My wife, she's... overweight. (4 Viewers)

[Henry Ford]

Also, poster's statement that she's gaining weight predominantly in the belly is a HUGE red flag for hormonal imbalances. It is absolutely not normal to gain a massive amount of weight predominantly in the belly.

Have you not walked around and seen all the middle-aged guys who looked like they were pregnant?

Totally agree with this. Shocking to see how many guys are walking around looking proportioned everywhere else but stomachs looking like they are 8 months along with twins.

And, as noted by culdeus above, it often is related to low testosterone (whether that's related to lack of activity or some other reason.) It's also a high indicator of other, pituitary-related hormonal imbalances.

Serious question Henry, do you really believe that a good portion of the obesity in this country is related to physical issues (like low test/malfunctioning pituitary glands) rather than most simply eating and drinking too much while moving too little?

I believe the overwhelming majority of obesity in this country could be eradicated by diet and exercise if people understood the mechanisms behind the obesity.

 

[James Daulton]

Also, poster's statement that she's gaining weight predominantly in the belly is a HUGE red flag for hormonal imbalances. It is absolutely not normal to gain a massive amount of weight predominantly in the belly.

Have you not walked around and seen all the middle-aged guys who looked like they were pregnant?

Totally agree with this. Shocking to see how many guys are walking around looking proportioned everywhere else but stomachs looking like they are 8 months along with twins.

And, as noted by culdeus above, it often is related to low testosterone (whether that's related to lack of activity or some other reason.) It's also a high indicator of other, pituitary-related hormonal imbalances.

Serious question Henry, do you really believe that a good portion of the obesity in this country is related to physical issues (like low test/malfunctioning pituitary glands) rather than most simply eating and drinking too much while moving too little?

I believe the overwhelming majority of obesity in this country could be eradicated by diet and exercise if people understood the mechanisms behind the obesity.

Like watch your diet and exercise?

 

[Henry Ford]

Also, poster's statement that she's gaining weight predominantly in the belly is a HUGE red flag for hormonal imbalances. It is absolutely not normal to gain a massive amount of weight predominantly in the belly.

Have you not walked around and seen all the middle-aged guys who looked like they were pregnant?

Totally agree with this. Shocking to see how many guys are walking around looking proportioned everywhere else but stomachs looking like they are 8 months along with twins.

And, as noted by culdeus above, it often is related to low testosterone (whether that's related to lack of activity or some other reason.) It's also a high indicator of other, pituitary-related hormonal imbalances.

Serious question Henry, do you really believe that a good portion of the obesity in this country is related to physical issues (like low test/malfunctioning pituitary glands) rather than most simply eating and drinking too much while moving too little?

I believe the overwhelming majority of obesity in this country could be eradicated by diet and exercise if people understood the mechanisms behind the obesity.

Like watch your diet and exercise?

Watch your diet and exercise isn't a mechanism behind obesity. It's a solution to obesity. "Watch your diet" is different for different people. What makes me lose weight might make another person of my same size and weight gain weight based on metabolic rate, muscle mass, age, etc. Which also means I may need to exercise a lot less self control than that person to lose weight.

 

[Mors Venit]

Also, poster's statement that she's gaining weight predominantly in the belly is a HUGE red flag for hormonal imbalances. It is absolutely not normal to gain a massive amount of weight predominantly in the belly.

Have you not walked around and seen all the middle-aged guys who looked like they were pregnant?

Totally agree with this. Shocking to see how many guys are walking around looking proportioned everywhere else but stomachs looking like they are 8 months along with twins.

And, as noted by culdeus above, it often is related to low testosterone (whether that's related to lack of activity or some other reason.) It's also a high indicator of other, pituitary-related hormonal imbalances.

Serious question Henry, do you really believe that a good portion of the obesity in this country is related to physical issues (like low test/malfunctioning pituitary glands) rather than most simply eating and drinking too much while moving too little?

I believe the overwhelming majority of obesity in this country could be eradicated by diet and exercise if people understood the mechanisms behind the obesity.

Like watch your diet and exercise?

Watch your diet and exercise isn't a mechanism behind obesity. It's a solution to obesity. "Watch your diet" is different for different people. What makes me lose weight might make another person of my same size and weight gain weight based on metabolic rate, muscle mass, age, etc. Which also means I may need to exercise a lot less self control than that person to lose weight.

How vast are the differences in peoples metabolisms without having caused damage themselves?

The normal diet is pretty standard isnt it? Everyone should know to move and think every day shouldnt they?

 

[James Daulton]

Also, poster's statement that she's gaining weight predominantly in the belly is a HUGE red flag for hormonal imbalances. It is absolutely not normal to gain a massive amount of weight predominantly in the belly.

Have you not walked around and seen all the middle-aged guys who looked like they were pregnant?

Totally agree with this. Shocking to see how many guys are walking around looking proportioned everywhere else but stomachs looking like they are 8 months along with twins.

And, as noted by culdeus above, it often is related to low testosterone (whether that's related to lack of activity or some other reason.) It's also a high indicator of other, pituitary-related hormonal imbalances.

Serious question Henry, do you really believe that a good portion of the obesity in this country is related to physical issues (like low test/malfunctioning pituitary glands) rather than most simply eating and drinking too much while moving too little?

I believe the overwhelming majority of obesity in this country could be eradicated by diet and exercise if people understood the mechanisms behind the obesity.

Like watch your diet and exercise?

Watch your diet and exercise isn't a mechanism behind obesity. It's a solution to obesity. "Watch your diet" is different for different people. What makes me lose weight might make another person of my same size and weight gain weight based on metabolic rate, muscle mass, age, etc. Which also means I may need to exercise a lot less self control than that person to lose weight.

I believe you're overstating these factors. Holding everything else constant, but changing the age in a TDEE calculator from 30 (2,080 calories) to 50 (1,965 calories) is too minor to be worried about. Muscle mass doesn't burn that many more calories either. Five minutes online can get almost anyone the information they need to be pretty close to the calorie level they'll need to lose weight.

You lawyers love to complicate stuff.

 

[cockroach]

that was a bit of a pun, new fella

https://forums.footballguys.com/forum/index.php?/topic/675134-offdee-scale-official-rating-headquarters/?hl=offdee

2: The ugliest girl in school, the ugliest girl at work (couldn't even get into a club)

http://i280.photobuc... Scale/TOS2.jpg

1: Absolutely disgusting and hard to look at. Young children point and adults look away upon seeing (not one single redeeming quality)

http://i280.photobuc... Scale/TOS1.jpg

How the hell did you manage to bed a 1 and 2? No way could i keep my pistol cocked, locked and ready to rock after that much alcohol.

Were you released from prison that day?

being facetious. I've fkd my share of fatties though

 

[Vegasman]

Spurred on by you guys I mentioned the sex thing. We were sitting on the couch and we out of the blue decided to lay down together. Just feeling that touch again made me excited; its been a loooong time. So I said I would like to have sex again.

And it went straight downhill.

It started out as an OK, frank discussion. And ended with me getting unfairly called out. Essentially "you are still repulsed by me and I am just an available hole."

This AFTER i explained that it would be good forums, and I wanted us to get closer and start to move forward.

It ended in a fight.

I went into my bedroom and just broke down for a few minutes. Sad, angry and depressed. At the end of the discussion I said "I just can't win."

A few minutes ago (all of this Just happened) she came up and apologized. But I am not bringing it up again.

Still trapped...

maaaaaaan... that's terrible. I can definitely see how you feel trapped. I think it's probably time to start forming a solid exit strategy.

But also... what about BJs (blue dots?)? She won't even hook up some oral? If not, what if you put a lil chocolate syrup and whip cream on it and call it a banana spit? That might get you some action.

Made me laugh...

 

[Vegasman]

A few catch up things:

-thyroid is good for 20 or maybe 30 pounds at most. The rest is behavior

-been a bad few days. I am seriously considering the divorce route. But the thought of my daughter's reaction breaks my heart

-yes, I know the argument that "its better for the kids if they don't see a dysfunctional family". Just hard to buy into that. Part of me sees it as an easy justification. And a selfish one.

-we have one shot at life. And I know I am wasting my last good years (probably). And my lack of courage and worry about my kids makes me truly hate my cowardice. And myself.

- I live in NY which is a very punitive state for dads I am told.

- it comes down to: stay for kids vs. get financially ruined vs. having the guts to do what I want vs. probability of wife getting the message vs. being alone permanently vs. duty/sacrifice etc...

And ### ####ed if I cannot make a legit argument for every position, and worse yet: I can justify every position to myself, as in "no matter what I do I am doing the right thing."

I am truly lost...

 

[dparker713]

A few catch up things:

-thyroid is good for 20 or maybe 30 pounds at most. The rest is behavior

-been a bad few days. I am seriously considering the divorce route. But the thought of my daughter's reaction breaks my heart

-yes, I know the argument that "its better for the kids if they don't see a dysfunctional family". Just hard to buy into that. Part of me sees it as an easy justification. And a selfish one.

-we have one shot at life. And I know I am wasting my last good years (probably). And my lack of courage and worry about my kids makes me truly hate my cowardice. And myself.

- I live in NY which is a very punitive state for dads I am told.

- it comes down to: stay for kids vs. get financially ruined vs. having the guts to do what I want vs. probability of wife getting the message vs. being alone permanently vs. duty/sacrifice etc...

And ### ####ed if I cannot make a legit argument for every position, and worse yet: I can justify every position to myself, as in "no matter what I do I am doing the right thing."

I am truly lost...

If she's not interested in sex, why aren't extramarital affairs an option? Either eoth or without her knowledge.

 

[Judge Smails]

A few catch up things:

-thyroid is good for 20 or maybe 30 pounds at most. The rest is behavior

-been a bad few days. I am seriously considering the divorce route. But the thought of my daughter's reaction breaks my heart

-yes, I know the argument that "its better for the kids if they don't see a dysfunctional family". Just hard to buy into that. Part of me sees it as an easy justification. And a selfish one.

-we have one shot at life. And I know I am wasting my last good years (probably). And my lack of courage and worry about my kids makes me truly hate my cowardice. And myself.

- I live in NY which is a very punitive state for dads I am told.

- it comes down to: stay for kids vs. get financially ruined vs. having the guts to do what I want vs. probability of wife getting the message vs. being alone permanently vs. duty/sacrifice etc...

And ### ####ed if I cannot make a legit argument for every position, and worse yet: I can justify every position to myself, as in "no matter what I do I am doing the right thing."

I am truly lost...

Sorry man - that really sucks. I just couldn't stay in a relationship filled with resentment every single day. Life is too short. If it cost me 1/2 of everything I own so be it - it costs me half. I'd find a way to be a great Dad to my kids no matter what (live by them, get ample custody rights, never talk bad about their Mom, etc). I'd find a more giving woman whom I could be happy with.

 

[Ministry of Pain]

A few catch up things:

-thyroid is good for 20 or maybe 30 pounds at most. The rest is behavior

-been a bad few days. I am seriously considering the divorce route. But the thought of my daughter's reaction breaks my heart

-yes, I know the argument that "its better for the kids if they don't see a dysfunctional family". Just hard to buy into that. Part of me sees it as an easy justification. And a selfish one.

-we have one shot at life. And I know I am wasting my last good years (probably). And my lack of courage and worry about my kids makes me truly hate my cowardice. And myself.

- I live in NY which is a very punitive state for dads I am told.

- it comes down to: stay for kids vs. get financially ruined vs. having the guts to do what I want vs. probability of wife getting the message vs. being alone permanently vs. duty/sacrifice etc...

And ### ####ed if I cannot make a legit argument for every position, and worse yet: I can justify every position to myself, as in "no matter what I do I am doing the right thing."

I am truly lost...

They're called hookers, they're very good at their job! Get one and stop crying.

I'm trying to make you smile or snicker. As a horrible father I have had to pay for my mistakes and will continue for the rest of my life. You still have time.

Honestly I know nothing of your plight other than this post, I think babies do a lot to women's bodies and it's not easy for a lot of them to get those figures back. I'm sure your wife is contributing to her own demise. I would ask a few simple questions, forgive me if they been asked already.

-Does she work a full time job? If she does and she is a mom to at least one of your children, you gotta cut her some major slack.

-Are you cooking the meas in the house? Who has control over grocery store or even a private heath chef where the meals are prepared? Or is she just diving into all kinds of sugar/salt/snacks after the cows have long gone home? How serious have you gotten about "teaming" up? Your wife is probably doing everything she can to shut you down from interrogating her or trying to stop her, that's my guess.

Hey man, thanks for being a great dad, better than I was. Can you eek it out a little longer and just find somebody on the side to fill the physical for a while? I'm asking you to go find some strange ### in the name of all us horrible dads that didn't tough it out like you have. Now I'll try to be a better father moving forward but I want you to go out and get laid. Live man Live!

 

[Vegasman]

Selflessness or cowardice?

I have been thinking a lot about this.

Am I "taking one for the team" (kids) or just a coward when it comes to what I want?

Wife says she is "trying" but eats seconds at every meal. And every time she does it is like a middle finger at me.

And a dagger in my heart. I know it is never getting better.

I have thought about finances and I will get screwed.

We have talked about spending time together but every time I look at her all I see is a fat disappointment.

I am at wits end. I feel like I would rather die than tell my kids i no longer love their mom.

Am I a coward? Sometimes (usually) it is "yes." It is hard to think "I am selfish and want what is be is best for my

kid's as a justification for my cowardice."

 

[flapgreen]

A few catch up things:

-thyroid is good for 20 or maybe 30 pounds at most. The rest is behavior

-been a bad few days. I am seriously considering the divorce route. But the thought of my daughter's reaction breaks my heart

-yes, I know the argument that "its better for the kids if they don't see a dysfunctional family". Just hard to buy into that. Part of me sees it as an easy justification. And a selfish one.

-we have one shot at life. And I know I am wasting my last good years (probably). And my lack of courage and worry about my kids makes me truly hate my cowardice. And myself.

- I live in NY which is a very punitive state for dads I am told.

- it comes down to: stay for kids vs. get financially ruined vs. having the guts to do what I want vs. probability of wife getting the message vs. being alone permanently vs. duty/sacrifice etc...

And ### ####ed if I cannot make a legit argument for every position, and worse yet: I can justify every position to myself, as in "no matter what I do I am doing the right thing."

I am truly lost...

They're called hookers, they're very good at their job! Get one and stop crying. I'm trying to make you smile or snicker. As a horrible father I have had to pay for my mistakes and will continue for the rest of my life. You still have time.

Honestly I know nothing of your plight other than this post, I think babies do a lot to women's bodies and it's not easy for a lot of them to get those figures back. I'm sure your wife is contributing to her own demise. I would ask a few simple questions, forgive me if they been asked already.

-Does she work a full time job? If she does and she is a mom to at least one of your children, you gotta cut her some major slack.

-Are you cooking the meas in the house? Who has control over grocery store or even a private heath chef where the meals are prepared? Or is she just diving into all kinds of sugar/salt/snacks after the cows have long gone home? How serious have you gotten about "teaming" up? Your wife is probably doing everything she can to shut you down from interrogating her or trying to stop her, that's my guess.

Hey man, thanks for being a great dad, better than I was. Can you eek it out a little longer and just find somebody on the side to fill the physical for a while? I'm asking you to go find some strange ### in the name of all us horrible dads that didn't tough it out like you have. Now I'll try to be a better father moving forward but I want you to go out and get laid. Live man Live!

Marital advice from Mop. Now we're getting somewhere.

 

[flapgreen]

Selflessness or cowardice?

I have been thinking a lot about this.

Am I "taking one for the team" (kids) or just a coward when it comes to what I want?

Wife says she is "trying" but eats seconds at every meal. And every time she does it is like a middle finger at me.

And a dagger in my heart. I know it is never getting better.

I have thought about finances and I will get screwed.

We have talked about spending time together but every time I look at her all I see is a fat disappointment.

I am at wits end. I feel like I would rather die than tell my kids i no longer love their mom.

Am I a coward? Sometimes (usually) it is "yes." It is hard to think "I am selfish and want what is be is best for my

kid's as a justification for my cowardice."

For better or for worse

 

[flapgreen]

Would be an uproar if females started divorcing their fat ### middle age husbands. 90% of the country would be divorced.

 

[comfortably numb]

Would be an uproar if females started divorcing their fat ### middle age husbands. 90% of the country would be divorced.

In all fairness, they can simply cheat.Get caught?

Oh well...they will still get the kids and half the finances.

Win/win

 

[flapgreen]

If it's that easy, why aren't they doing it? Nothing to lose

 

[DallasDMac]

If it's that easy, why aren't they doing it? Nothing to lose

Honestly? Many are. And they are better at it than men. They don't have that insane need to brag about their conquests.

 

[comfortably numb]

If it's that easy, why aren't they doing it? Nothing to lose

Honestly? Many are. And they are better at it than men. They don't have that insane need to brag about their conquests.

Right.

Men are just more aloof when it comes to seeing potential signs and honing in.

Women on the other hand spot it like a bald eagle spotting a mouse from 4 miles away with just a tail exposed under a tree trunk.

 

[Rirruto]

If it's that easy, why aren't they doing it? Nothing to lose

Um, they are. Everyone is. About 70% of men and 60% of women admit to cheating. Divorce rates are declining, but they're still in the 50% range. In most states, the woman is going to be the "winner" of the divorce. If you can call it that.

nomarriage.com

 

[Cjw_55106]

If it's that easy, why aren't they doing it? Nothing to lose

Um, they are. Everyone is. About 70% of men and 60% of women admit to cheating. Divorce rates are declining, but they're still in the 50% range. In most states, the woman is going to be the "winner" of the divorce. If you can call it that.

nomarriage.com

I don't buy that for a minute.

 

[comfortably numb]

If it's that easy, why aren't they doing it? Nothing to lose

Um, they are. Everyone is. About 70% of men and 60% of women admit to cheating. Divorce rates are declining, but they're still in the 50% range. In most states, the woman is going to be the "winner" of the divorce. If you can call it that.

nomarriage.com

I don't buy that for a minute.

I agree with you but I am also very naive to these things which lead me to believe that perhaps those numbers, while high....might be closer to the reality than what I think the percentage is.

 

[SacramentoBob]

I would be shocked if the cheating stats were under 40%.

 

[Rirruto]

If it's that easy, why aren't they doing it? Nothing to lose

Um, they are. Everyone is. About 70% of men and 60% of women admit to cheating. Divorce rates are declining, but they're still in the 50% range. In most states, the woman is going to be the "winner" of the divorce. If you can call it that.

nomarriage.com

I don't buy that for a minute.

I get that. Remember that's admitted cheaters. The real number is higher.

 

[Rick James]

have you laid it all on the table for her? does she know divorce is a real possibility?

 

[Cjw_55106]

If it's that easy, why aren't they doing it? Nothing to lose

Um, they are. Everyone is. About 70% of men and 60% of women admit to cheating. Divorce rates are declining, but they're still in the 50% range. In most states, the woman is going to be the "winner" of the divorce. If you can call it that.

nomarriage.com

I don't buy that for a minute.

I get that. Remember that's admitted cheaters. The real number is higher.

I'd like to see the stats. The link didn't provide anything but a number. Seems made up to me.

 

[James Daulton]

lol at those stats. I'd guess the number is less than 10%. Cheating is a huge deal that takes the desire, opportunity, and personal ok to pull it off. Plus, why would some middle aged woman just cheat with some other middle aged slob? Have you taken a look at what's walking around out there?

 

[comfortably numb]

lol at those stats. I'd guess the number is less than 10%. Cheating is a huge deal that takes the desire, opportunity, and personal ok to pull it off. Plus, why would some middle aged woman just cheat with some other middle aged slob? Have you taken a look at what's walking around out there?

My guess is this is less about looks and more about attention a woman receives from another male (or female for that matter)

You think less than 10% of married women cheat?

I am very naive to these things and even I think the number is closer to 35-40%

When I say "cheat" I don't mean whoring it up 24/7

I mean in the course of a marriage anywhere from 0-20 years, I would guess almost half have at least had a sexual incident outside their marriage.

 

[Rirruto]

lol at those stats. I'd guess the number is less than 10%. Cheating is a huge deal that takes the desire, opportunity, and personal ok to pull it off. Plus, why would some middle aged woman just cheat with some other middle aged slob? Have you taken a look at what's walking around out there?

The Kinsey Report pegged it at 50% for men and 25% for women...in the 1950s. Why do you think it's gone down so much? Divorce is easier now, but there's got to be something else.

 

[Cjw_55106]

I'm not going to spend much time on it, but a Google search (FWIW) said 21%.

 

[comfortably numb]

I'm not going to spend much time on it, but a Google search (FWIW) said 21%.

Google search also said 87% of women lie.

 

[boots11234]

Selflessness or cowardice?

I have been thinking a lot about this.

Am I "taking one for the team" (kids) or just a coward when it comes to what I want?

Wife says she is "trying" but eats seconds at every meal. And every time she does it is like a middle finger at me.

And a dagger in my heart. I know it is never getting better.

I have thought about finances and I will get screwed.

We have talked about spending time together but every time I look at her all I see is a fat disappointment.

I am at wits end. I feel like I would rather die than tell my kids i no longer love their mom.

Am I a coward? Sometimes (usually) it is "yes." It is hard to think "I am selfish and want what is be is best for my

kid's as a justification for my cowardice."

You're neither. You are however way too hard on yourself. It is absolutely your wife's responsibility to keep herself in shape. Men and women are wired differently. Looks are important to men. Does this mean she needs to maintain a yoga pants body. Of course not and I'm sure you would agree. You'd just like to see her trying. As far as withholding the sex, that's the most awful thing she can do. Men need this affirmation, this is how we understand our women love us. This is how they show us. When she said, you just need a hole. You should have told her no and well yes and explained your needs.

You have fullfilled your part in the bargain. You've already said your going to get the shaft when it comes to the finance. That was your half. Hers is the sex/looks.

You are only given one shot at life. Get out now. Yes you're going to get hammered with the $$$ but who cares, you can't take it with you. If you wait until the kid is 18 and do it, guess what, she will still get it with alamoney. So unfortunately you're screwed either way. Might as well be happy while your getting screwed. Just try to think how happy you will be single again, not putting up with her fat ###, smashing all the desperate older women on match.com. WoW. You'll be swimming in poon. Women's stock crash as they get older. They know this. They will do whatever you want to keep you. You'll be able to meet and smash women in any hole at will.

Instead you sit in you basement wondering if your a coward or selfish. Man up, get out, and smash women. You'll hate yourself if you don't.

 

[comfortably numb]

Selflessness or cowardice?

I have been thinking a lot about this.

Am I "taking one for the team" (kids) or just a coward when it comes to what I want?

Wife says she is "trying" but eats seconds at every meal. And every time she does it is like a middle finger at me.

And a dagger in my heart. I know it is never getting better.

I have thought about finances and I will get screwed.

We have talked about spending time together but every time I look at her all I see is a fat disappointment.

I am at wits end. I feel like I would rather die than tell my kids i no longer love their mom.

Am I a coward? Sometimes (usually) it is "yes." It is hard to think "I am selfish and want what is be is best for my

kid's as a justification for my cowardice."

You're neither. You are however way too hard on yourself. It is absolutely your wife's responsibility to keep herself in shape. Men and women are wired differently. Looks are important to men. Does this mean she needs to maintain a yoga pants body. Of course not and I'm sure you would agree. You'd just like to see her trying. As far as withholding the sex, that's the most awful thing she can do. Men need this affirmation, this is how we understand our women love us. This is how they show us. When she said, you just need a hole. You should have told her no and well yes and explained your needs.

You have fullfilled your part in the bargain. You've already said your going to get the shaft when it comes to the finance. That was your half. Hers is the sex/looks.

You are only given one shot at life. Get out now. Yes you're going to get hammered with the $$$ but who cares, you can't take it with you. If you wait until the kid is 18 and do it, guess what, she will still get it with alamoney. So unfortunately you're screwed either way. Might as well be happy while your getting screwed. Just try to think how happy you will be single again, not putting up with her fat ###, smashing all the desperate older women on match.com. WoW. You'll be swimming in poon. Women's stock crash as they get older. They know this. They will do whatever you want to keep you. You'll be able to meet and smash women in any hole at will.

Instead you sit in you basement wondering if your a coward or selfish. Man up, get out, and smash women. You'll hate yourself if you don't.

I don't think he is going to have enough time to play world of warcraft while he is out smashing all these women

 

[boots11234]

Selflessness or cowardice?

I have been thinking a lot about this.

Am I "taking one for the team" (kids) or just a coward when it comes to what I want?

Wife says she is "trying" but eats seconds at every meal. And every time she does it is like a middle finger at me.

And a dagger in my heart. I know it is never getting better.

I have thought about finances and I will get screwed.

We have talked about spending time together but every time I look at her all I see is a fat disappointment.

I am at wits end. I feel like I would rather die than tell my kids i no longer love their mom.

Am I a coward? Sometimes (usually) it is "yes." It is hard to think "I am selfish and want what is be is best for my

kid's as a justification for my cowardice."

You're neither. You are however way too hard on yourself. It is absolutely your wife's responsibility to keep herself in shape. Men and women are wired differently. Looks are important to men. Does this mean she needs to maintain a yoga pants body. Of course not and I'm sure you would agree. You'd just like to see her trying. As far as withholding the sex, that's the most awful thing she can do. Men need this affirmation, this is how we understand our women love us. This is how they show us. When she said, you just need a hole. You should have told her no and well yes and explained your needs.You have fullfilled your part in the bargain. You've already said your going to get the shaft when it comes to the finance. That was your half. Hers is the sex/looks.

You are only given one shot at life. Get out now. Yes you're going to get hammered with the $$$ but who cares, you can't take it with you. If you wait until the kid is 18 and do it, guess what, she will still get it with alamoney. So unfortunately you're screwed either way. Might as well be happy while your getting screwed. Just try to think how happy you will be single again, not putting up with her fat ###, smashing all the desperate older women on match.com. WoW. You'll be swimming in poon. Women's stock crash as they get older. They know this. They will do whatever you want to keep you. You'll be able to meet and smash women in any hole at will.

Instead you sit in you basement wondering if your a coward or selfish. Man up, get out, and smash women. You'll hate yourself if you don't.

I don't think he is going to have enough time to play world of warcraft while he is out smashing all these women

Lol. I'm trying to get him excited for the possibilities. I don't think he should feel guilty at all. It's obvious this is a tough choice for him. This shows me that he's probably a real good guy but is having difficulty with the morality of this decision. I say he's going to regret staying and he shouldn't feel guilty.

 

[James Daulton]

See the Grizz dating thread bro.

 

[culdeus]

Lol at 50% of married people cheating.

 

[cockroach]

Lol at 50% of married people cheating.

It's about how many get divorced. And we know infidelity had to do with many of the divorces. But also know that a lot of people still chose to stay together. And some never getting caught in their transgressions. So not an outlandish figure at all, IMO.

 

[pats3in4]

Vegasman, you *should* be hand-wringing at the idea of breaking your vow. It's your word, your promise to your wife. It's not something to be taken lightly and obviously you are taking it very seriously. Good for you.

But at some point if you feel you're married in name only, but not in spirit, and this has been going on for quite some time with no end in sight, breaking that vow could be the best thing for everyone. You cannot be good for anyone else unless you're good to yourself first. Your children will notice you are a shell of the man you want to be, despite your best attempts at hiding it. Life wasn't meant to be lived by putting on a smile for everyone around you while you suffer inside.

Yes, divorce can be expensive. But you cannot take the money with you when you die. I'd rather die broke and happy than rich and miserable. I'd rather die having showed my best side to my children, not some facade they saw through anyway. I want to show them what a normal relationship between loving couples should be, not a dysfunctional one they're likely to repeat...or resent.

 

[Wrighteous Ray]

Selflessness or cowardice?

There are probably a lot of reasons why you haven't taken any action here, including your noble interest in trying to raise your kids well and your fear of the consequences of splitting up. I don't view "considering negative consequences" as "cowardice" though. The truth is that no matter what you do, there will be challenges for you and your family. Only you can figure out which of those challenges you and your family can live with.

 

[culdeus]

The closest fbg situation to yours here was Bogart's. I'd like to hear his thoughts on this if it hasn't already happened.

 

[eoMMan]

Vegasman, how fit are you? Do you exercise at least a few days a week? Maybe if she saw yiu putting in the work, she would too. Can you take her to the gym with you or at least walk around the block/at the park/etc.?

 

[eoMMan]

The closest fbg situation to yours here was Bogart's. I'd like to hear his thoughts on this if it hasn't already happened.

I believe bogart has been divorced for a few years now.

 

[culdeus]

The closest fbg situation to yours here was Bogart's. I'd like to hear his thoughts on this if it hasn't already happened.

I believe bogart has been divorced for a few years now.

Well I mean that he might have some insight after pulling the trigger, he had a non responsive wife, and kids.

 

[Buck Bradcanon]

Bogey gets more butts than ashtrays.

 

[offdee]

Vegasman, how fit are you? Do you exercise at least a few days a week? Maybe if she saw yiu putting in the work, she would too. Can you take her to the gym with you or at least walk around the block/at the park/etc.?

I see this type of comment regularly here. It's a good thought, but just not realistic long term. He should definitely take care of himself....no doubt there. But she needs to internally WANT to eat better and exercise for herself. There's really nothing he can do to make that a reality....maybe he can guilt her or give her a very short term motivational push, but for a long term lifestyle change it has to be something she decides to do on her own.

 

[Chaka]

Vegasman, how fit are you? Do you exercise at least a few days a week? Maybe if she saw yiu putting in the work, she would too. Can you take her to the gym with you or at least walk around the block/at the park/etc.?

I see this type of comment regularly here. It's a good thought, but just not realistic long term. He should definitely take care of himself....no doubt there. But she needs to internally WANT to eat better and exercise for herself. There's really nothing he can do to make that a reality....maybe he can guilt her or give her a very short term motivational push, but for a long term lifestyle change it has to be something she decides to do on her own.

True.

 

[SIDA!]

Lol at 50% of married people cheating.

It's about how many get divorced. And we know infidelity had to do with many of the divorces. But also know that a lot of people still chose to stay together. And some never getting caught in their transgressions. So not an outlandish figure at all, IMO.

I wonder how many people get divorced without one or both of the individuals ever cheating. I mean...I guess we have to provide a definition for cheating. Does cheating mean having sex with another person (without partner's consent) outside of your partner before your are divorced and before you are separated? If it is during the separation does that count as cheating?

 

[SIDA!]

Vegasman, you *should* be hand-wringing at the idea of breaking your vow. It's your word, your promise to your wife. It's not something to be taken lightly and obviously you are taking it very seriously. Good for you.

But at some point if you feel you're married in name only, but not in spirit, and this has been going on for quite some time with no end in sight, breaking that vow could be the best thing for everyone. You cannot be good for anyone else unless you're good to yourself first. Your children will notice you are a shell of the man you want to be, despite your best attempts at hiding it. Life wasn't meant to be lived by putting on a smile for everyone around you while you suffer inside.

Yes, divorce can be expensive. But you cannot take the money with you when you die. I'd rather die broke and happy than rich and miserable. I'd rather die having showed my best side to my children, not some facade they saw through anyway. I want to show them what a normal relationship between loving couples should be, not a dysfunctional one they're likely to repeat...or resent.

This post is kind of a pet peeve of mine. Not saying you feel the following or don't because I am only basing it on this one post. You may have commented on this further back in the thread.

But, I truly hate the idea that it is framed like he is breaking his vow.

Did she break any of her vows?

I hear about/see so many instances where women basically get married and allow things to go to ####...but their fall back is that their man cheated on them and thus that makes him the devil. He is the one without any morals or ethics or loses the high ground.

Again...not saying this is where you are at.

 

[cockroach]

Did she break any of her vows?

Isn't there vows to honor and comfort? I think comfort was slang for "get off sexually" back then. So that's a broken vow. I doubt he feels very honored either.

 

[SIDA!]

Did she break any of her vows?

Isn't there vows to honor and comfort? I think comfort was slang for "get off sexually" back then. So that's a broken vow. I doubt he feels very honored either.

Not sure if you are agreeing with me or our wires got crossed.

But that was my point exactly.