exactly 200 pounds now, is ####### irrelevant.

Damn, you went from 0-100 really quick.

 

[the moops]

jesus ####### hell people. whether she was exactly 100 pounds then, or exactly 200 pounds now, is ####### irrelevant.

Damn, you went from 0-100 really quick.

Well, that's better than 100-200

 

[spreagle]

"I just can't win"

Yes you can. There is always a path to win. Assymetric warfare, not frank discussions, is how you win this battle. Take out a HUGE life insurance policy on both of you then immediately begin a crash course on improving your health, run every morning, sign up for the gym, full liquor bottles on the curb for garbage pickup, eat better, etc. Make it clear through your actions that YOU intend to be the one that eventually collects that 10 million, not her. She won't be able to stand the thought of you "winning", and will have no choice but to improve her health.

 

[mr roboto]

Missed opportunity to tell her you would just like to be able to find the hole.

Sorry...i think you need a laugh.

Also....get out.

 

[mr roboto]

"I just can't win"

Yes you can. There is always a path to win. Assymetric warfare, not frank discussions, is how you win this battle. Take out a HUGE life insurance policy on both of you then immediately begin a crash course on improving your health, run every morning, sign up for the gym, full liquor bottles on the curb for garbage pickup, eat better, etc. Make it clear through your actions that YOU intend to be the one that eventually collects that 10 million, not her. She won't be able to stand the thought of you "winning", and will have no choice but to improve her health.

 

[Vegasman]

5-0 200. Thats at the range where you are looking at most 5-10 more years anyways. That's basically near death.

Sort of calling b.s. here. That's damn near impossible unless eating was her job.

Also for sure a candidate for wls.

Dude you need to kind of, you know, #### off here.

Let's say she had 15% bf at 100. And you can assume that stayed and she added another 100 pounds of pure fat. That has her at 55-60% fat. Once you push past 50% (which is damn hard to do as a woman) your end of life clock starts ticking hard. Your liver or your heart or both start to fail.

I just don't think it's possible for someone to go that far off the rails. Either she's not really 200 and more like 175 or this whole thing is fishy.

I mean Otis would need to be in the 420 range to be roughly equal here.

He's likely guessing her weight. If she let herself go that bad I highly doubt she's standing on a scale and if she is she's not letting Vegas watch.

I was going to say exactly that. I assumed we all knew these weren't meant to be exact. She refuses to tell me.

 

[mr roboto]

5-0 200. Thats at the range where you are looking at most 5-10 more years anyways. That's basically near death.

Sort of calling b.s. here. That's damn near impossible unless eating was her job.

Also for sure a candidate for wls.

Dude you need to kind of, you know, #### off here.

Let's say she had 15% bf at 100. And you can assume that stayed and she added another 100 pounds of pure fat. That has her at 55-60% fat. Once you push past 50% (which is damn hard to do as a woman) your end of life clock starts ticking hard. Your liver or your heart or both start to fail.I just don't think it's possible for someone to go that far off the rails. Either she's not really 200 and more like 175 or this whole thing is fishy.

I mean Otis would need to be in the 420 range to be roughly equal here.

He's likely guessing her weight. If she let herself go that bad I highly doubt she's standing on a scale and if she is she's not letting Vegas watch.

I was going to say exactly that. I assumed we all knew these weren't meant to be exact. She refuses to tell me.

Culdeus is very knowledgable about exercise and nutrition and he'll constantly remind you of it.

 

[Vegasman]

I doubt she was just evenly 100 and is now 200.

Probably was 110 and is now 185

Was 170, now 185 imo.

Not even close. But if this is the kind of crap I have to read I will bid you adieu, and say thanks to those who had some empathy and advice.

 

[Otis]

; I feel crappy about the 20lbs I've been on.

20 pounds? we need to at least double that, don't we?

Was 215 when I got married, which is a healthy weight for me. Am 230-235ish now.

 

[matuski]

; I feel crappy about the 20lbs I've been on.

20 pounds? we need to at least double that, don't we?

Was 215 when I got married, which is a healthy weight for me. Am 230-235ish now.

220.... 248 yesterday.

Otis.. help me.

 

[Otis]

; I feel crappy about the 20lbs I've been on.

20 pounds? we need to at least double that, don't we?

Was 215 when I got married, which is a healthy weight for me. Am 230-235ish now.

220.... 248 yesterday.

Otis.. help me.

Let's do this.

 

[dschuler]

5-0 200. Thats at the range where you are looking at most 5-10 more years anyways. That's basically near death.

Sort of calling b.s. here. That's damn near impossible unless eating was her job.

Also for sure a candidate for wls.

Dude you need to kind of, you know, #### off here.

Let's say she had 15% bf at 100. And you can assume that stayed and she added another 100 pounds of pure fat. That has her at 55-60% fat. Once you push past 50% (which is damn hard to do as a woman) your end of life clock starts ticking hard. Your liver or your heart or both start to fail.I just don't think it's possible for someone to go that far off the rails. Either she's not really 200 and more like 175 or this whole thing is fishy.

I mean Otis would need to be in the 420 range to be roughly equal here.

Culdeus - you are totally full of #### here and have no idea what you are talking about. Clearly you live in some kind of bubble where Walmart and Big Lots don't exist. I can go to the store right now and see more than 10 women that are 200+ and 5'0-5'2".

Besides - leave the poor guy alone.

I see worse than this often. I've seen many people leave the military and gain over 50 lbs after their first year and were already overweight to begin with.

 

[jamny]

I doubt she was just evenly 100 and is now 200.

Probably was 110 and is now 185

Was 170, now 185 imo.

Not even close. But if this is the kind of crap I have to read I will bid you adieu, and say thanks to those who had some empathy and advice.

Sorry about the specifics. Just trying to put myself in your shoes and picture that kind of drastic change. We don't have kids so I can't really give you any advice, but good luck.

I hope you get some fun times during the holiday.

 

[Binky The Doormat]

I doubt she was just evenly 100 and is now 200.

Probably was 110 and is now 185

Was 170, now 185 imo.

Not even close. But if this is the kind of crap I have to read I will bid you adieu, and say thanks to those who had some empathy and advice.

Good day sir!!

 

[Invaded?]

Sorry to hear Vegas. Definitely know how you feel.

Don't really feel like an update today. Merry Christmas fellow fbg's.

 

[culdeus]

5-0 200. Thats at the range where you are looking at most 5-10 more years anyways. That's basically near death.

Sort of calling b.s. here. That's damn near impossible unless eating was her job.

Also for sure a candidate for wls.

Dude you need to kind of, you know, #### off here.

Let's say she had 15% bf at 100. And you can assume that stayed and she added another 100 pounds of pure fat. That has her at 55-60% fat. Once you push past 50% (which is damn hard to do as a woman) your end of life clock starts ticking hard. Your liver or your heart or both start to fail.I just don't think it's possible for someone to go that far off the rails. Either she's not really 200 and more like 175 or this whole thing is fishy.

I mean Otis would need to be in the 420 range to be roughly equal here.

Culdeus - you are totally full of #### here and have no idea what you are talking about. Clearly you live in some kind of bubble where Walmart and Big Lots don't exist. I can go to the store right now and see more than 10 women that are 200+ and 5'0-5'2".

Besides - leave the poor guy alone.

I'm not saying 200# ers don't exist in that height range but that sort of gain is really unusual. Most likely as others have said she probably went from 115 to 180 or so.

In any situation the health concerns are real.

 

[Niles Standish]

5-0 200. Thats at the range where you are looking at most 5-10 more years anyways. That's basically near death.

Sort of calling b.s. here. That's damn near impossible unless eating was her job.

Also for sure a candidate for wls.

Dude you need to kind of, you know, #### off here.

Let's say she had 15% bf at 100. And you can assume that stayed and she added another 100 pounds of pure fat. That has her at 55-60% fat. Once you push past 50% (which is damn hard to do as a woman) your end of life clock starts ticking hard. Your liver or your heart or both start to fail.

I just don't think it's possible for someone to go that far off the rails. Either she's not really 200 and more like 175 or this whole thing is fishy.

I mean Otis would need to be in the 420 range to be roughly equal here.

Sure the majority of the weight she'd put on would be fat, but it's hard to gain 100 lbs without putting on some muscle. Your body has to have more muscle to carry the weight around. Assume she's very sedentary (and she probably is) she still has the equivalent of a 100 lb weight vest on for 2 or so miles a day.

 

[culdeus]

5-0 200. Thats at the range where you are looking at most 5-10 more years anyways. That's basically near death.

Sort of calling b.s. here. That's damn near impossible unless eating was her job.

Also for sure a candidate for wls.

Dude you need to kind of, you know, #### off here.

Let's say she had 15% bf at 100. And you can assume that stayed and she added another 100 pounds of pure fat. That has her at 55-60% fat. Once you push past 50% (which is damn hard to do as a woman) your end of life clock starts ticking hard. Your liver or your heart or both start to fail.I just don't think it's possible for someone to go that far off the rails. Either she's not really 200 and more like 175 or this whole thing is fishy.

I mean Otis would need to be in the 420 range to be roughly equal here.

Sure the majority of the weight she'd put on would be fat, but it's hard to gain 100 lbs without putting on some muscle. Your body has to have more muscle to carry the weight around. Assume she's very sedentary (and she probably is) she still has the equivalent of a 100 lb weight vest on for 2 or so miles a day.

And as soon as she gets into a negative calorie mode that will evaporate. In a matter of days.

What she has compared to Otis is a totally different ballgame. It's not just full bale for a month or two. To unwind this will take 2-3 years.

 

[Niles Standish]

5-0 200. Thats at the range where you are looking at most 5-10 more years anyways. That's basically near death.

Sort of calling b.s. here. That's damn near impossible unless eating was her job.

Also for sure a candidate for wls.

Dude you need to kind of, you know, #### off here.

Let's say she had 15% bf at 100. And you can assume that stayed and she added another 100 pounds of pure fat. That has her at 55-60% fat. Once you push past 50% (which is damn hard to do as a woman) your end of life clock starts ticking hard. Your liver or your heart or both start to fail.I just don't think it's possible for someone to go that far off the rails. Either she's not really 200 and more like 175 or this whole thing is fishy.

I mean Otis would need to be in the 420 range to be roughly equal here.

Sure the majority of the weight she'd put on would be fat, but it's hard to gain 100 lbs without putting on some muscle. Your body has to have more muscle to carry the weight around. Assume she's very sedentary (and she probably is) she still has the equivalent of a 100 lb weight vest on for 2 or so miles a day.

And as soon as she gets into a negative calorie mode that will evaporate. In a matter of days.

What she has compared to Otis is a totally different ballgame. It's not just full bale for a month or two. To unwind this will take 2-3 years.

Again really not accurate. When you have a calorie deficit you will lose muscle but it's not like you lose muscle and no fat. She would keep some of the excess muscle from carrying extra weight around until she was quite a bit lighter.

 

[netnalp]

5-0 200. Thats at the range where you are looking at most 5-10 more years anyways. That's basically near death.

Sort of calling b.s. here. That's damn near impossible unless eating was her job.

Also for sure a candidate for wls.

You've never seen anyone 5' 200? There are way, way fatter people out there than this. Why is this surprising?

right?

Go to any latino community and you have this all over.....wearing spandex....green spandex.....with a visible thong

It's gotten worse. Now they wear yoga pants that are way to small, stretched so thin that they look like sheer panty hose. :X

 

[Vegasman]

5-0 200. Thats at the range where you are looking at most 5-10 more years anyways. That's basically near death.

Sort of calling b.s. here. That's damn near impossible unless eating was her job.

Also for sure a candidate for wls.

You've never seen anyone 5' 200? There are way, way fatter people out there than this. Why is this surprising?

right?

Go to any latino community and you have this all over.....wearing spandex....green spandex.....with a visible thong

It's gotten worse. Now they wear yoga pants that are way to small, stretched so thin that they look like sheer panty hose. :X

She doesn't do that at least. But it is hard to hide. Size is not the big issue it's shape. She has a fat hourglass figure from behind. Its fat and wide but it's there. Just a HUGE belly though, and fat hanging down on the arms. I have seen big women with nice proportioned figures and they are still sexy. But when you see that big belly whether its 185 or 200 doesn't matter. And it is exacerbated by the fact that almost literally everywhere we go in my town she is the fattest. There is a difference for me between "big" and "fat" and for many others as well I bet.

 

[netnalp]

Done marriage counseling?

 

[flapgreen]

need an invaded? update big time!

Vegasman, you seem like a good dude. Hope it works out. You said that your wife is generally great. Any other areas besides weight where you're really unhappy?

A lot of men would trade their ##### of a wife for one who's overweight but "generally great." You got it all wrong, Vegas.

Absolutely fair to say. Maybe I do have it all wrong. As I have said, it makes me feel like a POS that I feel this way.

Doesn't make you a bad guy or pos to feel that way.

 

[flapgreen]

She's got serious issues, but so do you - go get yourself into a place where you can make rational decisions. If you have any kind of mental health program that's affordable, use it. This whole thing reads "toxic" the way it stands. Y'all are doing zero favors to your kids - hint: they can see how ####ed up things are.

Now we're headed in the right direction.

 

[flapgreen]

I just skimmed the last page. Fortunately, my wife has gained like 5 pounds during the 7 years of our marriage.

If she gained 100 and I was no longer sexually attracted to her, I'd have sex outside of the relationship. Sex is too important to go without.

Advice to Vegasman: If your wife won't keep her self healthy enough to where she is attractive to you, then you shouldn't feel too bad about going outside your marriage to meet your needs. If she is making a conscious choice to be an unattractive fat slob, and refuses to get back to a healthy weight, then she is not fulfilling her part of the matrimonial agreement. That's on her exclusively. Based upon her holding you rejecting a skinny woman's advances against you (really?!?), if you want to stay married, I wouldn't mention your other lovers. Just do what you have to do to get by.

And stop drinking to solve your problem. It won't.

Man this is just awful.

 

[Arizona Ron]

Here's what I would do:

"Honey, I made an appointment at a psychologists office. We're going to go talk openly about our marriage without either of us feeling like we're attacking the other. On a completely unrelated note, I'm also considering a small loan to a young lady I met in a bar the other day."

 

[(HULK)]

I just skimmed the last page. Fortunately, my wife has gained like 5 pounds during the 7 years of our marriage.

If she gained 100 and I was no longer sexually attracted to her, I'd have sex outside of the relationship. Sex is too important to go without.

Advice to Vegasman: If your wife won't keep her self healthy enough to where she is attractive to you, then you shouldn't feel too bad about going outside your marriage to meet your needs. If she is making a conscious choice to be an unattractive fat slob, and refuses to get back to a healthy weight, then she is not fulfilling her part of the matrimonial agreement. That's on her exclusively. Based upon her holding you rejecting a skinny woman's advances against you (really?!?), if you want to stay married, I wouldn't mention your other lovers. Just do what you have to do to get by.

And stop drinking to solve your problem. It won't.

Man this is just awful.

Really? You and I have drastically different perspectives. He didn't marry a fat woman who didn't care about her health or appearance. But that is what he is married to now and she is unwilling to change.

Going without sex for years because his wife is too selfish and lazy to be anything other than a fat slob with obvious control issues (can't control herself, must control him...). That's a no go for him. To be frank, it is unhealthy. Look at the shape this man is in. He's miserable. That's bad for his health, bad for his well being, etc. You're saying he should suffer just because she won't? Yeah, I don't agree with that. At all.

 

[(HULK)]

And, those arm fat wings. Yuck.

 

[Wrighteous Ray]

Really? You and I have drastically different perspectives. He didn't marry a fat woman who didn't care about her health or appearance. But that is what he is married to now and she is unwilling to change.

Going without sex for years because his wife is too selfish and lazy to be anything other than a fat slob with obvious control issues (can't control herself, must control him...). That's a no go for him. To be frank, it is unhealthy. Look at the shape this man is in. He's miserable. That's bad for his health, bad for his well being, etc. You're saying he should suffer just because she won't? Yeah, I don't agree with that. At all.

Yeah, if this is your perspective on why people are overweight I can see why you feel the way you do. I don't think it's a very accurate viewpoint though.

 

[culdeus]

his wife is too selfish and lazy

Yeah, if this is your perspective on why people are overweight I can see why you feel the way you do. I don't think it's a very accurate viewpoint though.

Strange lack of context in this quote. Read in isolation makes him look bad, with the full quote you could see he was talking about the sex angle.

 

[Wrighteous Ray]

his wife is too selfish and lazy

Yeah, if this is your perspective on why people are overweight I can see why you feel the way you do. I don't think it's a very accurate viewpoint though.

Strange lack of context in this quote. Read in isolation makes him look bad, with the full quote you could see he was talking about the sex angle.

OK, I added in the full quote if you think it's important. Usually I try to cut quotes down so that it's obvious what part of a quote I'm responding to.

 

[(HULK)]

I don't want to hijack this thread, but my perspective is that ~98% of morbidly obese people are that way through entirely their own fault. Genes have some play, but they're not the whole story. Add in that the wife was a normal healthy weight on her wedding day, I'm firmly in the camp that her size is entirely her own doing, and her not getting back to a healthy weight is a choice that she is making.

Not saying losing weight is easy, but she's not even trying. Her husband being celibate as a result doesn't even phase her.

Then you take the point (mostly overlooked) that she holds him REJECTING the advances of someone against him. This is a classic person who refuses to control them-self and insists on trying to control everyone else.

So, yeah, in his shoes, I'd leave. Or have extramarital affairs. No way I'd stand pat and be celibate for someone who can't be bothered to care about her husband to even try and change her habits.

ETA: Anyways, my comments are about my snap judgement of her, not all fat people everywhere. She sounds like a piece of work.

 

[James Daulton]

Really? You and I have drastically different perspectives. He didn't marry a fat woman who didn't care about her health or appearance. But that is what he is married to now and she is unwilling to change.

Going without sex for years because his wife is too selfish and lazy to be anything other than a fat slob with obvious control issues (can't control herself, must control him...). That's a no go for him. To be frank, it is unhealthy. Look at the shape this man is in. He's miserable. That's bad for his health, bad for his well being, etc. You're saying he should suffer just because she won't? Yeah, I don't agree with that. At all.

Yeah, if this is your perspective on why people are overweight I can see why you feel the way you do. I don't think it's a very accurate viewpoint though.

You're wrong. The vast vast majority of people are fat because food taste good, is easy to get, cheap to acquire, and people are too lazy to move. That's it.

You're kidding yourself if you think it's any more complicated than that.

 

[James Daulton]

I don't want to hijack this thread, but my perspective is that ~98% of morbidly obese people are that way through entirely their own fault. Genes have some play, but they're not the whole story. Add in that the wife was a normal healthy weight on her wedding day, I'm firmly in the camp that her size is entirely her own doing, and her not getting back to a healthy weight is a choice that she is making.

Not saying losing weight is easy, but she's not even trying. Her husband being celibate as a result doesn't even phase her.

Then you take the point (mostly overlooked) that she holds him REJECTING the advances of someone against him. This is a classic person who refuses to control them-self and insists on trying to control everyone else.

So, yeah, in his shoes, I'd leave. Or have extramarital affairs. No way I'd stand pat and be celibate for someone who can't be bothered to care about her husband to even try and change her habits.

ETA: Anyways, my comments are about my snap judgement of her, not all fat people everywhere. She sounds like a piece of work.

I agree with you. We only have one go-round on this sphere and I'll be damned if I'm wasting it by depriving myself of one of the best things about life. #### that.

 

[Wrighteous Ray]

Just to clarify, I wouldn't judge Vegasman if he decided to leave the marriage or even if he had an extramarital affair. I have a pretty good idea what he's going through and I agree that it is terrible.

With that said, I view obesity as closer to an addiction than anything else. I base this on everything I've read that seems persuasive to me based on my real-life experience. I just don't think I could reconcile my experiences with the view that it's just laziness.

 

[the moops]

If he was married to a crack addict who refused to get help I think we would also be advocating that he leave and/or bang a non crack addict

 

[James Daulton]

Just to clarify, I wouldn't judge Vegasman if he decided to leave the marriage or even if he had an extramarital affair. I have a pretty good idea what he's going through and I agree that it is terrible.

With that said, I view obesity as closer to an addiction than anything else. I base this on everything I've read that seems persuasive to me based on my real-life experience. I just don't think I could reconcile my experiences with the view that it's just laziness.

You're wrong. If it's some addiction, why are people typically in decent shape when they're young (20's), but steadily gain weight as they age? It's because your body needs fewer calories as you age and life becomes way more complicated as you age. Combine that with little desire to move much and you have weight gain. People just don't get addicted all of a sudden.

 

[Cjw_55106]

Just to clarify, I wouldn't judge Vegasman if he decided to leave the marriage or even if he had an extramarital affair. I have a pretty good idea what he's going through and I agree that it is terrible.

With that said, I view obesity as closer to an addiction than anything else. I base this on everything I've read that seems persuasive to me based on my real-life experience. I just don't think I could reconcile my experiences with the view that it's just laziness.

You're wrong. If it's some addiction, why are people typically in decent shape when they're young (20's), but steadily gain weight as they age? It's because your body needs fewer calories as you age and life becomes way more complicated as you age. Combine that with little desire to move much and you have weight gain. People just don't get addicted all of a sudden.

I dont care either way, but one could easily be addicted their whole lives and the weight gain doesnt start until their metabolism slows down as they get older.

Also, Im sure some people get addicted later in lives as they get depressed and food becomes their "cure".

 

[Wrighteous Ray]

If he was married to a crack addict who refused to get help I think we would also be advocating that he leave and/or bang a non crack addict

Right, my objection was to the "lazy and selfish" characterization, or even worse, (HULK)'s notion that she is deliberately choosing to be overweight. Most of us are sympathetic to people who suffer from forms of addiction and people who who suffer from problems that are not entirely of their own making. People generally aren't sympathetic to those that are merely lazy and selfish. It makes it very easy to justify leaving or cheating if you view her weight gain as deliberate.This conversation has some similarities to one earlier in the thread where we compared the situation to one in which your wife was disfigured in a car accident. I viewed the situation as not identical, but somewhat similar. Other folks wouldn't even entertain the thought that there might be some similarities.

 

[Wrighteous Ray]

Just to clarify, I wouldn't judge Vegasman if he decided to leave the marriage or even if he had an extramarital affair. I have a pretty good idea what he's going through and I agree that it is terrible.

With that said, I view obesity as closer to an addiction than anything else. I base this on everything I've read that seems persuasive to me based on my real-life experience. I just don't think I could reconcile my experiences with the view that it's just laziness.

You're wrong. If it's some addiction, why are people typically in decent shape when they're young (20's), but steadily gain weight as they age? It's because your body needs fewer calories as you age and life becomes way more complicated as you age. Combine that with little desire to move much and you have weight gain. People just don't get addicted all of a sudden.

I don't think any of this is inconsistent with addiction. Lots of addictions grow over time.

 

[Henry Ford]

I don't want to hijack this thread, but my perspective is that ~98% of morbidly obese people are that way through entirely their own fault. Genes have some play, but they're not the whole story. Add in that the wife was a normal healthy weight on her wedding day, I'm firmly in the camp that her size is entirely her own doing, and her not getting back to a healthy weight is a choice that she is making.

Not saying losing weight is easy, but she's not even trying. Her husband being celibate as a result doesn't even phase her.

Then you take the point (mostly overlooked) that she holds him REJECTING the advances of someone against him. This is a classic person who refuses to control them-self and insists on trying to control everyone else.

So, yeah, in his shoes, I'd leave. Or have extramarital affairs. No way I'd stand pat and be celibate for someone who can't be bothered to care about her husband to even try and change her habits.

ETA: Anyways, my comments are about my snap judgement of her, not all fat people everywhere. She sounds like a piece of work.

Or at least only 98%.